NationStates Jolt Archive

I am just putting the finishing touches on my doctoral thesis comparing the relative fighting prowess of Connor Mcloed and Conan the Barbarian. I have determined through copious research and empirical experimentation that Conan would kick that Highlander's Scottish ass. Before I submit my thesis for peer review, I would appreciate any comments and ideas that might have escaped my consideration. Thank you very much for anything you might wish to add.

Well? Copy and paste the thesis already... How can we critique if we can't read it?

Well? Copy and paste the thesis already... How can we critique if we can't read it?

Sorry, can't. It's a double-blind study.

Conan would snap Highlander's neck like a chicken.

Arnie is unbeatable.

Highlander would kick Conan's muscle covered ass!

the highlander would win. A, immortal, so as long as his head was on, he stands a fighting chance. B, utilizes a more sophisticated fighting style. C, older, more experienced, and if i understand the nature of the quickening, connor possese several lifetimes of knowledge, expereince, and power.

Conan the Librarian.

http://www.worth1000.com/entries/55500/55802RwYV_w.jpg

Highlander would win easily. Conan is a barbarian. The barbarian fighting style involves, above all, intimidation and brute strength. Supposing that Conan fights Highlander when they are both at their prime and supposing that Conan's prime is at the age of 27, then this means that by then Conan has had about 17 years of fighting experience (because he began fighting as a child).

Highlander fights using a mixture of fighting techniques gathered through centuries of travelling the globe, studying with the masters, training, and fighting against others who have also had vast experience. His style focuses on speed, finesse, and trickery. During his prime, Connor has had approximately 700 years of fighting experience. Of course, he is beyond intimidation.

This is a no brainer, the Barbarian with 17 years of fighting experience using one of the least developed fighting styles, whose main asset (intimidation) is nullified versus the immortal with 700+ years of fighting experience using an amalgam of the greatest sword fighting techniques that have ever existed. Highlander wins easily.

Highlander would win easily. Conan is a barbarian. The barbarian fighting style involves, above all, intimidation and brute strength. Supposing that Conan fights Highlander when they are both at their prime and supposing that Conan's prime is at the age of 27, then this means that by then Conan has had about 17 years of fighting experience (because he began fighting as a child).

Highlander fights using a mixture of fighting techniques gathered through centuries of travelling the globe, studying with the masters, training, and fighting against others who have also had vast experience. His style focuses on speed, finesse, and trickery. During his prime, Connor has had approximately 700 years of fighting experience. Of course, he is beyond intimidation.

This is a no brainer, the Barbarian with 17 years of fighting experience using one of the least developed fighting styles, whose main asset (intimidation) is nullified versus the immortal with 700+ years of fighting experience using an amalgam of the greatest sword fighting techniques that have ever existed. Highlander wins easily.

Good points, all. But perhaps you are forgetting the very kick-ass nature of Conan. His badassitude has been measured at over 12 buttloads.

Does Conan know how Connor can be killed?

Does Conan know how Connor can be killed?

Sarah Connor?

Good points, all. But perhaps you are forgetting the very kick-ass nature of Conan. His badassitude has been measured at over 12 buttloads.
and as we all know, a buttload is a quantitative measurement expressing the amount of a given material capable of being fitted in God's rectum without spillage.

Sarah Connor?
apperantly he'd need a robot or some kind of cancer for that. either way he'd be screwed, because, as you can probably imagine, bitch be crazy.

and as we all know, a buttload is a quantitative measurement expressing the amount of a given material capable of being fitted in God's rectum without spillage.


No.. sorry... I should have specified. I meant metric buttloads.

Sarah Connor?
Yes, wait..yes.

No.. sorry... I should have specified. I meant metric buttloads.
well fuck. that means we have to convert from the christian Almighty, or possibly Yahweh, depending on the school of thought to which you belong, to a buddhist buttload. and not the virile young gouhtama sidartha, or the emaciated frog eating, forest dwelling hermit buddha either. no, we have to convert for fat happy buddha. do you have any idea how many decimals are involved in that conversion?

Hmm, all else being equal I'd have to say Connor McLeod, since, as an immortal, only decapitating blow would kill him. Maybe Conan could incapacitate him with other blows, then lop off his head once he was down...

As for skill levels with the sword, I would have thought it would be close, especially if you consider Connor has had centuries of practice.

apperantly he'd need a robot or some kind of cancer for that. either way he'd be screwed, because, as you can probably imagine, bitch be crazy.

It's easy to kill Sarah Connor. You just divorce Linda Hamilton and that automatically makes Sarah Connor disappear.

Highlander would probably win. He has far more experience, can't be intimidated easily, and reacts quickly. Conan is cunning and possesses brute strength, albeit using a primitive and crude fighting style that heavily relies upon instilling fear within the victim.

A giant swings slowly, a giant has trouble avoiding blows, a giant still relies on his two feet to carry him. Evade his swings, strike swiftly to wear him out, and hamstring him to eliminate his speed. However, one blow from his axe and the Highlander is down, the fight over. If Conan can use his berserker rage to gain a serious advantage from the beginning while ignoring pain, he could possibly defeat the Highlander.

hmmm...
tough call.

Highlander:
Weapon: Katana.
Pros: Immortal, can only be killed by a decapitating stroke.
Years of fighting (If we can assume that Connor Mccloud became Highlander about the same time Conan was crowned.) puts him about par with Conan's experience.
Honor

Conan:
Weapon: Varies from Swords to Axes.
Pros: Beserker Strength and warlords skill.
Years of fighting and combat.
Personal code of Honor

probable outcome...

After fighting for many hours, Conan will realize that Connor is his equal. the wounds both received would've felled a normal man. Thus Conan would look upon McCloud as a fellow warrior and thus both would share in food and drink. McCloud, knowing that Conan is not an Immortal like he is, is impressed by Conan's skill and stamina, and would partake in the celebration. both would part ways, knowing each earned the others respect.

...After fighting for many hours, Conan will realize that Connor is his equal. the wounds both received would've felled a normal man. Thus Conan would look upon McCloud as a fellow warrior and thus both would share in food and drink. McCloud, knowing that Conan is not an Immortal like he is, is impressed by Conan's skill and stamina, and would partake in the celebration. both would part ways, knowing each earned the others respect.

Great. *sniff* Now I'm crying like a baby. But I think you're right.

Let's look at the facts objectively.

Do we ever see Connor McLeod of the clan McLeod punch out a camel? No. Win to Conan.

Let's move on to their female companions. Connor's girlfriend is better looking than Conan's. Win to Highlander.

Finally, Conan's nemesis was James Earl Jones, whereas Highlander's was some bloke I can't even remember anymore (Kurgan?). Win to Conan.

Therefore, weighing up all the evidence, it is clear that Highlander could never defeat Conan.

Here's the play-by-play, as I see it:

Conan doesn't know he has to decapitate Connor to win. Connor uses all his skill, speed, and finesse. Connor injures Conan, but Conan doesn't care because he's a freaking psycho who doesn't understand the concept of "ouch. I don't like pain."

Conan then proceeds to lop off Connor's body parts. An arm here, a leg there, piece of a liver. Basically because Conan's axe could snap a katana in two, no contest. Yeah I know: 7th century Japanese steel quadruple-folded or something. Still Conan's got a HUGE fricking axe. It's like as tall as dresser with a blade wider than my Aunt Gail. (bit of an exaggeration).

If Conan's axe is Roseanne, Connor's sword is Calista Flockhart.

So yeah, Connor holds on to the end, but eventually his head gets lopped off, and only because that's the one body part Conan HASN'T turned into a bloody mess of meat yet.

But that other outcome, about it being a draw and them becoming friends, is probably most likely and more in keeping with Robert Howard's style.

highlander

But that other outcome, about it being a draw and them becoming friends, is probably most likely and more in keeping with Robert Howard's style.
LOL - I've only read a few Conan novels, but they all seem to follow a formula:

1. Conan hears about a fantastic treasure guarded by an evil wizard/demon/monster/demigod (Conan is broke at the start of the story, no matter how big the last treasure he acquired was)

2. Conan meets up with a kindred spirited warrior, who tags along for the adventure

3. Conan (with little real effort) chops the bad guy into puree, and claims the treasure. He also discovers that the wizard/demon/monster/demigod was holding a beatiful half naked girl prisoner

4. Conan goes on a alcohol fueled orgy of sex, feasting, and general good natured manly romping with his new buddy, until he is broke

5. Goto 1

[QUOTE=Ealdwode]Here's the play-by-play, as I see it:


Conan then proceeds to lop off Connor's body parts. An arm here, a leg there, piece of a liver. Basically because Conan's axe could snap a katana in two, no contest. Yeah I know: 7th century Japanese steel quadruple-folded or something. Still Conan's got a HUGE fricking axe.

No really, Japanese swords don't just break. The blades are folded hundreds of times and differentially tempered. They are renowned for their resilience. A HUGE fricking axe isn't enough.

Conan of course, I doubt Highlander knows the dewey decimal system.

No really, Japanese swords don't just break. The blades are folded hundreds of times and differentially tempered. They are renowned for their resilience. A HUGE fricking axe isn't enough.
for some reason i'm reminded of the first scene with the FBI agent in Boondock Saints. " a huuuuuge frickin guy"

I would hedge my bet on Conan; it may make the narrator finally reveal how he became a great King by his own hand (but that is another story)

I would hedge my bet on Conan; it may make the narrator finally reveal how he became a great King by his own hand (but that is another story)

>_<

*Wings off into the night*

700 Years of practice makes you eff'in deadly.
McCloud would cut up Conan slowly, little by little.
It wouldnt even be a fair fight.

Conan isnt much on grace, or swordsmanship, hes a brute strength kinda guy, and simply would lose quickly to a much more skilled, faster, and more precise opponent, and weapon.

He would over-extend himself on a swipe, and Connor would simply evade, and thrust his pretty katana through conans big dumb neck.

The fact that the Highlander cant be killed except by decaptitation, wouldnt even come into play.

700 Years of practice makes you eff'in deadly.
McCloud would cut up Conan slowly, little by little.
It wouldnt even be a fair fight.

Conan isnt much on grace, or swordsmanship, hes a brute strength kinda guy, and simply would lose quickly to a much more skilled, faster, and more precise opponent, and weapon.

He would over-extend himself on a swipe, and Connor would simply evade, and thrust his pretty katana through conans big dumb neck.

The fact that the Highlander cant be killed except by decaptitation, wouldnt even come into play.

You are seriously underestimating Conan's badassitude. I admit that Highlander is highly skilled, yet Conan is a force of nature that makes the quickening look like a light summer rain.

You are seriously underestimating Conan's badassitude. I admit that Highlander is highly skilled, yet Conan is a force of nature that makes the quickening look like a light summer rain.


Sure he is!

Conan has "BadMotherfucker" tattooed on his ballsack..but he aint got 700 years of practice.

Speed and cunning, and skill, beat brute force everytime.

OLD SCHOOL! Awesome. Highlander would kick ass. Mostly by using really, really cheesy one liners. And his sword, don't forget the sword.

The Highlander of course.

700+ years of training
Kick ass sword
Trained by James Bond (As a Scotish sounding Egyptian dressed as a Spanish peacock)
And finally, there can BE only one.

(And I can't believe that no one else has posted that before me)

Conan O'Brien wins the fight easily, his main weapons being his witty monologue, his magical pompadour and his olde-school boxing style.

Conan battling a grizzly (http://www.conanvsbear.com/index.21.gif)

Dude, it's the Highlander easily.

And by the way, "Connor Mcloed"?
There can be only one... it's Duncan Macleod.

Duncan > Connor

Well if you go by the books then Conan is quick, graceful and powerful, hardly the lumbering giant he's being painted as here.

Connor may have the experience but Conan is a natural fighter who is stronger, has a better reach with his weapon and has better stamina due to having the better pyshique.

I'm going to agree with them drawing and then being good drinking buddies :D

Connor couldn't beat a ten year old. Duncan on the other hand, he is hardcore, and I belive he beat Connor in the last film. Remember Duncan can do Aikido as well, do Conan wouldn't stand a chance!!

Conan spent five years in a freaking gladiator pit!

You don't survive that without having extreme levels of skill, agility and general hardcoreness.

Added to that, the Katana is an attacking weapon only, attempting to fight a parrying style combat with one is daft (Oh wait they do that all the time on Highlander heh), wheras Conan's fighting style involves both attack & defense.

Furthermore, Conan is also more imaginative, since he created Sherlock Holmes.

Therefore, Conan wins!

Conan spent five years in a freaking gladiator pit!

You don't survive that without having extreme levels of skill, agility and general hardcoreness.

Excellent point. People have been touting the centuries of experience the Highlander has - but how many opponents did he actually face in mortal combat? Nowhere near as many as Conan dispatched in the pit.

How many demons and demi-gods has Connor (or Duncan) killed? What? None? Conan probably kills two or three before breakfast. No stupid immortal would stand a chance.

Japanese swords, to my knowledge, weren't made from folded metal as a rule; that's more along the lines of Damascus steel weapons. The Japanese masters were big fans of lamilar metal construction, forging different types of steel together in layers, to get the best qualities of each. Not quite the same thing. And yes, an axe would definitely do a great deal of damage to a katana.

They'd probably just go out drinking and wenching together, anyway, then find some evil wizard and co. to chop up.

I'd have to go with Conan. After all, the name of the story is Conan Kill Everything, not Conan Kill Something or Conan Kill Half of Everything and Then Kill Himself.

You guys keep trying to tout the Highlander's immortality except by decapitation. Remember Thulsa Doom(James Earl Jones)? He was a magical immortal who lived for over 1000 years(that's longer than McLeod), who Conan knew to decapitate with his father's broken sword.

Not to mention that Thulsa could turn into a giant snake, not counting his even bigger pet snake that Conan decapitated with minimal help from Subotai.

That's only one of the movies, that doesn't even begin to show how many gods and demons he slew before he was even 20. Read the books, after just two or three, you'll realize that Conan the Cimmerian would PWNZOR that little Scottish twig.

Now I have to go boil my hands off for typing "pwnzor."

Definitly Conner. 700 years experience which would have included hulking brutes like Conan. Besides Conan lost to far inferior swordsman and Conan doesn't know how to kill Conner. Conan gives Conner a deathstroke, Conner 'dies' comes back to life, comes after Conan. Conan totally taken by suprise dies. And that's presuming that Conan gets a good stroke in in the first place.

And Duncan beat Conner because he let him. Simple as that.

Definitly Conner. 700 years experience which would have included hulking brutes like Conan. Besides Conan lost to far inferior swordsman and Conan doesn't know how to kill Conner. Conan gives Conner a deathstroke, Conner 'dies' comes back to life, comes after Conan. Conan totally taken by suprise dies. And that's presuming that Conan gets a good stroke in in the first place.

And Duncan beat Conner because he let him. Simple as that.

But Conan did know how to deal with immortals. See my previous post.

Highlander!

I say again, it would be Connor McCleod, and heres agood comparison:

Ever see "Kill Bill"?

Uma Thurmans went to train with Pai Mei.

The guy was about McCleod's age, and had studied Kung Fu for his entire life.
He says to Bea Kiddo, "If you can land a single blow, I will bow down and call you master."

She couldnt even touch him.

She was no slouch either, but she was in no way, a match for a master of his craft, especially one with so many years under his belt.

Same deal for Conan.
Big..
Powerful..
100% BAD ASS...

But no match for an infinite amount of skill.

Conan would snap Highlander's neck like a chicken.

Arnie is unbeatable.

Agree.

I say again, it would be Connor McCleod, and heres agood comparison:

Ever see "Kill Bill"?

Uma Thurmans went to train with Pai Mei.

The guy was about McCleod's age, and had studied Kung Fu for his entire life.
He says to Bea Kiddo, "If you can land a single blow, I will bow down and call you master."

She couldnt even touch him.

She was no slouch either, but she was in no way, a match for a master of his craft, especially one with so many years under his belt.

Same deal for Conan.
Big..
Powerful..
100% BAD ASS...

But no match for an infinite amount of skill.

Conan, has had training, and lived in a time when survival depended on strength, even more so than the highlander. The movies and books if read and used for comparison leave no doubt that conan would win.

Conan, has had training, and lived in a time when survival depended on strength, even more so than the highlander. The movies and books if read and used for comparison leave no doubt that conan would win.


False.

While tougher than nails, and certainly a mean mother...Conan is mortal and has not had 700 years to hone his skill.