NationStates Jolt Archive

for my british lit class i have to write a story in the form of a myth (kind of like beowulf, the epic of gilgamesh ect). iam kind of stuck so iam hope some people would read what i have so far and tell me what they think, waht parts are confusing... what ever you feel like saying. iam not done with the story yet i just want some feed back be for i keep writing
ok here goes....

*The snow swirled thought the air and slid along the ground in glistening ribbons; silently reflecting the bright light of a full moon back at the heavens. It was in these hours of darkness that the goddess’s of the night placed their newest creation on earth. She was as exquisite and fascinating as her makers; with skin as soft as the fallen snow and eyes like large black diamonds. She was given to a woman barely more than girl, who had been taken in the night.
The goddess’s had clutched each other crying out as they wept bitter tears, they watched the girls child-hood be violently taken from her. When she was left the Goddess’s cared for her, bathing her wounds, lamenting over the girls brokenness; it was then that they vowed to each put fourth her best quality to create a gift for the broken one, a gift that would cover her wrong.
Sky gave beauty, Stars gave vibrancy, Moon gave being, and Darkness gave sight for all things true, Water gave laughter, Earth gave purity, Wind gave song, and Galaxy gave adventure. Together they molded and shaped their gift till it was perfect in their eyes, but one gift none of the goddesses could bestow, so they traveled to the Great One the giver of life, they implored him to add the one final quality that that would make their gift real.
The Great One agreed but told the goddesses all the other people would look down open their gift to the broken one. The goddesses agreed and traveled together to deliver their treasure. They moved silently through the world and lay their gift in the woman’s arms; she stirred and woke, seeing the goddesses’ treasure she rejoiced thanking the Great One for bestowing the last of the gifts, and healing her brokenness.*

Split it into smaller paragraphs.

thanks :)
any one elce?

Til is not a word, child-hood does not have a dash in it, fourth -> forth, actually, the entire thing is one editing mess. Since I have nothing better to do...

The goddess’s...

"Goddesses".

No need for a greengrocer's apostrophe.

lol....thanks!, i have not goten as far as editing it yet but, i guess it needs it pritty badly, i usualy save that untill the very end when iam all done writing.
thanks for your input!!!!

I would ditch the flowery language and pseudo-archaicisms and just write it as a brief summary to begin with. The potency of myths is that they can quickly be summarised: they are on one level very simple tales.

Firstly, stick in Trogdor. Cause Trogdor (http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html) ROCKS. Secondly, throw in some useless sex scenes. I think the Goddess and Trogdor would be good. Oh, wait, you already did. Nevermind then. Then, I dunno, toss in some knives and a snake or something.

Or not.

All kidding aside, are they fixing this raped girl or placing something NEW on the earth? Which is it? What is the myth about, what story are you telling? myths tend to try to explain smoething that is, whether it be a cultural phenomenon (don't rape women) or a world atribute (why the sky is blue). What is this myth abOOt, eh?

*The snow swirled though the air and slid towards the ground in glistening ribbons, silently reflecting the bright light of a full moon back at the heavens. It was in these hours of darkness that the goddesses of the night placed their newest creation on earth. She was exquisite and fascinating, with skin as soft as the fallen snow and large black diamonds for eyes. Their creation was given to one who was barely a child, who was given shelter from the biting cold.
[missing something here, it lacks flow]
The goddesses had clutched each other, weeping bitter tears. They watched the girl's [watch the reference here, which girl] childhood being ripped from her breast. When she was left the goddesses cared for her, bathing her wounds, lamenting over the girl's [which] brokenness. Each vowed to put forth their best quality for the broken one, a gift that would cover her wrong.
They gave her beauty, vibrancy, being, sight for all things true. They gave laughter, purity, song, and adventure. Together they molded and shaped their gifts until they were perfect, but one gift they could not bestow, so they traveled to the Great One, the giver of life. They implored him to add the one final quality that that would make their gift real.
The Great One agreed, but told the goddesses all the other people would look down upon their gift to the broken one [no clue what this means]. The goddesses agreed and traveled together to deliver their treasure. They moved silently through the world and laid their gifts in the woman’s arms. She stirred and awoke, upon seeing the goddesses’ treasure she rejoiced, thanking the Great One for bestowing of the gifts and healing her brokenness.*


feh. Better, but I'm rushed.

I would ditch the flowery language and pseudo-archaicisms and just write it as a brief summary to begin with. The potency of myths is that they can quickly be summarized: they are on one level very simple tales.
Remember Beowulf? God, pointless metaphors ahoy!

I would ditch the flowery language and pseudo-archaicisms and just write it as a brief summary to begin with. The potency of myths is that they can quickly be summarised: they are on one level very simple tales.
i would but i need 4+ pages single spaced, iam not the best a making things up so... :(

Firstly, stick in Trogdor. Cause Trogdor (http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html) ROCKS. Secondly, throw in some useless sex scenes. I think the Goddess and Trogdor would be good. Oh, wait, you already did. Nevermind then. Then, I dunno, toss in some knives and a snake or something.

Or not.

All kidding aside, are they fixing this raped girl or placing something NEW on the earth? Which is it? What is the myth about, what story are you telling? myths tend to try to explain smoething that is, whether it be a cultural phenomenon (don't rape women) or a world atribute (why the sky is blue). What is this myth abOOt, eh?

well my idea was that the girl gets raped and the goddess try to fix her buy giving her a gift- a daughter who is perfect, bla bla bla- the daughter ends up running away and goes through several experiances and eventual makes it back home- she finds that her mother has died durring her travels and she realises tht she should have been greatful for what she had insted of looking for more...eventaly she dies and is burn as custemary and the goddeses make her one of ther own...but it might change i really have no idea

you have to write 4 pages of that??!!

i like it.

when you go into the life of the creation, drop the flowery language. keep that for only descriptions of the goddesses and their actions. 4 pages of language that hard to read would be painful.

you have to write 4 pages of that??!!

i like it.

when you go into the life of the creation, drop the flowery language. keep that for only descriptions of the goddesses and their actions. 4 pages of language that hard to read would be painful.
Ever read beowulf?

but it might change i really have no idea

Best be gettin' crackin' then. Can't help much without a unifying theme.

Ever read beowulf?
most of the first page

whats your point?

most of the first page

whats your point?
Flowery (to a point) and obscure references to objects make beowulf. The story is supposed to be in the style of beowulf.


(eg, whale road=ocean)

*shudder*

i think you have read more into his post than it says. surely no teacher is masochistic enough to want to read 20+ essays in all but unreadable styles. surely s/he just wants the life story of an epic hero.

*shudder*

i think you have read more into his post than it says. surely no teacher is masochistic enough to want to read 20+ essays in all but unreadable styles. surely s/he just wants the life story of an epic hero.
That isn't that bad.


Before Merlin came, I was forced to subdue my hearts fondest desires, still the urge to embrace my love, ignore my rapidly beating heart, bonded to Gorlois by my chains of matrimony, forbidden to even suggest my love to Uther

Something like that? I wrote four pages of stuff like that (yes, the grammer is bad, but it's supposed to be written in loose style, like a journal), and ended up getting a 100 on it.

That isn't that bad.



Something like that? I wrote four pages of stuff like that (yes, the grammer is bad, but it's supposed to be written in loose style, like a journal), and ended up getting a 100 on it.
yeah YOU got a 100

what about all those essays that only deserve a 70? s/he still has to read those.

Flowery (to a point) and obscure references to objects make beowulf. The story is supposed to be in the style of beowulf.


(eg, whale road=ocean)

Possibly, but Beowulf can still be summarised in brief:

Dude fights Grendel and kills him by tearing his arm off. This pisses off Grendel's ma, and so she hunts down the dude, but he manages to kill her too. For this the dude is made into a king by his people, but even a hero such as this dude is not immortal - he encounters a dragon and is bested in combat. He predicts woe for his people before he dies.

As the OP stated, the assignment wasn't to write something in the style of Beowulf, but rather in the form of a myth. The narrative of a myth is primal, the way in which it is told is secondary, as any 'real' myth goes through countless iterations of tellings, amendments, variations and versions.

Beowulf as told by Seamus Heaney is as much a myth as the Old English version which has been handed down to us, or the doubtless countless variant versions which preceded it being written down.

That isn't that bad.

Before Merlin came, I was forced to subdue my hearts fondest desires, still the urge to embrace my love, ignore my rapidly beating heart, bonded to Gorlois by my chains of matrimony, forbidden to even suggest my love to Uther

Something like that?

Yeah, but (no offense to anyone intended here), your piece is much better written than the following:

The goddess’s had clutched each other crying out as they wept bitter tears, they watched the girls child-hood be violently taken from her. When she was left the Goddess’s cared for her, bathing her wounds, lamenting over the girls brokenness; it was then that they vowed to each put fourth her best quality to create a gift for the broken one, a gift that would cover her wrong.

Possibly, but Beowulf can still be summarised in brief:

Dude fights Grendel and kills him by tearing his arm off. This pisses off Grendel's ma, and so she hunts down the dude, but he manages to kill her too. For this the dude is made into a king by his people, but even a hero such as this dude is not immortal - he encounters a dragon and is bested in combat. He predicts woe for his people before he dies.

As the OP stated, the assignment wasn't to write something in the style of Beowulf, but rather in the form of a myth. The narrative of a myth is primal, the way in which it is told is secondary, as any 'real' myth goes through countless iterations of tellings, amendments, variations and versions.

Beowulf as told by Seamus Heaney is as much a myth as the Old English version which has been handed down to us, or the doubtless countless variant versions which preceded it being written down.
Oh. I thought it was supposed to be written in the style of beowulf. My mistake.

Oh. I thought it was supposed to be written in the style of beowulf. My mistake.

Asking someone who appears to have a somewhat shaky grasp of contemporary English to write an aliterative prose poem in Old English would seem both cruel and unusual.

Yeah, but (no offense to anyone intended here), your piece is much better written than the following:
Well, it just needs editing. I like the concept, and it could go far (even tying in a bit of beowulf to it [why am I stuck on beowulf tonight] with the three sets of challenges, against his fears represented through monsters etc), it just needs some work.


(*sigh* I am so tired. Ignore the grammatical errors, there are tons)

Well, it just needs editing. I like the concept, and it could go far (even tying in a bit of beowulf to it [why am I stuck on beowulf tonight] with the three sets of challenges, against his fears represented through monsters etc), it just needs some work.

Without getting too embroiled in Formalism... why the ongoing cultural fascination with trinities in myths and fairytales?

Without getting too embroiled in Formalism... why the ongoing cultural fascination with trinities in myths and fairytales?
Tradition. Archetypical three, you know. I guess every myth that has a root in a god/higher power (beowulf in this case would almost be considered a demigod) tends to lean towards a set of three. You see it even in the bible.

*shudder*

.....surely no teacher is masochistic enough to want to read 20+ essays in all but unreadable styles. .....
actualy it eaxcty what she wants, she told us to use the way that beowoulf and the epic of gilgamesh were writtion as insperation for our storys/ myths what ever you want to call them...o and yah i know my writing sucks but i really dont care... its a rough draft so its allowed to have gramatiacl error and such....hum i did not realise that i was useing threes........anyway thanks for all your opinions and such

Tradition. Archetypical three, you know. I guess every myth that has a root in a god/higher power (beowulf in this case would almost be considered a demigod) tends to lean towards a set of three. You see it even in the bible.

Yeah, but I was asking the hard question - what is it about the human psyche or the global culture that draws us to structure narratives around threefold incidents or triple repetition? I don't expect an actual answer to this one.

Not meant as an answer, since the concept of trinities is so interwined with the global "psyche" as mentioned...From Lao Tzu to Poincare's Conjecture.

The "rule of three" though, especially in rhetorics, narration or even NLP is quite a pervasive theme (and it always seems to have a convincing effect as well...).

Read My Lips,
No New Taxes,
Get The Point?

I prefer the Eucledean approach, where three points define a plane, and our nominal perceptions are somewhat tied to planar observation anyway...

but there are a bunch of other less obvious numerical correlations that are available to narration as well, like using other prime numbers, or Fibonacci numbers (golden sections and things).