NationStates Jolt Archive

Over the past couple of years, I've heard quite a few people argue that BDSM is fundamentally wrong, perverted, unnatural, or evil - often people who otherwise seem accepting of alternative lifestyles. I'm curious how one would justify this standpoint. If we assume that both parties (just for the sake of simplicity, let's avoid non-monogamous relationships in this particular discussion) are consenting adults aware of what they're getting into, is there still something wrong (morally, psychologically, or otherwise) with BDSM relationships in general, or even just with the most extreme 24/7 Master/slave relationships? And if so, what, and why?

I'm sure it has some long term psychological affects (specifically in the 24/7 case, which however, there are none that are by consent), but as there is no such thing as "evil" and as everyone is entitled to their own thing so long as it is consentual, the answer is obviously no.

I'm sure it has some long term psychological affects (specifically in the 24/7 case, which however, there are none that are by consent), but as there is no such thing as "evil" and as everyone is entitled to their own thing so long as it is consentual, the answer is obviously no.

Did you mean to say that there are no consensual 24/7 M/s relationships? I'm a little confused.

I'm also curious what you think the long-term psychological effects might be.

My girlfriend and I both "switch" roles every so often, and we only will participate in BDSM until one of us says "blackbird" (our safeword). My girlfriend is kind of like a "dog" when we're doing BDSM stuff, (I have a far different role when I am the sub. >>;;), but I never physically harm her and I most certainly would not ever abuse my girlfriend or degrade her when we are outside of our BDSM world (she will be my future wife, as well ^^). Even in BDSM there is a degree of kindness between us, and we have signed a contract promising what we will and will not do.

Therefore, I see nothing wrong with BDSM, provided that you, when not engaging in it, treat your partner with the utmost respect, as well as respect their limits and right to say "stop" (in our case, 'blackbird' ((yeah, it's fucking goofy)) ) when engaging in BDSM.

BDSM is good.

Now, lick my boots, maggot! Every last centimeter of their glistening leather surface... or do you want the paddle instead? Yes, little wastes of skin like you just love to get the paddle, don't they? Yeah, you do. That's why you can't have it! Now lick those boots, you freak! Lick them!

BDSM is good.

Now, lick my boots, maggot! Every last centimeter of their glistening leather surface... or do you want the paddle instead? Yes, little wastes of skin like you just love to get the paddle, don't they? Yeah, you do. That's why you can't have it! Now lick those boots, you freak! Lick them!

I tend to be a lot more sweet when doing BDSM stuff, but hey, to each their own... ^^;;

It's only fun to be dominated if it's pretend.

*Share Time!!!* Seriously, this is TMI under all circumstances, but it's relevant. So...










I like to be called names. I really don't see myself finding that hot if I were to have low self-esteem or think little of myself. I don't think many prostitutes get off on being called whores.

I tend to be a lot more sweet when doing BDSM stuff, but hey, to each their own... ^^;;

Not everyone likes their masters to be sweet. I'm not that much into BDSM, but the times I've tried it, I've liked relentlessness. The insults, I don't like, though. It should be more physical than verbal, IMHO.

I like to be called names. I really don't see myself finding that hot if I were to have low self-esteem or think little of myself. I don't think many prostitutes get off on being called whores.

Names that are demeaning or names that are abusive?

*cracks infamous whip*

Well, let's find out.....

;)

Not everyone likes their masters to be sweet. I'm not that much into BDSM, but the times I've tried it, I've liked relentlessness. The insults, I don't like, though. It should be more physical than verbal, IMHO.

I generally focus more on the dominance/humiliation aspects when I'm the dom, as I don't enjoy insulting my girlfriend, and would never physically harm her. But, in any case, it depends on what physical punishments you try. For instance, paddles are fine, but using whips and/or needles is going much too far. (Unless your partner really, really enjoys that. Then hey, as long as it doesn't hurt them badly, go for it.)

Names that are demeaning or names that are abusive?Define your terms for me.

Names that are demeaning or names that are abusive?

It all depends on the person.

For instance, seeing as how my girlfriend roleplays as a dog when I am the master/Daddy, I call her a dog, but it is certainly not in an insulting way, as it is merely a matter of fact and I take very good care of her. I do not think of my girlfriend as an animal I can kick around, in fact I highly respect what she wants and am willing to bend over backwards to make her happy.

In some cases, the sub is more in control than the dom. ^_^;;

It's only fun to be dominated if it's pretend.

*Share Time!!!* Seriously, this is TMI under all circumstances, but it's relevant. So...










I like to be called names. I really don't see myself finding that hot if I were to have low self-esteem or think little of myself. I don't think many prostitutes get off on being called whores.

To what degree do things have to be pretend?

I understand what you mean about name-calling - names that hit too close to home sort of stop being sexy and start being hurtful. Been there, done that. But do all aspects of the relationship need to be rooted in some form of make-believe, or can one really consider oneself to be another's property (for example)?

I generally focus more on the dominance/humiliation aspects when I'm the dom, as I don't enjoy insulting my girlfriend, and would never physically harm her. But, in any case, it depends on what physical punishments you try. For instance, paddles are fine, but using whips and/or needles is going much too far. (Unless your partner really, really enjoys that. Then hey, as long as it doesn't hurt them badly, go for it.)

Oh, I don't mean physical as in pain/beating or really hurting. I'm more into "rough" treatment, like restraining, or overbearing, almost as if I were attacked by an assailant who wished to force me to do something I don't want to do (but that I do).

Quite vanilla for BDSM, yes, but I'm content.

Only when midgets are involved.

As long as it's consensual, i have no problem with it. I can only see problems in the chance of death during some of these acts. i remember some act involving cutting off air and then returning it at the last moment.

To what degree do things have to be pretend?

I understand what you mean about name-calling - names that hit too close to home sort of stop being sexy and start being hurtful. Been there, done that. But do all aspects of the relationship need to be rooted in some form of make-believe, or can one really consider oneself to be another's property (for example)?It was so hot to hear my ex call me names or hurt me, cause that was the total opposite of how he acted the rest of the time. He was totally the sweetest guy ever, so it was uber-sexy. It was all fake. I knew that, he knew that... I just like to hear the words and be hurt a little. Pretend forced sex is fun too.

As long as it's between two consenting adults (or, as case might be, between two consenting minors - but never between adult and minor) and safe words and safe sex are a must, it's fine with me.

Oh, I don't mean physical as in pain/beating or really hurting. I'm more into "rough" treatment, like restraining, or overbearing, almost as if I were attacked by an assailant who wished to force me to do something I don't want to do (but that I do).

Quite vanilla for BDSM, yes, but I'm content.

A good paddle spanking is actually nice one in a while, provided you only paddle a few times. I really enjoy the handcuff/restraint aspects of BDSM, as well as full-body latex and that sort of thing. I guess I'd call myself kinky without being sadistic or masochistic. Also, my girlfriend and I are both into Infantilism (damn, how lucky can you get? x_x)

We just love each other and like doing this a good deal of the time we're alone, but NOT 24/7.

Define your terms for me.

Are the names such that they leave you fealing demeaned/devalued/degraded or do they leave you feeling abused/violated?

As long as it's consensual, i have no problem with it. I can only see problems in the chance of death during some of these acts. i remember some act involving cutting off air and then returning it at the last moment

You're thinking of erotic asphixation (I hope I spelled that right). Some people get off on that. Others don't. What someone does in the privacy of their own bedroom between two consenting adults is just fine. Everyone needs a little spice in their relationship. Now if I could just find a Good Master or Mistress to instruct me, I'd be a happy person.

Are the names such that they leave you fealing demeaned/devalued/degraded or do they leave you feeling abused/violated?

I find this to be quite the interesting subject. Just as a question, not as any kind of value judgment, what names would you deem particularly wrong or offensive/abusive?

It's all fun and games until the GF wraps you in Saran Wrap and pulls out a sharp knife and then throws your ass to the ground and starts doing ungodly things without consent and even when you tell her to stop.

It's all fun and games until the GF wraps you in Saran Wrap and pulls out a sharp knife and then throws your ass to the ground and starts doing ungodly things without consent and even when you tell her to stop.

I think if you got to know someone enough (which you SHOULD do with regards to BDSM), you would realize someone is that fucked-up. Stop making judgments on something you don't understand.

I find this to be quite the interesting subject. Just as a question, not as any kind of value judgment, what names would you deem particularly wrong or offensive/abusive?

I suppose I would put words like "whore, slut, faggot, cocksucker" under the "demeaning" heading, while words that are like "piece of shit, cum rag, worthless [insert racial slur]" under "abusive".

I suppose that I find the sexually demeaning words more acceptable, for me, than I do those other words that just are wounding and reflect other values than sexual ones.

I was saying they can do it but all parties should go into it wary of the risk.

I think if you got to know someone enough (which you SHOULD do with regards to BDSM), you would realize someone is that fucked-up. Stop making judgments on something you don't understand.


Gee hmm something I don't understand. DUH It happened to me like that. I was with her for over a year and then one night she sprang that on me with no warning what so ever. That's the reason I left her.

I suppose I would put words like "whore, slut, faggot, cocksucker" under the "demeaning" heading, while words that are like "piece of shit, cum rag, worthless [insert racial slur]" under "abusive".

I'd tend to agree with that.

The most demeaning things I call my girlfriend are "dog" and "naughty bitch" (the latter is usually accompanied by fits of giggling from both of us, anyway.)

I would pretty much agree with everything on your list except for cocksucker,which can take on a sexy tone with us. ^^;; x_x;

A question:

A couple of people now have said things like "BDSM is great as long as it's not 24/7." Is this a matter of principle or of taste? In other words, do people feel that a 24/7 D/s relationship is somehow unhealthy, or just that it's not their own cup of tea?

Gee hmm something I don't understand. DUH It happened to me like that. I was with her for over a year and then one night she sprang that on me with no warning what so ever. That's the reason I left her.

And you're using that as a value judgment on all BDSM? The girl was a fucking psychopath. Doesn't mean all people into BDSM are like that.

Trust me, I've had my share of psycho girlfriends and boyfriends (I'm a guy, bisexual). It's just normal.

It's all fun and games until the GF wraps you in Saran Wrap and pulls out a sharp knife and then throws your ass to the ground and starts doing ungodly things without consent and even when you tell her to stop.
I sincerely hope that wasn't personal experience, comrade!

As for the thread subject: BDSM isn't my thing. But hey, I have no problem with others doing it. I know I have my own sexual quirks! :fluffle:

And you're using that as a value judgment on all BDSM? The girl was a fucking psychopath. Doesn't mean all people into BDSM are like that.

Trust me, I've had my share of psycho girlfriends and boyfriends (I'm a guy, bisexual). It's just normal.


I never passed judgement so please do not make assumptions. I'm sure under the right circumstances it probably would be alot different. Now I'm just not sure I'd ever even give it a try.

A question:

A couple of people now have said things like "BDSM is great as long as it's not 24/7." Is this a matter of principle or of taste? In other words, do people feel that a 24/7 D/s relationship is somehow unhealthy, or just that it's not their own cup of tea?

Well, it's personally not my cup of tea. However, I my girlfriend and I get pretty close to being that way. Hell, we can be involved in this for three days at a time, then take a break for two days only to go right back after that. That's generally how it is. ^^;;;

However, some people can certainly express their love in a 24/7 BDSM relationship. However, if it is all about degrading your partner, and not about love, respect and being a good dom/sub for your partner, something is most likely wrong (In the area of a 24/7 BDSM lifestyle.)

I sincerely hope that wasn't personal experience, comrade!

As for the thread subject: BDSM isn't my thing. But hey, I have no problem with others doing it. I know I have my own sexual quirks! :fluffle:


Yes comrade twas a very personal experience, but like someone said she was a PSYCHOPATH. Like you, I say to each there own. If someone is happy with something then more power to them. I myself just don't think I have it in me and neither does my new girlfriend.

:p Anyway you all have a very good evening and or day depending on where you live in this world. Stay happy and free :)

*goes back to editing* :headbang:

Hey, I'm bored, you're all probably bored, let's shake things up a little bit.

If you'd like to tell about the BDSM life you share with your dom/sub. Go right ahead and say what you enjoy, I don't get weirded out easily. :p

I do not think it is normal. But those who do it, should be allowed to because it isn't any of my business. So yes, a libertarian point of view. Let me explain why I disapprove of it.. isn't sex supposed to be a mutual thing between two loving individuals? How is BDSM mutual? Well at least to me it isn't. I don't feel there is decency in one person having (almost or complete) total control over another.

I don't do any of that shit, but truly consenting adults should be able to in private, or around other adult parties if both the watchers and participants consent

No, I just find it a bit weird. Whatever lights your lemon, as long as it won't get you thrown in jail.

Not for me, though I might give some light stuff a try to start and see how it went if the chick I was with was into it. Not 24/7 though. So basically, not my cup of tea but i'm not gonna stop anyone doing it.
Anyway, the point of my posting is actually to ask;

What does the B stand for?

Not for me, though I might give some light stuff a try to start and see how it went if the chick I was with was into it. Not 24/7 though. So basically, not my cup of tea but i'm not gonna stop anyone doing it.
Anyway, the point of my posting is actually to ask;

What does the B stand for?

BDSM= Bondage, Dominance and Submission, Sado/Masochism

It is definitely a consensual, mutual thing. Both the top and the bottom agree to the conditions of the thing beforehand. If you run in there without talking and agreeing about stuff first it's not happy. Having a safe word, even if it's not used very often (if ever), guarantees that everyone is pleased with what's going on - and if they're not they can put a stop to it. If your partner ignores the safe word, that's something you can put them in jail for once you do get out of the situation.

The main reason you don't do it 24/7 is that when you put on the role of master or slave, that's what it is. A role. You can't be that person all the time... but even if you do it 23/6 (or whatever) comfortably, you still get the break to be 'you' again. A really good way to do that is to have a specific thing be your 'on' switch. Like... when you put on this collar both people take up their parts, or when you put on this bracelet or put your hair in this certain way, so that it's always very clear when/where/how/what is going on and how the relationship is working at the current moment.

I personally think it works best in a monogamous relationship, cause there's a WHOLE HELL OF A LOT OF TRUST that's needed for something like that - you don't just pick up a master - or a pet for that matter - from a streetcorner. Well, unless you're very good at juditso or something. :P

I'm rambling I think...

No fucking way my dear friend

Its most definatly not evil, more of a great turn on :)

Sadly my current gf isnt in to it at all :/

Each to their own - for us, we love it. And the common perception of who is really in charge is totally wrong (or should be, at least). Any Dom(me) who doesn't respect the limits discussed beforehand with the sub is irresponsible at the least.... the Dom(me) merely excercises the power and trust given by the sub.

Oh, and BDSM is a compound acronym = Bondage & Discipline, Domination & Submission, Sadism & Masochism.