NationStates Jolt Archive

I find it very easy to talk to girls. I'm comfortable in talking about sensitive topics and the mundane. I listen well and can maintain a conversation for a while. There are quite a few girls that I consider friends who I'd consider taking out on a date.

However, I have heard from several sources that girls never go out with "friends". Reasons I've heard range from "they don't want to mess up an already good relationship", to "boys who are just 'friends' aren't assertive enough to have a girlfriend" etcetera etcetera.

I'd like to know from the ladies if this is true (which, if this is the case then I'm screwed), a myth, or if it depends on the girl (or the guy she's "friends" with).

Thanks!

PS: No, I'm not a lovesick desperate man...just curious.

I find it very easy to talk to girls. I'm comfortable in talking about sensitive topics and the mundane. I listen well and can maintain a conversation for a while. There are quite a few girls that I consider friends who I'd consider taking out on a date.

However, I have heard from several sources that girls never go out with "friends". Reasons I've heard range from "they don't want to mess up an already good relationship", to "boys who are just 'friends' aren't assertive enough to have a girlfriend" etcetera etcetera.

I'd like to know from the ladies if this is true (which, if this is the case then I'm screwed), a myth, or if it depends on the girl (or the guy she's "friends" with).

Thanks!

PS: No, I'm not a lovesick desperate man...just curious.
As a male, it's been my experience that whether women are able to handle the transitiion from "friend" to something more depends almost entirely upon their maturity.

It depends. On you, on the girl, on your exact relationship. Some of my female friends I could never ask out now - they are friends, and now always will be. Perhaps I once could have, but not now.

Others I think I could. These are the ones that I flirt with anyway.

I don't think there is a hard and fast rule.

In my experience, the vast majority of successful relationships begin as friendships. And, speaking firsthand, I've never dated a guy whom I didn't know as a friend for weeks, months, or years first.

On the other hand, there are certainly plenty of my close guy friends whom I would never consider dating, because I just don't think of them like that. Some friendships can turn in to something else; some can't. Simple as that.

However, I have heard from several sources that girls never go out with "friends". Reasons I've heard range from "they don't want to mess up an already good relationship", to "boys who are just 'friends' aren't assertive enough to have a girlfriend" etcetera etcetera
Damnit, there go my chances with the extremely smart and pretty girls I know.

I think that there's more to the picture than just wanting to blow off a "relationship" if you're friends with someone and that someone wants to "take it to the next level," such as it were.

Sometimes, there are real complications that enter into a relationship when people in it start out as platonic friends and they start dating, particularly if they have sex. Unless you're looking for a quickie, that act is a very emotionally intense act of bonding between two people. If you and a former "friend" end up breaking off the romantic relationship, it can genuinely wreak havoc on a worthwhile platonic friendship because that can never come back exactly as it was.

I think there's much more to the equation than whether the "woman" in a male-female relationship is mature enough to handle the transition from friendship to something beyond that. That puts entirely too much responsibility on one person and it takes two people to make a couple.

I would never go out on romantic dates with any of my guy friends. I value my friends over the guys I date, and to start dating a friend would be like demoting him.
However, if I fell in love with a friend, then yes, I would risk the friendship. Love is so special that even the possibility of it is worth risking a valued friendship. A few fun dates are not worth any of my friendships.... But that is just me.
I happen to know a lot of girls who are dating guys they knew first in a platonic friendship. It happens.

I would never go out on romantic dates with any of my guy friends. I value my friends over the guys I date, and to start dating a friend would be like demoting him.
However, if I fell in love with a friend, then yes, I would risk the friendship. Love is so special that even the possibility of it is worth risking a valued friendship. A few fun dates are not worth any of my friendships.... But that is just me.
I happen to know a lot of girls who are dating guys they knew first in a platonic friendship. It happens.
Shit man, if it wheren't for that back way in I'd never get jack.

With me, I always am friends first before I go out with someone. I wound up dating my bestfriend, and it turned out great. I've never understood people just dating someone who wasn't a good friend, and then waiting for sparks to happen. (I think this is on topic).

I think it's entirely possible to have female friends who are just friends, and always will remain so.

I cant have Female Friends...I just does not fit.

Damnit, there go my chances with the extremely smart and pretty girls I know.

Ah, but think just how many smart and pretty girls there are that you don't know. There's even more of them! :cool:

I would never go out on romantic dates with any of my guy friends. I value my friends over the guys I date, and to start dating a friend would be like demoting him.
However, if I fell in love with a friend, then yes, I would risk the friendship. Love is so special that even the possibility of it is worth risking a valued friendship. A few fun dates are not worth any of my friendships.... But that is just me.
I happen to know a lot of girls who are dating guys they knew first in a platonic friendship. It happens.

Hmm...

I like how you worded that.

I've slept with a few of my female friends. But then, most of my friends of both genders are drunks of questionable moral integrity.

I would never go out on romantic dates with any of my guy friends. I value my friends over the guys I date, and to start dating a friend would be like demoting him.
However, if I fell in love with a friend, then yes, I would risk the friendship. Love is so special that even the possibility of it is worth risking a valued friendship. A few fun dates are not worth any of my friendships.... But that is just me.
I happen to know a lot of girls who are dating guys they knew first in a platonic friendship. It happens.


It's quite hard to actually fall in love with someone who's just a friend. It isn't proper love. I think you can only find out whether you can or do love someone when you're together. But maybe that's just me...

Also, I think that dating a friend is more like a trial for an upgrade, even if it isn't necessarily an actual upgrade immediately.

Also, I think that dating a friend is more like a trial for an upgrade, even if it isn't necessarily an actual upgrade immediately.

Kinda like upgrading from OS 10.3.9 to OS 10.4, when 10.3.9 works perfectly fine?

Does this mean computer hardware = sexy? Or am I just being delusional?

Kinda like upgrading from OS 10.3.9 to OS 10.4, when 10.3.9 works perfectly fine?

Does this mean computer hardware = sexy? Or am I just being delusional?

I love my friends, and I love my girlfriend. But I have lots of friends, and only one girlfriend (aren't I a good boy ;) ). One day I might marry my girlfriend. Or if not, then another one. Where can you go that is higher than that? I don't pine for my friends, though I love it when I see them. I know them better that I know my girlfriend, in many ways. But I miss my girlfriend like hell.

I leave you to work out what that means in OS terms...

I love my friends, and I love my girlfriend. But I have lots of friends, and only one girlfriend (aren't I a good boy ;) ). One day I might marry my girlfriend. Or if not, then another one. Where can you go that is higher than that? I don't pine for my friends, though I love it when I see them. I know them better that I know my girlfriend, in many ways. But I miss my girlfriend like hell.

I leave you to work out what that means in OS terms...

ERROR!
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REBOOTING NOW

...Wha?

Does this mean computer hardware = sexy? Or am I just being delusional?
*Looks up from drooling at the computer hardware found in Japan* I'm sorry... were you saying something? ;)

In all seriousness, I've had it go both ways. A close friend and I got intimate and it ended up seriously screwing *literally* with our friendship that took years to heal, and if I had to do it over, I wouldn't have done so because it ended up damaging that friendship.

BUT, on the other hand, I'm getting married to a girl who was my friend for a number of months before we decided to start dating. And I think that friendship is the best basis for our relationship because it doesn't need to be always physical or overly emoutional. Which has helped us survive being 5,000+ miles apart for 4 months at a time.

So go carefully, but if it works out, it's worth it. :)

I love my friends, and I love my girlfriend. But I have lots of friends, and only one girlfriend (aren't I a good boy ;) ). One day I might marry my girlfriend. Or if not, then another one. Where can you go that is higher than that? I don't pine for my friends, though I love it when I see them. I know them better that I know my girlfriend, in many ways. But I miss my girlfriend like hell.



But on the other hand, as mad as I may get at my friends, I rarely entertain thoughts of strangling them.

I find it very easy to talk to girls. I'm comfortable in talking about sensitive topics and the mundane. I listen well and can maintain a conversation for a while. There are quite a few girls that I consider friends who I'd consider taking out on a date.

However, I have heard from several sources that girls never go out with "friends". Reasons I've heard range from "they don't want to mess up an already good relationship", to "boys who are just 'friends' aren't assertive enough to have a girlfriend" etcetera etcetera.

I'd like to know from the ladies if this is true (which, if this is the case then I'm screwed), a myth, or if it depends on the girl (or the guy she's "friends" with).

Thanks!

PS: No, I'm not a lovesick desperate man...just curious.

it's crap when a girl tells you that. although I may be in a similar boat because it was always easier for me to talk to guys and I got the same response from them about "I don't want to ruin our friendship" I am so glad my hubby and I were mature enough to realize that we could be more than friends.

Well since, I could never get a date with any of my friends, I'm guessing theres at least a hint of truth to it. :(

Too bad, she was hot.

I think a lot depends on how you conduct your end of these conversations. You can be all the things you mentioned (good listener, etc) and still lead the conversation into a more romantic or alluring sort of theme. Or, you can talk strictly on a friendly level, like you were her cousin or her little brother. If you can use your comfort level with talking to girls (a huge bonus by the way) while making it clear that you are NOT her little brother or her cousin or "just a friend" you will be swimming in attention. I work with a guy like that (he has a nation on NS I think), everyone asks if he is really a girl, he's so girly, but he gets more sex than anyone I've ever met. He's like a magnet for women, because he is comfortable with them but is not shy about touching them or making it known that he is not only a good listener but also a sexually interested male.

I think a lot depends on how you conduct your end of these conversations. You can be all the things you mentioned (good listener, etc) and still lead the conversation into a more romantic or alluring sort of theme. Or, you can talk strictly on a friendly level, like you were her cousin or her little brother. If you can use your comfort level with talking to girls (a huge bonus by the way) while making it clear that you are NOT her little brother or her cousin or "just a friend" you will be swimming in attention. I work with a guy like that (he has a nation on NS I think), everyone asks if he is really a girl, he's so girly, but he gets more sex than anyone I've ever met. He's like a magnet for women, because he is comfortable with them but is not shy about touching them or making it known that he is not only a good listener but also a sexually interested male.
It works better if everyone involved is drinking, the more heavily the better.

After reading this crapola, I need a cold beer.

The girls I know, only go out with total strangers who have no morals.