NationStates Jolt Archive

One day John Kerry woke up, showered and got dressed.
He went down stairs and asked his wife what was for breakfast.
She said, "Waffles."

ZOMGIRT3HFUNI!

Not as funny as the Kerry press conference where, faced with polls showing him trailing Bush in electoral votes, a report jumped up and asked, "Mr. Kerry, what are you going to do about Bush's lead?"

Kerry replied, "Ketchup."

One day John Kerry woke up, showered and got dressed.
He went down stairs and asked his wife what was for breakfast.
She said, "Waffles."

ZOMGIRT3HFUNI!
Hmmm the bush one is better ... probably cause you can see the man doing it lol

Little late, guys.

BTW, does anyone know what Mr. Kerry is doing now? I haven't heard anything about him sinse he lost the election.

Little late, guys.

BTW, does anyone know what Mr. Kerry is doing now? I haven't heard anything about him sinse he lost the election.

Mostly voting against things. He voted against Robert's nomination.

Mostly voting against things. He voted against Robert's nomination.

I believe he's still under the delusion that he has a chance at running for president again too. LOL

I believe he's still under the delusion that he has a chance at running for president again too. LOL

Well, if that happens, I'll have a good laugh.

*cough*
its not supposed to be funny.
Im pointing out that the Bush joke is rather stupid, and that people would be loling their heads off if the political situation were reversed.

*cough*
its not supposed to be funny.
Im pointing out that the Bush joke is rather stupid, and that people would be loling their heads off if the political situation were reversed.

I posted the Bush joke yesterday, because I had just seen it on Democratic Underground.

I believe he's still under the delusion that he has a chance at running for president again too. LOL

Which prompts us to ask: "Hey John, why the long face?"

:D

Which prompts us to ask: "Hey John, why the long face?"

:D

Hahaha, see, now that was funny! :D

*cough*
its not supposed to be funny.
Im pointing out that the Bush joke is rather stupid, and that people would be loling their heads off if the political situation were reversed.
Not really … the bush joke integrated his public character into it … the funny part is that you could SEE him getting confused on the issue

Yours integrated less and did not have the character interact in a way that was perceived in a method that he would really interact


I think you missed your mark on what you were trying to point out

I'm just not finding any of the political jokes that funny.
Maybe I'm in a bad mood.

Is it polictically correct to make political jokes?

Political jokes aren't funny in the first place, but this one just doesn't make any sense. I like waffles for breakfast too.

A guy walks into a pet store, looking for a kitten for his wife. He walks up to a pen, and sees 6 of the cutest little newborn kittens, just laying their nursing. He calls the shop owner over and asks "what kind of kittens are these?" The shop ownwer says "oh, those are Democrat kittens."

The guy is stunned and decides to bring in his wife to see for herself. So the next day, he brings his wife in, takes her to the kitten pen and tells her "Ask the shopowner what kind of kittens these are" So she calls him over and asks him and he replies "Oh, those are Republican kittens"

The guy says "Hey, you told me yesterday that they were Democrat kittens, what happened?" To which the shop owner replies "Well, they were Democrats, but then they opened their eyes!"

Not really … the bush joke integrated his public character into it … the funny part is that you could SEE him getting confused on the issue

See, I find it less funny and more frightening that we have a President who blurs the line between parody and reality.

*cough*
its not supposed to be funny.
Im pointing out that the Bush joke is rather stupid, and that people would be loling their heads off if the political situation were reversed.

Actually the shrub joke made me go "Oh ok"

Your attempt is just lame.

At least put some creativity into it. ;)

Heh. I just remember one of the last times Saturday Night Live was still funny.

Phil Hartman as Clinton! The cops respond to a spousal abuse call with Bill and Hillary. :D

Heh. I just remember one of the last times Saturday Night Live was still funny.

Phil Hartman as Clinton! The cops respond to a spousal abuse call with Bill and Hillary. :D

Which reminds me of another SNL sketch, Hartman/Clinton commenting on George W. Bush: "He's just a dumb Southerner with a questionable past who's afraid to take a stand on anything... Hey, I like him! I'm voting for him!"

Classic. :p

A guy walks into a pet store, looking for a kitten for his wife. He walks up to a pen, and sees 6 of the cutest little newborn kittens, just laying their nursing. He calls the shop owner over and asks "what kind of kittens are these?" The shop ownwer says "oh, those are Democrat kittens."

The guy is stunned and decides to bring in his wife to see for herself. So the next day, he brings his wife in, takes her to the kitten pen and tells her "Ask the shopowner what kind of kittens these are" So she calls him over and asks him and he replies "Oh, those are Republican kittens"

The guy says "Hey, you told me yesterday that they were Democrat kittens, what happened?" To which the shop owner replies "Well, they were Democrats, but then they opened their eyes!"

What I find funny is how both Democrats and Republicans think that if the other side would just 'open their eyes', they would see the truth and abandon their evil republican/democrat ways. Is it possible that both sides are wrong (If any side can be considered flat out wrong)?

Moderates rule!

From Zjoere on Particracy:

Republicans in Hell

While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a Republican, too), who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck.

"I don't understand," stammers the Republican head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"





Q. What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?

A. George W. Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War.

What I find funny is how both Democrats and Republicans think that if the other side would just 'open their eyes', they would see the truth and abandon their evil republican/democrat ways. Is it possible that both sides are wrong (If any side can be considered flat out wrong)?

Moderates rule!

Sadly in the American system the closest thing you get to a moderate is the Democrats. The US voting public wouldn't know a real liberal if they walked into one. I can only imagine the culture shock an American would have if they visted Holland or some other likeminded country, perhaps Sweden, now they're real liberals. What Americans on the right call liberals the rest of the free world call "center right"....lol It's just that the Republicans are further right of center than that of the Democrats.

However, they block it so no other 3rd party or 4th can ever really get into the game. So yeah, they most certainly can all be wrong. :)

A brief explanation of British party politics:

http://www.backingblair.co.uk/debate

Sadly in the American system the closest thing you get to a moderate is the Democrats. The US voting public wouldn't know a real liberal if they walked into one. I can only imagine the culture shock an American would have if they visted Holland or some other likeminded country, perhaps Sweden, now they're real liberals. What Americans on the right call liberals the rest of the free world call "center right"....lol It's just that the Republicans are further right of center than that of the Democrats.

However, they block it so no other 3rd party or 4th can ever really get into the game. So yeah, they most certainly can all be wrong. :)

I've never had the chance yet to travel out of the country, but I hope to someday. It's the lack of money that's the problem...

<snip>
That was actually funny decades ago when someone first made it and the star was a "politician" as opposed to "Republican."
I mean, I know, hardline Democrats are the easiest people on earth to amuse and that creativity requires a creative capability that party adherents lack (lets face it, if they were particularly creative they'd have come up with their own idealogy), but come on. I mean, my brother was inventing stuff better than that when he was in Elementary School (Of course, I was in Elementary School too at the time, so I was probably easier to please).
Let's go past:
D1: "HEY BUSH IS STUPID!"
D2: "LOL!!!1!1!shift+one!!1!YES!!1!"
D1: "AND REPUBLICONS SUX!!11!" (Get it, its funny because I said Con, and Republicans are all evil because none of the cool people want to play with me)
D2: "LOL!!!1!1!shift+one!!1!YES!!1!"

And at least evolve to the point where you can say:
D1: "I say, old boy, did you know that President Bush has the intellectual capacity of toast? He is indeed a commoner of the lowest sort!"
D2: "Indeed, that is quite right, good friend, quite right indeed."

Kerry is riding down the street in his Limo when he sees two men on the side of the road eating grass. Troubled, he asks the driver to pull over to inquire after the situation.

He asks the men why they're eating grass and they both repond they are too poor to afford food and have to eat it to survive. Kerry tells both men to get in his limo and come with him to his home. Both men protest saying they have families that are just as hungry. Kerry looks compassionately on them and says, there's plenty of room in my limo, bring them all.

As they near Kerry's mansion, the two men begin to thank him for his kindness and generosity. "Oh it's no trouble at all," Kerry says. "Since I fired the gardener, the grass at my house is almost a foot tall."

Two Democrats boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston.

One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, a Republican got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Democrats.
The Republican kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes, loosened his tie and was settling in when the Democrat in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the Republican, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, the Democrat picked up the Republican's shoe and spit in it.

When the Republican returned with the coke, the Democrat in the middle seat said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Republican obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Democrat picked up the Republican's other shoe and spit in it. The Republican returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston.

As the plane was landing, the Republican slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" the Republican asked himself.

"This fighting between our parties? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"