NationStates Jolt Archive


Serapindal's Guide to the Different Types of Capitalism.

Serapindal
19-08-2005, 00:33
Canadian Capitalism-You sit around complaining about America, while using American tools, clothes, water, electricity, organ transplants, oil, gas, couches, ovens, desks, and probably sperm. You also purposely injure yourself, because medicare is free! So you sit around all day calling Americans Hosers, while wearing American Pantyhosers. However, it cuts of circulation, and you die of Aphyxiation.

Chinese Capitalism- You're very capitalist, but you hide it, with underwear in the shape of a yellow star. Wonder why it's yellow, hmmmmmmmm. You also work all day to sell stuff to Americans, which helps American Capitalism. If you try to add Communism to China (damn pinkos), the Chinese Government will gladly play Chicken with you in Tianemen Square...except they get a tank and you don't. (look below)

American Capitalism- You try to injure yourself in the stupidest possible way, sometimes with Chinese goods, so you can sue the manufacturer, and make hundreds of millions of dollars. However, you spend it all on McDonalds, and you die of Obesity.

Australian Capitalism- Almost nonexistant, because you can stand to be withing 500 meters of your neighbor, even to trade. Because you got too close, at 499 meters, your neighbors send a boxing kangaroo to kill you.

Japanese Capitalism- You will spend years learning how to respect your elders, which sucks when they steal money from you. You become an expensive business man, but you are lynched when you go to KKKalifornia on a Business Trip, by Teens trying to steal your money. That, and they got sick when you said Excuse me for the 619617th time.

African Capitalism- You die of Hunger, Famine, Drought, Food Poisioning, Aids, Shiggelosis, Malnutrition, Genocide, and lots of other stuff. Almost non-exitant, because you die almost everytime you get close to a market of some obscure disease.

French Capitalism- You surrender. That's about it. Like everything else in France.

Mexican Capitalism- Mexican Capitalism involves two people betting on who gets to the border first, when everyone in Mexico does their daily dash for the border.
Whoever gets to the border first also gets a reward, of a green card. However, it's actually a piece of moldy paper, but they don't know that. Also, when everyone is making a mad dash for the border, you go to trade at a market, but as soon as you get there, everyone is dashing for the border. You steal their stuff when they're gone, and laugh at them.

Anarctican Capitalism- You sit around with the other Penguins, planning world domination. Muahaha.

Tune in next time, for Serapindal's Guide to the different types of Communism.