NationStates Jolt Archive

My brother recently turned 11. He has a mild case of autism. Nothing that can't be solved with a little speech therapy.

Within the past 3 year though, he's realized something. He discovered that our parents will do practically anything for him so long as he cries enough to do it.

Thus, we have a number of problems.
1. An 11 year old who cries to the point where your ears ring for simple reasons, such as me being in his room
2. His growing stomach
3. His T.V. addiction
4. His denial of everything that doesn't go his way
5. Parents that don't know what to do
6. Parents that won't let me smack him whenever he cries. Not like it makes a difference, he'll just cry harder
7. Anything else related to these problems.

Now, I'm sure this is in no way related to his autism. Because these problems have developed and grown significantly within the past couple years. He's been diagnosed at 2.


What the hell can I do to get this kid to stop crying? It's giving me a headache and I hate this spoiled brat. I can't possibly imagine how this guy is supposed to survive in the real world if he cannot accept that he can't get everything his way. I've pretty much had it with this guy, and my parents aren't helping the least bit. In fact, they're the ones that caused the problem in the first place by not listening to me when I warned them this would happen. Sad, isn't it?

I'll be off to the dentist soon, but when I return I DEMAND answers that will solve this problem in my life! Or at least an amusing debate over why should you guys help me at all.

i'm sure they sell earplugs at any random store, try wal-mart, if he has mild autism, it will never go away, the crying might, but him trying to get his way with your parents wont

Ignore his crying and just keep doing whatever upset him. When his strategy no longer works he'll (hopefully) abandon it.

a simple hint..... duct tape goes over 11-year-old's mouths very well ;)





oh my god that sounded so perverted :eek: :eek: :p






edit: seriously though, i wish i could offer advice... but being an only child i have no experience in these matters

Wow. Sounds like your parents need some help. I think they're letting his autism scare them off of disciplining him as they would, say...you.

Don't get too worked up though...we've all been little shits at some point. Don't be mean to your brother, autism or not. One day he'll grow out of it (sooner than later hopefully), and you don't want to still be in prison by then because you beat him up.

Are we talking mild autism, or something else on the neurodevelopmental spectrum? Like aspergers?

If it is mild autism, you're just gonna need to get a professional in to help out, if your parents can't handle it. Seriously, you need to address this problem fast, cos otherwise his life is gonna be pretty damn crap.

One thing you could try is simply ignoring him whenever he cries, and persuading your parents to do the same. Hopefully soon he'll work out that crying is no way to get attention.

If your parents are really being useless, you need to sit them down and try and get them to address the issue - emphasise the effect its having on your life and the negative impact it will have on his. Try and be calm and make them take you seriously.

Ignore his crying and just keep doing whatever upset him. When his strategy no longer works he'll (hopefully) abandon it.
Well just recently he hit something really hard on the wall when I borrowed his computer (for a minute) when my back was turned to him. And he cried to me "I don't like you! I don't want a brother! I hate you!"

I don't think I'm making progress. But at least he knows how I feel about him.

And I've TRIED to get my parents to address the problem for years and years. They're just ignoring my pleas now.

And what's worse, dad moved out and now acts as if he's been doing a great job as a dad all these years and sucks up to my brother. Making the situation worse.

Are we talking mild autism, or something else on the neurodevelopmental spectrum? Like aspergers?

If it is mild autism, you're just gonna need to get a professional in to help out, if your parents can't handle it. Seriously, you need to address this problem fast, cos otherwise his life is gonna be pretty damn crap.
Agreed. Colodia, I suggest you get in touch with a behavioural therapist or other licensed psychologist (preferably one that specializes in working with children/minors), and ask for advice. Granted, you'll have to convince your parents to allow you to do this, or they do it themselves. However, if your brother continues this way, he will only worsen, and it won't be good for anyone.

One thing you could try is simply ignoring him whenever he cries, and persuading your parents to do the same. Hopefully soon he'll work out that crying is no way to get attention.
While ignoring him may work, it may also cause him to intensify his resolve in getting attention. It may be he's become psychologically dependant upon the levels of attention now given to him due to his misbehaviour.

If your parents are really being useless, you need to sit them down and try and get them to address the issue - emphasise the effect its having on your life and the negative impact it will have on his. Try and be calm and make them take you seriously.
What they said.

Parents who dont know what to do about a difficult unruly child? Tell me about it.

My twin is not autistic (as far as we know) He was caught smoking pot a few weeks ago. House gose quiet for a few days, now everything is the same.

My mum screams at him and then just does what he wants at the end of the day because he's so difficult and moans all the time.

He thinks he's soooo cool, but hes not!!

grrr....

Well when I see mom I'll present the therapist idea to her. Though I don't expect much.

Note, I wouldn't do excessive amounts of turning your back to him either

And I've TRIED to get my parents to address the problem for years and years. They're just ignoring my pleas now.

And what's worse, dad moved out and now acts as if he's been doing a great job as a dad all these years and sucks up to my brother. Making the situation worse.

In this case, I suggest you call around and see if you can get a free, private consultation (at least over the phone), and recommendations. Also, I'd suggest talking to the school counselor at your school (school should be starting back up for you soon, right?), to see if they can help. There are some groups that'll provide free/reduced counseling to preteens/teens that are in need of it, if I recall properly.

Well just recently he hit something really hard on the wall when I borrowed his computer (for a minute) when my back was turned to him. And he cried to me "I don't like you! I don't want a brother! I hate you!"

I don't think I'm making progress. But at least he knows how I feel about him.
Maybe you could put him in situations where he has to hang out with other kids his age. Other 11 year olds will probably not tolerate his crying and he'll have to learn new ways to communicate his displeasure, as well as learn how to accept that he's not the center of the world.

there really isnt anything you can do. your parents need to get some help with an autism expert so they can do better at dealing with his outbursts.

he has a computer? he must have a rather mild case of autism

maybe YOU can find an "alanon" type of group that can help you deal with the extreme frustration of having a bratty brother and clueless parents. (alanon is for the family of alcoholics). the councillor at your highschool might enjoy having a client she can actually help. they do have training for this kind of thing so they might be able to help you out.

with your dad out of the house, its not gonna get better. the guilt of having their darling boy be from a "broken home" will make them even less willing to do what needs to be done to get your brother under some reasonable control.

maybe you can play the guilt card too and get yourself some nice shiny toy that you would otherwise never ever get?

If you have to you may need to bypass your parents. It sounds harsh and maybe a major overreaction, but maybe a teacher at yours or your brothers school can get you some assistance from the Social services (Or US equivalent).

I have Aspergers, which is sometimes considered a less serious form of Autism. My parents definitely didn't know how to deal with me and until I got some teachers seriously worried, my life was pretty damn awful. They called in the Social Services and got me help, which was incredibly useful. So it helps you out, helps your brother out and will certainly help your parents out. If talking with your parents again (persistence is a virtue) doesn't help, say that you may go to someone who can. Grandparents, teachers or whatever.

I agree it depends on the severity of his autism. However, if this child is capable of attending public school, then as a mom of 3 teens, I'd say his whole problem is that he's spoiled and undisciplined. This is very unfortunate because lack of discipline can cause many more problems than simple disobedience. Children gain security and self-confidence by being in a place where expectations are known and consequences are consistent and fair. A child whose parents provide no discipline will frequently grow into an adult who feels his parents didn't care about him at all. I have the strictest house rules in my family, but my nieces and nephews BEG to come here - why? because they know the rules and the rules don't change and they apply to everyone. To a kid, that signifies love, safety and security. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are over 18 I would suggest that you contact your brother's pediatrician and explain the situation to him/her - perhaps your parents might be more willing to listen to the advice of a professional. Autism wreaks havoc with a person's social development. By neglecting this very important part of parenting, your parents are only making his road harder and longer.

Maybe you could put him in situations where he has to hang out with other kids his age. Other 11 year olds will probably not tolerate his crying and he'll have to learn new ways to communicate his displeasure, as well as learn how to accept that he's not the center of the world.

Good Gods, no. That doesn't work. Take it from someone it happened to. It upsets the other kids and it sure as hell will upset your brother. If anything it will make the crying worse.

there really isnt anything you can do. your parents need to get some help with an autism expert so they can do better at dealing with his outbursts.
Yeah. Though how they're going to find one is beyond me.

he has a computer? he must have a rather mild case of autism
He uses it for this stupid reason:
He watches DVD movies he likes (Bad Boys 2, James Bond movies, etc.) and plays over the parts that excite him the most. And I mean it really excites him. Like female-orgasm excitement. He screams and jumps and sometimes repeats the words they say ("N*****, fuck, dammit, shit).

maybe you can play the guilt card too and get yourself some nice shiny toy that you would otherwise never ever get?
That's how I got my PSP. ;)

And I have this thing against going to my school counselors. Used them in middle-school. I hate them, they don't help me out the least bit, and they just tell my parents everything and let them take it from there. Which brings us all back to square one.

And he goes to special-education in a public school. Which doesn't help him the least bit because he picks up annoying habits from them that he finds amusing. Such as perverted stuff. Thankfully they go away...

...Though this one time he picked up how a 1 year old cries and he spent a few good months crying in that manner...just this past year...

i hear you about that coucillor telling your parents thing. the violation of client/therapist confidentiality makes it pretty impossible to be as open as you need to be for it to do any good.

but im thinking that on this one issue, telling your parents would be a good thing. your parents cant hear you, maybe they would take a councillor more seriously. its not what i was suggesting originally but its something yoj might consider

with your brother being in special ed, they may have a legal duty to find an autism expert for him and your parents. warehousing him in a generic special ed probably doesnt meet all their requirements under the law.

you cant fix your brother and you cant change your parents. all you can do is learn to somehow deal with the intense frustration and annoyance of your brothers out of control behavior

that dvd stuff is pretty creepy. i hope they dont escalate it by buying him even more intense movies to obsess over.

*sigh*
Yes, the DVD thing certainly is creepy.

Mom actually tries to solve the problem though.

Last month she made me make the computer not turn on for him. He went on a massive crying campaign. A day later mom told him he'd let him use the computer again if he didn't watch the movies ever again. A day later, he was doing the whole thing again.

(Though that doesn't come close to solving the problem....)

Lock him in a suitcase or Hole of Calcutta and slowly deprive him off oxygen bringing him out every 25 minutes to smack him around with a phone book