NationStates Jolt Archive

When I was in high school my teacher gave me an assignment to write my obituary. I had forgotten all about it until today when I was cleaning out my garage and found it. It is hilarious how much my life has changed. I was thinking I should rewrite it to reflect how I am now.

so I am working on it, while I am, why don't you all post your obits?

that's about as sick as my motivation/effectiveness coach who asked me a couple weeks ago to imagine my funeral. :eek:
well the plan for him was that i was to tell him who was tehre, and how people reacted to my death, and what they'd say what i achieved in my life win their speeches..i politely told him he was nuts and ought to go f*** himself. he never really touched the subject again. couldn't hejust have asked what i wanted to be able to look back on, achievement-wise, at the end of my life?!

that's about as sick as my motivation/effectiveness coach who asked me a couple weeks ago to imagine my funeral. :eek:
well the plan for him was that i was to tell him who was tehre, and how people reacted to my death, and what they'd say what i achieved in my life win their speeches..i politely told him he was nuts and ought to go f*** himself. he never really touched the subject again. couldn't hejust have asked what i wanted to be able to look back on, achievement-wise, at the end of my life?!
yeah this is kinda like the achievement thing. you know

so and so died last week at the age of blah blah
so and so was known for donating time and money to *generic charity* and his work to bring sweeping social change when lobbying to pass *whatever* law.

stuff like that. Kinda if you achieved all your goals in life what would they be?

I thought mine was hilarious, I wrote it when I was 15 and turns out I have grown up to be the kind of person I hated when I was 15 :eek:

When I was in high school my teacher gave me an assignment to write my obituary. I had forgotten all about it until today when I was cleaning out my garage and found it. It is hilarious how much my life has changed. I was thinking I should rewrite it to reflect how I am now.

so I am working on it, while I am, why don't you all post your obits?

What does the original say?

Mine would probably be a full article.

Rejoicing in Streets Marks Death of Sociopath

<name deleted>, the infamous anarchist, misanthrope, recluse, and egomaniac, was found dead today of heart failure. Apparently he had a heart attack when a member of the opposite sex said "Hi" to him. Notorious throughout the Internet as "Czardas" for his sarcasm and egotistical postings, especially on nationstates.net and various invisionfree.com forums, Mr. <deleted> left behind no relatives, friends, or acquaintances. On hearing of his death people celebrated in the streets and threw parties, resulting in six arrests for disorderly conduct, rioting, and resisting an officer. For a funeral he was first shot several times to make sure that he was really dead, and then his body was cut into small pieces and thrown into the desert as vulture food. His possessions (limited to some clothes, a laptop computer, and a wireless router) were auctioned off for bonfires and scrap metal. In addition, all evidence of Mr. <deleted>'s existence was carefully destroyed, which is why this obituary no longer exists in the microfilmed version of this newspaper (and why his name was replaced with <deleted> wherever it occurs).

not going to type the whole thing
I ran for president and won and then got the constitution changed so that I could stay in office forever and got rid of all checks and balances.
basically I legalized all drugs, even made all prescription drugs over the counter, only people with high IQ's would get educated, everyone else got shipped to another country. I never married, never had kids, and got rid of the army.
it goes on and just gets worse and worse.
I really wish I could remember what I was "on" and what was going on to make me so crazy.

I don't know, it is hilarious to me.

No name dents the front of bus
A young college student assualted a local bus today at the crosswalk of 6th and Moore St. The bus was simply corssing a red light when ambushed by this predatorial male. The driver later commented: "He just came out of nowhere and looked like he was going to hit me, so I instinctively sped up in defense". The student's identity will remain anonymous, and the bus driver intends to press charges against the parents.

Well, who didn't see that coming?
After years of classic warning signs and veiled threats, Ms. J[serfjiouwe] W[slkjfee] has indeed "ripped her f---ing face off", friends report. Ms. W[slkjfee] was socializing three nights hence at a local coffee house of which she was a regular, when friends say the sudden change came "out of nowhere".
J[serfjiouwe] is survived by her sister, her husband, and the dog Betsy. She leaves behind two moderately prosperous businesses and her absence will be duly noted in the homeless community of [insert name] City, where she was an avid volunteer.
Cause of death has yet been undetermined, as autopsy reports are splayed with notes of "f---ing weird", "defies logic", and "doesn't seem physically possible". Funeral services for the public will be held Wednesday at St. Patrick's Catholic Church, followed by a private ceremony for the close friends and family members.

Mine would probably be a full article.

Rejoicing in Streets Marks Death of Sociopath

<name deleted>, the infamous anarchist, misanthrope, recluse, and egomaniac, was found dead today of heart failure. Apparently he had a heart attack when a member of the opposite sex said "Hi" to him. Notorious throughout the Internet as "Czardas" for his sarcasm and egotistical postings, especially on nationstates.net and various invisionfree.com forums, Mr. <deleted> left behind no relatives, friends, or acquaintances. On hearing of his death people celebrated in the streets and threw parties, resulting in six arrests for disorderly conduct, rioting, and resisting an officer. For a funeral he was first shot several times to make sure that he was really dead, and then his body was cut into small pieces and thrown into the desert as vulture food. His possessions (limited to some clothes, a laptop computer, and a wireless router) were auctioned off for bonfires and scrap metal. In addition, all evidence of Mr. <deleted>'s existence was carefully destroyed, which is why this obituary no longer exists in the microfilmed version of this newspaper (and why his name was replaced with <deleted> wherever it occurs).

I like your style.

I can't think for the life of me what would I would want to have written on mine.

Mine would probably be a full article.

Rejoicing in Streets Marks Death of Sociopath

<name deleted>, the infamous anarchist, misanthrope, recluse, and egomaniac, was found dead today of heart failure. Apparently he had a heart attack when a member of the opposite sex said "Hi" to him. Notorious throughout the Internet as "Czardas" for his sarcasm and egotistical postings, especially on nationstates.net and various invisionfree.com forums, Mr. <deleted> left behind no relatives, friends, or acquaintances. On hearing of his death people celebrated in the streets and threw parties, resulting in six arrests for disorderly conduct, rioting, and resisting an officer. For a funeral he was first shot several times to make sure that he was really dead, and then his body was cut into small pieces and thrown into the desert as vulture food. His possessions (limited to some clothes, a laptop computer, and a wireless router) were auctioned off for bonfires and scrap metal. In addition, all evidence of Mr. <deleted>'s existence was carefully destroyed, which is why this obituary no longer exists in the microfilmed version of this newspaper (and why his name was replaced with <deleted> wherever it occurs).

LOL

That's one of the funniest posts I've ever read. And the next two obituaries aren't bad, either. ;)

I'm not sure I would even rate an obituary.

Mine:

He woke up, he stood, he ate, he laughed till die

Seriously :D , it would begin:

[B]Here lies, O Saviour of Mankind, the Great Deliberately Indomitable Spirit required to fulfil the corvée ordered by Divine Intention...[B]