NationStates Jolt Archive

Many people have asked me what would be expected of them as people should I achieve my goal of becoming omnipotent and achieving deity-like control over this world.

Actually, nobody asked. Which is, in many ways, even more disturbing. :p

First, a few expectations.

I don't plan to do much. In fact, except for dealing with a few pet peeves(the middle east and illiteracy) and a few physical changes to the planet and it's people to make Earth a little more fun, I'm probably not going to be a hands-on god at all.

Pray to me if you want. Far be it from me to stop you. If it makes you feel better, pray away. I'm not listening. Unless you're doing something truly bizarre at the time. Anybody who can do naked somersaults on the front lawn of the White House or molest a cheetah and pray to me at the same time is probably a very fun person and worthy of my time.

Amusement Parks shall be my houses of worship. Go forth and try the waterslides. No, it's not water.

Please, no blood sacrifices. In fact, no sacrifices of any kind. If you want, you can mail me a package of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups once in a while. I'm not above a little bribery. :)

Anybody killing in My name is just asking for a full-scale Holy Beatdown. I don't kill. As a highly creative and all-powerful being, I refuse to believe there isn't a more entertaining and cruel way to punish someone than by killing them. Perpetual Defecation is one of my favorites.

I'm not saying 'Don't Kill'. But don't pretend you're doing it for me. You're doing it for yourself. If you want to impress me, think of a more creative and amusing end for your enemies.

THat's about all I can think of. But if any of you have any specific questions about proper etiquette for dealing with an Omnipotent me, feel free to ask. :)

Unfourtunatly my God would get vengeful if I worshiped you, otherwise I would as your religion rocks.

Anyway. Back to my worship.

*Bows down to Google*

molest a cheetah and pray to me at the same time is probably a very fun person and worthy of my time.


Oh man, I wish I could draw. There is no way to convey the expression of the person praying, then paning to the expression that the cheetah has right before the situation gets out of hand.

Oh man, I wish I could draw. There is no way to convey the expression of the person praying, then paning to the expression that the cheetah has right before the situation gets out of hand.

I think that's something that belongs in a stained glass window, don't you?

I think that's something that belongs in a stained glass window, don't you?
Yes.

Yes it does.

Oh cool, another one in the pantheon.

*starts to infect with teh zany*

*only to realize that he's infected with something stronger*

Many people have asked me what would be expected of them as people should I achieve my goal of becoming omnipotent and achieving deity-like control over this world.

Actually, nobody asked. Which is, in many ways, even more disturbing. :p

First, a few expectations.

I don't plan to do much. In fact, except for dealing with a few pet peeves(the middle east and illiteracy) and a few physical changes to the planet and it's people to make Earth a little more fun, I'm probably not going to be a hands-on god at all.

Pray to me if you want. Far be it from me to stop you. If it makes you feel better, pray away. I'm not listening. Unless you're doing something truly bizarre at the time. Anybody who can do naked somersaults on the front lawn of the White House or molest a cheetah and pray to me at the same time is probably a very fun person and worthy of my time.

Amusement Parks shall be my houses of worship. Go forth and try the waterslides. No, it's not water.

Please, no blood sacrifices. In fact, no sacrifices of any kind. If you want, you can mail me a package of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups once in a while. I'm not above a little bribery. :)

Anybody killing in My name is just asking for a full-scale Holy Beatdown. I don't kill. As a highly creative and all-powerful being, I refuse to believe there isn't a more entertaining and cruel way to punish someone than by killing them. Perpetual Defecation is one of my favorites.

I'm not saying 'Don't Kill'. But don't pretend you're doing it for me. You're doing it for yourself. If you want to impress me, think of a more creative and amusing end for your enemies.

THat's about all I can think of. But if any of you have any specific questions about proper etiquette for dealing with an Omnipotent me, feel free to ask. :)

Hurry up and do it so you can give me a decent goddam job, like being in charge of one of your amusement parks..

Amusement Parks shall be my houses of worship. Go forth and try the waterslides. No, it's not water.
Hey, I was a lifegaurd at my summer job, in a WATERPARK! Does that make me Pope or something?

And, does killing include not saving people?

... dealing with a few pet peeves ...
Um ... my cat barfs up furballs on the rug. What is your advice oh omnipotent One? :D

Um ... my cat barfs up furballs on the rug. What is your advice oh omnipotent One? :D


Allow me.


Buy plastic rugs.

No need for divine intervention.

Hmmm... The Flying Spaghetti Monster offers "a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano" in heaven.

As an omnipotent diety-like being will you be making a counter-offer of a better afterlife?

Hurry up and do it so you can give me a decent goddam job, like being in charge of one of your amusement parks..

Do you think you have what it takes to live a life of goofballian priesthood? o.O

Hey, I was a lifegaurd at my summer job, in a WATERPARK! Does that make me Pope or something?

And, does killing include not saving people?

Definitely clergy.

Depends. But as a general rule, the longer someone lives, the longer you can mess with their heads. So when in doubt, save them. :)

I refuse to believe there isn't a more entertaining and cruel way to punish someone than by killing them. Perpetual Defecation is one of my favorites.

I see. The divine is living in the water pipes of Mexico.

EDIT: But now the line "No, it's not water" starts making sense...

I think that's something that belongs in a stained glass window, don't you?

I would pay for someone to make that window...