NationStates Jolt Archive

I know ther are a lot of sex threads out there now, but I want to poll NS opinion and have friendly discussion on the specific topic of premarital sex. Follow the idea of the poll in discussions.

I think those who say pre-marital sex is wrong are the virgins and the married, also all thoose fanatical religious types, who forget the symbolic representation (and mostly interchangable) of terms like love, marriage, and sex.

Damn, I clicked the wrong option. My vote is for those who are very religious.

Damn, I clicked the wrong option. My vote is for those who are very religious.

I'm certain that's a factor, but I actually voted for those who have had premarital sex. I think, after a while, that many people realize that premarital sex has cheapened the sexual experience for them, especially if they get married later.

I'm certain that's a factor, but I actually voted for those who have had premarital sex. I think, after a while, that many people realize that premarital sex has cheapened the sexual experience for them, especially if they get married later.
Rubbish.

Rubbish.

how about some detail to that

i think that its mostly the very religious and those who are too young to have a mature sexual relationship who are against pre-marital sex.

I'm certain that's a factor, but I actually voted for those who have had premarital sex. I think, after a while, that many people realize that premarital sex has cheapened the sexual experience for them, especially if they get married later.

You may refrain from answering my following question if you wish, but which of the above catagories do you fit into? Just curious.

I don't believe in test driving cars, either!

I don't believe in test driving cars, either!
Do you kick the tires?

how about some detail to that
Seriously, if you think that having sex before what is effectively a legal contract, you're either very religious or delusional. I can understand people wanting to wait for the "right person" or "right moment", but I don't seriously believe anyone would regret having sex before marriage, even if they ended up getting married to someone else. If that were the case, there'd be a shitload of people (as in, at least 90%) regretting their past sex lives. I don't buy it.

damn it, i read the question wrong

I don't believe in test driving cars, either!

Did you know that trouble in the bedroom is the second highest cause for divorce though?

Gotta make sure you can do it right!

I thhought that the only people against pre-marital sex were M.A.E (mothers Against Everything) and Monks.

I happen to know a lot of vicars who agree with me

damn it, i read the question wrong

That's alright, I still like I still like oranges.

*I've been wanting to say that for awhile*

I am going to make this personal, because well it illustrates my point. I went to Catholic school and was a virgin and belived in waiting. Then when I was 15 well let's just say I literally 'lost' my virginity. Now I'm 21 and I don't regret any of my crazy sex life. True as a female it was not fun at first, but now heck I don't know how I'd get along without my sexual part of life. It does include some relationships.

P.S. I did start questioning my religion at 12 tho and refused to be confirmed. Now I am an aetheist.

I also believe a lot of religious fanatics as having been one in the past. seem to think people loose their virginities before marriage simply out of curiousity which is absurd or peer pressure. They seem to make assumptions about people who are sexually active before marriage. stop guessing we did it for our personal reasons which is none of your business. Sorry if that sounds like a rant...

Did you know that trouble in the bedroom is the second highest cause for divorce though?

Gotta make sure you can do it right!
Unfortunately, "doing it right" is no guarantee there won't be "trouble in the bedroom."

Unfortunately, "doing it right" is no guarantee there won't be "trouble in the bedroom."

Well, gotta see if there's trouble before we're in a situation that could produce divorce! :D ;)

So do u guys believe in "retraining" a person with trouble if you're consdiring marrying them. Or is it like listen honey um you suck (or maybe u don't and thats the problem) so it's over.

So do u guys believe in "retraining" a person with trouble if you're consdiring marrying them. Or is it like listen honey um you suck (or maybe u don't and thats the problem) so it's over.

There's a good idea, practice makes perfect!!!!!!!


I knew my little league coach was smarter than he appeared!

So do u guys believe in "retraining" a person with trouble if you're consdiring marrying them. Or is it like listen honey um you suck (or maybe u don't and thats the problem) so it's over.
Some women are trainable, some aren't. ( shrug )

Some women are trainable, some aren't. ( shrug )

That reminds me of a Blink-182 song

"I need a girl that I can train"

That reminds me of a Blink-182 song

"I need a girl that I can train"
LOL! Who the hell doesn't??? ROFLMAO!

LOL! Who the hell doesn't??? ROFLMAO!

I can't say much, my woman has me whipped beyond belief. Then again, she didn't need any training. Damn good right off the bat!!

I can't say much, my woman has me whipped beyond belief. Then again, she didn't need any training. Damn good right off the bat!!
Lucky bastard! LOL!

Some women are trainable, some aren't. ( shrug )

I guess I just find it hard to believe that people would just get divorced rather than work on stuff.

I guess I just find it hard to believe that people would just get divorced rather than work on stuff.

Honestly though, I agree. There are many artificial substitutes which feels almost as good as the real thing. Hell, God gave us two natural 'fix-r-uppers'

I guess I just find it hard to believe that people would just get divorced rather than work on stuff.
Well, all I can speak from is my own experience. My ex was doing great at getting in touch with her own sensuality right up to the point where her own sexuality frightened her. She backed off, turned to fundamentalism as an escape, and cut me off entirely. I held out for three years, then decided that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life like that. Sad, but true.

Well, all I can speak from is my own experience. My ex was doing great at getting in touch with her own sensuality right up to the point where her own sexuality frightened her. She backed off, turned to fundamentalism as an escape, and cut me off entirely. I held out for three years, then decided that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life like that. Sad, but true.
I sure as hell know about that one. I had pretty much the same exact experience. She flipped and was like, "I don't think we should be doing this" and all that. Second time was a charm though ;)

It's not pre-marital sex if you don't intend to marry her.

Well, all I can speak from is my own experience. My ex was doing great at getting in touch with her own sensuality right up to the point where her own sexuality frightened her. She backed off, turned to fundamentalism as an escape, and cut me off entirely. I held out for three years, then decided that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life like that. Sad, but true.

Well I didn't mean that. A few posts up someone mentioned the whole doing it right thing. Thats what I mean. Not having sex at all and infedility are two totally different situations. and sorry by the way thats awful

good point. Its promiscuous behavior--short term multiple partners-- that cheapens the special uniqueness of the act between two adults

pre-marital sex is sex before you are married, even if the person you went to bed with isn't going to be your spouse. it's sex before you're married.

Personally, I don't need to "testdrive" my future wife's sexdrive before I marry. It's more about the love, not the sex. Why marry someone just so you can hump your spouse. Plus, with std's and aids, it might be better to wait a while living with that person so you can have a better idea about his/her condition. Why kill yourself?

Virgin and proud of it.

That's alright, I still like I still like oranges.

*I've been wanting to say that for awhile*

really?
wow, i'm known by a person, yay

So do u guys believe in "retraining" a person with trouble if you're consdiring marrying them. Or is it like listen honey um you suck (or maybe u don't and thats the problem) so it's over.
some men are trainable, some aren't. *shrug*

pre-marital sex is sex before you are married, even if the person you went to bed with isn't going to be your spouse. it's sex before you're married.

Personally, I don't need to "testdrive" my future wife's sexdrive before I marry. It's more about the love, not the sex. Why marry someone just so you can hump your spouse. Plus, with std's and aids, it might be better to wait a while living with that person so you can have a better idea about his/her condition. Why kill yourself?

Virgin and proud of it.
well, quite honestly, because a woman who has no trouble resisting sex before marriage (with you) may have no problem with resisting it AFTER marriage also.

yeah its about love, but really bad sex can ruin any marriage.

Personally, I don't need to "testdrive" my future wife's sexdrive before I marry. It's more about the love, not the sex. Why marry someone just so you can hump your spouse.

Actually, it's always seemed to be the "sex is only for marriage" people who seem to think marriage revolves around sex, that the reason you get married is so you can have sex. They seem to act like being ready for sex and being ready for marriage should be equal points in a relationship and sex is what defines the relationship rather than the relationship defining the sex.

Plus, with std's and aids, it might be better to wait a while living with that person so you can have a better idea about his/her condition. Why kill yourself?

If you can't be open about STIs and trust the other person to tell you the truth about their sexual health then no, you shouldn't be having sex with them. If you can't be responsible enough to have safe sex then no, you shouldn't be having sex. However, you don't need to live with someone or be married to someone for either of those things.

some men are trainable, some aren't. *shrug*

so I guess it's the same with both genders. I wonder though whose easier to train the virgin who didn't know anything and you can teach? Or the experienced person who is more likely to be more comfortable with their sexuality. Guess it depends on the willingness to learn ayh? Although I admit I've slept with people who just seem hopeless

Who is most likely to be against Pre-Marrital Sex?

Ugly people.

so I guess it's the same with both genders. I wonder though whose easier to train the virgin who didn't know anything and you can teach? Or the experienced person who is more likely to be more comfortable with their sexuality. Guess it depends on the willingness to learn ayh? Although I admit I've slept with people who just seem hopeless
well one can be lucky and find a man who needs no training! even the best, most wonderful lover was once a virgin. so it must depend on the man and the relationship.

Ugly people.
i beg to differ! being dynamite in bed is the ugly person's one chance to convince a parnter that he is worth marrying.

its the frigid person who wishes to wait. the less sex the better for them!

yeah its about love, but really bad sex can ruin any marriage.


And a really bad marriage can ruin any sex too...

You may refrain from answering my following question if you wish, but which of the above catagories do you fit into? Just curious.

One who has had premarital and extramarital sex, and has regretted it.

1 and/or 4

You may refrain from answering my following question if you wish, but which of the above catagories do you fit into? Just curious.


1

People who dislike STDs and people who don't take risks.

I have never met a secular person who, having had sex, was against premarital sex. However, I have met a couple of people who were against premarital sex, and upon having a sexual experience changed their minds. I've also met many, many religious folks trying to convince me it's wrong. Religious virgins are the worst. So I voted 2 and 4.

The only one I can say for sure that would be against pre-marital sex, are those who are religious.

There are people who consistently have casual sex, and have currently found no reprecussions to themselves personally, so I can't for certain that that group of people is against it.

I can't say Virgins, because there are some people who others find sexually inappealing, so they could be virgins because society said so, not because they did.

I can't say Married people, because whose to say that the two people in the marital bond didn't sleep around a lot before marriage. Or had sexual partners before meeting the, "one".

However, I definently can say religious people, or at least most religious people would be against Pre-Marital sex. Because most religions preach celebacy.

Personally I voted Religious and Virgins ....

However there should have been other. I think it really comes down to personal choice. Someone who does not fall under any of the Poll options may want to wait untill they are married to the person they love (ok Idealism maybe?). In a way I guess there is an excitement waiting untill your wedding night to go all the way!

I wouldn't personally agree that no sex before being married is necessary a good thing (areas such as experiance and so on) however as the years have gone by and I've got wiser (lol) I can see a lot of sense in waiting to make love with someone you love and care about on the inside and out. Although one should never spend time regretting, everything that happens makes us, us! I def. do!

Question Do you think it's more females than males that would wait, or the otherway round? Or equal?

People who dislike STDs and people who don't take risks.

Actually if you're married you're more likely to get STDs because you're less likely to be using protection and more likely to be cheated on.

Actually if you're married you're more likely to get STDs because you're less likely to be using protection and more likely to be cheated on.

Not like condoms did much but provide false confidence. Also, STDs aren't the only effect of sex.

I thhought that the only people against pre-marital sex were M.A.E (mothers Against Everything) and Monks.

I happen to know a lot of vicars who agree with me

There are exceptions to every rule.

JMayo

7 - Just from personal encounters, but I would think females are more likely to want to wait until marriage. I think in general, females want to wait more too; a lot of guys are just way too hormone driven, where as women don't reach their sexual peak until they're like 30 so they are focused more on the ideals of love and closeness during their teens when the waiting or not waiting usually happens.

One who has had premarital and extramarital sex, and has regretted it.
do you really regret the premarital? extramarital is a very bad idea and almost anyone should regret it. but premarital, unless you are promiscuous, is a whole different story.

Not like condoms did much but provide false confidence. Also, STDs aren't the only effect of sex.

98% is false confidence?

7 - Just from personal encounters, but I would think females are more likely to want to wait until marriage. I think in general, females want to wait more too; a lot of guys are just way too hormone driven, where as women don't reach their sexual peak until they're like 30 so they are focused more on the ideals of love and closeness during their teens when the waiting or not waiting usually happens.
but ive met quite a few women who regretted having waited until marriage. mostly because it made them enter into marriage sooner than they otherwise would have due to lust. its hard to wait out the 2.5 years that it should reasonably take to know a man well enough to know you should marry him. so they married sooner so they COULD have sex with the man they loved.

Question Do you think it's more females than males that would wait, or the otherway round? Or equal?

Unfortunately I think it's more females who want to wait. But I think we should change that. Ideally it would be equal and those who wait find each other and those who didn't could do the same.

As a female who has had premarital sex, I don't think I could ever marry a male virgin. Not purely for that reason it'd mean we'd most likely disagree about other things, but based on that I would feel guilty

98% is false confidence?

98% what?

do you really regret the premarital? extramarital is a very bad idea and almost anyone should regret it. but premarital, unless you are promiscuous, is a whole different story.

Yes, I regret it. After all, I didn't marry any of those women and sex is a deep emotional attachment, too deep if the relationship isn't going to be permanent. I realize that to most guys it's a game: try to have sex with as many women as you can, but I've always been the type who couldn't get close to a woman without falling in love with her, and when that love ends, it's devastating.

Originally Posted by Zatarack
People who dislike STDs and people who don't take risks.
Actually if you're married you're more likely to get STDs because you're less likely to be using protection and more likely to be cheated on.
I find it very funny that STDs always pop up as a reason not to have pre-marrital sex. I wonder where that springs from. Because in Europe at least, the statistical chances of contracting STDs if enganging in non-risk pre- or extra-marrital sex (use of condoms, partners not drug users or unlicensed prostitutes) is exceedingly small, in fact so small as to be negligible. As Vegas pointed out, statistically the chances are even slightly bigger to contract STDs from your partner in a long-term relationship. Having said that, they are, again, practically non existent. It is not having sex that gets you STDs, but having unprotected sex with a high-risk partner (i.e. anyone of whom you don't know the full sexual history ;) )

If you don't believe in pre-marrital sex because of your faith then say so, because in my book that is perfectly ok. But don't hide behind reasons that don't stand up to scrutiny.

Anouther question! So do you think, on the female side, that it's a psycological reason, idealism of the perfect relationship or the fact that it can actually hurt a woman to have sex for the first time?

On the whole, pre marital sex is better that post marital sex :sniper:

On the whole, pre marital sex is better that post marital sex :sniper:
A lot of people would disagree - I for one! I had great pre-marital sex with several partners and have great marital sex now. But then, I love my wife and think she's hot. Also, we had great sex before we got married so when we got wed not much changed (and why should it?).

4.

I wonder how many Jews, Muslims, gays, and non-Catholic Christians were murdered by the Catholic Church.

Religious fanatics. My parent's were practicing Christians, and they had pre-marital sex. They didn't see anything wrong with it. No one got hurt, ti was fun, etc. So why not? Unless you like being a slave to an oppressive religious government, do what you want.