NationStates Jolt Archive

I was roasting a marshmellow the other day and some arab-looking guy came up to me and was like "DUDE! Your defiling the spirit of fire!" and tackled me and kicked me and stuff!
All Zoroastrians are EVIL!

(insert Freddy Mercury joke here)

I was roasting a marshmellow the other day and some arab-looking guy came up to me and was like "DUDE! Your defiling the spirit of fire!" and tackled me and kicked me and stuff!
All Zoroastrians are EVIL!

You don't drive a Mazda do you? Because those Zoroastrians might not take kindly to the commercialisation of their god. Anyway, they're not a REAL Zoroastrian if they behaved that way.

Excuse my ignorance but what the hell is a Zoroastrian?

Excuse my ignorance but what the hell is a Zoroastrian?
Only TRUE Zoroastrians know that.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoroastrian

To Summarize and Horribly Mangle:
Islam - Allah + Fire + Wierdness

Zoroastrians were the first to believe in God incarnate through virgin birth - several thousand years before Jesus.

I was molested by Druids.

I was molested by Druids.
Oh yeah? I was kicked in the crotch by Jains. Beat that.

(Yes, I know that Jains are pacifists. That's what makes the joke.)

Oh yeah? I was kicked in the crotch by Jains. Beat that.

(Yes, I know that Jains are pacifists. That's what makes the joke.)

you must have deserved it...;)

A Jedi stole my car.

a blind man stole my sunglasses...

(this thread will prolly be closed soon)

Roflmao

A Christian stole my mom's purse and a Jehovah witness raped my dad!!!

heh heh beat that

a hindu stole my grandma

An atheist absolutely refused to concede that I exist. Made me feel quite good actually.

A Discordian loofah-ed my left knuckle.

This is going to end up in Spam, isn't it.

An Intelligent Designer clucked his tongue at me.

Aside from the Discordian, all of those people are not true @@insert their religion@@.

A Sikh devoured my soul.

i was stabbed by a hamster...damn fighting machines...

A Satanist said he’d pray for me. :eek:

I win.

A Satanist said he’d pray for me. :eek:

I win.

nuh uh! mine was cooler hence I win w0000000t!!! :p

A Buddhist beat me up

A nun spat in my eye...

A Jew ate my pork roast :D

I shall say prayers on your behalf to atone.

Ashem vohu vahishtem aste
ushta aste ushta ahmai
hyat ashai vahishtai ashem!

yata ahu vai ryo
ata ratush achatchit hachai
vang heusn daza managho
shyaothanaam ang heush mazdai
Xshathremcha ahurai a
yim drigubyo dadat vastarem!

I got raped by a Puritan.

An Evangelist gave me money.

A Fundamentalist agreed with me.

I actually know nothing about Shintoism, so forget I even mentioned it.

I got raped by a Puritan.

An Evangelist gave me money.

A Fundamentalist agreed with me.

I actually know nothing about Shintoism, so forget I even mentioned it.
A Shintoist threatened to disembowl you honourably?

Jesus saved! And the resttook full damage :mad:

A Shintoist threatened to disembowl you honourably?
Yeah, that sounds like it.

Some Hindus saw me eating McDonald's and stoned me for supporting the murderers of "Mother Cow". Then, because I was the cause of great disharmony and anger, a Bodhisattva demonstrated Buddha's Palm on me. Talk about overkill.

Zoroastrians were the first to believe in God incarnate through virgin birth - several thousand years before Jesus.
That, and they were the first to introduce Cosmic Dualisim into religion. (Heaven/Hell, Good/Evil, etc.)

The Pharasees (Parsi) adapted Zoroastrian Cosmic Dualisim into Judiasim, causing the schisim between themselves and the Sadusees. (well, that and the onery fact that during the Roman occupation the Saddusees were slowly losing power and had allied with the Romans in a vain attempt to hold it.) Yeshua ben Joseph (Jesus) was trained in the Pharasitical tradition - probably by the Essenes - as was his cousin "John".

Pharasitical tradition was what eventually won over and controlled the period fo time during which the Talmud was written. Recently, however, there has beena bit of an upswing in Sadducitical thought which concerns itself less with "heavenly" attainment (or atonement) and more with earthly righteousness.

------------------------

and now:

A Scientologist caught me on Xenu.net at a web cafe, labled me as an SP, hacked my bank account, left me broke, and filed spurious criminal charges against me.

Oh, wait, that's not funny. They really do that sort of thing. :headbang: Never mind. :rolleyes:

Jesus is coming, but he pulled out.
Sure Jesus loves you, but does he swallow?
Jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable prizes at the ticket counter.

A republican gave me a wire hanger.

I win :D

:D A Jew ate my pork roast :D

Jesus is coming, but he pulled out.
Sure Jesus loves you, but does he swallow?
Jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable prizes at the ticket counter.

A republican gave me a wire hanger.

I win :DSo wrong, yet soooooooooo funny

A dowist mormon took my left shoe and beat up my catholic dog with it.

Jesus is coming, but he pulled out.
Sure Jesus loves you, but does he swallow?
Jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable prizes at the ticket counter.

A republican gave me a wire hanger.

I win :D
Jesus saves, everyone else takes full damage.

Jesus saves...Passes to Moses...The crowd is delirious....Shoots, andddd....SCORES!!!!111
Jesus built my hotrod.
A mob of angry orthodox jews hit me with a crowbar then covered me in black duct tape for dressing in shorts.