Things not to say to your wife
Neo Kervoskia
08-09-2005, 00:19
1) No.
2) My, what fine cleavage you have today!
3) It looks as if your ass has increased in mass.
4) You're as flat as the Great Plains.
5) You're as loud as Al Sharpton and twice as fat.
6) Kneel down for master.
7) Even Jesus hates you.
8) By god, is that your vagina?!
9) Are you tired, or are you just numb?
10) Those shoes are too expensive.
HowTheDeadLive
08-09-2005, 00:21
1) No.
2) My, what fine cleavage you have today!
3) It looks as if your ass has increased in mass.
4) You're as flat as the Great Plains.
5) You're as loud as Al Sharpton and twice as fat.
6) Kneel down for master.
7) Even Jesus hates you.
8) By god, is that your vagina?!
9) Are you tired, or are you just numb?
10) Those shoes are too expensive.
(11) Yeah, you're right, it does make you look fat.
(12) I'm thinking of your sister
Sumamba Buwhan
08-09-2005, 00:23
I'll highlight the things that I can say to my significant other
1) No.
2) My, what fine cleavage you have today!
3) It looks as if your ass has increased in mass.
4) You're as flat as the Great Plains.
5) You're as loud as Al Sharpton and twice as fat.
6) Kneel down for master.
7) Even Jesus hates you.
8) By god, is that your vagina?!
9) Are you tired, or are you just numb?
10) Those shoes are too expensive.
especially #6
- I love my woman. :D
H N Fiddlebottoms VIII
08-09-2005, 00:23
Things not to say to your wife:
6) Kneel down for master.
Goddamn, I knew there was a reason why I have no talent with women, aside from the whole asexual asshole thing.
Thank you, Internets! Now I gots the Power!
Now I just need to find a new pick up line.
13. I don't care if it's "that time of the month". All you need to do is stay on your half of the house.
Neo Kervoskia
08-09-2005, 00:25
14) Stop eating and put your fingers back in your mouth!
Poliwanacraca
08-09-2005, 00:25
Hey, #6 is fine, under the correct circumstances. ;)
Lunatic Goofballs
08-09-2005, 00:28
Whew! Thanks, honey. I haven't been f*cked like that since your sister left town!
or...No, sweetie. That dress doesn't make you look fat. Your hips do.
:p
Stop screwing the cute gardener. That's my job! :D
Kecibukia
08-09-2005, 00:35
#*) I do.
Ravenshrike
08-09-2005, 00:37
5) You're as loud as Al Sharpton and twice as fat.
Now that's just mean. You could cause irreparable harm to their psyche saying something like that.
Ollieland
08-09-2005, 00:37
Of course I love you, I fuck you don't I?
To paraphrase Lyle Lovett:
I married you because you look like her.
#16) I read it for the articles!
Gun toting civilians
08-09-2005, 00:51
No those pants don't make you look fat, the fat makes you look fat.
Are you sure you don't want to consult the lord god Ophra (sp?) first?
Ollieland
08-09-2005, 00:55
Yes a divorce would be fine. Please take my children, my house, my car, my dog, half my savings, half my earnings, half my future earnings, half my pension, my pride, hope and dignity. Send me to the poor/crazy house. That would be fine.
Spookopolis
08-09-2005, 00:55
roll over, you're crushing me.
Children of Valkyrja
08-09-2005, 00:56
Good grief I have never read such a load of rubbish in my whole life!
I'd love to know how many of you are actually married?
Nureonia
08-09-2005, 00:58
Weiiiird.
:confused:
Ollieland
08-09-2005, 01:03
I'm married. And I'd have to be certifiable to ever say any of this stuff to my wife.
Children of Valkyrja
08-09-2005, 01:13
Well not one of those remarks are even remotely funny or whitty or ironic, what is the purpose of this thread?
Just to talk rubish I suppose *shrugs*
Blackfoot Barrens
08-09-2005, 01:20
Yes, your butt looks big in that. In fact it looks like two planets colliding in a pair of ugly, ugly pants.
#*) I do.
AHahahh that is funny.
Sdaeriji
08-09-2005, 01:39
Menage a trois.
Pure Metal
08-09-2005, 01:45
17) what do you mean TV is less important than you? :confused:
Neo Kervoskia
08-09-2005, 01:54
18) Remember to swallow.
Florida Oranges
08-09-2005, 02:21
19)Get back in the kitchen.
Markreich
08-09-2005, 04:57
20) "Oh... Jen..." (when wife's name is Elizabeth...)
Kaitonia
08-09-2005, 05:07
Menage a trois.
Unless she's the girl I'm with now.
Wewt.
Let us not forget:
Are the dishes done?
No joke. No humor. Just try it after she's had a hard day at work or somesuch.
I had forgotten, until that day, how lumpy our living room futon was.
I;m home honey! And I brought back a chick from Hooters! Mind sleeping on the couch tonight?
(Sometimes the simplest things are left unsaid when needed to be said...)
Lacadaemon
08-09-2005, 05:17
Menage a trois.
I would have thought that would be a pre-requisite, not a no-no.
But back on point; never get drunk and say "no, it doesn't make you look fat, it just highlights your fine childbearing hips."
Also "it's not what it looks like" can often be misconstrued.
Markreich
08-09-2005, 05:28
21) I liked your hair better before.
Imperialistic Imps
08-09-2005, 06:10
22) Man, ur ex-bf wasn't joking....
23) NO honey that llama sound was all in your mind
24) what cucumber?
25) I walked into the wrong house, I swear it was an accident!
26) She made me take it out!
27) I thought you said you weren't a bitch!
Harlesburg
08-09-2005, 06:46
Your Sister is hot.-may or may not have been said.
Big Jim P
08-09-2005, 07:28
Do not suggest trading her in on a new model near her birthday (no matter how much she complains about getting old).
Do not mention the word harem in any context (even if you are joking.)
:D
And Yes I am happily married.
Desperate Measures
08-09-2005, 07:38
Is that a bald spot?
I ate your chocolate.
Imperialistic Imps
08-09-2005, 07:40
Who said anything about an anniversary? Were we even married?
Would you like me better if I were more like the mailman?
Zexaland
08-09-2005, 08:51
Ask for oral. :D
Desperate Measures
08-09-2005, 08:57
But is the baby sitter fuckable?