NationStates Jolt Archive

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?

Some antidepressants supposedly kill libido...

Remove your sex organs.

Some antidepressants supposedly kill libido...

Wow... two in one. You wouldn't happen to have the names, would you?

Wow... two in one. You wouldn't happen to have the names, would you?
I know of about 5, but you would have to have a script, if you are depressed though, those are easy to come by. judging from some of your posts elsewhere you do sound kinda depressed.

Wow... two in one. You wouldn't happen to have the names, would you?
Nope.
Also, it probably depends on how one's body reacts to the drug, as I think I have heard that there are people on antidepressants that have their libido intact, and others on the same drugs that will lose it. So it might not work, if what I have heard from others is correct.
Of course, as an alternative, I might have no idea what the hell I am talking about.

I know of about 5, but you would have to have a script, if you are depressed though, those are easy to come by. judging from some of your posts elsewhere you do sound kinda depressed.

Difficult. I know that doctors in the US tend to hand out scripts for antidepressants by the truckload, but European doctors are VERY careful when it comes to treating depression with drugs of any kind.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?
There are several surgical and drug-related options for reducing sex drive. However, you probably will have a lot of difficulty getting any medical professional to go along with that sort of treatment, since they will assume you have some psychological problem and will not want to get mixed up in what they will see as a malpractice suit in the making. Also, many of these medical options will be irreversable, or will have serious side effects.

If you really are committed, you can pursue a variety of meditative techniques instead. These require HUGE amounts of dicipline, and many years of study, but if you really want to become "asexual" then you can certainly find teachers who will help you.

However, being "fed up" with sex and relationships probably doesn't mean you actually want to become asexual. Rather than throwing out your sexuality during a time of frustration, why don't you focus on identifying the problem areas of your romantic interactions? Why not spend your time figuring out how to get more of the benefits of sexuality while reducing the aggravations? Sure, it's never going to be perfect, but if you're looking for perfection then you're on the wrong planet.

Difficult. I know that doctors in the US tend to hand out scripts for antidepressants by the truckload, but European doctors are VERY careful when it comes to treating depression with drugs of any kind.
I don't know about how it is there. Some doctors here will write you a script if you claim that you used to have one, just to get you to leave them alone. The good doctors though have criteria and you have to meet most of the guidelines before drugs are even thought about. Come to think of it most of the problem in the US could be explained by the fact that most ins. doesn't cover much counseling but will cover prescription antidepressants. hmmm. didn't think of that.

I have a cousin who is an herbalist, she says that valerian root is a good anti depressant, don't know what the risks are or if it is available there, you might check it out though.

However, being "fed up" with sex and relationships probably doesn't mean you actually want to become asexual. Rather than throwing out your sexuality during a time of frustration, why don't you focus on identifying the problem areas of your romantic interactions? Why not spend your time figuring out how to get more of the benefits of sexuality while reducing the aggravations? Sure, it's never going to be perfect, but if you're looking for perfection then you're on the wrong planet.

To be honest, because I don't have the energy any more. Which is a comparatively new feeling for me, being a born fighter. I feel drained, and exhausted, and I want to get away from it all, but one of the things standing in my way of doing just that is my sexuality.

I think I might give the Valerian Root a try, just to be able to step out of it all for a while and to gather some strength...

To be honest, because I don't have the energy any more. Which is a comparatively new feeling for me, being a born fighter. I feel drained, and exhausted, and I want to get away from it all, but one of the things standing in my way of doing just that is my sexuality.

I think I might give the Valerian Root a try, just to be able to step out of it all for a while and to gather some strength...
I am really worried about you. I have suffered from depression before. I know there is a stigma attatched to it, some people just don't understand until they have been there. I know that things seem to be really bad for you right now, and they may be that way. Don't give up, please seek help. You can telegram me if you need to talk.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?

Well, the Heaven's Gate cultists reported great things with chemical castration. I'm not sure how good their word is, though, especially given what else they reported.

I don't want marriage or sex. I prefer friendship to sex or a life partner. I'm not really attracted to anyone sexual, just emotionally. I don't know what you would classify me as.

Cabra, you could watch re-runs of Leave It to Beaver. After about ten days you will no longer have sexual desire.

I am really worried about you. I have suffered from depression before. I know there is a stigma attatched to it, some people just don't understand until they have been there. I know that things seem to be really bad for you right now, and they may be that way. Don't give up, please seek help. You can telegram me if you need to talk.

Thanks, but no thanks. I do appreciate the offer, but I've been going through phases like that for as long as I can remember, I know it will be better again in a few days, if I can find some rest from my thoughts that is.
And trust me, you wouldn't want to know my thoughts in the first place ;)

I don't want marriage or sex. I prefer friendship to sex or a life partner. I'm not really attracted to anyone sexual, just emotionally. I don't know what you would classify me as.

Cabra, you could watch re-runs of Leave It to Beaver. After about ten days you will no longer have sexual desire.

I don't think I ever saw that. Does it get broadcasted outside the US? ;)

I don't think I ever saw that. Does it get broadcasted outside the US? ;)

Well, if you can't get reruns I'm sure the original episodes are travelling through space somewhere around Saturn.

Well, if you can't get reruns I'm sure the original episodes are travelling through space somewhere around Saturn.

Saturn??? I barely manage to get out of bed in the morning... :D

I don't want marriage or sex. I prefer friendship to sex or a life partner. I'm not really attracted to anyone sexual, just emotionally. I don't know what you would classify me as.
I'd classify you, "Just me."

Same as me.

Thanks, but no thanks. I do appreciate the offer, but I've been going through phases like that for as long as I can remember, I know it will be better again in a few days, if I can find some rest from my thoughts that is.
And trust me, you wouldn't want to know my thoughts in the first place ;)
If you change your mind, the offer is always open.

You could have what they call a chemical depression, it comes and goes for seemingly no reason, but is actually related to the ebb and flow of certain chemicals in your brain. This type of depression is usually only treatable with drugs.
as far as your thoughts you are right, I may not want to know them. I read a book once calledThe Feeling Good Book (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0452281326/qid=1126217318/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-5030583-8426214?v=glance&s=books&n=507846) I know it sounds kinda dumb, but it really did help me to figure out what was going on with me, and also helped me understand how others think so I could better communicate with them.

...and I want to get away from it all, but one of the things standing in my way of doing just that is my sexuality.
Is sex with a partner necessary for you? I mean, can you not get satisfaction from "self-service"?

I know only one asexual person and he doesn't think it's too great.


Well actually we first decided he was gay, but then decided he was asexual instead.

To be honest, because I don't have the energy any more. Which is a comparatively new feeling for me, being a born fighter. I feel drained, and exhausted, and I want to get away from it all, but one of the things standing in my way of doing just that is my sexuality.

Wow, what a drag :(. I'm honestly sorry that your sexuality is causing you so much trouble.

The only suggestion I can make is to try to take a break. Don't try to get rid of your sexual self completely, but just focus on all the aspects of yourself that are non-sexual. Yes, sexuality will pop up (pardon the pun) from time to time, but you can give it a respectful nod and say, "Not right now, thank you very much." I find that trying to suppress sexuality just make it scream even louder, while patient dedication to other activities is a bit more successful.

Is sex with a partner necessary for you? I mean, can you not get satisfaction from "self-service"?

That's a long, complicated and rather immoral story... to keep it short, "self-service" used to be enough, but it isn't any more. And that is driving me up the wall, the feeling of having no control over my feelings any more. Of being controlled instead.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?

become a fern

hehe

I know only one asexual person and he doesn't think it's too great.


Well actually we first decided he was gay, but then decided he was asexual instead.

He decided? I think he seriously misunderstood something there ... ;)

Wow, what a drag :(. I'm honestly sorry that your sexuality is causing you so much trouble.

The only suggestion I can make is to try to take a break. Don't try to get rid of your sexual self completely, but just focus on all the aspects of yourself that are non-sexual. Yes, sexuality will pop up (pardon the pun) from time to time, but you can give it a respectful nod and say, "Not right now, thank you very much." I find that trying to suppress sexuality just make it scream even louder, while patient dedication to other activities is a bit more successful.

It's kind of difficult due to lack of general interest at the moment and lack of energy as well... I think I'll just get to sleep right now and see what the world will look like tomorrow. Thanks to all of you.
:fluffle: :fluffle:

He decided? I think he seriously misunderstood something there ... ;)
Nonono.

He's the singer of our band and we all decided he is asexual

Nonono.

He's the singer of our band and we all decided he is asexual
Haha!

I'm working on it. I was asexual 'till about 16, then I fell in love, and slowly my lust also kicked in. I'm hoping once I get out of my teens, my hormones will die down and my own mental discipline will scrub away the remnants of my sexuality. Really, that's the best route to go. Self control of your own mind. Attack sexual thoughts, don't just ignore them. When something arouses you, logically analyze how absurd the arousal is and attack it.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?

You can't become asexual... but you can not look for anyone.

Removing the frontal lobes of your brain will get rid of almost all your problems.

I found massive use of high grade dope sorted out the whole sexuality thing once and for all. One week, half an ounce, good friends and good music.

Its cool, actually. I develop actual friendships with women, which can be suprisingly inspiring and pleasant compared to mere sexual relationships. I can thoroughly recommend it.

menopause when you learn that males' most endearing quality is their ability to use power tools and reach things that are really tall

sublimation

throw yourself whole-heartedly into a project. go back to school in a very hard subject, for example. go to med school.

the problem with it is that you arent really asexual. it can hit you like a ton of bricks and make you do stupid things.

just take a vacation from "looking" , recharge your batteries and see what happens.

Being asexual is not that fun. Everyone thinks your gay and it is hard to keep girlfriends, they feel bad when they can’t get you aroused under any circumstances.

You could try lesbianism and then move from there.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?

If you are a guy, total castration will do it. If you are a woman...I don't know.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?
Have you considered hypnosis? I know that it can be used to curb addictions, so maybe...?

There are various religious groups that you can get into which involve abstainance. Something in the realm of Buddhism would probably be my choice, cos there are many groups and I get the feeling there's less shame associated with sex than in Catholicism or Islam.

For a more direct solution, there are a number of chastity belts on the market. I don't know necessarily that it'll reduce your drive to have sex, but it would definately restrict your ability to.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?

Classical conditioning does work for some people (like myself). I'm a straight male, but could never really imagine myself doing "physical" things with women, and have never even initiated conversation. Long story short, I'm almost 22 now, and have just about completely rid myself of sexual feelings, so it is pretty much possible. The bad news is that, in my case, it required some work with the razor blade or soldering iron to keep myself in line, which I don't recommend unless totally necessary. In my case, any attempt at conversation with women would have invariably resulted in disaster, so the physical pain, however bad, was nothing compared with the emotional pain I would have experienced if I hadn't "killed" the desire through conditioning. But the good news is that, with determination and patience (6 years in my case), you can take control permanently. :) Good luck to you if you wish to dedicate yourself, although like I said, I don't recommend drastic methods if there's any alternative.

Edit: If you're worried about scarring, I hear that ammonia works as an alternative to invasive methods. I grew up washing floors with the stuff at my family's business, so I was already desensitized to its sting, so it wasn't an option for me. :p

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?


I'm basically there now. I'm still attracted to men no doubt.. but I am no where near willing to react on it. I don't see myself being in any type of romantic realtionship until I find "the one". Some don't believe there is such a thing, but I do. I feel like I drained myself of my passion, mental, emotional and physical energy in those years (teen and early 20's), wasn't just my boyfriends tho.. went through tons of shit with my parents and "friends" as well(usually about or over my boyfriends). Ahh I was soo full of passion then.. Now all I want is peace of mind. If the right one comes along tho.. I'm there ;) . Not sitting around waiting on it, or fretting about it either.. if it happens it happens.

Is there any way of becoming asexual?

Get married.

Smoking lots of weed supposedly kills libido...

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?
It involves a rubber band, some pipe cleaners and a half bottle of krazy glue...

Ugh, I wish. I'm sick of the whole unending rejection thing.

Smoking lots of weed supposedly kills libido...

Nah. I haven't noticed that.

Some antidepressants supposedly kill libido...That can be a side effect depending on the dose and the individual, but I've been on them for years and it certainly hasn't had that effect on me. I'm on Prozac; some drugs might have a stronger effect. As far as I know, though, it's a possible side effect for all antidepressants, but very far from guaranteed.

I don't know an awful lot about asexuality, but I fairly sure that you either asexual or you aren't. I agree with Ashmoria though - perhaps getting yourself really interested in something specific, and devoting much of your free time to it, would take your mind of it.

Edit: Oh, OK, I've just read Pepe Dominguez's post, so it seems like it can be possible if you're dedicated.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?

Become an androgenous musician/artist and rarely shower. No one will want to have sex with you and you will by default become asexual again.

Long story short, I'm almost 22 now, and have just about completely rid myself of sexual feelings, so it is pretty much possible. The bad news is that, in my case, it required some work with the razor blade or soldering iron to keep myself in line, which I don't recommend unless totally necessary.
Wouldn't it have been better to use the conditioning to get over your fear of women?

Just wondering...

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?
I would advise a lobotomy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobotomy) .

Wouldn't it have been better to use the conditioning to get over your fear of women?

Just wondering...

You're questioning the desirability of asexuality itself, which will vary from person to person. I simply chose the path that seemed best for me, since physical relationships were never something that appealed to me. My brain, nonetheless, still pushed me toward that ideal as a matter of biology, and as such needed to be corrected forcibly. So in the end, it wasn't any moral decision, just a basic, selfish, hedonistic calculus that told me I'd be less aggravated if I simply destroyed the urge.

For some, a mere social phobia causes an involuntary sort of asexuality. For them, it might be easier to defeat their fear than to destroy the urge, but this was not my situation, since I have no social phobia and get along just fine with women, as long as no physical advances are involved. If the issue was as simple as "fear of women," or social anxiety then, of course, I would have opted to simply clear that up, but that wasn't the case. For me, it was something more deeply engrained than a fear of heights or spiders or some such thing.

I think shutting it all out for the time being might be the best idea... I just try to concentrate on other things.

I know that it might be hard to understand, but it got me into so much emotional problems in the past, I simply don't think it's worth it any more. I don't know if I want it to be permanent, but I definitely need a break. ;)

I think shutting it all out for the time being might be the best idea... I just try to concentrate on other things.

I know that it might be hard to understand, but it got me into so much emotional problems in the past, I simply don't think it's worth it any more. I don't know if I want it to be permanent, but I definitely need a break. ;)

Simply do that. Take a break from the sexual aspects of life. If that doesn't work....spend some alone time with yourself. Its impossible to be asexual by the way. You cannot produce babies by yourself.......biologically at least.

Simply do that. Take a break from the sexual aspects of life. If that doesn't work....spend some alone time with yourself. Its impossible to be asexual by the way. You cannot produce babies by yourself.......biologically at least.

Babies??? Wtf??? :confused:
Now, why on earth would I want that?

Babies??? Wtf??? :confused:
Now, why on earth would I want that?

That's what being 'asexual' is lol. Bad word choice. XD

That's what being 'asexual' is lol. Bad word choice. XD

asexual

• adjective
1 Biology without sex or sexual organs. 2 (of reproduction) not involving the fusion of gametes. 3 without sexual feelings or associations.

Oxford English Dictionary (http://www.askoxford.com)

... and I wasn't really talking about reproduction... ;)

cabra?

did i miss a thread about your breaking it off with your sometime boyfriend in germany?

Lol. Still humans aren't asexual by any way. Didn't know if you wanted to be a single mommy/daddy o.O. I have heard of stranger stuff.

cabra?

did i miss a thread about your breaking it off with your sometime boyfriend in germany?

Yes... no.... maybe... I don't know.... aaaaaaaaargh. :headbang:

I wish it was THAT simple. Simply tell him good bye and move on... I can't. I'm stuck. And I hate it.
It wasn't the easiest situation to begin with, but it got more complicated recently. The best thing would be if we could turn this all back into a simple, nice, cosy, easy friendship, but I don't seem to be able to do that. And I feel it is all getting a bit too much recently.

Well, maybe things will be better tomorrow... my Tarot cards seem to tell me so, and what else can you rely on in this strange world? ;)

Become an androgenous musician/artist and rarely shower. No one will want to have sex with you and you will by default become asexual again.

band girls are hawt tho

Well, maybe things will be better tomorrow... my Tarot cards seem to tell me so, and what else can you rely on in this strange world? ;)
There is only one thing you can rely on in this strange world: http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=god-jesus.jpg&category=Toys&date=2002-10-16

First, you must accept the truth.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?


Get old. I think of it now as more of a job then something I desire to do.

Now, I know it's fun and all, but seriously...
I'm SO fed up with relationship, love, sex, everything. Does anyone know a way of getting back to those quiet days before this all started?
My advice to distract yourself with something that requires a great deal of efforts. I am a 'weak asexual' myself (26 years old, celibate for 3 1/2 years and reasonably free from sexual feelings) waiting for certain changes in my financial situation and in someone's feelings towards me. Well, as a kind of person who is deeply in love with a woman who has other life priorities I've had no other choice.

So, I distract myself from 'my possible pasts' working as a gynaecologist (IVF), researching for a master's degree and surfing three or four Internet forums. But I think I'll have to add a second part-time job soon. :)

My advice to distract yourself with something that requires a great deal of efforts. I am a 'weak asexual' myself (26 years old, celibate for 3 1/2 years and reasonably free from sexual feelings) waiting for certain changes in my financial situation and in someone's feelings towards me. Well, as a kind of person who is deeply in love with a woman who has other life priorities I've had no other choice.

So, I distract myself from 'my possible pasts' working as a gynaecologist (IVF), researching for a master's degree and surfing three or four Internet forums. But I think I'll have to add a second part-time job soon. :)

Getting in discussions here sort of works... but maybe I could do with a second forum
:D

First, you must accept the truth.

What "truth"?

There is only one thing you can rely on in this strange world: http://www.engrish.com/detail.php?imagename=god-jesus.jpg&category=Toys&date=2002-10-16

My Tarot cards are somehow less scary that that.... :eek:

Um… I sort of agree with Armandian Cheese's advice, except for its extremity. Do not fall into the trap of feeling angry towards people if you're attracted to them. That's not good.

Getting in discussions here sort of works... but maybe I could do with a second forum
:D
Yes, forums can be quite effiient in 'killing off' private life. :)

Yes, forums can be quite effiient in 'killing off' private life. :)

They are less harmful than private life, too...

They are less harmful than private life, too...
Yes... Here everything is much easier than in RL, a good thing for distracting yourself.