NationStates Jolt Archive

I'm sure this is all fabricated, but a friend sent this today and it's hilarious.

Australian Tourism

The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (USA)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the
directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly
harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear
and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

*snicker*

YAY! :D

*undresses for the hippo races*

*undresses for the hippo races*

*watches while touching himself*

Get a room!

*watches while touching himself*
ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

Fass The Inimitable strikes again! :D

http://www.virtualaustralia.com/australia/travel/silly-questions.shtml

It might be true but then I also found references to the questions being asked at the olympic board. That kind of suggests urbon legond. Unless of course one borrowed from the other.....

Get a room!

Only if you join us, big guy!

Fass The Inimitable strikes again! :D

Strikes, stabs with crotch, tomayto, tomato...

Rofl!

Only if you join us, big guy!
If you were just a big blonde, FEMALE Swede, you wouldn't have to ask twice.

If you were just a big blonde, FEMALE Swede, you wouldn't have to ask twice.

One such can be arranged on the condition that I still get to watch while touching myself.

*rolling on the floor crying with laughter* youve got to be joking.... As an Aussie, OMG, i thought ide met the dumbest person in the world when a scottish man asked me if i rode Kangeroos to school, he wasnt joking,

wow, there dumber out their! wow!

Altho i also had a German girl ask me if Australia was a 3rd world country, altho i was rather insulted by that, she quickly assertained that it was 1st world...
(& better than crout-land... :D JOKING, Ich leibe Deutschland!!!)

The number of people that confuse about Austria and Australia its astounding, why dont other people know basic geography! "Aint no Kangeroos in Austria!" maybe someone should import Kangeroos to Austria, see how many Americans start saying G'day to the locals, Oooooh i wanna do that!!!!!

Carn Kingscross!!!

oh one last thing, their was a safari park, (Open area with Lions Zebras Giraffs that sort of thing, you need to stay in your car) in QLD (Queensland for all you non-Aussies) the pricing goes as follows

Adults $10
Children $5
Poms on bycicles $Free!

The sign has to be changed in the 80's, cause oh yes, Poms showed up on bycicles and then complained cause they couldnt get in!!! (friggin Poms...)

OMFG! That's funny. I like nothing more than filling foreigners with tales of snakes invading your house, shark every week of summer and redbacks under the toilet seat...


Actually come to think of it, they actually are legtimate concerns...

One such can be arranged on the condition that I still get to watch while touching myself.
One day, I need to go to Sweden.

One day, I need to go to Sweden.

Come to Sweden, my dear fellow. Come!

*rolling on the floor crying with laughter* youve got to be joking.... As an Aussie, OMG, i thought ide met the dumbest person in the world when a scottish man asked me if i rode Kangeroos to school, he wasnt joking,
Sounds like you were sucked in by Scottish humour...

It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
I scared the dog laughing at that one.

Sounds like you were sucked in by Scottish humour...

Agreed. The Scottish get you with their subtlety (sp?)


Hehheh. Hippo Races... Fun for the whole family!

I scared the dog laughing at that one.
You will believe how many backpackers I've met who are scared of Drop Bears... Can't blame them though, kill more people than sharks...

I love warning foreign tourists about the dangers of Drop Bears, it's hilarious watching them warily eye the trees.

wish I could...hardly any tree here...just scrub.

http://www.virtualaustralia.com/australia/travel/silly-questions.shtml

It might be true but then I also found references to the questions being asked at the olympic board. That kind of suggests urbon legond. Unless of course one borrowed from the other.....


Yep. I remember that being busted over at snopes.com back in 2000 when it was posted to their boards as being question re the Sydney Olympics.

*watches while touching himself*
LMAO. I don't know why, but that caught me off guard in a creepy sorta way. :D

I'm sure this is all fabricated, but a friend sent this today and it's hilarious.
What's wrong? Those are good questions about AUSTRAILIA.

Here's a question for you: Are aboriginals in Australia dangerous? I mean, aren't some of them cannibals?

Oh, and... Is Australia like it was, in the movie, Crocodile Dundee 2?

http://www.weimax.com/images/Austria_No_Kangaroos.gif

Notice how some of the more stupid questions come from america - kinda makes you think.

I've seen this thing many times before, but it still makes me laugh every time XD Although the ones I saw had more questions on it... :confused: The qantas one is better, though.

Hehehe.

OMFG! That's funny. I like nothing more than filling foreigners with tales of snakes invading your house, shark every week of summer and redbacks under the toilet seat...


Actually come to think of it, they actually are legtimate concerns...

Hahahahaha!


Here's a question for you: Are aboriginals in Australia dangerous? I mean, aren't some of them cannibals?

HAHAHAHA!

*rolls on the floor*

Ah yes, tourists are fun.

We get similar weird questions in Canada; the usual thing about whether there is snow in July or if we all live in igloos and so on.

Ah yes, tourists are fun.

We get similar weird questions in Canada; the usual thing about whether there is snow in July or if we all live in igloos and so on.
Haha! One quesiton though... how do your keep your iglos frozen all year 'round?

You got the tone spot on.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Evidently Australians aren't too bright, either. ;)

Evidently Australians aren't too bright, either. ;)

"Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions."

I think you missed that part. :p

If willamena was serious when she said that, it's the funniest thing I've hear all day!

How has humanity survived this long?

How has humanity survived this long?
Because you have been here to guide us. :)

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it.
Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

These are real answers? Unbelievable. And what about this one:

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly
harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

That's just dangerous to tell someone - I officially love Australians tourism officials.

I'm seriously considering sending in twenty stupid questions just to see how they respond.

Sounds like you were sucked in by Scottish humour...
Agreed, British comedy can be very subtle.

Let's let the Aussies on the forum fill in for tourism officials. I have question --

Do toilets really flush counter-clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere?

How can you tell which direction is North without the North Star, or How can you tell which direction is South? Is there a South Star?

Do toilets really flush counter-clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere?
No. Toilets are too small to be affected by the Coriolis Effect.

How can you tell which direction is North without the North Star, or How can you tell which direction is South? Is there a South Star?
Use a compass. No, there isn't a 'South Star'.

re: toilets, yes, things spin 'relatively' backwards here, cyclonic and anti-cyclonic relative vorticities produce different (clockwise vs anti-clockwise) absolute vorticities. Basically this means our weather patterns and cyclones (hurricanes) spin the other way, as do our oceanic currents (warm currents flow poleward (south here) on the western boundaries of oceanic basins)
re: stars: there isn't a "south star" but you can use the Southern Cross (the stars on Australia's/New Zealand's Flag) and the 'pointers' to get a general idea of where south is. But hey, why would you want to travel at night?
YOWIES might get you! :p