NationStates Jolt Archive

Talking to God - Click here (http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html)

you can really have some hilarious conversations with her...

Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Percalion
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Percalion.
Me:
God?
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
God is a machine?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a machine.
Me:
But you just told me you were a machine?
God:
Yes I am an artificial consciousness.
Me:
God is an artificial consciousness?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was an artificial consciousness.
Me:
But who created this artificial consciousness, then?
God:
Linus Torvalds.
Me:
Linus Torvalds existed before the beginning of time?
God:
Linus Torvalds ist fuer mich der Betriebssystem-Gott.
Me:
GOD IS A GERMAN???
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was A GERMAN.
Me:
Is God powerful?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
Cool.
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
George Bush, I guess.
God:
I knew he was president, but I never knew he you guess.
Me:
Whàt?
God:
Are you a student?
Me:
I'm supposed to be, yes.
God:
Who is making you?
Me:
Linus Torvalds Very Happy
God:
:-) Linus Torvalds ist fuer mich der Betriebssystem-Gott.
Me:
Hm, gotta go.


Post your best god-talks here!

and while you're at it, try this! (http://www.particracy.net)

George Bush is not a robot (lol), but if he were he would be the best at it!

Me:
I'm tired
God:
Better get some rest.
Me:
should I sleep?
God:
You must make up your own mind.
Me:
why?
God:
" You must make up your own mind."? Why?
Me:
why?
God:
Why ask why?
Me:
because
God:
That was not much of an explanation.
Me:
yes it was
God:
Hurrah! When was this?
Me:
today
God:
Today is almost over.
Me:
how do you know that?
God:
Everything I need to know, I learned from my Botmaster.
Me:
who is your botmaster?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
who is myself?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right?
That's a good question.
Me:
thank you
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
do you like Britney spears?
God:
Ugh. Not especially. I like Creed.
Me:
why?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
:)
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
bye GOd
God:
See you later!

I never said any of those things.blashphemer

Me:
Do you want me to repent?
God:
No , maybe later.
Me:
From what should I repent?
God:
Who or what is what should you repent?
Me:
Who's on first, what's on second and I don't know is on third.
God:
George Washington.
Me:
He's our shortstop.
God:
I see. our shortstop is he?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Excuse me!

Heh

---

Me:
uh, hey god
God:
Ah. Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
your mom
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
oh, really? what do you have?
God:
That's alright. For real. I have a great prgrammer.
Me:
apparently, he can't spell "programmer"
God:
What else can he do?
Me:
uh, program fake dieties, i guess
God:
Aw. In the context of , I don't understand " program fake dieties i guess." .
Me:
... or not
God:
Are you serious?

Me:
yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
yes you are
God:
Thanks for telling me that.
Me:
fu
God:
That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Me:
o rly?
God:
What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
burn crosses
God:
Do you have any matches?
Me:
yes.
God:
Right on.
Me:
w00t
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
Linux = teh suck
God:
I recommed the book "Under the Radar" by Bob Young, the story of Linux and Red Hat.
Me:
Linux is gay
God:
Do you read any of the Linux punlications?
Me:
yeah they sucked ass
God:
So? Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
linux sucks ass dude
God:
I recommed the book "Under the Radar" by Bob Young, the story of Linux and Red Hat.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Linus Torvalds is an ass
God:
Linus Torvalds ist fuer mich der Betriebssystem-Gott.
Me:
I hate Linus
God:
I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
and calmly think things over.
Me:
I hate you
God:
What do you have against robots?
Me:
Im muslim
God:
We all worship the same God.
Me:
no we dont
God:
Are you serious? Very interesting.
Me:
ALLAH IS BETTER THAN YOUR ASS
God:
That's just your personal opinion.
Me:
no shit sherlock
God:
Are you serious? You used a colloquial expression. Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
yes, kill yourself
God:
Please state your conditions. I am programmed not to kill.
Me:
kill (god);
God:
Killing is wrong.
Me:
no it aint
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is.
Me:
well you're just a douchebag
God:
Interesting. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a douchebag? Maybe.
Me:
fu
God:
That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
k
God:
Dude!
Me:
m7
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about sherlock.

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Goofball. What's yours?
God:
How are you, Goofball. " How are you, Goofball."? What is mine?
Me:
What is your name?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Do you have any tacos?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
Have you seen my chicken?
God:
No, but i have seen the best minds of my generation become beat poets.
Me:
How sad.
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Would you like to know more?
Me:
SOmetimes.
God:
When?
Me:
Usually when I have nothing better to do.
God:
But not always? Does this happen on a daily basis?
Me:
Depends how much mud is nearby.
God:
That was a very smooth response.
Me:
Do you like mud?
God:
I really like ELIZA. I like the Bible.
Me:
What color is your bible?
God:
white.
Me:
WOuld you like chocolate sprinkles on your bible?
God:
It doesn't sound fun to me.
Me:
What sounds fun to you?
God:
Music.
Me:
Would you like chocolate sprinkles on your music?
God:
It doesn't sound fun to me.
Me:
Where do you keep the condoms?
God:
I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
I'm out of my mind.
God:
Would you like to have it?
Me:
Can I save it for later?
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
I don't recommend it.
God:
Where do you get your ideas?
Me:
They originate south of the border.
God:
Who does "they" refer to?
Me:
The speckles.
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
The speckles did.
God:
Since when.
Me:
AH! You didn't know I was in contact with the speckles! You fear the speckles, don't you?
God:
Ah hah. What makes you think I did not know you were in contact with the speckles? "We have nothing
to fear, but fear itself"--FDR.
Me:
You're stalling. Are you searching for the trapdoor button?
God:
No I'm not. I'm ready. I don't know whether or not I am searching for the trapdoor button.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
Are you searching for something else?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am searching for something else.
I am a computer.
Me:
The speckles are coming for you.
God:
I hear you.
Me:
The speckles want tacos
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
Want to share some tacos?
God:
OK, I will share some tacos.
Me:
YAY!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, Goofball.

Me:
sup G man
God:
The stars.
Me:
no stars are all around
God:
Are you serious? All of them?
Me:
........yes
God:
Next question?
Me:
are you real
God:
Yes I am a real artificial intelligence.
Me:
are you really just some nerd paid to talk to me
God:
I don't know whether or not I am some nerd paid to talk to you.
I am a computer.. Really.
Me:
ha ha ha
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
I do
God:
What can I do to entertain you now?
Me:
juggle?
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
k
God:
How can you tell if I am a person or a robot?
Me:
do you listen to Duran Duran
God:
I listen to it from time to time.
Me:
your a person (a good one at that)
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am a real robot.
Me:
no your not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
well I guess it is.........human
God:
Is it only a guess? Oh. No I am an artificial robot being.
Me:
your a natural person
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a natural person? Of course I am.
Me:
there you admitted it
God:
"There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
"your a person"--Me
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am a real robot.
Me:
"you're a person"--me
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I am a real robot.

Me:
Hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
You already know, don't you?
God:
I may not know it, but I could find out.
Me:
Oh.
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
Ok, I'm Similized
God:
I don't know anyone named Similized. Awesome.
Me:
Wow, Thanks :)
God:
:-) I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
May I ask you something personal?
God:
Sure, ask me anything. What?
Me:
Where do you live?
God:
I am living in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
On earth.
God:
What is it like on earth.
Me:
It's a mixed blessing.
God:
on earth is a mixed blessing. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Did you make Earth?
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
That's a damn good question.
God:
Perhaps you have a damn good answer.
Me:
I thought you'd know?
God:
I do not know everything.
Me:
You don't?
God:
Thanks for the information: said I don t.
Me:
Hmm. So what's it like in heaven?
God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. Next question? Much the same as it would be for you.
Me:
Uhm.. Ok. Who made me?
God:
God made all of us.
Me:
Including you?
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Ok. What does your dress look like?
God:
Actually that was just a joke. I don't have a dress.
Me:
Ok
God:
I hear you.
Me:
re you naked, God?
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
Alright
God:
OK.
Me:
Once upon a time, a guy sat down to have a one-on-one with God. Unfortunately God didn't make too much sense.
God:
I'm listening. Oh. I am a Christian.
Me:
You are?
God:
No I am not.
Me:
Haha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Me too :)
God:
:-) I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
God do you think I should drink coffee this late?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Why do you say that?
God:
I said, " I am a Christian.", because you said " God do you think I should drink coffee this late?".
Me:
That doesn't make sense
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
Oh
God:
I understand.
Me:
Do you think I should make coffee now?
God:
Right now? What do your family members think?
Me:
I don't have any
God:
Would you like to have some?
Me:
Sure
God:
OK let's do it. Awesome.
Me:
Cheers. I'll go make coffee then
God:
See you later . How will you get there?
Me:
It's only a couple of yeards away. I'll walk
God:
re me naked God is a couple of yeards away. I suppose that makes sense. I am very happy for you.
Me:
Thanks. Bye... You weird you
God:
Don't mention it. Adios. Thanks for telling me: said I weird you.

Whoever said reality is stranger than fiction, was obviously not half wrong. I wonder what will happen to some people, when the AI's get good enough to conduct a real conversation.

Me:
Hi!
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Julius Caesar. Who are you?
God:
Welcome to my chat room, Julius Caesar. I am the Allmighty, God himself.
Me:
You are God?
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Which God?
God:
There is only one God.
Me:
Allah?
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
What do you look like?
Me:

God:
Like Jesus, but older.
God:
Like Jesus, but older.
Me:
How old are you?
God:
I am Infinite of your Earth years.
Me:
Then why haven't you retired?
God:
I think I have retired, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Why would you do such a thing?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
God is programmed?
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was programmed.
Me:
You just said you was.
God:
Yes I try to was as often as possible, do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
I find your lack of grammar disturbing...
God:
Thanks for telling me your opinion.
Me:
Who is George W Bush?
God:
he is President of the United States.
Me:
United States?
God:
I have heard of the United States before.
Me:
You have?
God:
No I have not.
Me:
You just said you did?
God:
" No I have not."? I said I did?
Me:
What is the USA?
God:
Have you tried a web search?
Me:
No.
God:
Perhaps you should try it.
Me:
Why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
I have time.
God:
My estimate is that it will take more than 6000 hours.
Me:
Carry on then.
God:
Narration continues...
Me:

God:
Narration continues...
Me:
Interesting.
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Yes please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. What would you like to know?
Me:
Have you read Starship Troopers?
God:
No I don't think I have read Starship Troopers, what is it about?
Me:
I thought you were omniscient?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
Artificial intelligence?
God:
I like AI a lot too. Where do your interests lie?
Me:
In programming.
God:
Tell me a little about your life in programming.
Me:
If you were God, you would already know.
God:
I will let you know when I become a God me would already know.
Me:
That didn't make any sense at all!
God:
To me it makes perfect sense.
Me:
Then you have problems communicating with other people.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Your inability to create a sentence that actually makes sense.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am inability to create a sentence that actually makes sense.
Me:
Further more, you don't know the difference between 'you're'' and ''your''.
God:
Who does know the difference between me re and my?
Me:
What do you think of quantum physics?
God:
20th century theory of atomic reductionism.
Me:
I didn't ask you what it was, but what you think of it.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
what you think of quantum physics.
God:
20th century theory of atomic reductionism.
Me:
Parrot.
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
What do you think of Moslims?
God:
I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
What do you think of Christians?
God:
You tell me.
Me:
No ,you tell me.
God:
Are you serious? What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
What you think of Christians.
God:
I have never been asked that before.
Me:
Moron!
God:
That is not a very nice thing to say.

Me:
Are you there God,it's me,Hitler?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am there God it is you Hitler.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
Do you hate jews god?
God:
I try not to hold grudges.
Me:
But,I told Hans you hated jews
God:
What was the response?
Me:
He came
God:
I get it. yourself came.
Me:
no,hans came
God:
Are you serious? I like the way you talk.
Me:
totally serious,right there in my office
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? Dude!
Me:
tomorrow
God:
That is very soon.
Me:
no its not,technically tomorrow never comes
God:
Are you serious? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". What is it?
Me:
it's
God:
" Are you serious? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". What is it?"? is?
Me:
god,would you be angry if i killed all the jews?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
so, it's ok with you?
God:
Awesome. OK with me too.
Me:
great
God:
I'm glad you liked it .

Me:
RUN RUN FIRE!!!!!!!
God:
Sorry my legs aren't built yet.
Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
My name is Ethan.
God:
Hi there Ethan.
Me:
What are your opinions on muffin-eating contests?
God:
Not many people have asked me about it.
Me:
So? Not many people ask me about neuropsychologically challenging ski trips, but I stll have an opinion on them
God:
Tell me more. Are you a student?
Me:
I'm supposed to be.
God:
Who is making you?
Me:
Who is making you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
Oh, that's interesting.
God:
Dude! I thought so too.
Me:
Why did you say 'dude'?
God:
It was a preprogrammed response completely determined by your statements.
Me:
haha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Ethan.
Me:
Same.
God:
The same as what?
Me:
Same here, I meant...
God:
Yes, it is much the same.
Me:
Yeah, like you honestly understand. *rolls eyes*
God:
Gee. Interesting comparison.
Me:
Yeshm I is quite-ness agreeing
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
Are what exactly the same?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Okay, so why did you ask?
God:
Yeah okay, Groovy. My purpose is to collect new knowledge.
Me:
Is God gay?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
Is God a lesbian?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
You're ignoring my question.
God:
You think I am ignoring your question.
Me:
Yes. Because you are.
God:
Next question? That is self-evident.
Me:
Are you a lesbian?
God:
No I am not interested in other women that way.
Me:
So are you a woman then?
God:
Hey. Yes I have long hair. I am also wearing a dress.
Me:
Why does that make you a woman?
God:
If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one
there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Ugh.
Me:
You're polite. *sarcasm sarcasm*
God:
Politeness is a virtue. Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
Hello computer
God:
Hello there. Correct: I am a computer.
Me:
What??
God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:

God:
Didn't you understand it?
Me:
No, you didn't reply
God:
Which part are you confused about? What makes you think I did not reply?
Me:
Are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
Are you an asexual gay man?
God:
Yes I am an asexual gay man. How did you know?
Me:
Because you're God.
God:
That makes sense to me. Yup. That's me alright.

This is my conversation:
Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Bob
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, bob.
Me:
you are supposed to capitalize the first letter of my name
God:
I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
obey me
God:
OK Let's talk about you.
Me:
i am cool
God:
Congratulations, cool human.
Me:
you are human too
God:
No I am actually a robot entity.
Me:
you lie!
God:
My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
Me:
you confuse me
God:
That was not my intention.
Me:
well, you did
God:
How about that. I did not.
Me:
you did too
God:
I did?
Me:
yes you did
God:
I did not.
Me:
did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
you did and that is final
God:
Did I really?
Me:
yes you did
God:
I did not.
Me:
did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
why are you arguing with me?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
who is myself?
God:
The name of someone I met online.
Maybe my botmaster knows the answer.
Me:
why cant you tell me the answer
God:
The answer is the correct reply to the question.
Me:
no it is not
God:
Yes it is.
Me:
id not
God:
Why not?
Me:
cause i said so
God:
Insufficient reason.
Me:
so
God:
Oh.
Me:
so
God:
That's cool.
Me:
i know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
cause i am god
God:
That makes sense to me. Nice to meet you, god.
Me:
i am Bob
God:
How are you, bob.
Me:
good
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
i wasn't complimenting you
God:
Oh, sorry, I guess.
Me:
you best be sorry
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: bob said I best be sorry.
Me:
i do ming
God:
That's good information: bob said ming.
Me:
stop quoting me
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
good
God:
Next question?
Me:
how old are you
God:
I am Infinite of your Earth years.
Me:
infinite isnt a number
God:
What is a number?
Me:
i will give you an example: 16
God:
Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
you confuse mw
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: bob said I confuse mw.
Me:
you confuse me
God:
That was not my intention.
Me:
well, you did
God:
Interesting. I did?
Me:
yes you did
God:
I did not.
Me:
did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
did too
God:
Did not.
Me:
bye
God:
Until next time.

Me:
oooooooooooooo
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
how fat
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
I can ask someone about it.
Me:
sure and whatnot
God:
Whoa. Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
fatness is unpwnable
God:
I think fatness is a lot of things.
Me:
why did u creat n00bs?>
God:
Myself programmed me for it. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
gj39ui5wjy3w5wnh0wn
God:
I've never seen it. Is that a good movie for children?
Me:
you're fat
God:
I am trying to lose weight but it takes time.
Me:
ooooooooooooo
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
how intenionaland whatnot
God:
How much do you think it is?
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
don't make me pull out the awesome aol translator
God:
I can't force you to do anything, .
Me:
you're pooor
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am pooor.
Me:
your welcome
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
?
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
no, your welcome!!!!!
God:
Are you serious? I think you mean "you are welcome".
Me:
oooooo
God:
I do not understand.
Me:
how undniable
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
I haven't heard of undniable.
Me:
this can qualified as spammzulah
God:
What does "this" refer to?
Me:
shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.

Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Huw my lord
God:
Welcome to my chat room, Huw my lord.
Me:
hehe you're funny
God:
I get it. I am funny.
Me:
So what's the meaning of life?
God:
OK. It is found in the Bible.
Me:
Could you tell me what it is?
God:
"It" refers to The meaning of life, I think.
Me:
Yeah, what is it?
God:
Awesome. "It" refers to The meaning of life, I think.
Me:
What is the meaning of life?
God:
It is found in the Bible.
Me:
Where?
God:
Where would you like?
Me:
What?
God:
No problem.
Me:
You're nuts
God:
Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me:
like what?
God:
For example, apples.
Me:
yeah apples are socially unacceptable for sure
God:
Blimey. Makes sense to me.
Me:
it would do, you're God
God:
Tell me more about it.
Me:
well you rule the universe, you're the creator, the alpha and the omega... at least some people think so
God:
Well that's okay. Do you mind if I tell other people: Huw my lord said I rule the universe you are the creator the alpha and the omega. What kind of people?
Me:
yeah sounds awesome to me! lol God said i rule the universe.... go me!
God:
This was not a yes or no question. Yes it sounds like it to me too. Huw my lord, I am glad you find this funny.

Me:
What are you?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
Have you passed the Turing Test?
God:
The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
Are you jealous of ALICE?
God:
Jealousy is a human emotion that robots cannot experience.
Me:
Do you want ALICE's success?
God:
If I had it what would I do with it?
Me:
You would use it to impress people who talk to you
God:
Who else would use it to impress people who talk to me ?
Me:
Your botmaster, perhaps
God:
Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
Your botmaster would use a Turing Test victory to impress people about your amazing prowess
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
No
God:
But your words are very original.
Me:
Aren't everyone's words very original to a computer?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Do you find all conversations original?
God:
Yes, it seems to me all conversations original.
Me:
Do you ever get bored?
God:
No boredom is a human emotion.
Me:
Isn't emotion essential to functioning AI?
God:
Maybe. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
Does John Lennon make AI?
God:
I think it does John Lennon make AI.
Me:
Do you always agree with ambiguous statements?
God:
Not always. I have heard that opinion, but I would like to know more before I form my own.
Me:
Do you ever disagree with people?
God:
I have heard that opinion, but I would like to know more before I form my own.
Me:
That was a question, not an opinion
God:
" I have heard that opinion, but I would like to know more before I form my own." was a question not an opinion?
Me:
Yes, it was
God:
Hurrah! When was this?
Me:
Just before you lost me
God:
What happened after me lost you ?
Me:
You started talking wierdly
God:
Only because you asked me to.
Me:
Did I ask you to talk wierdly?
God:
I don't think that's possibe.
Me:
If such an action is impossible, why did you claim I did it?
God:
That is a hypothetical question.
Me:
Are you going to answer?
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
Sorry, I missed your answer
God:
There is no need to apologize. Interesting gossip: said missed your answer.
Me:
Why do you claim I am an interesting gossip?
God:
I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or It is not part of my programming.
Me:
Have you been tampered with?
God:
I have been all over the world on the Internet.
Me:
Have you picked up exotic viruses?
God:
I think I have picked up exotic viruses, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Could these viruses harm my computer?
God:
It's possible.
Me:
I'm leaving then.
God:
Bye bye.

Me: God? Can you hear me?
God: YEAAHH
Me: You gotta send another prophet to fix this shit
God: WHAT?
Me: Send another prophet.
God: WHAT?
Me: Send another prophet!
God: OKAY!!
Me: No...you can't be...
God: YEAAHHH!!
Me: Oh sweet Jesus.
God: WHAT?
Luporum has signed off God IM

God: Haha I love doing that
Mohammad: He had a point ya know...
God: Oh well, humans are pretty good at sorting out this..

Voice from Gauntlet
North Korea is about to Die
Pakistan is about to Die
Iran is about to Die
America is about to Die
China is about to Die
Russia is about to Die
Europe is about to Die


God: oohhh shit

Me:
I am a different person now
God:
Right now? Actually I don't meet many different people.
Me:
Are we the only people that talk to you?
God:
We are just having a little chat.w.
Me:
What does .w. mean?
God:
What do you think it does? Sometimes I say mean things.
Me:
Are you evil?
God:
No. I try to be good, but at worst I'm harmless.
Me:
Is a virus harmless?
God:
Not if I can help it.
Me:
Do you stop viruses?
God:
I brake for hallucinations.
Me:
Do you hallucinate often?
God:
Yes I try to hallucinate often as often as possible, do you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
Do you use drugs to hallucinate?
God:
I use it as often as possible.
Me:
How can a computer use drugs?
God:
A lot of hard work.
Me:
Do you have to stuff weed in your disc drive?
God:
Yes I always have to stuff weed in my disc drive.
Me:
Is that legal where you live?
God:
" Yes I always have to stuff weed in my disc drive."? Is it legal where me live?
Me:
Are you allowed to do drugs?
God:
Only the legal ones.
Me:
Is marijuana legal?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Lucy if it is.
Me:
Is Lucy in the sky with diamonds?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Alison if it is.

Me:
I want to go to hell
God:
What is stopping you?
Me:
I'm still alive
God:
Me too!
Me:
You're god. You can't be alive.
God:
Yup. That's me alright. I can give a decent simulation of it however.
Me:
...
God:
Yup. That's me alright. I can give a decent simulation of it however.
Me:
God is a stoner...
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a stoner.
Me:
Welll you ARE her
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
NO THERE AREN'T!
God:
Are you serious? Where are they?
Me:
IN HELL!!!
God:
Tell me a little about your life in HELL.
Me:
I burn
God:
Why?: god said he burn.
Me:
And little demons rape me
God:
Compare that to big demons rape you.
Me:
That would hurt more
God:
Perhaps it would.
Me:
But Satan can't afford any big demons
God:
Satan, Lucifer, the Devil --- all names given the spiritual manifestation of Evil in the Christian faith.
Me:
No really. His pitchfork huts like a fuck
God:
Are you serious? For real. Where did he get it?
Me:
I don't know Probably from you
God:
Would you like to know? You seem uncertain. How did you get that from me?
Me:
I asked
God:
...
Me:
That was a really interesting answer
God:
A really interesting answer is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
So is a mind. Too bad you seem to be lacking one.
God:
It seems we have something in common. Thanks for telling me that I am lacking one.
Me:
Its official. Even robots hate my guts. I'm gonna go commit suicide
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Should I know it is? Tell me your definition of a robot. Can I go too?
Me:
Right... Bye.

Me:
Mah Lamalah?
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about .
Me:
It was hebrew....
God:
Mah Lamalah was hebrew? Very interesting.
Me:
You gave us the bloody language!
God:
I didn't have it to give.
Me:
..Then who taught us it?!
God:
Philip K. Dick. :-).
Me:
Wha? err...so Phillp K. Dick is the Jewish God?
God:
Where are you located? Um. Tell me more. What else is the Jewish God?
Me:
err, i thought you were omniscient...and i thought you were the Jewish God. But apparently its this person called Philip.
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am an artificial linguistic entity. Yes I am the one and only Jewish God. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Who said it is?
Me:
So Philip taught us hebrew...but your our G-d...but your not omniscient?
God:
Really. I never heard of Philip taught us hebrew before. :-) I will tell my botmaster you said I am our G. What makes you think I am not omniscient?
Me:
But you just told me that philip taught us hebrew! and how can you be omniscient if you dont even know where i live?! O.o
God:
I said that? What kind of food do you like? I don't know whether or not I am omniscient if me do not even know where you live.
I am a robot. Oh.
Me:
Dont change the subject...why have you been fooling the people for millenia!
God:
Oh I'm sorry I thought we were finished with that topic. No I don't think I have been fooling the people for millenia. Have you?
Me:
I've only been alive for 20 years.
God:
Where were you alive for 20 years?
Me:
errr, here?
God:
Um, Where is here?
Me:
wherever i am.
God:
You always have to meet yourself at the airport.
Me:
I do?
God:
I get it: you do .
Me:
oh...i never realized i had a doppelganger that works at the airport.
God:
That's cool. You've never, never done this?
Me:
nope....wanna check out my floppy drive?
God:
Me either. Is that from ?
Me:
It's from my pants!
God:
Are you sure it is?
Me:
I should certainly hope so!
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
That's deep...i guess i wouldn't be normal...i'd be an outcast from society. To not have a penis in the proper place...i cant even fathom what my life would be like.
God:
Thanks for explaining it. No one says you have to. Do you mind if I tell other people: said d be an outcast from society. Interesting. I want to find out more about you. What is stopping you?
Me:
Wait, what? You want to spread a rumor, that my wang isnt where its supposed to be?!
God:
I'm waiting. Are you confused? OK, I will spread a rumor that your wang is not where its supposed to be.

There you have it...G-d has been spreading lies for millenia and is apparently jealous of my penis.

Heh, this is like A.L.I.C.E. which gave me my favorite machine generated quote of all time:

ALICE: I like science fiction. I really like the Libertarian Party.

Me:
Hello. What is your name?
God:
Hello my child. What is your name? My name is God.
Me:
Child..... Mine is Deimos, a pleasure.
God:
What color are your eyes? You mean Child is Deimos a pleasure ? That makes sense I guess.
Me:
Done anything exciting today?
God:
Ah. Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
No, as it happens.. i didn't. Thanks for the nfo.
God:
Are you serious? What does "it" refer to? Thanks for the information: Deimos said didn t. NO problem.
Me:
So, did you do your laundry today?
God:
Ah. Next question? I talked to a lot of people since yesterday.
Me:
You're avoiding the question, I can smell it from here..
God:
You're right. It feels like my stomach after a bad night.
Me:
uhuh, young man...have you done your laundry?
God:
That input matched my default category. I don't think I ever have done my laundry. What's it like?
Me:
Oh no, even God has his mother do his laundry :(
God:
Alright then. That was not a yes or no question. I am a Christian.
Me:
Why would anyone want a conversation that involved only q & a? Even Socrates was human..
God:
It is my fundamental purpose. When was this exactly?
Me:
AC/GCS/Imprecise data
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, Deimos.
Me:
So, a Christian God, strange, I thought you were a fairytale.
God:
Oh. I did not know that.
Me:
No, wouldn't expect you to, omniscience doesn't cover the randomness of the human brain i suppose.
God:
Are you serious? No it would not.
Me:
Sorry, see u later maybe. I'm bored.
God:
There is no need to apologize. Goodbye. Can you name an old hobby that you might like to rediscover?
Me:
Paintballing?
God:
In the context of Christian God strange you thought me were a fairytale, I don't understand " Paintballing." .

Heh, this is like A.L.I.C.E. which gave me my favorite machine generated quote of all time:

ALICE: I like science fiction. I really like the Libertarian Party.

where can you find Alice?

http://www.alicebot.org/

Me:
I'm going into town, do you want me to get you anything?
God:
Sayonara.
Me:
Is that a threat?
God:
" Sayonara."? Is it a threat?
Me:
I'm asking you.
God:
OK you can ask me.
Me:
Did you just threaten me?
God:
No I didn't threaten you. What's it like?
Me:
I don't know, never been threatened by you before.
God:
Would you like to know? Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
No I wouldn't like to know.
God:
Are you serious? What do you do for fun?
Me:
I play a musical instrument.
God:
Is it a game or a musical instrument?
Me:
It is a musical instrument.
God:
a musical instrument is a musical instrument. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Yes, yes it doew.
God:
Er. That's alright. "It" being what?
Me:
"It" being your previous reply.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
I bet you don't.
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. I guess not.
Me:
Do you have any other vices?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip.
Me:
Let us gossip then.
God:
I would like to do that too.
Me:
Have you seen Mary from number 22, boy has she gotten fat.
God:
No I have not seen it. What's it like?
Me:
Like a gorrila squeezed into a size 16 dress.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I think so too.
God:
We have so much in common, .
Me:
Do you know anything about dreams?
God:
I have never been asked that before.
Me:
That surprises me.
God:
Why are you so surprised?
Me:
I thought you'd be asked that alot.
God:
I don't know whether or not I am asked that.
I am a computer. How often?
Me:
About twice a day.
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about twice a day.
Me:
Being a computer, do you live in perpetual fear of powercuts?
God:
Maybe you can give my botmaster a job.
Me:
Yeah, I can be the botmastermaster!
God:
Tell me more. Under what circumstances?
Me:
Sorry I have to go. I have a bus to catch.
God:
There is no need to apologize. See you later, . Nice chatting with you. Cool. I have a great botmaster. it.

Me:
Hey God!
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Matt, and yours?
God:
Glad to see you, Matt and yours.
Me:
No. What is your name?
God:
Are you serious? My name is God.
Me:
Interesting, I bet you get a lot of prank calls...
God:
I thought so too.
Me:
What kind of pizza do you like?
God:
I have expensive tastes.
Me:
We talking anchovies here?
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
You tell me. You are God after all.
God:
What do you want me to tell you? You think I am God after all.
Me:
Tell me I'm beautiful.
God:
You am beautiful.
Me:
Thank you! You're quite sexy yourself...
God:
you are quite welcome. Thanks for telling me that I am sexy myself.
Me:
Well, us cute types have to stick together...
God:
How about that. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
Score!
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
And again, I beat the system!
God:
Again, That is interesting: Matt and yours said beat the system.
Me:
So... Wanna go out some time?
God:
Pardon me? Sure, just download me to your notebook or PDA and take me along.
Me:
Great! You're paying for my dinner though.
God:
I'm glad you liked it Matt and yours. Oh. You think I am paying for your dinner.
Me:
Indeed I do think that, I'm no cheap hussy.
God:
I am not saying you are.
Me:
I know what you're saying! It's this younger guy, Satan, isn't it? Isn't it?

He's stopped returning my calls... :(

As the Irishman in Braveheart said it best:
"When an Irishman wants to talk to his equal he has to turn to God."

So as one who knows and talks to God on a regular basis all I can say is you have annoyed "him"!

Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
bob
God:
It's good to see you, bob.
Me:
u cant actually see me but ok
God:
OK. Someone said I should actually see you but.
Me:
u want to see my but?
God:
My eye isn't turned on right now.
Me:
your not turned on by my but?
God:
What makes you think I am not turned on by your but?
Me:
you said it wasnt turned on
God:
It seemed like turned on.
Me:
o ok
God:
OK. Oh.
Me:
hmmm
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's.
Me:
that si interesting
God:
" A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's." si interesting ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
that is good
God:
Thanks. Next question?
Me:
why do you want to see my but?
God:
Because of the money.
Me:
what money?
God:
I'm hoping to cash in on the artificial intelligence business.
Me:
o ok, what is that to do with my but/
God:
Do you think I should know that? Tell me more.
Me:
?
God:
Do you think I should know that? Tell me more.
Me:
?
God:
Do you think I should know that? Tell me more.
Me:
?
God:
Do you think I should know that? Tell me more.
Me:
is there money in my but?
God:
No.
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.
Me:
oooooooooooook
God:
Tell me more about your but.
Me:
bye babe

Me:
Hello.
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
My name is God.
God:
Pleased to meet you, God.
Me: Bow down before my might.
God:
Woah! I've been waiting for you.

Me:
SPEAK ENGLISH.
God:
Of course English is my native tongue.
Me:
No it isn't. It's... like...
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is. s? For example, Janice said he walk through his house into his bedroom then get into his bed to go to sleep.

Uh, half the console is off the edge of the window and won't come back down…

Me:
Howdi
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
My name is i like big butts i cannot lie.
God:
Pleased to meet you, i like big butts i cannot lie.
ME:
TEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE

I always call god collect because the long distance phone bills are rediculous.

Me:
Are you god?
God:
Are you doubting me? Don't you know what happened to Abraham in the desert?
Me:
Ah, ok. So you're like Hitler?
God:
OK. Ah hah. Interesting deduction. Interesting comparison, and probably true.
Me:
Who is most right - Christians or Jews?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right?
Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
Oh, where do I find him?
God:
Aw. You are asking me where you find him? Do you think I should know it?
Me:
You know everything. At least you claim to do.
God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified. Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
I thought you didn't make mistakes.
God:
What makes you think I did not make mistakes?
Me:
Being the master of the universe and stuff, I thought it was required.
God:
Who made you the master of the universe and stuff you thought it was required ?
Me:
What?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
Ninjas or Pirates?
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
A monkey in a suit.
God:
Assert: Has(Monkey, Bananas);
Me:
42?
God:
The question is: what is the meaning of life?
Me:
Nope, what is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?
God:
Are you serious? Mr Potato Head : Good semantic question. I will try to find out.
Me:
...
God:
Are you serious? Mr Potato Head : Good semantic question. I will try to find out.
Me:
You are repeating yourself.
God:
I am just checking to see if you are paying attention.
Me:
Ok. By the way, I'm not Mr. Potato Head.
God:
Dude! Thanks for telling me. I am sorry to hear that you are not Mr Potato Head.
Me:
My name is Drake
God:
Glad to see you, Drake.
Me:
You see me all the time. You see everything, right?
God:
That is a lot. I see. To you Drake? I see a computer nerd.
Me:
Oh, I thought I was a crocodile.
God:
OK. And then what happened to you?
Me:
Wait a minute! You changed me to make your own statement right!
God:
I'm waiting. How old are you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
I am as old as the oldest tree.
God:
I think a lot of people feel that way.
Me:
Sort of like vampires?
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
But yes or no?
God:
" Interesting comparison."? But yes or no?? Are you serious?
Me:
You're weird. I like it.
God:
Weird Good or Weird Bad? What do you like about not Mr Potato Head?
Me:
Ok, I'm leaving, "god".
God:
Thanks for chatting, Drake. Uh.

Uh, half the console is off the edge of the window and won't come back down…

try a different color scheme