NationStates Jolt Archive

1. Dear God someone needs to teach you people how to make a cup of tea. A sack of filth floating in warm water is NOT TEA: it is a sack of filth floating in warm water. If any food establishment served any other drink or dish as poorly as everywhere does tea, it would be a case for outrage. Even on the occasion I got taken to a genuinely swanky restaurant, they still produced a sack of filth floating in warm water - they just charged more for it.

2. American TV.

3. American TV.

4. American TV. Most of my favourite programmes (chieflyTheWestWingbutpleasedon'tstartflamingmeforthatbecauseitdoesn'tnecessarilymeanI'maliberaljust becauseIlikeoneshow) are American, and I'd always assumed that you had it much better. But most of it is appalling. The adverts are even worse. And the news! Jesus fuckign Christ, everyone bitches on and on about CNN and Fox and which is biased, but does it really matter because they're ALL, WITHOUT RESERVE, ABYSMAL. I don't know how you can stand it.

5. The cult of the flag thing is really creepy. It's everywhere. It's quite a pretty flag, and it's historically important, and so on. But still, it won't actually grant seven magic wishes.

6. Firefighters are brave. Absolutely. Those who have continued to work, especially those in the NYFD, after losing colleagues and friends on 9/11 are brave. But they're not fucking demi-Gods. The way people were worshipping them, it was like they'd single-handedly freed America from the British or something.

7. And on the subject of 9/11, I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...

8. I am not a terrorist. If I were, I would not visit the Museum of the American Indian. You don't need to poke my bag with a stick, or smell my water, or take me aside for extra questioning when I point out how stupid smelling my water is.

9. All you policemen have big guns. Talk about overkill. If you're going to have some guns, so be it, but does everyone need them? The guys on the Staten Island ferry had guns bigger than me. Really necessary? I tried to reason with one cop, and said that if he agreed to discard his gun, I'd give him a fluffy bear with which to promote peace, love and understanding. He told me to fuck off.

10. Your portions are way too big. Not everywhere has doggie-bags, and not every dish can be doggie-bagged. I shouldn't have to deploy moles to burrow through the fries (THEY'RE CALLED CHIPS) to get to my chicken. One place gave me a slice of cake I couldn't actually lift.

11. Employing illiterate staff in the hospitality industry is great: it gives them a chance of gainful employment where other businesses might reject them. But being able to read 'Do Not Disturb' is, I would say, a bare minimum.

12. All this fuss about security, and yet I didn't once encounter problems with my super, super crap fake ID, despite:
- my clearly not being 21;
- its super, super crapness;
- the fact that it spelt 'European' with an 'i'.
I mean, there were times when they were getting out microscopes for American cards, but I swear if a six-year old had crayoned a few stars on a paper napkin they'd have let them in.

13. Having said, why is alcohol so expensive? Prices weren't as bad as I'd thought they would be, although that might just be an exchange-rate thing, but alcohol was consistently exorbitant. What's the point of repealing Prohibition if you're going to impose a financial one?

14. Police sirens in the UK go niiIIiinniiIIiinniiIIii and so on. In America, they go nii-niiI-ni-niiII-nii-niiI-IT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. Why can't they just let them run, instead of stop-starting them.

15. The anti-war, anti-Bush protestors sucked. Badly. (And totally got pwned by the anti-CCP protestors.)

16. 'Cellphone' is good. 'Sidewalk' I can live with. But 'eggplant'? Come ON.

17. Your petrol (sorry, gas) smells funny.

18. I'd expected to see loads of the usual chains - fine. But why was it impossible to walk ten paces without tripping a Duane Reade shop, which only seemed to sell border-line illegal muscle growth stimulants and TV magazines?

19. Leave France alone. They're alright.

20. Get some proper names for you subway lines. '1' and 'Red' don't count. 'Bakerloo', 'Victoria', 'Jubilee' - now those are names. And Washington's Metro Center subway station should have big 'don't sit on the railless wall and see how far you can lean back' signs.

21. You're all too nice. Seriously, it gets annoying.

There are some good things though:
- coffee;
- air conditioning;
- comics in newspapers;
- Mexican soap operas;
- the girls at Georgetown University.

Anyway, I'm not trying to bait/offend people. These are just some of the things that racked me off while I was there, and that you will have to rectify before truly being the 'land of the free'.

Also, you invaded Iraq.

Where's Fass when you need him...

LOL..I got a good grin out of this..Welcome back, Gruenberg. I've to agree on alot of your points. Since I'm feeling lazy and need to be studying, I'll have to let someone else explain 'em all.

i LOVE this

*and now don't anybody try to call this flaming or trolling or whatever. this is NOT offensive and yes i'd still say this if it was my country.

That gave me a good laugh. Some of the points are stupid, but some are very true...

I take issue with point number 13.

You think alcohol in the US is expensive? I find it to be quite affordable. Do they give it away free in the UK?

1) Our culture drinks coffee not tea, doesn't make you better just different.
2) Family Guy
3) Wow what an insightful observation.
4) Don't like it, don't watch it. Read the NY Times everyday like I do.
5) God forbid we domestrate national pride
6) The world needs heros and they're the closest ones we have
7) Actually we have gotten over it. Except for the people who had loved ones die, god forbid a family should mourn the loss of someone they miss.
8) Safety first Ahkmed
9) Ever see the Bank of Hollywood robbery, that's why now go fuck off hippy ;)
10) I can't understand that, something about food.
11) Wow, that's so terrible. Must be America's fault
12) Never know when those terrorists might bomb a strip club
13) I don't drink, it can be a disgusting vice.
14) ...shut the hell up please
15) Why didn't you protest?
16) WTF are you talknig about?
17) You really shouldn't be sniffing gas anywhere...
18) Never heard of it
19) As soon as they stop spitting on our tourists and defacing tombs
20) Stop trying to impose your bullshit culture on us
21) Go to New Jersey

Obviously things are going to be different, because we have two different cultures. Damn I'm sick of European Ethnocentrism. America is a culmination of Europe's sins.

I take issue with point number 13.

You think alcohol in the US is expensive? I find it to be quite affordable. Do they give it away free in the UK?
How much is a pint of beer? Like, proper beer, not Budweiser.

well but the, you americans also think that your gas is expensive..you seem to ahve a somewhat distorted view on prices.. ;)

That gave me a good laugh. Some of the points are stupid, but some are very true...
Especially the tea one.

EDIT: Rofl so hard at the American poster above taking this seriously.

<snip>
Did you read his last line?

"Anyway, I'm not trying to bait/offend people. These are just some of the things that racked me off while I was there"

Don't take it so seriously.

Especially the tea one.
Yea, and number 21.

Agreed on all but 1, 10, 14, and 18. I'm an American.

Speaking of point 13, the most irritating thing i find at work is this:

American guy walks in...
"Hi, gimme a beer."

"..." (I wait patiently)

"You, know, a BEER?"

"yep, i know what a 'beer' is mate- what beer do you want?"

"Oh, i dunno. Something... em, just a beer thanks,"

*sigh*

"What KIND of beer?"

"Something cold..."

(By now the vein in my temple is popping...)

"do you want HEINEKEN, BUD, ERDINGER, COORS, GUINNESS, BULMERS, MILLER, CORONA, BUDVAR, SPRATEN, FRANKENHAUSER, STELLA ARTOIS....."

:mad: :mad: :mad:
The generic term 'beer' does not help ANY barman!! ARGH!

Yea, and number 21.
Yup. Which is why I usually get on with the French.

Did you read his last line?

"Anyway, I'm not trying to bait/offend people. These are just some of the things that racked me off while I was there"

Don't take it so seriously.

That wasn't my serious response. Anyway I listed my objections to his post which is why we have that handy reply button.

It's obvious that you were in New York City. As an ex-pat New Yorker, let me touch on/explain a few points.

1. American tea sucks because Americans consider tea to be something you throw into harbors and it would be a shame to waste the good stuff that way.

2. Yes, sadly, American tv sucks almost as bad as its tea. This is because television production is no longer centered in New York City where they know how to do stuff. This is true of many things America used to do better than the rest of the world, including also rock n'roll and blue jeans. Nowadays, we're only better at cocktails (but we're VERY good at cocktails ;) ).

3. When you compare firefighters to the rest of Americans, you see they are practically the only *real* men left, so naturally, they are admired.

4. The cop who told you to fuck off was being friendly. It's a traditional pleasantry in New York City, you dumbass bastard. :D

5. How do you expect Americans to stay so fat, if they don't eat? Hm??

6. I suppose the smell of one's gas depends a lot on one's diet. (See item 6, above.)

7. You don't know about Duane Reade? Man, you were lucky to escape...

8. I assume the fanciful names of British "tube" lines have to do with their points of origin or destination? Well, it would not help to do that in New York City. Nobody is going to ride the "Mouth of Hell - Ass End of Hell" line.

A few final notes:

New York City is not in America (a common misconception).
New Yorkers love to spin bullshit. :D

How much is a pint of beer? Like, proper beer, not Budweiser.
Depends where you buy it. At my Elks lodge I can get a small pitcher of premium or imported beer for only $3. At actual bars the price can be as high as $4 and change for one pint. Different bars charge different ammounts.

Depends where you buy it. At my Elks lodge I can get a small pitcher of premium or imported beer for only $3. At actual bars the price can be as high as $4 and change for one pint. Different bars charge different ammounts.
That's not that expensive. Sorta usual prices for here.

Depends where you buy it. At my Elks lodge I can get a small pitcher of premium or imported beer for only $3. At actual bars the price can be as high as $4 and change for one pint. Different bars charge different ammounts.

Oh boy, and here's me groaning about beer prices in Ireland...
In Germany (at least in my home town and the areas around it), you normally pay between 1.50 Euro - 2.50 Euros per 0.5 liter (roughly a pint)... :D

Anyway, I'm not trying to bait/offend people. These are just some of the things that racked me off while I was there, and that you will have to rectify before truly being the 'land of the free'.


Well, you don't HAVE to come here, do you? I mean, if you don't like it, stay away! And I'm afraid that we're not going to "rectify" anything just to please you personally. Sorry about that (not really).

You don't have comics in your newspapers??? How sad!

if those things annoy you.

it is always nice to be lectured by smug, self righteous morons like you. You sound like Pat Robertson without the theism.

Taking this in fun...
1. Dear God someone needs to teach you people how to make a cup of tea. A sack of filth floating in warm water is NOT TEA: it is a sack of filth floating in warm water. If any food establishment served any other drink or dish as poorly as everywhere does tea, it would be a case for outrage. Even on the occasion I got taken to a genuinely swanky restaurant, they still produced a sack of filth floating in warm water - they just charged more for it.
Tea's not a proper drink anyway, why should we care...

2. American TV.

3. American TV.

4. American TV. Most of my favourite programmes (chieflyTheWestWingbutpleasedon'tstartflamingmeforthatbecauseitdoesn'tnecessarilymeanI'maliberaljust becauseIlikeoneshow) are American, and I'd always assumed that you had it much better. But most of it is appalling. The adverts are even worse. And the news! Jesus fuckign Christ, everyone bitches on and on about CNN and Fox and which is biased, but does it really matter because they're ALL, WITHOUT RESERVE, ABYSMAL. I don't know how you can stand it.
This happens to all of us. When you're where your at you get only our best, you get here and you get all of it-most of it destined for mid-season replacement. Just remember you don't even watch most of what's on your tv shows...

5. The cult of the flag thing is really creepy. It's everywhere. It's quite a pretty flag, and it's historically important, and so on. But still, it won't actually grant seven magic wishes.
You didn't make it out our way.

6. Firefighters are brave. Absolutely. Those who have continued to work, especially those in the NYFD, after losing colleagues and friends on 9/11 are brave. But they're not fucking demi-Gods. The way people were worshipping them, it was like they'd single-handedly freed America from the British or something.
You gotta understand, of all the heroes that emerged from 9/11 firefighters are the only ones that didn't become complicated. Police still protect the rich att he expense of the poor or any number of other social issues-not everyone agrees that Iraq is a proper response to it, but firemen-they just keep running into burning buildings to save people. They are the only ones left that are uncomplicated. So they get all our love that would be conflicted in other areas. It's hard to be cyncial about fire fighters. Of all of them, your glad they exist just in case-you never find yourself going "Damn firemen..." Unless I guess your firing off bottle rockets...


7. And on the subject of 9/11, I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...
Once it stops winning people elections...

8. I am not a terrorist. If I were, I would not visit the Museum of the American Indian. You don't need to poke my bag with a stick, or smell my water, or take me aside for extra questioning when I point out how stupid smelling my water is.
What you gotta hide in your water, man?

Seriously. Wait until you start getting the "Where are you coming from, where are you going" routine on a weekly basis. And I don't fly...

9. All you policemen have big guns. Talk about overkill. If you're going to have some guns, so be it, but does everyone need them? The guys on the Staten Island ferry had guns bigger than me. Really necessary? I tried to reason with one cop, and said that if he agreed to discard his gun, I'd give him a fluffy bear with which to promote peace, love and understanding. He told me to fuck off.
They didn't always. Then some cats robbed a bank in LA and the cops had to go to a gun store just to break even. Hasn't been the same since.

10. Your portions are way too big. Not everywhere has doggie-bags, and not every dish can be doggie-bagged. I shouldn't have to deploy moles to burrow through the fries (THEY'RE CALLED CHIPS) to get to my chicken. One place gave me a slice of cake I couldn't actually lift.
You know, I'm not going to take much food criticism from a brit. Is it not deep fried enough for you? I've heard about your food....(remember, good fun...)

11. Employing illiterate staff in the hospitality industry is great: it gives them a chance of gainful employment where other businesses might reject them. But being able to read 'Do Not Disturb' is, I would say, a bare minimum.
They where hoping to catch you bonin'.

12. All this fuss about security, and yet I didn't once encounter problems with my super, super crap fake ID, despite:
- my clearly not being 21;
- it's super, super crapness;
- the fact that it spelt 'European' with an 'i'.
I mean, there were times when they were getting out microscopes for American cards, but I swear if a six-year old had crayoned a few stars on a paper napkin they'd have let them in.
With Europeans out there like Fass they probably just let it go rather than having a four hour semantic conversation insisting that i is the European and proper e or what ever-fine, go have your beer...sheesh...

13. Having said, why is alcohol so expensive? Prices weren't as bad as I'd thought they would be, although that might just be an exchange-rate thing, but alcohol was consistently exorbitant. What's the point of repealing Prohibition if you're going to impose a financial one?
You getz what you pay for. There is cheap alchohal.

14. Police sirens in the UK go niiIIiinniiIIiinniiIIii and so on. In America, they go nii-niiI-ni-niiII-nii-niiI-IT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. Why can't they just let them run, instead of stop-starting them.
Ours are ass loud. I'm glad they cut them out until they have to remind some dude to check his rear view...

15. The anti-war, anti-Bush protestors sucked. Badly. (And totally got pwned by the anti-CCP protestors.)
We've been at it soo long now we're on like our 10th string-gotta wait for the big event to get the top ones.

16. 'Cellphone' is good. 'Sidewalk' I can live with. But 'eggplant'? Come ON.
Don't understand this.

17. Your petrol (sorry, gas) smells funny.
It's got other stuff in it.

18. I'd expected to see loads of the usual chains - fine. But why was it impossible to walk ten paces without tripping a Duane Reade shop, which only seemed to sell border-line illegal muscle growth stimulants and TV magazines?
I've never even heard of that store.

19. Leave France alone. They're alright.
No kidding. It used to be fun to give France a hard time, like an uptight sibling. But now the hard right has taken the fun out of it...

20. Get some proper names for you subway lines. '1' and 'Red' don't count. 'Bakerloo', 'Victoria', 'Jubilee' - now those are names. And Washington's Metro Center subway station should have big 'don't sit on the railless wall and see how far you can lean back' signs.
I'm not remembering all that crap. We're big, we got a lot of crap. At some point you just number it.

21. You're all too nice. Seriously, it gets annoying.
Sorry dude. We dig the accent thing.

There are some good things though:
- coffee;
- air conditioning;
- comics in newspapers;
- Mexican soap operas;
- the girls at Georgetown University.
Wait till you see the California ones. They don't write those songs for nothin'.

Anyway, I'm not trying to bait/offend people. These are just some of the things that racked me off while I was there, and that you will have to rectify before truly being the 'land of the free'.
Now come one, most of that wouldn't change our freedom.

Also, you invaded Iraq.
Yeah, sorry about that.

Oh boy, and here's me groaning about beer prices in Ireland...
In Germany (at least in my home town and the areas around it), you normally pay between 1.50 Euro - 2.50 Euros per 0.5 liter (roughly a pint)... :D

Damn, it costs a weeks wages to get drunk one night!

How much is a pint of beer? Like, proper beer, not Budweiser.Budweiser is a proper beer. (not to be confused with this "bud" that is commonly falsly referred to as Budweiser)

Yeah, sorry about that.
:D

I enjoyed the laugh from reading this. Thanks.

Budweiser is a proper beer. (not to be confused with this "bud" that is commonly falsly referred to as Budweiser)

Watered-down horse piss is not a proper beer. No matter what you name it.

Budweiser is a proper beer. (not to be confused with this "bud" that is commonly falsly referred to as Budweiser)
You know which I meant (and it's also called Budweiser...) :p

How much do you pay for Cider? A half pint to a blatently underage girl in a British Country pub is just over a pound.

hilarious first post.And tea is a real drink

Ok, well clearly the alcohol thing must just be NY/DC. It was much more than that for even American beer most of the time (in bars - I don't know about in stores).

And please, stop flaming me! I'm sorry if I offended you - if so, report me for trolling. Don't care me a moron (and if you do, begin your sentence with a capital letter).

1. Safeway sells Tetley tea. I then boil the water.
Most people seem so suprised when they fnd out Safeway, Woolworths and ASDA are from America.

2. Sucks

3. Sucks

4. Did you ever notice how Fox News and Sky News both have the same reporters? And how similar Fox News Alert and Sky News Flash are? And how they are owned by the same person?

5. I have a flag somewhere...

6. Firefighters are brave. Yes.

7. Probably

8. They think 80 year old women in wheelchairs are going to hijack an airplane. Right after someoone helps them up

9. At least you survived your trip on te Staten Island Ferry.

10. We are fat, we are stupid, and we will all die of heart attacks.

11. Ha.

12. Normally, they put your ID through a machine that checks it.

13. Not really.

14. They don't start-stop. You drank too much with your fake ID

15. You went to a protest for a cause you really have no say in because you don't live here and can't vote.

16. Eggplant is a stupid name.

17. Your petrol costs 99p a litre. Ours costs 99p a gallon.

18. Why was it impossible to walk ten paces without tripping into a newsagent, which also sold mobile phones and "legal intoxicants" imported from Holland? One proudly claimed it was "Just Like Pot"

19. A French man pissed on my shoes.

20. We can't name trains in New York. They would all have names like "Harlem" "Bronx" or "Fresh Kill". This is not a way to welcome people here.

21. We're not so nice. In fact, the cop on the Staten Island Ferry told you to fuck off.

Watered-down horse piss is not a proper beer

oh and here goes me always thinking that was what beer was in any case?

Iv' got it!..there neither nice or not nice..there Machiovelian :D

I just checked my flying fuck file to see if there was anything in there on the points you made.
There wasnt.


I guess its good you dont live here. Visit, turn your nose up at us and spend your pitiful small amount of cash, then get out. We dont really care.

I enjoyed the laugh from reading this. Thanks.
Watered-down horse piss is not a proper beer. No matter what you name it.
I'm not talking about "Bud". I'm talking about real Budweiser (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budweiser_Budvar). (I'm German, so I probably won't be wrong when it comes to beer.)

I just checked my flying fuck file to see if there was anything in there on the points you made.
There wasnt.


I guess its good you dont live here. Visit, turn your nose up at us and spend your pitiful small amount of cash, then get out. We dont really care.
Jeez Carn, did you read the last point?

I'm not talking about "Bud". I'm talking about real Budweiser (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budweiser_Budvar). (I'm German, so I probably won't be wrong when it comes to beer.)


you are the masters

Yeah, I think I should scratch 21.

You know which I meant (and it's also called Budweiser...) :pI know, but I prefer referring to it as "bud" to avoid any misconceptions with the real thing.

Yeah, I think I should scratch 21.

just replace it with pretending to be nice until it suites them other wise

good list. i do, however, disagree on a few points.

1. ive had some pretty good tea. if you know where to buy it, its good. either that or your tea is just orgasmic.

2. we already have 'chips.' naming two diffrent products 'chips' would confuse us and make us cry.

3. our cops dont actually use their guns. theyre not fooling anyone.

good list. i do, however, disagree on a few points.

1. ive had some pretty good tea. if you know where to buy it, its good. either that or your tea is just orgasmic.

.

i once had a rather nice cuppa in boston..quite ironic really..

Yeah, I think I should scratch 21.Nah, I nearly got run over once, and the guy came back to see if I was alright. Now I've actually been hit in Germany while cycling, and the woman just drove off.

my flying fuck file

please do elaborate

i once had a rather nice cuppa in boston..quite ironic really..

Ironic indeed.

we already have 'chips.' naming two diffrent products 'chips' would confuse us and make us cry.
.

Yes but chips in america are crisps in britain. So they can't call crisps chips. I say we come up with 2 completely new names.

Same with Jello and Jelly.

I stumbled across a similar rant not too long ago, and I thought I would share it with you. I know it's long, but get over it and learn to read.

the link here if you'd rather read the original with formatting and such:

http://www.stephaniemiller.com/declarationofrevocation.htm



Declaration of Revocation
by John Cleese

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up “vocabulary." Using the same thirty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "uhh", "like", and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old

enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling "beer" is not actually beer at all, it is lager . From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in the Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon -- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by

adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

I stumbled across a similar rant not too long ago, and I thought I would share it with you. I know it's long, but get over it and learn to read.

the link here if you'd rather read the original with formatting and such:

http://www.stephaniemiller.com/declarationofrevocation.htm



Declaration of Revocation
by John Cleese

.

sheer brilliance

sheer brillianceDon't quote the entire thing next time... :( :( :(

Don't quote the entire thing next time... :( :( :(

sorry old boy, just sorted that out

1) Our culture drinks coffee not tea, doesn't make you better just different.
So? I can make a cup of coffee. Not just instant shit either. It's really not that difficult. And it's easier to make a proper cup of tea!

Exactly. It was the tea thing that bugged me most of all.

your all going on about how much beer cost's ? i pay about €3.00 for a pint of Guinness, and anything between €3.80 to €4.20 for a beer like Heineken or Budweiser ( yea like i would drink that anyway lol it's so bad , also fosters is bad too). So yea that's what i pay in a Pub here in the Republic of Ireland, and even with those prices we have the one of highest rates of beer/alcohol drinking in the world YAY. Anyway we all know Europeans are the best drinkers in the world ( the world cup next year will show that ) I mean you put Germans , Irish, British , Belgians , Dutch, East Europeans ( and the rest )in bar and they will drink it dry .

... Anyway we all know Europeans are the best drinkers in the world ( the world cup next year will show that ) I mean you put Germans , Irish, British , Belgians , Dutch, East Europeans ( and the rest )in bar and they will drink it dry .From what I've heard while touring Dublin is that the Irish hold a very high place in the ranking of alcohol consumption per capita. Now Ireland also has one of the highest rates of abstainers where alcoholic beverages are concerned (makes you think about how much the rest have to drink to make up for that ;))

sheer brilliance
i'll say.

theres nothing especialy free about america,now france THERES A FREE COUNTRY (not trying to ofend :D )

So? I can make a cup of coffee. Not just instant shit either. It's really not that difficult. And it's easier to make a proper cup of tea!
i tried to make a cup of coffee (not instant crap the real stuff) and i burnt my self on the perculator thingy and it tasted like thik brown vomit...il stik to tea an the instant crap

@ jeefs: so you finally worked out what free meant? nice work, in such short time..:D

@ piena: that was HILARIOUS!!!!!

I might as well address this because I am part of an elite group of americans that have actually traveled off this continent to places that were not resorts nor was in the military at the time. Just traveled. So here goes...

1) Tes does suck here, you're right.
2) American TV sucks, but so does Television in general.
3) See 2
4) C'mon, the West Wing sucked after Season one.
5) Americans love to worship symbols. The flag is one of them. I really think it's just an opportunity to act like big shots (like when we don't dip the flag out of respect at the Olympics) but there it is. It's also so prevalent to remind the dumber americans that there are 50 states in case they forget Alaska or Hawaii.
6) You're right
7) You're right
8) I don't know if you are a terrorist or not, but there is a lot of profiling in America. I went to a bar with my friend (who is black, while I'm white). I stopped to tie my shoe, so he was ahead of me. The bouncer IDed him and gave him a hard time. I pulled out my ID and said "We only do that to keep the riff-raff out". I replied, "That riff-raff happens to be my best friend you racist jackass." The drinks were free after I said I was a lawyer with the ACLU (which I'm not).
9) Yes...because we are idiots and think if the police have guns and everyone has guns we are safer. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
10) You're right (but that are called fries, chips come in bags).
11) You must have been in the south...there is a high illiteracy rate there.
12) IF you are female that isn't surprising. If you are male, consider that the average bouncer can't figure out an out of state ID musch less out of country. Where I live we all had fake Canadian IDs and it worked.
13) Alcohol is much more expensive in countries like Sweden and Finland.
14) Euro police sirens are much more annoying...they don't stop.
15) Protestors are usually the lowest on the "Fight the System" totem pole. They are usually sheep that don't know what to do with their ample time and require a cause.
16) Mobile is better, sidewalk is fine, eggplant we didn't do.
17) That's because of the detergents that are supposed to clean your engine but actually cause it to corrode so that you need a new car sooner and thereby supports our car manufacturers.
18) I have never heard of the shop you refer to.
19) France is ok with most Americans that don't support Bush.
20) No comment
21) It isn't real nice. We're faking it because no one understands your accent :)

That's that...as far as the Iraq thing...I didn't support that one...

Most people seem so suprised when they fnd out Safeway, Woolworths and ASDA are from America.

Now hold on a sec, Safeway and Woolworths I'll grant you, but Asda, although owned by an American company, is homegrown British. The cheek of it! :)

How much do you pay for Cider? A half pint to a blatently underage girl in a British Country pub is just over a pound.

What sort of Cider ya mean the water down stuff or real Zider

Now hold on a sec, Safeway and Woolworths I'll grant you, but Asda, although owned by an American company, is homegrown British. The cheek of it! :)
Was gonig to mention about that too

You know what I hate about the British?

- They think that showering twice a week is ok.
- They are too fussy about tea and football.
- In fact, they're too fussy about everything.
- They keep calling the US America and then get offended if you call them English.
- The Spice Girls. What the heck was that?

Skimmed through this so I don't know if anyone already mentioned it, but hasn't this been done on The Simpsons? Homer let German college students stay at his house. One of them were listing problems with the US like 'Problem number 32 with America... No Universal Healthcare! What is this - the time of Charlemagne?!' .. etc.

please do elaborate


Thats where I would keep record of something I cared about. Or gave a flying fuck about.

Skimmed through this so I don't know if anyone already mentioned it, but hasn't this been done on The Simpsons? Homer let German college students stay at his house. One of them were listing problems with the US like 'Problem number 32 with America... No Universal Healthcare! What is this - the time of Charlemagne?!' .. etc.

And when Homer threw them out and they squealed "Oh no, who will we annoy now?"

14. Police sirens in the UK go niiIIiinniiIIiinniiIIii and so on. In America, they go nii-niiI-ni-niiII-nii-niiI-IT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. Why can't they just let them run, instead of stop-starting them.




lol, i think you've got that one backwards

And when Homer threw them out and they squealed "Oh no, who will we annoy now?"
Haha. They made him sing '99 Luftballons'.

21. You're all too nice. Seriously, it gets annoying.

Do you want us to STOP being nice?

I'll take a more thorough look at everything else you listed later on. (I'll call them fries if I want to!)

~ Romandeos.

- They think that showering twice a week is ok.
- They are too fussy about tea and football.
- In fact, they're too fussy about everything.
- They keep calling the US America and then get offended if you call them English.
- The Spice Girls. What the heck was that?

1) It is. Washing your hair more than that dries it out.
2) I prefer coffee to tea, really (though I'm trying tpo aquire a taste for tea...) and don't generally watch football. Cricket, or the other hand...
3) Not really.
4) The English aren't offended by being called English - the Irish, Scottish Welsh and Cornish are. Basically, all the Celtic parts that don't want to be assossiated with the Anglo's.
5) It was 1997!

(Hey, someone replied to the other ones...)

The best thing about America is that we don't really care what anyone else thinks. Screw 'em.

Most people seem so suprised when they fnd out Safeway, Woolworths and ASDA are from America.
ASDA being British has already been pointed out...and Safeway has been taken over by Morrisons now, which is English.

The best thing about America is that we don't really care what anyone else thinks. Screw 'em.

Basically, no, most of us don't seem to care about foreign opinions, myself included, but I still like having a good argument sometimes with those who badmouth my country, mostly for lack of anything better to do.

~ Romandeos

mostly for lack of anything better to do.

Same.

1) We drink coffee or ICED Tea get over it, if I get a crappy cup of Joe in England I won't bitch.
2) Yeah we get it watch HBO or Showtime
5) It's not a Cult we actually are patriotic you're a guest here, so when in Rome.
6)Dude they run INTO danger, to save people like YOU, so talk smack about the FD at your own risk.
7)Yeah we hold grudges and probably will piss and moan about 9/11 until there is a new building to fill the void ....then we'll bitch about it.
8)Ok now your just being dumb, or niave alcohol is clear and is great for starting fires, and how many tours especially school tours go to museums?
9)Cops carry small guns .40 or 9mm. I carry a .45 that is big gun, my brother in law has a .50ae that is a HUGE gun...Europeans don't understand American gun culture never have they never will, like we don't get Test Cricket.
10) wimp (and in this country they are fries ..you can call then whatever the fudge you want to in England but here they're fries)
11) That's why doors lock
12) If your talking about geting into a bar, bouncers only want to be able to explain it to the liquor board so almost any id will do ...That being said bouncers are a paid a reward for every fake NYS ID they confiscate.
13) Did you buy alcohol...then it wasn't too expensive..it's a free market.
Also go to a lower class of bar there ar still places where you can get a draft and a shot for a Dollar, be glad you didn't go to a place with a $40.00 cover and $15.00 drinks.
14) We do that to bother the Brits
15) So, and ?
16) You don't like Eggplant ???
17) Quit friggin huffin it!
18)???
19) Fine
20)Whatever, we like to get strangers lost.
21) You have an accent so we know you're "company" so we were being nice.


snip
Anyway, I'm not trying to bait/offend people. These are just some of the things that racked me off while I was there, and that you will have to rectify before truly being the 'land of the free'.

Also, you invaded Iraq.

10. Your portions are way too big. Not everywhere has doggie-bags, and not every dish can be doggie-bagged. I shouldn't have to deploy moles to burrow through the fries (THEY'RE CALLED CHIPS) to get to my chicken. One place gave me a slice of cake I couldn't actually lift.

what the hell is wrong with getting large portions? Cripes, I'd rather eat until I'm full and still have some food left on my plate... than to get some dinky little croissant for $7 and feel like i've just eaten a light snack.

and re: 13

you should have tried to drink at a bar during happy hour... where you can get half-way decent deals like 2-for-1 draft or bottled beer, half-price mixers, etc.

Nice ad homenims, Gurenburg.

1) It is. Washing your hair more than that dries it out.
2) I prefer coffee to tea, really (though I'm trying tpo aquire a taste for tea...) and don't generally watch football. Cricket, or the other hand...
3) Not really.
4) The English aren't offended by being called English - the Irish, Scottish Welsh and Cornish are. Basically, all the Celtic parts that don't want to be assossiated with the Anglo's.
5) It was 1997!

1) If it does you're doing something horribly wrong. At least try shampoo.
2) I didn't say you you.
3) Sure you are. "They're trying to take away our inches," "They're trying to take away our pound sterling," "They're trying to take away our fox hunting," "They're trying to take away our Falklands." Fussy, fussy, fussy.
4) The English are happy with being called Welsh then.
5) What? That was the year of no taste at all?

what the hell is wrong with getting large portions? Cripes, I'd rather eat until I'm full and still have some food left on my plate... than to get some dinky little croissant for $7 and feel like i've just eaten a light snack.

Imagine complaining that you get too much food for your money? Ever eaten in a country outside the US? Its like a fucking freak show. Except Italy. I could eat there without a problem.

Stop bitching you little pussy, if you care so much do something about it.

1. I would love to rally to my countries cause in this issue..but its true, we cant make a decent cup of tea to save our asses.
Why? Mainly becuase were a bunch of coffee drinkers.

2. American TV. I dont watch much of it myself....but cartoon netowrk and Family Guy are the equal of anything the "Beeb" ever produced.

3. American TV.

4. American TV. Most of my favourite programmes (chieflyTheWestWingbutpleasedon'tstartflamingmeforthatbecauseitdoesn'tnecessarilymeanI'maliberaljust becauseIlikeoneshow) are American, and I'd always assumed that you had it much better. But most of it is appalling. The adverts are even worse. And the news! Jesus fuckign Christ, everyone bitches on and on about CNN and Fox and which is biased, but does it really matter because they're ALL, WITHOUT RESERVE, ABYSMAL. I don't know how you can stand it.

Im not sure how we stand it either, but you did happen to spell "abyssmal" wrong, I beilieve.
I could be wrong.

5. The cult of the flag thing is really creepy. It's everywhere. It's quite a pretty flag, and it's historically important, and so on. But still, it won't actually grant seven magic wishes.

You aint kidding.
It gets scary sometimes. Half this nation are so blinded to the actions of our government that they would willingly watch its leader murder children, all in the name of Patriotism.

6. Firefighters are brave. Absolutely. Those who have continued to work, especially those in the NYFD, after losing colleagues and friends on 9/11 are brave. But they're not fucking demi-Gods. The way people were worshipping them, it was like they'd single-handedly freed America from the British or something.

Its the 9-11 thing.
Since then we have an enormous respect for our Firefighters.
Its probably a good thing we do have such respect, becuase we pay them shit.

7. And on the subject of 9/11, I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...

I Agree.
But you know what it is?
Its fear.
See, for a very long time now, we thought we were invulnerable.
We never really had to worry about that kind of thing, and now we realize the we are equally as vulnerable as any other nation, so basically, some of us
constantly obsess about 9/11 and it implications.

8. I am not a terrorist. If I were, I would not visit the Museum of the American Indian. You don't need to poke my bag with a stick, or smell my water, or take me aside for extra questioning when I point out how stupid smelling my water is.

If I were to poke your bag with a stick, I would certainly not smell your water.
Im not really even sure what you mean...but Im not into bag poking, or water smelling.

9. All you policemen have big guns. Talk about overkill. If you're going to have some guns, so be it, but does everyone need them? The guys on the Staten Island ferry had guns bigger than me. Really necessary? I tried to reason with one cop, and said that if he agreed to discard his gun, I'd give him a fluffy bear with which to promote peace, love and understanding. He told me to fuck off.

See, our police must have big guns, becuase they have very small penises, and it helps them to feel important, and fully capable.
Also, our criminals have big guns too, (probably small penises again) and its a good idea to have our police armed to the teeth.
All those bullets and small penises really can cuase trouble.

10. Your portions are way too big. Not everywhere has doggie-bags, and not every dish can be doggie-bagged. I shouldn't have to deploy moles to burrow through the fries (THEY'RE CALLED CHIPS)

Philistine!
They are called "fries".
"Chips" are potato slices, boiled in oil, and stuffed in a bag, and sold in corner stores.

"chips", are also what Buffaloes leave on the ground, so, if you would like some buffalo feces to go with your fish, help yourself.



I'm out of time, so I will playfully address the rest of your Limey silliness soon.
]

I'm an American and I still think this is funny as hell. You people taking it so personally only add to the humor.

And I heartily agree about the American TV bit. Nearly all of it sucks, and only the shows that have been cancelled are still watchable. Sigh, reruns.

Although... Hey. If you've got so much food you'd need to have an unhingeable jaw to eat it all, why not sell what you don't eat? When in Rome...

12 good reasons to hate France and french people!

1. Nuclear bombing of Mururoa
2. Prohibiting crypting in the net and elsewhere
3. Their "cars" freeze in cold climate! Doors won't open, battery freezes, heating systems suck, etc. They don't know anything about winter!
4. Their "food" causes diarrhoea (diarrhea for you stupid yanks and your perverse "english"!)
5. Their wine, which is like stagnant sewer water. They export that piss and ask a high price of it!
6. Their "language", that they think is so great that no other languages should be used anywhere! I hope they forbid french language in Finland.
7. Their "music" is just AWFUL!
8. Their stupid TV channels which defile the cables even here in Finland!
9. Stupid soft porno on their TV
10. They don't wash their teeth - they expend the lowest amount of toothbrushes per person in Europe!
11. Slimy french gigolos, only greek and spanish ones are even MORE repulsive!
12. For some reason they take great pride in the meaningless massacre they call "le grande revolution".

1. Dear God someone needs to teach you people how to make a cup of tea. A sack of filth floating in warm water is NOT TEA: it is a sack of filth floating in warm water. If any food establishment served any other drink or dish as poorly as everywhere does tea, it would be a case for outrage. Even on the occasion I got taken to a genuinely swanky restaurant, they still produced a sack of filth floating in warm water - they just charged more for it.
first of all, we have no interest in taking a break to drink some feminine beverage out of a fragile cup whilst we gossip . about the weather.we would rather pour a cup of nasty black coffee and drink it out of a styrofoam cup while we discuss killing foreingers. plus, you were in NY. all they care about is hotdogs, baseball, and traffic. in that order. here in los angeles, you can get a silver tea ball and some loose leaf earl grey for 12 bucks at trader joes.
2. American TV. television here is getting worse on purpose. we would like to further turn off the few intellectuals that we do have so they, i dunno, perhaps stop staring at the box, get educated and try and make a difference.
3. American TV. also, we hope all the idiots that do watch it all day, save the nature shows, will get the idea to go on jerry springer, and killl each other. call it a closet eugenics program in the making, if you will.
4. American TV. Most of my favourite programmes (chieflyTheWestWingbutpleasedon'tstartflamingmeforthatbecauseitdoesn'tnecessarilymeanI'maliberaljust becauseIlikeoneshow) are American, and I'd always assumed that you had it much better. But most of it is appalling. The adverts are even worse. And the news! Jesus fuckign Christ, everyone bitches on and on about CNN and Fox and which is biased, but does it really matter because they're ALL, WITHOUT RESERVE, ABYSMAL. I don't know how you can stand it.the people that count, dont stand it. they read books. and why the hell did you come here to watch television????? didnt you go see the statue of liberty for christs sake?
5. The cult of the flag thing is really creepy. It's everywhere. It's quite a pretty flag, and it's historically important, and so on. But still, it won't actually grant seven magic wishes. you are just jealous your flag isnt as artistic. plus, we have other things to worship, silly. like professional sports players, and soap opera celebrities.
6. Firefighters are brave. Absolutely. Those who have continued to work, especially those in the NYFD, after losing colleagues and friends on 9/11 are brave. But they're not fucking demi-Gods. The way people were worshipping them, it was like they'd single-handedly freed America from the British or something.
all i have to say, if you are british, you really should rethink this one. at least we admired people who save people , and stop stuff from blowing up. based on the condition of people in UK you people should be worshipping DENTISTS.
7. And on the subject of 9/11, I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...as soon as you guys get over the revolutionary war.
8. I am not a terrorist. If I were, I would not visit the Museum of the American Indian. You don't need to poke my bag with a stick, or smell my water, or take me aside for extra questioning when I point out how stupid smelling my water is. oh please. you were just hassled because you most likely looked like you were actually going to appreciate the Native American. god knows no americans do.
9. All you policemen have big guns. Talk about overkill. If you're going to have some guns, so be it, but does everyone need them? The guys on the Staten Island ferry had guns bigger than me. Really necessary? I tried to reason with one cop, and said that if he agreed to discard his gun, I'd give him a fluffy bear with which to promote peace, love and understanding. He told me to fuck off. you just have penis envy.plus, this coming from a person who hails from a country were the men in charge of defending the law and keepiing the peace are called BOBBIES, and were hats reminiscent of Jaqueline Onassis
10. Your portions are way too big. Not everywhere has doggie-bags, and not every dish can be doggie-bagged. I shouldn't have to deploy moles to burrow through the fries (THEY'RE CALLED CHIPS) to get to my chicken. One place gave me a slice of cake I couldn't actually lift. portions are bigger, because the FOOD IS BETTER. i mean, go to London, andwho the hell wants to take home a boiled hamburger? even my dog would not touch that.

11. Employing illiterate staff in the hospitality industry is great: it gives them a chance of gainful employment where other businesses might reject them. But being able to read 'Do Not Disturb' is, I would say, a bare minimum. again, you have to remember, we hate foreign people. there are four locks on your hotel room door because the hotel owners think the spanish speaking maids are going to rob you, and have their drug dealing boyfriends shoot you in the head.
12. All this fuss about security, and yet I didn't once encounter problems with my super, super crap fake ID, despite:
- my clearly not being 21;
- its super, super crapness;
- the fact that it spelt 'European' with an 'i'.
I mean, there were times when they were getting out microscopes for American cards, but I swear if a six-year old had crayoned a few stars on a paper napkin they'd have let them in. thats because we welcome an English youth drinking himself to death and getting stabbed in the alley. cheers.
13. Having said, why is alcohol so expensive? Prices weren't as bad as I'd thought they would be, although that might just be an exchange-rate thing, but alcohol was consistently exorbitant. What's the point of repealing Prohibition if you're going to impose a financial one? because, we give poor people crack and meth to smoke for really cheap. we have to make an addiction appealling to the wealthy.
14. Police sirens in the UK go niiIIiinniiIIiinniiIIii and so on. In America, they go nii-niiI-ni-niiII-nii-niiI-IT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. Why can't they just let them run, instead of stop-starting them. another easy one in New York. the cops want the innocent black/hispanic/islamic guy they are harrassing for no reason to stop when the sirens first sound. then , they stop them, and he thinks "oh! must not be for me!" then, when he starts walking, we shoot him dead for running from the police and resisting arrest.
15. The anti-war, anti-Bush protestors sucked. Badly. (And totally got pwned by the anti-CCP protestors.) they were just afriad of getting killed by the NYC police for some law violation.16. 'Cellphone' is good. 'Sidewalk' I can live with. But 'eggplant'? Come ON.
17. Your petrol (sorry, gas) smells funny. you came here, and sniffed gasoline?? we dont want your kind moving to the US. thats a strange drug of choice. good thing you were only visiting. next time, try the cocaine.
18. I'd expected to see loads of the usual chains - fine. But why was it impossible to walk ten paces without tripping a Duane Reade shop, which only seemed to sell border-line illegal muscle growth stimulants and TV magazines? every country needs roid rage, and super skinny faked tanned citizens.
19. Leave France alone. They're alright. only because they are as wimpy as you. we got what we want from them. FRENCH FRIES. in fact , the only reason we still befriend the British is we are waiting to get something GOOD and USEFUL out of them. the day that happens, kiss us goodbye.
20. Get some proper names for you subway lines. '1' and 'Red' don't count. 'Bakerloo', 'Victoria', 'Jubilee' - now those are names. And Washington's Metro Center subway station should have big 'don't sit on the railless wall and see how far you can lean back' signs. havent you figured out things are simple here? sorry we cant romanticize our public transit system. we would rather have extra marital sex and blame it on the federal government somehow.
21. You're all too nice. Seriously, it gets annoying. nice, as opposed to acting stuck up and prissy, when you having nothing to reason for that attitude??and obviously, you didnt go to the right places in NYC or DC. there are some real rude people who will kill you for your dime store watch, then kill the guy behind you because yours wasnt worth enough.
There are some good things though:
- coffee;your country is really bad off if they havent mastered coffee yet, buddy. - air conditioning;yeah. any third worlder would love that.
- comics in newspapers; thats because you are sick of the bagged out prostitute on Page three, right?
- Mexican soap operas; whatever.
- the girls at Georgetown University.they only liked you for your accent
Anyway, I'm not trying to bait/offend people. These are just some of the things that racked me off while I was there, and that you will have to rectify before truly being the 'land of the free'.

Also, you invaded Iraq. read the overwhelming theme above, about the distrust of hatred of foreigners. just wait and see who is next

1) If it does you're doing something horribly wrong. At least try shampoo.
2) I didn't say you you.
3) Sure you are. "They're trying to take away our inches," "They're trying to take away our pound sterling," "They're trying to take away our fox hunting," "They're trying to take away our Falklands." Fussy, fussy, fussy.
4) The English are happy with being called Welsh then.
5) What? That was the year of no taste at all?

1) We do have shampoo.
2) Who's 'they'? We use inches and metric together (though not at the same time), our pound sterling is the best, duh, course we want to keep it, The ban on Fox Hu8nting is utterly rediculous (Bloody Townies), and what's this about the scots islands?
4) Eh? No-one says that we're Welsh...
5) Probably.

1) We do have shampoo.
2) Who's 'they'? We use inches and metric together (though not at the same time), our pound sterling is the best, duh, course we want to keep it, The ban on Fox Hu8nting is utterly rediculous (Bloody Townies), and what's this about the scots islands?
4) Eh? No-one says that we're Welsh...
5) Probably.
1) Shower daily and use it, then.
2) You skipped this one.
3) See? Fuss, fuss, fuss.
4) I do. Sure look the same from here.
5) Judging by the looks of things.

ha...that list was great. But out of procrastination, I'm gonna respond. Keep in mind, I mean this in the same tone as your list...jokingly.
1. Psh. Tea. Yeah, we can't make it well. Blame it on the tea tax all those years ago.

2-3-4. Yeah, American TV sucks. But so does pretty much every nations TV. If I see one more reality show or game show, I'm going to scream. And most of them are British imports. HBO is usually good tho.

5. Agreed. I think its a nice flag. I have no need, however, to bow down and worship it.

6. They're one of the few respectable groups left.

7. We're mostly over it...except for Bush and his cronies.

8. Alright, so we're overly cautious. Smelling the water only happened to me once, and that was because they thought it might be vodka (it was). Other than that...*shrug*

9. "Fuck off" is a new york way to say "How are you, I hope you have a sparkling day". Now, if he had given you the finger too, then he really liked you.

10. I'd prefer paying moderate prices for lots of food instead of moderate prices for tiny portions. Plus, leftovers save me from cooking for a day. Also, they are fries. Chips come in annoyingly crinkly little bags. Crisps are made out of soy and taste like cardboard.

11. they know what it says. They just want a free show.

12. My sister (white) has used an ID that had a picture of a black girl. And it worked. Several times. And this is in Boston, where they tend to be very strict.

13. Because they can. It is the american way.

14. Its so we can see the brits cringe.

15. *shrug* both sides are filled with idiots who think they're accomplishing something. 99% of them are just sitting there and would do better to actually do something.

16. huh?

17. why are you smelling the gas?

18. never heard of it

19. for the french: :fluffle:
leave it to the extreme right to take all the fun out of good ol' ethnocentrism

20. I go to school in Boston. Personally, I find remembering the colors/letters of the T much easier than names. I live on the Green B line. My sister is on the Green E line (They all merge at Kenmore Sq.). However, I have no clue when I am supposed to take the Alewife/Braintree red line or whatever that other red line is. (Oh, its Mattapan)

21. I'm pretty sure most of the Americans responding to this list have erased all doubt that we aren't "too" nice. I think its just the accent that makes us behave.

ASDA being British has already been pointed out...and Safeway has been taken over by Morrisons now, which is English.

ASDA is wal-mart.

Anyone watch "Don't get me started" earlier?

I'm not talking about "Bud". I'm talking about real Budweiser (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Budweiser_Budvar). (I'm German, so I probably won't be wrong when it comes to beer.)

Sorry, but now you have the bad version being more associated with it. Maybe change the name of it to Real Budweiser.

This is so funny! :p

The whole thing. The original post. But the responses from so many american patriots, none of which understand irony at all and fail to see that by responding they have failed in accomplishing the counter effect that they hope for.

Really if you weren't all as ethnocentric as the original poster then this thread would have no citing of a particular culture at all.
You're all as pathetic as each other. :headbang:

Depends where you buy it. At my Elks lodge I can get a small pitcher of premium or imported beer for only $3. At actual bars the price can be as high as $4 and change for one pint. Different bars charge different ammounts.

a pint of fresh Guinness or Bass is $4.75 at my tavern in Nashville

before you jump to any conclusions, the place does $1.50 domestic draft (Bud, Shiner, Bud Light, Miller Light, etc.) pints during happy hour... they're $2 before/after happy hour.

21 Things that Piss me off about Britian ;)

1. Dear God someone needs to teach you people how to make somthing besides Fish and Chips... Does EVERYTHING have to be boiled and served with mint sauce?

2. BBC 1.

3. BBC 2.

4. BBC 3. Most of my favourite programmes are British, but they were also cancelled years ago and are now only on weird public access & or PBS. I'd always assumed that you had it much better - since you are FORCED to pay for it, But most of it is appalling - though some of the adverts are good. I don't know how you can stand it.

5. The cult of Royals thing is really creepy. It's everywhere. It's quite a pretty family, and it's historically important, and so on. But still, it won't actually grant seven magic wishes.

6. You have too many political parties - "Monster Screaming Loon Party"?!? I mean, really... Though I suppose it's better than voting UKIP or Socialist...

7. And on the subject of losing "the Colonies", I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...

8. I am not a hooligan. If I were, I would not visit the Tower, Baker Street or Westminster. You don't need to refuse me a Pint unless I take away my Burbury.

9. Few of your policemen have big guns. Talk about asking for trouble! No wonder the Chavs are winning!

10. Your portions are way too big. What should I be doing with all this inedible boiled meat? No wonder you go out for Curries.

11. The Dole is great: it gives punks and chavs them a chance to lay about the Tube asking for a fag or a quid where other countries might reject and/or arrest them.

12. All this fuss about how bad weapons are, and yet I didn't once encounter problems with the CZ50 tucked discretely under my shirt... I mean, there were times when they were getting out microscopes for Chavs with beer mugs, but I swear nobody gave me a second look... even around Whitehall or Buckingham...

13. Why is petrol so expensive? Prices weren't as bad as I'd thought they would be, although that might just be an exchange-rate thing, but petrol was consistently exorbitant. What's the point of having Motorways if you're going to make it too expensive to drive?

14. Police sirens in the UK go niiIIiinniiIIiinniiIIii - IT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING - when you can actually hear it over your stereo, it sounds like a broken alarm clock. In America, they go nii-niiI-ni-niiII-nii-niiI. More robust - like an Air Raid siren. Get's your attention

15. The anti-war, anti-Thatcher protestors sucked. Badly. (Tells you how long it's been since I was in London... :rolleyes: )

16. 'Lorry' is good. 'Chips' I can live with. But 'moving staircase'? Come ON.

17. Your gas (sorry, petrol) smells funny.

18. I'd expected to see quaint London shops - not loads of the usual chains

19. Leave Scotland alone. They're alright.

20. Get some proper names for you roadways. 'M1' and 'M4' don't count. 'Chicago Loop', 'Edens Expressway', 'DC Beltway' - now those are names.

And
21. You're all too British. Seriously, it gets annoying.

There are some good things though:
- tea;
- Stout;
- breasts in newspapers;
- Leicster Square;
- the girls at the Uni clubs

These are just some of the that you will have to rectify before truly being the 'land of the... err, I guess you will always be Subjects regardless... nevermind! :D

Also, you invaded the Falklands ;)

21 Things that Piss me off about Britian ;)

SNIP

Now that was the first ½-good one! Hard to believe so many people took the 1st post THAT seriously.

Hilarious still...

Lol at all the ultra nationalists like Carn taking it all seriously. Guess all that blind worship of a country they probably have never even left replaced their sense of humour, eh?

This is so funny! :p

The whole thing. The original post. But the responses from so many american patriots, none of which understand irony at all and fail to see that by responding they have failed in accomplishing the counter effect that they hope for.

Really if you weren't all as ethnocentric as the original poster then this thread would have no citing of a particular culture at all.
You're all as pathetic as each other. :headbang:
oh please. most of us kidded him right back. my post, referenced here....
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9673445&postcount=86
is but one example. you just didnt get the american humor. as usual.

oh please. most of us kidded him right back. my post, referenced here....
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9673445&postcount=86
is but one example. you just didnt get the american humor. as usual.

Wow! I don't remember saying your name within my post at all.

There are plenty of people that are being serious on this thread from both sides. Those are who I was referring to.

a pint of fresh Guinness or Bass is $4.75 at my tavern in Nashville

before you jump to any conclusions, the place does $1.50 domestic draft (Bud, Shiner, Bud Light, Miller Light, etc.) pints during happy hour... they're $2 before/after happy hour.
Yep, sounds about right. $4 and change. Some places are a little cheaper.

<snip>
Declaration of Revocation
by John Cleese
<snip>
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

At least His Tallness is letting me keep MY guns... (and I actually agree with him on the bold bits...)

As a history buff, polticial scientist and a Canadian there are many things that annoy the hell out of me about the US:
1) One on one Americans are usually okay but in groups they due tend to get rude.
2) Allowing a president to steal an election then re-electing him still baffles me. IMPEACH THE BASTARD ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get rid of Bush and you can get rid of the real power the evil Carl Rove.
3) Money ain't everything.
4) Stop basing your voting on the opinions of uninformed actors. DOH!!!!!
5) Stop breaking international laws and treaties. Stop screwing Canada over it's softwood lumber!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enough raving for now. The US does make good movies!! ;) :p

I had some real Budweiser in Prague... and it was good.

As a history buff, polticial scientist and a Canadian there are many things that annoy the hell out of me about the US:
1) One on one Americans are usually okay but in groups they due tend to get rude.
2) Allowing a president to steal an election then re-electing him still baffles me. IMPEACH THE BASTARD ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get rid of Bush and you can get rid of the real power the evil Carl Rove.
3) Money ain't everything.
4) Stop basing your voting on the opinions of uninformed actors. DOH!!!!!
5) Stop breaking international laws and treaties. Stop screwing Canada over it's softwood lumber!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enough raving for now. The US does make good movies!! ;) :p

2)he didn't steal the first one... Gore tried to circumvent Florida election law to steal it. Florida election law was with Bush -- they were not to count the votes past a certain date unless an "act of God" took place. So the e4xtended recount, which still had Bush winning Florida, should not have been allowed to take place per Florida law. (wasn't sure if you'd heard that side of it, so I figured I'd supply it)

The generic term 'beer' does not help ANY barman!! ARGH!
well just be sensible about it, and sell them the most expensive one you have behind the bar! :D

{snip}
9. All you policemen have big guns. Talk about overkill. If you're going to have some guns, so be it, but does everyone need them? The guys on the Staten Island ferry had guns bigger than me. Really necessary? I tried to reason with one cop, and said that if he agreed to discard his gun, I'd give him a fluffy bear with which to promote peace, love and understanding. He told me to fuck off.
{snip}

While I do not wish to imply that you are lying, I am unable to reconcile this behavior with what is known about American law enforcement.
An American policeman would never tell someone to fuck off. They just might ignore you. Maybe. They might quietly pull you inside a dark alley & beat some sense into you. They might "flag" you for the local criminal element & *then* ignore you. They just wouldn't tell you to fuck off. They get in big trouble for that sort of thing.
Are you *sure* it was a policeman?

While I do not wish to imply that you are lying, I am unable to reconcile this behavior with what is known about American law enforcement.
An American policeman would never tell someone to fuck off. They just might ignore you. Maybe. They might quietly pull you inside a dark alley & beat some sense into you. They might "flag" you for the local criminal element & *then* ignore you. They just wouldn't tell you to fuck off. They get in big trouble for that sort of thing.
Are you *sure* it was a policeman?
Oh, I don't know. Sounds pretty much like a NY Transit (Ferry) Cop to me. As said before - "Fuck Off" is a pleasantry in NYC... especially when being addressed by someone who is being a smart-arse.

(And the Lyrans PWN the WYN... pthblth!) :D

It's obvious that you were in New York City. As an ex-pat New Yorker, let me touch on/explain a few points.

1. American tea sucks because Americans consider tea to be something you throw into harbors and it would be a shame to waste the good stuff that way.

2. Yes, sadly, American tv sucks almost as bad as its tea. This is because television production is no longer centered in New York City where they know how to do stuff. This is true of many things America used to do better than the rest of the world, including also rock n'roll and blue jeans. Nowadays, we're only better at cocktails (but we're VERY good at cocktails ;) ).

3. When you compare firefighters to the rest of Americans, you see they are practically the only *real* men left, so naturally, they are admired.

4. The cop who told you to fuck off was being friendly. It's a traditional pleasantry in New York City, you dumbass bastard. :D

5. How do you expect Americans to stay so fat, if they don't eat? Hm??

6. I suppose the smell of one's gas depends a lot on one's diet. (See item 6, above.)

7. You don't know about Duane Reade? Man, you were lucky to escape...

8. I assume the fanciful names of British "tube" lines have to do with their points of origin or destination? Well, it would not help to do that in New York City. Nobody is going to ride the "Mouth of Hell - Ass End of Hell" line.

A few final notes:

New York City is not in America (a common misconception).
New Yorkers love to spin bullshit. :D
:D lol

{snip}
(And the Lyrans PWN the WYN... pthblth!) :D
;)

1) Our culture drinks coffee not tea, doesn't make you better just different.
2) Family Guy
3) Wow what an insightful observation.
4) Don't like it, don't watch it. Read the NY Times everyday like I do.
5) God forbid we domestrate national pride
6) The world needs heros and they're the closest ones we have
7) Actually we have gotten over it. Except for the people who had loved ones die, god forbid a family should mourn the loss of someone they miss.
8) Safety first Ahkmed
9) Ever see the Bank of Hollywood robbery, that's why now go fuck off hippy ;)
10) I can't understand that, something about food.
11) Wow, that's so terrible. Must be America's fault
12) Never know when those terrorists might bomb a strip club
13) I don't drink, it can be a disgusting vice.
14) ...shut the hell up please
15) Why didn't you protest?
16) WTF are you talknig about?
17) You really shouldn't be sniffing gas anywhere...
18) Never heard of it
19) As soon as they stop spitting on our tourists and defacing tombs
20) Stop trying to impose your bullshit culture on us
21) Go to New Jersey

Obviously things are going to be different, because we have two different cultures. Damn I'm sick of European Ethnocentrism. America is a culmination of Europe's sins.

You yanks really cant take anything lightheartedly. I suppose thats why we brits are supperior to you in every way :)

You yanks really cant take anything lightheartedly. I suppose thats why we brits are supperior to you in every way :)
There's so many things wrong with that statement it just gives it away that it's just a joke.

1. Don't like Tea or Cofee. More of a Soda guy myself
2. Eh. I mostly play games.
3. Repeat from above ^
4. I don't really watch the news. Nothing really important happens around me.
5. The flag is a national symbol. Granted it could be edited a little bit, but thats not really my call.
6. Some of my best friends were firefighters. Hell, i was even friends with a Fire Cheif. But do i worship them? no.
7. 9/11 will live in the hearts of people who lost someone there. Granted many people will forget, but some people will never forget.
8. Havent been out of the nation since 8th grade (almost 7 years ago) so i have no comment about this one.
9. Havent been to any major cities except Chicago. And i didn't see anyone with big guns there. Just police issue handguns.
10. Come on, if i can finish a huge plate of spagetti, then anyone can. (Note: I have italian blood in me)
11. Last time i was in the hospital was an ER visit. I was in and out within 2 hours.
12. Yeah. Never had a fake ID.
13. Well. I have a few theories about this. But the major one is that there is a drinking problem in several parts of the nation. Where i live is considered the #1 Binge Drinking Town in the whole US. So raising prices of booze is a way of making people stop drinking, which people drinking leads to many alcohol related car crashes.
14. The rules are that the Siren has to be turned on 100 feet from an intersection and turned off the same distance away. But i'm not sure how that would be in the big cities.
15. The real Anti-Bush Protestors arn't the ones in the open. They are the ones plotting how to get people to vote against him in the next election (if he passes that constitutional ammendment that makes him able to go in for another term.
16. Not sure what to say about this one.
17. I use the E85 stuff currently (85% Ethanol). It doesn't smell that bad.
18. A lot of stores are just stupid with their merchandise. I don't buy brand name stuff (except for electronics) so i wouldn't really care about the major cloths companies.
19. France (in my oppinion) is an okay place. I've never been there though so i'm not really all that familiar with the majority of their population, but i had a French Foreign Exchange Student at my HS during my Jr year (5 years ago), and she seemed pritty cool.
20. I never rode the subway.
21. There is nothing wrong with being nice. I've always prided myself to be nice to everyone. But if you want me to be mean i could be a total asshole to you.......Nah.....i'll just be nice.

Also, about the Iraq thing. It wasn't my idea. I voted for Kerry. I hate Bush. He can kiss my natural Italian Ass for all i care....

Before I start injecting my thoughts on each one, I do realize this is a joke. It was pretty funny to me when I first read it. The opinions and thoughts below are coming from a conservative south Alabamian.




1. Dear God someone needs to teach you people how to make a cup of tea. A sack of filth floating in warm water is NOT TEA: it is a sack of filth floating in warm water. If any food establishment served any other drink or dish as poorly as everywhere does tea, it would be a case for outrage. Even on the occasion I got taken to a genuinely swanky restaurant, they still produced a sack of filth floating in warm water - they just charged more for it.

Tea here in the South is supposed to be well sugared and cold. Over ice if not cold. That's the way tea is supposed to be.

2. American TV.
Sucks doesn't it?

3. American TV.
You should watch TVLand. Now that is good American tv. Give it a try.

4. American TV. Most of my favourite programmes (chieflyTheWestWingbutpleasedon'tstartflamingmeforthatbecauseitdoesn'tnecessarilymeanI'maliberaljust becauseIlikeoneshow) are American, and I'd always assumed that you had it much better. But most of it is appalling. The adverts are even worse. And the news! Jesus fuckign Christ, everyone bitches on and on about CNN and Fox and which is biased, but does it really matter because they're ALL, WITHOUT RESERVE, ABYSMAL. I don't know how you can stand it.

5. The cult of the flag thing is really creepy. It's everywhere. It's quite a pretty flag, and it's historically important, and so on. But still, it won't actually grant seven magic wishes.
meh. The flag is cool. Get's a little old though. So I agree with you here.

6. Firefighters are brave. Absolutely. Those who have continued to work, especially those in the NYFD, after losing colleagues and friends on 9/11 are brave. But they're not fucking demi-Gods. The way people were worshipping them, it was like they'd single-handedly freed America from the British or something.
Strongly agree with you here

7. And on the subject of 9/11, I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...
amen

8. I am not a terrorist. If I were, I would not visit the Museum of the American Indian. You don't need to poke my bag with a stick, or smell my water, or take me aside for extra questioning when I point out how stupid smelling my water is.
it is ridiculous. Going to a high school of 850 and having to wear ID's and have cameras all over the place is pushing it.

9. All you policemen have big guns. Talk about overkill. If you're going to have some guns, so be it, but does everyone need them? The guys on the Staten Island ferry had guns bigger than me. Really necessary? I tried to reason with one cop, and said that if he agreed to discard his gun, I'd give him a fluffy bear with which to promote peace, love and understanding. He told me to fuck off.
he probably thought you were gay. People over here generally don't like gay people or things related to it. dunno why.

10. Your portions are way too big. Not everywhere has doggie-bags, and not every dish can be doggie-bagged. I shouldn't have to deploy moles to burrow through the fries (THEY'RE CALLED CHIPS) to get to my chicken. One place gave me a slice of cake I couldn't actually lift.
try eating a travel size pack of Lay's chips. the portions get smaller and smaller every year. it's crazy. Now they don't even put the "Contents may have settled" jazz on the bag.

11. Employing illiterate staff in the hospitality industry is great: it gives them a chance of gainful employment where other businesses might reject them. But being able to read 'Do Not Disturb' is, I would say, a bare minimum.
I haven't known any illiterate staff members of hospitals around here..

12. All this fuss about security, and yet I didn't once encounter problems with my super, super crap fake ID, despite:
- my clearly not being 21;
- its super, super crapness;
- the fact that it spelt 'European' with an 'i'.
I mean, there were times when they were getting out microscopes for American cards, but I swear if a six-year old had crayoned a few stars on a paper napkin they'd have let them in.

13. Having said, why is alcohol so expensive? Prices weren't as bad as I'd thought they would be, although that might just be an exchange-rate thing, but alcohol was consistently exorbitant. What's the point of repealing Prohibition if you're going to impose a financial one?
stop drinkin alcohol then..

14. Police sirens in the UK go niiIIiinniiIIiinniiIIii and so on. In America, they go nii-niiI-ni-niiII-nii-niiI-IT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. Why can't they just let them run, instead of stop-starting them.
i never knew of this inconsistancy

15. The anti-war, anti-Bush protestors sucked. Badly. (And totally got pwned by the anti-CCP protestors.)
personally, I'm tired of all these protestors

16. 'Cellphone' is good. 'Sidewalk' I can live with. But 'eggplant'? Come ON.
haha

17. Your petrol (sorry, gas) smells funny.
sure does. And we're proud of it :p

18. I'd expected to see loads of the usual chains - fine. But why was it impossible to walk ten paces without tripping a Duane Reade shop, which only seemed to sell border-line illegal muscle growth stimulants and TV magazines?

19. Leave France alone. They're alright.
sure. ok. as soon as they start winning wars. :p sorry. no offense intended.

20. Get some proper names for you subway lines. '1' and 'Red' don't count. 'Bakerloo', 'Victoria', 'Jubilee' - now those are names. And Washington's Metro Center subway station should have big 'don't sit on the railless wall and see how far you can lean back' signs.
never been to a subway

21. You're all too nice. Seriously, it gets annoying.
if you're white, come to the south and enter a predominately black neighborhood. You'll either be threatened or shot. Seriously. No offense to blacks either. It's just the way it is here.

Ok, well clearly the alcohol thing must just be NY/DC. It was much more than that for even American beer most of the time (in bars - I don't know about in stores).

So the prices for stuff was really expensive in the big cities? Who'd've thunk.

1. Dear God someone needs to teach you people how to
make a cup of tea. A sack of filth floating in warm water is NOT TEA: it is a sack of filth floating in warm water. If any food establishment served any other drink or dish as poorly as everywhere does tea, it would be a case for outrage. Even on the occasion I got taken to a genuinely swanky restaurant, they still produced a sack of filth floating in warm water - they just charged more for it.

2. American TV.

3. American TV.

4. American TV. Most of my favourite programmes (chieflyTheWestWingbutpleasedon'tstartflamingmeforthatbecauseitdoesn'tnecessarilymeanI'maliberaljust becauseIlikeoneshow) are American, and I'd always assumed that you had it much better. But most of it is appalling. The adverts are even worse. And the news! Jesus fuckign Christ, everyone bitches on and on about CNN and Fox and which is biased, but does it really matter because they're ALL, WITHOUT RESERVE, ABYSMAL. I don't know how you can stand it.

5. The cult of the flag thing is really creepy. It's everywhere. It's quite a pretty flag, and it's historically important, and so on. But still, it won't actually grant seven magic wishes.

6. Firefighters are brave. Absolutely. Those who have continued to work, especially those in the NYFD, after losing colleagues and friends on 9/11 are brave. But they're not fucking demi-Gods. The way people were worshipping them, it was like they'd single-handedly freed America from the British or something.

7. And on the subject of 9/11, I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...

8. I am not a terrorist. If I were, I would not visit the Museum of the American Indian. You don't need to poke my bag with a stick, or smell my water, or take me aside for extra questioning when I point out how stupid smelling my water is.

9. All you policemen have big guns. Talk about overkill. If you're going to have some guns, so be it, but does everyone need them? The guys on the Staten Island ferry had guns bigger than me. Really necessary? I tried to reason with one cop, and said that if he agreed to discard his gun, I'd give him a fluffy bear with which to promote peace, love and understanding. He told me to fuck off.

10. Your portions are way too big. Not everywhere has doggie-bags, and not every dish can be doggie-bagged. I shouldn't have to deploy moles to burrow through the fries (THEY'RE CALLED CHIPS) to get to my chicken. One place gave me a slice of cake I couldn't actually lift.

11. Employing illiterate staff in the hospitality industry is great: it gives them a chance of gainful employment where other businesses might reject them. But being able to read 'Do Not Disturb' is, I would say, a bare minimum.

12. All this fuss about security, and yet I didn't once encounter problems with my super, super crap fake ID, despite:
- my clearly not being 21;
- its super, super crapness;
- the fact that it spelt 'European' with an 'i'.
I mean, there were times when they were getting out microscopes for American cards, but I swear if a six-year old had crayoned a few stars on a paper napkin they'd have let them in.

13. Having said, why is alcohol so expensive? Prices weren't as bad as I'd thought they would be, although that might just be an exchange-rate thing, but alcohol was consistently exorbitant. What's the point of repealing Prohibition if you're going to impose a financial one?

14. Police sirens in the UK go niiIIiinniiIIiinniiIIii and so on. In America, they go nii-niiI-ni-niiII-nii-niiI-IT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. Why can't they just let them run, instead of stop-starting them.

15. The anti-war, anti-Bush protestors sucked. Badly. (And totally got pwned by the anti-CCP protestors.)

16. 'Cellphone' is good. 'Sidewalk' I can live with. But 'eggplant'? Come ON.

17. Your petrol (sorry, gas) smells funny.

18. I'd expected to see loads of the usual chains - fine. But why was it impossible to walk ten paces without tripping a Duane Reade shop, which only seemed to sell border-line illegal muscle growth stimulants and TV magazines?

19. Leave France alone. They're alright.

20. Get some proper names for you subway lines. '1' and 'Red' don't count. 'Bakerloo', 'Victoria', 'Jubilee' - now those are names. And Washington's Metro Center subway station should have big 'don't sit on the railless wall and see how far you can lean back' signs.

21. You're all too nice. Seriously, it gets annoying.

There are some good things though:
- coffee;
- air conditioning;
- comics in newspapers;
- Mexican soap operas;
- the girls at Georgetown University.

Anyway, I'm not trying to bait/offend people. These are just some of the things that racked me off while I was there, and that you will have to rectify before truly being the 'land of the free'.

Also, you invaded Iraq.
1. Dont drink our tea. Why the hell do you think we dumped it into Boston Harbour? TEA SUCKS!!! Im from the south and the main way we drink it is iced ( I dont ) but its supposed to be fantastic!

2.British TV.
3.British TV.

4. British TV. It makes no sense. Nothing but old people and new ways to either humiliate someone by the most painful way possible, drunken bimbos who think they own the world, or sex crazed old men chasing old ladies.

5. Soccer! What is the big deal and why do people have to beat each other to death over a little bitty ball with spots on it! For that matter why do people have to go crazy and stomp each other to death in the stadiums or burn a town down because their "favorite player" got a penalty?

6.We will get over 911 when you get over the London bombings. "enough said"

7.Sorry but the policemen have to have guns here since the ownership of guns for most is legal...it is in our CONSTITUTION and BILL OF RIGHTS. Personally I believe in lots of gun control but I cant change the world.

8.ON the subject of food: well at least we get our money's worth. We dont go and eat fucking kidneys and put them in pies. No, they are called french fries or pomme fritz they are from Belgium. You have chips we have fries..no biggie. Besides we invented McDonald's and they have the best pomme fritz. :)
9. Illiterate staff? hmmm sounds like a stereotype? I have worked in the commercial food service industry despite having a college education and I have had to deal with more ignorance than dish it out...sorry not all of us can have the grand job Im sure you have....would you like chips with that?

10. Booze. TAXES. It isnt a right...its a privilege. Waaaahh..I cant afford some liquor so I can go get shit faced and go drive and plow a couple of orphans down. If you want it...PAY for it. No tears for you. Cheers!
11. France. They consider Jerry Lewis a comic genius! ..explain that. Besides they started it!

Mexico can keep their soap operas they are too stupid to live.
Oh and this was just a rebuttal and meant to be tongue and cheek as well. If anyone is offende go watch a foamy cartoon.

Hey, uh, doesn't tea sap the iron out of your blood? I heard that from my friend the other day, (don't ask how it came up)

The tea here is lukewarm and crappy...
A lot of companies believe that because it's America... we'll buy anything... I mean... Have you tried Fanta in any other country?

It's fantastic! But here it's just generic orange soda


We can thank those people who burn them selves and start lawsuites for the lukewarm tea.

To the gun concern, this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Hollywood_shootout) is why they all carry bazookas now. Turns out our criminals were way more armed than our police forces.

To the gun concern, this (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Hollywood_shootout) is why they all carry bazookas now. Turns out our criminals were way more armed than our police forces.

Now that is scary. Seriously. I note also that all the weapons they had were legally available in the US. Not that anyone cares I know...

<snip>
So, let me guess: you're a foreign student w/ a visa studying in the good ole' US. Nice. I know it must be a bit of a culture shock, but I hope you like it here. There's no where that is quite like America.
P.S: Do you really go to college in the Washington area? If you do, make it a point to go to Richmond, about an hour south of the city. Beautiful town. And if you don't like that, the Virginia countryside is absolutely stunning. I love that state.

WTF is that small print on the bottom of the page about???(Other than that I thought it was funny,and I live in the U.S.A. :) )

i should take a trip to the UK and come back to america and make a huge list of things to cry about

THEY'RE CALLED CHIPS NOT FRIES LOL!!!!!!!!!

THERE IS ONLY ONE WORD FOR ANYTHING LOL!!!!!!!!!!!helpnobraininmyskull

You think beer is expensive in Europe? America? What about Australia? (Small island off the coast of NZ) Well I'm from New Zealand, and we pay exorbitant prices for everything here, and petrol, electricity (600% higher rates here than most other places thanks GovtNZ) and beer are no exception.

Come stay here next year for the WRC and see if you don't pay $8-9NZD for a bottle of Heineken.

:sniper:

I enjoyed the laugh from reading this. Thanks.



Watered-down horse piss is not a proper beer. No matter what you name it.


How do you know what horse piss tastes like!?!?!?!?!

:eek: :D

1. Dear God someone needs to teach you people how to make a cup of tea. A sack of filth floating in warm water is NOT TEA: it is a sack of filth floating in warm water. If any food establishment served any other drink or dish as poorly as everywhere does tea, it would be a case for outrage. Even on the occasion I got taken to a genuinely swanky restaurant, they still produced a sack of filth floating in warm water - they just charged more for it.
I agree, but I prefer asian-style teas so that's what Chinatown is for.


2. American TV.

3. American TV.

4. American TV. Most of my favourite programmes (chieflyTheWestWingbutpleasedon'tstartflamingmeforthatbecauseitdoesn'tnecessarilymeanI'maliberaljust becauseIlikeoneshow) are American, and I'd always assumed that you had it much better. But most of it is appalling. The adverts are even worse. And the news! Jesus fuckign Christ, everyone bitches on and on about CNN and Fox and which is biased, but does it really matter because they're ALL, WITHOUT RESERVE, ABYSMAL. I don't know how you can stand it.Law & Order is quite good.

5. The cult of the flag thing is really creepy. It's everywhere. It's quite a pretty flag, and it's historically important, and so on. But still, it won't actually grant seven magic wishes.This is somewhat recent and most Americans have some sort of flag displayed at all times as a sign of solidarity since 9/11. Most people have these tiny disposable (!) flags they hang on their cars until it is virtually destroyed by weather etc. Yes, it's half-assed patriotism.

6. Firefighters are brave. Absolutely. Those who have continued to work, especially those in the NYFD, after losing colleagues and friends on 9/11 are brave. But they're not fucking demi-Gods. The way people were worshipping them, it was like they'd single-handedly freed America from the British or something.To those of us that work, walk and live in the shadow of the former towers, it's hard to forget. If you sucked in that dust when those towers fells, you sucked in human ashes as well.

7. And on the subject of 9/11, I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...
Most of us are over it. Others (mostly tourists) come to the spot and take pictures.

8. I am not a terrorist. If I were, I would not visit the Museum of the American Indian. You don't need to poke my bag with a stick, or smell my water, or take me aside for extra questioning when I point out how stupid smelling my water is.I have 5 ID cards, 3 of which have barcodes AND mag stripes that must be read at certain checkpoints in my office, PLUS I have to go through a metal detector and then be given the once-over with a wand to get in. Soon they will implementing bio-metrics measures. A bag check? No problem.

9. All you policemen have big guns. Talk about overkill. If you're going to have some guns, so be it, but does everyone need them? The guys on the Staten Island ferry had guns bigger than me. Really necessary? I tried to reason with one cop, and said that if he agreed to discard his gun, I'd give him a fluffy bear with which to promote peace, love and understanding. He told me to fuck off.Yeah, near Wallstreet we have NYPD and US Marshals armed with anything from the MP5 family, M-4 carbines and Benelli semi-auto shotguns. Bear in mind that they just don't hand anybody these weapons, you must be certified. Odds are, these people have SWAT training as well. If the Yankees win the World Series this year, you'll see sniper teams on the roofs too during the parade.

10. Your portions are way too big. Not everywhere has doggie-bags, and not every dish can be doggie-bagged. I shouldn't have to deploy moles to burrow through the fries (THEY'RE CALLED CHIPS) to get to my chicken. One place gave me a slice of cake I couldn't actually lift.I'm glad I'm not the only one that noticed this.

11. Employing illiterate staff in the hospitality industry is great: it gives them a chance of gainful employment where other businesses might reject them. But being able to read 'Do Not Disturb' is, I would say, a bare minimum.
Best Western? Holiday Inn?

12. All this fuss about security, and yet I didn't once encounter problems with my super, super crap fake ID, despite:
- my clearly not being 21;
- its super, super crapness;
- the fact that it spelt 'European' with an 'i'.
I mean, there were times when they were getting out microscopes for American cards, but I swear if a six-year old had crayoned a few stars on a paper napkin they'd have let them in.
Bars don't care! Money is money!

13. Having said, why is alcohol so expensive? Prices weren't as bad as I'd thought they would be, although that might just be an exchange-rate thing, but alcohol was consistently exorbitant. What's the point of repealing Prohibition if you're going to impose a financial one?
Drinks at bars are more expensive than buying your own from the liquor store. This is a given here.

14. Police sirens in the UK go niiIIiinniiIIiinniiIIii and so on. In America, they go nii-niiI-ni-niiII-nii-niiI-IT IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. Why can't they just let them run, instead of stop-starting them.
hehe!

15. The anti-war, anti-Bush protestors sucked. Badly. (And totally got pwned by the anti-CCP protestors.)They don't bother me. I'd like to see them try and bother us on the Street with the way the current administration is.

16. 'Cellphone' is good. 'Sidewalk' I can live with. But 'eggplant'? Come ON.
Would you prefer moolie'?

17. Your petrol (sorry, gas) smells funny.
Is it supposed to smell good?


18. I'd expected to see loads of the usual chains - fine. But why was it impossible to walk ten paces without tripping a Duane Reade shop, which only seemed to sell border-line illegal muscle growth stimulants and TV magazines?
Beats me. I never understood that myself and I've lived here for well over 20 years.


20. Get some proper names for you subway lines. '1' and 'Red' don't count. 'Bakerloo', 'Victoria', 'Jubilee' - now those are names. And Washington's Metro Center subway station should have big 'don't sit on the railless wall and see how far you can lean back' signs.Trains are sometimes change routes in New York due to construction/rescheduling, etc. For example, the Q train used to run into Queens, now it stops at 57th street Manhattan and goes back into Brooklyn. Much easier to remember.

21. You're all too nice. Seriously, it gets annoying.
America is a service-based economy, sir. :)


There are some good things though:
- coffee;
- air conditioning;
- comics in newspapers;
- Mexican soap operas;
- the girls at Georgetown University.

Anyway, I'm not trying to bait/offend people. These are just some of the things that racked me off while I was there, and that you will have to rectify before truly being the 'land of the free'.
Yes, but did you have any fun? :)

That was actually rather amusing. Lol, I agreed with the first point the most. You hit it on the mark.

What a scumbag thread. Scumbag. You're too in love with yourself.

6. Firefighters are brave. Absolutely. Those who have continued to work, especially those in the NYFD, after losing colleagues and friends on 9/11 are brave. But they're not fucking demi-Gods. The way people were worshipping them, it was like they'd single-handedly freed America from the British or something.

9. All you policemen have big guns. Talk about overkill. If you're going to have some guns, so be it, but does everyone need them? The guys on the Staten Island ferry had guns bigger than me. Really necessary? I tried to reason with one cop, and said that if he agreed to discard his gun, I'd give him a fluffy bear with which to promote peace, love and understanding. He told me to fuck off.ually lift.

19. Leave France alone. They're alright.


6. LAWLZ

9. If you would have said that to me, I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU TO FUCK OFF.

19. Their food sucks. Snails? Fish egs? That just isn't right. In fact, the only good European food is without a doubt Italian.

So true.

19. Their food sucks. Snails? Fish egs? That just isn't right. In fact, the only good European food is without a doubt Italian.Caviar is more Russian than it is French and I would question anyone claiming it was a common food... ;)
Besides, it would be foolish to limit French cuisine to snails and frog legs.

21?, that is alot to be pissed off about....

Here I am with only 4:
* People Who Are Both Stupid & Ignorant
* Liars
* The Lazy
* Anyone Who Uses The Letter "O" In Place Of The Number "0"

*<}:o) H-D

Thing I hate most about America is...
every other state is holding us back! C'mon, California as its own country would have the 5th largest economy in the world!
Where you at Oklahoma? What's up Nebraska?

I just checked my flying fuck file to see if there was anything in there on the points you made.
There wasnt.

I guess its good you dont live here. Visit, turn your nose up at us and spend your pitiful small amount of cash, then get out. We dont really care.
And one of the gripes on the "21 Things I hate about Europe" was that we are all too stuck up and take things too seriously.

There is also a 22nd annoying thing about america: its total obsession with security.

There is also a 22nd annoying thing about america: its total obsession with security.Isn't the obsession with security covered in point 8? :p

Isn't the obsession with security covered in point 8? :p
Well, not necessarily.

As a history buff, polticial scientist and a Canadian there are many things that annoy the hell out of me about the US:
1) One on one Americans are usually okay but in groups they due tend to get rude.
2) Allowing a president to steal an election then re-electing him still baffles me. IMPEACH THE BASTARD ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get rid of Bush and you can get rid of the real power the evil Carl Rove.
3) Money ain't everything.
4) Stop basing your voting on the opinions of uninformed actors. DOH!!!!!
5) Stop breaking international laws and treaties. Stop screwing Canada over it's softwood lumber!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enough raving for now. The US does make good movies!! ;) :p


Since you're a political scientist and presumably an expert on American politics and government, I assume you know that impeachment means 'indictment,' not removal from office. And I think you'll have to explain to me how he "stole" the election. :)

[QUOTE=Gruenberg]

7. And on the subject of 9/11, I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...


13. Having said, why is alcohol so expensive? Prices weren't as bad as I'd thought they would be, although that might just be an exchange-rate thing, but alcohol was consistently exorbitant. What's the point of repealing Prohibition if you're going to impose a financial one?

About 7, I think all world agree that's a tragedy (why have everyone to say that before make a critic?) but no bigger than thousands of other tragedies that happened every year all around the world. Your dream of a safe countryin a dangerous world was just that, a dream. You'll live better if you awake quick.

About 13, the right question would be, why it's so cheap the oil in the USA? It's one of things I most hate in the US, it makes the 5% of global population to produce 25% of greenhouse effect gases. :mad:

original post

funny.

i think the standard US coffee served in most restaurants there, etc... is really crap though. As bad as the coffee in Britain

Where's Fass when you need him...

Writing a crappy dissertation... but was I needed for this? Why? What would I have done?

And I don't mean to laugh at some people's illiteracy, but "hospitality" (http://www.webster.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?sourceid=Mozilla-search&va=hospitality) has nothing to do with hospitals! I don't know how many of you have already made comments about hospitals, but it's really stupid! I learnt your bloody language, you learn it too! :headbang:

1. Dear God someone needs to teach you people how to make a cup of tea. A sack of filth floating in warm water is NOT TEA: it is a sack of filth floating in warm water. If any food establishment served any other drink or dish as poorly as everywhere does tea, it would be a case for outrage. Even on the occasion I got taken to a genuinely swanky restaurant, they still produced a sack of filth floating in warm water - they just charged more for it.

-snip-

Also, you invaded Iraq.
hehehehe lol very good :p
ok i'm being prudish and perhaps hypocritical by posting back trying to moderate the '21 reasons... europe' thread and not trying to moderate this one... but i don't care because this one is funny :D

hehehehe lol very good :p
ok i'm being prudish and perhaps hypocritical by posting back trying to moderate the '21 reasons... europe' thread and not trying to moderate this one... but i don't care because this one is funny :D

Can you please -snip- the OP when quoting it? There's really no point to having such a large superfluous mass of text in your post. We already know to what you are referring.

7. And on the subject of 9/11, I acknowledge it was a tragedy. I sympathise fully with all those affected, and recognise its additional political significance. But one day soon, you're going to have to start getting over it...




He who forgets the past is condemed to repeat it.

He who forgets the past is condemed to repeat it.That applies to more than just recent history. Or can you actually tell me what happened on 9/11 1973 without looking it up..?

He who forgets the past is condemed to repeat it.

He who does not let go of the past is condemned to live in it.

Geez, you're complaing about their tea? You've obviously never had their beer.

1. Dear God, someone needs to teach you people how to cook. A cup of tea? What good is making a decent cup of tea when you then dump milk and sugar into it? Think of your poor teeth!

2. reruns of the UK's worse TV sit-coms on BBC and PBS. Surely the UK produces some good TV programming, or must they slavishly follow the USA in creating trash?

3. The dreaded queue - do the Brits have a lemming mentality? Stand anywhere and before you know it, there is a queue behind you as if that were a national pasttime.

4. Cricket - I know in my heart of hearts that cricket is not a sport - it is a big 'put-on' that has been inflicted on a very docile population. Get a real sport (and I don't mean baseball or Amer. football - both are in the same category, dreadfully boring!)

5. The queen and her brood - I admit that Diana's two are nice young men, but isn't it time for you people to realise that the 'royals' is a honorific term for parasites? They are an anachronism that has outlived its usefulness.

6. Is there something in the water of the UK that makes them feel compelled to put down their fellow man?

7. And why can't you people drive on the right? If the Swedes can make the 'change' over night, why can't the British? It must be a cultural thing: the desire to be different or weird.

8. Would it be possible to have English instruction in your schools? In Yorkshire (to say nothing of Scotland), a foreigner who cannot find someone who speaks RP, needs an interpreter.

9. Your food is wonderful! The trick is not to let a Brit into the kitchen. If you do, you will not be able to tell what it is that you're eating.

10. Borrow from others! The UK could use some of the French 'joie de vivre' and cooking skills, some of the German reliability and helpfulness, some of the Italian graciousness and friendliness.

11. And please, please learn to make coffee. Not all nations have coloured water as a national drink.

12. Please prohibit the underclasses (esp. fans of your sports teams) from visiting other countries. Maybe you could deny them train tickets. They are dangerous!

I could go on and on, but what would be the point? The UK is the UK just as the USA is the USA. Cultural differences are often shocking. But, I must say that you pinpointed many of the things that I don't like in the USA. You missed quite a few.

1. The penchant for using first names to strangers is offensive.

2. Eating with hands instead of knife and fork is gross; why do they think God invented the knife and the fork for? decoration?

3. Lack of a sense of humour - is slapstick all they understand? Or is that just a weakness of English speakers?

4. The USA is too big. After a train trip of 10 hours, one should find oneself somewhere, not in Kansas! There's too much wasted space in the USA.

5. Would it be possible to begin English instruction very early in the south (that portion of the USA where 'pie' (tarte) is pronounced 'pah' and where one syllable words add one, two or three syllables.

6. And please, please - is there nothing we can do about the almost total ignorance about the rest of the planet? I'm sure that 80%-90% didn't even know where to find Iraq on the map before Bush launched his undeclared war against that country.

Keep up the good work! ;)

Thing I hate most about America is...
every other state is holding us back! C'mon, California as its own country would have the 5th largest economy in the world!
Where you at Oklahoma? What's up Nebraska?

So why hasn't California broken away (politically)? I have a sneaking suspicion that the physical break is not too far in the future so I assume that California, for all its wealth and avant-garde 'culture', will want the USA to help them rebuild just as the south (now Republican to the core and interested in 'small government') cries for federal relief once the effects of that liberal 'lie' of planetary warming destroys their infrastructure.

Now that is scary. Seriously. I note also that all the weapons they had were legally available in the US. Not that anyone cares I know...
Err, you missed a bit:

Opponents of gun control counter that as the weapons had been obtained illegally, the incident did not indicate that criminal use of legally registered fully-automatic firearms was a problem; to date there has been no recorded commission of a crime with a legally-registered fully automatic firearm by the legal owner - a few stolen weapons have been used by criminals. They also point out that during the shootout, LAPD patrol officers acquired more powerful rifles and shotgun ammunition from a nearby gun shop, which had the potential to penetrate body armor or at least fracture bones through armor. Although it was the SWAT team that eventually brought down the suspects, had the gun shop not carried these more powerful weapons there could have been more police and civilian casualties due to the inability of the police to effectively counter the criminals.

I just spit coffee all over myself ...but thanks for the laugh.


Would you prefer moolie'?
fun? :)

So, you feel free to insult the hell out of us and our culture, but ROLFLOL if we respond, as we are too coarse and unrefined to laugh politely at your "humor"? Hmm, I guess I'll remain a coarse, unrefined, American gun owning cheap beer drinking American, and tell you to bugger off, you bloody sod.

There are some good things though:
- coffee;
AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*points and laughs*

1-12

the flag thing is creepy.
Hitler made big stink out of desecrating the national deity too.


Firrefighters.
Yeah. I was wondering about that. Firefighters and cops.
SUDDENLY after Sept 11, 2001 the TV NEWS was suddenly announcing
how these two groups were suddenly being worshipped.
? How come I did not see that in the world around me when they were
saying it on the tv?



Chips? Fries?
Sorry, on this I'll have to disagree with you. They are fries.
At least here in the states where I thought they were invented.
Chips? To me chips always made a cracking sound when bitten into.
Chips of a potato? Chunks maybe, but not chips.


other than that,
1-12 I agree with most.

But sorry about the "Tea" thing.
Americans don't really drink the stuff, so we aren't used to other ways
it could be done.


In hotels,
blame that person's boss.
One hotel I worked at, the management bought these
totally stupid 2 sided DND signs. One side was DND,
the other said 'please clean'.
I was like, What if customers don't read the sign and put
up the wrong side assuming both say the same thing?
Boss scoffed at my question, as if every single customer was
brighter than every single one of her subordinates.
People miss things. duh.

What's an "anti-CCP protestor"
and what's a
Duane Reade shop?

I've never heard of either one of them.


Also, Britain TOO invaded Iraq.
Citizens or subjects of that country can't be left of the hook for that one.

Heh, funny, the flag thing Is creepy though (almost anywhere I stood in NYS and looked around, there would always be a flag and it wouldn't always be as respected as you would expect). Seriously guys, patriotism is a bad thing.

But besides that, funny post, funny replies. Most of them true too... most.

Bad things about Europe in general:
1. Trying to be one nation. Good luck. Don't see Canada, Mexico, and the US trying to bypass their long-held differences to become the United States of Canadian America featuring Mexico.
2. Too liberal. They need some hardcore conservatives, and I mean hardcore, just to break even.
3. Their press. Where else would you find a press that gloats about how Katrina humbled big, mean US, who hasn't done anything major for them since it helped topple the Soviet dictatorship 14 years ago. The press there seemed blissfully ignorant of a certain deadly heatwave not too long ago.
4. No death penalty. They just feed dangerous killers until they pass away. Plus, if inmates could escape alcatraz, they can escape a much wimpier Euro-prison.
5. Europe is viewed as a big baby who complains alot. They made fun of Bush for sending Aircraft Carriers over to the Tsunami disaster zone, even though the floating mini-cities are probably the best thing to send based off of the facts. Many Britts complained about not being allowed to have dogs tear pregnent vixens to shreds, even though the vixens are carrying extra weight and die slow and painful deaths. Maybe I like foxies too much.
6. France-US rivalry. We hate eachother. We dispice eachother. We are programmed to. And this is coming from someone who has a French grandmother.

14: the sirens are weird because its easier to tell which direction the sound is coming from if theres more variation. someone probly already posted that but i couldnt be bothered to read everything. they do sound annoying though.

Bad things about Europe in general:
1. Trying to be one nation. Good luck. Don't see Canada, Mexico, and the US trying to bypass their long-held differences to become the United States of Canadian America featuring Mexico.
Trying to be one nation?? What about the United States of America? I see certain similarities.
2. Too liberal. They need some hardcore conservatives, and I mean hardcore, just to break even.
Why? I like liberal. Conservatives brought us the Nazis, or didn't they?
3. Their press. Where else would you find a press that gloats about how Katrina humbled big, mean US, who hasn't done anything major for them since it helped topple the Soviet dictatorship 14 years ago. The press there seemed blissfully ignorant of a certain deadly heatwave not too long ago.
Well, they couldn't really state that it strengthened the US either.
4. No death penalty. They just feed dangerous killers until they pass away. Plus, if inmates could escape alcatraz, they can escape a much wimpier Euro-prison. I'm quite glad we don't have that. Besides, Alcatraz is in America, we wouldn't really have to worry about whoever breaks out from there ;)
5. Europe is viewed as a big baby who complains alot. They made fun of Bush for sending Aircraft Carriers over to the Tsunami disaster zone, even though the floating mini-cities are probably the best thing to send based off of the facts. Many Britts complained about not being allowed to have dogs tear pregnent vixens to shreds, even though the vixens are carrying extra weight and die slow and painful deaths. Maybe I like foxies too much.Hm. I. uh. *munches on really good chocolate*. Whatever :p.
6. France-US rivalry. We hate eachother. We dispice eachother. We are programmed to. And this is coming from someone who has a French grandmother.
Sho...you blame Europe for French-US rivalry?
*shakes head*
Here, have some chocolate!

Perhaps it's time for:

21 things that piss me off about people's replies to this thread

1. I didn't say I hated America.
2. I didn't say I hated Americans.
3. I don't hate America.
4. I don't hate Americans.
5. I didn't say I didn't have a good time.
6. I did have a good time.
7. I didn't say your food was bad.
8. I think exactly the same sort of criticisms can and should be levelled at the UK, Germany, France, Europe, Canada, wherever.
9. I wasn't trying to anger people.
10. I'm not trying to impose my culture on you; I'm reporting my observations and opinions.
11. 21 is not a lot. I'm sure if I went for a holiday in Sierra Leone I would have a few more reasons. (No offence to Sierra Leone people.)
12. I'm not talking about your political structure or anything else: just how you came across to a foreigner.
13. I know NYC/DC are not representative of America at large. I only had a week.
14. Yes, the cop did tell me to fuck off: others have commented that it seems in keeping with the Staten Island ferry police (I have to say, most other policemen seemed much more friendly though).
15. Flaming me isn't exactly going to make me change my mind (except...
16. ...I was wrong about 21).
17. I accept I was probably wrong about alcohol - it was just that being in the cities, it was naturally expensive.
18. I forgot to mention baseball.
19. Yes, my generalisations are basically racist. No, being racist in return isn't a good idea.
20. I didn't fly the planes on 9/11.
21. OH FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK IT WAS A JOKE. If you don't find me funny - and you wouldn't be alone in that, by any means - then this probably isn't the thread for you.

I know one that he really did leave out: Though "the american pastime" is another name for baseball, it really should be another name for suing people.
In other words: americans are just as obsessed with suing people as their nation and its government is obssesed with security.

Bad things about Europe in general:
1. Trying to be one nation. Good luck. Don't see Canada, Mexico, and the US trying to bypass their long-held differences to become the United States of Canadian America featuring Mexico.
2. Too liberal. They need some hardcore conservatives, and I mean hardcore, just to break even.
3. Their press. Where else would you find a press that gloats about how Katrina humbled big, mean US, who hasn't done anything major for them since it helped topple the Soviet dictatorship 14 years ago. The press there seemed blissfully ignorant of a certain deadly heatwave not too long ago.
4. No death penalty. They just feed dangerous killers until they pass away. Plus, if inmates could escape alcatraz, they can escape a much wimpier Euro-prison.
5. Europe is viewed as a big baby who complains alot. They made fun of Bush for sending Aircraft Carriers over to the Tsunami disaster zone, even though the floating mini-cities are probably the best thing to send based off of the facts. Many Brits* complained about not being allowed to have dogs tear pregnent vixens to shreds, even though the vixens are carrying extra weight and die slow and painful deaths. Maybe I like foxies too much.
6. France-US rivalry. We hate eachother. We dispice eachother. We are programmed to. And this is coming from someone who has a French grandmother.

1. at least we try to get along

2. get some real left wingers into america then.

3. i. america didnt topple the USSR, it fell apart due to its size and various other factors that would require me to write an essay.
ii. at least the press is uncensored

4. thank god we don't, BNP complain that criminals are everywhere and we can't walk the streets, but then complaint that the government (britain) is a police state. i'd like to see what would happen if britain was a police state with the death penalty, they might change their ways.

5. war-planes and anti-anthrax tablets are NOT the thing to take to survivors of natural disasters.

6. meh, i hate america, i like europe.

20. Get some proper names for you subway lines. '1' and 'Red' don't count. 'Bakerloo', 'Victoria', 'Jubilee' - now those are names. And Washington's Metro Center subway station should have big 'don't sit on the railless wall and see how far you can lean back' signs.

Do you really think America is the only place where METRO (dont ever call such systems undergrounds or subways) lines have numbers not names? Almost all metro systems give their lines NUMBERS, even in europe.

Now that is scary. Seriously. I note also that all the weapons they had were legally available in the US. Not that anyone cares I know...


Their possession of said weapons was ILLEGAL, however.

1. at least we try to get along

2. get some real left wingers into america then.

3. i. america didnt topple the USSR, it fell apart due to its size and various other factors that would require me to write an essay.
ii. at least the press is uncensored

4. thank god we don't, BNP complain that criminals are everywhere and we can't walk the streets, but then complaint that the government (britain) is a police state. i'd like to see what would happen if britain was a police state with the death penalty, they might change their ways.

5. war-planes and anti-anthrax tablets are NOT the thing to take to survivors of natural disasters.

6. meh, i hate america, i like europe.

3. A fireman HELPED save people from a burning building. Does that mean he, alone did it? Hell no. Since others helped, does that mean he did not? Hell no. Key word was HELPED!!!

5. Air-craft carriers are designed to accomidate several THOUSAND people for long periods of time. So, of course, they have their own hospitals, have nuclear generators that can produce fresh water fromsea water, electricity from said generators, and, of course, their own air port which can send non-war planes in addition to the infamous bombers and fighters.

3. The dreaded queue - do the Brits have a lemming mentality? Stand anywhere and before you know it, there is a queue behind you as if that were a national pasttime.

It's part of our cultural heritage; it's what years of rationing will do to a nation.

7. And why can't you people drive on the right? If the Swedes can make the 'change' over night, why can't the British? It must be a cultural thing: the desire to be different or weird.

And why can't all you people learn to drive on the left? We've been doing it since we were ruled by the Romans, I doubt you can say the same.

9. Your food is wonderful! The trick is not to let a Brit into the kitchen. If you do, you will not be able to tell what it is that you're eating.

But surely that's a good thing? Anyway everyone knows that burnt crispy bits are good for you and stodge is one of the key food groups.

11. And please, please learn to make coffee. Not all nations have coloured water as a national drink.

And we should learn to celebrate our differences.

12. Please prohibit the underclasses (esp. fans of your sports teams) from visiting other countries. Maybe you could deny them train tickets. They are dangerous!

Time was we'd have slapped a red coat on them and used 'em to conquer naked tribesmen armed only with sharp fruit, but people took offence at that too.

16. 'Lorry' is good. 'Chips' I can live with. But 'moving staircase'? Come ON.
Escalator...

(Yay mint sauce)

6.We will get over 911 when you get over the London bombings. "enough said"
We did... About ten minutes after they happened...

3. The dreaded queue - do the Brits have a lemming mentality? Stand anywhere and before you know it, there is a queue behind you as if that were a national pasttime.
Don't bash our National Passtime!

1. The penchant for using first names to strangers is offensive.
So Agreed.

Many Britts complained about not being allowed to have dogs tear pregnent vixens to shreds, even though the vixens are carrying extra weight and die slow and painful deaths. Maybe I like foxies too much.
Think of the chickens! If we want folks fed, we'll keep our chickens and shoot the foxes, kthnxbai.

I love this thread. ^_^

Its not filth lmao....its tea duh....you know the stuff they grow then put in those bags to make a drink with......

Locked, pending moderator review.

if those things annoy you.

it is always nice to be lectured by smug, self righteous morons like you. You sound like Pat Robertson without the theism.

1) Our culture drinks coffee not tea, doesn't make you better just different.
2) Family Guy
3) Wow what an insightful observation.
4) Don't like it, don't watch it. Read the NY Times everyday like I do.
5) God forbid we domestrate national pride
6) The world needs heros and they're the closest ones we have
7) Actually we have gotten over it. Except for the people who had loved ones die, god forbid a family should mourn the loss of someone they miss.
8) Safety first Ahkmed
9) Ever see the Bank of Hollywood robbery, that's why now go fuck off hippy
10) I can't understand that, something about food.
11) Wow, that's so terrible. Must be America's fault
12) Never know when those terrorists might bomb a strip club
13) I don't drink, it can be a disgusting vice.
14) ...shut the hell up please
15) Why didn't you protest?
16) WTF are you talknig about?
17) You really shouldn't be sniffing gas anywhere...
18) Never heard of it
19) As soon as they stop spitting on our tourists and defacing tombs
20) Stop trying to impose your bullshit culture on us
21) Go to New Jersey

Obviously things are going to be different, because we have two different cultures. Damn I'm sick of European Ethnocentrism. America is a culmination of Europe's sins.

Stop bitching you little pussy, if you care so much do something about it.

All of you need to calm down, especially you three. If you disagree with him, use valid points to counter it, rather than sinking to insults. I'm going to lock this thread though, because of the fact that I dont think a good debate or discussion can come out of it without rulebreaking.