NationStates Jolt Archive

This is sort of a sequel to my Stupid Videogame Cliche` Thread, only now we'll discuss not things OVERDONE in videogames but things IN THE PLOT OR THE GAMEPLAY that are funny and/or illogical.

For example:

-In Forbidden Siren, none of the characters think to relieve a KO'ed Shitibo of thier weapons, even when you're controlling a character that KNOWS THE SHITIBO CAN NOT BE KILLED AND WILL GET UP AFTER SEEMINGLY BEING ELIMINATED.

-The Merchants in Resident Evil 4.

-The poisonious Zanibar hamsters that can kill you in one hit, despite the fact you can take THREE from A HIND D'S GUNS.

-The throwaway Umbrella gasmask-wearing thugs with the magically dissolving MP5 Navy machine guns. (EDIT: In Resident Evil 2, I forgot to mention.)

-EVERY SINGLE DAMN THING IN METAL GEAR SOLID 2, espically the bi-sexual vampire who can run on water.

Feel free to add your own.

Bumptery-Bump-Bump.

Uncle Crassius -- Morrowind. Beats 'em all.

Creepy as hell.

Friend: "Tell me again, what's the point of being evil in Fable?"

Me: "Umm...You can flip people the bird..."

F: "And?"

M: "...And that's about it. Seriously. Its half of a great game."

F: "The other half sucks?"

M: "No, the other half simply isn't there. They ran out of time, so they just released it unfinished."

F: "But that half that they did make..."

M: "Rocks."

(actual conversation)

Uncle Crassius -- Morrowind. Beats 'em all.

Creepy as hell.

Who? :confused:

*to the tune of the song "Shoot It Up"* Bump it, bump it up-up-up-up-up-up. Bump it up, bump it uuuuuuuuup!

Bump.

Crassius Curio from Morrowind. He tells you to call him "Uncle Crassius". In one mission, he forces you to strip to nothing to get information, and regardless of race or gender he calls you "sweetie" and "sweetcakes". Creepy.

Every single "King of Fighters"-storyline. Make that "Street Fighter", too. Seriously, why do BemUps have a story at all? Although there are some with a nice background, most just feel like they were written by Doktor Ridikuhlos.

Crassius Curio from Morrowind. He tells you to call him "Uncle Crassius". In one mission, he forces you to strip to nothing to get information, and regardless of race or gender he calls you "sweetie" and "sweetcakes". Creepy.

Now you know why I join Telvanni. ;)

The entire Redoran council living in a giant crab shell was a bit weird, as were the Telvanni mushroom houses.

Every single "King of Fighters"-storyline. Make that "Street Fighter", too. Seriously, why do BemUps have a story at all? Although there are some with a nice background, most just feel like they were written by Doktor Ridikuhlos.

On a VERY odd note, I'd like to add that the story in Guilty Gear X2 is an amazingly well done Sci Fi masterpiece...but its the only one in the series with a story. And even the subsequent Guilty Gear game had no story attached to it.

It was a fighter with a real story. That's just messed up, I feel strange even putting those words together. I love the Soul Calibur attempt at a story; everyone in that game has destroyed that stupid sword a hojillion times.

In the original Diablo, why the hell didn't the Lord of Terror just obliterate Tristram? And why didn't Deckard freakin' Cain help, damnit!

In Diablo II, why didn't Deckard freakin' Cain just vaporize the damn demons in Tristram? Come on, he's the last of the damn Horadrim, and he gets stuck in a cage.

In sci-fi, the away team going on the dangerous missions always consists of vital crew members, like the captain, the chief medic, the chief engineer, the guy with the donuts, etc. The flunkies stay behind in a safe place.
http://www.enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/cliche.htm

Bump.

Sanitarium...you're dressed like a mental patient, walking around and talking to the other crazies....Needless to say, I spent ten minutes on the first screen and gave up.

Sanitarium...you're dressed like a mental patient, walking around and talking to the other crazies....Needless to say, I spent ten minutes on the first screen and gave up.

Sanitarium? Never played that one...

Also, forgot to mention the fact that in Final Fantasty 7, they didn't JUST USE A PHENFIX DOWN ON AERIS. STUPID!

In Super Mario Bros. 3, a LEAF will turn Mario into a RACCOON, which then allows him to FLY.

I mean, everyone knows raccoons can't fly! And I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as a leaf that will turn you into a raccoon, or any sort of animal for that matter. Those idiots who made that game COMPLETELY ignored the laws of physics and biology, not to mention alchemy.

FFX...

Your character is metrosexual, gets with a hot girl, is forced to kill his dad, later jumps off an airship into the abyss, leaves the hot girl crying.

Honestly, it doesn't make much sense. Except for Auron. Man he's badass.

In Super Mario Bros. 3, a LEAF will turn Mario into a RACCOON, which then allows him to FLY.

I mean, everyone knows raccoons can't fly! And I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as a leaf that will turn you into a raccoon, or any sort of animal for that matter. Those idiots who made that game COMPLETELY ignored the laws of physics and biology, not to mention alchemy.
alchemy? how can can achemy help? you can't transmute a chimera of mario and a leaf. and if you could, it wouldn't be able to fly

alchemy? how can can achemy help? you can't transmute a chimera of mario and a leaf. and if you could, it wouldn't be able to fly

My point exactly. It's like the people who made SMB 3 didn't even bother consulting an alchemist before programming the game.

My point exactly. It's like the people who made SMB 3 didn't even bother consulting an alchemist before programming the game.
i guess so, but then, when did they make fullmetal alchemist? i wouldn't be surprised if it was made after SMB3, therefore they wouldn't be able to use it as a reference

i guess so, but then, when did they make fullmetal alchemist? i wouldn't be surprised if it was made after SMB3, therefore they wouldn't be able to use it as a reference

Hmm . . . good call. I hadn't considered the whole time line thing. But then, if the time line was an issue, why didn't they just use relativity to sort things out?

Hmm . . . good call. I hadn't considered the whole time line thing. But then, if the time line was an issue, why didn't they just use relativity to sort things out?
since when has relativity had any relevance to alchemy? alchemy will just transmute things out of their component parts, or out of things made out of their componenet parts
note: this is what happens when i watch an entire anime series in a short time

since when has relativity had any relevance to alchemy? alchemy will just transmute things out of their component parts, or out of things made out of their componenet parts
note: this is what happens when i watch an entire anime series in a short time

What? Alchemy is nothing without the theory of relativity! Oh sure, you can practice old school "classical" alchemy without relativity, but it's much better when you practice in the light of Einstein's theory. In classical alchemy, you can't even transmute Deutrium and Quicksilver.

Of course, Schrodinger's ideas are also a boon to alchemists. What's more fun than putting a cat in a box with water and fire and knowing that the cat is half alive and half gold plated? You don't know which it is until you open the box!

What? Alchemy is nothing without the theory of relativity! Oh sure, you can practice old school "classical" alchemy without relativity, but it's much better when you practice in the light of Einstein's theory. In classical alchemy, you can't even transmute Deutrium and Quicksilver.

Of course, Schrodinger's ideas are also a boon to alchemists. What's more fun than putting a cat in a box with water and fire and knowing that the cat is half alive and half gold plated? You don't know which it is until you open the box!
<transmutes spartiala and a fish into a chimera> ha! try that with relativity fish-man.

For some reason, on Medal of Honor Frontline, it takes multiple whacks with the stock of an 8-pound M1 Garand to kill an enemy, but one tiny little tap from a Bazooka.

For some reason, on Medal of Honor Frontline, it takes multiple whacks with the stock of an 8-pound M1 Garand to kill an enemy, but one tiny little tap from a Bazooka.

Nazi officers can take a round from a bazooka to the face and keep firing. I don't remember seeing that on the History channel.

Seriously, I bought that game for 20 bucks and I feel like I got ripped off. Its terrible.

in warhammer 40k: dawn of war the orks hav :yaargh towers or something like that. thats the name of the unit....... its an ork with a maching gun in a turret with a banner that says sumthing like yaargh..... i think they just couldnt find a scary or cool phrase before the deadline.

PS1. Jedi Power Battles. No. Targeting. At. All. Unless you've played it, you have no idea how frustrating it is to be one hit away from killing Darth Maul only to miss your run-'n-stab by centimeters.

Speaking of which, why is it that in Star Wars games lightsabers don't kill everything in one hit? Unless they block it with another lightsaber of course. I just don't expect people to block lightsabers WITH THEIR HAND. Evil nosensical guards...

Now that I've become the lord, no GOD of loserdom, I'm gonna go eat some cheese.

What about commandos 3? They do shit like send a man alone to destroy two german warships armed with only a knife. You feel totally hardcore when you beat those camaigns.

Neverwinter Nights. While the enemy armies are converging on Neverwinter, you get sent to look for the Words of Power. This is all nice and good, but I can get a heck of a lot more done by fighting the armies of Luskan. They probably wouldn't even make it NEAR Neverwinter, If I actually tried. For that matter, I always know more than the spymaster. Maybe if he'd stop staying in the same place, he'd find out something.

What about commandos 3? They do shit like send a man alone to destroy two german warships armed with only a knife. You feel totally hardcore when you beat those camaigns.

Zexaland: That's what happens when you take money out of the military and put it in to Healthcare!

Zexaland's sister: It's a good system! Just give it a chance!

*Zexaland and his sister start fighting.*

Zexaland: That's what happens when you take money out of the military and put it in to Healthcare!

Zexaland's sister: It's a good system! Just give it a chance!

*Zexaland and his sister start fighting.*

Damn right it's a good system, they didn't even have to blow money on training him. This guy can shoot guns but at best he only gets a few feet. And yet, with my expert leadership, he single-handedly sunk two german warships.

Neverwinter Nights. While the enemy armies are converging on Neverwinter, you get sent to look for the Words of Power. This is all nice and good, but I can get a heck of a lot more done by fighting the armies of Luskan. They probably wouldn't even make it NEAR Neverwinter, If I actually tried. For that matter, I always know more than the spymaster. Maybe if he'd stop staying in the same place, he'd find out something.

Maybe the spymaster is French.

That ugly fatass chainsaw-wielding masked maniac from the last part of Manhunt is almost impossible to attack with just three glass shards scattered around a crampered attic. :headbang:
A good ol´machete definitively would be more suitable for attacking such a hambeast...

Michael Porta
LEADER OF VOLKINIA

That ugly fatass chainsaw-wielding masked maniac from the last part of Manhunt is almost impossible to attack with just three glass shards scattered around a crampered attic. :headbang:
A good ol´machete definitively would be more suitable for attacking such a hambeast...

Michael Porta
LEADER OF VOLKINIA

Makes it all the more satsifying when you finally make bacon out of him, though. ;)

Maybe the spymaster is French.There is no France in the Forgotten Realms. Besides, the French aren't all that bad when it comes to espionage. The guy was black, but that shouldn't mean anything. I hated how I was the one doing all the work when the city guard stood by and did nothing. It would have been nicer to have some kind of plot that let you see that they were doing something too. And that successfully...

Crassius Curio from Morrowind. He tells you to call him "Uncle Crassius". In one mission, he forces you to strip to nothing to get information, and regardless of race or gender he calls you "sweetie" and "sweetcakes". Creepy.

That part was especially weird considering that I was a male Argonian...

In FFX, I get really annoyed at the fact that although you can change in characters in battle (they just run in from the side), if they fall, no one can just run in and take their place. Why?!

Lulu: "Oh, dear. Tidus, Auron, and Yuna seem to be dead..."
Kimahri: "Sucks to be them."
Rikku: "Hey! Let's go get ice cream!"

GAME OVER :p

That part was especially weird considering that I was a male Argonian...

In FFX, I get really annoyed at the fact that although you can change in characters in battle (they just run in from the side), if they fall, no one can just run in and take their place. Why?!

Lulu: "Oh, dear. Tidus, Auron, and Yuna seem to be dead..."
Kimahri: "Sucks to be them."
Rikku: "Hey! Let's go get ice cream!"

GAME OVER :p

Maybe Lulu, Kimahri and Rikku are all french! (OK, that's the last french joke I'll ever say, I swear.)

I spose this thread goes for Game mechanics too, so here goes:
Civ3
I always play aggressive and conquer civ for civ to expand my empire. Then I get negotiations with other, by now smaller and weaker nations.
They offer: World Map
They want: World Map and Technology
And then they smirk and say something about "fair trade".
Excuse me?! My country is three times your size! My military is an age ahead of yours! I own most of the wonders on this planet! You DARE tell me you want technology so I can see your world map?!?

In FFX, I get really annoyed at the fact that although you can change in characters in battle (they just run in from the side), if they fall, no one can just run in and take their place. Why?!

Oddly enough, they do run away when they're dead; when Yuna brings up an aeon, all the dudes scatter, including your dead comrade.

...

Of course, you probably knew that.

Oddly enough, they do run away when they're dead; when Yuna brings up an aeon, all the dudes scatter, including your dead comrade.

...

Of course, you probably knew that.

Oh, yeah. And when the Aeon disappears, they run back to the battle and immediately collapse, as if they suddenly remember "Oh yeah! I'm supposed to be dead!"

Oh, yeah. And when the Aeon disappears, they run back to the battle and immediately collapse, as if they suddenly remember "Oh yeah! I'm supposed to be dead!"

Maybe your KO'ed chararcters are actually french! (Damn it, Zexaland, shut up, shut up.)

I spose this thread goes for Game mechanics too, so here goes:
Civ3
I always play aggressive and conquer civ for civ to expand my empire. Then I get negotiations with other, by now smaller and weaker nations.
They offer: World Map
They want: World Map and Technology
And then they smirk and say something about "fair trade".
Excuse me?! My country is three times your size! My military is an age ahead of yours! I own most of the wonders on this planet! You DARE tell me you want technology so I can see your world map?!?

Man, Galactic Civilisations is much better. You should take a look if you haven't already.

I spose this thread goes for Game mechanics too, so here goes:
Civ3
I always play aggressive and conquer civ for civ to expand my empire. Then I get negotiations with other, by now smaller and weaker nations.
They offer: World Map
They want: World Map and Technology
And then they smirk and say something about "fair trade".
Excuse me?! My country is three times your size! My military is an age ahead of yours! I own most of the wonders on this planet! You DARE tell me you want technology so I can see your world map?!?

Maybe your opposition is French! (AAAAAAAARGH, WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT?! :headbang: )

Maybe your opposition is French! (AAAAAAAARGH, WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT?! :headbang: )

Even the part of the joke that's funny because it's not supposed to be funny isn't funny anymore.

the fact that in Final Fantasty 7, they didn't JUST USE A PHENFIX DOWN ON AERIS. STUPID!

OK here's one possible explanation why they don't.

Phoenix downs revive KO'd characters, by this they mean characters who have been beaten so much that they can't fight anymore, they are not dead they are KO'd.

Aries, on the other hand, got a very large sword rammed through and was quite dead.

Even the part of the joke that's funny because it's not supposed to be funny isn't funny anymore.

...Whoa!...Cosmic! :confused:

Maybe your opposition is French! (AAAAAAAARGH, WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT?! :headbang: )You know, for the first time, you were actually right. The French would be one of the dumb nations that would do this to me... :p

OK here's one possible explanation why they don't.

Phoenix downs revive KO'd characters, by this they mean characters who have been beaten so much that they can't fight anymore, they are not dead they are KO'd.

Aries, on the other hand, got a very large sword rammed through and was quite dead.

...I knew that! I..was...was..just testing yoU! Yeah! Testing ya!

You know, for the first time, you were actually right. The French would be one of the dumb nations that would do this to me... :p

"FIRST time"....? :mad:

...Whoa!...Cosmic! :confused:

I know man.

"FIRST time"....? :mad:Aarin Gend wasn't French, I doubt the three people eating ice cream were French... the only other time you mentioned it, you were right. Civ3 contains the French, and I don't usually play against them. But honestly, the joke got old yesterday. Please stop.

Aarin Gend wasn't French, I doubt the three people eating ice cream were French... the only other time you mentioned it, you were right. Civ3 contains the French, and I don't usually play against them. But honestly, the joke got old yesterday. Please stop.

OK.... :( *hangs head in shame.*

Aarin Gend wasn't French, I doubt the three people eating ice cream were French... the only other time you mentioned it, you were right. Civ3 contains the French, and I don't usually play against them. But honestly, the joke got old yesterday. Please stop.
...Because if you don't, someone will report you to the mods for trolling. And seriously. Telling ethnic jokes has gotten people banned before. Take it from an old hand who's seen it.

...Because if you don't, someone will report you to the mods for trolling. And seriously. Telling ethnic jokes has gotten people banned before. Take it from an old hand who's seen it.

OK, OK. I apoligise.

Uncle Crassius -- Morrowind. Beats 'em all.

Creepy as hell.
Agreed. House Hlaalu is the coolest house, but having to deal with him somehow makes it seem... not worth it.

Man, Galactic Civilisations is much better. You should take a look if you haven't already.
Yeah. Especially if you get the expansion. There is a minor civilization that’s description says it is the remnants of the extinct US Democratic Party that left America in rockets in the early 21st century and created a worker’s paradise on another planet. That game is so capitalistic it isn’t even funny. No mention of communism at all, ever. The future rules!

More about Morrowind, there is a lot of creepy stuff in that game. The books for the Dark Elves’ religion are insane! They must have been smoking something strong when they wrote those.

Yeah. Especially if you get the expansion. There is a minor civilization that’s description says it is the remnants of the extinct US Democratic Party that left America in rockets in the early 21st century and created a worker’s paradise on another planet. That game is so capitalistic it isn’t even funny. No mention of communism at all, ever. The future rules!


You're not seriously criticising it for that, are you?

You're not seriously criticising it for that, are you?
No. I love it! I was agreeing with you.

No. I love it! I was agreeing with you.

Everyone agrees it's the best stategy game ever, and everyone who likes strategy agrees it's the best game ever. Mostly.


I can't wait until the sequel.

In homeworld 1 : You cant hyper jump if you have a veryyyy large fleet.
In Homeworld 1 : The enemy has this HUGE force guarding the hyper space gates - hundreds of ion canon frigates. But they never attack in force.

In command and conquer generals zero hour: play skirmish as a general - eg. US Airforce general : you load a couple of assault chinooks with one sniper and the rest with grenade launcher equipped troops and you pretty much can rule the roost. Also the stealth bombers with their defensive counter measures have an unfair advantage.

In red alert 2: the Soviet buildings! they looked so run down as compared to the chromed up set up of the Americans!
In red Alert 2: the rate of fire of the typhoon attack submarine.

In yuri's revenge: The slave miners of yuri's forces and the "grinder". How the hell do you "grind" people to make money?

Civilization 3: sucky sucky game! :headbang: No story line!

Diablo 2 : very very repetitive. :gundge:

Grom Terror in Tibet : The english translation from German - atrocious! :D

In Project IGI : the lack of any sniper scope! :sniper:

Delta force: Too easy if you have a 15x sniper rifle - especially the long range interdiction weapon - unsilenced.

New one! I just stopped playing NCAA Football 2005 (I got the old one so I could lead my beloved Cal to the Fiesta Bowl) because I got so pissed at it. Ok. J.J. Arrington, my awesome running back, had been the top pick for the Heisman Trophy all season, finishing the season with a school record 1892 yards, the NCAA single season TD record of 47 TDs, and 175 receiving yards with 17 receptions. In the second to last week, I felt J.J had it all locked up, when suddenly...DENIED! The Heisman was taken out of nowhere by a Texas HB with the season end status of 982 yards, 14 total TDs, 7 receptions and 78 receiving yards. WTF?!?! HAVE THE VIRTUAL HEIMAN TROPHY JUDGE DUDES GONE MAD?!

Another example: sometimes sex heals you. How can a little alone time with a hooker help bullet wounds heal (yes, I'm talking to YOU, Grand Theft Auto)?

Another example: sometimes sex heals you. How can a little alone time with a hooker help bullet wounds heal (yes, I'm talking to YOU, Grand Theft Auto)?

Because all prostitutes were former nurses and doctors. The sad state of depression has resulted in thousands of medical workers out of jobs and desperate to earn money. There you go. A neat handy answer that sadly sometimes reflects the real world.

in warhammer 40k: dawn of war the orks hav :yaargh towers or something like that. thats the name of the unit....... its an ork with a maching gun in a turret with a banner that says sumthing like yaargh..... i think they just couldnt find a scary or cool phrase before the deadline.

Those are the Waaagh! banners. Waaagh! is basically an Ork battle-cry. You do know the game was based on Games Workshop's tabletop game right? Waagh! has been the Orky battlecry for the last ten years at least. [/wargame rant]

I used to have this game called Okage: Shadow King and it was nucking futs, if I do say so myself. It was about this kid who one day was minding his own business when suddenly this thingy burst out of the ground and goes "AHAHAHAHA! I AM THE SHADOW KING! GRRRRRRR!" So the thingy kicks the kid's rear and the kid wakes up the next morning and his sister is only able to talk in pig latin (wtf?). The kid is sent to get a doctor and when he steps outside his shadow is the thingy thing and the kid's like "HOLY CRAP THAT WASN'T A DREAM!" And the thingy says "AHAHAHAHA I AM YOUR SHADOW!" And then some stuff happens that's utterly crazy. The End.

Because all prostitutes were former nurses and doctors. The sad state of depression has resulted in thousands of medical workers out of jobs and desperate to earn money. There you go. A neat handy answer that sadly sometimes reflects the real world.

So those nurses and doctors turned good time girls STILL CARRY AROUND THE SUPPLIES NEEDED TO PREFORM MINOR SERGURY?!

Another thing: in Resident Evil 2, the GUN LOCKER is easier to access than the SEWERS.

Galatic Civilizations, why don't they ever hold presidential elections! They have a Senate in which several parties compete for seats, but they there is no contest to see which party can assume the position of head of State!

When you switch from a Republic back to a Imperial government (dictatorship) there are still elections for senate!? why dosent your party once again accire a monopoly on power?

For some reason, in more than one RPG I know, monarchies seem to change character with the name. When a country is a kingdom, it's fine, but when it's an empire, it's evil. Never figured out how that worked. I've always wondered what would happen if the kingdom just changed its name to an empire. Would the king suddenly grow fangs and red eyes and start executing everybody and talking in gruff whispers? :D

OK here's one possible explanation why they don't.

Phoenix downs revive KO'd characters, by this they mean characters who have been beaten so much that they can't fight anymore, they are not dead they are KO'd.

Aries, on the other hand, got a very large sword rammed through and was quite dead.
Nonsense. In any regular battle (especially boss ones), characters are stabbed, shot, burned, frozen, poisoned, zapped and get planets dropped on their heads. Repeatedly!

It takes all that just to make them lose consciousness.

And Aeris gets stabbed once and she's instantly dead? Hah! I don't believe it.

So those nurses and doctors turned good time girls STILL CARRY AROUND THE SUPPLIES NEEDED TO PREFORM MINOR SERGURY?!

What, you think that being fired like that they wouldn't be above a little unofficial compensation?

Nonsense. In any regular battle (especially boss ones), characters are stabbed, shot, burned, frozen, poisoned, zapped and get planets dropped on their heads. Repeatedly!

It takes all that just to make them lose consciousness.

And Aeris gets stabbed once and she's instantly dead? Hah! I don't believe it.

Mmmm, and if you consider the same game, one character manages to get stuck in a gas chamber for nearly up to 5 minutes (depending on how long you took) without dying from the gas being pumped in the room.

I'm not sure if anyone can hold their breath that long.

Mmmm, and if you consider the same game, one character manages to get stuck in a gas chamber for nearly up to 5 minutes (depending on how long you took) without dying from the gas being pumped in the room.

I'm not sure if anyone can hold their breath that long.
Guybrush Threepwood can. But, then again, Guybrush Threepwood isn't in any Final Fantasy game I know.

In Colonization, multiple countries can have Francis Drake as a founding father.
Horses, silver, ore, tools and guns can all 'go bad' if not stored properly.

In Civilisation, veteran knights have a better than even chance of defeating tanks, and an untrained militia unit a 1/33 chance of sinking a veteran battleship.
A diplomat can steal advanced technology like cars, even if you don't know what a wheel is. Also, he can bribe flying bomber units without them needing to land, and they are capable of defeating armies of musketeers on their own.

In Fallout, bottlecaps are the coin of the realm, and you can carry any number without weight penalty.

In UFO: Enemy Unknown (XCOM) a commando can carry weapons in both hands, a spare in his backpack and an alien corpse across his back, all at no combat penalty.

In Masters of Orion II, a colony's inhabitants may switch jobs from farmers to factory worker to researcher scientist each turn, all without retraining.
You can blow up a tiny, toxic, mineral-poor planet to bits, and then reassemble them into a large, non-toxic, mineral-rich planet.

In Warcraft II, building that take damage will catch fire, burning non-stop without causing more damage to the building.
Also, pig farms are four times tougher than guard towers.

In Transport Tycoon, an aircraft can circle an airport for months waiting for clearance to land.

I used to have this game called Okage: Shadow King and it was nucking futs, if I do say so myself. It was about this kid who one day was minding his own business when suddenly this thingy burst out of the ground and goes "AHAHAHAHA! I AM THE SHADOW KING! GRRRRRRR!" So the thingy kicks the kid's rear and the kid wakes up the next morning and his sister is only able to talk in pig latin (wtf?). The kid is sent to get a doctor and when he steps outside his shadow is the thingy thing and the kid's like "HOLY CRAP THAT WASN'T A DREAM!" And the thingy says "AHAHAHAHA I AM YOUR SHADOW!" And then some stuff happens that's utterly crazy. The End.

I played that game. It's more zany than he makes out.

...Because if you don't, someone will report you to the mods for trolling. And seriously. Telling ethnic jokes has gotten people banned before. Take it from an old hand who's seen it.

You aren't an old hand.....YOU ONLY STARTED IN JUNE!!!!! B laaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggg!!!!!!!!

In Soul Calibur 2, the women have large breasts, yet there is no gropping attack... I'M CONFUZED!!!!!!

In Soul Calibur 2, the women have large breasts, yet there is no gropping attack... I'M CONFUZED!!!!!!

That's because:
1) The assets of a woman are not weakpoints, therefore there's no need to strike them or touch them.
2) None of the characters are thinking about sex, they're all too busy getting revenge/ self reflecting/ etc.

Bump.

Why are nearly all Army Men games crappy?

Nonsense. In any regular battle (especially boss ones), characters are stabbed, shot, burned, frozen, poisoned, zapped and get planets dropped on their heads. Repeatedly!

It takes all that just to make them lose consciousness.

And Aeris gets stabbed once and she's instantly dead? Hah! I don't believe it.Phantasy Star II. there is One battle where one of your starting characters (Nei) fights her evil clone and dies. however if you manage to beat her clone, she still dies?!?!
Never underestamate the power of the plot device.

then there is CADASH. a coin op game. where if your character dies while simltainously killing the big boss, the games ends with the princess talking to...


NO ONE!

Phantasy Star II. there is One battle where one of your starting characters (Nei) fights her evil clone and dies. however if you manage to beat her clone, she still dies?!?!
Never underestamate the power of the plot device.

then there is CADASH. a coin op game. where if your character dies while simltainously killing the big boss, the games ends with the princess talking to...


NO ONE!

Must...resist..urge..to spout...metaphoric analysis!

In Rome: Total War:

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/8153/03760oc.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

In Rome: Total War:

http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/8153/03760oc.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

I don't get it. :confused:

I don't get it. :confused:
The Senate of Rome is attacking a fleet of Roman ships with the aid of the Greeks. ;)

Phantasy Star II. there is One battle where one of your starting characters (Nei) fights her evil clone and dies. however if you manage to beat her clone, she still dies?!?!
Never underestamate the power of the plot device.

then there is CADASH. a coin op game. where if your character dies while simltainously killing the big boss, the games ends with the princess talking to...


NO ONE!

HELLO I'M PLAYING THROUGH THAT GAME RIGHT NOW THANKS FOR SPOILING IT

The Senate of Rome is attacking a fleet of Roman ships with the aid of the Greeks. ;)

Makes the Iraq War on now seem like the most sensible military move in history.

Medievel: Total War - If you and an Ally attack a province and your ally has a larger force - if you win your ally gets the province - EVEN IF HIS ARMY WAS ROUTED FROM THE BATTLE.

Any C&C style RTS: Yes we always build our armies at the site of the battle.

Hearts of Iron: Routed aircraft can retreat anywhere - even across the entire Pacific ocean.

Advanced Wars(Ithink) You have to take turn and let your enemy get the upper hand.

The world is in peril, yet you can take your sweet time. If it explodes without Mr. Timer, then you progressed too much.

In FFX, you are alone in the main world, yet in battle, your friends appear out of nowhere.

Me: Where'd you come from?
friend: I............don't............know. :) :eek:

In Dragon Quest 3, your dead allies follow you in their coffins.

In Metroid Prime, the space pirates see that you can take out all the regular pirates without difficulty, yet they always send the same amount of the same pirate troopers to fight you.

In the Metroid games, the Metroids see you freeze and kill their friends, yet they still try to attack you in the same predictable fassion. You'd think they'd learn.

PS1. Jedi Power Battles. No. Targeting. At. All. Unless you've played it, you have no idea how frustrating it is to be one hit away from killing Darth Maul only to miss your run-'n-stab by centimeters.

Speaking of which, why is it that in Star Wars games lightsabers don't kill everything in one hit? Unless they block it with another lightsaber of course. I just don't expect people to block lightsabers WITH THEIR HAND. Evil nosensical guards...

Now that I've become the lord, no GOD of loserdom, I'm gonna go eat some cheese.

Well, I suppose that leads into another thing that's pretty rediculous with action combat sci-fi games. How the hell do those robots block a hit? Their arms are just as delicate as every other part of their bodies. How the hell dose lifting them up in front suddenly make them immune to lightsaber strikes?

I haven't played shoot 'em ups in a while, but what was with the enemy guns being the only thing that can get hurt, but only while they're shooting? I'm pretty sure if I was designing an interstellar dreadnought I'd put all the vital systems somewhere that's immune to enemy fire all the time and leave the guns succeptible only if I had to.

The Senate of Rome is attacking a fleet of Roman ships with the aid of the Greeks. ;)

Not to mention the defender's name; 'Numerious' ;)

Not to mention the defender's name; 'Numerious' ;)

Who is outnumered 100:1... :) (And I was the Greeks in that screenshot, NOT the Senate. I have no clue why the Senate declared war on the Romans!)

Who is outnumered 100:1... :) (And I was the Greeks in that screenshot, NOT the Senate. I have no clue why the Senate declared war on the Romans!)
Sometimes the Roman factions go to war with each other. If you are one of the Roman factions, to win, you actually have to eventually go to war with the rest of the Romans and conquer them.
The Julli probably tried to seize power from the Senate.

Sometimes the Roman factions go to war with each other. If you are one of the Roman factions, to win, you actually have to eventually go to war with the rest of the Romans and conquer them.
The Julli probably tried to seize power from the Senate.

And this is the template for modern democracy... :( :(

I haven't played shoot 'em ups in a while, but what was with the enemy guns being the only thing that can get hurt, but only while they're shooting? I'm pretty sure if I was designing an interstellar dreadnought I'd put all the vital systems somewhere that's immune to enemy fire all the time and leave the guns succeptible only if I had to.

Zexaland: That's what happens when you take money out of the military, and put it into Healthcare!

Zexaland's sister: It's a good system! Just give it a chance!

*Zexaland and his sister start fighting.*

Bump.

Bump!!

In the Fire Emblem (the seventh one I mean), when Eliwood promotes from Lord to Knight Lord he suddenly gets a white horse out of nowhere.

In Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones both Eirika and Ephraim spontaneously get a horse between their legs upon promotion.

It doesn't make sense! Where did those horses come from? Who has sent them? How did they suddenly learn how to ride a horse? For that matter, how does Eliwood suddenly know how to use lances?

Now you know why I join Telvanni. ;)

The entire Redoran council living in a giant crab shell was a bit weird, as were the Telvanni mushroom houses.
Well, there is Mistress Therana. She is so stupid!

Advanced Wars(Ithink) You have to take turn and let your enemy get the upper hand.

Welcome to the world of Turn-Based Strategy :rolleyes:

For those of you who ever played Troika's Arcanum.

To become a master pickpocket, you must run around the world's largest city nude as people laugh and criticize you. All for the sake of not feeling bad when you steal their shit.

I think the sheer plot of Evil Genius is awesomely bad. Build a base, hire henchmen, torture superagents. Though it kinda cuts down on my lifegoal though

For those of you who ever played Troika's Arcanum.

To become a master pickpocket, you must run around the world's largest city nude as people laugh and criticize you. All for the sake of not feeling bad when you steal their shit.

Not to mention the stone golems. You think throwing blasting charges at them would reduce it to rubble.

Sometimes the Roman factions go to war with each other. If you are one of the Roman factions, to win, you actually have to eventually go to war with the rest of the Romans and conquer them.
The Julli probably tried to seize power from the Senate.

There are no "Roman factions". Just the "Romans". I play under the Rome: Total Realism version.

Not to mention the stone golems. You think throwing blasting charges at them would reduce it to rubble.

Well, it is magic stone...