NationStates Jolt Archive

THE POPE
By Hannah Thoreson

As a result of researched compiled on an Internet search, I have decided that I would like to be a pope. Wait, no, not just a pope: the pope. Allow me to explain.

The pope is the head of the Catholic Church. He seems to be on Fox News a lot, too. The pope is responsible for meeting with other Catholic leaders, called Cardinals, and making policies for the Church. The pope also is occasionally required to consult with Bishops, which is difficult at best; Bishops can only move diagonally. To be the pope, you need to be a Catholic.
The pope needs to know a lot about God and be a very personable person that has empathy for other people. He also needs to be tolerant and willing to work with others. The pope goes to mass every morning, noon hour, and night, and does clerical work in between sessions. He also gets up on a balcony once in a while and waves his arms around and has to lead the activities at the World Youth Forum thingy.

Being a pope isn’t a very high-paying job, but there are benefits that come with being a pope. For one thing, the pope gets to wear this special white cap everywhere. I tried finding one of those when I went to Canada, but they didn’t have any. Popes also get their own posse, called the Swiss Guard. The Swiss Guard prides itself on wearing the same striped pantaloons it did in the 1500’s and carrying pikes to defend the Popemeister if need be. But the real benefit of being the pope is that you get to ride around in a custom-made, pimped-out ride called The Popemobile, and that’s hott. I guess popes, who live their lives in self-sacrifice to sinful humans, also probably have pretty good spiritual lives, meaning they are on good terms with God. Nothing too bad should ever happen to popes; I can’t imagine that popes would ever have bad karma or anything.

My findings have led me in a new life direction. I want to be a pope. Or maybe I could be the lead asshole of the Church of Scientology.

Forget class vice president. Vote Hannah Thoreson for pope in 2008. If Geena Davis can be the President on TV, then I can be the world’s first atheistic female pope.


********************************************************

Do you think my school guidance counselor will like that?

They tend to frown upon words like "asshole," even if they are the correct term.

THE POPE

As a result of researched compiled on an Internet search, I have decided that I would like to be a pope. Wait, no, not just a pope: the pope. Allow me to explain.

The pope is the head of the Catholic Church. He seems to be on Fox News a lot, too. The pope is responsible for meeting with other Catholic leaders, called Cardinals, and making policies for the Church. The pope also is occasionally required to consult with Bishops, which is difficult at best; Bishops can only move diagonally. To be the pope, you need to be a Catholic.

The pope needs to know a lot about God and be a very personable person that has empathy for other people. He also needs to be tolerant and willing to work with others. The pope goes to mass every morning, noon hour, and night, and does clerical work in between sessions. He also gets up on a balcony once in a while and waves his arms around and has to lead the activities at the World Youth Forum thingy.

Being a pope isn’t a very high-paying job, but there are benefits that come with being a pope. For one thing, the pope gets to wear this special white cap everywhere. I tried finding one of those when I went to Canada, but they didn’t have any. But the real benefit of being the pope is that you get to ride around in a custom-made, pimped-out ride called The Popemobile, and that’s hott. I guess popes, who live their lives in self-sacrifice to sinful humans, also probably have pretty good spiritual lives, meaning they are on good terms with God. Nothing too bad should ever happen to popes; I can’t imagine that popes would ever have bad karma or anything.

My findings have led me in a new life direction. I want to be a pope. Or maybe I could be the lead asshole of the Church of Scientology.

Forget class vice president. Vote Hannah Thoreson for pope in 2008.

********************************************************

Do you think my school guidance counselor will like that?
There are a number of problems with this new goal of yours, but I suspect you already know what those are.

My suggestion: go for the Scientology thang, not only are you smarter than most of the dimbulbs already involved in it, but you'd be rich too! :D

-snip-

Could you snip your quote? It's good etiquette when they are that long.

I'll vote for you! You've proven you have magical powers by predicting the date of Pope Benedict XVI's death already! ;)

And I'm certain your guidance counselor will definitely agree with you!
[/sarcasm]

I think the Pope has to be a guy…

Good luck. Your going to need it.

Hehehe... If this is a humorous article, then very nice job. If it isn't... you might want to do some revising.

Hehehe... If this is a humorous article, then very nice job. If it isn't... you might want to do some revising.
Did anyone here actually take it seriously?

remember being pope means no hanky panky :fluffle:

THE POPE

As a result of researched compiled on an Internet search, I have decided that I would like to be a pope. Wait, no, not just a pope: the pope. Allow me to explain.

The pope is the head of the Catholic Church. He seems to be on Fox News a lot, too. The pope is responsible for meeting with other Catholic leaders, called Cardinals, and making policies for the Church. The pope also is occasionally required to consult with Bishops, which is difficult at best; Bishops can only move diagonally. To be the pope, you need to be a Catholic.

The pope needs to know a lot about God and be a very personable person that has empathy for other people. He also needs to be tolerant and willing to work with others. The pope goes to mass every morning, noon hour, and night, and does clerical work in between sessions. He also gets up on a balcony once in a while and waves his arms around and has to lead the activities at the World Youth Forum thingy.

Being a pope isn’t a very high-paying job, but there are benefits that come with being a pope. For one thing, the pope gets to wear this special white cap everywhere. I tried finding one of those when I went to Canada, but they didn’t have any. But the real benefit of being the pope is that you get to ride around in a custom-made, pimped-out ride called The Popemobile, and that’s hott. I guess popes, who live their lives in self-sacrifice to sinful humans, also probably have pretty good spiritual lives, meaning they are on good terms with God. Nothing too bad should ever happen to popes; I can’t imagine that popes would ever have bad karma or anything.

My findings have led me in a new life direction. I want to be a pope. Or maybe I could be the lead asshole of the Church of Scientology.

Forget class vice president. Vote Hannah Thoreson for pope in 2008.

********************************************************

Do you think my school guidance counselor will like that?


Ah, but you forgot the best benefit of all...The Pope gets to wear a dress and no one thinks he's strange.

remember being pope means no hanky panky :fluffle:
Or rather, it does now. You could always get back to the good old days.

I'm making a few revisions.

When referencing to the Pope Mobile you should note that 'hot' is spelt just like that, not 'hott.' Also the Catholic Church is decietful and evil, it leads people away from the Bible and God. Follow the Bible, not the Pope.

remember being pope means no hanky panky :fluffle:

I'm sorry, but you just left the door wide open for this -

Or rather, it means no hanky panky with fullgrown females. That kind of crap will get you fired. The Catholic church does NOT tolerate normal, natural male-female intercourse.

Now... little boys? It's all good if you don't mind being moved around every 10 years or so. :p

I'm making a few revisions.
o.O


Wait.... you meant this seriously?! :eek:

remember being pope means no hanky panky :fluffle:
Oh really? *turns to his camera-projected screens* Some of the things I could tell you, by Mod...

No, it's a joke. That's why I'm making the changes. I had kinda meant it seriously, but I guess they don't let women be popes.

No, it's a joke. That's why I'm making the changes. I had kinda meant it seriously, but I guess they don't let women be popes.
Not that I'm complaining... at least in this case...

I had kinda meant it seriously

Um... How? :D

Not that I'm complaining... at least in this case...

Well, I don't think I like the idea of being a Catholic, so I can't be a pope.

But I can't wait to see what the guidance councelor says; it has fulfilled all of the requirements, it's just shitty.

No, it's a joke. That's why I'm making the changes. I had kinda meant it seriously, but I guess they don't let women be popes.
they don't, part of the ceremony actually involves checking for the correct bits. this is because a girl once succeded. they only found this out once the pope gave birth :D (dead giveaway, that)

Well, I don't think I like the idea of being a Catholic, so I can't be a pope.

But I can't wait to see what the guidance councelor says; it has fulfilled all of the requirements, it's just shitty.
"You're applying to be the pope?!"

A bit like my Death Eater, Assassin, and Evil Warlord humorous applications and training booklets which I wrote last year, or some of my rejected college application essays.... ;)

"You're applying to be the pope?!"

I think I would make a terrible pope.

I think I would make a terrible pope.
Me, too.

I also think I'd make an awful pope.

"Catholics! There are too many other kinds of Christianity out there! We must destroy every perversion of the True Church, else we shall never attain salvation! Shoot and burn all Protestants, and destroy their houses! Torture them to death! The new Inquisition has begun!" *smoke fills the air around me* "Hahahahaha! Ahahahahahah! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" *disappears in a flash of fire*

I'm an atheist, too.

I just want the popemobile. I saw that thing on here yesterday, and it's awesome.

You can run in and steal it while my Special Agent fighters distract the guards by shooting at Benny.

they don't, part of the ceremony actually involves checking for the correct bits. this is because a girl once succeded. they only found this out once the pope gave birth :D (dead giveaway, that)
Myth. Read The Female Pope: The Real Pope Joan. It was written by a woman and her husband seeking the prove Peope Joan excisted and concluded it was false and that the legendary pierced seat has not once been used in Papal ceremony.

Sorry to bust your bubble.

Dude, this is the kinda stuff i hand in for planning class... mind if i borrow your idea?

I'm an atheist, too.
Which may go a long way toward explaining why you have virtually no knowledge of the Catholic Church. :D

Which may go a long way toward explaining why you have virtually no knowledge of the Catholic Church. :D
True, that. ;)

True, that. ;)
:D

However, I still know that the greatest Catholic ever was Pope Martin Luther III, aka St. Martin, who also served as ruler of Ne... *someone whispers in his ear* Oh, yes. Sorry about that. *runs away*

Myth. Read The Female Pope: The Real Pope Joan. It was written by a woman and her husband seeking the prove Peope Joan excisted and concluded it was false and that the legendary pierced seat has not once been used in Papal ceremony.

Sorry to bust your bubble.
fine, be like that <drinks a glass of vodka (not a shotglass)>

I'm sorry, but you just left the door wide open for this -

Or rather, it means no hanky panky with fullgrown females. That kind of crap will get you fired. The Catholic church does NOT tolerate normal, natural male-female intercourse.

Now... little boys? It's all good if you don't mind being moved around every 10 years or so. :p
That was so fucking lame.

Basically so i could change the rules of the Catholic religion and make people Saints left and right... i feel it would be an improvment. After all who wouldn't want me as the pope! Mind you i would rather be the ruler of the universe... but i've got to start somewhere and Pope sounds good...

That was so fucking lame.
Pun intended? :p

Basically so i could change the rules of the Catholic religion and make people Saints left and right... i feel it would be an improvment. After all who wouldn't want me as the pope! Mind you i would rather be the ruler of the universe... but i've got to start somewhere and Pope sounds good...

<-- *Points to self*

Sorry, that post's taken. :D

~The Libertarian Concordance of Czardas~
Supreme Ruler of the Omniverse which means "All Universes"

<-- *Points to self*

Sorry, that post's taken. :D

~The Libertarian Concordance of Czardas~
Supreme Ruler of the Omniverse which means "All Universes"

Well i guess you'll just have to be usurped... in a nice way mind you :sniper:
**insert angel face here ** ;)

Well i guess you'll just have to be usurped... in a nice way mind you :sniper:
**insert angel face here ** ;)
Well, by the time you worked your way through the Outer Guardians, the Central Guardians, the ISCC, the Elite Guardian Squad, the ModOperations, the machine gun nests, the fire pits, and the force fields, you'd probably be too tired and full of bullet holes to match me—an elite swordsman and martial arts black belt—in single combat. Sorry. :p

Well, by the time you worked your way through the Outer Guardians, the Central Guardians, the ISCC, the Elite Guardian Squad, the ModOperations, the machine gun nests, the fire pits, and the force fields, you'd probably be too tired and full of bullet holes to match me—an elite swordsman and martial arts black belt—in single combat. Sorry. :p

Probably... But if i get made Pope first. "God" may favour me and give me eternal life :eek: pfff... or at least i'd get into "heaven" LOL

Probably... But if i get made Pope first. "God" may favour me and give me eternal life :eek: pfff... or at least i'd get into "heaven" LOL
I'm not particularly favorable towards you at the moment....


Yeah, you never considered this, but read the Bible closely and you'll be able to see clearly that God is just another sadistic, homicidal egomaniac. I mean, demanding worship and killing and torturing those who don't?

This article might be very helpful to some of you.

Now is our chance to become popes (http://www.ninjapirate.com/popelication.html)

I'm not particularly favorable towards you at the moment....


Yeah, you never considered this, but read the Bible closely and you'll be able to see clearly that God is just another sadistic, homicidal egomaniac. I mean, demanding worship and killing and torturing those who don't?


Well i apologise for you not finding me favourable... i can't really influence your opinion of me.

Also notice the word God had quotation marks around it as i don't believe in him. Pfff is also used to show my distaste. And i laughed at the concept of heaven.

Well i apologise for you not finding me favourable... i can't really influence your opinion of me.

Also notice the word God had quotation marks around it as i don't believe in him. Pfff is also used to show my distaste. And i laughed at the concept of heaven.
You don't believe in me, I see. Well, everyone knows what happens to sinners like that...

You don't believe in me, I see. Well, everyone knows what happens to sinners like that...

Nice to know that i'm having a conversation with someone who doesn't exist... let alone a sadistic, homicidal egomaniac.
And yes sinners are "known" to go to hell.
Mind you since i don't believe in God or heaven... should be interesting if i go to hell... i'd be proven wrong which would be GRAND

Nice to know that i'm having a conversation with someone who doesn't exist... let alone a sadistic, homicidal egomaniac. The second is old news, btw.


And yes sinners are "known" to go to hell.
Mind you since i don't believe in God or heaven... should be interesting if i go to hell... i'd be proven wrong which would be GRAND
I'll order Hell specially for you then, most people just get oblivion...

The second is old news, btw.



I'll order Hell specially for you then, most people just get oblivion...

:) Thanks nice to know i get treated a little different from most people.
And when i get to hell. I'll apologise for my lack of belief in "God"

:) Thanks nice to know i get treated a little different from most people.
And when i get to hell. I'll apologise for my lack of belief in "God"
You'd do well to call me by my full title, btw.

The High Lord, His Most Glorious <my name>, Supreme Ruler of the Omniverse, Ruler of the Trillion Suns, High King above All Kings, Lord of All Things Visible and Invisible, Master of the Atom, Slayer of Enemies, The Supreme Torturer, He Who Punishes, Leader of the Free World, Sole Wielder of the Awful Long-bladed Sharp-pointed Keen-edged Harrowed Sword of DOOM, The Sole Deity... I'm too tired to remember the rest of them. I've been up for the last 22 eons though, so little wonder.

I think the Pope has to be a guy…

Actually, I'm pretty sure that it doesn't say that anywhere in church rules or whatever. You also don't have to be catholic. The College of Cardinals can make anybody Pope. Why is this so? Because it was taken as an assumption that of course the Pope would be a male catholic, because when they formulated the rules, they didn't even consider someone else being pope.

If I ever become a Cardinal, which I doubt, in that I am female, & not Catholic, then I will vote for you.

Rightous, man. :cool:

You'd do well to call me by my full title, btw.

The High Lord, His Most Glorious <my name>, Supreme Ruler of the Omniverse, Ruler of the Trillion Suns, High King above All Kings, Lord of All Things Visible and Invisible, Master of the Atom, Slayer of Enemies, The Supreme Torturer, He Who Punishes, Leader of the Free World, Sole Wielder of the Awful Long-bladed Sharp-pointed Keen-edged Harrowed Sword of DOOM, The Sole Deity... I'm too tired to remember the rest of them. I've been up for the last 22 eons though, so little wonder.

Well that's a little long to remember. So by the time i get to hell i should know it by heart

ngaio will know about this more than many... volk, in the lovely land of NZ we have a somewhat culty "christian" church called "destiny", where the leader , one Brian Tamaki was just a preacher then a "reverend" and has now ordained himself a bishop.... i reckon just a few years until he declares pope-ness....

so you could join and take over if you wanna.... but you have to have a penchant for expensive clothes and spending other peoples money...ah i see you have potential already :) jokes jokes
ill admit this isn't THE pope, but you could be A pope, and since nobody has really done much about this guy tamaki calling himself a bishop, you TOO can be pope without too much fuss.

he hasnt been caught out scandalously...yet

ngaio will know about this more than many... volk, in the lovely land of NZ we have a somewhat culty "christian" church called "destiny", where the leader , one Brian Tamaki was just a preacher then a "reverend" and has now ordained himself a bishop.... i reckon just a few years until he declares pope-ness....

so you could join and take over if you wanna.... but you have to have a penchant for expensive clothes and spending other peoples money...ah i see you have potential already :) jokes jokes
ill admit this isn't THE pope, but you could be A pope, and since nobody has really done much about this guy tamaki calling himself a bishop, you TOO can be pope without too much fuss.

he hasnt been caught out scandalously...yet

Unfortunately the "wonderful" Brain Tamiki :mp5: is opposed to women in power and teen alcohol consumption. 2 things i greatly appreciate. Mind you... i could do New Zealand a favour and get rid of him, then proclaim myself a pope... sounds like a plan. Tamaki is just a pain in the ass who wants to oppress people's human rights... the civil rights bill was bad enough i'd hate to see the uproar if i took him on... WOOO sounds like fun. Mind you being associated with Destiny Church is something i would be ashamed off, so i think i will sacrifice my dream of being pope for my dignity.
And unfortunately Destiny is a Christain Church and being Pope is a rather Catholic thing. Mind you rules are made to be broken

if i go to hell... i'd be proven wrong which would be GRAND

Sweet! I'm so using that next time somebody asks me why I choose to sin hehe.

Actually, I'm pretty sure that it doesn't say that anywhere in church rules or whatever. You also don't have to be catholic. The College of Cardinals can make anybody Pope. Why is this so? Because it was taken as an assumption that of course the Pope would be a male catholic, because when they formulated the rules, they didn't even consider someone else being pope.

Catholics are also rather good at basing things on tradition rather than the actual rules...

Also, if you go back far enough I don't think it even necessarily has to be the Cardinals making the decision - it just has to be the Church of Rome...

Sweet! I'm so using that next time somebody asks me why I choose to sin hehe.

LOL feel free to use that. Share the sin **insert angel face here** NGAIO UNITED FOR POPE!!!!

LOL