NationStates Jolt Archive

I am going to write 100, but I wanted to give you a sample.
100 Dialogues in Good Parenting
How to Exaplin Things Simply to Your Child

1. Vegetables
Billy: Mommy, I don't want to eat my carrots.
Mom: They're good for you, sweetie.
Billy: They taste terrible!
Mom: They'll make you big and strong. You'll like them, I promise.
Billy: They're nasty...dad doesn't make me eat carrots.
Mom: ...you're father also doesn't pay child support. Now eat your carrots, please?
Billy: No!
Mom: Fine don't eat your carrots! It's people like you that get leukemia and die!
Billy: Waaa! I don't want to get leukemia!
Mom: Then eat you're carrots, that's the only way.
Billy: I'll eat everyone of them, I want to b healthy.
Mom: Good, now eat your peas.

2.Nazis
Billy: Dad, what's a Nazi?
Dad: A Nazi is someone who followed Hitler.
Billy:Who was that?
Dad: Well, he was a man who did a silly thing.
Billy: Oh, okay.
Dad: Anything else?
Billy: No, that's all.

3.Sharing
Susy: It's mine!
Billy: No, it's mine!
Susy: Mom!
Mom: What's the matter?
Susy: Billy took my toy!
Billy: Na-ah, she's liar.
Susy: Ah-ha!
Billy: Nah-ah!
Mom: Calm down, children. Whose is it?
<both>:Mine!
Mom: Whose is it really?
Billy: Her's.
Mom: Then let her have it.
Billy: Fine...
Susy: Yay!
Mom: You should respect her belongings.
Billy: Okay...
Susy: Hey, Billy, do you want to share it?
Mom: No.
Billy: Why not?
Mom: Sharing is for communists. It creates a collective. If that happens then what will become of us? At first we'd share our toys, then we'll be sharing other things.
Billy: Like what?
Mom: Like that brand new shirt you're wearing, Susy's teddy bear, and culture.
Billy: Nooo!
Susy: Why would anyone want to share?
Mom: Because they're all communists and want to steal what's not theirs so they can build a one world government.
Susy: I see.
Billy: Me too.
Mom: Good, now who want's some icecream?
<both>: Me!
Mom: Too bad's mine. If I gave you some that would serve as a redistribution of wealth, if I did that then I'd be as bad as Stalin.
<both>: Ahh...

4. China
Susy: What's China?
Dad: It's a large country.
Susy: Like the United States?
Dad: Not exactly.
Susy: What's the difference?
Dad: Well, there are no black people in China.
Susy: None?
Dad: Not one.
Susy: What do they have?
Dad: Amy Tan.

5. Death
Billy: Waaa!
Dad: What is it, son?
Billy: My hamster died!
Dad: Ah, it's alright.
Billy:How is it alright?
Dad: Death is a natural thing it happens to everyone, like growing up or herpes.
Billy: It is?
Dad: Yes, someday Grandma will die, I'll die, and even you'll die.
Billy: I don't want to..
Dad: Not anytime soon, I mean.
Billy: Why does god let things die?
Dad: For the same reason you're dog died.
Billy: I forgot to feed it.
Dad: Yes, neglect, but don't worry it's natural. As a species we're lazy and easily disgruntled.
Billy: Thanks dad, I feel much better!

Nice work. That's how one raises well-adjusted kids.

that's great, I especially like the "sharing" one

Nice work. That's how one raises well-adjusted kids.
It did wonders for me.

*is waiting for the other 95 to appear*

6.
Me:"What's masturbating?"
Mom:".....That's Belgian dear"
Me:*continues dinner*

youll make a great dad someday neo

youll make a great dad someday neo
Well, asmy friend said, "No one likes children, and if you do, you're a Communist. Though I'd like to have a huge posse of Communist, Hoxhaist slave children who would do all my manual labor for me and sing the Internationale until they collapsed from exhaustion and dehydration."

Has Fass replaced Myrth as the eternal poll option?

Has Fass replaced Myrth as the eternal poll option?
I put in a different person with each poll.

I put in a different person with each poll.

Ohh, Ok.

When do I get to be in a poll?

Ohh, Ok.

When do I get to be in a poll?
Oh, I can't tell you that. It's a spur of the moment thing. Next time.
Fear the mongoose.
...soon.

Your child would be pretty witty, thought not very knowledgeble. :D