NationStates Jolt Archive

While I enjoy reading and (sometimes) adding to the debates here on NS, I also notice that a lot of threads get really intense. So as a way of releasing some of this tension, I decided to start a thread where we can have *light* fun with politics before going back to the important stuff. So I would like to start a political humour thread. So if you have a joke or something that would make other people really laugh out loud, post it here, enjoy a chuckle or two, and then return to the mud-slinging.

Here we go, political humour post #1:

If pro- is the opposite of con-, and progress is moving forward, then what does congress mean?

Let's see what else is out there.

This is ripped from Bremner, Bird and Fortune, but y'know what? I don't care!
'If you're a crazed megalomaniac in the region (the 'stans), you have three ways to win friends and influence people:
1. Make sure you have a lot of oil. Or gas. Or both.
2. Have a well advanced nuclear weapons programme.
3. Join the War on Terror.'

Yeah, I would say those work...

Here's another one:
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

Yeah, I would say those work...

Here's another one:
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo."

OOC: That's pretty funny. But I think I've heard a variation of it already somewhere.

Ok here's a great one...

What do you call a Soviet who flies planes into buildings?

A COMMI-kaze!!! :p :p :p

oooh! i once wrote a "yupaenu's satirical guide to politics" and put it on nationstates. if i can find the link i'll post it.

Good old Private Eye...
http://www.private-eye.co.uk/covers/1141/1141pe.jpg

Hows about a cartoon.

http://www.conservativenews.org/cartoon/nowakimages/2005/Katrina-Money.jpg

i have found it!
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=434290

James Hacker: Who else is in this department?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well briefly, Sir, I am the Permanent Under Secretary of State, known as the Permanent Secretary. Woolley here is your Principal Private Secretary, I too have a Principal Private Secretary and he is the Principal Private Secretary to the Permanent Secretary. Directly responsible to me are ten Deputy Secretaries, 87 Under Secretaries and 219 Assistant Secretaries. Directly responsible to the Principal Private Secretary are plain Private Secretaries, and the Prime Minister will be appointing two Parliamentary Under Secretaries and you will be appointing your own Parliamentary Private Secretary.
James Hacker: Do they all type?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: No. Mrs. McKay types. She's the secretary.

Houses of Parliament humour, 1800s:-

"You sir will either die on the gallows, or of the pox!"
"that depends, sir, on whether i embrace your principles or your mistress"

politics is derived from amix of latin and english it's derived from the latin "poly" meaning many and ticks, tiny blood sucking creatures

http://www.rightwingnews.com/bushphone1.gif

http://www.stasek.com/mvcouncil/images/trans_burqua.jpg

http://www.naotrc.com/images/politicalcartoons/thelittlegoat.jpg

I'm a Republican... but anything political is a laughing matter. So why not enjoy the political mud-slinger humor?

i have found it!
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=434290
Missed that first time round (though in my defence, I was on holiday). Bloody good!

This actually hangs on the loo-door in the dormitory where I hang out with my friends when I'm not here...

(We take you now to the Oval Office.)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

This actually hangs on the loo-door in the dormitory where I hang out with my friends when I'm not here...

hahahah! brilliant! it's like "who's on first? no, hu's on second"

i've one about the leader of china.
a while ago, president clinton of america was going to visit the leader of china. the leader wanted to study his english to talk with the american president, and they told him to say "hello, how are you?" and when mr. clinton responded with "i'm fine" to say "me too" and that was the end of his english conversation, and he practiced and got good at that, but when mr.clinton arrived, the conversation went;
chinese leader-"hello, who are you?"
american leader-"i'm hilary clinton's husband."
chinese leader-"me too."

this is an old one, but here goes....

Hillary and Bill Clinton, along with Al Gore, were killed simultaneously in a horrible plane crash. Soon after the crash, they all arrive at the pearly gates where God is sitting on his throne waiting for them.

God says to the three of them, "Well, you've all had dodgy lives, but weren't all bad. I want you to tell me one thing you have learned to believe in during your time on earth."

Al Gore says, "God, I really believe I invented the internet."

God replies, "I know you do Al, and although I disagree, I can see that you truly believe. I'm going to make an exception and allow you to come in to heaven. Come here and sit to my left and lets hear what Hillary and Bill have to say." Al obediently takes a seat to the left of God's throne.

Bill Clinton speaks up next and says, "God, during my time on Earth, I learned to BELIEVE in forgiveness. Without forgiveness we've got nothing."

God chuckled, "Bill I am sure you do believe in forgiveness seeing as you have been on the receiving end of it so often. Come here and sit to my right." Bill gleefully skips over and sits to left of God's throne.

Now it was Hillary's turn. God looked at her intently. As he did her face grew redder and redder. Agressively, she finally spoke directly to God, "You want to know what I believe? I BELIEVE you are in my chair!"

I hope that the humor translates without speech.

<snip>
Al obediently takes a seat to the left of God's throne.
<snip>
"Bill I am sure you do believe in forgiveness seeing as you have been on the receiving end of it so often. Come here and sit to my right." Bill gleefully skips over and sits to left of God's throne.

Finally, proof that even with heavenly direction Bill couldn't truly go to the right. Smug little bastard, purposfully contrary and horny to the end!