Klonor
08-09-2005, 05:59
"Hi, my name is Private Church from the popular web series Red Vs. Blue. Welcome to the New York Video Festivals Wild Wild Web Program."
"I would just like to say we did not help come up with that name."
"Grif......"
"Seriously dude, why not just call it 'The Incredible Edible Internet?'"
"Shut up, you're gonna get us fired."
"Fine. We realise a lot of you are here tonight because you've never heard of this crazy thing called the Internet."
"If you or someone you know is thinking about using the Internet we've prepared the following primer to teach you how the internet is different from the real world."
Meeting New People: Real Life
"Well, it was really great to meet you."
"It was really great to meet you, too."
"Would you mind if I called you later?"
"Sure."
Meeting New People: Internet
"So big boy, I'm...."
"You're not a girl!"
"What? Of course I am!"
"A real girl?"
"Who's a girl? I like girls!"
"Shut up, you!"
"Yes, I am really a girl. Hee hee hee."
"Send me naked pictures."
"Okay."
"I love Angelina Jolie! Does anyone else like Angelina Jolie? She's got enormous lips!"
Checking Your Mail: Real Life
"Bills......bills.......bills......coupons. Great."
Checking Your Mail: Internet
"Pardon me my friend, but I am Nigerian Royalty and I need you to send me money. Please ignore the fact that I can't spell Nigeria or Royalty."
"Would you like to refinance your home? Mortgage rates have never been lower!"
"Hey Church, we have all the filthiest sluts on the Internet. They're hopped up on herbal viagra and waiting for you!"
"Would you like a bigger penis? Where would you like it? I can suggest some places!"
Going Shopping: Real Life
"$12.99 for that Creed CD, please."
"Here you go."
"Have a nice day!"
Going Shopping: Internet
"Does anyone have the new Creed CD?"
"I have it."
"Give it to me, right now."
"Give it to you? Why would I do that?"
"You're not giving it to me! Give it to me faster!"
"Wait, that's illegal."
"No it isn't! I don't want it to be illegal, therefor it isn't. That's the way it works!"
"Creed sucks! I hate you! And I hate the band you like!"
Partying With Friends: Real Life
Music playing
"This is a great party!"
"Yeah!"
"Whoo!"
"All right!"
Partying With Friends: Internet
"Hey, where is everybody?"
"I guess they're all masturbating."
"Ooooh, right."
"Well, I'll see ya later dude. I'm gonna go masturbate."
"Okay. See ya."
Discussing Politics: Real Life
"Look, that's just the way I feel about it."
"Well, I disagree, but I respect your opinion."
Discussing Politics: Internet
Explosions in background, guns firing, vehicles blowing up
"You deserve to die! Die and go to hell and burn!"
"Oh yeah? Well I hope you get raped! Twice! Then maybe you'll feel different!"
"We don't need to find any Weapons of Mass Destruction, we just need to want to find them! That's the way it works!"
"I voted for Nader! I hate everyone!"
"Would you like to change your homepage to moveon.org?"
"Politics makes me so horny! Check out my webcam pics at PresidentialSluts.com!"
http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p836518.jpg
"So just remember, the internet can be a very scary place if you're not prepared."
"How do you recommend they prepare?"
"I don't know. Try going to your local middle school chess club, hand out crystal meth and guns, that might be good practice."
"Thanks for watching everybody, now let's all go home and masturbate!"
"Grif....."
"I would just like to say we did not help come up with that name."
"Grif......"
"Seriously dude, why not just call it 'The Incredible Edible Internet?'"
"Shut up, you're gonna get us fired."
"Fine. We realise a lot of you are here tonight because you've never heard of this crazy thing called the Internet."
"If you or someone you know is thinking about using the Internet we've prepared the following primer to teach you how the internet is different from the real world."
Meeting New People: Real Life
"Well, it was really great to meet you."
"It was really great to meet you, too."
"Would you mind if I called you later?"
"Sure."
Meeting New People: Internet
"So big boy, I'm...."
"You're not a girl!"
"What? Of course I am!"
"A real girl?"
"Who's a girl? I like girls!"
"Shut up, you!"
"Yes, I am really a girl. Hee hee hee."
"Send me naked pictures."
"Okay."
"I love Angelina Jolie! Does anyone else like Angelina Jolie? She's got enormous lips!"
Checking Your Mail: Real Life
"Bills......bills.......bills......coupons. Great."
Checking Your Mail: Internet
"Pardon me my friend, but I am Nigerian Royalty and I need you to send me money. Please ignore the fact that I can't spell Nigeria or Royalty."
"Would you like to refinance your home? Mortgage rates have never been lower!"
"Hey Church, we have all the filthiest sluts on the Internet. They're hopped up on herbal viagra and waiting for you!"
"Would you like a bigger penis? Where would you like it? I can suggest some places!"
Going Shopping: Real Life
"$12.99 for that Creed CD, please."
"Here you go."
"Have a nice day!"
Going Shopping: Internet
"Does anyone have the new Creed CD?"
"I have it."
"Give it to me, right now."
"Give it to you? Why would I do that?"
"You're not giving it to me! Give it to me faster!"
"Wait, that's illegal."
"No it isn't! I don't want it to be illegal, therefor it isn't. That's the way it works!"
"Creed sucks! I hate you! And I hate the band you like!"
Partying With Friends: Real Life
Music playing
"This is a great party!"
"Yeah!"
"Whoo!"
"All right!"
Partying With Friends: Internet
"Hey, where is everybody?"
"I guess they're all masturbating."
"Ooooh, right."
"Well, I'll see ya later dude. I'm gonna go masturbate."
"Okay. See ya."
Discussing Politics: Real Life
"Look, that's just the way I feel about it."
"Well, I disagree, but I respect your opinion."
Discussing Politics: Internet
Explosions in background, guns firing, vehicles blowing up
"You deserve to die! Die and go to hell and burn!"
"Oh yeah? Well I hope you get raped! Twice! Then maybe you'll feel different!"
"We don't need to find any Weapons of Mass Destruction, we just need to want to find them! That's the way it works!"
"I voted for Nader! I hate everyone!"
"Would you like to change your homepage to moveon.org?"
"Politics makes me so horny! Check out my webcam pics at PresidentialSluts.com!"
http://67.18.37.17/595/43/upload/p836518.jpg
"So just remember, the internet can be a very scary place if you're not prepared."
"How do you recommend they prepare?"
"I don't know. Try going to your local middle school chess club, hand out crystal meth and guns, that might be good practice."
"Thanks for watching everybody, now let's all go home and masturbate!"
"Grif....."