NationStates Jolt Archive

Ever overhear (or participate in) a conversation where one party says something really really dumb? You know, makes an ass of themselves and has to backpedal and try to save face? Hilarious stuff... anyway, share your stories here, feel free to change names to protect the innocent, if you must.

The following was overheard in the Godiva Chocolate Shop in my local mall.

A man overhears a foreign woman speaking, and decides to take a blind stab at her national identity...
Him: Oh, are you German?

The woman responds with shock and horror
Her: I am not German, I am Estonian!

The man, perhaps suddenly realizing that the woman he is speaking to is not a German, but rather, probably a survivor of German death squads. His face-saving response should go down in the Guinness Book of World Records as "Strangest Thing Extracted From Human Anus:"
Him: Oh, Estonian? I'm an eighth Belorussian!"

Ah yes, sir, well now you're practically cousins aren't you? He then proceeded to mention a few tidbits of East European politics to quickly defuse the situation, and left the encounter without any serious knife wounds or neck trauma from, say, an angered Estonian woman terribly offended. I, however, was terribly amused for the rest of the day... and still am.

This one is between my buddy Jamie and a store clerk:

Jamie: "A pack of Legends Light (brand of smokes), please."
Clerk: *looks Jamie up and down, noting he doesn't look at all 19* "Can I see some ID please."
Jamie: *fishes for his ID*
Clerk: *sees Jamie's dad's driver's license in his wallet and proceeds to snatch it away* "This isn't your wallet!"
Jamie: "Uh, yes it is, see my health card right there?"
Clerk: "Then who is this?" *flashes the license with a small smirk of triumph*
Jamie: "That's my dad."
Clerk: "Does he know you have his driver's license?"
Jamie: "He's dead."
Clerk: *look of absolute shock*
Jamie: *walks out of store with a free pack of smokes*

And this one is between my ex, my friend and my ex's current boyfriend:

Warren (my friend): "You know Tyler, I'm gonna rail your girlfriend."
Tina (my ex): "Would you stop that!?"
Me: "I wouldn't mind a piece myself."
Tina: "You too!"
Tyler (my ex's boyfriend): "You guys can go ahead, it's not all it's cracked up to be."
Me, Warren, Tina: *expressions of pure shock*
Tyler: "What?"
Tina: *gives Tyler a look of death*
Me: "Here's your sign (a reference to comedian Bill Engvall)."

If it weren't for that horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.

I had an aunt who had decided to get a generator. She told my grandfather that she was going to keep it in her basement. My grandfather responded that she can't run it in the house, to which my aunt asked "Why?" "It's a gas engine, it will emit exhaust," he told her. My aunt replied "Oh. I thought that you just plugged it into the wall."

If it weren't for that horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.

Lewis Black is a funny man

Anytime my friend begins his "...and we all know the Germans make the best ovens..." routine. It's one of those moments you back slowly away and act as if you've never met him before in your life...

Me arguing with someone over religion and science:

Them: I hate technology, I try to use it as less as possible

Me: So why do you have a computer?

Them: A computer?

Me: Yes a computer

Them: uhhh no I don't, I have a laptop

Me: What do you think a laptop is!??

Them: uhhh a laptop?

Me: *shakes head and walks away*

My brother acts like he has street smarts, but he and his friend are just faux pas. They talk loudly. They are rude. They yell and call people they don't even know bitches. In this day and age where even that kindergartener could have stolen his or her father's gun, you should watch your mouth. My brother even drops the f-bomb on me daily. Everyone outside can hear him, even though he says it inside. You don't go around getting strangers who could be consealing a knife angry. It's just stupid and socially unacceptable. I think they have drugs for that though.

You know what I can't stand? People who give you shit about wearing fur or leather or eating meat, but they wear shit made in sweatshop, and they still use soap, shampoo, take medicine, and in many other ways beinifit from the suffering of animals and people.

My brother acts like he has street smarts, but he and his friend are just faux pas. They talk loudly. They are rude. They yell and call people they don't even know bitches. In this day and age where even that kindergartener could have stolen his or her father's gun, you should watch your mouth. My brother even drops the f-bomb on me daily. Everyone outside can hear him, even though he says it inside. You don't go around getting strangers who could be consealing a knife angry. It's just stupid and socially unacceptable. I think they have drugs for that though.
You could teach him the value of a closed mouth by knifing him...

My brother acts like he has street smarts, but he and his friend are just faux pas. They talk loudly. They are rude. They yell and call people they don't even know bitches. In this day and age where even that kindergartener could have stolen his or her father's gun, you should watch your mouth. My brother even drops the f-bomb on me daily. Everyone outside can hear him, even though he says it inside. You don't go around getting strangers who could be consealing a knife angry. It's just stupid and socially unacceptable. I think they have drugs for that though.

Bitch slap him.

You know what I can't stand? People who give you shit about wearig fur or leather, but they wear shit made in sweatshop, and they still use soap, shampoo, take medicine, and in many other ways beinifit from the suffering of animals and people.
Two things:

1) I agree with you absolutely
2) Best location ever!

Sitting in the city bus years ago I overheard this:

"Did you like the old city?"

"What city?"

"The old city we just were"

"Was this the city, then?"

"Yes, of course! Where did you think we've spend the whole day?"

"I don't know."

"We have seen the old cathederal, haven't we?"

"Yes"

"So...?"

"So we've been to the old city all day, then?"



AAAARRRGGGHHHH

Ever overhear (or participate in) a conversation where one party says something really really dumb? You know, makes an ass of themselves and has to backpedal and try to save face?
Yeah, thugh I'm prett sure no one here even tries the 'saving face' part... infact I'm pretty sure that most of the people in the town I live with wouldn't even notice if they said something terribly stupid...

"You guys are from Ireland?"

me: "Northern Ireland"

"Sure It's all the same to me...no snakes"

Well, thanks for that enlightened view on Irish unity.

"You guys are from Ireland?"

me: "Northern Ireland"

"Sure It's all the same to me...no snakes"

Well, thanks for that enlightened view on Irish unity.
lmao!

*stops*

*Catholic Rotovia flees room*

Me: you know spanish and italian are actually the same language(I say this jokingly to piss my friend off)

friend:UGH!!! I can't believe you said that. uhhhhh, well what if I said to you Irish and Gaelic are the same language
.........

not necesarilly funny, but stupid none the less