NationStates Jolt Archive

Now, being possibly the worst Catholic ever. I kinda feared for my immortal soul, dispite neither believing in Heaven nor Hell. (Go figure). Anyway, I just discovered that under a Vatican II ruling The Church is not the only way Heaven. In fact any faith with sincerity will result in salvation! Sooo.... I'm founding my own religion THe Church of Meh!

It contain no actual doctriness, except a loose affiliation with those dancing hula girl dolls...

Yeah, but all the fun people are in hell. What do you want to go to heaven for?

Yeah, but all the fun people are in hell. What do you want to go to heaven for?
Mess with Jesus's shit...

Yeah, but all the fun people are in hell. What do you want to go to heaven for?
The schmoozing?

You could also just repent for your sins.

The schmoozing?
Mormons don't schmooze, and they're the only people up there. Them and Saddam Hussein. Don't you watch Southpark? :D

You could also just repent for your sins.
AHAHAHA! *breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! *breath* haha!

AHAHAHA! *breath* AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! *breath* haha!

It's easy. Just go to the church confessional and say "I have sinned," then tell the priest what you've done. BAM! Instant goodness.

You can't tell me what I can and can't do!

It's easy. Just go to the church confessional and say "I have sinned," then tell the priest what you've done. BAM! Instant goodness.
Hell, if you believe Dante, it doesn't even take that. In Purgatorio, he's got people who were total bastards simply making the sign of the cross as they die, and they get to escape hell. Sure, they have to spend some quality time climbing Mt. Purgatory, but eventually they get to heaven.

Again--why you'd want to be there, what with Saddam Hussein and all the Mormons is beyond me, but...

It's easy. Just go to the church confessional and say "I have sinned," then tell the priest what you've done. BAM! Instant goodness.

I doubt the priest wants to hear some of what i've done.

Glad I'm not Catholic. I'd need a portable-confession booth and a house right next to the static confession booth.

Ach, that confession stuff isn't actually required by christian doctrine. Jesus never once said you have to tell father whats his face how u slid his ham sandwich between ur buttcheeks and then watched him eat it later. Also, christian doctrine, well Protestant doctrine i should say, according to the bible, that "u shall call no MAN your father but me.", which kind of contradicts with catholic dogma, calling the priests "father" and such.

It's easy. Just go to the church confessional and say "I have sinned," then tell the priest what you've done. BAM! Instant goodness.
Or I could sincerely do nothing....

Nothing...............Something

*does that weighing with hands thing*

Ach, that confession stuff isn't actually required by christian doctrine. Jesus never once said you have to tell father whats his face how u slid his ham sandwich between ur buttcheeks and then watched him eat it later. Also, christian doctrine, well Protestant doctrine i should say, according to the bible, that "u shall call no MAN your father but me.", which kind of contradicts with catholic dogma, calling the priests "father" and such.

Whoa, so everyone who calls their...um...male parent.. "father" or "dad" is technically a sinner?

Gotta love screwed up biblical interpretations. I'm going to start my own form of fundamentalism.

You can't tell me what I can and can't do!
Sure I can

Whoa, so everyone who calls their...um...male parent.. "father" or "dad" is technically a sinner?

Gotta love screwed up biblical interpretations. I'm going to start my own form of fundamentalism.Could you try fundamentalist Unitarianism? What would that look like?

How about fundamentalist Amish?

Could you try fundamentalist Unitarianism? What would that look like?

How about fundamentalist Amish?

I was thinking "fundamentalist born-again baptist fundamentalism". Be afraid- fundie-fundies! :D

Ach, that confession stuff isn't actually required by christian doctrine. Jesus never once said you have to tell father whats his face how u slid his ham sandwich between ur buttcheeks and then watched him eat it later. Also, christian doctrine, well Protestant doctrine i should say, according to the bible, that "u shall call no MAN your father but me.", which kind of contradicts with catholic dogma, calling the priests "father" and such.
It's actually call no man Rabbhi... Besides Dogma trumps the Bible

Could you try fundamentalist Unitarianism? What would that look like?

How about fundamentalist Amish?

I've gotten a chain email about fundamentalist Unitarianism. I can't find it right now, but it was really funny.

Could you try fundamentalist Unitarianism? What would that look like?

How about fundamentalist Amish?
You could build a Fundamental-o-bot!

I can't stop you...but Peter can!

However I do have a number of indulgences for sale

You could build a Fundamental-o-bot!
No! Robots are sinful, as they are created in mans image! Giving a human construct intelligence is evil! You're going to hell! *chases with bible*

"Friday was the crucifixtion, Saturday, cremation under glass.
The Ressurection was on Sunday, no correction make it Monday...cuase Monday's when they come to take the trash."
-Firewater.

I can't stop you...but Peter can!

However I do have a number of indulgences for sale
Peter? Ha! That pussy couldn't even own up to knowing Jesus. Like to see him try and stop me!

Pizza hut...or heaven it's all good.

Stick with Catholicism. It's the best deal in town. You can gun down a busload of schoolchildren and then rape a dozen nuns. But one perfect act of contrition and boom baby heavensville. Nobody else comes close.

I doubt the priest wants to hear some of what i've done.

"Father, forgive me, for I have done many bad things."
"Well so have I!"

Heaven is real and so is hell that breaks the catholic bible and thats a sin if you say you dont believe in Heaven or Hell

Stick with Catholicism. It's the best deal in town. You can gun down a busload of schoolchildren and then rape a dozen nuns. But one perfect act of contrition and boom baby heavensville. Nobody else comes close.
Naw--Judaism has a better deal. Once a year, you get the Day of Atonement, and it takes care of everything. As Jon Stewart said, "Even in sin, Christians paying retail." Although some Protestant faiths do entertain the "once saved, always saved" philosophy, which is a pay-once, lifetime-service kind of deal, which is also pretty good.

I'm Going To Heaven And YOU Can't Stop Me!
Snapshot of Rotovia's journey:

Am I there yet?
Am I there yet?
Am I there yet?
Am I there yet?

Damn. There's no-one to tell me to shut up.

Am I there yet?

With that whole confession thing...what does one do if, hypothetically speaking of course, one sins so much that one cannot remember most of them, and for many of those I do remember, I'm not at all sorry for?

Besides Dogma trumps the Bible
I really hope you were kidding.... :rolleyes:

Naw--Judaism has a better deal. Once a year, you get the Day of Atonement, and it takes care of everything. As Jon Stewart said, "Even in sin, Christians paying retail." Although some Protestant faiths do entertain the "once saved, always saved" philosophy, which is a pay-once, lifetime-service kind of deal, which is also pretty good.

what if you die the day before Atonement?

Now, being possibly the worst Catholic ever. I kinda feared for my immortal soul, dispite neither believing in Heaven nor Hell. (Go figure). Anyway, I just discovered that under a Vatican II ruling The Church is not the only way Heaven. In fact any faith with sincerity will result in salvation! Sooo.... I'm founding my own religion THe Church of Meh!

It contain no actual doctriness, except a loose affiliation with those dancing hula girl dolls...


who hasnt decided to found their own religion.in mine there is no hell and everyone gets their own personall heaven when they die,well more their own personall section of heaven,with whatever they want there.and you can go visit other people's heavens.

oh ya,and since theres no hell theres no sins

Sooo.... I'm founding my own religion THe Church of Meh!Carnivorous Lickers is going to hate you... :p

I really hope you were kidding.... :rolleyes:LOL! Guess what I'm watching on German television right now... :D

I'm Going To Heaven And YOU Can't Stop Me!
Oh no you don't! *grabs Rotovia's ankles* :D

Now, being possibly the worst Catholic ever.
In my opinion, Hitler was a pretty bad Christian. A few porn sites wont put you up for teh ranks of the worst. Mass genocide mite however...

I'm going to St. Louis and you can't stop me.

"Father, forgive me, for I have done many bad things."
"Well so have I!"

:eek:

I really don't want to know...

Heaven is real and so is hell that breaks the catholic bible and thats a sin if you say you dont believe in Heaven or Hell
"The Catholic Bible"? We prefer to call it "THE Bible" numbnuts. But thanks for confirming what I clearly stated in my first post. I'M A BAD CATHOLIC. But yet I'm still going to Heaven, why? Because YOOOOOOOOOOOOU can't stop me!

Mu Haw Haw! :fluffle: *




*The fluffle is the evilist emoticon we have...

With that whole confession thing...what does one do if, hypothetically speaking of course, one sins so much that one cannot remember most of them, and for many of those I do remember, I'm not at all sorry for?
The Catechism requires you "...make a full and honest confession...to the best your knowledge..."

I really hope you were kidding.... :rolleyes:
Oddly enough, Doctrine says it does... But yes, I am kidding

:eek:

I really don't want to know...


It's Eddie Izzard :) The single best stand up comedian I've seen in probably two decades.

He's talking about the Anglo-Saxon church in England, started by Henry the 8th, that lacks a few principals.

Catholics have to deal with original sin:
'Forgive me father, for I have slept with my nextdoor neighbors wife'
'eehhh Heard it! I want an original sin!'
'Oh! I'm terribly sorry'
*next guy*
'Forgive me father, I I I poked a badger with a spoon!'
'I've never heard of that one before... say five Hail Marys and three Hello Dollys'

The English church doesn't work that way
'Forgive me father, for I have sinned!'
'Well, so have I!'
'What should I do?'
'Drink five bloody marys and you won't remember!'

It's a great sketch, and the tea-and-cake or DEATH sequence shortly afterwards had me literally crying I was laughing so hard the first half dozen times I saw it.

It's Eddie Izzard :) The single best stand up comedian I've seen in probably two decades.

It's a great sketch, and the tea-and-cake or DEATH sequence shortly afterwards had me literally crying I was laughing so hard the first half dozen times I saw it.


You there!!'

Cake or Death?!

Now, being possibly the worst Catholic ever. I kinda feared for my immortal soul, dispite neither believing in Heaven nor Hell. (Go figure). Anyway, I just discovered that under a Vatican II ruling The Church is not the only way Heaven. In fact any faith with sincerity will result in salvation! Sooo.... I'm founding my own religion THe Church of Meh!

It contain no actual doctriness, except a loose affiliation with those dancing hula girl dolls...

I hope you're kidding, because if you're not your understanding of Catholic theology leaves something to be desired...

It's a great sketch, and the tea-and-cake or DEATH sequence shortly afterwards had me literally crying I was laughing so hard the first half dozen times I saw it.

Hmm...I must check it out. :)

I hope you're kidding, because if you're not your understanding of Catholic theology leaves something to be desired...
So do I...

Yeah, but all the fun people are in hell. What do you want to go to heaven for?

To punch the first mormon I see there in the face.

Oddly enough, Doctrine says it does... But yes, I am kidding


You? Kidding? Never!

Now, being possibly the worst Catholic ever. I kinda feared for my immortal soul, dispite neither believing in Heaven nor Hell. (Go figure). Anyway, I just discovered that under a Vatican II ruling The Church is not the only way Heaven. In fact any faith with sincerity will result in salvation! Sooo.... I'm founding my own religion THe Church of Meh!

It contain no actual doctriness, except a loose affiliation with those dancing hula girl dolls...

The only problem with this is that all religion is false as the notion of a higher being is antiquated and unlikely, therefore you are simply adding to the perpetuation of ignorance by establishing your own church.

The only problem with this is that all religion is false as the notion of a higher being is antiquated and unlikely, therefore you are simply adding to the perpetuation of ignorance by establishing your own church.
Lies make Baby Jesus cry... :(

The only problem with this is that all religion is false as the notion of a higher being is antiquated and unlikely, therefore you are simply adding to the perpetuation of ignorance by establishing your own church.

Meh. Falsify religion.

You? Kidding? Never!
I know. Whodda thunk it?

You can't tell me what I can and can't do!


I can too.

Obviously it won't necessarily affect your actions

but it don't mean to say I can't tell you.


What I really like is when you're talking to someone so determined
to not be told what to do that if you tell them to do something
they do the opposite just to prove that you can't tell them what to do.

I once told god not to get abraham to sacrifice his son.
You should have seen his face when I caught him chickening out at the
last minute, it was a picture.