NationStates Jolt Archive

I am the Oracle. Ask me anything and I shall provide you with answers...sortof. And yes, i'm aware that the Oracle in ancient Greece was female. But I am not Greek.

Oh Oracle of Melbourne. Why do hotdogs come in packages of 10 yet buns only in packages of 8?

Can I have a cookie?

It's currently raining in my location. When will the rain stop?

Oh Oracle of Melbourne. Why do hotdogs come in packages of 10 yet buns only in packages of 8?

Have you ever tried eating 10 hot dogs? This is impossible. Even the great Herculski could not stomach 10 hot dogs with buns. However, he just barely managed to eat 8...and just squeeze the remaining two hot dogs down. For 10 hot dogs and 8 buns is the most any human, no matter how gluttonous, can eat without rupturing internal organs. This is an unchangable law of the universe.

Can I have a cookie?

No, but you can have two leftover hot dogs.

It's currently raining in my location. When will the rain stop?

When the clouds are sufficiently emptied of said rain.

O great and wise Oracle of Melbourne...Is there a God? If there is, why does he hate us so? If there is and he has a reason, is there any way we can get back at the faggot?

O great and wise Oracle of Melbourne...Is there a God? If there is, why does he hate us so? If there is and he has a reason, is there any way we can get back at the faggot?

There is a God, and he hates you because you ask questions he has difficulty answering in an amusing fashion.

And no, no there is not.

EDIT- Though He has given me orders to get back at you for conspiring against Him. I see a vision...you will kill your father and marry your mother.

What is the purpose of this thread? Are there financial rewards awaiting you when you've answered a sufficient number of questions? Are you hoping to attract members of the opposite sex, or indeed, of the same sex, with your all-knowing (some may say arrogant) answers?

What is the purpose of this thread? Are there financial rewards awaiting you when you've answered a sufficient number of questions? Are you hoping to attract members of the opposite sex, or indeed, of the same sex, with your all-knowing (some may say arrogant) answers?

Commandment #1
Thou shalt not question the great oracle.

Commandment #2
It is Viggo, you are like the buzzing of flies to him.


(Hey, can I be your great messenger?)

Commandment #1
Thou shalt not question the great oracle.

Commandment #2
It is Viggo, you are like the buzzing of flies to him.


(Hey, can I be your great messenger?)
What sort of crappy cult/religion/other non-specific adulatory body only has two commandments?

What is the purpose of this thread?

The question is answerable, if you answer me one...What is the purpose of any thread on this forum? :p

Are there financial rewards awaiting you when you've answered a sufficient number of questions?

They would certainly be welcome, but alas, the answer is no.

Are you hoping to attract members of the opposite sex, or indeed, of the same sex, with your all-knowing (some may say arrogant) answers?

No. The Oracle can tell you, however, that posting on an internet forum is generally not the most wise choice of pick-up location. There are worse, however. I would strongly advise against trying to pick up at a funeral, nursing home or school, for instance.

What sort of crappy cult/religion/other non-specific adulatory body only has two commandments?

Hey it's a work in progress.
You really think Moses came up with his ten in one post?

Commandment #1
Thou shalt not question the great oracle.

Commandment #2
It is Viggo, you are like the buzzing of flies to him.


(Hey, can I be your great messenger?)

Viggo Mortensen of Lord of the Rings Fame?

Viggo Mortensen of Lord of the Rings Fame?

NO!!!!!!!!!!!

That is a Ghostbusters II quote, come on people.

(Hey, can I be your great messenger?)

Sure, whatever floats your boat.

Sure, whatever floats your boat.

Woohoo, my boats not gonna sink now, thank you oracle!!

Woohoo, my boats not gonna sink now, thank you oracle!!

*has a vision* Well, not exactly, anyway.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!

That is a Ghostbusters II quote, come on people.

viggo is a legend.scary picture.worrying than such an old man has so vested an interest in a little baby.

The question is answerable, if you answer me one...What is the purpose of any thread on this forum? :p
Well, there are some that have the purpose of attempting to engage in reasoned and well thought out debate. I think I've seen about 2 since I started here...
Then there's the 'I'm going to try to force my beliefs on you' 'No you fucking well are not, ya crazy fool' type.
And finally, the ones that are simply for no purpose whatsoever, which accounts for around 90%

Hey it's a work in progress.
You really think Moses came up with his ten in one post?
IIRC, God gave them to him...so yes.

IIRC, God gave them to him...so yes.

Moses was supposedly on that mountain long enough that the Israelites lost faith in him, how do you know God gave them all to him at once?

Well, there are some that have the purpose of attempting to engage in reasoned and well thought out debate. I think I've seen about 2 since I started here...
Then there's the 'I'm going to try to force my beliefs on you' 'No you fucking well are not, ya crazy fool' type.
And finally, the ones that are simply for no purpose whatsoever, which accounts for around 90.

Then your answer is self evident. To waste time, of course.

Moses was supposedly on that mountain long enough that the Israelites lost faith in him, how do you know God gave them all to him at once?
Don't Christians believe that God knows everything because he is everywhen? In which case, to God, he would have given them all to Moses at once. Check, and mate! :p

which tastes better: pizza or pie?

Don't Christians believe that God knows everything because he is everywhen? In which case, to God, he would have given them all to Moses at once. Check, and mate! :p

But to Moses that isn't necessarily all at once, you are overlooking reference frame. Delta t in respect to infinity is always zero, yet delta to a finite time is never.

*Uses Space-Time knowledge to move out of checkmate*

Don't Christians believe that God knows everything because he is everywhen? In which case, to God, he would have given them all to Moses at once. Check, and mate! :p

Yes, but God also created procrastination. He was off doing something else and too lazy to look after Moses properly.

which tastes better: pizza or pie?

That depends what sort of pizza and what sort of pie.

which tastes better: pizza or pie?

pizza pie,duh.

i make-a you a nice pizza pie

Commandment #2
It is Viggo, you are like the buzzing of flies to him.
Haha. Good movie.

But to Moses that isn't necessarily all at once, you are overlooking reference frame. Delta t in respect to infinity is always zero, yet delta to a finite time is never.

*Uses Space-Time knowledge to move out of checkmate*
But the whole point was when the commandments were thought up, and God was the one who thought them up. When he gave them to Moses is irrelevant if they'd already been thought up. Unless he just made them up on the spot when Moses asked for them. Which would explain a lot about Christianity really...

But the whole point was when the commandments were thought up, and God was the one who thought them up. When he gave them to Moses is irrelevant if they'd already been thought up. Unless he just made them up on the spot when Moses asked for them. Which would explain a lot about Christianity really...

Again, in Moses's knowledge, God might just have been like here write this down and destroy the golden calf when ya get down there.

O sage of sages, why is lesbian porn so delightful and tantalizing?

Most Enlightened, is Kurt Cobain in Hell?

Oooo Ooooo,

Oracle... can I be your official interpretor? We'll make people walk a 100 mile pilgrimage to understand the meanings of your words.

Oooo Ooooo,

Oracle... can I be your official interpretor? We'll make people walk a 100 mile pilgrimage to understand the meanings of your words.
Or they could look in a dictionary. Here's one - www.dictionary.com
Anyway, I'm off to watch the football...oracle, please tell me the final score. And no, I'm not going to tell you which match...

i am sure your efforts and talent are appreciated here, but let me tell you there was an advice thread a few months back, by an Occidio something or other, and it was the funniest thing i have ever read. too bad there was some perverts that kept asking her all these sex questions, and got her into trouble, and started a rash of unneccesary mod action against her.

for shame.

O' Oracle of Australianess, what should I do if a dingo is trying to eat me?

O' Oracle of Australianess, what should I do if a dingo is trying to eat me?
even i can answer this one. ask that Occidio broad.

Oh Oracle, Do slugs serve any purpose whatsoever, or do they just lie around lookink slimy?

Also, is there any way I effectively beat a Ninja using only a Kitten and explosives?

:mp5: naziz will rise again death to our enemies :mp5:

My question:

Why?

Let me see you figure that out! :)

Oh Oracle, Do slugs serve any purpose whatsoever, or do they just lie around lookink slimy?

Also, is there any way I effectively beat a Ninja using only a Kitten and explosives?

Everyone knows that, place the explosives, and wait for the ninja. When the ninja arrives to snatch the explosives, throw the kitten at it. The result will be satisfying.

:mp5: naziz will rise again death to our enemies :mp5:

Someone's not going to last very long around here.

Due to the Oracle's physical absence, I, his most trusted interpretor, shall grant you his answers.

Oh Oracle, Do slugs serve any purpose whatsoever, or do they just lie around lookink slimy?

Also, is there any way I effectively beat a Ninja using only a Kitten and explosives?
1) Yes, they are inteded to give salt a second purpose.

2) Distract the ninja with the explosives, whilst the kitten begins to infuriate the ninjas horrible allergies.

My question:

Why?

Let me see you figure that out! :)

Because.

Because.

Damn you! I somehow knew that would be the answer...

Why does fanboys exist, as all logic says they would be out of the genepool a long time ago?

Damn you! I somehow knew that would be the answer...

Why does fanboys exist, as all logic says they would be out of the genepool a long time ago?

The genepool was overflooded a few leaked into a neighboring pool and someone unwisely went into that pool and then returned to the normal pool without washing.

O sage of sages, why is lesbian porn so delightful and tantalizing?

There is no penis.

Most Enlightened, is Kurt Cobain in Hell?

No, he's currently laughing it up in an obscure Carribean island with Jim Morrisson, Bob Marley, etc.

Or they could look in a dictionary. Here's one - www.dictionary.com
Anyway, I'm off to watch the football...oracle, please tell me the final score. And no, I'm not going to tell you which match...

The score is not necessary, but the result is: you lose, for you have wasted some hours of your life watching something as inane and inconsequential as a sports match.

O' Oracle of Australianess, what should I do if a dingo is trying to eat me?

Kick it in the balls.

:mp5: naziz will rise again death to our enemies :mp5:

An interesting statement. No, but you will kill your mother and marry your birth father, who is a Jew.

Oh Oracle, Do slugs serve any purpose whatsoever, or do they just lie around lookink slimy?

They're a dietary supplement for French people who are allergic to snails.

Also, is there any way I effectively beat a Ninja using only a Kitten and explosives?

Yes, if said Ninja is bedridden and allergic to cats.

Oooo Ooooo,

Oracle... can I be your official interpretor? We'll make people walk a 100 mile pilgrimage to understand the meanings of your words.

Sure, I reserve the right to overrule your interpretations, though. :p

Did you ever burn your pubes dancing around the fire naked?

Did you ever burn your pubes dancing around the fire naked?

:D

Do butt-crack hairs count as pubes in your definition? If so, yes.

:D

Do butt-crack hairs count as pubes in your definition? If so, yes.
;)

Did it hurt?

Oh, and what should I name my first kid?

I am the Oracle. Ask me anything and I shall provide you with answers...sortof. And yes, i'm aware that the Oracle in ancient Greece was female. But I am not Greek.

Oracle, could you possibly give me the Ohio Lottery numbers? I could use some money.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!

That is a Ghostbusters II quote, come on people.
i got it! go me :)

Oh Great and Wize Oracle of Melbourne, tell me how i may skive off work to go watch the Ghostbusters movies... if such skiving activities meet your divine approval of course...

The score is not necessary, but the result is: you lose, for you have wasted some hours of your life watching something as inane and inconsequential as a sports match.
Err...no, it was 2-1. My faith in you is destroyed.

;)

Did it hurt?

Oh, and what should I name my first kid?

Somewhat.

I recommend the name "Jonas".

Oracle, could you possibly give me the Ohio Lottery numbers? I could use some money.

It is an unspoken law of the Oracle that you never ask it any question involving gambling.

However, I shall grant a minor exception.

In the Ohio Super Lotto, there shall be 7 numbers drawn. There is a one in 50 chance that the first number will be 24.

Based on sheer probability, I advise you not to buy a ticket if you are in desperate need of money.

Oh Great and Wize Oracle of Melbourne, tell me how i may skive off work to go watch the Ghostbusters movies... if such skiving activities meet your divine approval of course...

Jump from a 2nd storey window. There is some chance that you will not be incapacitated enough to prevent you from watching Ghostbusters, while at the same time preventing you from being unable to do work of any form.


Err...no, it was 2-1. My faith in you is destroyed.

I knew that. I'm talking about you. You lost for wasting your time watching that foolish game. :p

Jump from a 2nd storey window. There is some chance that you will not be incapacitated enough to prevent you from watching Ghostbusters, while at the same time preventing you from being unable to do work of any form.


:eek: brilliant! i can watch it in the hospital!
thank you, Mr Oracle :)

It is an unspoken law of the Oracle that you never ask it any question involving gambling.

However, I shall grant a minor exception.

In the Ohio Super Lotto, there shall be 7 numbers drawn. There is a one in 50 chance that the first number will be 24.

Based on sheer probability, I advise you not to buy a ticket if you are in desperate need of money.

What about a philosophical question? Should Socrates have drank the hemlock?

Hey Utracia, where from Cincinnati are you from? A of now I'm at UC working.

Sure, I reserve the right to overrule your interpretations, though. :p

I promise, my interpretations will be wise and probably helpful.

Hey Utracia, where from Cincinnati are you from? A of now I'm at UC working.

I live in Greenhills. (Just south of Forest Park since no one seems to know where Greenhills is) I'll actually be going to UC for classes next week. Maybe the Bearcats will actually win a football game...

I live in Greenhills. (Just south of Forest Park since no one seems to know where Greenhills is :rolleyes:) I'll actually be going to UC for classes next week. Maybe the Bearcats will actually win a football game...

I know well where Greenhills is, is a fucking speedtrap down Winton Rd. i from a little north of Mt. Healthy. You're the first Cincinnatian on the forums that I've met.

I know well where Greenhills is, is a fucking speedtrap down Winton Rd. i from a little north of Mt. Healthy. You're the first Cincinnatian on the forums that I've met.

I agree on the speed trap! The cops have nothing better to do and people are still dumb enough to speed so...

:eek: brilliant! i can watch it in the hospital!
thank you, Mr Oracle :)

You're quite welcome!

What about a philosophical question? Should Socrates have drank the hemlock?

Considering that the alternative was probably much more painful, yes.

What is infinity divided by the crusty tase of a cheese pizza?

What is infinity divided by the crusty tase of a cheese pizza?

The square root of your mother.

Ninjas or pirates?

Ninjas or pirates?

Ninjapirates.

Cleaning a 1,250 square foot house filled with junk, or an outhouse on an asparagus farm?

Cleaning a 1,250 square foot house filled with junk, or an outhouse on an asparagus farm?

Cleaning a 1,250 square foot outhouse filled with uh...junk.

Cleaning a 1,250 square foot outhouse filled with uh...junk.

Good choice :p.

Will this thread ever end, or will it become an all-consuming über-thread that even the mods won't be able to control? Or will they just lock it at some point in the close future, because they can't bear to see people enjoying themselves on this forum?

Will this thread ever end, or will it become an all-consuming über-thread that even the mods won't be able to control? Or will they just lock it at some point in the close future, because they can't bear to see people enjoying themselves on this forum?

The latter, duh. :p