NationStates Jolt Archive

This issue seems to pop up occasionally and begs a few questions.

Who is doing it? If you are married or with someone is it cheating? Do you think men are more into it than women, about the same, or woman moreso than men?

Cyber sex makes no sense to me unless you're doing as a joke and in the end plan to be like, "Surprise, I'm really a dude, don't you feel stupid!!HAHAHAHA"

Else why have cybersex when you can have real sex.

Cyber sex makes no sense to me unless you're doing as a joke and in the end plan to be like, "Surprise, I'm really a dude, don't you feel stupid!!HAHAHAHA"

Else why have cybersex when you can have real sex.

Lmao...ah, I remember the good old days....

As the old saying goes:

"Yahoo sex chats -- where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are police officers."

;)

As for whether or not it's cheating, well, I suppose that's up to couples to decide between them. If that communication doesn't happen, I'd expect that most people would consider it unfaithful.

This issue seems to pop up occasionally and begs a few questions.

Who is doing it? If you are married or with someone is it cheating? Do you think men are more into it than women, about the same, or woman moreso than men?

I am. :fluffle:

Interesting point.

Actually...a friend of mine and I had a contest like 10 years ago when AOL chat rooms were hot and AIM was strictly for AOL users. She said she could get more people to IM her. She went into a room, chatted for a bit and got about 5 IMs in half an hour.

I went in, said I was a 15 year old girl, horny and my parents weren't home. I had 50 IMs in 5 minutes and then the computer shut down. Needless to say, I won.

I would have to say that it depends on your relationship what is cheating and what isn't. It is understood in my marriage that even an emotional relationship with someone of the opposite sex is cheating. So cyber sex would be too. I know of couples who are swingers though (not that I think that swinging is healthy or anything) and I don't think that cybersex would be a problem for them.

Cyber sex makes no sense to me unless you're doing as a joke and in the end plan to be like, "Surprise, I'm really a dude, don't you feel stupid!!HAHAHAHA"

Else why have cybersex when you can have real sex.
Well, my friend, not all of us are as apparently lucky as you to have a g/friend who lives close enough to take care of seminal pressure on frequent basis. :P

When I grow up, I want to be like Captain Horn.

Interesting point.

Actually...a friend of mine and I had a contest like 10 years ago when AOL chat rooms were hot and AIM was strictly for AOL users. She said she could get more people to IM her. She went into a room, chatted for a bit and got about 5 IMs in half an hour.

I went in, said I was a 15 year old girl, horny and my parents weren't home. I had 50 IMs in 5 minutes and then the computer shut down. Needless to say, I won.
ROFLMAO!

When I grow up, I want to be like Captain Horn.
I think I detect a note of sarcasm here. Tsk! :p

I think I detect a note of sarcasm here. Tsk! :p

Sarcasm? Sir, no, sir! RESPECT!

never have, never will... strikes me as kinda pathetic

and i'd only find it funny if i could actually see the look on some dude's face when i revealed the ugly truth to him, otherwise it just wouldn't be funny (just malicious...)

Cyber sex? Ain't it a little hard to type one handed? No thanks. If I feel the need to stroke it I'll look at porn.

Cyber sex? Ain't it a little hard to type one handed? No thanks. If I feel the need to stroke it I'll look at porn.

ya, i rather look at porn than text in an IM box...

I would have to say that it depends on your relationship what is cheating and what isn't. It is understood in my marriage that even an emotional relationship with someone of the opposite sex is cheating. So cyber sex would be too. I know of couples who are swingers though (not that I think that swinging is healthy or anything) and I don't think that cybersex would be a problem for them.

For swingers I think cyber sex would be the least of their problems.

I think that swingers, while they sublimate themselves often enough, lead a very unhealthy lifestyle of mistrust and a general lack in the confidence of the physical relationships. Of people I've known that were swingers, I think over 75% of them are divorced now, generally because the wife finds a new relationship.

Tag

I think that whatever floats your boat....if you are happy in a "swinging" relationship, who am I to say it is wrong or right, stats don't prove anything anyway....life's about being happy, and if you want to get off by typing words into a little IM box, by all means knock yourself out.... however there's nothing like the real thing!!

:fluffle:

"Life may not always be the party we expected, but as long as were here, we might as well dance!"

Interesting point.

Actually...a friend of mine and I had a contest like 10 years ago when AOL chat rooms were hot and AIM was strictly for AOL users. She said she could get more people to IM her. She went into a room, chatted for a bit and got about 5 IMs in half an hour.

I went in, said I was a 15 year old girl, horny and my parents weren't home. I had 50 IMs in 5 minutes and then the computer shut down. Needless to say, I won.



LMFAO

For swingers I think cyber sex would be the least of their problems.

I think that swingers, while they sublimate themselves often enough, lead a very unhealthy lifestyle of mistrust and a general lack in the confidence of the physical relationships. Of people I've known that were swingers, I think over 75% of them are divorced now, generally because the wife finds a new relationship.

yeah I have a friend who was in a marriage where they were swingers(they are divorced now) I told her that I wouldn't want to share my husband with anyone and she said"well, we aren't going to let a little thing like sex get in the way of our marriage" I so didn't understand. I mean if you aren't getting what you need from your partner then you need to have a serious talk, going outside of the marriage for anything (emotional, physical, ect.) seems to be the begining of trouble.

I think cyber sex is fairly harmless in comparison to swinging. It's basically masturbation with text, the same as porn, but with mild interaction.

I think cyber sex is fairly harmless in comparison to swinging. It's basically masturbation with text, the same as porn, but with mild interaction.
yeah. but my thing is that it opens the door for you to seek pleasure outside of the relationship similar to my problem with porn being that it puts lustful thoughts in your mind that are not for your spouse. but that is only my point of veiw I don't think porn should be outlawed or anything I just don't see that it has any purpose but to cause problems.

I tried cybersex, but couldn't fit my dick into the modem.

yeah. but my thing is that it opens the door for you to seek pleasure outside of the relationship similar to my problem with porn being that it puts lustful thoughts in your mind that are not for your spouse. but that is only my point of veiw I don't think porn should be outlawed or anything I just don't see that it has any purpose but to cause problems.

While I agree partially, porn can also open avenues of opportunities for things you can do with your spouse. Cybersex, like porn, can give ideas, other than "lustful thoughts about others".

While I agree partially, porn can also open avenues of opportunities for things you can do with your spouse. Cybersex, like porn, can give ideas, other than "lustful thoughts about others".
well. I don't partake in either and neither does my husband but we aren't really running short of ideas. I think it is kinda like playing with fire, eventually you are going to get burnt.

yeah. but my thing is that it opens the door for you to seek pleasure outside of the relationship similar to my problem with porn being that it puts lustful thoughts in your mind that are not for your spouse. but that is only my point of veiw I don't think porn should be outlawed or anything I just don't see that it has any purpose but to cause problems.

I thought this post was a joke at first, but then I read the poster's "location" as "in the Bible Belt."

And then it suddenly became a lot less funny.

I tried cybersex, but couldn't fit my dick into the modem.

damn*wanted to be the one that said that*

Tag

You do know that counts as spam now, right?

It is understood in my marriage that even an emotional relationship with someone of the opposite sex is cheating.

Woah. MAybe I'm misunderstanding you, but that sounds like you're married to a major control freak.

i will tell you who is having cyber sex now.

old balding pedophiles.
young hairy pedophiles.
teenagers with a computer in their bedroom, and too much acne to open the door.
teenagers with a computer in their bedroom, and too little common sense to understand that the other person does have a significant other, and really is not coming to visit them.
housewives, looking for an escape for their demanding plumber of a husband.
housewives ,looking for an escape from their chubby, viagra needing accountant husbands.
housewives, disgusted with their husbands, period.
any married person who doesnt like anal sex.
any married person who likes anal sex, and cant get hubby to agree
any divorced man over 30 who drives a harley.
anyone in a chat gang.

Woah. MAybe I'm misunderstanding you, but that sounds like you're married to a major control freak.
or he is.... why do you say that anyway?

I thought this post was a joke at first, but then I read the poster's "location" as "in the Bible Belt."

And then it suddenly became a lot less funny.
yeah sucks to be me. all moral all the time...... :rolleyes:

"Yahoo sex chats -- where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are police officers."
That about sums it up.

or he is.... why do you say that anyway?

Well, it might help me not sound like an ass if you define an "emotional relationship".

yeah sucks to be me. all self-righteous all the time...... :rolleyes:

Fixed

This issue seems to pop up occasionally and begs a few questions.

Who is doing it? If you are married or with someone is it cheating? Do you think men are more into it than women, about the same, or woman moreso than men?

*Tries to pretend he came here to debate the issue rather than...*

"Oh, er, I think it is totally wrong and disgusting. I only look at such sites to show my disgust for them." ('Yes, that should stick.')

Well, it might help me not sound like an ass if you define an "emotional relationship".
ah. yeah. an emotional relationship is one with a person of the opposite sex, where you basically go and complain about your spouse to and tell things that you don't think you can share with your spouse. 90% of the time these relationships lead to sex (ie at first we were just friends, my husband didn't seem to understand me or really know me but he did and we just talked and talked and talked and one thing let to another.)

We prefer to talk to eachother about everything, even things that the other does that just really annoys us. If for some reason you really need to vent about your spouse you have plenty of same sex friends that you can talk to. Men tend to be rescuers if they hear enough about how crappy your spouse is they try to rescue you from the relationship. (even if you don't need to be rescued)

I have many male friends but I am careful not to get too close, to avoid even the appearance of evil. My husband does the same, he has come across many women who try to engage in an "emotional friendship" with him, complaining about thier S/O and his response is to either A change the subject or if he feels that she is in sincere need of a friend, he will introduce them to me. (double point, she will realize he is happily married and she will also have a friend to talk to so he doesn't have to deal with her anymore, I know that sounds cruel but I am having trouble rewording it)

if I didn't explain it well here is a link (http://www.relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm?article_ID=156)

Fixed
self-rightious? I am sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to imply that you were immoral or anything. I was just trying to say that I try to hold myself to a higher standard than most. I don't really know you to judge your morality and even if I did it isn't my place to judge. sorry if I offended.

yeah sucks to be me. all moral all the time...... :rolleyes:

I'll take that as sarcasm...if you and your guy aren't running out of ideas, there is some immorality there...or a lot of batteries

self-rightious? I am sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to imply that you were immoral or anything. I was just trying to say that I try to hold myself to a higher standard than most. I don't really know you to judge your morality and even if I did it isn't my place to judge. sorry if I offended.

I was willing to support you...right up to "I try to hold myself to a higher standard than most". Implying there are few here whose standards are as high as yours...hence a bit of sneaking self-righteousness in your own wording.

I was ready to back you up there too Smunkee...but now?

I'll take that as sarcasm...if you and your guy aren't running out of ideas, there is some immorality there...or a lot of batteries
immorallity? how so?

I was willing to support you...right up to "I try to hold myself to a higher standard than most". Implying there are few here whose standards are as high as yours...hence a bit of sneaking self-righteousness in your own wording.

I was ready to back you up there too Smunkee...but now?
okay I meant I hold my self up to a higher standard then I hold most others. You of all people should know I have trouble wording things. ;) re-reading it I do see what you mean though. Thank you for pointing it out so I could clarify.

ah. yeah. an emotional relationship is one with a person of the opposite sex, where you basically go and complain about your spouse to and tell things that you don't think you can share with your spouse. 90% of the time these relationships lead to sex (ie at first we were just friends, my husband didn't seem to understand me or really know me but he did and we just talked and talked and talked and one thing let to another.)

We prefer to talk to eachother about everything, even things that the other does that just really annoys us. If for some reason you really need to vent about your spouse you have plenty of same sex friends that you can talk to. Men tend to be rescuers if they hear enough about how crappy your spouse is they try to rescue you from the relationship. (even if you don't need to be rescued)

I have many male friends but I am careful not to get too close, to avoid even the appearance of evil. My husband does the same, he has come across many women who try to engage in an "emotional friendship" with him, complaining about thier S/O and his response is to either A change the subject or if he feels that she is in sincere need of a friend, he will introduce them to me. (double point, she will realize he is happily married and she will also have a friend to talk to so he doesn't have to deal with her anymore, I know that sounds cruel but I am having trouble rewording it)

if I didn't explain it well here is a link (http://www.relationship-institute.com/freearticles_detail.cfm?article_ID=156)

Okay, thanks for clearing that up.

It sounds almost as though you can't trust yourself/your husband to say "no, I'm married". But hey, it's your life, not mine, and at least it's not a total exclusion of emotional relationships (which to me would mean all friendships).

Okay, thanks for clearing that up.

It sounds almost as though you can't trust yourself/your husband to say "no, I'm married". But hey, it's your life, not mine, and at least it's not a total exclusion of emotional relationships (which to me would mean all friendships).
of course we trust ourselves and our spouse to say "no" but isn't it even better to avoid any temptation that you can? I do have friendships and I am "emotionally involved" with my friends but when you get married your relationship with that person has to be one of your top priorities. Otherwise you end up in a bad marriage or worse yet divorced.

okay I meant I hold my self up to a higher standard then I hold most others. You of all people should know I have trouble wording things. ;) re-reading it I do see what you mean though. Thank you for pointing it out so I could clarify.

Okey...that does make more sense. ;)

Okey...that does make more sense. ;)
now that we cleared that up.... why do you assume immorality in my marriage?

of course we trust ourselves and our spouse to say "no" but isn't it even better to avoid any temptation that you can?

I say no. Some of my closest friendships are with women (I'm male) and I wouldn't want to be forced to abandon the ability to bitch to them about my girlfriend.

Hell, half the time they offer the best advice.

I say no. Some of my closest friendships are with women (I'm male) and I wouldn't want to be forced to abandon the ability to bitch to them about my girlfriend.

Hell, half the time they offer the best advice.
sure. I can understand that. In my relationship though we prefer to complain about eachother to eachother. Different things for different people though.

now that we cleared that up.... why do you assume immorality in my marriage?

Not immorality so much, as to say that if it is kept interesting, there are more than likely things going on that stray from the norm perhaps. Maybe immoral was the wrong word.

I can only speak for myself, but I like cybersex. always have. But then again, I neither have a husband nor nor do I intend to ever get married. If I was in a serious relationship, I suppose I wouldn't do it as it would still feel like cheating on my partner.
I do know of married guys, however, who use cybersex rather than starting real-life relationships outside their marriage, the reason being mainly sexual frustration. In a way, I can understand that. Still loving your wife, not wanting to leave her, but not getting all you need at home...

self-rightious? I am sorry if I offended you. I didn't mean to imply that you were immoral or anything. I was just trying to say that I try to hold myself to a higher standard than most. I don't really know you to judge your morality and even if I did it isn't my place to judge. sorry if I offended.

What offends me are people who think their standards of morality are the only right ones. By calling your morality a "higher standard" you explicitly show that you think your standards are better than other people's.

Hence, you are self-righteous.

Edited after reading a later post of yours: It's all well and good to hold yourself to standards you consider high. But your posts positively drip of the notion that you think those who don't follow your personal moral code are then immoral.

I think cyber sex is fairly harmless in comparison to swinging. It's basically masturbation with text, the same as porn, but with mild interaction.

Cyber sex is a relatively harmless outlet for both sexes in societies that are extremely or moderately repressive. Swinging and even pornography seem to me to have 'victims' whose participation in such activities can be coerced in one way or another. Whether such activity as cyber sex constitutes 'cheating', I am not certain. I think there are many lonely, shy, and/or religious people whose married life (owing to both partners working different schedules, absentee husbands or wives, etc.) requires the addition of spice to make it palatable. It is sad that some people do not seem to care that their cyber pleasure may come at the expense of children.

LMAO

Oh my god how topics change, I have to questions,

1 Why would anyone feel the need to discuss this topic
2 why did any one feel the Need to answer in the first place .... .... .... .... Carefull! :rolleyes:

Not immorality so much, as to say that if it is kept interesting, there are more than likely things going on that stray from the norm perhaps. Maybe immoral was the wrong word.
ah but normal is such a relative word. I thought for a minute you were one of those people who actually believe that Christains have all these weird sex rules.
You know missionary only for procreation only type of thing.

What offends me are people who think their standards of morality are the only right ones. By calling your morality a "higher standard" you explicitly show that you think your standards are better than other people's.

Hence, you are self-righteous.

Editted after reading a later post of yours: It's all well and good to hold yourself to standards you consider high. But your posts positively drip of the notion that you think those who don't follow your personal moral code are then immoral.
morality to me is very personal. I expect more self control from myself than I do from others. My morality is the only right one for me. Even if I do think that my way is better, I do have the right to think that, just like you have the right to get defensive and call me self-rightious. My main point of my apology was that I wasn't trying to offend you or put you down or say that you were anything bad or good depending on your perception of my morals. I was making a statement about myself, not intended to call into question anything about you or what you think about me. sorry again.....

sure. I can understand that. In my relationship though we prefer to complain about eachother to eachother. Different things for different people though.

It's probably also a difference between marriage and just boyfreind/girlfriend relationships.

With marriage, you're generally living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed every night etc. Which presumably makes it harder to hide from your partner if you've had a big fight, also lessening the potential need for any intermediaries.

I tried cybersex, but couldn't fit my dick into the modem.
*shudders*

LMAO

Oh my god how topics change, I have to questions,

1 Why would anyone feel the need to discuss this topic
2 why did any one feel the Need to answer in the first place .... .... .... .... Carefull! :rolleyes:

I'm not sure these questions wouldn't be more suited to the incest thread.

I'm not sure these questions wouldn't be more suited to the incest thread.

I think they would... there have been far stranger topics on discussion on this forum.

morality to me is very personal. I expect more self control from myself than I do from others. My morality is the only right one for me. Even if I do think that my way is better, I do have the right to think that, just like you have the right to get defensive and call me self-rightious. My main point of my apology was that I wasn't trying to offend you or put you down or say that you were anything bad or good depending on your perception of my morals. I was making a statement about myself, not intended to call into question anything about you or what you think about me. sorry again.....

You're really missing the point, Smunkee.

What offends people is the very "I hold myself to a higher standard than you do" claptrap. You cannot say something like that without the implication that you think you're better than others.

For instance, I lead what I consider to be a very moral life. You, however, would not think it so. Because of what you believe (god and what he "said" through the Bible) you consider your moral fiber to be better than mine, and basically everyone else who is not like you.

Can you see how that would be universally offensive to people who don't share your beliefs?

Again, I applaud you for holding yourself to a high standard of morality. But implying that it is highER in any way than someone else's is where you're going to offend people.

It's probably also a difference between marriage and just boyfreind/girlfriend relationships.

With marriage, you're generally living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed every night etc. Which presumably makes it harder to hide from your partner if you've had a big fight, also lessening the potential need for any intermediaries.
true. I teach a marriage class for nearly/newly weds in the spring, and one thing I try to instill in them is that when you were single it was "boy/girlfriends come and go but friends are forever" and when you get married that kinda switches around "your husband/wife is here forever and friends come and go" I have had a few engaged couples who realized that they shouldn't get married because they were unwilling to "forsake all others" for thier fiance.

true. I teach a marriage class for nearly/newly weds in the spring, and one thing I try to instill in them is that when you were single it was "boy/girlfriends come and go but friends are forever" and when you get married that kinda switches around "your husband/wife is here forever and friends come and go" I have had a few engaged couples who realized that they shouldn't get married because they were unwilling to "forsake all others" for thier fiance.

Forsaking all others doesn't mean that you throw them away, though. It means that you place your spouse higher on the priority list, that's all.

true. I teach a marriage class for nearly/newly weds in the spring, and one thing I try to instill in them is that when you were single it was "boy/girlfriends come and go but friends are forever" and when you get married that kinda switches around "your husband/wife is here forever and friends come and go" I have had a few engaged couples who realized that they shouldn't get married because they were unwilling to "forsake all others" for thier fiance.

I always thought that forsaking all others was just about sexual relationships? (although I guess this is again a personal choice/ interpretation thing)

You're really missing the point, Smunkee.

What offends people is the very "I hold myself to a higher standard than you do" claptrap. You cannot say something like that without the implication that you think you're better than others.

For instance, I lead what I consider to be a very moral life. You, however, would not think it so. Because of what you believe (god and what he "said" through the Bible) you consider your moral fiber to be better than mine, and basically everyone else who is not like you.

Can you see how that would be universally offensive to people who don't share your beliefs?

Again, I applaud you for holding yourself to a high standard of morality. But implying that it is highER in any way than someone else's is where you're going to offend people.
I have to repeat this once again and then I am done with this conversation. I hold my self to higher standards than I expect from others. I don't think that thier standards are beneath mine. I am not better than anyone, nor is anyone better than me. I don't think that anyone is beneath me. I don't think that my standards are higher than thiers, and I don't understand how forcing myself to have self discipline and self control at a level that I don't expect from others could offend anyone. Why would you care? What should offend you is the people who expect you to live up to thier standards, I am not one of those people.

I always thought that forsaking all others was just about sexual relationships? (although I guess this is again a personal choice/ interpretation thing)
it is about sexual relationships, but also about making your spouse more important than others in your life. "For this reason a man will leave his mother and father and become united with his wife..." Genisis 2:24

Forsaking all others doesn't mean that you throw them away, though. It means that you place your spouse higher on the priority list, that's all.
of course, and we were talking about getting into an "emotional relationship" where all your energy and emotional intimacy are used up on someone who isn't your spouse. making that person first and your spouse second, or lower depending on what else you are up to.

Cyber sex? Ain't it a little hard to type one handed? No thanks. If I feel the need to stroke it I'll look at porn.


my man here poses a interestin point
its hard to wack a type at da same time
take it from someone who knows

of course, and we were talking about getting into an "emotional relationship" where all your energy and emotional intimacy are used up on someone who isn't your spouse. making that person first and your spouse second, or lower depending on what else you are up to.

Hmm... I came away from your earlier post thinking that you believed ANY amount of emotional intimacy outside your marriage was bad.

Apologies if I misunderstood you.

Hmm... I came away from your earlier post thinking that you believed ANY amount of emotional intimacy outside your marriage was bad.

Apologies if I misunderstood you.
accepted. sorry if I am confusing. I often misword what I really mean. I try not to get mad when it is my fault for being vague.

*shudders*

Sorry, my bad :p

Cyber is a lot like porn...

but its more interesting...

When I was 15 and 16, I had just moved away from all my friends, about half an hour away, which I understand isn't much in a city, but it's a lot here. So I had no friends. And I was homeschooling. So I spent a lot of time online. And I had online 'boyfriends' cuz my self esteem was shot from breaking up with a fairly serious boyfriend. And I cybered a few times. Now, if I'm not in the mood and I want to masturbate, I'll talk to one of the guys I knew from then for a few minutes, but it's not the same. It's more of a flirting thing, rather than role-playing sex.

Cyber is a lot like porn...

but its more interesting...

WAY more interesting. Watching porn is nice, but Cybersex has this realtime aspect... plus it's such a turn-on to know that somebody somewhere is sitting in front of his computer, chatting with you and masturbating...

ah but normal is such a relative word. I thought for a minute you were one of those people who actually believe that Christains have all these weird sex rules.
You know missionary only for procreation only type of thing.

Don't be so quick to snicker. I've heard some super-Christians do.

I also know of quite a few Christians who act as if they only go missionary for pro-creation but get caught stuck in handcuffs or unable to unzipper their BDSM outfits.

LMAO

Oh my god how topics change, I have to questions,

1 Why would anyone feel the need to discuss this topic
2 why did any one feel the Need to answer in the first place .... .... .... .... Carefull! :rolleyes:

1) I thought it would generate interesting conversation (I think I was right about that).

2) Because others thought the same.

Don't be so quick to snicker. I've heard some super-Christians do.

I also know of quite a few Christians who act as if they only go missionary for pro-creation but get caught stuck in handcuffs or unable to unzipper their BDSM outfits.
yeah. I haven't really found any biblical basis for the missionary/procreation thing. As far as I am concerned pretty much anything a husband and wife can do together is fair game (no porn, other people, ect.)

of course we trust ourselves and our spouse to say "no" but isn't it even better to avoid any temptation that you can? I do have friendships and I am "emotionally involved" with my friends but when you get married your relationship with that person has to be one of your top priorities. Otherwise you end up in a bad marriage or worse yet divorced.


Ok, wait a minute. I am not trying to knock anyone's marriage, let me put that out there right away.

I am marrying my best friend in less than a month and there is nothing that I cannot tell him, say to him, ask of him and vice versa. Even so, we both have friends of the opposite sex who we are close with. It comes down to a matter of trust in yourself and your marriage. I don't agree with the comment of being better to avoid the temptation. If there is trust, total complete and unbreakable trust, then there is no reason that you have to avoid temptation, IMHO.

I totally agree that the relationship with your husband/wife has to be number one, is number one.

Like I said, I am not trying to knock your marriage, or anyone's for that matter, just wanted to comment. Maybe I am a little to idealistic in what I expect from my marriage.


Edit- Sorry, smunkee, just read the other post about the emotional relationships and totally agree with you. I see your point on that now, but I still don't think it is something (temptation of friends, etc.) that you have to avoid being close friends with members of the opposite sex.

Ok, wait a minute. I am not trying to knock anyone's marriage, let me put that out there right away.

I am marrying my best friend in less than a month and there is nothing that I cannot tell him, say to him, ask of him and vice versa. Even so, we both have friends of the opposite sex who we are close with. It comes down to a matter of trust in yourself and your marriage. I don't agree with the comment of being better to avoid the temptation. If there is trust, total complete and unbreakable trust, then there is no reason that you have to avoid temptation, IMHO.

I totally agree that the relationship with your husband/wife has to be number one, is number one. But that does not mean you can not have friendships with other people of the opposite sex that are "emotional" (unless you are giving another meaning to the word "emotional"). I didn't know that once you signed the piece of paper you had to stop caring and feeling about all other members of the opposite sex.

Like I said, I am not trying to knock your marriage, or anyone's for that matter, just wanted to comment. Maybe I am a little to idealistic in what I expect from my marriage, but maybe I am getting it right as well.
From the perspective of over 30 years of marriage ( now over ) and 62 years of living, it sounds to me as if you're right on the money! Kudos! :)

Ok, wait a minute. I am not trying to knock anyone's marriage, let me put that out there right away.

I am marrying my best friend in less than a month and there is nothing that I cannot tell him, say to him, ask of him and vice versa. Even so, we both have friends of the opposite sex who we are close with. It comes down to a matter of trust in yourself and your marriage. I don't agree with the comment of being better to avoid the temptation. If there is trust, total complete and unbreakable trust, then there is no reason that you have to avoid temptation, IMHO.

I totally agree that the relationship with your husband/wife has to be number one, is number one. But that does not mean you can not have friendships with other people of the opposite sex that are "emotional" (unless you are giving another meaning to the word "emotional"). I didn't know that once you signed the piece of paper you had to stop caring and feeling about all other members of the opposite sex.

Like I said, I am not trying to knock your marriage, or anyone's for that matter, just wanted to comment. Maybe I am a little to idealistic in what I expect from my marriage, but maybe I am getting it right as well.

yeah I have friends of the opposite sex, and I love them and care for them. When I talk about an emotional affair (or relationship) I am talking about when those friends get the most you have and your spouse gets nothing. I do trust myself and my spouse, our general rule is don't do something you wouldn't want your spouse to do. For example if it would hurt him for me to be at a strip bar lusting after men, then likewise he doesn't go to a strip bar.

The part about avoiding temptation could be difficult to grasp. I am a Christain, things that others may not see as a problem, are to me very serious sins. (before anyone says anything, I do not expect anyone to see these as a problem but me, this is a personal thing, I am not trying to judge anyone) For example, masturbating and thinking of a movie star, to me is cheating my marriage. Not that I would ever sleep with anyone but my husband but even thinking about it opens a door, in my mind it is a very slippry slope, moving the line from fantasy to reality doesn't take long if you aren't diligent. (again this is my veiw of things for me not what I think others should do. I am just trying to explain) Becoming too involved with someone emotionally (at the same level you would your spouse) can also lead to undesirable consequences.

yeah I have friends of the opposite sex, and I love them and care for them. When I talk about an emotional affair (or relationship) I am talking about when those friends get the most you have and your spouse gets nothing. I do trust myself and my spouse, our general rule is don't do something you wouldn't want your spouse to do. For example if it would hurt him for me to be at a strip bar lusting after men, then likewise he doesn't go to a strip bar.

The part about avoiding temptation could be difficult to grasp. I am a Christain, things that others may not see as a problem, are to me very serious sins. (before anyone says anything, I do not expect anyone to see these as a problem but me, this is a personal thing, I am not trying to judge anyone) For example, masturbating and thinking of a movie star, to me is cheating my marriage. Not that I would ever sleep with anyone but my husband but even thinking about it opens a door, in my mind it is a very slippry slope, moving the line from fantasy to reality doesn't take long if you aren't diligent. (again this is my veiw of things for me not what I think others should do. I am just trying to explain) Becoming too involved with someone emotionally (at the same level you would your spouse) can also lead to undesirable consequences.


first of all, thanks you for explaining your reasoning. I am a Christian as well, all though from reading your posts, it seems that I am not as devout (not to be meant as a deragatory thing- please do not take it that way)... I understand what you are saying in that it can quickly lead to a slippery slope, but, if you love your husband, isn't that enough to quench any desire or temptation to be with another man? I do understand, that we as humans with original sin, are prone to fall into temptation (its so easy to do wrong and so hard to be good- as my grandpa always said) but, we also have free-will to avoid and resist temptation.

I do not think you are trying to judge anyone and I do understand the points that you are making. I am not as emotionally involved with anyone else as much as I am with my future husband, but that (among many other reasons) is why I am marrying him and not someone else, because he and I are so close, because no one knows me better.

I just realized, I am babbling, its early here in the lab, and I apologize for the babble as well as the total digression from the original subject of the thread :)

first of all, thanks you for explaining your reasoning. I am a Christian as well, all though from reading your posts, it seems that I am not as devout (not to be meant as a deragatory thing- please do not take it that way)... I understand what you are saying in that it can quickly lead to a slippery slope, but, if you love your husband, isn't that enough to quench any desire or temptation to be with another man? I do understand, that we as humans with original sin, are prone to fall into temptation (its so easy to do wrong and so hard to be good- as my grandpa always said) but, we also have free-will to avoid and resist temptation.

I do not think you are trying to judge anyone and I do understand the points that you are making. I am not as emotionally involved with anyone else as much as I am with my future husband, but that (among many other reasons) is why I am marrying him and not someone else, because he and I are so close, because no one knows me better.

I just realized, I am babbling, its early here in the lab, and I apologize for the babble as well as the total digression from the original subject of the thread :)

Of course you should be more emotionally involved with your spouse than you are anyone else. you should keep up your guard to make sure that is always true. that was my main point. I do love my husband, and the thought of being with anyone else makes me sick to my stomache. I work hard to keep purity in my life, Pure thoughts, pure motives, and a pure marriage. Avoiding some people/situations makes that a little easier.

As for being off topic, we have been for a while. I don't really thing the original poster minds. From my experience with him, he just enjoys a good discussion, and we are kinda still talking about the same thing, what is considered cheating..... anyway I know he would speak up if we were getting too off topic...:)

yeah. I haven't really found any biblical basis for the missionary/procreation thing. As far as I am concerned pretty much anything a husband and wife can do together is fair game (no porn, other people, ect.)

Wow...that leaves a lot open to the imagination. ;)

For some reason, as I have seen this phrase about 20 times in the past few posts, I would just like to say this...I have no desire to follow a slippery slope that leads to being with another man.

As a guy, I think that's obvious. But I couldn't resist commenting on it. :D

Wow...that leaves a lot open to the imagination. ;)
yup. like I said we aren't running out of ideas.:)

yup. like I said we aren't running out of ideas.:)

I wonder about you sometimes Smunkee...I bet you were wild prior to your revelation and marriage. ;)

Cyber sex? Ain't it a little hard to type one handed? No thanks. If I feel the need to stroke it I'll look at porn.

HAHAHA!

I love you!

I wonder about you sometimes Smunkee...I bet you were wild prior to your revelation and marriage. ;)
don't remember most of it on account that I was addicted to crack. :( from 12 to 17 is a big blur. I kinda remember the big stuff (my first car wreck, first night in jail, but nothing really good.) I grew up in a "Christian home" but realized pretty quickly that they were not really interested in God. I am lucky to be alive at all, and even luckier to have found some good reasons not to go back to using. :D

don't remember most of it on account that I was addicted to crack. :( from 12 to 17 is a big blur. I kinda remember the big stuff (my first car wreck, first night in jail, but nothing really good.) I grew up in a "Christian home" but realized pretty quickly that they were not really interested in God. I am lucky to be alive at all, and even luckier to have found some good reasons not to go back to using. :D

congrats-- all though, that really may not be the right word. I guess, more like, hearing people change their life like that...you know...nevermind, all tongue tied I guess........ ;)

congrats-- all though, that really may not be the right word. I guess, more like, hearing people change their life like that...you know...nevermind, all tongue tied I guess........ ;)
yeah I get the general idea. thanks :D

So does cybersex still exist? Or is it a myth that guys look for and ladies tease them about?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smunkeeville
yeah sucks to be me. all self-righteous all the time......



Fixed

this was kinda rude. Smunkee hasn't acted self-righteous in any way.

You're really missing the point, Smunkee.

What offends people is the very "I hold myself to a higher standard than you do" claptrap. You cannot say something like that without the implication that you think you're better than others.

For instance, I lead what I consider to be a very moral life. You, however, would not think it so. Because of what you believe (god and what he "said" through the Bible) you consider your moral fiber to be better than mine, and basically everyone else who is not like you.

Can you see how that would be universally offensive to people who don't share your beliefs?

Again, I applaud you for holding yourself to a high standard of morality. But implying that it is highER in any way than someone else's is where you're going to offend people.

I think you are both reading too much into what she said and ignoring the explanation she gave on this. I got what she meant the first time, THEN she gave a very nice explanation that answers to this very statement. She didn't say she holds herself to a higher standard than other people hold themselves. She said she holds herself to a higher standard than SHE holds others. This doesn't specify anyone inparticular, it sounds like a general rule. She holds herself higher standards than she holds others. This isn't self-righteous, its disciplined. She is making no moral judgments on anyone else what-so-ever.

Cyber is a lot like porn...

but its more interesting...

that would be the point...

that would be the point...

Isn't this gravedigging? Let the poor thread rest in peace.

Isn't this gravedigging? Let the poor thread rest in peace.

Sorry...I was searching for something else and then I started reading and became "re-interested".

Well, I'll admit; I do it every now and then. I used to do it frequently, but it takes a bit of time to find a girl who will actually have cyber sex with you.

Most girls (if they are) just want to talk. Most girls are fat and want to talk. Most girls aren't girls, but want to talk. Most girls are fat, want to talk, but send you a picture of someone else (who is hot).

However, there is that slim chance you will find a girl who is a girl, who isn't fat, who is hot, and is horny. And that's why I love cyber sex. :)

The pleasure isn't so much in masturbating while reading text; it's about the imagination -- the scene you create. It's better than porn but not as good as the real thing. It takes a fantasy to another level; instead of thinking about it you are expressing it with words and sharing it with another person.

It's difficult to explain. But it's nice.... Especially when I blow my load all over the computer screen... etc... etc... :confused:

Windex doesn't clean that off by the way...

I tried cybersex, but couldn't fit my dick into the modem.

Try using lube next time.

I prefer phone sex to cyber myself. I've got a thing for voices. :)

I prefer phone sex to cyber myself. I've got a thing for voices. :)

True...but one thing can always lead to the other...

Who is doing it?

me and my girlfriend. im at uni, shes still in college. we only see each other at best every 6 weeks, so cyber and phone sex is a way to release the pressure. it also heightens the excitement when we finally get to do it for real (roll on christmas).

I prefer phone sex to cyber myself. I've got a thing for voices. :)

I prefer both...to see and to hear the other (s)

While I agree partially, porn can also open avenues of opportunities for things you can do with your spouse. Cybersex, like porn, can give ideas, other than "lustful thoughts about others".

totally agree. thats the best use for it actually (porn).

http://www.whitehouse.org/initiatives/purity/

I prefer both...to see and to hear the other (s)

Well, that's the ideal, of course.

Well, that's the ideal, of course.

Wouldn't ideal be see, hear and feel?

Wouldn't ideal be see, hear and feel?

Oh, yeah...that, too.

It is evil and i do it too much.:(

It is evil and i do it too much.:(

I don't think you can really do it too much. Unless it is all consuming to the point of doing nothing else.

The daily cyber or occasional cyber isn't all that bad.

Cyber sex is stupid. I suspect the people having cyber sex are the same people who would have phone sex, plus a crop of kids who wouldnt have been able to get away with phone sex. I suspect they are lonely losers with no social life, and kids (12-17) who can't get laid for all the usual reasons kids have a hard time getting laid.

This issue seems to pop up occasionally and begs a few questions.

Who is doing it? If you are married or with someone is it cheating? Do you think men are more into it than women, about the same, or woman moreso than men?

It's stupid, and doing it on cam is even more stupid.

Why do cyber when you can do real?

It's stupid, and doing it on cam is even more stupid.

Why do cyber when you can do real?

Because sometimes you can't do real, due to the circumstances?

I teach a marriage class for nearly/newly weds in the spring, and one thing I try to instill in them is that when you were single it was "boy/girlfriends come and go but friends are forever" and when you get married that kinda switches around "your husband/wife is here forever and friends come and go" I have had a few engaged couples who realized that they shouldn't get married because they were unwilling to "forsake all others" for thier fiance.
I wouldn't do that either. The person closest to my heart is my brother. He is my best friend. It was like this when my SO was my girlfriend, my fiancee and it is like that now she is my wife.

Because sometimes you can't do real, due to the circumstances?

Exactly!!

Exactly!!
That's pretty sad...

That's pretty sad...

Not really. Circumstances just occur that prevent real sex...so you go with the alternative. Not to mention that to many people it isn't cheating, because it isn't real. There is no relationship. And there is not touching...

So it is a healthy victimless alternative.

I don't think you can really do it too much. Unless it is all consuming to the point of doing nothing else.

The daily cyber or occasional cyber isn't all that bad.
Well i will stop it none the less.

Nope. Not interesting in "cybering".

Just remember that image of the fat naked guy using a computer. He could be the "hot girl" you are talking to.