Pat Robertson to Run for Senate
Neo Kervoskia
17-09-2005, 00:48
Pat Robertson to Run for Senate
by Jim McCallester
September 15, 2005, Virgina Beach-Televangelist Pat Robertson announced today that he plans to run for a vacant senate seat in his district in Virginia Beach. He filed the papers yesterday and already has a capaign headquarters, located in the commercial district of Virgina Beach. The head of his campaign is none other than Mary Mateline, Bush Senior's campaign director.
His platform conist of tax reform and putting an end to pork barrel spending. Robertson says he will uphold the rights of the citizens he will represent and that he will not allow his personal religious beliefs to make him deaf to the will of the people.
"You can't win as a theocrat or any other sort of ideologe, at least not at the state level. I think I've changed quite a bit since my days as president of the Christian Coaltion. I know that I said some things of questionable legality, but over all I'd say that I'm more tolerant of other faiths. ", he said.
We asked James Carville, wife of Mataline, what he thought about the whole situation and if he would contribute any to the campaign. He responded, but it was too incomprehensible to translate. He has yet to set up a website, but he intends to promote his campaign on the 700 Club.
Copyright 2005, Disassociated Press
Edit: That campaign finance things was too much. Sorry.
Ravenshrike
17-09-2005, 00:51
Ha! Ahaha! AHAHAHAHAHA!
What he said.
The Psyker
17-09-2005, 00:53
He shouldn't be running for the Senate, he should be in jail awaiting trial for terroristic threats.
Well, after all, wouldn't you want your congressman to be someone who blamed hurricane Katrina and 9/11 on the decision to have Ellen deGeneres (sp?) host the emmeys. Yeah..I thought so! :rolleyes:
Economic Associates
17-09-2005, 00:54
link?
Dishonorable Scum
17-09-2005, 00:56
So what's he going to do if he wins, submit a bill to assassinate Hugo Chavez?
:rolleyes:
CthulhuFhtagn
17-09-2005, 00:56
Well, after all, wouldn't you want your congressman to be someone who blamed hurricane Katrina and 9/11 on the decision to have Ellen deGeneres (sp?) host the emmeys. Yeah..I thought so! :rolleyes:
Sorry kid, that's a UL.
I even hired a Jew as my head of campaign finance.", he said.
Am I the only person who detects some kind of anti-Semitic slur in this phrase?
Either that, or it's like a racist saying "some of my best friends are black"
Amestria
17-09-2005, 01:01
Robertson does not stand a chance, but there are already plenty like-minded nuts in Congress... Senator Tom Coburn, for example, has advocated the death penalty for abortionists, called the gay rights movement "the greatists threat to our freedoms today", advocated banning Schindlers List, and as a doctor he steralized patients without their consent....
Neo Kervoskia
17-09-2005, 01:03
Err, I didn't think anyone would take this seriously. Let me point something out.
Copyright 2005 Disassociated Press
Super-power
17-09-2005, 01:05
It was that last bit which made me realize this was satire.
An article from the "Disassociated Press"? Methinks this is a joke. Or a lie by the liberal media, take your pick ;)
So what's he going to do if he wins, submit a bill to assassinate Hugo Chavez?
:rolleyes:
Not likely. As a direct link between America and God, Robertson could merely call upon a great snowstorm to hit Caracas at the right time. But the real danger is in him losing. He will probably attempt to summon a hurricane on the infidel voters. Him and whoever leads al-Qaeda nowadays should run on the presidential ticket together in 2008. And Hollywood better not criticize him - he has the fault line button right under his Bible, after all. Good thing he probably doesn't read it enough to ever notice the button :rolleyes:
I even hired a Jew as my head of campaign finance.
Yeah, it's definitely a joke. A very tasteless one as is evident here - making cracks at Jews behind Robertson's name. Or whatever is left of it.
Secret aj man
17-09-2005, 01:06
Am I the only person who detects some kind of anti-Semitic slur in this phrase?
Either that, or it's like a racist saying "some of my best friends are black"
you stole my thunder...i thought that as well,right away.
he is a friggin tard,i wouldnt hire him too clean my toilet. :mp5:
Eutrusca
17-09-2005, 01:07
Pat Robertson to Run for Senate
by Jim McCallester
September 15, 2005, Virgina Beach-Televangelist Pat Robertson announced today that he plans to run for a vacant senate seat in his district in Virginia Beach. He filed the papers yesterday and already has a capaign headquarters, located in the commercial district of Virgina Beach. The head of his campaign is none other than Mary Mateline, Bush Senior's campaign director.
His platform conist of tax reform and putting an end to pork barrel spending. Robertson says he will uphold the rights of the citizens he will represent and that he will not allow his personal religious beliefs to make him deaf to the will of the people.
"You can't win as a theocrat or any other sort of ideologe, at least not at the state level. I think I've changed quite a bit since my days as president of the Christian Coaltion. I know that I said some things of questionable legality, but over all I'd say that I'm more tolerant of other faiths. I even hired a Jew as my head of campaign finance.", he said.
We asked James Carville, wife of Mataline, what he thought about the whole situation and if he would contribute any to the campaign. He responded, but it was too incomprehensible to translate. He has yet to set up a website, but he intends to promote his campaign on the 700 Club.
Copyright 2005, Disassociated Press
Ha! Ha! Ha! :rolleyes:
Amestria
17-09-2005, 01:10
Copyright 2005, Disassociated Press
A very funny joke, but I'd like to point out that he has done stunts like that in the past so it is very believable...
Boll United
17-09-2005, 01:20
Err, I didn't think anyone would take this seriously. Let me point something out.
You have to realize that people aren't that smart. You need to put things like that in great BIG fonts and flashing lights.
I realized it was a joke when I read the title. Anyone who has read anything in the news recently should realize that him running for senate would be incredibly stupid. And even though I can't say I agree with his views, I don't think he's incredibly stupid.