NationStates Jolt Archive

My nana died the night before Easter, two and a half years ago. She was the closest relative I've ever had, and it hurts so much that she's gone that I haven't even approached the grieving process yet - I know that's kind of not ok, but when I start I won't stop for a long time, and I've got so much outside stress on me right now that I'm not in a position to spend the next two months bawling and wailing and weeping (...and gnashing of teeth...I always wanted to use that somewhere)

Last night I dreamt that I got an audio letter from her, and when I put it in my tape player and put on my headphones she was right there, touching my hair and talking very softly to me. She apologized for leaving so suddenly and told me she loved me. I've been crying off and on since I woke up from that, over two hours ago.

I'm not one to believe in the 'supernatural' really, but this one has shaken me pretty severely. It's most likely the memory of her in my heart telling me that I need to get on and work through it already, but it was so ... strong, maybe, that I'm not willing to automatically discount that I had one of those famous dreamswithdeadpeopleinthemcomingtovisit.

So I guess my point is, or my question, or whatever... can anyone give me any advice or suggestions to approaching my grief without a complete breakdown? I know I need to do this, but I so need to not fall apart in the process.

I know that's kind of not ok, but when I start I won't stop for a long time, and I've got so much outside stress on me right now that I'm not in a position to spend the next two months bawling and wailing and weeping (...and gnashing of teeth...I always wanted to use that somewhere)
Just become an alcoholic.. you'll knash your teeth a lot then.

So I guess my point is, or my question, or whatever... can anyone give me any advice or suggestions to approaching my grief without a complete breakdown? I know I need to do this, but I so need to not fall apart in the process.

My only suggestions are to talk about it; with friends/family or whoever you feel comfortable with. I guess you're sort of trying to do that here, so I think its a step in the right direction.

Also, just remember the good times, and cherish the dream you had. It sounds like something a close relative would like to say if they had the opportunity, and even if it wasn't "supernatural" in origin, it still represents the strong bond you shared.

Dreams tend to show us our desires or needs. It's our subconscousness' way of contacting us. Talking about things with others helps.

Make a "date" with someone who also held her dear, more than one someone if you can.

Spend the entire time talking about that person. All the good, any bad, all the frustration since her departure, etc.

Cry, laugh, eat, drink, hug and above all, get it all out there to share and be dealt with while you have a support crew to help.

First let me say I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You need to come to terms with this. If you don't address it, it will continue to haunt you (forgive my choice of words). My best advice would be to cherish her memory, and remember that death is a natural part of life.

Make a "date" with someone who also held her dear, more than one someone if you can.

Spend the entire time talking about that person. All the good, any bad, all the frustration since her departure, etc.

Cry, laugh, eat, drink, hug and above all, get it all out there to share and be dealt with while you have a support crew to help.

i would advise the same. luckily i havent lost someone yet so i cant possibly imagine what it would be like so maybe i'm just talking bullshit now and i will change opinion once i do lose someone.

but, i like to think that dead people can actually contact the living through a dream or whatever. its a nicer idea that your nanna was actually there in that dream to comfort you as well as she could. it mightve been an image of your imagination but i like the nanna-contacts-you better. that shes not really gone and that she will be there and could maybe even help you during the process.. somehow.

about your question... i think you should stop with the things you are doing when you are feeling you are coming nearer and nearer to a breakdown and talk instead of going on. keeping it all in doesnt really work.
ive been depressed for quite some time (of course there is a difference between your and my situation) and i found that crying until you couldnt anymore helped a great deal. trying not to cry or spill whatever is on your heart just doesnt work.

goodluck, and i hope you will be ok.