Neo Kervoskia
06-10-2005, 23:38
So, as a requirement for me to leave the institution, I have to get a job.
Smith: Hello, you must be Mr. -------.
Me: Yes, that's me.
Smith: Have a seat. - he makes a gesture to a seat in front of his desk- I understand you're interesting in one of our field positions.
Me:Yes, I am. I have been wanting to do this for quite a while.
Smith: Perhaps today will be your lucky day. - he laughs- What are your credentials?
Me: Well, I used to work at the local kennel in ---------.
Smith: Oh, what did you do there?
Me: I usuallu operated the sleeping chamber.
Smith: What is the sleeping chamber?
Me: Oh, sorry, it's what we called the gas chamber. I would tell the little children that their dog was only going to sleep.
Smith: I see, so you were the executioner?
Me: That's a harsh description, I would say that I was the Sand Man, at least that's what I told the children.
Smith: Okay? How were the dogs murdered?
Me: I wouldn't say they were murdered, it wasn't a painful death I assure you. Anyway, I used to open the window and put a plank that led to the edge. I would then roll a ball up it and the dog would usually ran after it and then fell three storeys. Sometimes they were too smart for that, so we didn't put them to sleep.
Smith: What did you do with them?
Me: We donated them to various charities.
Smith: Such as?
Me: The local race track.
Smith:....how barbaric, using such friendly creatues as enetrtainment.
Me: They seemed to enjoy it, boy did they like to chase that mechanical rabbit.
Smith: Okay...what else have you done?
Me: Well, I clubbed a baby seal once.
Smith: YOU WHAT?! - he vomties onto his desk and shows me a picture of a baby seal.- You murdered this innocent creature?
Me: It was self-defense.
Smith: It's a goddamn seal!
Me: It was going to tear me to pieces, it had razor sharp talons.
Smith: Seals, especially baby seals, don't have talons, what the fuck is wrong with you!
Me: It was either me or him...and his family.
Smith: You sadistic fuck!- he vomits once more- Okay, okay. I'm going to pretend that didn't happen, now let's start over. Before I begin, have you don anything else such as that?
Me: I like ham.
Smith:...get out. - he stands up-
Me: Okay, do I have the job?
Smith: I don't think you're exactly PETA material.
Me: I don't understand, I am highly qualified.
Smith: YOU CLUBBED A BABY SEAL TO DEATH!
Me: Right, this is People for the Eating and Torturing of Animals, isn't it?
Smith: What, no? They're across the hall.
Me: Oh, well then I guess I feel silly now.
Smith: It's alright, we get this all the time.
Me: Thanks for the interview.
Smith: You're welcome, goodbye.
Me: Goodbye.
Smith: Hello, you must be Mr. -------.
Me: Yes, that's me.
Smith: Have a seat. - he makes a gesture to a seat in front of his desk- I understand you're interesting in one of our field positions.
Me:Yes, I am. I have been wanting to do this for quite a while.
Smith: Perhaps today will be your lucky day. - he laughs- What are your credentials?
Me: Well, I used to work at the local kennel in ---------.
Smith: Oh, what did you do there?
Me: I usuallu operated the sleeping chamber.
Smith: What is the sleeping chamber?
Me: Oh, sorry, it's what we called the gas chamber. I would tell the little children that their dog was only going to sleep.
Smith: I see, so you were the executioner?
Me: That's a harsh description, I would say that I was the Sand Man, at least that's what I told the children.
Smith: Okay? How were the dogs murdered?
Me: I wouldn't say they were murdered, it wasn't a painful death I assure you. Anyway, I used to open the window and put a plank that led to the edge. I would then roll a ball up it and the dog would usually ran after it and then fell three storeys. Sometimes they were too smart for that, so we didn't put them to sleep.
Smith: What did you do with them?
Me: We donated them to various charities.
Smith: Such as?
Me: The local race track.
Smith:....how barbaric, using such friendly creatues as enetrtainment.
Me: They seemed to enjoy it, boy did they like to chase that mechanical rabbit.
Smith: Okay...what else have you done?
Me: Well, I clubbed a baby seal once.
Smith: YOU WHAT?! - he vomties onto his desk and shows me a picture of a baby seal.- You murdered this innocent creature?
Me: It was self-defense.
Smith: It's a goddamn seal!
Me: It was going to tear me to pieces, it had razor sharp talons.
Smith: Seals, especially baby seals, don't have talons, what the fuck is wrong with you!
Me: It was either me or him...and his family.
Smith: You sadistic fuck!- he vomits once more- Okay, okay. I'm going to pretend that didn't happen, now let's start over. Before I begin, have you don anything else such as that?
Me: I like ham.
Smith:...get out. - he stands up-
Me: Okay, do I have the job?
Smith: I don't think you're exactly PETA material.
Me: I don't understand, I am highly qualified.
Smith: YOU CLUBBED A BABY SEAL TO DEATH!
Me: Right, this is People for the Eating and Torturing of Animals, isn't it?
Smith: What, no? They're across the hall.
Me: Oh, well then I guess I feel silly now.
Smith: It's alright, we get this all the time.
Me: Thanks for the interview.
Smith: You're welcome, goodbye.
Me: Goodbye.