NationStates Jolt Archive

Hidden demons that wail and bite

Enticing you to fill with fright

Lanky skeletons and zombies too

Lurk in the graveyard and hunt for you

Angels of death stalk in silence

Waiting in shadows with thoughts of violence

And don't forget the hounds of Hell

Impatiently waiting the stroke of twelve

To drag you down to Satins gates

Stand guard, cuz Hell awaits



What do u think?

1. Don't post people's names without their permission.
2. It sounds like middle school poetry, with the spelling to boot.

Hidden demons that wail and bite

Enticing you to fill with fright

Lanky skeletons and zombies too

Lurk in the graveyard and hunt for you

Angels of death stalk in silence

Waiting in shadows with thoughts of violence

And don't forget the hounds of Hell

Impatiently waiting the stroke of twelve

To drag you down to Satins gates

Stand guard, cuz Hell awaits

By Tarena Blevins

What do u think?
It would be more affecting if you edited for spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Also, is that your friend's real full name? Do they know you're giving it away on the internet?

1. Don't post people's names without their permission.
2. It sounds like middle school poetry, with the spelling to boot.
1. Agreed.
2. Most middle schoolers in my area (ALABAMA!) can write a poem with less cliches than this. Spelling, however, I'm not so sure about!

it is a middle school person

it is a middle school person
6th or 7th grade, then?


I hate to be insulting, but this is pretty basic. If your friend is into dark (gothic?) poetry, then they're taking a step in the right direction, though. They'll need to expand their vocabulary. For a school assignment, however, it would most definitely suffice.


EDIT: I'm being somewhat harsh because this board is harsh. If you want a supportive enviorment for young poets, you are most definitely at the wrong place.

Hidden demons that wail and bite

Enticing you to fill with fright

Lanky skeletons and zombies too

Lurk in the graveyard and hunt for you

Angels of death stalk in silence

Waiting in shadows with thoughts of violence

And don't forget the hounds of Hell

Impatiently waiting the stroke of twelve

To drag you down to Satins gates

Stand guard, cuz Hell awaits



What do u think?
I'm distracted by bite/fright, too/you, silence/violence, gates/awaits.
The fact that Hell/twelve don't rhyme is slightly distracting too...in light of all the other couplets, but Hell/twelve is more annoying...


...also, and this is just my opinion, but "What do u think?" is a pretty shitty last line for a poem...[/sarcasm]

I'm distracted by bite/fright, too/you, silence/violence, gates/awaits.
The fact that Hell/twelve don't rhyme is slightly distracting too...in light of all the other couplets, but Hell/twelve is more annoying...
Slant rhymes are acceptable... in high-quality poetry which is deep and metaphoric and overall beautifully written.

Not that all the poetry here (http://www.unblogged.net/index.php?n=9) is necessarily good, but I really like Justin's poems...

Slant rhymes are acceptable... in high-quality poetry which is deep and metaphoric and overall beautifully written.
Hell/twelve is hardly a slant rhyme...and either way, the rhyme should be significant...not just because it's the end of the line. Rhyme and poetry don't go hand in hand...

I wrote a poem, too.

Darkness falls across the land
The midnite hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’awl’s neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse’s shell
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzy ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

I wrote a poem, too.

Darkness falls across the land
The midnite hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize y’awl’s neighbourhood
And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse’s shell
The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzy ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

I haven't read all the way through this, but I want to point something out for Zotona. In this poem, blood/neighbourhood is NOT a rhyme, but found/down is a SLANT rhyme.

Hell/twelve is hardly a slant rhyme...and either way, the rhyme should be significant...not just because it's the end of the line. Rhyme and poetry don't go hand in hand...
Don't even attempt to tell me what poetry is and is not, Gigi. That is a subject which am am very knowledgeable about.

Don't even attempt to tell me what poetry is and is not, Gigi. That is a subject which am am very knowledgeable about.
Then I don't need to tell you that just because every couplet is a rhyming couplet doesn't mean the poem is good. In my opinion, in the first poem, it is wholey distracting...I found myself getting caught on those words instead of letting those words tie the two lines together (which is the function of a rhyme)...

Then I don't need to tell you that just because every couplet is a rhyming couplet doesn't mean the poem is good. In my opinion, in the first poem, it is wholey distracting...I found myself getting caught on those words instead of letting those words tie the two lines together (which is the function of a rhyme)...
I am well aware of the fact that neither poem is high-quality. See my previous posts. However, if this is relating to a school assignment... I think they'll get a passing grade on 'em. At least, that would've worked in my public middle school.


For the poster of this thread, this ought to help you with some good, substantial poetry: http://shadowpoetry.com/

I am well aware of the fact that neither poem is high-quality.

I think you are reading mine out of context. First, read it in a real creepy voice, and then maybe imagine some dancing zombies.

Really, try it out.

For the poster of this thread, this ought to help you with some good, substantial poetry: http://shadowpoetry.com/
You know...when I saw that URL and it said "shadowpoetry," I was kind of skeptical, but I clicked it anyway...now...the poem on the front page has the phrase "rhyming scheme" in it...so I'm not exactly going to consider that "substatial" poetry...because any one that knows anything about good poetry knows that a good poem doesn't have to rhyme, it can rhyme, and can not rhyme...it doesn't matter, so long as the poet's choice on whether or not to make the poem rhyme is significant to the actual poem...

For some poets, rhyme scheme is just a way for them to know what the next line needs to end with...and that helps them BS the other syllables...

I think you are reading mine out of context. First, read it in a real creepy voice, and then maybe imagine some dancing zombies.

Really, try it out.
Man, I didn't even read it. Now I must laugh (at myself, though your response is pretty good). :p

You know...when I saw that URL and it said "shadowpoetry," I was kind of skeptical, but I clicked it anyway...now...the poem on the front page has the phrase "rhyming scheme" in it...so I'm not exactly going to consider that "substatial" poetry...because any one that knows anything about good poetry knows that a good poem doesn't have to rhyme, it can rhyme, and can not rhyme...it doesn't matter, so long as the poet's choice on whether or not to make the poem rhyme is significant to the actual poem...

For some poets, rhyme scheme is just a way for them to know what the next line needs to end with...and that helps them BS the other syllables...
Shadowpoetry is a very good source which teaches the very basic concept of multiple types of poetry, and as you know, not all (in fact, very few) are based solely on rhyme schemes.

Do not dismiss an entire genre of poetry. There are many rhyming poems which are well-written. Of course, many are just mildly amusing children's rhymes, but those have their place as well.