NationStates Jolt Archive

Dear Ms. Architect:
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion. My house should have somewhere between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year.

Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: Get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be completed within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has. I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house that he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often.

Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.

JSPR :p
This is hilarious! :D

WAAAAHHHH....

If you are a website creator, then that's what you're up against. Big deal. No one made you be that. If you don't like it, become an architect.

The fact people are coming to you means they don't know enough about it to do it themselves. That means they will likely ask stupid questions and not be able to give you a blueprint.

That's what you get paid the big bucks for.

WAAAAHHHH....

If you are a website creator, then that's what you're up against. Big deal. No one made you be that. If you don't like it, become an architect.

The fact people are coming to you means they don't know enough about it to do it themselves. That means they will likely ask stupid questions and not be able to give you a blueprint.

That's what you get paid the big bucks for.
Correct. It's part of your job to help your client. Why on earth they should know anything about coding/design?

Wow. that DOES sound exactly like the conversation i had with my architect.

THere are dozens, if not hundreds of ways to put an addition on my house. I would have drawn a picture of it myself, but there were just too many variables.

That's why i got an architect!

That would be strange. Blank slates though can be good. Hopefully it'll result in something good being built in the former stevedoring site on Darling Harbour here in Sydney.

I wish my house had bedrooms that could be easily added or deleted...
I could lock people in them ^_^

Interesting letter...

I believe the point is that people should have at least some idea of what they want.

That whole letter basically said, "We don't know what we want so do everything, we'll pick the best ones, and make you fix those to our satisfaction. We're giving you free reign, as long as what you want to do, is exactly how we want it, even though we don't know what we want."

I believe the point is that people should have at least some idea of what they want.

That whole letter basically said, "We don't know what we want so do everything, we'll pick the best ones, and make you fix those to our satisfaction. We're giving you free reign, as long as what you want to do, is exactly how we want it, even though we don't know what we want."
True. The joke is just getting too old. I know customers can be a pain in the arse but then again, they can be pain in the arse in every business.

Ture, jobs would be easy if it weren't for the...patrons, as I am forced to call them here at the library.

Anywhere else, I'd call them annoying little brats who pull books off shelves and randomly stick them wherever.

Or annoying losers who have nothing better to do than hang out in the library and pull books off shelves to pretend like they are reading.

lmao brilliant :p

web design blows indeed :headbang:

I love it. It's so true and I definitely sympathize with this kind of experience. Clients especially in small businesses need the most help with their websites....they just don't know what they want, at all.

This cracked me up! I've been a professional designer for over 5 years, and this totally reminded me of my first two years in the business.

TIP: To avoid this kind of nightmare, position yourself as a hard-to-get commodity, instead of another bidding designer.

I make a far better living now (with far fewer aggravations) playing hard to get (waiting list, etc.) than I ever did as the crowd pleaser. ;)

This is so damn true!

Another thing that happens is they will tell you exactly their vision , and then with you produce it they want the entire thing reworked into something that is nearly nothing like they first escribed. Then you do all the reworking and they wonder why it's costing more than you said it would in the first place.

Templates are best, or tell someone to find a site they like that they want emulated to some degree.

This is so damn true!

Another thing that happens is they will tell you exactly their vision , and then with you produce it they want the entire thing reworked into something that is nearly nothing like they first escribed. Then you do all the reworking and they wonder why it's costing more than you said it would in the first place.
That's tricky one. Some small firms don't realise (when starting the business) that they have to write down every little detail. That every change will cost extra and that the customer HAS to give the material in time or the deal won't hold anymore. They might give it to you two weeks too late and still assume that the work will be done in time.

That's what you get paid the big bucks for.
That's a big fat myth. People always want something for nothing, they want it yesterday, and are completely unreasonable in their expectations. And more than half of them have to be harangued for months to pay their invoices - and if and when they do, they make it out like they're doing you a favour.

Clients suck. Bigtime.

I just spent the last three months chasing after $600 I was owed for a quick bit of work I did for an ad firm. I've come to realize 'opportunity' is a code-word for 'getting fucked over again'.

Big bucks indeed.

That's a big fat myth. People always want something for nothing, they want it yesterday, and are completely unreasonable in their expectations. And more than half of them have to be harangued for months to pay their invoices - and if and when they do, they make it out like they're doing you a favour.

Clients suck. Bigtime.

I just spent the last three months chasing after $600 I was owed for a quick bit of work I did for an ad firm. I've come to realize 'opportunity' is a code-word for 'getting fucked over again'.

Big bucks indeed.
Dobbs, that's why I don't lift a finger until I receive a 75% deposit. If they don't like that, they can go with someone else. I start off letting them know (without having to say it at tall) that I'm doing them a big favor, and if they want the best, they had better be the best of clients in order to receive my in-demand services.
Once the client has paid the 75% deposit, I don't ever really have trouble collecting the final 25% before I upload the files to their server. I never, ever put anything on a client's server until I've collected 100% of the project total.

It took me a few years to get the balls to adopt this business strategy, but it's been more than worth it, both financially and emotionally.
I guess Bowie was right when he said "To be a rock star, first you have to act like one." I let client's know that I'm the best, and I expect like from them. Also, I have an excellent lead source that keeps bringing them in anyways, so if they're assholes, I move on to the next.

And of course, architects get to run the Matrix. :p

Dobbs, that's why I don't lift a finger until I receive a 75% deposit...
A brilliant graphic designer does wonders too. (In very small companies, cheap results with quality look)

god you peeps get crapped on don't you

I've only worked with groups that have their own inhouse web designers

or architects for that matter

That's tricky one. Some small firms don't realise (when starting the business) that they have to write down every little detail. That every change will cost extra and that the customer HAS to give the material in time or the deal won't hold anymore. They might give it to you two weeks too late and still assume that the work will be done in time.


I quote an estimate and I charge by the hour and tell them up front that it will cost what it costs depending on the time it takes. Plus they get a fully detailed list of what I was doing for how many hours and all that. I also tell them that is they don't like what I'm doing that they can find someone else at anytime and I will charge them for whatever I have already done and turn everything over to whomever they have decided to replace me with. I'm up front about everything and allow for them to challenge anythign I have charged them for which they never do because I am completely honest. If I make a mistake I take the brunt of the cost that it takes to rework that mistake.