NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, here's how it is. Pretend that you're a King or Queen from thousands of years ago and you are trying to come up with a new method of control, so you decide to create a new religion. Make one up and post it here!


Kejottism: Kejottism is a system of belief which limits and resctricts personal freedom. Any person who successfully lives through life with the least amount of pleasure they can obtain will ascend to an Eternal Las Vegas where they can operate a slot machine for all eternity. If you fail to limit your pleasure you will descend to Hailok, a place of 24/7 Britney Spears concerts, constant Blair Witch Project screenings, peanutbutter but no bread, and cereal but no milk.


The Three Laws of Kejottism:

1.Thou shall not consume water on Wednesday, Friday, and never on Monday, for the almighty Kejo beast will strike down upon thee with vengence furious anger.

2. Thou shall not lie with a memeber of thine opposite sex without the intent of procreation or thee shall be tortured and sentenced to damnation for all eternity by the sibling of Kejo, Majo in the third level of Hailok.

3. Thou shall never say the names of Kejo or Majo in a negative way, for the monster Vari shall scrape your eyeballs out with the wooden spoon of Klipo after thine death has long past.

Ok, here's how it is. Pretend that you're a King or Queen from thousands of years ago and you are trying to come up with a new method of control, so you decide to create a new religion. Make one up and post it here!


Kejottism: Kejottism is a system of belief which limits and resctricts personal freedom. Any person who successfully lives through life with the least amount of pleasure they can obtain will ascend to an Eternal Las Vegas where they can operate a slot machine for all eternity. If you fail to limit your pleasure you will descend to Hailok, a place of 24/7 Britney Spears concerts, constant Blair Witch Project screenings, peanutbutter but no bread, and cereal but no milk.


The Three Laws of Kejottism:

1.Thou shall not consume water on Wednesday, Friday, and never on Monday, for the almighty Kejo beast will strike down upon thee with vengence furious anger.

2. Thou shall not lie with a memeber of thine opposite sex without the intent of procreation or thee shall be tortured and sentenced to damnation for all eternity by the sibling of Kejo, Majo in the third level of Hailok.

3. Thou shall never say the names of Kejo or Majo in a negative way, for the monster Vari shall scrape your eyeballs out with the wooden spoon of Klipo after thine death has long past.


CONVERT, all ye heathens!!!

illspiritism:

1. Praise be unto thy creator, the divine illspirit.
2. Give me money.

Ooo Ooo!! This is fun.

History:
I am king of some place, and I have a son. Now my son was a very nice guy and a bunch of people love him. Now war breaks out and a bunch of our soldiers go to the other castle for the final battle. Bravely, my son, the leader of the troops, regroups the devastated troops and personally leads one last storm on the castle, killing all of his foes (Almost superhumanly) though dies. Now many tales come back to the kingdom about his great feats and I am very pleased (As would any former warrior and father). Now there becomes rumors that my son might have been a god. Now that is when I reveil to everyone that my family lineage is that of the gods. Due to the fact that I was the only one who was present during my son's burial, I proclaim that I had taken his body to the afterlife. I become forever known as the God, and my son is the son of god who has saved them from their enemies.

Kjata Major is a religious state...and we're....how do you say...Evil/Loving Religion without confusing it for one or the other?

Ok, here's how it is. Pretend that you're a King or Queen from thousands of years ago

You do know that 'thousands of years ago' there were no kings or queens right?

Oh, I believe there were traces of kings in Ancient Minoan civilizations though.

You do know that 'thousands of years ago' there were no kings or queens right?

well Emperors, leaders of villages, whatever. Someone in a position of power.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster, blessed be his moist appendage, shall smite all you heretics and you shall rue the day you decided to abandon his marinaran bliss!

Repent, I say! Repent! And the best way to do it is to buy authentic second-hand pirate outifits from me at low-low prices!

You do know that 'thousands of years ago' there were no kings or queens right?

The Egyptian pharaohs were essentially kings. Israel had kings thousands of years ago - check a Bible for the books of Kings. Rome (in legend at least) had seven kings before becoming a republic. And one of the most coveted titles of the ancient Middle East was "King of Sumer and Akkad" - the title continued to be claimed by various monarchs for centuries after Sumer and Akkad had ceased to exist. I could name others, but I think my point is obvious.

:rolleyes:

I thought L Ron Hubbard already played this game.... And apparently won.

Monotonism: Once a week, you must poke someone with a stick.

Mememeism:
In the beginning, there was Me. In the end, there will be Me. Me, me, me!

(I wish I could claim credit for inventing this religion, but it's actually the most commonly held religious belief on earth.)

:p

Ok, here's how it is. Pretend that you're a King or Queen from thousands of years ago and you are trying to come up with a new method of control, so you decide to create a new religion.

This forum seems to rotate debates:

1. Religion/Atheism is evil/corrupt/immoral/stupid
2. Abortion/Pro-life is evil/corrupt/immoral/stupid
3. Evolution/Creationism is evil/corrupt/immoral/stupid
4. Return to step one.
5. Repeat ad infinitum and et nauseum.

So soon it'll be abortion again, doesn't time fly? :p

Worship whatever you please, so long as you recognize the divinity of the Emperor. If you don't, your religion is illegal and all worshippers are punished by death, enslavement, or exile.

in Kejotism your Hailok sounds pretty painful except the part about cereal with no milk, I always eat my cereal dry :) .

Floydism: See Here (http://ns.goobergunch.net/wiki/index.php/Holy_Church_of_Floyd)

Hmm let me see, My own religion.

I think I would start a branch. Be sorta christian in basic beliefs, but then side track and go a bit wacko in pointless and trivial things.

All other rules of christianity still stand. I would just add theses on to mine, which I shall call:

Goatman Christians.

Rules:
1. At all times, goats must wear underwear.
2. People must change there underware, but once ever 110 years.
3. Underwear is not to be worn on the head.
4. Six times a day people must slap their knee while whistling to the tune of lay down sally. (This may be the most fundimental of these).
5. All shoes are to be fitted with taps, so people can dance everywhere, thus distinguishing out great religion about all others.

I thought L Ron Hubbard already played this game.... And apparently won.

Many have played. Not all have won, however.

[QUOTE=Kejott]

Kejottism: Kejottism is a system of belief which limits and resctricts personal freedom. Any person who successfully lives through life with the least amount of pleasure they can obtain will ascend to an Eternal Las Vegas where they can operate a slot machine for all eternity. If you fail to limit your pleasure you will descend to Hailok, a place of 24/7 Britney Spears concerts, constant Blair Witch Project screenings, peanutbutter but no bread, and cereal but no milk. [quote]

AHHH THE TERROR :eek:



[QUOTE]2. Thou shall not lie with a memeber of thine opposite sex without the intent of procreation or thee shall be tortured and sentenced to damnation for all eternity by the sibling of Kejo, Majo in the third level of Hailok.[/QUOTE
So basically ppl can have sex with the opposite sex as long as it is just for sex? Hmm intriging? What about accidental pregnancies?
The Catholic Chruch used to have a large following purely because it condemned contraceptives-which increased its following-how do you propose to stop your ppl dying out?

I've got 2 options here. One serious, one light. Read whichever one interests you more. ^^

Serious:


Kamsakism preaches the intrinsic value of treating your fellow man with kindness and respect. Furthermore, it commends and ultimately rewards doing it for its own sake.

Its history stems from a group of people who, fed up of oppression, fled their various nations and formed their own society in the mediterranean; Nominating me as leader, for some odd reason. Since all their cultures and religious ideas were varied, the religion I devised was a way to unify spirituality to make them all a little more agreeable.

Kamsakism worships the Platonic Ideal of God, defining God as whatever force of life our universe is governed by. It believes that all religions through perception apply various erroneous ideas to what God is, and so it doesn't bother itself with whatever doctrines or ideas you may have about what He/She/It did.

The recent cultural attributations have placed a Heavenly Kingdom-esque power at the head of all things. Heaven is a Constitutional Monarchy, rather like the kingdom of Kamsaki. God rules, but the people within it can sway his decisions. People ascend to this kingdom through a reincarnation Heirarchy; Humanity is the third step from the top. Your response as a human is effectively the final part of an assessment of your effectiveness as part of the Universal System.

When you die, Four things can happen.

If you live a life of self-servitude and are an unbeliever, you descend in the incarnation heirarchy. You could end up an insect, animal, tree or whatever, but eventually you'll get another chance at humanity.
If you live a life of care for your fellow man, but still an unbeliever, you remain a human in your next life. This gives you a shot at Kamsakism again fairly quickly.
If you live a self-serving Kamsakism, you ascend to the Second-last stage which is that of a heavenly servant. You're the ones who rush around and provide drinks, food and other sorts of delights to the others. This life is also a mortal one, though a long one, and your response to it will govern where you go next.
If, on the other hand, you live an empathetic Kamsakism, you jump straight to the top. You become part of God's inner circle of friends and can discuss how the world should be run.

This is just Fable though, told as incitation as a means of encouraging people to think in a certain way.

The basic rules are simple.

1) Empathetic treatment of your fellow man. Don't screw around with other people for the sake of it or the law will come down on you like a tonne of bricks.

2) Do that because it's a good idea, not because you expect some sense of reward.

3) Don't singlemindedly devote yourself to its cause. People need you more than God does.

4) God gives us a bit of leeway. The odd mistake is fine, as long as you acknowledge it and try to remedy any unhelpful aspects of our personalities.

Recently, though, a few cultural laws have been tagged on.

5) Procreative Sex outside of a stable, long-term relationship is severely frowned upon and considered a form of irresponsible self-indulgence.

6) Violence is only acceptable in life-or-death situations. Abortion is frowned upon (save in rape cases where it has been shown that the woman was helpless to prevent impregnation), but Euthanasia is not always (though it must be done only in scenarios where the chance of regaining consciousness is slim and the consent of all involved parties has been reached).

7) Sponging off the Welfare State is also considered indulgence.

8) Though other peoples' theologies are to be respected as catching their own glimpse of the Platonic Ideal God, unethical behaviour is to be condemned despite fears of offense.


Light:

Muism is the simple doctrine of the complete absense of any sort of verifiability. Nothing makes sense without context, and context is merely a collection of other things that don't make sense, so there is no point adopting any sort of rationale to this world at all. Anything you believe is as valid as anything you see or measure, so what happens when you die is completely up to yourself.

Therefore, it has three simple rules.

1) Have some sort of idea as to what it is you'd like to happen when you die. This requires some thought.
2) Any consequences of your actions are created by yourself. You are therefore advised to remove this area of yourself that creates such consequences before engaging in activities that could bring negative consequences.
3) Try to remain conscious for as long as possible. Any actions that restrict your consciousness are bringing the entire world to a standstill. So stay in control.

You do know that 'thousands of years ago' there were no kings or queens right?
Well, there were pharoahs...they were the equivalent of kings.

Mayan and Aztec cultures had kings.

Frinastism

Frinastism is a polytheistic relegion with six gods. The followers of the religion believe that they are reborn when they die, but only if they follow the 9 duties:

1) Thou must pray to the six gods every, each at a different time.
2) Thou must never speak the name of any of the gods
3) Thou must not wear yellow clothing on Monday
4) Thou must not make any day of the week besides Monday holy
6) Thou must not marry one who is not a follower of Frinastism
5) Thou must not touch one who is not a follower of Frinastism on Monday
7) Thou must must worship the six gods equally
8) Thou must make sure that one who follows thou into a Frinastist Temple, but does not follow Frinastism, stays neear thou while inside the temple
9) Thou must make a pilgramage to the Great Temple (there is only on for Frinastism) once in thou's life. Thou must visit the temple six times on the day of the pilgramage, because there are six gods.

Letilanism. Based on the ritual use of ultrastrong coffee as an entheogen.

Sonajism (simplified):

1) Thou shalt honour the Emperor, Chosen by the God.
2) Thou shalt believe in the God, or thou shalt be punished.
3) Thou shalt trust in His Greatness, the Emperor, for He is the will of the God.
4) Thou shalt work for the glory of the Empire.
5) Thou shalt not obey any foreigner.
6) Thou shalt not speak of the Emperor to a foreigner.
7) Thou shalt not utter the Gods name.
8) Thou shalt not hurt another imperialist.
9) Thou shalt revere the Holy Number of Nine, the number of the God.

create a new religion
Oh no! Not ANOTHER one. How about "snuff a religion" ?

Rammsteinism

In the beginning, there were six German guys who play industiral metal music. One day, they got bored and made humanity, so they could laugh and point at something other than Flake when he drops his glasses and breaks them.

The laws of Rammsteinism:
I. Thou shalt worship Rammstein and only Rammstein.
II. Thou shalt listen to Rammstein on a regular basis.
III. Thou shalt have large images of each member of Rammstein on their wall, which thou shalt bow to every morning.
IV. Thou shalt do no dance other than the "Weißes Fleisch" dance.
V. Thou shalt kill three random men for sacrifice to Rammstein bi-weekly.
VI. Thou shalt speak only in German and stereotypical German-accented English.
VII. Thou shalt ass rape thy neighbour.

The Gods:
Till Lindemann (Fire God, Anal rape God)
Christian "Flake" Lorenz (Nerd God)
Christoph Schneider (Effeminate God)
Paul Landers (Short God)
Oliver Riedel (Tall God, Bald God)
Richard Kruspe-Bernstein (Rock Star God)

Hierarchy of Clergy in Rammsteinism (least to greatest):
Fan
Fan-Girl (Females Only)
Obsessor
Groupie
Stalker

HEIL RAMMSTEIN!