NationStates Jolt Archive

Hmm. Life sucks. Girlfriends are lame.

Tonight I went out to the movies with my gf and her friend. Her friend invited a guy friend of hers and he brought two of his mates. My gfs friend liked the guy she invitied. Anyway, we went to get the tickets and my gf's ex is there. She goes over to him and starts flirting with him. While I'm there. He's tried to break us up in the past, but hey, she flirts with him anyway. I say something to her, and she gets angry at me for "not letting her have friends". Apparently a guy whos tried to break us up and get with her is a "friend". We kind of sort things out a bit before the movie starts.
Movie goes pretty well.
After the movie though, she starts flirting with the guy who her friend likes. For about 20 minutes she pays me no attention while shes laughing at this guys jokes and talking to him all nicely and stuff. I'm like, wtf.. I'm standing here. I'm your bf. We've been going out for 5 months. Now, I'm selfish because I got hurt seeing her flirt with two guys. Like its my fault. Then again, perhaps it is. I don't know.
Sigh, that was my night. Needed to let it out before I explode, and you lucker NSers get to hear all about it.

You're obviously not her boyfriend. Find someone else.

Hmm, good call I guess.
Don't like admitting it though lol.

Hmm, good call I guess.
Don't like admitting it though lol.

No, it's never pretty when you discover this the hard way.

No, it's never pretty when you discover this the hard way.
Alas, plently more fish in the sea as they say. Atleast Jessica Simpson was hot in the movie. Not all bad.

This is women. Get used to it. Learn to love the pain.

Or....

Play your own mindgames. Ask the guy if he wants to have a threesome with you and your girlfriend. That'll probably mess with her head a bit. :p

I take offense at the title of this thread.

Perhaps what you characterize as flirting is what she characterizes as being nice and/or friendly.

Geez. I hate when guys are such pussies and get pissed off when a girl talks to another guy.

I'm SURE this is the wrong way to go about it, but when I was younger and dating, if something like that happened to me, I always found that a dude with a broken jaw couldn't flirt with my girl too well. But thats just me.

P.S. Forget about her too if she wants to whore around, BUT you must be sure it was flirting and not just "innocent" flirting. Some woman are natural flirts, and means nothing by it. But some are just whores.

This is women. Get used to it. Learn to love the pain.

Or....

Play your own mindgames. Ask the guy if he wants to have a threesome with you and your girlfriend. That'll probably mess with her head a bit. :p
Haha, the pain wasn't so bad. It was so blatant didn't have too much time to hurt. Lol, mind games you say.. Could be interesting.

if she was doing that right in front of you, evidently she's not the one for you - or cares about you too much. sorry dude i'd say its over. if its a mindgame, personally i wouldn't put up with it.

next time she wants something from you though, you can tell her to fuck off. better that than end up like one of my friends (totally 'whipped even after she broke up with him in a similar manner to this. actually, it was much worse but there you go)

what town are you in?

I know how you feel.

Alot of people can be over-friendly and their actions be mistaken for flirting (I have a lot of friends like that).

However, if she is actually flirting with these people, then I would have to conclude that she has no respect for you. You need to either sit her down and talk this through with her or end it.

You could always try repeating what she does with a female friend of yours and see how she reacts (obviously you would have to ask your friend if she will participate otherwise you stand to lose a good friendship).

I did this for one of my friends (who was female) and it helped them.

Perhaps what you characterize as flirting is what she characterizes as being nice and/or friendly.

Geez. I hate when guys are such pussies and get pissed off when a girl talks to another guy.
Geez. I hate it when people think they're so cool and perfect when they have little or no insight into the situation. If she was being nice and friendly, I would have said that. But I said flirting. That means flirting. Deal with it.

P.S. Forget about her too if she wants to whore around, BUT you must be sure it was flirting and not just "innocent" flirting. Some woman are natural flirts, and means nothing by it. But some are just whores.
....


You do know that women do go to these forums, right?


I'll tear you a new one when I get back from my classes.

what town are you in?
Wellington man.. You?

This is women. Get used to it. Learn to love the pain.

Or....

Play your own mindgames. Ask the guy if he wants to have a threesome with you and your girlfriend. That'll probably mess with her head a bit. :p

That only works when the women are a bit older. My pet theory is that women below the age of 25 (and most men below that age) have no real idea what they want out of life - much less a boyfriend or relationship.

My wife and I are a good example. We have enough of a relationship so that sex is not "all" of our relationship, and our committment to each other is strong enough to allow us to participate in a lot of swinging. If your relationship isn't strong, it will disintegrate when you do the threesome.

But when you're younger, and you expect committment out of someone you've only been with for five months - that's unrealistic. Enjoy the sex and companionship for what it's worth at that age, and make your own plans for the future.

Perhaps what you characterize as flirting is what she characterizes as being nice and/or friendly.

Geez. I hate when guys are such pussies and get pissed off when a girl talks to another guy.

Well, neither of us where there, but it depends on HOW she was talking to him and what exactly she was saying.

I don't mind my girlfriend hanging out with guys but if either she or one of the guys gets a bit too excited I'd haul her back in and put him back into his place.
If I'm loyal to her and not flirt with the girls that I meet every day at work (ICT intern at a fashion bureau) then she can do the same for me.

Wellington man.. You?

yeah, same.

Geez. I hate it when people think they're so cool and perfect when they have little or no insight into the situation. If she was being nice and friendly, I would have said that. But I said flirting. That means flirting. Deal with it.
So she flirts with everyone? Then these guys aren't special. She chose to go to the movies with you. She chose to date you. She isn't kissing or touching or doing anything else with these other guys, she's just flirting with them. For some people, flirting is meaningless and/or unintentional. Some people are just flirts and flirt with everyone.

If you can't deal with that then that's your problem.

Ok. Let me get this straight. It was flirting. There was a little physical contact (touching arm) with her ex. I'm not some stupid 9 yr old who doesn't understand what flirting is and isn't.

You could always try repeating what she does with a female friend of yours and see how she reacts (obviously you would have to ask your friend if she will participate otherwise you stand to lose a good friendship).

I did this for one of my friends (who was female) and it helped them.
mindgames, mindgames, mindfucks... whats wrong with just communicating normally? or are people in relationships actually incapable of doing this :confused:

*cough*speaking from experience*cough*

talk to her about what happened. tell her that it was insulting and you were hurt because of what she did. if she still just blows you off then i think you would be better looking for someone else. i wouldnt want a g/f that pays more attention to other guys than she does me...

....


You do know that women do go to these forums, right?


I'll tear you a new one when I get back from my classes.

You can start with me. I'm the one who selects men to swing with my wife.

Not that I don't play - she selects women to swing with me.

But we do have committment (at a much broader level than sex), and trust.

Seems like the people who cry, "whore" are lacking in trust - and in some cases, they have experienced a raw breaking of trust.

Works both ways though. Men can be whores, too.

*cough*speaking from experience*cough*

talk to her about what happened. tell her that it was insulting and you were hurt because of what she did. if she still just blows you off then i think you would be better looking for someone else. i wouldnt want a g/f that pays more attention to other guys than she does me...
Yea. Gonna have a proper talk tomorrow. We'll see I guess.

As stated before, tell her to stop it, if she doesn't, dump her and try to find others.

....


You do know that women do go to these forums, right?


I'll tear you a new one when I get back from my classes.
If you have a problem with me saying some (SOME) women can be whores, your living in a bubble. I didn't say all women are whores. IN FACT, I was defending women, stating that some are whores, while others are innocent.
But if you want to "rip me a new one" go right the hell ahead, cause you'll be doing nothing but raving at the air.

So she flirts with everyone? Then these guys aren't special. She chose to go to the movies with you. She chose to date you. She isn't kissing or touching or doing anything else with these other guys, she's just flirting with them. For some people, flirting is meaningless and/or unintentional. Some people are just flirts and flirt with everyone.

If you can't deal with that then that's your problem.

I agree, suck it up, some people flirt alot.

Do her so hard she's too tired to flirt :D

Do her so hard she's too tired to flirt :D

Flirting, when you are already in an atmosphere of understanding and trust (i.e., you understand that she flirts, and you trust her), is OK. And normal.

When you are uncertain about your relationship, and don't have the trust, it's not OK. She can still do it, but she shouldn't expect you to stick around.

As an example, it's fine if my wife has sex with other men - but we have the understanding and trust necessary to make that possible. So it's OK (actually, when we're swinging, it's great).

But if we were uncertain about our relationship, it would be a bad thing.

Yeah yeah. All that. Though I don't know about the swinging.

But...

I was just offering a simple solution to his problem. Not a deep insight in the human psyche.

Yeah yeah. All that. Though I don't know about the swinging.

But...

I was just offering a simple solution to his problem. Not a deep insight in the human psyche.
Yea. Well it's a reasonably clear-cut situation. A simple solution is all that's needed.

Yea. Well it's a reasonably clear-cut situation. A simple solution is all that's needed.
Then I repeat: "Do her so hard she's too tired to flirt"

Then I repeat: "Do her so hard she's too tired to flirt"
I believe I'm left with no other option. It shall be done :fluffle:

Sigh. Any homosexual that was offended by the title.. Well, seriously. Pathetic. And "gay" meant happy before homosexual. No matter.

Sigh. Any homosexual that was offended by the title.. Well, seriously. Pathetic. And "gay" meant happy before homosexual. No matter.
There's a thread in Moderation. Fight it there

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=446712

And "gay" meant happy before homosexual. No matter.Then the title was rather misleading, wasn't it?

Then the title was rather misleading, wasn't it?
Misleading? Perhaps.. If you want to take it that way. My main point for stating that it has a different meaning was to show that meanings can change over time. That's all.

Misleading? Perhaps.. If you want to take it that way. My main point for stating that it has a different meaning was to show that meanings can change over time. That's all.As far as I know, it still means "happy" and hasn't meant "bad" yet. That's what I was hinting at (and I was rather surprised to see it was a grumpy thread...).

As far as I know, it still means "happy" and hasn't meant "bad" yet. That's what I was hinting at (and I was rather surprised to see it was a grumpy thread...).

It's a word with many meanings.

gay
adj. gay·er, gay·est

1. Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex.
2. Showing or characterized by cheerfulness and lighthearted excitement; merry.
3. Bright or lively, especially in color: a gay, sunny room.
4. Given to social pleasures.
5. Dissolute; licentious.


I hardly believe that the initial use of the word "gay" in the title was intended as a homophobic slur. It wasn't as though his post concerned any homosexuals or homosexual activity.

It's a word with many meanings.

gay
adj. gay·er, gay·est

1. Of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of the same sex.
2. Showing or characterized by cheerfulness and lighthearted excitement; merry.
3. Bright or lively, especially in color: a gay, sunny room.
4. Given to social pleasures.
5. Dissolute; licentious.


I hardly believe that the initial use of the word "gay" in the title was intended as a homophobic slur. It wasn't as though his post concerned any homosexuals or homosexual activity.I'm aware of that. I mean that I thought he was talking about something happy and noticed that he had misused the word when I read the first sentence of his OP. "Gay", to my knowledge, has never meant "bad".

I'm aware of that. I mean that I thought he was talking about something happy and noticed that he had misused the word when I read the first sentence of his OP. "Gay", to my knowledge, has never meant "bad".
It was slang. None of the homosexuals I know seem to mind how it's currently being used. Maybe it hasn't yet reached Europe or something. I know it's used as bad in Australia and America, and here in NZ too.

It was slang. None of the homosexuals I know seem to mind how it's currently being used. Maybe it hasn't yet reached Europe or something. I know it's used as bad in Australia and America, and here in NZ too.Well, I guess now you know that it will cause misconceptions if you use the word wrong on this forum ;)

Well, I guess now you know that it will cause misconceptions if you use the word wrong on this forum ;)
I sure do. I thought it was harmless, I guess I learnt that lesson quickly. Of course, I meant no offense. Sorry if any was caused.

I'm aware of that. I mean that I thought he was talking about something happy and noticed that he had misused the word when I read the first sentence of his OP. "Gay", to my knowledge, has never meant "bad".

I've heard it used as "bad" here. But not as I take the literal meaning of "bad".

Example:

"Your clothes are so gay."

meaning, you have dressed so badly, you look like a poster child for the fashion challenged.

It doesn't, in the slightest, mean that homosexuals are bad.

It doesn't, in the slightest, mean that homosexuals are bad.Argh! You missed my point!

Argh! You missed my point!
Ahem. Then what IS your point exactly?

Will you stop bickering? It's so gay :p

Will you stop bickering? It's so gay :p
Oh no! LP you just used the term 'gay' in a homophobic way. Beware, Fass will come for you :p

Ahem. Then what IS your point exactly?
Hm... I thought you managed to address it earlier.

Oh no! LP you just used the term 'gay' in a homophobic way. Beware, Fass will come for you :p
Nah. He know's I'm an ass pirate. :eek: :fluffle:

Hm... I thought you managed to address it earlier.
Ok then. Lol, nevermind. So tired now, and still so surprised such offense could be taken. Oh well.

Nah. He know's I'm an ass pirate. :eek: :fluffle:Sans jambes...
(Which means you can't run away from him... :p )

Nah. He know's I'm an ass pirate. :eek: :fluffle:

Yes, but will Fass "come"? ;)

Yes, but will Fass "come"? ;)
Haha. It appears not :(

I've heard it used as "bad" here. But not as I take the literal meaning of "bad".

Example:

"Your clothes are so gay."

meaning, you have dressed so badly, you look like a poster child for the fashion challenged.

It doesn't, in the slightest, mean that homosexuals are bad.

I don't suppose it would contribute much to point out that in some circles, calling someone's clothes "gay" would actually be a compliment, since gay men are supposed to have more fashion sense than straight men.

Ah, what a wonderful and silly thing the English language is! There are so many different meanings to any given word, you can make anything mean anything!

:p

...you can make anything mean anything!

:p
Anything DOES mean anything :rolleyes:

Anything DOES mean anything :rolleyes:
Can you source that? No? I don't believe it! :p

Anything DOES mean anything :rolleyes:

See what I mean? :D

Hmm. Life sucks. Girlfriends are lame.

Tonight I went out to the movies with my gf and her friend. Her friend invited a guy friend of hers and he brought two of his mates. My gfs friend liked the guy she invitied. Anyway, we went to get the tickets and my gf's ex is there. She goes over to him and starts flirting with him. While I'm there. He's tried to break us up in the past, but hey, she flirts with him anyway. I say something to her, and she gets angry at me for "not letting her have friends". Apparently a guy whos tried to break us up and get with her is a "friend". We kind of sort things out a bit before the movie starts.
Movie goes pretty well.
After the movie though, she starts flirting with the guy who her friend likes. For about 20 minutes she pays me no attention while shes laughing at this guys jokes and talking to him all nicely and stuff. I'm like, wtf.. I'm standing here. I'm your bf. We've been going out for 5 months. Now, I'm selfish because I got hurt seeing her flirt with two guys. Like its my fault. Then again, perhaps it is. I don't know.
Sigh, that was my night. Needed to let it out before I explode, and you lucker NSers get to hear all about it.


Sounds to me like your gf is very insecure, probably either 'Daddy's little girl', meaning she needs male attention a lot, or the opposite and she didn't get enough attention from her Dad and seeks it from every male she meets. I probably go for the latter as she doesn't seem to be overly needy with you, but then I don't know for sure.

But in any case she is transferring her insecurities on to you and unfortunately women over the last 20 years have become as hypocritical as men are when it comes to honesty and commitment. So if she won't even admit that she's flirting then just tell her to fuck off!

Atleast this way you don't get hurt. But what's more important is the fact that she probably won't care as much as she should anyway and her first response will be to phone some ex and get comfort that way. Which in the end isn't what her first reaction should be.

Whoah, let me have a word or two in.

1st: I took a look on this thread for the strange title -what was it originally?
(Oh, I'm not curious, just want to know everything :) )

2nd: I'm one of these womens earlier referred to as "natural flirts"; had two or three break ups because of it before anyone cared to tell me why. My boyfriends strangely never did, they just went like "I'm soo hurt and you treat me sooo badly", but never told me WHAT hurt them, just going on about me treating them disrespectfully. Then a friend of mine told me, that where I go, I seem to flirt, and I was stunned by this revelation -because I never noticed.

Do you, Preisandros, know if your gf knows what she is doing? Maybe she ist thinking everything is being normal and doesn't realize her behaviour is flirting?

PS: But if she does know, and won't admit to you, or even laughs to your face about you about it: Kick the wh... -well, know what I mean. ;)

It became popular when I was a kid and calling someone gay, i.e. homosexual, was the ultimate insult. It's started out, what are you gay? then, that's so gay! and eventually it could be used in place of bad. It is most definitely the evolution of a slur and insulting. And the argument that some homosexuals are not offended is ridiculous. If some of my black friends weren't offended by my use of the term niggerpile (to refer to a group of people attacking one, replacing the dog in dogpile) or niggerrigging (to refer to using a cheap and barely workable solution rather than fixing properly), would that make it not a racial slur? How about getting 'jewed down' when someone talks you into a lower price or is miserly? How about being gypped (short for gypsied, screwed, thought you were getting something worthwhile but instead got something useless, denied something you deserved)? All of these terms were popular vernacular at one time and not contested by those they were slurs against and many of them are still fairly popular today. This doesn't make them acceptable. Sometimes an oppressed group is just happy you're not beating them into submission (blacks 50 years ago, gypsies pretty much all the time, jews 50 years ago, gays now). The fact that any are offended is only further evidence that the term shouldn't be used, common sense should have given you your first clue as to the need to choose another term.

Whoah, let me have a word or two in.

1st: I took a look on this thread for the strange title -what was it originally?
(Oh, I'm not curious, just want to know everything :) )

2nd: I'm one of these womens earlier referred to as "natural flirts"; had two or three break ups because of it before anyone cared to tell me why. My boyfriends strangely never did, they just went like "I'm soo hurt and you treat me sooo badly", but never told me WHAT hurt them, just going on about me treating them disrespectfully. Then a friend of mine told me, that where I go, I seem to flirt, and I was stunned by this revelation -because I never noticed.

Do you, Preisandros, know if your gf knows what she is doing? Maybe she ist thinking everything is being normal and doesn't realize her behaviour is flirting?

PS: But if she does know, and won't admit to you, or even laughs to your face about you about it: Kick the wh... -well, know what I mean. ;)


Arrrrr, using ignorance to deflect responsibility............ the worst defence there is.

1st: I took a look on this thread for the strange title -what was it originally?
(Oh, I'm not curious, just want to know everything :) )
The title was "Wow, lifes gay"

And I know your condition ;)

Arrrrr, using ignorance to deflect responsibility............ the worst defence there is.

Is it? So I guess you have never been to any such situation, have you?
When, as a girl, you are constantly told that you're unattractive, even ugly, up to the age of, say, 15, you believe it, and it gets into the core of your bones.
If you later on develop some kind of self-conciousness, that part of your self-sight never really gets lost. I myself did never think of myself as attractive -up to that day I mentioned before, when my friend told me I was flirting. I could not really believe it, and even today -six years after that-, I still find it amazing.

Some girls, or women, do really not know.
How can they, if they're never told?

OH MY GOD is a male Vicky Pollard

The title was "Wow, lifes gay"

And I know your condition ;)


Thanks. :)

That title is innocent enough; did you, by the way, know that there is a bush sort called "Emerald'n Gaiety"? I don't think that has got anything to do with homosexuality...

And who is Vicky Pollard??

Thanks. :)

That title is innocent enough; did you, by the way, know that there is a bush sort called "Emerald'n Gaiety"? I don't think that has got anything to do with homosexuality...
LOL. No I didn't :fluffle:

Some girls, or women, do really not know.
How can they, if they're never told?

Wow! I never thought any women would claim that women don't have the capability to work something out for themselves.

But here is a hint on how to do it. Observe the behaviour of other people, come up with your own subjective experience of their behaviour, and then relate that to your own behaviour at a later date when you find a moment to reflect on how you have been acting on a previous occasion in a similar situation.

It's called taking your actions into account and relating them to the rest of society's actions to judge your own behaviour.

The opposite is the kind of self-involved thought that causes these situations in the first place and if someone is the kind of person that needs guiding like that then they aren't worth having a relationship with anyway....... Ex mea sententia.

I just don't like girls that are ditsy I guess.

It's called taking your actions into account and relating them to the rest of society's actions to judge your own behaviour.If everyone followed this, we would all get along and have no cultural conflicts whatsoever...

If everyone followed this, we would all get along and have no cultural conflicts whatsoever...


It would be sweet wouldn't it?

It would be sweet wouldn't it?
looks a bit like Kant's....uhm...... Categoric Imperative?

Thanks. :)

That title is innocent enough; did you, by the way, know that there is a bush sort called "Emerald'n Gaiety"? I don't think that has got anything to do with homosexuality...

And who is Vicky Pollard??

'Gaiety' refers to the use of the word properly to mean 'happy'. Word origin is important and the origin of use of the word gay for homosexual is a slur that gays captured and turned into a positive. Since that occurred the word was further used to mean anything bad and basically turned back into a slur. The fact that people now don't always recognize the origin does not mean no one does. It's an offensive slur and it's use is nothing short of intolerant.

Personally, I've found most of the suggestions here very immature. And while Peisandros says that he knows what flirting is, I'm not so very sure, when what she's guilty of is laughing at a guy's joke and paying attention to him for 20 minutes. While they were conversing. Good Gods, man, twenty minutes, you are clearly going to die!

Yes, you should talk to her about what is bothering you, no question about it. However, you need to think reasonably. She's your girlfriend, not your personal slave there to attend to your every need and whim. She will actually talk to guys when she thinks a friendship is worthwhile. Yes, even guys who are her ex, once she feels comfortable with them again. Besides, what would happen if she was there 24/7? You'd have nothing to talk about, nothing new to do, etc. You'd begin to hate each other. Let the girl be a separate person, just expect that she'll conduct herself properly. And yes, some people will touch other people in conversation. There are people who are touchy-feely like that, and it means absolutely nothing beyond that he/she cares about that person as a person (not as a bf/gf). So, if she really and truly steps out of line, there's an issue on her part. If this is the extent of what she's guilty of, loosen up, it's your issue.

Thanks, Jocabia, for ne nice explanation; but I think we had tha a page or two before already, didn't we? :D

To Anarchy and Herblore:

Although I don't exactly know what "ditsy" means, I can think of what you might mean by it. And before you get me completely wrong: I never wanted to defend any woman or girl that uses her flirting qualities on purpose to use and/or hurt men; in my eyes that's the meanest a woman can do, play with feelings (men, too, for that part).

But believe me: Some women are naive enough not to recognize the extent of their charisma until being told so.

I do understand that self-reflection is necessary, every day and with all the actions we are taking, but I am not 15 anymore; younger people might still be in need of this revelation, don't you think?

And yes, it's just like with Kant.
(Dieser schreckliche Mensch mit seinen endlos-Sätzen....)

looks a bit like Kant's....uhm...... Categoric Imperative?

Errr, I guess I can see the similarity, but I think the first fundamental principle was "Let the law be the sole ground or motive of thy will."

I wouldn't quite go so far that I'd be diluting the will of a man, as that is where laws come from anyway. But then it from that consideration (how it effects the will of man) that I may follow a particular law.

There's an inherent flaw with basing your actions upon what society does, you know. Take it too far, and everyone is exactly the same, which has very bad side effects. If everyone is an accountant whose garden consists of petunias, how is anyone going to eat?
I'm sure you didn't mean to that extent, of course, but the point is that people need to base their actions on themselves as well.

As for the women who flirt and don't realize it, sometimes its that they don't realize that their actions are any different, even after comparing themselves with others, because they never noticed some of the small things or whatever like that. That's why they often need someone to point it out. Then they notice themselves doing whatever it is and they go "Oh, I didn't realize that I do that." Somethings are just too hard to find with self-reflection.

Errr, I guess I can see the similarity, but I think the first fundamental principle was "Let the law be the sole ground or motive of thy will."
But not the static Law which we have to abide. (that's what I was taught about it anyway)

how did my teacher say it? "Don't do onto others which you would not like to be passed as a law"

Errr, I guess I can see the similarity, but I think the first fundamental principle was "Let the law be the sole ground or motive of thy will."

I wouldn't quite go so far that I'd be diluting the will of a man, as that is where laws come from anyway. But then it from that consideration (how it effects the will of man) that I may follow a particular law.

Had that ***** Kant in school long enough. In the original, it goes:

"Handle stets so, daß die Maxime deines Handelns jederzeit allgemeingültiges Gesetz werden kann."

Trying to translate correctly, please wait...

"Always act in a way that the maxim of your action could become general law any time."

In other words: Don't do anything you don't want to be done to you. :)

Thanks, Jocabia, for ne nice explanation; but I think we had tha a page or two before already, didn't we? :D

To Anarchy and Herblore:

Although I don't exactly know what "ditsy" means, I can think of what you might mean by it. And before you get me completely wrong: I never wanted to defend any woman or girl that uses her flirting qualities on purpose to use and/or hurt men; in my eyes that's the meanest a woman can do, play with feelings (men, too, for that part).

But believe me: Some women are naive enough not to recognize the extent of their charisma until being told so.

I do understand that self-reflection is necessary, every day and with all the actions we are taking, but I am not 15 anymore; younger people might still be in need of this revelation, don't you think?

And yes, it's just like with Kant.
(Dieser schreckliche Mensch mit seinen endlos-Sätzen....)


'Ditsy' just means someone is a little absent minded or superficial.

As for the bit of text I've highlighted - I don't like using any kind of distinction (even age) to determine who and who doesn't need to do something.
It can really depend on your own personal experiences. For instance you said that you were self-conscious about your appearence when you were younger. I would venture a guess that this hightened level of self-consciousness in that area has detracted from you being self aware in other areas, ie. your social relations with various people.

It's all subjective to how you've experience things and using age or any other characteristic can't really decifer whether someone is considerate or not.

Personally, I've found most of the suggestions here very immature. And while Peisandros says that he knows what flirting is, I'm not so very sure, when what she's guilty of is laughing at a guy's joke and paying attention to him for 20 minutes. While they were conversing. Good Gods, man, twenty minutes, you are clearly going to die!

Yes, you should talk to her about what is bothering you, no question about it. However, you need to think reasonably. She's your girlfriend, not your personal slave there to attend to your every need and whim. She will actually talk to guys when she thinks a friendship is worthwhile. Yes, even guys who are her ex, once she feels comfortable with them again. Besides, what would happen if she was there 24/7? You'd have nothing to talk about, nothing new to do, etc. You'd begin to hate each other. Let the girl be a separate person, just expect that she'll conduct herself properly. And yes, some people will touch other people in conversation. There are people who are touchy-feely like that, and it means absolutely nothing beyond that he/she cares about that person as a person (not as a bf/gf). So, if she really and truly steps out of line, there's an issue on her part. If this is the extent of what she's guilty of, loosen up, it's your issue.

i gotta agree with P&P here, YOU have a problem. you have a nice funny outgoing flirty girlfriend who you want to keep on a leash

if you cant accept her and trust her as she is, let her go so she can find someone who appreciates her for these qualities and is proud to have a girl who is attractive to other men but always goes home with him.

........ is proud to have a girl who is attractive to other men but always goes home with him.

The question is who she goes home with if he's not there.

If he's absent from her thoughts when he is in her company, what about when he's not by her side? Isn't he also absent from the thoughts of the lads chatting her up aswell so they are going to be flirting even more really.

In the end if she doesn't atleast care that it bothers you then she doesn't deserve the chance your giving her.

The question is who she goes home with if he's not there.

If he's absent from her thoughts when he is in her company, what about when he's by her side? Isn't he also absent from the thoughts of the lads chatting her up aswell so they are going to be flirting even more really.

In the end if she doesn't atleast care that it bothers you then she doesn't deserve the chance your giving her.

I'd care. I'd care right out the door. Jealousy is a destructive emotion. Harmless flirting does not affect confident individuals. I find flirting to be a pleasant interaction in a world when pleasant interaction is to scarce. What is regarded as flirting by some is just being interactive to others. The actions described here would be considered to be normal conversation tactics in many places in the world. I don't know where the poster is from but why is it so necessary to get caught up in touch like it can only be sexual or lead to sexual acts or smiling or interacting. I certainly hope touching people on the arm doesn't make them think that I want to have sex with them. Otherwise, I'm breaking a lot of hearts. The answer is simple have the confidence to know that if a person cares about and respects you there is no reason to fear flirting and if they don't there is no reason to date them. No amount of jealousy can actually prevent cheating so it serves no purpose that isn't destructive.

The question is who she goes home with if he's not there.

If he's absent from her thoughts when he is in her company, what about when he's by her side? Isn't he also absent from the thoughts of the lads chatting her up aswell so they are going to be flirting even more really.

In the end if she doesn't atleast care that it bothers you then she doesn't deserve the chance your giving her.
i dont think that was his question.

if he has reason to question her exclusivity, then he should also drop her.

she isnt his pet on a leash. she has an existance independant of him. there is nothing wrong with her acting flirty with other men now and then. that is the kind of girl she IS and either he likes her for what she is or he doesnt. she shouldnt change herself just to keep a boyfriend.

now if she never gave him attention, then its a sign that she really doesnt care all that much for him and he should move on.

You're obviously not her boyfriend. Find someone else.

Yeah, I hear your wife is available..lol ;) :D

Harmless flirting does not affect confident individuals

And a truly confident person doesn't have to flirt at every opportunity.

I find flirting to be a pleasant interaction in a world when pleasant interaction is to scarce. What is regarded as flirting by some is just being interactive to others.

No, it's one way to interact with other people. However if sexually suggestive acts are the only way you can relate and converse with a person then you have emtional issues.

There are a lot of other ways to get attention and make people like you.

The actions described here would be considered to be normal conversation tactics in many places in the world. I don't know where the poster is from but why is it so necessary to get caught up in touch like it can only be sexual or lead to sexual acts or smiling or interacting.

I think it has more to do with the persons involved (ie. ex bf that tried to split them up. Probably shouldn't be given such a warm reception by anyone).

Now this is really about balance from both parties.

Guys don't be too jealous because you will just push your girlfriends away.
However, it does seem in this situation that the girlfriend in question is acting ignorant to the feelings of her boyfriend and not taking into account the possible consequences to her actions.
I'm sure that if Peisandros' gf had given him a reasonable amount of flirty gestures as the other males in her company then he wouldn't of felt insecure at all.

id guess (since we dont really know much about the people involved) that she has acted this way the whole time he has known her. now that she is HIS he expects her to change her ways and act differently.

i find this unreasonable. she is who she is and it is unfair to expect her to change (and he probably wouldnt like the boring girl she would become under his thumb)

either he wants a girl like her or he doesnt.

if he doesnt, he should let her go so she can find someone who likes her just the way she is.

of course this could be utterly new behavior, in which case he should take the hint and drop her.

And a truly confident person doesn't have to flirt at every opportunity.

I hug all of my friends, male or female, and kiss the female ones. I also do this with their parents. I must not be very confident.

No, it's one way to interact with other people. However if sexually suggestive acts are the only way you can relate and converse with a person then you have emtional issues.

Sexually suggestive? What's she doing? Grinding on these boys? The poster said she touched him on the arm and was nice to him. If anyone believes these are sexually suggestive acts then they are the ones who have emotional issues. What's wrong with touching people so long as you're not offended and the person you're touching isn't? Particularly when your intent has nothing to do with sex. Generally if I touch someone in public there wasn't a thought of sex in my mind and I was merely interacting with them. In many countries this is considered to be a normal part of conversation. In fact the only country I've ever been to where they were at all concerned about touch was the US. Forgive me if I'm not going to forego a basic part of human interaction because my country happens to be puritanical.

There are a lot of other ways to get attention and make people like you.

Where did anyone suggest this was about attention or making people like you. I suggested it's an accepted part of communication, like facial expressions, posture and tone of voice.

I think it has more to do with the persons involved (ie. ex bf that tried to split them up. Probably shouldn't be given such a warm reception by anyone).

Depends... based on the other posts by the poster I come to the conclusion that this other man though an ex has done nothing more than inspire a few jealousy-filled fights. If you are threatened by someone your girlfriend has already rejected as a potential mate or even someone to date anymore then I suspect you have greater issues than 'my girlfriend is flirtatious' (universal you here).

Now this is really about balance from both parties.

Guys don't be too jealous because you will just push your girlfriends away.
However, it does seem in this situation that the girlfriend in question is acting ignorant to the feelings of her boyfriend and not taking into account the possible consequences to her actions.
I'm sure that if Peisandros' gf had given him a reasonable amount of flirty gestures as the other males in her company then he wouldn't of felt insecure at all.

According to the original poster she was flirting with every guy including one interested in her friend. One could come to the conclusion that she just don't care much about the feelings of others, but given the other content of his posts, I suspect he's just a jealous person who doesn't approve of her paying attention to other men also evidenced by her replies.

Ahem. Well time for an update. She realises she did something wrong and has said so. But doesn't think it was that big a deal. We're sort of on the verge of breaking up, not quite sure though. She's pretty much saying she didn't know what she was doing and all that, which is always hard to believe, but possibly its true.
Not sure, its all quite strange at the moment.

mindgames, mindgames, mindfucks... whats wrong with just communicating normally? or are people in relationships actually incapable of doing this :confused:

Why do people INSIST on manipulating what I have said?

In case you hadn't notice I had already suggested that he sit down with her and try to talk things through, which can be seen quite cleary here:

I know how you feel.

Alot of people can be over-friendly and their actions be mistaken for flirting (I have a lot of friends like that).

However, if she is actually flirting with these people, then I would have to conclude that she has no respect for you. You need to either sit her down and talk this through with her or end it.

You could always try repeating what she does with a female friend of yours and see how she reacts (obviously you would have to ask your friend if she will participate otherwise you stand to lose a good friendship).

I did this for one of my friends (who was female) and it helped them.

The only reason I suggested the third option was because I had a friend who was in a smiliar situation and she asked me to help make her partner see what he was doing. I agreed and it worked for them because he started complaining, she explained to him that we were just showing him what she has been putting up with and it worked out all right.

So please, refrain from just conveniantly ignoring what people have said. Thank you.

Well.. We just had a big fight about it. But it was good. Lots of shouting from both of us. And we made up. Main thing was she accepted she was in the wrong and I didn't see the point in making more of a deal out of it. So yea.

Make up sex ahoy!

Make up sex ahoy!
Well that's what I'm hoping for tomorrow. Thank God it's the school holidays. Mwahaha