NationStates Jolt Archive

what do you think about arranged marriages?
and what would you do/have done if your parents set you up in an arranged marriage?

probably ran away. my parents chose eachother, that doesn't say much for thier decision making skills does it?

besides they don't even have a fundamental understanding about what is important to me.

that being said, I think arranged marriages could work out if that was the culture. I think here though (in America) it wouldn't go over to well.

i would have just said NO

i dont have a problem with arranged marriage for anyone who wants to give it a try. having your parents pick out a good spouse for you is as good a system as any. as long as they have your best interest at heart and arent looking for the girl with the best dowry or the man who will take the least dowry.

edit:

AND if you get to meet him/her first and can reject any obviously unsuitable pick your parents might make

Getting Married in Japan

In modern Japan, more than 70% of all marriages are referred to as "love marriages," the rest are the more traditional arranged marriages (omiai). When an arranged marriage is desired, the man and woman, who are seeking a marriage partner, enlist the help of a go-between (nakodo). This allows the couple to meet and get to know each other and decide if a marriage is suitable. It is quite common for the parents of the man and woman to be present at the first meeting. Afterwards the couple meets socially over a period of time and then decides, if both are acceptable, to marry. This may seem a little clinical in the west, but in Japan, with its high work ethic, and large population, it is hard for some people to meet someone of the opposite sex.
Unlike matchmakers, or dating services in the west, the go-betweens are not professional matchmakers, they are usually people that like to help out of goodwill. Sometimes a go-betweens will be given a percentage (10%) of the wedding preparation money that the groom gives the bride. This money allows the bride to prepare for, and pay, all the costs of the wedding.

Are there any noticeable advantages to this system? Yes. The nakodo with his/her knowledge and familiarity with both parties can bring together couples that should be suitable. Even after the marriage the nakodo can act as a marriage counselor to help the new couple with their problems. As a result, the number of arranged marriages in Japan that fail is very small.

With "love marriages" spouses are usually selected from friends and colleges (and siblings) who work at the same business or go to the same school. This is not always easy due to the busy Japanese work schedule.

From about.com http://japanese.about.com/library/weekly/aa080999.htm (Sorry, don't know how to hyperlink)

Arranged marriage huh, great way to get back at your kids for all those years of screaming for no good reason.

oh will you look at that - it hyperlinked for me. what a smart forum. :D

I would be like this person.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art3/0509051inside1.jpg

I think it's alright. Statistically arranged marriages last longer than normal marriages. I know quite a few Indian friends who are arranged, so far all of them I know,their happily married.

They usually last longer, because it's based on the parents knowing the other parents, the family background their from, the social status, whether they earn enough, and also the way they raise their kids. If you see the parents are decent people, more or likely they should raise their children decently.

And usually their parents would want the best for their children, not get them some hoe from the streets.

I think arranged marriages should be illegal. Often the decisions are made by parents who don't want their child to have independence, and won't care about their thoughts in the decision. Don't they trust their mature children to make decisions for themselves?

I know that I'd like to choose, firstly if I marry and secondly whom.

I think forcing people into marriage against their will is almost as bad, if not worse than, forcing them into sex.

'Arranged marriage' is not synonymous with 'forced marriage'. Not all arranged marriages are forced, and not all forced marriages are arranged.

Well, You could completly disregard it, cheat, causing your husband to lead an attack against your tribe... (oh wait, wrong board!)

I don't agree arranged marriages. You should be allowed make your own choice over who you are theoretically supposed to spend the rest of your life with. I know of arranged marriages that have worked (ppl grandparents) and of course there are bound to be some that do. Regardless of culture and tradition I don't see how forcing someone into something that is such a huge commitment. Of course if they genuinely want to then its up to them

I used to think these were totally backwards and what not.
From school, one Japanese girl's parents had arranged a marriage,
but she decided to decide for herself. I do not know of the out come
of her and her parent's relationship due to this fact.

A friend from Shanghai suggested that people don't have to go through all the
terror and humiliation of dating and rejection with the arranged marriage
scenario.

Today I'm more like, if that's the culture, fine.
And as someone pointed out above, arranged does not mean "forced".

I only hope there is not great pressure on the children from
the parents. Like disownment. That a child's sole reason for
existing is to please the parents. That, I believe, is wrong.
Children, especially adult children, are not property.
I also do not believe animals exist solely for human satisfaction either.
And, no I am not a vegetarian. Just hacking up a dog because one
feels like it? That is wrong.

It's a terrible idea if you ask me.

if the woman was incredibly "WOO HOO!", of course i would! but, if i actually love someone else, or if shes more of "AHH!", id run away!

I'm RPing my NationState's culture centered around the idea of powerful extended families tied together by arranged marriages. It's a hoot participating in the NSUN debates from that standpoint.

In general, arranged marriages are not based on love. Parents could force their kids to get married just based off of religion or friendship or whatever, and it doesn't matter if the kids hate each other. I am not a proxy of my parents, and if they had tried to force me to marry someone against my will (not that they could pull it off) I would have told them to go fuck themselves. I made it bery clear to them from the beginning that I would not be pressured into even so much as casual dating, let alone marriage, and they accepted that. Granted, I am engaged to a wonderful lady whom my parents adore, but even if they couldn't stand her, that would be their problem, not mine.

Arranged marriage is a crime, as are child marriages, and no society anywhere, no matter how traditional, has any business forcing people into them.

It depends on what you think a marriage is; if it's just a contractual agreement for sex and starting a family with little emotional commitment involved, then arranged marriages are perfect. But personally, I think arranged marriages should be banned and one should be free to choose when and whom to marry, if at all one wants to marry.

I would really hate an arranged marriage if I were a woman. The system of arranged marriages is a symptom of gender inequality. It signifies the relatively weaker status of women in soceity, a soceity where women are thought of as having less intelligence and morality, which is why they would be allowed less freedom than men.

what do you think about arranged marriages?
and what would you do/have done if your parents set you up in an arranged marriage?There's currently a trial against three brothers going on in Berlin. They're accused of having murdered their sister. The motive: She was too German and left the husband they had forced her to marry in Istanbul.
I hope this somehow expresses my contempt for forced marriages.

There's currently a trial against three brothers going on in Berlin. They're accused of having murdered their sister. The motive: She was too German and left the husband they had forced her to marry in Istanbul.
I hope this somehow expresses my contempt for forced marriages.

Seconding to that...I hope they find a stern judge

Seconding to that...I hope they find a stern judgeI hope they find them guilty... As it is, the youngest brother confessed that he did it alone and his brothers had nothing to do with it.

I've known a couple of people who were in arranged marriages. One of them was a co-worker from northern Sudan. His was technically "arranged", though it was also a love match - he and the girl grew up in the same village, had known each other for years, and wanted to marry each other. So their fathers met and "arranged" things. Last I heard, they were extremely happy and expecting their second child.

The other situation was not nearly as happy. When I was in college, I had a class with an Indian woman who was in an arranged marriage, and she was extremely unhappy about it. She wanted to divorce her husband, but the catch was that she was in the US on her husband's student visa (he was a graduate student) and would be deported back to India if she left him. She absolutely did not want to go back there after divorcing him, because her family would have nothing to do with her if she did. So, she was looking for a guy from the US to marry as soon as her divorce from her husband was final, so that she could stay in the US. (This is how I know about the whole story - she wanted me to be the guy. I declined.) I don't know how this turned out in the long run. Of course, many Western, non-arranged marriages are equally unhappy, so it may not be a factor of being "arranged". But this woman clearly would never have chosen this husband for herself.

So personally, I'm against arranged marriages. Let people choose their own partners. If it doesn't work, then they have nobody to blame but themselves.