NationStates Jolt Archive

After so much time in the dating game, i have not been able to come up with an excuse to dump someone other than the classical "it´s not you, it´s me". Hell, i´ve even been laid off by that kind of number myself. So, has anyone devised a better excuse?

I always find, "because you are absolutely friggin nuts," works quite nicely...

tell them you have genital herpes.
they be nuts to stay around

If that doesnt work, refer to post #2

Is there a valid excuse? The truth might hurt, but I've always been more offended when I found out that I got lied to afterwards.

"It's not working" usually works. No blame involved, just a failure of compatibility.

Failing that, "I despise you and wish you were dead" is a good fallback.

Lamest one used on me: "You remind me too much of my ex-husband." (Anybody who was male was going to remind her of her ex-husband. :rolleyes: )

:p

I've always liked "If the police actually did find your body, they'll start bothering me about it."

Or did you mean some other meaning of 'dump...'

I've always liked "If the police actually did find your body, they'll start bothering me about it."

Or did you mean some other meaning of 'dump...'


*L*

I've always liked "If the police actually did find your body, they'll start bothering me about it."

Or did you mean some other meaning of 'dump...'
I suppose it takes all sorts...

tell them you have genital herpes.
they be nuts to stay around

If that doesnt work, refer to post #2
weel, that presents a problem, because it means that i caught somewhere else...

weel, that presents a problem, because it means that i caught somewhere else...


Preeecisely!!!

Preeecisely!!!
oohh, you dog...but does it actually work? Shouldn´t one dress a bullet-proof jacket before that kind of chat?

I prefer the timeless: "Mind getting me some orange juice on your way out the door?"

Or even better: "What the fuck are you still doin here?"

(Both usually used upon awakening...)

The simple: "I dont want to be with you anymore" works as well...

Mine is generally "I've been going through a lot of stuff...I think I need to be alone right now." If she presses the issue, just say that it's really personal and you don't feel like talking about it.

Also, sometimes just screening phone calls does wonders if you haven't been dating that long. It's a cold thing to do, but then it's a cold world.

"It's not working" usually works. No blame involved, just a failure of compatibility.
Absolutely true and the best possible response. If that fails, then start from the least offending reasons why you no longer want to be with the person -- if they ask -- to the worst, preferably being stopped before you have to go that far.

oohh, you dog...but does it actually work? Shouldn´t one dress a bullet-proof jacket before that kind of chat?


Nothing says bugger-off more clearly than obtaining extracurricular STDs...

I've never had to do it. My dual personality has always suited me fine when that needs arose.

I dont know about a bullet proof jacket, unless you know she carries.
You may want to consider an athletic supporter/cup though, I dont know.

The major line used on me is "I already have a boyfriend." (After we've been going out for a while.)

Gee, thanks for telling me....

I fancy your mother/father/dog

If they still wanna stay with you after that enter witness protection.

just throw a 20 dollar bill on the bed and say "thanks, see ya."

that actually happened to me once....

be an arsehole, if they don't dump you after that then i'd be worried.

be an arsehole, if they don't dump you after that then i'd be worried.That could ruin your reputation though...

Just tell them they're too fat for you.

After so much time in the dating game, i have not been able to come up with an excuse to dump someone other than the classical "it´s not you, it´s me". Hell, i´ve even been laid off by that kind of number myself. So, has anyone devised a better excuse?

"sweetie, i can't go out with you anymore... I'm a lesbian."

he can't feel badly... he can't compete with women.

(unless he pulls a George Costanza and starts berating himself over whether or not he drove you to the island of Lesbos)

That could ruin your reputation though...

not if you already have a reputation as being an arsehole, i've personally never used it, but i've never dumped a girl before, I usually wait till they do it.

just throw a 20 dollar bill on the bed and say "thanks, see ya."

that actually happened to me once....


did you keep the 20 tho?

not if you already have a reputation as being an arsehole, i've personally never used it, but i've never dumped a girl before, I usually wait till they do it.I've only done it once. It was with a girl that things weren't going to well with anyway at the time when I'd started another relationship.
I'm still biting myself for having done it over the phone, but it was either that or wait another two weeks, since it was some sort of distance relationship.

No matter what, the other person will be angry or hurt, but honesty is the best way. "It's not working out between us." and if pressed, "I just don't feel the same way about you anymore."

PoolHall Junkies: I made a Freudian Slip, last night. I meant to ask her for the dressing, but instead I said 'You Bitch! You've ruined my life.'

"I'm afraid that if we stay together we are just going to end up hating each other and I value your friendship much too much to let that happen."

Tell the truth. If there's nothing really to it beyond just needing a break, you can say, "it's just not working out."

"We can't keep seeing each other."

"Why not?"

"I'm moving to Yemen."

Just honestly tell them why you feel you should be parting.

True, it's usually not easy, but here's what's good about that:

1) You've actually made up your mind while considering what to say.
2) The truth may not be welcome but in the long run, you are better off.
3) If the other person starts any shit, you're on the moral high ground. (Unless you are the one who messed up the whole situation by cheating or so - then you are a bad, bad person and should leave while you can :D)

Be honest. Tell them you have found someone better but if it doesn't work out you will be back for the occasional shag!

Mine is generally "I've been going through a lot of stuff...I think I need to be alone right now." If she presses the issue, just say that it's really personal and you don't feel like talking about it.
NO no no no no. This is the worst possible thing to do unless you want that your ex will haunt you for ever. "Let me help you" "You need to talk about it" "I can wait" etc etc

not if you already have a reputation as being an arsehole, i've personally never used it, but i've never dumped a girl before, I usually wait till they do it.
I hate that. I know many men that won't dumb their girlfriend even if they don't really want to be with them anymore. It's incredibly annoying and in some cases worse than cheating. Actually it's cheating.

Just tell her/him to fcuk off. Simple.
Try,
you: 'Hiya love have you finished the hoovering?'
her: yes
you: Good now fcuk off. Look you can cook, you can fuck, you can do the washing up. Now I've had enough you bitch fcuk off.

If she doesn't get the message then, she is worth keeping as she is thick as pigs and you can get up to what you want and have the housework done at the same time.

Well.. it is very easy to dump a guy I guess. Here are a few.

1) It's you
2) I have crabs
3) I feel too confined.

OR, you could do something emotionally scaring, like...

1) You made me a lesbine
2) I have a thing for your dad
3) I'm pregnant with your dad's kid
4) I can get more satisfaction from a 14 year old.


The possibility's are endless!

NO no no no no. This is the worst possible thing to do unless you want that your ex will haunt you for ever. "Let me help you" "You need to talk about it" "I can wait" etc etc
Well, that's when you start screening your calls.

Weaseling out of things is important. It's what seperates us from the animals. Except the weasels.

"We can't keep seeing each other."

"Why not?"

"I'm moving to Yemen."
better yet "I love you but I'm married to the sea."

Well, that's when you start screening your calls.

Weaseling out of things is important. It's what seperates us from the animals. Except the weasels.You sure? Foxes have been known to chew off their legs to get out of traps on occasion...

{snip}
OR, you could do something emotionally scaring, like...
1) You made me a lesbine
2) I have a thing for your dad
3) I'm pregnant with your dad's kid
4) I can get more satisfaction from a 14 year old.
The possibility's are endless!

1) No harm done.
2) No harm done.
3) No harm done.
4) Bingo. Ouch.
Or maybe not. Meet my little brother.

The old "its not you, its me" trick works very well. Done properly, you can dump a significant other and leave them satisfied even though when their friends ask them why they got dumped they cant really explain it.

Dissapear.

Ah, sorry. That's the best way. The best excuse?

"Yer too insane, even for me."

this is referred to as the "ted bruyere classic".
when he wanted to break up with someone he'd:
1. ask them for some seriously raunchy sex act.
if they do it, you win.
if they slap you and walk away, you win.

2. ask them to bring a friend to bed
if they do it, you win.
if they slap you and walk away, you win.

3. ask the partner to do seruiously raunchy acts with the friend.
if they do it, you win.
if they slap you and walk away, you win.

if you get to step 3, which he never did, i would advise not breaking up with the person as the relationship is now pretty smokin'.

You sure? Foxes have been known to chew off their legs to get out of traps on occasion...
sounds a bit extreme, but I've been with women who I would happily lose a foot over if it came down to that.

homosexuality

"me and the voices in my head took a vote. We've decided 5 to 1 that you need to go. Sorry, I was pulling for ya."

homosexualityOr heterosexuality... :p

"I'm in my mid-twenties, I just dropped out of college and quit my minimum wage job so I can do pick up jobs for rent and play sax in cafes for sandwiches and seriously-I have no intention of marrying you or anyone else. And I only really ever want you to come over if you're bringing pizza's for me and the dozen or so slackers that camp out in my living room."

didn't work.

I still feel that the Death Valley sized draught that followed that girlfriend is a result of all the bad karma I accrued while dating her. One of those "Man, I'm really, patently not what she's looking for but she's gonna touch me funny so I'll go along with it..." deals. Bad namless dude, bad.

tell them you have genital herpes.
they be nuts to stay around

If that doesnt work, refer to post #2
Even better, ask them if they have it. When they (hopefully) reply in the negative, say, "Oh...er great, me neither," Hopefully they'll run off.

I did your mom :eek:

After so much time in the dating game, i have not been able to come up with an excuse to dump someone other than the classical "it´s not you, it´s me". Hell, i´ve even been laid off by that kind of number myself. So, has anyone devised a better excuse?


"I'm sorry, but your deodorant just isnt working."

Start a fight over something inconsequential such as their music selection (even better if you can start fighting over music you both like...) and then start throwing other nit-picky personality quirks of theirs into the mix...finish with a good ol' "GET THE FUCK OUT!"...