NationStates Jolt Archive

This one is inspired by the "Who's your daddy, and what does he do" thread.
Up until now, I considered myself to be part of a minority in hating and despising my father, but there were a number of posts on that thread that showed that my father doesn't seem to be the only evil bastard out there.

So, do you love or hate your parents?

Edit : Damn, I wanted to add a poll, but I messed it up

This one is inspired by the "Who's your daddy, and what does he do" thread.
Up until now, I considered myself to be part of a minority in hating and despising my father, but there were a number of posts on that thread that showed that my father doesn't seem to be the only evil bastard out there.

So, do you love or hate your parents?

Edit : Damn, I wanted to add a poll, but I messed it up



I don't really see how anyone could hate anyone else, much less their own father...their actions or personalities, sure, but their immortal soul and person?

Haha, I love my mother, she's sweet, though incredibly annoying. She's always been there and we have really close relationship. I can tell her everything.

I don't exactly hate my father, I dislike him for what he's done, but no matter what he'll always be my father.

My parents got divorced when I was 6. My father had been cheating on my mother for quite some time and for her, this was the last straw. They got joint custordy though I was to live with my mother, and see my father for half of the holidays. My father was also to pay school fees, since he actually had a job and a good one at that, and he was to give my mother a small allowance for looking after us.

My father got married to my step mother when I was 7, and they had a daughter the same year.

At the age of 8, he stopped paying school fees and he just left. We haven't seen him since.

He does email us though. He says he's living in England, completely jobless, but he's getting by on the dole and on my grandfather's pension. He says he's also looking after my grandfather, Koriko, and my baby sister Karen.

A year or so ago, we got a private detective to track down my father. Aparently he's not even living with my stepmother and my sister, apparently he's living in a relatively large house with a new wife. That's four wives, and counting.

A few months ago we called my grandfather, and he said that he hadn't seen my father in the longest time. So my grandfather, who's nearly 90, is living all alone in a house. Apparently my father is now living in Japan.

Sure I love my parents. Well, Mum died a couple of months ago, but when she was still alive, she and I were as close as can be. And my father... well, I love him. I can't say I enjoy being around him sometimes (we get into some heated political debates), but I love and like him all the same. He's done quite a few things I don't agree with, but he always tends to make up for it.

I don't really see how anyone could hate anyone else, much less their own father...their actions or personalities, sure, but their immortal soul and person?

In fairness, my father is the only person in the world I really and truely hate. That doesn't mean that I would try to hurt him, but if that should happen, I would be sure to gloat. And so would my two brothers and my mother.

I don't believe in immortal souls, and actions, thoughts and character determine a person. My father made himself hated with all of those.

Love. It oversimplifies the complex emotions that exist between parent and child to speak of it in terms of love or hate, or the shades of gray in between.

While I both love and respect my parents, I have come to understand them as human beings and hence imperfect. I can accept their flaws and errors, but respect their good intentions. I can forgive them for making mistakes, and therefor I can love them.

But overall, it is easy for me to love my parents. I'm sympathetic to those who can't find that in their heart because they weren't treated well by parents who broke their trust.

Love. It oversimplifies the complex emotions that exist between parent and child to speak of it in terms of love or hate, or the shades of gray in between.

While I both love and respect my parents, I have come to understand them as human beings and hence imperfect. I can accept their flaws and errors, but respect their good intentions. I can forgive them for making mistakes, and therefor I can love them.

But overall, it is easy for me to love my parents. I'm sympathetic to those who can't find that in their heart because they weren't treated well by parents who broke their trust.

Great pity, I have pity.

Both my parents are awesome. I love them a lot. I do, however, hate Cabra West's father.

I'm a parent. It's inconceivable that I would ever not love my children, and it's impossible for me to understand how anyone can do that.

How anyone can harm a child, emotionally or physically is beyond me, I just can't understand. And it makes me angry.

No parent is perfect, some are even fairly imperfect. Hard for kids to understand until they mature. But I don't see how they can ever understand a parent who harmed them. I'm a Christian, so I see this as a matter for forgiveness - it is the only way to place something this devastating out of one's life. Not preaching here, just my take on it.

Love them. They've been relatively good parents compared to most. They try their best, and I love them for it.

Both my parents are awesome. I love them a lot. I do, however, hate Cabra West's father.

*hands Gartef the "Hate my father" - official Club jacket :D

*hands Gartef the "Hate my father" - official Club jacket :D

What did your father do?

No parent is perfect, some are even fairly imperfect. Hard for kids to understand until they mature. But I don't see how they can ever understand a parent who harmed them. I'm a Christian, so I see this as a matter for forgiveness - it is the only way to place something this devastating out of one's life. Not preaching here, just my take on it.

Imperfectness is something I don't find hard to forgive, that's why I still love my mom. My father was not "imperfect", he did what he did deliberately, that's why I feel I can't and shouldn't even forgive him until he asks my forgiveness. He doesn't, and I don't think he ever will.

What did your father do?
In short:
Beat me black and blue on a regular basis, made sure I would never build up any self confidence at all, and abused me from age 10-13.

In short:
Beat me black and blue on a regular basis, made sure I would never build up any self confidence at all, and abused me from age 10-13.

I'm sorry to hear that, hard to imagine how hard that was for you. He must be a very unhappy man - I'm no psychologist, but I suspect he's suffering internally in a significant way.

I'm sorry to hear that, hard to imagine how hard that was for you. He must be a very unhappy man - I'm no psychologist, but I suspect he's suffering internally in a significant way.

Yes, I suspect as much. But trying to help would go against my instincts for survival... unless he saw that there IS something wrong in the first place, and go look for help.

Yes, I suspect as much. But trying to help would go against my instincts for survival... unless he saw that there IS something wrong in the first place, and go look for help.

No way to talk this through with him? At least get it off your chest?

But what if you are the hated father?

I am such.

I have repented, but to no avail.

I am still hated by my own son.

It hurts.

No way to talk this through with him? At least get it off your chest?
You know, I reckon you should stop talking right about now.

"talking it through" with someone that physically abused you isn't going to help get anything "off your chest". Seeking councelling, or solace with poeple that actually give a shit for your happiness and wellbeing might.

"talking it through" with someone that physically abused you isn't going to help get anything "off your chest". Seeking councelling, or solace with poeple that actually give a shit for your happiness and wellbeing might.

Completely agree.

No way to talk this through with him? At least get it off your chest?

No, no way.
I guess thst might work if he first saw that he did something wrong there. But since he considers himself to be infallible, he rather have his side of the family believe that I'm the bad one on this, that I'm an ungrateful spoiled bitch, and that consquently he's the one who's in the right and suffers wrongfully.
So, no, I'm not going to even try and talk to him as long as things are the way they are.

You know, I reckon you should stop talking right about now.

"talking it through" with someone that physically abused you isn't going to help get anything "off your chest". Seeking councelling, or solace with poeple that actually give a shit for your happiness and wellbeing might.

I beg your pardon. I asked her a question, and actually I do care about her happiness or I wouldn't be bothering. Your advice is equally good, but perhaps you should address your thoughts to her and not to me.

No, no way.
I guess thst might work if he first saw that he did something wrong there. But since he considers himself to be infallible, he rather have his side of the family believe that I'm the bad one on this, that I'm an ungrateful spoiled bitch, and that consquently he's the one who's in the right and suffers wrongfully.
So, no, I'm not going to even try and talk to him as long as things are the way they are.

Well, it's surely a mess. I'm sorry for the unhappiness you suffered at his hands.

Well, it's surely a mess. I'm sorry for the unhappiness you suffered at his hands.

Thanks.

But anyway, this wasn't supposed to be about me... what about all those other fathers out there?

My father died when I was 16, but he was a very loving & caring man. If I have children, I hope they think of me, as I do of him.

But what if you are the hated father?

I am such.

I have repented, but to no avail.

I am still hated by my own son.

It hurts.

What did you do?

This one is inspired by the "Who's your daddy, and what does he do" thread.
Up until now, I considered myself to be part of a minority in hating and despising my father, but there were a number of posts on that thread that showed that my father doesn't seem to be the only evil bastard out there.

So, do you love or hate your parents?

Edit : Damn, I wanted to add a poll, but I messed it up
My father's an absolute prick, and all my friends who've heard of him know this, and the ones who've met him don't like him. He comes off as very nice to others, but appearances are most certaintly deceiving.

I've told my mom flat out, a few times, that she needs a divorce, she married an asshole, and I'd happily dance on his grave. He's that bad of a person. However, she's built up this wall of denial around herself (Thus making her lose her sanity slowly), so she doesn't really see him as he really is. And yes, I've tried talking to him, and he feels he doesn't owe me anything, or did anything wrong.

So, do you love or hate your parents?

Edit : Damn, I wanted to add a poll, but I messed it up
You can still add a poll. Just click on thread tools.

I love and hate my father. I'm very much like him, but I suffered his temper, and I despise his alcoholism. He was verbally and emotionally abusive, without really knowing it. We don't speak to one another directly, we speak to each other through my mother. And yet, I do love him. I just can't stand him.

My husband also loves/hates his father. His father came to Canada 8 years before the rest of my inlaws, and in that time became very mentally ill, and started another family. When he finally brought my husband and the others to Canada, they lived in a nightmare of cultural dislocation, and abuse. It's better now, but it's hard to forget or forgive that kind of thing.

I just hope that future fathers will not create these ambiguities in the hearts of their children.

Actually, father/daughter relationships among my friends are all pretty strained. One friend is half Greek, and her Greek father constantly put down Canadians, is a total mysoginist, calls her a whore all the time...doesn't work, expects his wife to support him...yeah, he's a real bastard. My best friend had a heroin addict for a father. Finally ODd about three years ago. It was terrible...he broke up her family and caused them no end of pain when they tried and failed to help him, years of guilt and sorrow, and now no chance to make up for it.

Fuck. Fathers. At least I know my kids will have a good father. It's their mother I'm worried about (I'm so afraid I'll turn out like my dad...)

You can still add a poll. Just click on thread tools.


Thanks :)

Actually, father/daughter relationships among my friends are all pretty strained. One friend is half Greek, and her Greek father constantly put down Canadians, is a total mysoginist, calls her a whore all the time...doesn't work, expects his wife to support him...yeah, he's a real bastard. My best friend had a heroin addict for a father. Finally ODd about three years ago. It was terrible...he broke up her family and caused them no end of pain when they tried and failed to help him, years of guilt and sorrow, and now no chance to make up for it.

Fuck. Fathers. At least I know my kids will have a good father. It's their mother I'm worried about (I'm so afraid I'll turn out like my dad...)

I wouldn't worry about that. My mother's father was pretty abusive as well, which in turn made her much more conscious about the way she acted towards us, as she was constantly trying not to repeat his mistakes. She came up with her very own mistakes ;)