NationStates Jolt Archive

That you're 'God' (or whatever your religion likes to call this dude).

Here's the deal, you're sitting up on your high horse in heaven and looking down at this mess humans call a civilization and you wonder to yourself: why can't they fix it themselves? Why are they still turning to you?

They are after all, a byproduct of Intelligent Design.

So, one day, you're sitting around, bored and one of your Archangels...let's say, Michael, comes in to see you and says, "God, there is a problem on the earth."

You roll your eyes - the earth has too many problem for 1 god to handle!

"Oh, what is it this time?"

"They're fighting over Evolution again."

Now, here's the deal... as God, you are an invisible being to humans; you generally don't talk to humans, because you learned from experience that it makes them an authority on you and you think that the Catholic Church and others have enough without your divine intervention. But, you have to solve this problem... WITHOUT SMITING OR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.

How do you do it?

I sit on my holy recliner, get some holy popcorn, and watch the debate unfold on the holy boob tube.

Find a suitable 20 megaton meteorite somewhere in the depths of the universe, take careful aim, and score a direct hit on the leader of my religion on earth.

I'd tweak the evolution of the chimpanzees, so that they would talk just like humans.

why can't they fix it themselves?
greed & selfishness

But, you have to solve this problem... WITHOUT SMITING OR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.

How do you do it?
get rid of the above in some kind of magical divine act (that also involves pulling a bunny from my hat and turning my godlike arse into a torch)


edit: i care little for the evolution "problem" :rolleyes:

<snip> How do you do it?
Give them both a Time Machine and (to prove evolution) and miraculously produce Babel Fish Dispensing Machines in every town square - Proving the existence of God.

Then I'd go back to watching Brockonian Ultra Cricket and ignore Michael unless he brings me an infinite quantity of Ginantonic.

It's not my problem. As long as my creations don't kill eachother over it, it doesn't matter to me.

WITHOUT SMITING OR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.

No fair! :mad:

I would descend upon the Earth, killing every Fluffy Bunny Christian/Extremist and tell the Human Race where to shove it....and a talking Chimpanzee would be a wonderful touch :D

That you're 'God' (or whatever your religion likes to call this dude).

Here's the deal, you're sitting up on your high horse in heaven and looking down at this mess humans call a civilization and you wonder to yourself: why can't they fix it themselves? Why are they still turning to you?

They are after all, a byproduct of Intelligent Design.

So, one day, you're sitting around, bored and one of your Archangels...let's say, Michael, comes in to see you and says, "God, there is a problem on the earth."

You roll your eyes - the earth has too many problem for 1 god to handle!

"Oh, what is it this time?"

"They're fighting over Evolution again."

Now, here's the deal... as God, you are an invisible being to humans; you generally don't talk to humans, because you learned from experience that it makes them an authority on you and you think that the Catholic Church and others have enough without your divine intervention. But, you have to solve this problem... WITHOUT SMITING OR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.

How do you do it?

You send a bloody messiah who can do miracles and stuff, It worked with Jesus, so why not a second time?

I'd give humans the ability to think rationally and create mathematics and all kinds of groovy ways to describe the Universe and ...

Oh wait ... it's been done ... never mind.

You send a bloody messiah who can do miracles and stuff, It worked with Jesus, so why not a second time?

It DIDN'T work for Jesus, because there are still Muslims and Buddhist and Hindu's and Jews. Had it worked, everyone would be Christian now...

plant some monkey men, the missing link between men and monkeys. when they are discovered people would no for sure that evolution existed. it this failed i result to fire and brimstone

You send a bloody messiah who can do miracles and stuff, It worked with Jesus, so why not a second time?

Nah ... Jesus got shunned and beaten and hung on a tree and all that rot. Even now, 2000 years later, he's only managed to capture 1/3rd of the planet ... not enough to get Jesus elected President of the World.

Besides ... Jesus had only to face the Romans ... a messiah now would have to face Tim Russert and, quite possibly, get Punk'd.

Nah ... Jesus got shunned and beaten and hung on a tree and all that rot. Even now, 2000 years later, he's only managed to capture 1/3rd of the planet ... not enough to get Jesus elected President of the World.

Besides ... Jesus had only to face the Romans ... a messiah now would have to face Tim Russert and, quite possibly, get Punk'd.

Well, if we use the world electoral college... :D

It DIDN'T work for Jesus, because there are still Muslims and Buddhist and Hindu's and Jews. Had it worked, everyone would be Christian now...

Just because a lot of people are doing or not doing something doesn't mean they are right.

If having the most people doing something was the prime indicator of what was right and what was working, then we should all start speaking Chinese and eating rice.

Conveniently leave some fossils lying carelessly around that prove, beyond all doubt, that evolution is real. Even though, as God, you know it isn't.

What a way to screw over the people who actually believe in you :)

id put a couple of dinosaurs in the congo jungle.

make sure they find bigfoot...

Well, I simply left them to believe whatever they want, as neither theory of Khoen Vanaar and Chaos is true. I mean, I sent a few prophets to Earth to explain the truth, but they were hailed as "crazy" and "fanatics" and taken to insane asylums and psychologists.



Er.... I mean, make that subjuctive. Yeah. "I'd simply leave them..." etc. ;)

~The Libertarian Concordance of Czardas
Supreme Ruler of the Omniverse
Master of the Gods
Unofficial NationStates Nonsense Spewer

That you're 'God' (or whatever your religion likes to call this dude).ok.

Here's the deal, you're sitting up on your high horse in heaven and looking down at this mess humans call a civilization and you wonder to yourself: why can't they fix it themselves?because they're humanWhy are they still turning to you?that isn't the problem. the problem is that they are NOT turning to me for help.

They are after all, a byproduct of Intelligent Design.and they have free will.

So, one day, you're sitting around, bored and one of your Archangels...let's say, Michael, comes in to see you and says, "God, there is a problem on the earth."ok, status quo...

You roll your eyes - the earth has too many problem for 1 god to handle!never would happen.

"Oh, what is it this time?"

"They're fighting over Evolution again."so?

Now, here's the deal... as God, you are an invisible being to humans; wrong, I'm invisible to non-belivers. I am always in the Hearts of those who believe in me and my son.
you generally don't talk to humans, Wrong again, I do talk to everyone. only the believers listen tho.
because you learned from experience that it makes them an authority on you and you think that the Catholic Church and others have enough without your divine intervention. the Churches are my House and those who frequent my house are under my protection and guidance. I would not abandon them.
But, you have to solve this problem... why should there be a solution? and why do I HAVE to solve it? I left the pieces in the puzzle. and slowly, man is putting it all together. granted they're only concentrating on less than 1% of the whole picture, but they choose to pursue it, then they have to figure it out.
WITHOUT SMITING OR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.hey, I'm God. the only thing I promised was no more Great Floods. ;)
How do you do it?
I would speak to those who would listen. Offer advice and Guidance to those who ask. I would forgive those who are repentant. Provide opportunities for all, and when the day of judgement arrives, I will calmly listen to all the petty exscuses as I send those who turned from me and mine away from my domain and my sight.

Provide opportunities for all, and when the day of judgement arrives, I will calmly listen to all the petty exscuses as I send those who turned from me and mine away from my domain and my sight.

So .... you'd be an asshole, basically. Man ... I'm glad you're not God.

It DIDN'T work for Jesus, because there are still Muslims and Buddhist and Hindu's and Jews. which is why Christianity is one of the largest religions in the world, and is still growing. :rolleyes:

Well, if we use the world electoral college... :D


...and if you count for atheists and agnostics not turning up to vote...

:p

So .... you'd be an asshole, basically. Man ... I'm glad you're not God.no, if I speak and you CHOOSE not to listen, then I'm not the Asshole. I will not Force myself on you, but for you to refuse to listen then turn around to say it's all my fault for not MAKING you listen.

right... :rolleyes: can you say Spoiled brat?

no, if I speak and you CHOOSE not to listen, then I'm not the Asshole. I will not Force myself on you, but for you to refuse to listen then turn around to say it's all my fault for not MAKING you listen.

right... :rolleyes: can you say Spoiled brat?
Actually, I don't think that's what he's saying at all...

I would just reach out and touch a single HIV virus. Suddenly, it has the ability to spread by touch, or even through the air. It stays highly contaminous all through the ten years or so of its incubation period. When it gets activated, it turns into ebola, and kills people in a day, maybe two.

Then I lean back and watch. The next decade or so will be interesting.

which is why Christianity is one of the largest religions in the world, and is still growing. :rolleyes:

Barely growing. Knock yourself out in looking at the statistics. It's actually diminished in the United States in the last 15 years or so.

I believe census.gov has some nice information on it, but I'm sure a Google on "world religion census" would yeild some fascinating fun and excitement.

Christianity is the largest, yes, for now. Islam is 2nd largest and growing in leaps and bounds and is the fastest growing religion in the world. You gonna convert to Islam when there are more Muslims than Christians or will you then flip-flop on your "might makes right" attitude?

no, if I speak and you CHOOSE not to listen, then I'm not the Asshole. I will not Force myself on you, but for you to refuse to listen then turn around to say it's all my fault for not MAKING you listen.


Yeah .... right .... giving a choice without it being really a choice is an asshole thing to do. It's like telling your kid, "You can wear the blue shirt or the green shirt" and then spanking them for choosing the blue shirt.

I believe you have a very strange viewpoint on God ... but ... to each their own. *shrug*

Yeah .... right .... giving a choice without it being really a choice is an asshole thing to do. It's like telling your kid, "You can wear the blue shirt or the green shirt" and then spanking them for choosing the blue shirt.

I believe you have a very strange viewpoint on God ... but ... to each their own. *shrug*read your sample again. you got it wrong, it should be, God tells you not to steal. you go ahead and shoplift, get caught and sent to jail, and you cry it's all God's fault for letting you steal and not making you not steal and that you were abandoned by God, yet you argue that the words "Under God" or my symbols displayed in public are "Forcing" God into your life. Can you say Double Standards?

you Chose to break Gods law yet blame him for being punnished? right... :rolleyes:

I would just make the Apocolypse happen now. No more chances for the non-believers. They have had thousands of years to accept the proof and if they still haven't; sucks to them.

I would manufacture a miracle.

Y'know? Something that would be totally impossible without divine intervention... like Michael Bolton becoming famous or Hillary Clinton being taken seriously.

Oh wait, there must me a God!

read your sample again. you got it wrong, it should be, God tells you not to steal. you go ahead and shoplift, get caught and sent to jail, and you cry it's all God's fault for letting you steal and not making you not steal and that you were abandoned by God, yet you argue that the words "Under God" or my symbols displayed in public are "Forcing" God into your life. Can you say Double Standards?

No ... I think my sample was pretty accurate. I'll even expand on it and say you gave the choice after telling your kid that they shouldn't pick blue.

Why bother giving them the choice at all? Why punish them for not doing what you say in the harshest manner possible? It's like burning out their eyes with a cigarrette for picking blue.

We'll go ahead and take your example, though.

God says, "Don't steal". I choose to steal. I go to jail based on the law of the land. I serve my time, pay my debt to society, but get hit by a bus before being able to face God's little parole board and am damned to Hell over a TV.

God's not that materialistic.

Like I said ... your vision is a little skewed. Hell is for the truly evil, not minor offenders. God also said to take my kids to the village council and pronounce death penalty on them if they sass mouth me. I don't think I'm Hell bound for not.

You got something way wrong there. Hell isn't just for the truly evil. It's for all non-believers and for people who do not repent. If you ever tell a lie or say the GD word and that's all you've done wrong in your life; HELL. Lest you repent and ask, sincerely ask, for forgiveness and accept Christ. Then you will be welcomed to Heaven as a saint. This isn't an a-hole thing to do. It's clear and simple; God gave you life and everything you have, he hammered nails into the hands and feet of his only son and let that son die for you. He's done everything He can for you and yet when you don't acknowledge him or appreciate and follow the rules then He has all the right in the Universe to send you to Hell for being so unthankful.

You got something way wrong there. Hell isn't just for the truly evil. It's for all non-believers and for people who do not repent.

Wow ... you sound just like bin Laden or al-Zarqawi.

If you ever tell a lie or say the GD word and that's all you've done wrong in your life; HELL. Lest you repent and ask, sincerely ask, for forgiveness and accept Christ.

Accept a man over God? I think not. Nothing is worthy of worship except God. Nothing.

It's clear and simple; God gave you life and everything you have, he hammered nails into the hands and feet of his only son and let that son die for you.

Oh I see now ... sorry ... God had no son. Strange that you think God would need one. But, then again, you also refer to God as "he".

Give them both a Time Machine and (to prove evolution) and miraculously produce Babel Fish Dispensing Machines in every town square - Proving the existence of God.

Then I'd go back to watching Brockonian Ultra Cricket and ignore Michael unless he brings me an infinite quantity of Ginantonic.

It's Brockian Ultra Cricket if my memory serves me correctly... :p

You got something way wrong there. Hell isn't just for the truly evil. It's for all non-believers and for people who do not repent. If you ever tell a lie or say the GD word and that's all you've done wrong in your life; HELL. Lest you repent and ask, sincerely ask, for forgiveness and accept Christ. Then you will be welcomed to Heaven as a saint. This isn't an a-hole thing to do. It's clear and simple; God gave you life and everything you have, he hammered nails into the hands and feet of his only son and let that son die for you. He's done everything He can for you and yet when you don't acknowledge him or appreciate and follow the rules then He has all the right in the Universe to send you to Hell for being so unthankful.

that's a bit unfair, isn't it? you have to put yourself in the 'non-believers'' shoes. what if a different religion to yours was the real one and they said you would go to hell if you didn't convert, when your own religion says that the same thing and you were adamant that it was the true one. god wouldn't be that cruel, would he, to send you to hell? the only sin you committed was ignorance. there was not a one person on this earth who didn't commit such an act.

edit: and to answer the original question from this thread... i would grow, overnight, an extra thumb on each hand of those teenagers who text so bloody much... that outta learn 'em... and prove my point :D

I think that I'd send out some warrior prophets. Muhammed had some of the right idea with the whole invading Mecca thing, but he left the job off pretty late and didn't seem quite as eager for it as he could. So my warrior prophets will be smarter and start their duties in their 20s. They will lay waste to the world, and build an eternal monument to me!
Then they will all take naps, because building eternal monuments is hard work.

No ... I think my sample was pretty accurate. I'll even expand on it and say you gave the choice after telling your kid that they shouldn't pick blue. ok, so if I tell the kid what happens should [s]he pick blue and they still pick blue, who's fault is it? especially when the choice is made, I again inform him of what will happen, and he still picks blue. again who's fault? or are you saying we are incapable of making the right choice?

Why bother giving them the choice at all? Why punish them for not doing what you say in the harshest manner possible? It's like burning out their eyes with a cigarrette for picking blue.because, we as humans Choose to sin. we can also choose to repent our sins and be forgiven (something alot of people seem to forget.) as for Why punish them? ask your parents that. and if they used cigarrettes on you, then I think you have a case for child abuse. then again, why send lawbreakers to jail?

We'll go ahead and take your example, though.

God says, "Don't steal". I choose to steal. I go to jail based on the law of the land. I serve my time, pay my debt to society, but get hit by a bus before being able to face God's little parole board and am damned to Hell over a TV.or get killed by some psycho in prision... or get killed by the person you are stealing from... anything can happen. we as humans can't see the future, so who's fault is it ultimately? as you say, you CHOOSE TO STEAL, you Choose to break the law. and it's God's fault for your choice?

God's not that materialistic.

Like I said ... your vision is a little skewed. Hell is for the truly evil, not minor offenders. God also said to take my kids to the village council and pronounce death penalty on them if they sass mouth me. I don't think I'm Hell bound for not.Hell (acually being seperated by God.) happens after you live your life, everyday, you have a chance to repent and attempt to live the life necessary for salvation. everyday God makes the attempt to correct your life, and every day you are faced with the choice. Accept Him or Reject him. as you say, you don't know the future, you don't know when your last day is. and so you gamble if you choose the "I'll wait for my deathbed to ask for forgiveness" gambit. but again, that is the choice you can make. and the results of such choices are yours to live with... or die with depending on your point of view.

however, we are now going off topic and is my answer really that horrific since there are others posting that they would destroy the world over a silly argument?

that's a bit unfair, isn't it? you have to put yourself in the 'non-believers'' shoes. what if a different religion to yours was the real one and they said you would go to hell if you didn't convert, when your own religion says that the same thing and you were adamant that it was the true one. god wouldn't be that cruel, would he, to send you to hell? the only sin you committed was ignorance. there was not a one person on this earth who didn't commit such an act.
No, you had a choice and you chose to accept a different religion from the "true" one. Even if you didn't know it was the true religion, that's still no reason not to believe in it.

Yeah .... right .... giving a choice without it being really a choice is an asshole thing to do. It's like telling your kid, "You can wear the blue shirt or the green shirt" and then spanking them for choosing the blue shirt.
A better example than this (and the counter example) would be such situation:
I put the green and blue shirt on the bed and look at my kid:
"Here are two shirts, if you wear the green shirt I will love you, but if wear the blue I will beat you."
Then your neighbor (another kid) runs into the room (because someone left the door open) wearing blue and says: "Hey pick the blue shirt, its great, I really like it!"
I reply again with: "If you don't pick the green shirt, I will beat you."
Then another kid runs in completely naked and says: "Don't wear any shirts! Your parent is just a jerk who doesn't want you to have fun, and he probably isn't real anyway! NO SHIRTS, WOOHOO!"
I reply a third time with: "If you don't pick the green shirt, I will beat you."
But my kid is a stupid brat and picks the blue shirt, so I throw him down outside and never pay attention to his cries for help while he suffers in the street.

No, you had a choice and you chose to accept a different religion from the "true" one. Even if you didn't know it was the true religion, that's still no reason not to believe in it.

right... and which one would that be?

No, you had a choice and you chose to accept a different religion from the "true" one. Even if you didn't know it was the true religion, that's still no reason not to believe in it.

Heh ... well ... if there are 2 religions to choose from and both claim to be the "true" one and both have proof, everybody goes to Hell.

See ya there!

I'd probably appear to every single human being simultaneously, tell them exactly where they can stick their many and varied assumptions about me, then bugger off and do something cool on Mars. "Cool" as in "something that will invade the shit out of Earth in a few hundred solar years."

And it would forever be known as "The Day God Told Us To Take Our Collective Heads Out Of Our Proverbial Arses"

right... and which one would that be?
The Cult of Czardas of course... :D

The Cult of Czardas of course... :D

And blaspheme the Flying Spaghetti Monster?! Never! Heathen! May his noodly appendage smite thee!

The Cult of Czardas of course... :D

oh yeah.... how could i miss that.. you are so right! ;) :p

And blaspheme the Flying Spaghetti Monster?! Never! Heathen! May his noodly appendage smite thee!
Believe what you want; you'll learn the truth when you end up in Hell... although you were bound there anyway ;) ... heheheheh.

oh yeah.... how could i miss that.. you are so right! ;) :p
Bow down to the omnipotent Czardas! Hail to the Sarcasm Master! :D

I would come down from heaven and say to my subjects, my playthings, in a godly voice " Hey keep it up! 's very entertaining! y'konw this popcorn you people invented is wicked! Did you hear what them atheists said about your momma!? I did.. y'know omnipresent and stuff.. imagine being in every shower in the world! well, obviously the ones that belong to tha hot chicks, yeah.. hey, them atheists, yeah? would you mind cleansing them with fire a little? Do it for me wouldya? I'll bring them marshmellows..." and then everything would be right in the world..

omnipotent

:eek: oh, you are? i'm so sorry :( ....... :p

... ok, now i'll stop with the spamming now....

You can't do anything. The believers will believe and the disbelievers will disbelieve. People have witnessed miracles happeneing en masse and people have simply discounted them. People have witnessed UFOs en masse and people simply discount them. Honnestly, a god who so incredibly hung up on the details of what you believe is probably not a god who you want to hang around after you die, anyway.

God as an intelligent personification of the love and energy distributed through the universe, doesn't seem like the kind of person who would be so picky about words.

I can't imagine something that is holding the universe together or that has the power of life and death being so petty.

And if the intelligent design guys are soemone else, I don't really figure on them caring about the politics of a small world, to any great extent.

Humans get caught up on words. Not much else does.

I would steal everyone’s cloths, send hot angels around the world to bang everyone then make the 3rd world chocolate (that doesn’t melt or go moldy!)

that should stop the debate I would also stop being such a lazy son of a.... and work 7 days a week :mad:

A better example than this (and the counter example) would be such situation:
I put the green and blue shirt on the bed and look at my kid:
"Here are two shirts, if you wear the green shirt I will love you, but if wear the blue I will beat you."
Then your neighbor (another kid) runs into the room (because someone left the door open) wearing blue and says: "Hey pick the blue shirt, its great, I really like it!"
I reply again with: "If you don't pick the green shirt, I will beat you."
Then another kid runs in completely naked and says: "Don't wear any shirts! Your parent is just a jerk who doesn't want you to have fun, and he probably isn't real anyway! NO SHIRTS, WOOHOO!"
I reply a third time with: "If you don't pick the green shirt, I will beat you."
But my kid is a stupid brat and picks the blue shirt, so I throw him down outside and never pay attention to his cries for help while he suffers in the street.nice analogy... execpt you're missing the repenting/forgiving thing. "so if the kid then goes inside and wears the green shirt then all is forgiven" :D

:eek: oh, you are? i'm so sorry :( ....... :p
:eek: You wouldn't...


...anyway, you'd know, after... well, yeah. ;)

I'll stop spamming, too.

Bow down to the omnipotent Czardas! Hail to the Sarcasm Master! :D
I honestly thought that said "impotent".

I honestly thought that said "impotent".
So did someone else, who ought to know better. :rolleyes:

Everyone, let me state this here so you'll never accuse me of it again: I AM NOT IMPOTENT! :headbang:

~The Potently Libertarian Concordance of Czardas~
Supreme Ruler of the Omniverse

That you're 'God' (or whatever your religion likes to call this dude).

But, you have to solve this problem... WITHOUT SMITING OR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.

How do you do it?

What exactly is the problem? People being free to think what they like? Or them fighting over it?

A better example than this (and the counter example) would be such situation:
I put the green and blue shirt on the bed and look at my kid:
"Here are two shirts, if you wear the green shirt I will love you, but if wear the blue I will beat you."
Then your neighbor (another kid) runs into the room (because someone left the door open) wearing blue and says: "Hey pick the blue shirt, its great, I really like it!"
I reply again with: "If you don't pick the green shirt, I will beat you."
Then another kid runs in completely naked and says: "Don't wear any shirts! Your parent is just a jerk who doesn't want you to have fun, and he probably isn't real anyway! NO SHIRTS, WOOHOO!"
I reply a third time with: "If you don't pick the green shirt, I will beat you."
But my kid is a stupid brat and picks the blue shirt, so I throw him down outside and never pay attention to his cries for help while he suffers in the street.
you missed a layer....

150 years later the man's great great great etc grandson puts on a blue shirt and gets the snot beat out of him.

you missed a layer....

150 years later the man's great great great etc grandson puts on a blue shirt and gets the snot beat out of him.
And he deserves it, the Allah-damned assjack!
Complaining about divine judgement makes even less since then griping about the weather. If you believe in an all powerful god, then there is no point in saying that he is unjust because there is not a thing to do about it.
After all, are you going to talk to Him about it, Mr WiseGuy McAtheist?
On the other hand, if you don't believe (as I more or less don't) than griping about God being a jerk is like griping about Cruela DeVille wanting to kill puppies. Why should I care if some fairy tale chooses less than savory heroes? Look at the Greek heroes, assholes to the last with their only redeeming feature being their ability to go whining to the gods and avoid getting smashed when they screw up.

Now, here's the deal... as God, you are an invisible being to humans; you generally don't talk to humans, because you learned from experience that it makes them an authority on you and you think that the Catholic Church and others have enough without your divine intervention. But, you have to solve this problem... WITHOUT SMITING OR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.

How do you do it?

First, I put fossil evidence that fills in "missing links" in some can't-miss-'em places, to prove that evolution exists.

But then, I warp up some totally new species (a large-sized variety, and in some location where it can't be missed, like in Central Park in NY City), with no known predecessors and nothing else remotely like it, to show that I CAN and DO, do Direct Creation when I want to. :D

I'd tell some bum on the street to proclaim that they all evolved from slugs, or talk to some science fiction writer, not sure who though.

Simple, show up in the sky for all to see and lay down the law. See, sending the message through a messiah or a human just does not cut it as others view this person as crazy. I would make a point to prove once and for all that I do exist.

I AM NOT IMPOTENT! :headbang:
I thought that said "important" ;)

I would steal everyone’s cloths, send hot angels around the world to bang everyone then make the 3rd world chocolate (that doesn’t melt or go moldy!)

that should stop the debate I would also stop being such a lazy son of a.... and work 7 days a week :mad:
some people were never meant to be seen naked......

That you're 'God' (or whatever your religion likes to call this dude).

~snip~

How do you (deal with evolution)?
Who says I didn't use evolution?

I know that humans are inherently stupid. Let 'em believe what they want on evolution...it's not like Darwin really believed in it, anyway.

In fact, all of humanity's great "thinkers" have believed in me, in one form or other, so why not let them believe it?

Silly mortals.

Who says I didn't use evolution?

I know that humans are inherently stupid. Let 'em believe what they want on evolution...it's not like Darwin really believed in it, anyway.

In fact, all of humanity's great "thinkers" have believed in me, in one form or other, so why not let them believe it?

Silly mortals.
Interesting

On a side note, I see you have three times as many posts as me, yet I have never, ever seen you in the forums before

Have all babies aborted. ;)

Problem solved.

80 years later, start from scratch.



(EDIT: Or just put a giant smiling face on the moon, that'll kinda give it away)

Making all those who don't believe in evolution unable to score a date and therefore unable to procreate. they eventually die out and only those who believe in evolution will be around... something along those lines

Making all those who don't believe in evolution unable to score a date and therefore unable to procreate. they eventually die out and only those who believe in evolution will be around... something along those linesif I'm reading this right, you will punnish all those who believe in You and Your Work and will bless those that scoff at the idea that you 'Created' life... Interesting.

Interesting

On a side note, I see you have three times as many posts as me, yet I have never, ever seen you in the forums before
To answer your sidenote in one quick post of doom: I don't hang around General. I have a few posts here and there...but I rarely stick around on the threads.

Personally, I'd come down to earth and tell the people the truth, or alternatively remain in heaven and enjoy the show.... :D

To answer your sidenote in one quick post of doom: I don't hang around General. I have a few posts here and there...but I rarely stick around on the threads.
ah, well, I flutter back and forth

/threadjack

I thought that said "important" ;)
GLORG! :sniper:

(The only time I will ever use that smilie and actually mean it.)

To answer your sidenote in one quick post of doom: I don't hang around General. I have a few posts here and there...but I rarely stick around on the threads.
Yeah, weren't you the guy/girl with about 5000 posts on one thread alone in II?

[/hijacks]

Yeah, weren't you the guy/girl with about 5000 posts on one thread alone in II?

[/hijacks]
The White Tower, yes. And I'm the girl in charge. ;) There are some guys there, too.

NOW, to stop the threadjacking...

In a different reality than my first post on this thread, if I were God, I would just start dropping the leaders of the evolutionist cult like flies.

Wait...that might count as fire and brimstone.

Meh, who cares? That's not my department...that's the other guy's. You can reach him at 1-666-4311

The White Tower, yes. And I'm the girl in charge. ;) There are some guys there, too.

NOW, to stop the threadjacking...

In a different reality than my first post on this thread, if I were God, I would just start dropping the leaders of the evolutionist cult like flies.

Wait...that might count as fire and brimstone.

Meh, who cares? That's not my department...that's the other guy's. You can reach him at 1-666-4311nah, don't drop them... raise them up. make it so their feet touch the clouds... then leave them up there.

let em try and explain their predicament without awknowledging you and your power.

nah, don't drop them... raise them up. make it so their feet touch the clouds... then leave them up there.

let em try and explain their predicament without awknowledging you and your power.
Y'know...that's a really good idea.

Evolutionary theorist: "Why does gravity no longer apply to just us?"

:D

Y'know...that's a really good idea.

Evolutionary theorist: "Why does gravity no longer apply to just us?"
:D
Evolutionary theorist #1: "we must have evolved to the point where we don't need Gravity."
Evolutionary theorist #2: "well you must be evolving faster, you're still going up"
Evolutionary theorist #1: "err... I hope I evolve a way to breath in vaccume soon..."

Evolutionary theorist #1: "we must have evolved to the point where we don't need Gravity."
Evolutionary theorist #2: "well you must be evolving faster, you're still going up"
Evolutionary theorist #1: "err... I hope I evolve a way to breath in vaccume soon..."
And I, the Great Goddess, look at them and laugh.

Such good humor, JuNii...glad to have met you.

Y'know...that's a really good idea.

Evolutionary theorist: "Why does gravity no longer apply to just us?"

:D
Actually, if they're smart (like me), they'll instantly begin to recite the "Kama Czardas" exactly 144 times, then sacrifice a potato on the specially prepared altars while facing towards Shiloh, TN. Immediately the spell of darkness will be released from them and the laws of gravity will apply to them once more.

;)

That you're 'God' (or whatever your religion likes to call this dude).

Here's the deal, you're sitting up on your high horse in heaven and looking down at this mess humans call a civilization and you wonder to yourself: why can't they fix it themselves? Why are they still turning to you?

They are after all, a byproduct of Intelligent Design.

So, one day, you're sitting around, bored and one of your Archangels...let's say, Michael, comes in to see you and says, "God, there is a problem on the earth."

You roll your eyes - the earth has too many problem for 1 god to handle!

"Oh, what is it this time?"

"They're fighting over Evolution again."

Now, here's the deal... as God, you are an invisible being to humans; you generally don't talk to humans, because you learned from experience that it makes them an authority on you and you think that the Catholic Church and others have enough without your divine intervention. But, you have to solve this problem... WITHOUT SMITING OR FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.

How do you do it?
The solution is obvious; the World's Largest depantsing. I'd depants everyone on Earth at the same time. :D

Actually, if they're smart (like me), they'll instantly begin to recite the "Kama Czardas" exactly 144 times, then sacrifice a potato on the specially prepared altars while facing towards Shiloh, TN. Immediately the spell of darkness will be released from them and the laws of gravity will apply to them once more.

;)
*Image of Wile E. Coyote after he's just run off the edge of a cliff. *Sign: Help!* Splat!*

^_^

*Image of Wile E. Coyote after he's just run off the edge of a cliff. *Sign: Help!* Splat!*

^_^
Or from one of the Looney Tunes cartoons I watched years ago and still remember...

*A character walks out over the top of a cliff.*

2nd character: Hey, you can't do that!

1st character: Why not?

2nd character: Ever heard of gravity?

1st character: No....

2nd character: Here, read this. *tosses 1st character, standing in midair, a book explaining the laws of gravity*

1st character: Thanks. *starts walking across open air while reading*

1st character: Uh-oh...

*Falls down. Book hovers for a moment, then falls too.*

Or from one of the Looney Tunes cartoons I watched years ago and still remember...

*A character walks out over the top of a cliff.*

2nd character: Hey, you can't do that!

1st character: Why not?

2nd character: Ever heard of gravity?

1st character: No....

2nd character: Here, read this. *tosses 1st character, standing in midair, a book explaining the laws of gravity*

1st character: Thanks. *starts walking across open air while reading*

1st character: Uh-oh...

*Falls down. Book hovers for a moment, then falls too.*
I think I may have seen that...but Road Runner's classic.

I think I may have seen that...but Road Runner's classic.
Yes, that it is.

*is glad to find that not everyone thinks he's crazy for having watched cartoons on TV at the age of 10*

Yes, that it is.

*is glad to find that not everyone thinks he's crazy for having watched cartoons on TV at the age of 10*
Nah, man. Who doesn't?

Seriously, until 6th grade, Looney Toons (Tunes? I don't remember...) was part of my Saturday morning.

And then I discovered anime, in 9th grade...anyhoo, we have threadjacked...so, to make a point to this, let us think what other cartoon-y things we gods could do to the petty mortals...like...

Drop an anvil on them.

I would make 100% believable proof, not some random gut instinct or millenia old books. Or I can just grab every believer and whip em off of Earth for eternity, sticking em off in Limbo. Then wipe out all evidence, come up with a new name, and make everyone inherently know I exist, which can't be disproved by science. :cool:

I would make 100% believable proof, not some random gut instinct or millenia old books. Or I can just grab every believer and whip em off of Earth for eternity, sticking em off in Limbo. Then wipe out all evidence, come up with a new name, and make everyone inherently know I exist, which can't be disproved by science. :cool:
But why put your believers in Limbo?

Aside from that, it can already be argued that the second half of that DID happen (why does every culture search for God, or a god/panthenon of gods to call their own, why do we think of and fear death, why is the quest for immortality and eternal youth so prevalent in so many myths and legends across so many different cultures, why do we want to KNOW what lies ahead?).

That depends on the religion. Jesus didn't leave anything too concrete after he died. If it were up to me anyone who believed in me completely would glow or the like, something that couldn't be explained by science. There are plenty of myths and the like with the sons of gods saving people, just look at Zoroastrianism, but all they physically leave behind are words.

People feat death because at its core it might possibly be oblivion, a complete ending that nobody can ever return from. The destruction of everything you ever worked for, including your "self" and personality.

Yes, and Christianity resembles its foundations in no way, shape, or form, etc etc.

But the point of my last post is that everyone searches for a higher power. If that longing for god in EVERYONE doesn't explain something, then what does?

aw no smiting. okay how about this a 4000 foot robot of my own design probably not in my own image that would be boring maybe a kangaroo with a machine gun and have him spout gibberish but end every sentence with 'this is the word of god' hopefully everyone will be so confused by this they might leave me alone and stop trying to say they know what i think i'm god even i dont know what i'm thinking cos im infinite.................and not real :D