NationStates Jolt Archive

Add your own, comment, etc. Alternate title: Zexaland's Guide to being a Total Jerk.

Democrats
-Quote Ronald Reagan favourably.

Republicans
-Quote Hillary Clinton favourably.

Nazis
-Point out Hilter's grandmother was a Jewish maid.

Jews
-Wish them a Merry Christmas.
-Ask them why exactly the Jewish Faith still exists now we have Christianity and Islam.

Marxists
-Ask them if Capitalism doesn't work because it's the most successful system concieved so far or because they didn't think of it first.

Christians
-Tell them about the parts of the Bible that OK oral sex and three-somes (no, seriously there are parts of the Bible that say this is OK)
-Tell them you're gay and loving it.
-Tell them Islam is cooler.

Muslims
-Tell them you're gay and loving it.
-Say Mohammed was a terrorist.
-Tell them Christianity makes more sense.

Writers
-Ask "But how do you make a living?" when they tell he/she is a writer.

Artists
-Look puzzled at their work, then ask if it's finished yet.

Zexaland
-N/A, it is unwise to annoy Zexaland.

Will you be my slave?

White Supremacists
-Make fun of the KKK

Black Supremacists
-Correct their english

Democrats
-Quote Ronald Reagan favourably.
It’s easier to call them the Party of No. You don’t have to look up stuff.
Republicans
-Quote Hillary Clinton favourably
Or point out inconsistency, once again, easier.
Nazis
-Point out Hilter's grandmother was a Jewish maid.
Tell them that Hitler only had one testicle, and that he may have been gay.
Jews
-Wish them a Merry Christmas.
Works wonders.
Christians
-Tell them about the parts of the Bible that OK oral sex and three-somes (no, seriously there are parts of the Bible that say this is OK)
-Tell them you're gay and loving it.
-Tell them Islam is cooler
Grrr. I'm annoyed. :p
Muslims
-Tell them you're gay and loving it.
-Say Mohammed was a terrorist.
-Tell them Christianity makes more sense.
Ask them how many wives they have.
Writers
-Ask "But how do you make a living?" when they tell he/she is a writer.
ROFL!
Artists
-Look puzzled at their work, then ask if it's finished yet.
I’ve done that. So much fun.
Zexaland
-N/A, it is unwise to annoy Zexaland.
*poke*

A British person
-Tell them the Germans should have dropped cookbooks on them
- Ask them how long until they apply for statehood
- Compliment them patronizingly about their teeth

Poets
-Be another poet.

Feminists
-Ask them to make your dinner (works even if you're female)

Italian Mafia
-Join the Chinese Triads.
-Quote the movie "The Godfather" regularly.

Chinese Triads
-Join the Italian Mafia.
-Say the Yakuza (Japanese Mafia) are cooler.

Chinese Triads
-Say the Yakuza (Japanese Mafia) are cooler.
Owned.

Tag: Waiting for mroe goodnes, to flow... :D

Pagans- Kill a tree.

Christians
-Tell them about the parts of the Bible that OK oral sex and three-somes (no, seriously there are parts of the Bible that say this is OK)
-Tell them you're gay and loving it.
-Tell them Islam is cooler.



You've failed. I'm not annoyed. Heh.

Chinese Triads
-Join the Italian Mafia.
-Say the Yakuza (Japanese Mafia) are cooler.

Weird. I'm still not annoyed. :p

A British person
-Tell them the Germans should have dropped cookbooks on them
- Ask them how long until they apply for statehood
- Compliment them patronizingly about their teeth

-Hah. American cuisine, anyone?:P
-We don't get the whole teeth thing, so it doesn't work (Our teeth are fine, try going east of the Iron Curtain).
-Statehood, yep that'd probably earn you a punch, I'll give you that.

How to REALLY piss off a British person:

-Pretend you thought that Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Dickens etc. (any great literary figure) was an American.
-Compliment Tony Blair.
-Demonstrate your preference for the French/Irish.
-Say "You know, I think the IRA have a point..."
-Really bad table manners.

For a French person:

-Remind them of their history.
-Speak English, no matter what.
-Say you think Italian/German/English food is better, seriously it works.

For an American person:

-Say "The Soviets won WW2 for us"
-Make reference to the cultural vacuousness.
-Dismiss organised religion/democracy/capitalism.

Jack Thompsonites (people who hate video games):
-Pull out a PSP or other portable game system and play it before their eyes
-Dress up like Zelda or some other video game character
-Win the lawsuit they file against you for liking video games

Star Wars geeks
-Point out how much Star Wars sucks.
-Point out how much of a hack George Lucas really is
-Refuse to acknowledge that "but the special effects were good" is sufficient an excuse for the affront to decency episodes I-III are

Weird. I'm still not annoyed. :p
:eek: You’re a member of the Chinese mob!
I didn’t know you had it in ya. :p :D

For a French person:
Have women shave

For a person with OCD (I have it):
Leave things open
Put things in the wrong places

For a Greek person:
Say that Turkey is better

For a Turkish person:
Say that Greece is better

Capitalists
-Ask them if they've sold their Grandmother yet.
-Say you have more money than them.
-Say Capitalist Pig whenever you greet them.

Israel
-Ask them when they're leaving that stolen land.
-Ask them if their compsenating for something when they fire a hundred missiles into a terrorist camp.

Jews
- Shout Heil Hitler, Wear an SS uniform
- Say the holicaust didn't happen.
- Say you're trying to find a Lawyer to have their religion sued for murdering Jesus.

Southeast Asia
-Tell them that their children need to quit being so sloppy, they need to make those shoes better.

Pope (New)
-Talk about you knew he'd get the Job because it's just like German man to come up and kick the Polish man out of his home.
- Say he was a lazy slacker because he quit the Hitler Youth.

Anti Video game people
-Give them Porn games
-Walk around talking about how many people you killed in GTA.
-Write a letter to them in 1337.

NSforumers
-Make a thread titled "I SUUT NUUKS AT U AND U ALL DIE!"
- Make all your RP posts one liners.
- Misspell constantly

For an Irish person:
-Call them a "Brit".

For an English person:
-Call them a "Brit".

For a Welsh person:
-Call them a "Brit".
-Make Sheep-like noises.
-Pretend you've never heard of Wales.

For a Scottish person:
-Call them a "Brit."

Jews:
-Say "Happy Holocaust!" and give them a little card every time the date comes round.

Christians:
-Tell them you've had 20 abortions, and are planning on another.
-Laugh during church sermons, loudly.


Black People:
-Refer to them as "boy".
-Speak in Pidgin English at them, before using normal english on a nearby white person.
-Ask them how much they cost.

Capitalists
-Ask them if they've sold their Grandmother yet.
-Say you have more money than them.
-Say Capitalist Pig whenever you greet them.
1. I got good money for her
2. Just steal it
3. Call the other person a pinko commie


NSforumers
-Make a thread titled "I SUUT NUUKS AT U AND U ALL DIE!"
- Make all your RP posts one liners.
- Misspell constantly
1. That scares me
2. That pisses me off
3. You are very annoying

-Hah. American cuisine, anyone?:P
Tex-Mex rules!
-We don't get the whole teeth thing, so it doesn't work (Our teeth are fine, try going east of the Iron Curtain).
I know y’all have fine teeth, the point was it’s patronizing.
“Oh, look at the cute English person. It even has all its’ teeth. Oh honey, let's take a picture." :p
-Refuse to acknowledge that "but the special effects were good" is sufficient an excuse for the affront to decency episodes I-III are
Good thing that isn’t my excuse.

To an evolutionist (at the zoo):

- Oh look! *point at orangutan scratching her butt and picking her nose* You sure do look and act like your great grandmother.

Add your own, comment, etc. Alternate title: Zexaland's Guide to being a Total Jerk.

Democrats
-Quote Ronald Reagan favourably.

Republicans
-Quote Hillary Clinton favourably.

Nazis
-Point out Hilter's grandmother was a Jewish maid.

Jews
-Wish them a Merry Christmas.
-Ask them why exactly the Jewish Faith still exists now we have Christianity and Islam.

Marxists
-Ask them if Capitalism doesn't work because it's the most successful system concieved so far or because they didn't think of it first.

Christians
-Tell them about the parts of the Bible that OK oral sex and three-somes (no, seriously there are parts of the Bible that say this is OK)
-Tell them you're gay and loving it.
-Tell them Islam is cooler.

Muslims
-Tell them you're gay and loving it.
-Say Mohammed was a terrorist.
-Tell them Christianity makes more sense.

Writers
-Ask "But how do you make a living?" when they tell he/she is a writer.

Artists
-Look puzzled at their work, then ask if it's finished yet.

Zexaland
-N/A, it is unwise to annoy Zexaland.


Musicians
-listen to one of thier songs, make a face and say, "you call that shit MUSIC??"

Comedians
-refuse to laugh at anything they say
-say something funnier than they did, from the audience
-talk to everyone at your table while they are throwing down.

This is a fairly lame thread, i mean how difficult is it to figure how to piss people off? Since i'm here i'll contribute, how to piss off a Canadian,tell him the health care system here sucks, hockey is for pussies, and your beer tastes like Bud.

Tex-Mex rules!

I know y’all have fine teeth, the point was it’s patronizing.
“Oh, look at the cute English person. It even has all its’ teeth. Oh honey, let's take a picture." :p

Good thing that isn’t my excuse.

Still wouldn't make much sense to your Average British person, as I said, most people don't know about the whole teeth thing.

PETA
-Say "You really should try the veal, its delicious."
-Ask them how you look in your fur coat.

Good thing that isn’t my excuse.

You may be clever enough to realise that there is no excuse for those films - just shame.

For an Irish person:
-Call them a "Brit".

For an English person:
-Call them a "Brit".

For a Welsh person:
-Call them a "Brit".
-Make Sheep-like noises.
-Pretend you've never heard of Wales.

For a Scottish person:
-Call them a "Brit."

Jews:
-Say "Happy Holocaust!" and give them a little card every time the date comes round.

Christians:
-Tell them you've had 20 abortions, and are planning on another.
-Laugh during church sermons, loudly.


Black People:
-Refer to them as "boy".
-Speak in Pidgin English at them, before using normal english on a nearby white person.
-Ask them how much they cost.

Not racist, incidentally. Just a wind-up merchant.

You may be clever enough to realise that there is no excuse for those films - just shame.
Its strictly a matter of personal opinion, and nothing more, but you go on and on about it like the Christians did about "The Last Teptation Of Christ".

You may be clever enough to realise that there is no excuse for those films - just shame.
They need no excuse, or “How to annoy an anti-Star Wars fan.”

Black People:
-Refer to them as "boy".
-Speak in Pidgin English at them, before using normal english on a nearby white person.
-Ask them how much they cost.
Wow, I am offended. Nice work.

For Italian Grandmothers
-Make your own lasagna and bring it to a party
-Criticize the pope

For Ukranians
-Call them a Russian
-Call them a Pole
-Ask them if they're Polish/Russian, and when they say they're Ukrainian, ask them where it is

For the Irish
-Ask if they have any other dish besides potatoes
-Say you practice abstinence from drinking
-Say the British won fair and square

You may be clever enough to realise that there is no excuse for those films - just shame.



The exception to the rule: Episode III.

Star Wars geek
-Tell them Star Trek is better

Star Trek geek
-Tell them Star Wars is better
-Tell them Klingon is a stupid language

Ethical Vegetarians
-Point out how tasty the veal is
-Point out how many little animals are killed during the harvesting of grain

An overweight person:
Offer to accompany them to the gym
Ask them if they ever eat anywhere other than McDonald's
Act shocked when they tell you it's due to a medication. Wink and say "It's okay, I know the truth. I won't judge you."

A skinny person:
Offer them food. Repeat.
Go on and on about how they really should eat more.
Act shocked when they tell you that they have a hard time gaining weight. Insist that they must be lying.

A Canadian:
Insist that they must live an igloo/have a pet beaver/have a pet moose/drink beer all the time/live in a snowy place/say 'eh' all the time.

Rock Musicians
-Throw beer bottles at their heads during concerts.

Ravers
-Refuse their generous offers of glitter, stickers and hugs.
-Change the genre of the music playing every hour or so (apparently this REALLY pisses them off).

Jamacian Teenagers
-Assume they are on drugs.
-Add "mon" to the end of your sentences when directly speaking to them.

Southern Americans
-Tell them the Confedaratecy sucked.
-Come from New York.
-Ask whenever the "heritage of the South" is racism or back-wardsness.

Black Gangsta Rappers
-Say in the most sarcastic, obnoxious tone "YO,YO, YO, THAT SHIT IS TIGHT, DAWG!" (Best works when you're white.)
-Ask them if they know twenty words to rythme with "dead policeman."
-Do a drive-by shooting on them.

An African
-Mention unification to them
-Ask them if they know what a condom is

A Japanese
-Tell them American porno industry is better

A Muslim
-Tell them Allah is european

An Arab
-Mention the fact Isreal kicked their butts in every single war

A Irish
-Tell them that alcohol is for the weak

A Christian
-Ask them how god banged Mary
-Tell them Jesus is probably getting drunk with his holy ability of turning water into wine

An African
-Mention unification to them
-Ask them if they know what a condom is

A Japanese
-Tell them American porno industry is better


That's not offensive, that's just bloody stupid.

EDIT: Video Gamers: Constantly tap them on the shoulder while they are playing and ask them if you can play the game now.

EDIT AGAIN: Bank Tellers: Shout random numbers while they are counting money.

Southern Americans
-Tell them the Confedaratecy sucked.
-Come from New York.
-Ask whenever the "heritage of the South" is racism or back-wardsness.

-Try to incorporate the words "Lincoln," "Union," "United States" into as much of your dialogue as possible.
-Be a liberal. Mention this as frequently as humanly possible.
-Crack jokes about Strom Thurmond.
-Refer to General Lee as a "traitor" (he was, have no doubt) as often as possible.

Oh, and act really surprised if you see them reading anything. Patronize them about it constantly.

Southern Americans
-Tell them the Confedaracy sucked.
-Come from New York.
-Ask whenever the "heritage of the South" is racism or back-wardsness.


Damn, beat me to it. I'll add:
-Point to the next Confederate Flag you see and say "Hey, didn't they lose?"

Rap Fans:
-Tell them you can't understand a single word in the song.
-Tell them that Country kicks ass.

Country Fans:
-Tell them the singers sound like rednecks.
-Tell them that Rap kicks ass.

Video Gamers:
-Claim that gaming is immoral.
-Claim that gaming lowers intelligence.

Blind People: Move around their furniture.

Damn, beat me to it. I'll add:
-Point to the next Confederate Flag you see and say "Hey, didn't they lose?"

Rap Fans:
-Tell them you can't understand a single word in the song.
-Tell them that Country kicks ass.

Country Fans:
-Tell them the singers sound like rednecks.
-Tell them that Rap kicks ass.

Video Gamers:
-Claim that gaming is immoral.
-Claim that gaming lowers intelligence.
Wrong

Rap Fans
-Say rap isn't real music
-Say rap only talks about drugs, women, and guns

Country fans
-Tell them country sucks
-Tell them black music is better

Video gamers
-Nothing, they are too busy playing video games

For an irish person

ask them if its the southern or the northern part where all the trouble is
call them british
make potato jokes

For a scottish person

call them scotch men or women
call them british
ask them to show what theyre wearing under their kilt (unless they're drunk)

For a welsh person

make sheep jokes
call them british

For an english person
suggest that perhaps the british empire wasn't the most wonderful
thing that could possibly have happened to any of the countries they controlled

suggest that british is a term they use to allow their inferiors to think
they somehow view them as equals

tell them they are getting as ill informed and emotional as americans


For americans

criticize any clearly immoral or illegal action that their state has done to
other states.

let them know that you actually do think that most of them are brain dead.

ask them to point out any named state on a map of the united states.

Point out that many other countries have much more representative democratic structures than they do

point out that they aren't really (ethnic origin of your choice) at all

Er Relative Power they are British!

This thread sucks!-Hows that?

People in general:

Spend an entire day speaking in nothing but quotes from movies. For extra credit: Speak in nothing but quotes from the same movie(or movie trilogy).

I once spent a whole day holding conversations with nothing but Star Wars quotes. Almost got me killed. :p

Germans
- Any reference to making jokes about Jews or the Holocaust (I mean it. Please leave that be)

Nazis
- Ask them whether it was warm during the Russian winter in the Russian lines
- Continuously ask them "But we won the war, right?"
- Ask them for their phrenology results
- Remind them that "By his own standards, Hitler was a bastard-type breed."

For Irish and Americans ppl
Tell them they are still under British Rule

For Irish ppl again
Say you are from America but as your great great great great grandfathers dogs flea is Irish, you are just as Irish to them

freemasons:
prod them repeatly in the face with your index finger

Germans:

- Make fun of their cars
- Make fun of their soccer club (if you can run really fast, that is)

Bavarians:

- Ask them to speak German.
- Confuse Munich with Vienna

Librarians:

- Point out that you think that they have the best job in thw world and that you wish you could get paid for reading all day long, too.

Art collectors:

- Advise them that they COULD spend their money on something useful instead

Leabians:

- Keep introducing them to single men and set them up for dates (should work the other way round, too)

Ah, Bavarians :D :
- Complain about how Bairish is the same as Austrian
- Mention it was the Prussians beat Napoleon at Waterloo and the Bavarians that followed him into Russia
- Mention how "Preissendeitsch" is still considered the official German language
- Mention Bismarck and which German state forged a united Germany
- In fact, just mention the Prussians...
- Mention which party has been ruling Bavaria for its entire history in the republic and drop a line that their political enemies have been ruling Munich almost as long
- When they talk about the "Freistaat", mention that Saxony and Thuringia are "Freistaaten" too

A Muslim
-Tell them Allah is european

An Arab
-Mention the fact Isreal kicked their butts in every single war

A Irish
-Tell them that alcohol is for the weak

A Christian
-Ask them how god banged Mary
-Tell them Jesus is probably getting drunk with his holy ability of turning water into wine

SCORCHED!

Leabians:

- Keep introducing them to single men and set them up for dates (should work the other way round, too)

...I don't get it, also what's a "Leabian"?

You've failed. I'm not annoyed. Heh.

It works only on FANATICAL Christians.

Bump!

Bassists: say "it's only got four strings, how hard can it be?!".

Drummers: maintain they aren't proper musicians.

For the wannabe thugs:
Tell them the movie Scarface wasn't real.

OK it may not annoy them, but they will be very sad for a few weeks.

Er Relative Power they are British!

This thread sucks!-Hows that?

Yep, but english, welsh, ulster etc. don't like being called British.

For Homophobic male teenagers:
Do you like porn?
Yeah of course I do?
So do you just like girl on girl?
Naw I can get off to a man and a woman making love
So do you like little tiny dicks?
No I like the big honking... I did not know that about myself.. ;)

Republicans:
"Now that he's dead I wish I could step on Reagan's head!" (I've done this, it rhymes and it's funny!)

Socialists:
"Oh come on people are just lazy"

Pro-Lifers(from the t-shirthell shirt)
"I support stem-cell research, but only as a byproduct for my support of killing babies!"

See PETA testing is necessary. Those dead babies could one day save lives!

Republican Punks:
Point out that most of the music they like is directed at hating Bush
Remind them that real punks wouldn't support Christian right government
Tell them the truth: THAT THEY ARE POSERS!

surely this one would annoy all groups of people!?!

lol


Rock Musicians
-Throw beer bottles at their heads during concerts.

Christians
-Ask them if Jesus was a zombie
-Tell them you don't go to church

Southern Baptists
-Point out that the Southern Baptists separated from the Baptist convention because the regular Baptists wern't fundamentalist enough

Mormons
-Tell them Mormonism isn't Christianity
-Tell them Mormonism is Christianity with 30% more ridiculousness

Catholics
-Tell them Catholicism isn't Christianity
-Ask them if they are saved yet

Republicans
-Say anything that includes the word "liberal" - even "Would you like a liberal amount of jelly on your toast?"

Southern racists
-Tell them the South never rose in the first place
-Ask them what they won at the last KKK cakewalk

Amateur Actors
-Ask them when they are getting a real job
-See if they made their "big break" yet

Goths
-Ask them how their gig as a clown is working out

GOTHS
-Punch them in the face, then tell them to grow up and stop rebelling by buying hundreds of dollars in designer wear.

EMO KIDS
-Punch them in the face, then tell them that the moon is not f***ing lonely and that life sucks so buy a f***ing helmet.

Don't actually do anything mentioned here.

Students:
- Ask them if they shouldn't be in school right now. Don't forget to mention how others are working hard and contributing to the country.
- Ask them how many more years they still have to study. Reply surprised and offer them your sympathies.

Artists:
- Look at their work for a long time and then say: 'Yeah, it's... different.'
- Give them some change.

the Dutch:
- Ask them if they can send you marijuana.
- Compare their abortion/euthanasia laws to the Holocaust.
- Be a loud American.
- Be an American and call the Dutch decadent.
- Be German and shout '1974' in a bar. (And RUN!)
- Say Dutch sounds like German.
- Pretend you don't have any idea where the Netherlands are located. (Not having to pretend is just a bonus.)
- Keep saying how everything is so cute and small.
- Say 'Ah, Holland! That's the capital of Amsterdam, right?'

Germans:
- Mention the war.
- Answer their questions by clicking the heels of your boots together and shouting 'Jawohl!'
- Say they have a rude and ugly language.

Eastern Europeans:
- Ask when they will emigrate to Western Europe.
- Wear a CCCP-shirt.

Countries like Portugal, Rumania and other countries with a self-esteem problem:
- Ask them about the history and culture of their country. Then, when they are starting their enthusiastic story, yawn and go talk to someone else.

Christians:
- Impossible. They will either say you're misinterpreting the bible or that any Christian who did evil wasn't a réal Christian.
(Similar goes for other religions.)

Socialists:
- Ask how much their parents make.
- Mention Stalin.

Philosophers:
- Ask if the meaning of life would truly be to sit around and ponder the meaning of life all day.

Christians
-Tell them about the parts of the Bible that OK oral sex and three-somes (no, seriously there are parts of the Bible that say this is OK)



Really? Where?

Christians:
- Impossible. They will either say you're misinterpreting the bible or that any Christian who did evil wasn't a réal Christian.
(Similar goes for other religions.)
No, believe me. Ask them if Jesus was a zombie.

the Dutch:
- Be German and shout '1974' in a bar. (And RUN!)Muahahaha! :D
Oh, did I mention I was in the Netherlands for the EuroCup game?

- Say Dutch sounds like German.
It does though. Mispronounced German...

Ethical Vegetarians
-Point out how tasty the veal is
-Point out how many little animals are killed during the harvesting of grain

NOT OFFENDED, or even mildly annoyed... must do better!

NOT OFFENDED, or even mildly annoyed... must do better!How about being called a plant-murderer? :confused:

Bassists: say "it's only got four strings, how hard can it be?!".

Drummers: maintain they aren't proper musicians.

:p tres amusing. i'm a bassist, my brothers a drummer (and i almost agree with the second one)

Muahahaha! :D
Oh, did I mention I was in the Netherlands for the EuroCup game?

The DE-NL game from last Wednesday? Or longer ago?

I live right across the Feijenoord stadium, but don't know that much about soccer. :)

It does though. Mispronounced German...

ARGH! :D
It's a completely different language, everyone can hear that! (Ah.. who am I trying to fool...)

How about being called a plant-murderer? :confused:

yeah whatever

NOT OFFENDED, or even mildly annoyed... must do better!
All your incessant plant eating is causing the use of larger amounts of pesticides which kills more and more creatures and endangers bald eagles.

- Answer their questions by clicking the heels of your boots together and shouting 'Jawohl!'
LOL.


A skinny person:
Go on and on about how they really should eat more.
Act shocked when they tell you that they have a hard time gaining weight. Insist that they must be lying.
Yeah, those really piss me of, especially since it´s my family who does it... Anyway:

Swedes:
-Wave the Swedish flag.
-Sing Swedens national anthem.
-Ask one of the princesses home to your place for 'tea'.
-Say that Arne Weise is a 'gaggy old assh*le'. (Weise is about as big as Santa here, he conducted christmas celebrations on the TV for 30 or so years)
-Ask why they havn´t got blond hair and blue eyes. Call them liars.
-Ask someone the way.
-Ask someone if they´re amercian.
-Ask why there are so few people in the country, considering the size.
-Make fun of red-and-white houses.
-Do something embarassing.

Norweigans (?)
-Tell them it was stupid to break of from Sweden.
-Claim that you hate fish and are trying to close down the oil rigs outside Norway.
-Tell them their flag looks stupid.

Danes:
-Ask why they´re talking as if they´re trying to eat a hot potato.
-Ask why they don´t just join Germany and get it over with.

Icelander:
-Ask how one´s parents are related. (chances are, they are related)
-Ask why there is so little ice, considering the name.

Greenlander:
-Ask why there is so little grass, considering the name.

Young people:
-Say "My, you have grown!"
-Call them midgets.
-Start asking around for them while they´re standing in front of you.

Old people:
-Scream.
-Ask them about their will.
-Continue asking if their pacemaker is safe, or if there is some way it could be disrupted, 'for their security', of course.
-Pretend you can´t hear them.
-Laugh at their heirlooms.

ACTORS, ACTRESSES
- When they tell you that they act, laugh and say, "No, but really: what IS your job?"

Irish- Tell them Potato's suck

The French:
Tell them their cooking gives you indigestion and hives.
Ask them if they ever won a battle in any of their wars.

The Italians:
Tell them their women are too fat.
Ask them if it's true that the shortest book in the world is "Italian War Heros."

The Russians:
Ask them how many Cosmonauts they really lost.
Tell them Afghanistan now has a higher per capita income than they do.

The Mexicans:
Tell them their entire economy would collapse if the US closed its borders.
Ask them if their government is a dictatorship.

NOT OFFENDED, or even mildly annoyed... must do better!

The one that has succeeded in annoying me:
- You can't be vegetarian AND fly with an airplane or drive a car!

(What about making choices? You mustn't take things to extremes.)

ARGH! :D
It's a completely different language, everyone can hear that! (Ah.. who am I trying to fool...)My Geman grandparents live in North, those "Fishheads" :D
Plattdeutsch isn't all that different from Dutch, because it actually is pretty much the same language, instead of what is spoken in the rest of Germany...
If I hear Dutch, I'm actually really reminded of old German...

You forgot the "Bitte noch ein Mal" for the pissing off the Germans, though...
(I've seen those T-shirts in Amsterdam...)

This works every time

Meat-eaters:
I'm a vegetarian

Then ignore everything they say for the next 10-15 minutes.

-Christians
-Tell them about the parts of the Bible that OK oral sex and three-somes (no, seriously there are parts of the Bible that say this is OK)
.

Um, chapter and verse?

This works every time

Meat-eaters:
I'm a vegetarian

Then ignore everything they say for the next 10-15 minutes.


Actually, I think it's the vegetarians that get more upset when you tell them you eat meat, especially veal. And then, after listening to their spiel, invite them to lunch at KFC. :p

Actually, I think it's the vegetarians that get more upset when you tell them you eat meat, especially veal. And then, after listening to their spiel, invite them to lunch at KFC. :p
That's a good one

Pamela Anderson
-Ask her to go eat with you at KFC

PETA in general
-Ask them if they support making up false videos about chain restuarant practices

Actually, I think it's the vegetarians that get more upset when you tell them you eat meat, especially veal. And then, after listening to their spiel, invite them to lunch at KFC. :p

I guess it depends from person to person. I mean I don't try to convert people to vegetarianism. lol But sometimes I feel like an alcoholic. People are like oh you don't eat meat. Why? IF it health reasons or ethics? Do you mind if I eat meat in front of you? (*This part I don't mind, it's the I'm interested in your freakish ways*) It's the next part when they get my answers and then try to convince me that I should eat meat because...

Non-smokers:

-Ask your non-smoking friends to go out on the balcony when you´re about to smoke.
-Stand in the middle of a subway-cart and smoke, forcing everyone else to move to get away from the smoke.

Misc:

-Add that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
-Use one dryer for every sock in the laundry room.
-Only wear clothes in flourescent red.
-Practice sounding like a fax or modem.
-Use a LOT of aftershave.
-Use flares on a birthdaycake.
-At a restaurant, don´t sit down at a table. Stand by the counter and eat all the mints.
-Finish all sentences with 'according to the prophecy'.
-Make an appointment september 31st.
-Ask the waitress for an extra seat for you invisible friend.
-Order bacon with your Filet Mignon
-Pay your lunchtab with quarters.
-Invite loads of people to someone else´s party.
-Ask telemarketers out to dinner.
-NEVER break eye-contact.
-Change the channel 5 minutes before each show ends.
-Wear a cape saying 'The Amazing'.
-Start all sentences with the phrase 'Oh la la!'.
-Start each meal with licking all your food. Tell people that it is because you don´t want anyone to take your food.

It's the next part when they get my answers and then try to convince me that I should eat meat because...

... it's good for you! :D Tastes great, too! :)

... it's good for you! :D Tastes great, too! :)

Thats why I eat the fake stuff ;)

Retriever owners:
Throw a retrievable object

Anybody
-Walk up to them, point you finger in their face and scream,"YOU SUCK"

In general when people are having a serious conversation it is amusing to walk up and just:

a.) jump into the argument

b.) hump someone's leg

Retriever owners:
Throw a retrievable objectIt's worse if you do it to people when they're firmly attached to the dog by a leash or you throw the object somwhere the dog is bound to get dirty (or BOTH!) ;)

Me:
- Ask me what this € is... *grumble*

Thats why I eat the fake stuff ;)



Which only proves that what you really want is the real thing!

Liberals-Ask them what the children who work in American factories would do if all of the factories left.

Conservatives-Bring up the natural unemployment rate

Christians-When they tell you about Jesus say, "that's so cute!"

Atheists-When they tell you they are an atheist say that they will grow out of it. (works for socialists too.)

It's worse if you do it to people when they're firmly attached to the dog by a leash or you throw the object somwhere the dog is bound to get dirty (or BOTH!) ;)

Me:
- Ask me what this € is... *grumble*


Err... is it a Euro sign? >.<

How to p_ss off:
a vegetarian:
Say you like to eat dead animals

the Dutch:
ask them if Holland is a part of Germany

Germans:
"You guys lost twice, didn't you?"

Americans:
"You-Ass-Ay? Never heard of it."

Everyone, except Nazi's:
"Hitler had a point there..."

Germans:

- Make fun of their cars
- Make fun of their soccer club (if you can run really fast, that is)
Bavarians:

- Ask them to speak German.

1: We invented them. You Americans can't make them better. :p
2: WE OWN THE MLS!
3: Pah. Everyone knows we speak the REAL German. :cool:

Germans:
"You guys lost twice, didn't you?"


No way, that won't work. That'll only get you involved in either an endless discussion about the details of the Barbarossa campaign or else pathetic apologies, followed by tragic family histories.

1: We invented them. You Americans can't make them better. :p
2: WE OWN THE MLS!
3: Pah. Everyone knows we speak the REAL German. :cool:

Worked already, didn't it? :p

Err... is it a Euro sign? >.<Yup. I actually got asked what it was in another thread, can you believe it?

Vegetarians:
-Refer to any meat put on your plate as "carcass" and complain that you need a "carcass" in order for it to be a real meal if there isn't any... :D

This topic sucks.

This topic sucks.

Are you annoyed?
:)

Men:

- When asked to describe a car, say "Oh, it's mauve/peach/terracotta/insert strange shade here".
- Take them shopping.

Women:

- Leave the toilet seat up. Always.

No way, that won't work. That'll only get you involved in either an endless discussion about the details of the Barbarossa campaign or else pathetic apologies, followed by tragic family histories.
Would you prefer details about the Frederick II or the Otto the Great battles/campaigns? I can, you know. Besides, Hitler was Austrian. Everyone knows they don't make good tacticians. :p

Would you prefer details about the Frederick II or the Otto the Great battles/campaigns? I can, you know. Besides, Hitler was Austrian. Everyone knows they don't make good tacticians. :p


*gggg*
Austrians: Everyone knows they don't make good tacticians. :D

Women:

- Leave the toilet seat up. Always.


-say PMS cant be that bad
-ask them to perform menial tasks
-tell them they're place is in the kitchen


Most people on the internet:
refuse to type normally,only type in leet
use caps all the time,or randomly
call them noobs if they appear to have a slow connection
or link this (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/annoying/) repeatedly

Zexaland's Mum
-Act like Zexaland's father.

Zexaland's Sister
-Act like Zexaland's father.

Zexaland's father
-Act like Zexaland's father.

NSer
-Bump up this topic whenever you can.

Women:
Get them almost to the point of orgasm, then stop.
Repeat as necessary. :D

Psychologists-
ask them if they can read your mind or if they are analyzing you right now

Women:
Get them almost to the point of orgasm, then stop.
Repeat as necessary. :D

Are YOU, by any chance, a woman yourself?

This topic sucks.

Then why bother posting on it?

Are YOU, by any chance, a woman yourself?

Hehe...you don't know Eutrusca very well, do you?:p

For the Irish:
-Call all Scotch swill and all who like morons
-Call the Irish unsophisticated drunkards
-Tell them that North Ireland is right.

Jews
-Say the Crusades shouldn't have left Europe.

Are YOU, by any chance, a woman yourself?
ROFLMFAO!!!! Um ... I wasn't the last time I checked. Shall I check again for you? :D

Hehe...you don't know Eutrusca very well, do you?:p
ROFLMAO!!! No shit! ROFL!

Non-smokers:

-Ask your non-smoking friends to go out on the balcony when you´re about to smoke.
-Stand in the middle of a subway-cart and smoke, forcing everyone else to move to get away from the smoke.

Misc:

-Add that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
-Use one dryer for every sock in the laundry room.
-Only wear clothes in flourescent red.
-Practice sounding like a fax or modem.
-Use a LOT of aftershave.
-Use flares on a birthdaycake.
-At a restaurant, don´t sit down at a table. Stand by the counter and eat all the mints.
-Finish all sentences with 'according to the prophecy'.
-Make an appointment september 31st.
-Ask the waitress for an extra seat for you invisible friend.
-Order bacon with your Filet Mignon
-Pay your lunchtab with quarters.
-Invite loads of people to someone else´s party.
-Ask telemarketers out to dinner.
-NEVER break eye-contact.
-Change the channel 5 minutes before each show ends.
-Wear a cape saying 'The Amazing'.
-Start all sentences with the phrase 'Oh la la!'.
-Start each meal with licking all your food. Tell people that it is because you don´t want anyone to take your food.

too funny...thank you so much,i really needed a good laugh..thanks :fluffle:

Republican Punks:
Point out that most of the music they like is directed at hating Bush
Remind them that real punks wouldn't support Christian right government
Tell them the truth: THAT THEY ARE POSERS!

Exstremist Demacrat 'punks'

ask them if the killers are pop rock or just poser over and over again

ask them if you become a demacrat you can wear the cool red american eagle polos with tight black jeans and vans

start long debates but before they get done with there point just say 'hey gusse what your wrong?'

ask 'hey after your canadate lost humiliatingly did you listen to greenday or system of the down?'

ask them why if they dont move to canada if they hate it here so much and then point out that if they moved there and played hockey they could have real black eyes

point out not real punk would whine about politics that much when they could be listening to good music or hanging out with there freinds
and when they try and argue ask hey do you listen to only politcal music or just crappy music in general? repeat as nessisary

to smokers in a restaurant: say: "god, the smoke is really bad in here, they should ban it!" reapeat until the person starts defending themselves then start to yawn and play with your glass until their finished. when you leave say the smoke is really bad once more... ok i have no idea if that will work but honestly DO NOT talk about hitler to the germans, they will beat you up...i know from personal experience :(

Women:
Get them almost to the point of orgasm, then stop.
Repeat as necessary. :D


See, eventually, we'd just take over and masturbate to orgasm. And it would be all intense-like because of you. So ha!

homosexuals:
ask them how many boys/girls they slept with.
Sony fanboys:
Talk about how all of their ideas were either done by Microsoft, Sega, or Nintendo in the past.
Remind them that the PS2 isn't durable at all.
When you have something good to say, make sure it's about the Xbox 360 or Revolution.
Nintendo fanboys:
Twist any and all information around to insult Nintendo and call them retards.
Americans:
Ask them why they approve of their president's program of terror and genocide. Ignore them while spewing out negative things about the US, true or not.
Tell them that their football is for wussies and that international football is a real man's sport.
female Liberals:
ask them how many abortians they had today.
Ask them how many times they got pregnent just just so they can get an abortian at the last second.
Ask them how their gay lover is doing.
Ask them how many babies they killed.
anti-war protestors:
ask them how many veterans they spat on.
ask them if they are against the war or just against Bush
anti-gay people:
cross dress. Make it obvious that you are.
person from South-Eastern United States:
Ask them how many blacks they lynched.
remind them that they lost the war.
Ask them if they know that the Confederacy lost the Civil War.
PETA member/vegatarian:
Ask them how many puppies PETA killed today.
Remind them that PETA kills most of the animals they "save" while the pound gets a higher percentage adopted.
Ask them how many bald eagles dies just to keep the bugs out of the plants they are eating.
Point out that they have sharp teeth for a reason.
Ask them how many squids died to get the ink for their pens.


I think the American ones might work considering how I am one. The gay one might work. Stereo-types and counter-examples anger people as much as lies.

to smokers in a restaurant: say: "god, the smoke is really bad in here, they should ban it!" reapeat until the person starts defending themselves then start to yawn and play with your glass until their finished. when you leave say the smoke is really bad once more... ok i have no idea if that will work but honestly DO NOT talk about hitler to the germans, they will beat you up...i know from personal experience :(
You got owned.

Asians
-Ask them if all asians really do have small penises (males)
-Ask when they will apologize to China

Anime fans
-Ask if they like anime, then tell them you love Pokémon or Yu-Gi-Oh too
-Tell them cartoons are for children
-Tell them you love cartoons too

Nintendo fans
-Tell them Playstation is better
-Tell them Xbox is better
-Ask them why Nintendo only has kiddy games
-Ask them if the Gameboy/Gamecube will play movies

Playstation fans
-Tell them Nintendo is better
-Tell them Xbox is better

Xbox fans
-Tell them Playstation is better
-Tell them Nintendo is better
-Ask why their console and controllers are so damn huge

Linux fans
-Ask them what Linux is, then look bored
-Tell them Microsoft pwns Linux (and yes, say "pwns")

Microsoft fans
-Ask why they havn't switched to Linux yet
-Ask them how their virus farming is going
-Ask them why they havn't switched to Mac yet
-Ask them why they arn't using Firefox (for IE users)

Mac fans
-Ask them why Macs are so damn confusing
-Ask them why you can't play *insert game* on a Mac
-Tell them Microsoft pwns Mac (and yes, say "pwns")

Women:
Get them almost to the point of orgasm, then stop.
Repeat as necessary. :D

Very wise, and it definately has backlash though.

WARNING!!!!!
DO NOT try this at home with a significant other. We are trained professionals.

Very wise, and it definately has backlash though.

WARNING!!!!!
DO NOT try this at home with a significant other. We are trained professionals.
Yeah, womens are dangerous.

Break dancers
-Repeatly turn the stero on and off while they are dancing.
-Say that break dancing is so 80's.

George W Bush
-Confuse him with his dad.
-Ask him if he plans to attack Iran next.
-Ask him about gay marriage then talk about Dick Cheney's daughter.
-Ask him where the Iraqi WMDs are. Laugh out loud when he responds, then say "No, seriously, where are they?"
-Vote democratic.
-Ask him if Clinton is to blame for his haircut.

Break dancers
-Repeatly turn the stero on and off while they are dancing.
-Say that break dancing is so 80's.

George W Bush
-Confuse him with his dad.
-Ask him if he plans to attack Iran next.
-Ask him about gay marriage then talk about Dick Cheney's daughter.
-Ask him where the Iraqi WMDs are. Laugh out loud when he responds, then say "No, seriously, where are they?"
-Vote democratic.
-Ask him if Clinton is to blame for his haircut.

You can't confuse GWB, he wouldn't get it anyways.

You can't confuse GWB, he wouldn't get it anyways.
That is why I didn't do any AOL user jokes

You can't confuse GWB, he wouldn't get it anyways.

I meant MISTAKE HIM FOR HIS DAD, or at least pretend to.

I meant MISTAKE HIM FOR HIS DAD, or at least pretend to.

He'd still be lost. I can't see it happening:

US: Didn't you used to be president?
GWB: Uhhh, yea, I used to be and I think I still am.
US: Yea, your Vice President was really stupid, what was his name? Dan Quayle?
GWB: Yea, he sure is stupid, he's probably hiding the nukular weapons right now. My mom says I'm a lot like him.
:(

Red Haired Girls
-Say "I'd rather be dead then red in the head."

A 13-Year-Old
-Sing 80's pop songs loud and off-key.

NSers
-Start a thread about the ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US thing.

Anyone
-Walk up to them and say "What's crackin' homey G dawg."

Anyone
-Walk up to them and say "What's crackin' homey G dawg."

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Women- Tell them to make you dinner

Men- Tell them that they are being trained. "Eg, raise toilet seat, take out trash, etc."

PETA members- Ask them to back up thier facts with other sources than peta-sponsered sites.

Southerners- Show up with your black friend and introduce him as your lover.. (Works best if you are male)

Gun nuts- Ask them if thier guns are a attempt to make up for a small penis

Anti- gun nuts- Tell them you have a collection of pistols/rifles
Talk at great lengths about guns.

(Only works on fundies...)
All religion- Ask them why they think thier religion is the only one, drag out as long as possible

Christians- Tell them you had extra-marital sex with your partner. Give vivid details.
Tell them you live with your mate out of wedlock.

Muslims- When in conversation, only say "Abullah bullah bullah! Jihad!"
At random times yell "DAH LA LA LA!!!"

Atheists- Tell them about any religion.

Anti-abortionists- Tell them you will have a abortion reguardless of thier opinion... Proceed with dead baby jokes

Jahova's witnesses- Show up at door naked.

Polish- Ask them if the germans won poland by marching in backward with the premice that they are leaving.

Cop- Ask them how many donuts they have eatten so far on that day.
Walk around sniffing the air and say that you smell bacon

FBI agent- Ask them about Ruby Ridge
Ask them about Waco

Pilots- (Works best if you are a non-pilot) Tell them they lack flight skills and that you are a superior pilot

Cat lovers and the Chinese- Tell them that there wasn't chicken in thier chicken chow-mein

Cat lover- Two words... Kitty target

A friend of mine has a cat named Mao- Call his cat a communist
Refer to the cat as "The chairman"

I'll think of more later

HAHAHAHAHAHA.
I had strange friends (well just that one).. bonus point if you change "crackin" to "crack-a-lackin."

Christians
-Tell them you are "High on Jesus" and that "The Cross is the bong of Jesus" right after that.

Again, same friend.

Hunter:
Ask how many unarmed and helpless animals he shot to compinsate for down there.
Ask him if his rifle's long barrel is to compensate for something a bit short...down there.

men(if you are one and the other man is your friend):
pretend to be his gay lover. hint at you two having a sex life.

PS2 fanboys:
talk about how much fun you are having with your Xbox/Gamecube
talk about the many times you had to get stitches because of exploding PS2's.
Talk about how you played RE4 before them.

PETA members and supporters:
Ask how many puppies they killed lately.
Talk about the time you killed a baby seal with a tooth pick and a metal pipe.
Ask how many bald eagles were killed by the pesticides on their salads.
Prove that animals are more likely to survive the pound(the kill ones, not non-kill) than PETA.

Union members:
Ask them if their union is corrupt lately.

hard-core evolutionists:
Ask why we had to come from monkies and not kitties or gorrillas.

forum posters:
create off-topic trolling topics about a subject done 5 times already and typ3 1!k3 teh 1337 n00biez.

Christians
-Tell them about the parts of the Bible that OK oral sex and three-somes (no, seriously there are parts of the Bible that say this is OK)


I think we'd have more converts if people knew about that.

Catholic Priest:
- Feign Catholicism during a mass, accept Holy Communion. As soon as you down the wine, jump up, rip off your shirt and yell "Martin Luther Lives!" then nail 95 theses to the doors of the Church. For added effect, make as many obscure references to the Reformation and Lutheran history as possible (mention Gustavus Adolphus, bring up how the printing press really helped make Bibles more available to laypeople, how the Renaissance ushered in a new era of thought, etc. etc. I've thought about doing this so, so many times)

Anyone:
- Speak only in the Royal We.
- Frequently digress from your conversation to narrate your own life.

I think we'd have more converts if people knew about that.

Catholic Priest:
- Feign Catholicism during a mass, accept Holy Communion. As soon as you down the wine, jump up, rip off your shirt and yell "Martin Luther Lives!" then nail 95 theses to the doors of the Church. For added effect, make as many obscure references to the Reformation and Lutheran history as possible (mention Gustavus Adolphus, bring up how the printing press really helped make Bibles more available to laypeople, how the Renaissance ushered in a new era of thought, etc. etc. I've thought about doing this so, so many times)
No one would get it past that point.

Bush supporters
-Start counter-counter protests
-Ask if their kids are in the war

freemasons:
prod them repeatly in the face with your index finger

huh?

http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/annoying/ - this is supposed to be annoying?

Women:
Get them almost to the point of orgasm, then stop.
Repeat as necessary. :D

Gah! You win the evilness prize. Evil evil evil.

I'll add:

For people who understand basic science:
- Claim that evolution is "just a theory."
- Ask, "If humans are descended from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?"

For any female who wears a size 6 or smaller:
- Repeatedly call her anorexic, regardless of the number of Big Macs you may have seen her eat.
- Inform her that she's not a "real woman." Glare at her as if her thinness is a personal insult to you.

For any female who wears over a size zero or so:
- Tell her her outfit makes her look "a little chunky."

For any female, period:
- Address all conversation directly to her nipples.

For most guys:
- Take them shoe shopping. Ask them for an opinion on each pair of shoes you try on. Demand details; do not accept anything resembling "they're okay, I guess."

For Republican males:
- Be Hillary Clinton.

For Republican males:
- Be Hillary Clinton.

LOL!

Bump.

Anyone
-Walk up to them and say "What's crackin' homey G dawg."
Works best if you´re white, preferably dressed like a hip-hoper, I guess?
Catholic Priest:
- Feign Catholicism during a mass, accept Holy Communion. As soon as you down the wine, jump up, rip off your shirt and yell "Martin Luther Lives!" then nail 95 theses to the doors of the Church. For added effect, make as many obscure references to the Reformation and Lutheran history as possible (mention Gustavus Adolphus, bring up how the printing press really helped make Bibles more available to laypeople, how the Renaissance ushered in a new era of thought, etc. etc. I've thought about doing this so, so many times)
If you´re swedish, you can also add that you think he´s the "best king EVA!!!1!"

More misc (alot).

-Ask your co-workers strange questions, write down their answers on a notepad. Mumble something about "psychological prophiles".
-Ask people what sex they are.
-Declare your flat an independent nation. Sue your neighbor on the floor above for violating your airspace.
-Play 'Wilhelm Tell' by drumming under your chin. When nearing the finish, stop, and say 'wait...that´s not right'. Repeat.-Forget the point of a really long story, but ensure the listener that it was 'hilarious'.
-Walk a few paces behind someone and spray desinfectionspray (?) on everything that person touches.
-Ask restaurantguests if you can have their parsley.
-Go to a poetrynight and ask why no poems rime.
-Hide dairyproducts in inaccessible places.
-Block mailboxes with your body.
-Pay for a newspaper with a $100-bill.
-Give children clothes for christmas.
-Speak while covering your mouth with your hand.
-Fire people by telephone.
-Wear jeans to a wedding.
-Ask people what they paid for their clothes.
-Don´t sign your checks.
-Put a leafpile in your nighbours garden
-Develop a bad memory.
-Remind people that their freckles can lead to cancer.
-Ask people how much they earn.
-Leave a consert (preferably from the front row) during a solo or before people start applauding.
-Leave the pricetag on presents.
-Blow the candles on other people´s birthday-cakes.
-Assume everyone agrees with you, but try to convince them anyway.
-Poke people in the ear on the bus.
-Poke paintings in museums.
-Threaten to sue. Constantly.
-Tell people they are in your will, even though they aren´t.
-When someone asks you the way, forget a turn or two.
-Tell people who have been fired that they probably should have worked harder.
-Speak in incomplete sentences, as if
-Investigate what makes a lifeguard get into the water.
-Tell jokes about terrorists on a plane across the Atlantic.
-Add "Doctor" or "Mayor" whenever you rent a room at a hotel.
-Don´t do anything until you´ve been asked twice.
-Tell people what you´ve got them for their birthday.
-When playing a game, win. By any means neccessary. Cheat if you have to. When someone confronts you, call them liars and throw things at them.
-Send dirty birthday cards to your mother-in-law.
-Make sure that everyone knows that you´re heading for the bathroom.
-Tell the judge in a kids footballgame (I refuse to call it the american word) to go f*** himself.
-If you do something good for once, make sure you tell everyone.
-Bribe kids, they´re cheap.
-Lie to your shrink, sit in their chair.
-Quote Hitler constantly. In german.
-Tell teens what it was like when you were young.
-Describe vividly what a surgical removal of a uterus looks like during dinner.
-Make fun of crying men to their faces.
-Make up statistics to win fights.
-Recommend bad mechanics.
-Vary the tone of your voice to make people think they´re growing deaf.
-Refuse to pay for calls from your family.
-Pretend to be a dog and smell people in the groin.
-Tell vegetarians, in the middle of a dinner, that it´s meat in the pie.
-Call your friends during their favourite shows and open your heart to them.
-Tell the truth about santa for your kids.
-Make your kids salute you whenever you enter a room.
-Have one long scream as the message on your answering machine.
-Be pro deathpenalty...in particular for double-parking.
-Take both sides.
-Repeat things one to many times.
-Repeat things one to many times.
-Repeat things one to many times.
-Ask your grandparents how much they´ll leave behind when they die.
-Tax your kids' piggy banks.
-Serve fish still with it´s head.
-Poke strangers.
-Feed the animals at zoo's. They are particularily fond of gum.
-Drive fast and as close to the sidewalk as possible.
-Say that it´s d-caf when it isn´t.
-Describe distances in miles instead of kilometres (or the other way around).
-Tell everyone 'You need help'.
-Flirt with your friends wife.
-Say "Are we there yet?" over and over and over...
-Take your friends out for dinner but 'forget' your wallet.
-Make fun of all accents.
-Brush dandruff rom other peoples shoulders.

-Tell the judge in a kids footballgame (I refuse to call it the american word) to go f*** himself.

It works for American football too

Teachers:
(if asked are you paying attention)-yes sir,but not to you
(if asked to share the joke with the class)-i'd love to
-climb out the window when told to get out of the class
-provide photographic evidence your dog ate your homework
(if given any form of order)-WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO?!

Tell the judge in a kids footballgame (I refuse to call it the american word) to go f*** himself.

Repeat Soccer to an foreigner who hates to hear it called by that name.
Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer. :)

Repeat Soccer to an foreigner who hates to hear it called by that name.
Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer Soccer. :)


IT'S FOOTBALL!!!! (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/footy/)

On a side note, I listened to this (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/annoying) for two hours straight... I´ll never get it out of my head...

Yankee:

-Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
-Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
-When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left."
-Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
-When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!"
-Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
-Refer to every soft drink as a Coke.
-Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
-Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
-Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie -- John Michael -- Jim Bob. . .)
-Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
-Address all males as "son" and females as "little lady".
-Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "pee-can."
-Put Tabasco on everything.
-For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!" say , "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
-When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . . banana ones.
-Name all of your children "Bubba".
-Use the word "reckon" in a sentence.
-"Mash" buttons. "Cut" off lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something.
-Never simply "do" something. Be "a fixin' to do" something.
-Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
-Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations..
-Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there.. ." "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when that fish used to be on the other side of town.."
-Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.
-Call 'em a yankee. Works every time.

Even MORE misc.

-Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper,99 copies.
-In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
-If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
-Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
-Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
-Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
-Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
-Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
-Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
-Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
-Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
-Staple papers in the middle of the page.
-Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking noise."
-Honk and wave to strangers.
-TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
-type only in lowercase.
-dont use any punctuation either
-Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
-Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
-As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
-While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
-Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
-Sing along at the opera.
-Tell you friends 4 days prior, that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

A geek:
Ask questions like; "So what kind of sports do you play?", "What's the name of that little pointy thingy agian?", etc.
Use their CD drive as a cup holder.
Unplug your coputer and ask them why it isn't working.
Ask them how to get to "that super information highway thingy"
Tell them you have a problem, and be as vaugue as possible.
When they're not looking, unplug their keyboard/mouse.
Call the monitor the computer and the computer "that big box thingy"

Avid Windows User:
Say you like Apple better.

Avid Apple User:
Say Windows is better
Constantly tell jokes abote taking a byte out of their Apple.

IT'S FOOTBALL!!!! (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/footy/)
It worked!!!!

Eastern Orthodoxs:
Ask if they have been blessed by the Catholic Church recently.

Women:
Get them almost to the point of orgasm, then stop.
Repeat as necessary. :DIt's funnier if you do it right after they say "don't stop"... :D
Makes 'em squeal in all sorts of pitches...

Skaters
-call them wood pushers
-call them curb squirrels
-call them a poser, in front of everybody
-say they suck, in front of everybody
-ask them if Dave Mirra is their idol
(runs for life)

Eastern Orthodoxs:
Ask if they have been blessed by the Catholic Church recently.
Asking them if they are saved yet should work as well.

Anyone
-Be a Jehovah's Witness
-Be a Mormon handing out copies of the Book of Mormon
-Tell them you wish they were more like *insert anyone*

A geek:
Ask questions like; "So what kind of sports do you play?", "What's the name of that little pointy thingy agian?", etc.
Use their CD drive as a cup holder.
Unplug your coputer and ask them why it isn't working.
Ask them how to get to "that super information highway thingy"
Tell them you have a problem, and be as vaugue as possible.
When they're not looking, unplug their keyboard/mouse.
Call the monitor the computer and the computer "that big box thingy"

Wow, I am offended. Nice work.

Arsonists
-Carry a fire extinguisher.

Arsonists
-Carry a fire extinguisher.I think that only whips them on...

Young People
Oooh haven't you grown?

I will kill the next person to say that.

Nintendo fanboys
Any reference to kiddy games

People who thing Gamecubes are for kids
Two Words-Resident Evil

Sony Fanboys
Oh yeah, Playstation, the one Nintendo would have made with Sony and you would have had some good games for. (OK, you had FFVII, ask me if I care, I have it on PC).

Microsoft fanboys
95. Nuff said.

The Christian Right
:fluffle:

Reasonable Christians (AKA the majority)
Ignore their existence and focus on Jerry Falwells mob.

Eutrusca
Any reference to centrism

Microsoft fanboys
95. Nuff said.

The Christian Right
:fluffle:

LOL!

Bump.

Bump.

.........Bump again.

Bump It Up!

Artists
-Look puzzled at their work, then ask if it's finished yet.

I will now do this to every artist I meet or encounter in any way.

How to annoy a Detroiter:

Tell them Chicago is better.

Tell them Chicago is tougher.

Use distances when giving directions instead of ETAs.

Remind them that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland--fecking cleveland yeah we are still pissed about that.

Pakistani
call them a Paki

Indian (from INdia)
call them a Paki

Irish
wear orange to their St Patricks Day parade

Pakistani


Irish
wear orange to their St Patricks Day parade
Fecker.

A British person
-Tell them the Germans should have dropped cookbooks on them

Undelia wins the thread.

A French person
- Attempt to speak French

For Homophobic male teenagers:
Do you like porn?
Yeah of course I do?
So do you just like girl on girl?
Naw I can get off to a man and a woman making love
So do you like little tiny dicks?
No I like the big honking... I did not know that about myself.. ;)

you stole that from ron white :mad:

Christians
-Tell them about the parts of the Bible that OK oral sex and three-somes (no, seriously there are parts of the Bible that say this is OK)
What verses?

What verses?

I'll post them soon.

I'll post them soon.

Check this site (sexinchrist.com) for them, they speak for me. :p

Bump.

Bump again.

Check this site (sexinchrist.com) for them, they speak for me. :p

I had a look at the sections on oral and anal sex. To say the least, the verses they quoted were out ot context. It looks like someone deliberately went through the Bible and made a note of every single passage whose English translation appeared suggestive in the context of our culture, then wrote an essay by stringing those passages together and adding a heaping helping of imagination.

The most obvious case of taking the Bible out of context was the passage quoted from John 4:10-16. They completely cut out the part where Jesus says, "Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst" (John 4:14). Reading the passage as if Jesus was talking about oral sex would then mean that he was saying everyone (men included) must have oral sex with him. It is obvious that the correct interpretation of the text is the traditional one: that Jesus is talking about salvation through his death and resurection, with his blood being the living water. The other passages only appear to be talking about anal and oral sex if you really, REALLY want them to. They can just as easily be read as a discription of real sex, a discription of human love, or even as a symbol of God's love for the church.

Now one thing that they did get right is that the Bible never directly forbids anal and oral sex. However, the idea that unmarried Christians ought to be engaging in such acts contradicts Jesus' command "that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already commited adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). It would be impossible for unmarried Christians to engage in oral and anal sex without breaking the law against lust. (On a side note it may be permissable for married Christians to have anal and oral sex, but I'm not entirely sure on that point, and, at any rate, the website's main message was that unmarried Christians should have anal and oral sex.)

Seeing as how the anal and oral parts of the website were so inaccurate, I didn't bother to look at the other parts of it. Someone else can if they like; I expect the other claims will be pretty easy to refute.

I had a look at the sections on oral and anal sex. To say the least, the verses they quoted were out ot context. It looks like someone deliberately went through the Bible and made a note of every single passage whose English translation appeared suggestive in the context of our culture, then wrote an essay by stringing those passages together and adding a heaping helping of imagination.

The most obvious case of taking the Bible out of context was the passage quoted from John 4:10-16. They completely cut out the part where Jesus says, "Whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst" (John 4:14). Reading the passage as if Jesus was talking about oral sex would then mean that he was saying everyone (men included) must have oral sex with him. It is obvious that the correct interpretation of the text is the traditional one: that Jesus is talking about salvation through his death and resurection, with his blood being the living water. The other passages only appear to be talking about anal and oral sex if you really, REALLY want them to. They can just as easily be read as a discription of real sex, a discription of human love, or even as a symbol of God's love for the church.

Now one thing that they did get right is that the Bible never directly forbids anal and oral sex. However, the idea that unmarried Christians ought to be engaging in such acts contradicts Jesus' command "that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already commited adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). It would be impossible for unmarried Christians to engage in oral and anal sex without breaking the law against lust. (On a side note it may be permissable for married Christians to have anal and oral sex, but I'm not entirely sure on that point, and, at any rate, the website's main message was that unmarried Christians should have anal and oral sex.)

Seeing as how the anal and oral parts of the website were so inaccurate, I didn't bother to look at the other parts of it. Someone else can if they like; I expect the other claims will be pretty easy to refute.

Ouch, owned.

to your husband/wife - tell them that their brother/sister is better in bed than they are.

Wow... the passages quoted on that website were more out of context than a Charlton Heston quote in a Michael Moore film.

By ressurecting dead threads?

By ressurecting dead threads?

By reporting the gravedig in Moderation. *runs off to tattle to the mods....um check to see if anyone has yet.:D *