NationStates Jolt Archive

Are any of you friends with an ex-partner?

I ask, as I’m going on a (well, not date but) evening out with a very good friend of mine, who used to be my girlfriend a few years back. When my colleagues heard of that they were astonished both that an ex is a very close friend of mine and that my wife lets me meet her. So am I some kind of freak or are there other’s like me out there?

In a thousand words or less, yes.

How ironic...
I just broke up with my girlfriend...and now we are going out again..
5 day break. But life sucks.

So I guess I'm a yes+2

I still talk to my exes, as none of the break ups were particularly traumatic for either of us, and I still appreciate some of them as fun and interesting guys even if I'm not attracted to them in that way anymore. It's a lot easier than having yet another person hating your guts :p

it's impossible for me.

I tend to have a remaining sexual vibe with all my ex-girlfriends... Not so much in really undertaking any actions. Just a tension of "Lets get together and do it!" and I nor my ( at that point ) current Gf's like that very much. :headbang:

But maybe its the years... I do have 1 girl I was with like 3 years ago with whom I can engage a normal conversation ( yet also with the tension I was talking about above ) and her current boyfriend has banned her from talking to me :mad:

so really, its remarkable :p

lol, my best friend is my ex of three times.

Go For Gold My Friend!! It's Your Life!!! :d

I have a couple of ex-girlfriends where their partners more or less forbid them to have contact with me. This seems to happen quite often, as my wife has an ex, whose wife forbid him to keep in contact and several of my friends have a similar story to tell. :(

^^ pretty logic reaction.

You ONCE had feelings for this person. So it COULD happen again...

Yet I personally don't believe in getting back together with an Ex-Gf. You broke up with them for a reason, and really people don't change THAT much. If they do change, they're not the person you fell in love with ;)

well, i'm still good friends with my one and only ex-girlfriend, we still get on really well, though on occasion, we do stuff that friends don't normally do :fluffle: .
i'm actually wondering how long that's going to keep on happening

Yes with one of them, I'm almost best friends with! But we went out when we were 15.

oh, sweet irony. after 5 years togethor, she broke up with me two weeks ago today. and its not even because she doesn't care our is not attracted to me. oh well, to make a long story short. we're still best friends, just not romantically involved for the time being. :(

^^ pretty logic reaction.

You ONCE had feelings for this person. So it COULD happen again...

But as you yourself write, you broke up for a reason. I don't see my wife's ex-partners as a threat, because I know that there was a reason.

The reason for the break up from this girl I'm meeting later on was that we were basically completely incompatible. We disagreed on about everything. Although we had a few very good times (and a lot of good times) as well, our 1 year relationship was an unmitigated disaster, at the end of which I had a minor nervous breakdown and we didn't talk for about 6 years.
Now I still know why we got together in the first place, but I also know the reasons for the break-up.

You broke up with them for a reason, and really people don't change THAT much.
Depends on time :-) We went out when we were in our early twenties, we're both way above thirty now - we've changed a lot in this time. In fact I think were we to become partners again, it wouldn't be quite such a disaster ;)

My view:

No.

The breakee will not be able to have an honest friendship as they will want to get back together and the breaker broke it off for a reason that in many cases will preclude against being friends - eg new girlfriend/boyfriend.
Being friends often drags out an already painful experience for both parties and will most likely deepen resentment.

Exceptions:
Mutual breakup due to something outside of relationship - moving away to college for example - MUST be a mutual break - This one will be very topical for many of you in the coming weeks as college is starting. If you break up just let it be and enjoy your time at college and do not work on the basis you will get back together. In a year or so (assuming it is a serious relationship that was broken) you will be able to honestly say you want to be friends and do not intend to get back with them.
Meeting an ex several years down the line when there has been enough water under the bridge since to wash away the bad feelings and you have both got new lives and can approach each other as friends rather than ex's.

Friends with my ex? Hell no!

They got what they deserved, one way or the other. And of course, I got rid of them for good, meaning that I don't really need to talk to them anymore at all, even when we should meet by chance.

I don't like being cheated on, that's one of the main reasons they were "set free".
They move on with their lives, so do I - there's no reason to talk to them, let alone re-befriend them.

Jeez Louise, one even married the dork* she went out with after me, others are still solo, and of some I don't even know where (or if) they are still around.

(* My friends made a survey - he lost big time and carries that name ever since)

The only person I was good friends with for years was my first love - until she wanted me to father her child even though we've been seperated for more than 7 years by that time. Flattering offer, but no thank you very much. Eventually she found someone else and became a married mother. Haven't talked to her since. That kid is a year old now (and I'm glad it wasn't me!).

That said, there's nothing better than a hate-fuck to end a relationship. Sounds bitter? Yeah, well, kinda.
Then again, there's gotta be a reason why "Ex" sounds like the German word for saurian/lizard: "Echse". Go get the dragonslayer :D

As friendly as you can be with an evil harpy from hell, yeah.

Not best friends, though :D.

Exceptions:
Mutual breakup due to something outside of relationship - moving away to college for example - MUST be a mutual break - This one will be very topical for many of you in the coming weeks as college is starting. If you break up just let it be and enjoy your time at college and do not work on the basis you will get back together. In a year or so (assuming it is a serious relationship that was broken) you will be able to honestly say you want to be friends and do not intend to get back with them.


yeah, that's where i'm at. we were having problems, probabely due to a lack of real maturity and life experience. she dcided we needed a break to live life seperately a little. especially since we're only 18.

yeah, that's where i'm at. we were having problems, probabely due to a lack of real maturity and life experience. she dcided we needed a break to live life seperately a little. especially since we're only 18.
Then break. Don't talk for a while and live your life too. Learn from others experiences. No point in makingit unpleasent for either of you if you don't have to.
If it's the college thing then go your seperate ways, lead your own life. Very very very very few relationships survive the first few weeks of college if there is distance.
If you let it go and do your own thing you will save a lot of pride and the relationship will not turn sour under a false pretense of friendship.
Do NOT go for being friends - it does not work. Really I reccomend not speaking until at least christmas, or easter but preferably next summer.

It's your life. Live it. You're only 18 so enjoy your youth.

The fact is, sometimes people just aren't right for each other. Two people can be very attracted to each other, and love each other very much, but just not work together in a romantic relationship. Often that's nobody's fault - it's just the way it is.

When that's the case, there's no point in fighting about it or blaming each other for it. The mature thing to do is to mutually recognize it and move on. It doesn't mean you have to stop loving each other or stop being friends, though. It certainly doesn't mean that you have to be enemies. You just aren't going to be the most important people in each other's lives.

It's even possible to continue loving the other person after you've met someone who is right for you, and who you love just as much as (if not more than) your ex. The other person still has the qualities that made you love them in the first place (provided, of course, that they ever did have them, and you weren't just projecting). So why not still acknowlege that?

Best case scenario - both of you find the right person for you, and all of you can still be friends. It's rare, but it can happen.

:p

Are any of you friends with an ex-partner?
Depends. I get along ok with most of my exes, mainly because I don't live anywhere near them. But things are icy with my current ex and I doubt they'll change.

I tried it, but don't recommend it at all - my most extreme case was where I broke up with a guy, didn't talk to him for several months, then felt bad and tried to make friends again because he was still a nice guy and we had a lot in common - then he started stalking me!

two of my exes and I are still pretty tight.

There's actually only one ex that I particularly dislike, and that's just incredibly recent (last year).

My ex-wife and I still talk on a fairly regular basis (She's in Oklahoma, I'm in Texas or we'd probably get together and hang out as well). The two or three girls I've "dated" since have known from the start that I still talk to my ex, that I still care about her, and that such will continue to be the case. They also are informed that I have no intentions of ever being with my ex again. As much as I care about her, I cant bring myself to want to be with her in a romantic manner. I honestly think we're better off being good friends than we ever were as a couple.

Of course, she's about the only one of my many, many ex's that I talk to. Most of the others were one-date wonders who bored me too much to make me feel they were worth my time...

i wouldn't even know how to get in touch with 2/3rd's of them anymore...
i have an ex that i talk to like once a year, but it's more out of mutual guilt about how we treated each other, so we check in from time to time...though i doubt it'll happen anymore, since i'm married now. no skin off my nose, though.
i've tried to be friends with exes in the past, but more often than not it just turned into them calling me at random times asking for a blow job. so i decided to stop going down that road, no pun intended.

*bump*

I'm friends with one of my exes. It took us two and a half years of not speaking to each other at all first, but now we get along quite well, and communicate via email and IM on a pretty regular basis. It's nice. :)