NationStates Jolt Archive

All right i'll be honest I don't know where this came from but its funny as hell

"the following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country(USA)


#15 Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they are new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile

#14 Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document

#13 If you run you'll only go to jail tired

#12 Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.

#11 So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?

#10 Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh.. did I mention I was the Shift Supervisor?

#9 WARNING! You want a warning? OK I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket

#8 The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?

#7 Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey shit

#6 Yeah, we have a quota. Two more ticekts and my wife gets a toaster oven

#5 In god we trust, all others we run through NCIC

#4 Just how big were those Two Beers

#3 No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want

#2 I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail

#1
You didn't think we give pretty woman tickets?........You're right we don't.....Sign Here?





OOC: this is Of the council of clan speaking on this one
I have limited experiance as a law enforcement officer but I have a couple of good ones myself.

I was on a ride along with this one

"Why did I pull you over?.....Well at 2:30am the only people on the road are Cops and Assholes and it doesn't look like you have a badge.


This one is mine
(when i pulled the stop I was planning on giving them a verbal warning but its amazing how much people can run their mouths and get themselves in trouble)
Driver: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

Me: My name is Specialist Wallace I am with the Fort Story Military Police

Driver: Do you always wait this long after pulling someone over to come up to me.

Me: yes we do sir, I was following procedure to make sure it was safe to approach the vehicle (running the plate, can take a few minutes)

Driver's Wife: I DON'T SEE WHY IT SHOULD TAKE THIS LONG!!!!!!!, DO YOU HAVE A BADGE NUMBER, WHAT'S YOUR BADGE NUMBER

Me: Mam, yes I do have a badge number and it will be on your husbands ticket, I'll be back in a minute.


Yea I know its not as funny as the list, but it was funny if you were there.

You know It's hard but I do manage to stay professional in most situations, And to keep my temper, but I still write tickets, especially in Military Housing areas, sorry no speeding around little kids. Its a hard job, everybody hates you but complains when you do nothing, then complain when you do something. Yes some cops are power hungry but remember that most really do care(like me).

"Why did I pull you over?.....Well at 2:30am the only people on the road are Cops and Assholes and it doesn't look like you have a badge.I somehow don't think that cop will show up to the trial

#2 I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail

Rofl I tried that once.

I somehow don't think that cop will show up to the trial


the guy got a verbal warning.

I'm a Registered JP Magistrate and nothing sh!ts me off more then having to deal with the fall out of cops "having a little fun". Cut it out. I don't get paid enough for this crap.

I liked Super Troopers. :) Just thought I'd say so.

Never been puled over though, so that may make it seem funnier than it probably really is.

Me: My name is Specialist Wallace I am with the Fort Story Military Police.

*grins*

Then I'm sure you'll remember my personal favorite...

"Colonel, please don't make the mistake of confusing your rank with my authority."

Fort Hood 502nd, Pleased to meet you. (long, long ago... We still patrolled in Jeeps, and it took me three months of fight to get to carry the "male" .45 instead of the "female" .38, if that gives you a hint as to how long)

#13 If you run you'll only go to jail tired

#12 Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun.

#11 So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?

I'm a Registered JP Magistrate and nothing sh!ts me off more then having to deal with the fall out of cops "having a little fun". Cut it out. I don't get paid enough for this crap.

Yeah,shit like that is:
1) NOT funny
2) One of the main reasons people frickin HATE the police

Seriously,last time somebody tried that on me (a security guard,not a cop), I decided to verbally escalate the situation til he hit me first.Then I hospitalized him.Then I ran because the other guards wanted my ass...

Yeah,shit like that is:
1) NOT funny
2) One of the main reasons people frickin HATE the police

you know, afaik they don't do it to have a little fun but only when the person in question is being rude to them first..and i think it is a waaayy better way to relieve the stress of being yelled at 15 times a night than yelling back would be.

Seriously,last time somebody tried that on me (a security guard,not a cop), I decided to verbally escalate the situation til he hit me first.Then I hospitalized him.Then I ran because the other guards wanted my ass...

I hope you get fired someday soon. infact.... tomarrow I CURSE YOU VOODOOVOODOOVOODOO. hahahahah have fun being unemployed.

I always wanted to be a cop, but then I decided to finish high school :eek:

one story I read, an officer was called to a scene of an accident, a car hit a tree and was in such a position that it was slightly tilted up.

the officer went to the driver side window and tapped on the glass to check on the driver. the driver (obviously drunk) was still 'Driving' when the DD looked to the left, he got a surpised look on his face and floored the gas pedal. with the car slightly raised, the wheels spun, but the car obviously didn't go anywhere...

the cop immediately starting running in place, telling the drunk to pull over. the drunk revved his engine and the cop 'ran' faster, until the engine keeled over.

as the drunk was handcuffed and taken away, he was reported in saying "damn, I can't believe I couldn't shake that cop."

"Why did I pull you over?.....Well at 2:30am the only people on the road are Cops and Assholes and it doesn't look like you have a badge.

And Bartenders of course. One reason that people don't like policemen is their apparent lack of intelligence (given that they're paid to be professional and uphold the letter of law not their take on it - for some reason it tends to give them a strangely robotic and completely out-of-touch-with-common-sense style of conversation.

Case in point, one of my ex-colleagues, driving home after working her shift in a nightclub, got pulled over by the police checking randomly for drink-drivers. The first question posed was to the effect of "What are you doing out driving this late?" Bit of a affront this being a free country but my friend let it slide and simply told them that she was driving home from work. Next question: "Where do you work?" Bear in mind at this point that the name of the nightclub (quite well known in the area) was written across her T-shirt, the answer, I'd have thought, was quite obvious (My friend isn't the kind of build that you could miss such things ;) )

*grins*

Then I'm sure you'll remember my personal favorite...

"Colonel, please don't make the mistake of confusing your rank with my authority."

Fort Hood 502nd, Pleased to meet you. (long, long ago... We still patrolled in Jeeps, and it took me three months of fight to get to carry the "male" .45 instead of the "female" .38, if that gives you a hint as to how long)


::Bows in respect:: you were a real MP on a Real Army post (Fort Story is nothing but a TRADOC Post and has less than a 1000 people on it)

I am so glad I haven't had to deal with Drunken Infantry/Cav/Armor

And Bartenders of course. One reason that people don't like policemen is their apparent lack of intelligence (given that they're paid to be professional and uphold the letter of law not their take on it - for some reason it tends to give them a strangely robotic and completely out-of-touch-with-common-sense style of conversation.

Case in point, one of my ex-colleagues, driving home after working her shift in a nightclub, got pulled over by the police checking randomly for drink-drivers. The first question posed was to the effect of "What are you doing out driving this late?" Bit of a affront this being a free country but my friend let it slide and simply told them that she was driving home from work. Next question: "Where do you work?" Bear in mind at this point that the name of the nightclub (quite well known in the area) was written across her T-shirt, the answer, I'd have thought, was quite obvious (My friend isn't the kind of build that you could miss such things ;) )


Listen whether or not this sounds silly we have to follow procedures like that because of the courts and lawyers that and in this job you learn to assume nothing.

man my dad is a cop....showed him the list and he laughed his ass off.



[my dad works up here in canada...in a city called laval...i am also proud to say he is the first greek cop ever in the laval police.]

I always wanted to be a cop, but then I decided to finish high school :eek:



not funny you need a collage degree in canada to get in the police.