NationStates Jolt Archive


Why Han Solos bragging actually makes sense

Klonor
08-09-2005, 06:33
In Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Han Solo remarks that the Millenium Falcon is an extremely fast ship, bragging that it made the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs. Most people, at least those who know what a 'parsec' is, wonder what the bloody hell he's talking about. For those who don't know, a parsec is a measurement of distance, not time. 3.26 light-years to be exact. Now, how the hell would that imply any kind of speed? A snail might travel at a speed of only one mile per year, but after a year it has still traveled the exact same distance as a cheetah after one minute (*NOTE* Snails don't actually move that slowly). Speed and distance have no connection. No matter how fast you go the distance never changes. Or does it......?

Okay, it doesn't. But Solos bragging does make sense. Here's why:

The planet Kessel is next to the Maw Cluster. The Maw Cluster is a cluster of black holes. Many, many black holes. For those who don't know, black holes have a lot of gravity. Gravity so intense that even light can not escape once it has gotten close enough. Now, for most matter the point-of-no-return, the distance from the hole where escape is no longer possible, is a lot further from the hole than Lights point-of-no-return since matter moves much more slowly than light. But it's not one fixed spot for all matter. Something which moves very fast can get closer to a black hole than something very slow can.

Here's where we get to the Kessel run. The planet Kessel is the only place in the Galaxy where Glitterstim spice can be found. Glitterstim is a drug that, in addition to making you high as a kite, also gives you a slight telepathic boost for little while. Since the Galactic Empire, a very evil Empire, doesn't want their enemies getting that brief telepathic boost (Spies could be instantly discovered and information easily taken from prisoners) they have pretty much locked up all Spice on the planet. Only the Empire is allowed to use it. This, of course, has lead to a huge black market for the sale of Spice. But how do they get the spice from Kessel, which is guarded by many Imperial warships, to the market? Smugglers. But how do the smugglers, which are outgunned several thousand to one by the Imperial warships, get past the Imperial blockade? By flying close to the Maw Cluster to escape detection. The closer you can get to the Maw the harder it is for the Imperial ships to find and kill you. To be able to get close you need to be able to fly very fast. If you do get close to the Maw, and thus have to travel out of your way very little, then the distance of the total journey is less. Therefor, the less distance you travel on the Kessel Run the faster you were going.

Maybe this diagram will help.

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p1004228.jpg

The first flight path, on the left, shows a ship going widely around the Maw. A simple ruler will show you that that line is much longer than the line in the second picture on the right. That same second picture shows a flight path which is very near the Maw Cluster. Again, a ruler will show that the flight near the Maw is shorter. Therefore, it is easily inferred that, for the Kessel Run at least, the shorter the distance the faster the ship.

Thank you, and I do so apologize for wasting so much of your time.
Willamena
08-09-2005, 06:38
Wow.... there's even a diagram... that looks like Spock raising an eyebrow.

Well done.
Squi
08-09-2005, 06:41
You do realize that the entire black hole thing was an after-the-fact invention to deal with the people who laughed at the line in the movie don't you?
Keruvalia
08-09-2005, 06:42
Ummm ... I'm confused.

This thread was done nearly a year ago and I responded to it in an amazingly funny way - worthy of an award from Cogitation - and, yet, here it is again ...

Help me ... have I gone back in time? Do I need to copy/paste my original response to this thread?
Klonor
08-09-2005, 06:46
Believe it or not, it was your responce that prompted me to re-post this. I still fall out of my seat laughing when I see your face and I hold out a tiny hope that maybe somebody will try to equal it if this thread is available again.
Keruvalia
08-09-2005, 07:04
Believe it or not, it was your responce that prompted me to re-post this. I still fall out of my seat laughing when I see your face and I hold out a tiny hope that maybe somebody will try to equal it if this thread is available again.

Oh ok :D

Don't fuck with my head like that again ... my head may decide to blow me up in retaliation.
Zwange
08-09-2005, 08:15
....Bad Klonor, bad. :p
German Nightmare
08-09-2005, 13:35
Didn't you post this some 6-8 weeks ago already?
Corneliu
08-09-2005, 13:43
I think so but it was still good and it does make sense.

:cool: Gotta like Hans Solo :cool:
Hemingsoft
08-09-2005, 14:10
Who cares about that??!!??!!

The only thing anyone will ever need to remember about Hans Solo is how badass he was/is. Yeah, he might have been stupid but hey, everyone has their downfall.

TWO WORDS:

"I know"
Dishonorable Scum
08-09-2005, 14:18
An even better explanation: George Lucas had a massive brain fart while writing the script.

Not as big as the one he had when he decided to make episodes 1 through 3, mind you, but still a pretty major one.

Other major Lucas mistakes:
1. Jar Jar. Enough said.
2. Naming a character "Count Dooku", causing 9-year-olds everywhere to snigger uncontrollably.
3. Amidala's hairstyles in Episode 1.
4. The line, "Begun this Clone War is!"
5. Killing off Darth Maul, one of the two great characters in the entire prequel trilogy.
6. Killing off Qui-Gonn Jinn, the other one.

:rolleyes:
Balipo
08-09-2005, 14:25
I think so but it was still good and it does make sense.

:cool: Gotta like Hans Solo :cool:

Han Solo...no "s".

He's Corellian, not Dutch.
Legless Pirates
08-09-2005, 14:26
Han Solo...no "s".

He's Corellian, not Dutch.
Poor guy
Ancient Valyria
08-09-2005, 14:27
Poor guy
yeah, poor guy, being called dutch :(
Balipo
08-09-2005, 14:28
An even better explanation: George Lucas had a massive brain fart while writing the script.

Not as big as the one he had when he decided to make episodes 1 through 3, mind you, but still a pretty major one.

Other major Lucas mistakes:
1. Jar Jar. Enough said.
2. Naming a character "Count Dooku", causing 9-year-olds everywhere to snigger uncontrollably.
3. Amidala's hairstyles in Episode 1.
4. The line, "Begun this Clone War is!"
5. Killing off Darth Maul, one of the two great characters in the entire prequel trilogy.
6. Killing off Qui-Gonn Jinn, the other one.

:rolleyes:


Here's more issues that have been brought up:

Reasons to Hate Star Wars (http://www.chefelf.com/starwars/ep1.php)
Kanabia
08-09-2005, 14:29
Ummm ... I'm confused.

This thread was done nearly a year ago and I responded to it in an amazingly funny way - worthy of an award from Cogitation - and, yet, here it is again ...

Help me ... have I gone back in time? Do I need to copy/paste my original response to this thread?

For what it's worth, I remember the response, it was that good. :D
Balipo
08-09-2005, 14:29
yeah, poor guy, being called dutch :(

I am picturing him sliding across the decks of the Millenium Falcon in his wooden shoes, Chewbacca high on hash from the Hash Bar, and the Princess offering services. he he...services...
Monotonous
08-09-2005, 17:13
*looks at really long first post*

Nerd. :p
Klonor
08-09-2005, 17:59
Nerd.

Well, yeah, that's pretty obvious.
New Watenho
08-09-2005, 18:05
Believe it or not, it was your responce that prompted me to re-post this. I still fall out of my seat laughing when I see your face and I hold out a tiny hope that maybe somebody will try to equal it if this thread is available again.

Can we have a link to the original please?
Klonor
08-09-2005, 18:10
I believe it was the expression he made while reading my post:

http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p1448789.jpg
Teh_pantless_hero
08-09-2005, 18:12
Why Han Solo's bragging doesn't make sense:

http://www.lazyfat.com/images/0330chewbacca.jpg

Ladies and gentlemen this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk, but Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now, think about that. THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! Why would a Wookiee—an eight foot tall Wookiee—want to live on Endor with a bunch of two foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense!

But more important, you have to ask yourself, what does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense!

Look at me, I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca. Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense. None of this makes sense!

And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberating and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation... does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense.

If Chewbacca lived on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
Kroblexskij
08-09-2005, 18:24
dooku ? is that american
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
08-09-2005, 18:30
Han Solo...no "s".

He's Corellian, not Dutch.
He isn't Dutch? Well there goes any liking I ever had for him. I used to respect him because I thought he was doing all of his flying and such in those clunky wooden shoes, and now that respect is shattered.