NationStates Jolt Archive

Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus. Recently, biblical scholars had a heated debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence:

Evidence Jesus Was Mexican
# His first name was Jesus.
# He was bilingual.
# He was always being harassed by the authorities.

Evidence Jesus Was Black
# He called everybody "brother."
# He liked gospel.
# He couldn't get a fair trial.

Evidence Jesus Was Jewish
# He went into his father's business.
# He lived at home until he was 33.
# He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

Evidence Jesus Was Italian
# He talked with his hands.
# He had wine with every meal.
# He used olive oil.

Evidence Jesus Was A Californian
# He never cut his hair.
# He walked around barefoot.
# He started a new religion.

Evidence Jesus Was Irish
# He never got married.
# He was always telling stories.
# He loved green pastures.

Evidence Jesus Was A Woman
# He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
# He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
# Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.

I WAS going to be a jackass and ask you "Why the hell does it matter?"...but then I laughed. :D

Haha, my favourite is the woman one.

Funny, if stereotypical.

I'm with Rufus, the 13th Apostle. Jesus was black.

Seriously, though, my favorite aspect of this question is how it shreds the Aryan Nation/White Power movement. Jesus couldn't have been as lily-white as all those mouth-breathing, inbred neo-Nazis, and I think on some level, they know that.

It was kinda funny, but not LMAO funny. Overall it was pretty weak. Most of the stereotypes were expected and overused, and there was no real punchline. If you had used some more original stereotypes, I probably would have laughed more.

Funny, if stereotypical.

I'm with Rufus, the 13th Apostle. Jesus was black.

Seriously, though, my favorite aspect of this question is how it shreds the Aryan Nation/White Power movement. Jesus couldn't have been as lily-white as all those mouth-breathing, inbred neo-Nazis, and I think on some level, they know that.
Jay and Silent Bob rule.

Proof Jesus was a Beatle
#He had frends named John and Paul
#Wherever he went, women followed
#He told crazy stories that remotely related to other things

I WAS going to be a jackass and ask you "Why the hell does it matter?"...but then I laughed. :D
Yeah I meant this to have a title like a serious discussion would then surprise people.

Evidence that Jesus was Jewish
1. He was Jewish. There were no Christians or Muslims at the time.
2. His father was Hebrew. By father, I mean Mary's husband.
3. Historians say so.
4. He existed, so therefore, he can be Jewish. Everyone knows that, Religious or not.

Evidence that Jesus was Jewish
1. He was Jewish. There were no Christians or Muslims at the time.
2. His father was Hebrew. By father, I mean Mary's husband.
3. Historians say so.
4. He existed, so therefore, he can be Jewish. Everyone knows that, Religious or not.

Yeah kinda lacks in the rib-tickling department, though dontcha think?

LOL, I got that in an e-mail once. Still funny

Anybody else got some reasons that Jesus was a _______?

Jesus was a homo.
1. He was male and cared about other people.
2. He took a shitload of abuse
3. Come on... Why do you all think those disciples worthshipped the ground he walked on? :p

Evidence that Jesus was Jewish
1. He was Jewish. There were no Christians or Muslims at the time.
2. His father was Hebrew. By father, I mean Mary's husband.
3. Historians say so.
4. He existed, so therefore, he can be Jewish. Everyone knows that, Religious or not.

Did you really not get that this is a joke?

Jesus was a Taco
1. He wanted everyone to partake of his flesh
2. He dripped delicious salsa from the cross
3. He had to deal with alot of pain, just like when you eat a bad taco.

Funny, if stereotypical.

I'm with Rufus, the 13th Apostle. Jesus was black.

Seriously, though, my favorite aspect of this question is how it shreds the Aryan Nation/White Power movement. Jesus couldn't have been as lily-white as all those mouth-breathing, inbred neo-Nazis, and I think on some level, they know that.

There are actually many native white israelites it is possible

Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus. Recently, biblical scholars had a heated debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence:

Evidence Jesus Was Mexican
# His first name was Jesus.
# He was bilingual.
# He was always being harassed by the authorities.

Refutation: Mexicans didn't exist; neither did "Mexico".


Evidence Jesus Was Black
# He called everybody "brother."
# He liked gospel.
# He couldn't get a fair trial.

Not very specific.


Evidence Jesus Was Jewish
# He went into his father's business.
# He lived at home until he was 33.
# He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

Considering he was from Judea; seems likely.


Evidence Jesus Was Italian
# He talked with his hands.
# He had wine with every meal.
# He used olive oil.

Criteria is even more so Greek; than Italian.


Evidence Jesus Was A Californian
# He never cut his hair.
# He walked around barefoot.
# He started a new religion.

California didn't exist.


Evidence Jesus Was Irish
# He never got married.
# He was always telling stories.
# He loved green pastures.

Wrong region.


Evidence Jesus Was A Woman
# He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
# He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
# Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.

Since when were "women" an ethnicity?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humor

^^^^^ Someone here is not getting the sarcasm... or just being funny xD

Refutation: Mexicans didn't exist; neither did "Mexico".



Not very specific.



Considering he was from Judea; seems likely.



Criteria is even more so Greek; than Italian.



California didn't exist.



Wrong region.



Since when were "women" an ethnicity?

10-4 10-4 we have a serious case of Polio-up-ass-holiosus we'll need to bring in the truckers for this removal job!

Mainstream Christianity has the representation of Jesus completely wrong. They see him as being pale/white, brown-haired, and blue-eyed. Because of where he was born, he most likly had short, curly, black hair; brown eyes, squat face, and tan weathered skin. His rough apperance would have been due to him being a carpenter.

Anyway, this is a funny post.

Jay and Silent Bob rule.
Dogma, best film ever.

There are actually many native white israelites it is possible

They may be now, but not 2000 years ago before the mingling of the human population.

Mainstream Christianity has the representation of Jesus completely wrong. They see him as being pale/white, brown-haired, and blue-eyed. Because of where he was born, he most likly had short, curly, black hair; brown eyes, squat face, and tan weathered skin. His rough apperance would have been due to him being a carpenter.

Anyway, this is a funny post.

Agreed; or more likely, see what modern day Eatern Med. people look like, amongst the Greek islands (including Crete).

Curly hair is up for debate; but the rest seems highly acurate.