NationStates Jolt Archive

Here are some annoying things in video games that keep popping up, feel free to add our own.

1) Irrational healing items-medikits, food, etc. just lying around or surrended by enemies or pink heart or dinner meal items that somehow reverse the effects of bullets, etc. "Yeah, pal, you keep shooting that Uzi. I have a roast beef here that says you don't have enough bullets in that thing to kill my hungry ass!"

2) Smashable crates-I'm watching you, Crash Bandicoot!

3) Explosive barrels-What ARE they filled with, anyway? Petrol? Nitro?

4) Key items such as keys (D'uh!) protected by traps/puzzles/"dead" enemies-This cliche` is very prevalent in adventure and survival horror games.

5) The most poweful weapons always having the lest ammo and/or protected (see above)-The BFG in Doom or the Rifle in Silent Hill 2 good example of this.

6) Main hero trying to save/avenge girlfriend/father/family/wife/friends/master/society/self/etc.-Shemue, Halo, Half Life, Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, etc.

Why the hell do random monsters in the middle of nowhere carry 242 gold and a Potion?

I hate Medic items in some games that are randomly lieing around.
I hate Keys that just happen to be on the ground for a stage in the game in the distant future.-isnt it a bit conveniant?

Why the hell do random monsters in the middle of nowhere carry 242 gold and a Potion?

Especially skeletons and zombies, for that matter. Wtf.

The fact that you are the only creature in all of existance capable of stopping some catastrophe/villain/monster/etc, when I'm fairly sure there has to be at least ONE other person in the Universe just as capable, if not more so.

Having to save that mission critical civilian who walks so gods damned slow that the slowest zombie, drunk and full on human gore, could race by him. And they never fight back. Ever.

Especially skeletons and zombies, for that matter. Wtf.

The fact that you are the only creature in all of existance capable of stopping some catastrophe/villain/monster/etc, when I'm fairly sure there has to be at least ONE other person in the Universe just as capable, if not more so.

Having to save that mission critical civilian who walks so gods damned slow that the slowest zombie, drunk and full on human gore, could race by him. And they never fight back. Ever.
And you know what I hate?

Fucking FENCES!


I'm the Earth's ONLY goddamn chance for survival. And the only thing that can stop me on my path to heroism is a FENCE!

"Level 89 Wolf? No problem!"
"A fence? Oh shit, let's turn around you guys!"

Why the hell do random monsters in the middle of nowhere carry 242 gold and a Potion?

A better question would be why they don't USE THEM. When a monster carrying a potion is near dead, why doesn't it just use it?

There's a secret behind that waterfall.

A better question would be why they don't USE THEM. When a monster carrying a potion is near dead, why doesn't it just use it?

I always wondered why the monsters didn't just pool all the money they seem to have and buy some freaking decent weapons or armor. "Nah, I think I will keep it in my pocket and look at it. Oooh, pretty."

And you know what I hate?

Fucking FENCES!


I'm the Earth's ONLY goddamn chance for survival. And the only thing that can stop me on my path to heroism is a FENCE!

"Level 89 Wolf? No problem!"
"A fence? Oh shit, let's turn around you guys!"

LOL..Or the inability to jump in a lot of RPGs. What the hell! "Look, I can summon Cthulu to do my bidding, and 10,000 incubi to be my pleasure slaves, but that 3 foot gap..fuck that, man. I can't get over that. Look's like we all have to go home." Or the fact that some enemies can keep on coming at you, despite taking 14 shots to the head with a fucking rocket launcher. 'Scuse me, but if I shoot someone in the head with an armour piercing round, let alone a rocket launcher, they damned well better be going down. If they don't, I'm hauling ass out of there, and fuck what others say about that.

I always wondered why, if the monsters have all this gold, they didn't just pool it and buy some freaking decent weapons or armor. "Nah, I think I will keep it in my pocket and look at it. Oooh, pretty."

And how DID the monsters such as wolves, spiders, cyclops, etc. manage to get all that gold anyway? :confused:

And DID the monsters such as wolves, spiders, cyclops, etc. manage to get all that gold anyway?

*lonely human walks up to a dark cave, and looks a bit nervous*H-hello? Is this the Lair of the Dark Beast? *burly voice*Who dares disturb my slumber? Human:..Tis I..Leopold The Great..And I seek your service. Dark Beast: What do you wish? Leopold: Well...I..I heard that you will...ah...um...y'know..."service"...people...and..I..was..feeling kinda..y'know..lonely...Dark Beast: Yes..and my price is 50 gold an hour. Leopold: Agreed! Dark Beast: Good, now hurry it up.

Sadly, that is what I pictured when you said that.

*lonely human walks up to a dark cave, and looks a bit nervous*H-hello? Is this the Lair of the Dark Beast? *burly voice*Who dares disturb my slumber? Human:..Tis I..Leopold The Great..And I seek your service. Dark Beast: What do you wish? Leopold: Well...I..I heard that you will...ah...um...y'know..."service"...people...and..I..was..feeling kinda..y'know..lonely...Dark Beast: Yes..and my price is 50 gold an hour. Leopold: Agreed! Dark Beast: Good, now hurry it up.

Sadly, that is what I pictured when you said that.

What ARE you talking about? SPEAK ENGLISH. :confused:

Sadly, that is what I pictured when you said that.

I have to admit, that's the first thing I imagined, too. Maybe that guy's right when he says these games affect a person...

There's a secret behind that waterfall.

Yes, there HAS been some of that, but not so much anymore.

What ARE you talking about? SPEAK ENGLISH. :confused:

*sighs* The monsters whore themselves.

*sighs* The monsters whore themselves.

.................Ewwwwwww!

A gun powerful enough to destroy an entire room... (Almost every classic FPS)

A gun powerful enough to destroy an entire room... (Almost every classic FPS)

And yet, you still have to get that Key in the Lair of Great Evil, surrounded by the Villianous Creature of Loathesome Hatred and its Henchmen, instead of blowing up the bloody door.

You can kill the same enemy a hundred times, but your rocket launcher never damages your teammates. (Medal of Honor and other FPS's)

Grenade lands at the feet of bad guy, room gets redecorated. Grenade lands at the feet of you, and you get some minor burns. And perhaps an itch.

Why are there always so many doors that lead absolutely nowhere?

Guns that float and rotate in mid-air. What's up with that?

Find me a game set in modern-times that doesn't have a crate OR a barrel of some kind in it and I'll give you a pizza.

Why does eating food in certain games mysteriously heal your bullet wounds?

Apparently when you've just received a shotgun blast to the torso you can still run, jump, swim and dance as though nothing ever happened. I think I'll go play with a shotgun now!

How comes it's always me that has to save the world? Can't somebody with some military training, who already has some guns, and knows where he's going do it instead?

Why do people with military training, better guns, and a good sense of direction always die quicker than I do?

According to the game universe, we can run forever without ever getting tired. Cool, huh?

In times of RPG fantasy, people were glued to the floor and could never take their feet from it. To, say, get down a three foot drop instead of finding a ramp down three miles away.

Aliens -- ALWAYS evil, genocidal maniacs who hate YOU most of all.

In a lot of RPGs, you're not only responsible for your own wardrobe, but you can tell all your friends what to wear as well.

Primitive as medieval technology is, they've seemed to universally developed teleportation.

Go ahead, smash all those pots. Not only willthe people who own the house forgive you, but they'll let you keep all the rupees you find, too.

Also, any window or glass ceiling near an important object is going to rudely intruded through by an enemy (think Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Cold Fear, most survival horror games).

Also, any window or glass ceiling near an important object is going to rudely intruded through by an enemy (think Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Cold Fear, most survival horror games).

Oh, yeah. Glass is always invincible, unless the plot calls for it to be breakable (the notable exception to this being Syphon Filter).

And how come in every RPG you can walk into people's houses and they just ignore you the entire time? Sometimes they even have casual talk with the STRANGER that just walked in!

"Sleep on my bed and rest? SURE!"


And I always wondered whether my characters liked sleeping in the nude.

And do they ever change the sheets in the Inns? Or do they just say "Well fuck that they're our only customers anyway and they come in every goddamn day"

And how come in every RPG you can walk into people's houses and they just ignore you the entire time? Sometimes they even have casual talk with the STRANGER that just walked in!

"Sleep on my bed and rest? SURE!"


And I always wondered whether my characters liked sleeping in the nude.

And do they ever change the sheets in the Inns? Or do they just say "Well fuck that they're our only customers anyway and they come in every goddamn day"

In Baldur's Gate, they'd get pised if you broke into a house (Some houses were locked, and you had to actually force the lock), and/or steal things, which made things more interesting.

But no, I don't think they ever do clean those rooms.

Here are some annoying things in video games that keep popping up, feel free to add our own.

1) Irrational healing items-medikits, food, etc. just lying around or surrended by enemies or pink heart or dinner meal items that somehow reverse the effects of bullets, etc. "Yeah, pal, you keep shooting that Uzi. I have a roast beef here that says you don't have enough bullets in that thing to kill my hungry ass!"

LMAO! You hit the nail right on the head with that one. I think it used to be worse, back in the day, eg. Wolfenstein 3D, Rise of the Triad. Medpacks are sort of understandable, but a warm chicken dinner ain't gonna do shit for that sucking chest wound.

In Baldur's Gate, they'd get pised if you broke into a house (Some houses were locked, and you had to actually force the lock), and/or steal things, which made things more interesting.

But no, I don't think they ever do clean those rooms.
In FF7, I walked into Tifa's house and SWIPED her underwear! :eek:

But no, I don't think they ever do clean those rooms.

God the UV light tells all there...

In FF7, I walked into Tifa's house and SWIPED her underwear! :eek:

Is "Swiped" a code word? :p

If you have computer controlled team mates, the enemy will always have (in any combination) 1) More of them. 2) Better intelligent ones. 3) More firepower. Seriously, cut the hero some slack, at times.

What's up with the unbreakable glass? Walk into a room with a pistol in hand, feelin a bit trigger happy and see the nice, shiny window, so you shoot it. Nothing happens. Well fuck, let's break out the shotgun! Shoot the window....Nothing happens. Time to break out the RPG! Shoot the window....Nothing happens.

Along the same lines, it seems that walls and windows have the ability to heal themselves, or regenerate shot off material! Take a machine gun, shoot your name into the wall.....And watch it disappear like nothing had happened!

And the people you kill in almost every game! The bodies disappear... Shoot a guy, he drops to the ground.... Body disappears. I tell ya, if I shot a guy and he disappeared after being killed I'd get the hell outta there! Or in games such as FF7 or any other similar RPG, you kill the monster...and it's body will vanish into thin air!

Similar to that, why do some enemies suddenly explode?! "Yes! I finally beat you evil Zephiron! Woah! What the hell is that?! He's freakin exploding!" Strangely, in some video games, the organic enemies seem to be filled with time bombs attached to the heart, once the heart stops beating, they explode...

And in some games, what's up with the finding of weapons in cardboard boxes and wooden crates?! Who the hell would hide an RPG inside a god damn box in the middle of a hotel room?! Or cram a giant long sword in a tiny ass wooden crate in a post office? Or how in God's name do you fit the damn thing in there?!

I hate how many games make you save the whole friggen world/galaxy/universe all by yourself. Even in games with teammates, like Call of Duty, you're basically doing the whole thing solo anyway. I wish the AI coders would get on the ball... :rolleyes:

alright guys, someone has to defend the pathetic programmers who make these games. First of all, in regards to the, "why is it always me?" thing: because if it's not you, then it's called a movie, you know, what you pay 7.50 for to go see at the movies... Secondly, bad guys have money because they kill other adventurers/merchants and take the shiniest things they have, and since most rpgs with monsters are set in medieval times, people have gold, and gold is shiny. The reason these monsters don't spend the money is because a)They're dumb, I mean, if they're stupid enough to take on the hero of the game, then I'm sure they don't understand the concept of currency. b) You don't know if they spend the money, maybe those items that you get from badguys are the things they buy (this is only possible for the intelligent baddies). and c) (the most prevalent) WHO THE HELL WOULD SELL SOMETHING TO A MONSTER? That would go something like this... (oh, for effect you should read this part out loud in a dumb ogreish voice)
Monster: Huwwo... me grompk... me want shiny armor... me have shiny gold coins.
Merchant:AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! A MONSTER!!!! (runs away)
Next topic: Why does food heal you?
Answer: I can't find any good reason for that, except maybe that your mom really was right... maybe you need all your vitamins... next time you get eviscerated by a pike, try some protein instead of calling 911 or saying your prayers, you never know, maybe it'll just seal shut... By the way, my favorite ridiculous way of healing is in "Oddworld, the Wrath of Stranger", he has an ability called "shake it off" which includes depleting your stamina gauge by convulsing and flailing wildly which quite obviously has healing properties. Alright, as for the whole, why don't people get mad at me for entering their houses thing, there are several good answers. In some games, (I believe this was mentioned for Baldur's Gate) it is frowned upon, the perfect example of this is in Fable, you get a bounty on your head for entering someone's home without permission... or they fall in love with you... one or the other. However in most rpgs the reason that you can go into peoples houses is that a village would be very boring and lame if there were like 2 enterable houses in each village. So do everyone a favor, while your everyday run-of-the-mill farmer turned superhero fights the most powerful demon in the world with a sword that shouldn't exist, in a place that was thought to have been destroyed, all of this being in the future after having been teleported via some random stuffed animal, don't question why you can enter someone's house without incurring their wrath. I just love these questions, now there is a concept that is taught in most highschool english classes called "suspension of disbelief", this calls for (strangely enough) the... suspension... of... disbelief. Don't question why the big evil invincibly powerful guy doesn't kill you while you're still level one, knowing that you're a threat, instead of throwing increasingly more powerful enemies at you with the almost expressed purpose of giving experience to your character. Just go with it, a videogame is a story that you play, it's not real, so don't contrast its small little quirks with reality while you fight a dragon. All in all, I'm not saying that the like 7000 questions that were asked weren't funny and/or legitimate, I'm merely trying to answer them in a comical/thoughtful light. Keep asking questions, and may others like me continue answering them, for we (people like me) are a powerful super-race of humans, with laserbeam eyes, however, yesterday, I was a construction worker... Yay nonreality...

A couple of posts got put up while I was posting, so of course, I must comment. Firstly, the reason that the bulletholes and bodies disappear is because maintaining every last element and presence of a characters boredom would take game memory-space and frankly I'd rather play a game where I can shoot my name into a wall than a game where I can hack a computer to kill everyone in the next room via an overloaded power conduit. (Sarcasm) As soon as they make THAT game, this will happen:
ME: (Shoots name into wall, then picks up phone and calls friend) Dude, you HAVE to check this out, get over here now.
FRIEND: (gets to my house, out of breath from running) What... what... is it?
ME: Holy crap, check it out (points to screen)
FRIEND: No way... you called me for this?
ME: Yeah, isn't it awesome.
FRIEND: No, it's TOTALLY AWESOME :eek:
(The above story is a work of fiction and depicts no actual intentions of the writer if game makers suddenly get the ingenious idea to make a wallshooter game).
Now... the reason that the main character alway must save the world/universe is because: a) most players enjoy having a sense of power over others and events (I just don't think that Shitgames Inc.'s next big hit The Bully 2, 'Recess is over" would sell to the diehard RPG fans out there, and b) most gamers enjoy a twist in the storyline, a larger and more hair-raising twist is easier to obtain if there is more on the line. Remember folks, suspension of disbelief.

Yeah well, I still like to point out that the pink hearts/fool heals you thing is stupid. Also, why is there so many notes and memos in adventure and survival horror games? And they often talk about the stupidest things, considering the fact they're lying around for you to pick up. "Wow! I just found some ways to take out the Crimson Head zombies that have a good chance of killing those pesky S.T.A.R.S. members! Better archive it in great detail and leave it around for just anyone to pick it up!" Even worse is when they (the authors of said memos) are dying, one note in Extermination ACTUALLY SAID AND I QUOTE; "A monster took out the padding on my flack jacket with its last flailing swipes, it's freezing out here!" Gee! I'm FREEZING TO DEATH, but wait, I'd better sit down and write about it! And don't get me started on these kinds of memos that can FOUND IN THE MIDDLE OF A ROOM WITH HEALING ITEMS IN IT.

The one thing I truly hate? Not being given the weapon for the job. If I'm infiltrating a dam in the USSR I want more than a silenced pistol with 30-odd rounds.

Only two games I can forgive here. Half-Life because you actually picked up weapons in logical ways and places and Perfect Dark because, in all honesty it kicked so much ass.

I hate how many games make you save the whole friggen world/galaxy/universe all by yourself. Even in games with teammates, like Call of Duty, you're basically doing the whole thing solo anyway. I wish the AI coders would get on the ball... :rolleyes:
You haven't played BF2 single player.

The one thing I truly hate? Not being given the weapon for the job. If I'm infiltrating a dam in the USSR I want more than a silenced pistol with 30-odd rounds.

Only two games I can forgive here. Half-Life because you actually picked up weapons in logical ways and places and Perfect Dark because, in all honesty it kicked so much ass.
By God, in Call of Duty, they LITTERALLY gave you the original amount of weapons they gave to real life soldiers in Stalingrad.

5 bullets. Not even a rifle. I was supposed to march head on.

Thankfully story mode kicked in. But still....had to kill like...5 Germans in order to find 50 MP40 bullets/gun.

Basically ran around bashing Nazis with my rifle. Not fun. :(

AAAGGHHH!
The way that in Real-time strategy games, everything explodes in exactly the same way!

In every freaking game out there, I have three or more allies. They have better weapons than I do, but seem to be random guys they picked off of the street and gave guns and uniforms and told "Hey, attack that machine gun nest over there." They are all crappy shots, die easily, and, even though they're easier targets, the enemy always focuses in on me and me alone.

By God, in Call of Duty, they LITTERALLY gave you the original amount of weapons they gave to real life soldiers in Stalingrad.

5 bullets. Not even a rifle. I was supposed to march head on.

Thankfully story mode kicked in. But still....had to kill like...5 Germans in order to find 50 MP40 bullets/gun.

Basically ran around bashing Nazis with my rifle. Not fun. :(
You can play as the Soviets in Call of Duty?

You can play as the Soviets in Call of Duty?
From Stalingrad, to about 50 thousand more levels of Stalingrad, to suddenly showing up in front of Berlin with a tank, to storming the Reichstag yourself.

Though you'll have to pass the American and the British campaigns first though. I think the Soviets had the most dramatic gameplay in the entire game. Very enjoyable...for me at least.

Cool. [/hijack]

Cool. [/hijack]
Verily.

I was at the podium in the Reichstag where Hitler gives his speeches. I shot up the entire room. w00t. And that damned eagle/ferret with wings behind it.

Yeah, kill those fascist bastards for Stalin so we all can move on to the Cold War...

Yeah, kill those fascist bastards for Stalin so we all can move on to the Cold War...
heh...the Cold War was the best war EVER. Just look at what has been happening in the post-Cold War era...we're getting our troops all spread out and stuck in "quagmires" (which happen to consist of sand...and suicide bombers...)

heh...the Cold War was the best war EVER. Just look at what has been happening in the post-Cold War era...we're getting our troops all spread out and stuck in "quagmires" (which happen to consist of sand...and suicide bombers...)

LOL OMG WW2 is teh best war ever, it ownz Cold War's n00b a$$!!11!

By God, in Call of Duty, they LITTERALLY gave you the original amount of weapons they gave to real life soldiers in Stalingrad.

5 bullets. Not even a rifle. I was supposed to march head on.

Thankfully story mode kicked in. But still....had to kill like...5 Germans in order to find 50 MP40 bullets/gun.

Basically ran around bashing Nazis with my rifle. Not fun. :(

That game sucked so badly. I get the shudders from remembering.

Inventory physics is always fun. The space seems to be limitless, yet where do they carry it all?!

Sometimes there's a limit to how many of a specific item you can carry: Damn, I can only carry 20 potions, but for some reason I still have room for 20 Titanium Armors...

Inventory physics is always fun. The space seems to be limitless, yet where do they carry it all?!

Sometimes there's a limit to how many of a specific item you can carry: Damn, I can only carry 20 potions, but for some reason I still have room for 20 Titanium Armors...

Only in some of the early adventure games did they do that. Nowadays, they don't.

Only in some of the early adventure games did they do that. Nowadays, they don't.


Barring Zelda anyway (not that I mind, what I hate is the Resi style 'chest inventories').

(not that I mind, what I hate is the Resi style 'chest inventories').

I swear I spent over an hour in RE4 trying to rearrange my stupid briefcase so my gun would fit in, with the ammo, and grenades. I don't understand why the girl I was rescuing just didn't carry something -.-

I swear I spent over an hour in RE4 trying to rearrange my stupid briefcase so my gun would fit in, with the ammo, and grenades. I don't understand why the girl I was rescuing just didn't carry something -.-

Brainless NPC's. Oh god I hate them. Especially Natalya in Goldeneye. DUCK DAMN YOU!

Grenade lands at the feet of bad guy, room gets redecorated. Grenade lands at the feet of you, and you get some minor burns. And perhaps an itch.

Why are there always so many doors that lead absolutely nowhere?

Guns that float and rotate in mid-air. What's up with that?

Find me a game set in modern-times that doesn't have a crate OR a barrel of some kind in it and I'll give you a pizza.

Why does eating food in certain games mysteriously heal your bullet wounds?

Apparently when you've just received a shotgun blast to the torso you can still run, jump, swim and dance as though nothing ever happened. I think I'll go play with a shotgun now!

How comes it's always me that has to save the world? Can't somebody with some military training, who already has some guns, and knows where he's going do it instead?

Why do people with military training, better guns, and a good sense of direction always die quicker than I do?

According to the game universe, we can run forever without ever getting tired. Cool, huh?

In times of RPG fantasy, people were glued to the floor and could never take their feet from it. To, say, get down a three foot drop instead of finding a ramp down three miles away.

Aliens -- ALWAYS evil, genocidal maniacs who hate YOU most of all.


resident evil , there now were`s my PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:mp5: :D

I once found a website with a big list of these in fantasy games, but i can't find it again.

Heres one that is in most RPGs. Why doesn't this huge kingdom send an army instead of you? And why also do you have to BUY wooden swords and cloth armour instead of the kingdom giving you their best swords and armour?

One idea almost universally necessary in gaming but also completely stupid is the savepoint/quicksave. I mean, your tootling along through some monster-infested hell hole (although your damn near invincible so you haven't taken too much damage) and all of a sudden bam! a typewriter appears, or a funny little rotating polygon, or a book on a pedestal (in a fucking sewer, for christs sake! The pages would be rotten!) or "Checkpoint complete" floating in mid-air. I realise that, like the omnihealing medpacks, savepoints are entirely necessary, but it doesn't stop the idea from being ludicrous.

Inventory physics is always fun. The space seems to be limitless, yet where do they carry it all?!

Sometimes there's a limit to how many of a specific item you can carry: Damn, I can only carry 20 potions, but for some reason I still have room for 20 Titanium Armors...

Im not sure if you only meant RPG type games with this post but In Halo and Halo 2 you can only carry two weapons and 8 grenades at a time. Except for dual weilding when of course you can have 3.

Yeah, where the hell do you stuff an RPG, a shotgun, 20 handgrenades, and a handgun?

The evil emperor's chief henchman is sure to betray him.

Nothing good ever comes out of a meteorite.

The evil emperor's chief henchman is sure to betray him.

Nothing good ever comes out of a meteorite.

Damn, you're right about the meteorites...I forgot about that.

Lava obstacles. C'mon, if you're close enough to the lava to worry about falling in, chances are you should be roasted already.

I personally hate it when the game is on a nice, new syste like xbox, and the graphics still suck ass! "Oh, hello. How are you, Mr. SquareHeadthing?" and then when you have to get to an object five feet from youi and there's a steam in the way. What's up with all the invisible fences everywhere?

One idea almost universally necessary in gaming but also completely stupid is the savepoint/quicksave. I mean, your tootling along through some monster-infested hell hole (although your damn near invincible so you haven't taken too much damage) and all of a sudden bam! a typewriter appears, or a funny little rotating polygon, or a book on a pedestal (in a fucking sewer, for christs sake! The pages would be rotten!) or "Checkpoint complete" floating in mid-air. I realise that, like the omnihealing medpacks, savepoints are entirely necessary, but it doesn't stop the idea from being ludicrous.

Most PC Games don't have check points. I hate when console games do, though.

The actual need for keys. Its like "Hey, I just killed a huge demon with 3 heads that breathes fire with simply my sword and magical items but I need a key to get through this puny WOODEN door? Come on, its half rotten"

And why can't I use my magic WHENEVER I want to?

If I want to impress a NPC girl, all I can do is talk to her! No way! I want to shoot fireballs out into the sky!

I'm the Earth's ONLY goddamn chance for survival. And the only thing that can stop me on my path to heroism is a FENCE!



XD

"Main hero trying to save/avenge girlfriend/father/family/wife/friends/master/society/self/etc.-Shemue, Halo, Half Life, Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, etc."


What the fuck else would they be trying to save? You just listed everything.

*lonely human walks up to a dark cave, and looks a bit nervous*H-hello? Is this the Lair of the Dark Beast? *burly voice*Who dares disturb my slumber? Human:..Tis I..Leopold The Great..And I seek your service. Dark Beast: What do you wish? Leopold: Well...I..I heard that you will...ah...um...y'know..."service"...people...and..I..was..feeling kinda..y'know..lonely...Dark Beast: Yes..and my price is 50 gold an hour. Leopold: Agreed! Dark Beast: Good, now hurry it up.

Sadly, that is what I pictured when you said that.


if I could find the rofl smiley, I would use it. But I can't.

The most annoying thing for me is how, on a shooter, the enemy take a couple of shots to kill. But your guy can take 20!

And, still on shooters, the way that bosses somehow can take a full cartridge of machine gun to the face, and NOT DIE. huh?

The thing I hate most about games is quite obscure since:

A. It currently only applies to P.C games.
and
B. It's more of an attitude of the programmers, rather than a part of the game.

I'm talking about patches.

Now a patch to fix minor errors, or to expand the game (i.e mods) is fine.

But some errors are glaringly obvious and you just want to kill the developers. Have these people never heard of beta testing? We are at the point where we are handing over our money for untested betas. Do you want to spend 30 pounds on a half-made game? No, didn't think so. Console games can't get away with such shoddiness, so why should P.C games.

But for the smug console gamer who says "we don't have patches, so our games must be perfect at release", consider this: online gaming + hard drives =...

I'll leave you to do the math.

But for the smug console gamer who says "we don't have patches, so our games must be perfect", consider this: online gaming + hard drives =...

I'll leave you to do the math.
...Xbox live?

...Xbox live?

How long will it be before Xbox Live is used to update games that have flaws?

I give it 3 years.

How long will it be before Xbox Live is used to update games that have flaws?

I give it 3 years.
Just out of interest, have you any idea about what will happen to Xbox live when the 360 is released - will it stay Xbox live and a new "Xbox360 live" be released, or will the two converge as a microsoft monstrosity?

Just out of interest, have you any idea about what will happen to Xbox live when the 360 is released - will it stay Xbox live and a new "Xbox360 live" be released, or will the two converge as a microsoft monstrosity?
Two different versions of Xbox Live.

Xbox Live Silver - Free version of Xbox Live for 360

Xbox Live Gold - Payed version of Xbox Live for 360

Not sure what the differences are though.

*sighs* The monsters whore themselves.

Good god man I'm 12 and I got that first time...

Good god man I'm 12 and I got that first time...
Your 12?

That explains the sig.

Now I know why people are shocked at me when I say I'm 15.

Two different versions of Xbox Live.

Xbox Live Silver - Free version of Xbox Live for 360

Xbox Live Gold - Payed version of Xbox Live for 360

Not sure what the differences are though.

One doesn't attempt to install Windows onto your brain?

Good god man I'm 12 and I got that first time...
lol, I thought it was rather obvious.

The hero never needs to eat or sleep, except to heal damage or when the story calls for it. Apparently, fatigue and hunger don’t exist, we only rest and nourish ourselves to heal gaping sword wounds and move along plot lines.

whats with being able to have like 10 guns at a time?

I always try to imagine the Minister of Defense's proposal to the evil country/orginazation/whatever in platformers, especially old school top down or side scrollers.

MoD: Alright, so here's the plan. At the border we got, like a hundred of these drone things. They move forward in formation, fire this slow moving bullet thing and fly back. Just send wave after wave of those. What? No, we don't have to supply them-just leave lots of universal ammunition laying about behind them.

Huh? Well, sure-it is possible that the invader could break through that line and use the ammo himself...but by then they hit our slightly bigger drones that fire more than one of these projectiles-and those need to be hit two, sometimes three times to explode.

What? Well okay, only once if they pick up the supplies laying about-but if the manage to get by that then they're really in for it. And this is where the money really went-We have this big ass thing right here. It's got these tenticles that fling fire balls and these little ball turrets that shoot out a spray of projectiles. And if they manage to blow up the tenticles there are missle launchers underneath. How kick ass is that.

We set up three to six stages like this, getting bigger each time and we're all set. I mean, come on-they only ever send one or two guys in at a time anyway...

Alright guys, you obviously haven't learned since my last post... Ahem, first of all, the reason that your guy can take a lot of shots is obvious, he's special. In games like Halo, for example, he's a Spartan Mk. VI against normal run of the mill soldier units (the exception being on Legendary of course). Alright, and in regards to the whole, why don't I have the appropriate weapon for the job thing... YOU DO! When you are supposed to, (and I quote) "infiltrate" something... you want something small and quiet, like that quiet little pistol you were complaining about. You know what... maybe we should just drop all the people who don't understand that concept in the middle of an enemy camp with a BlastCo. "Loudshooter 10"! We'll just see how far you get. Now, in the future, when they make a silent rocket launcher and don't give it to you, then you can complain, but until then, be quiet when you infiltrate something double-o-dumbass. And in a reply to the you just listed everything comment, I'd just like to say, good work, someone understands something, I can die happy now. I'm sure you will all continue giving me a large amount of idiot fodder to textblast. Regards, the great Answerer.

Now I know why people are shocked at me when I say I'm 15.
What? Why is anyone shocked? You are ungodly immature. In fact fifteen is a bit of a stretch. I would guess ten.

The thing I hate most about games is quite obscure since:

A. It currently only applies to P.C games.
and
B. It's more of an attitude of the programmers, rather than a part of the game.

I'm talking about patches.

Now a patch to fix minor errors, or to expand the game (i.e mods) is fine.

But some errors are glaringly obvious and you just want to kill the developers. Have these people never heard of beta testing? We are at the point where we are handing over our money for untested betas. Do you want to spend 30 pounds on a half-made game? No, didn't think so. Console games can't get away with such shoddiness, so why should P.C games.

But for the smug console gamer who says "we don't have patches, so our games must be perfect at release", consider this: online gaming + hard drives =...

I'll leave you to do the math.


COUGHDUNGEONLORDSCOUGH. I assume that's what you meant by halfmade games? They have features in the manual and even some that show up in the game that you can't use. Then the makers said they weren't even being planned. THEN WHY ARE THERE OPTIONS FOR IT IN THE GAME? I mean they don't work, but they're there. But that's just what I heard, never actually played it. I don't plan to with the horror stories I've heard, even from people who pretty much defend any game that someone attacks. 14 here, but from a combination of looks, personality, and voice, I often get confused for a 17/18 year old.

Your 12?

That explains the sig.

Now I know why people are shocked at me when I say I'm 15.

What sig... I don't have one

splinter cell, now thats a realistic game

Just out of interest, have you any idea about what will happen to Xbox live when the 360 is released - will it stay Xbox live and a new "Xbox360 live" be released, or will the two converge as a microsoft monstrosity?

No idea.

I used to get upset in racing games where it seemed like I always had an unreasonably faster car but it in the start of the race I had piss poor acceleration.

One doesn't attempt to install Windows onto your brain?


lol, I thought it was rather obvious.

what the joke or the fact that I'm 12

splinter cell, now thats a realistic game
Are you flipping kidding me? Hey, all the lights are being shot out, but instead of pulling an alarm, and calling in backup, I’m going to, at most, look for what is shooting out the lights, or, at least, pretend nothing is going on.

what the joke or the fact that I'm 12

The joke. I've given up on trying to assume ages on NS.

Are you flipping kidding me? Hey, all the lights are being shot out, but instead of pulling an alarm, and calling in backup, I’m going to, at most, look for what is shooting out the lights, or, at least, pretend nothing is going on.




Hey! they do pull alarms, so dont be an idiot.

You can go for days without ever using the bathroom.

You can kill things by jumping on them.

A turtle can hurt your powerful gun-wielding hero type guy.

You can have a revolver with unlimited shots.

Your army only ever sends out one guy at a time to fight the 4 million plus Germans/Russians/Chinese/Americans/what have you.

Likewise, that one guy can blow up a whole army with only a submachine gun and an ordinary hand grenade as weapons.

You can somehow carry 30 weapons at a time, and switch between them effortlessly while fighting the Uber Evil Monster of DOOM.

You can become immortal by typing in a cheat code.

You can suddenly get a surplus of gold/water/wood/weapons/soldiers without doing anything for it.

Your barracks can produce and train soldiers within 5 minutes (or less depending on your RAM).

After living in peace and coexisting with another civilization for 50,000 years, they suddenly decide to attack you.

There are all these coins floating in the air that you can jump up to get, and when you touch them they disappear.

The police are always after you and not the twenty-five different people who helped you rob the bank.

Ledges and blocks always seem to be suspended in mid-air.

There are cliffs 50,000 feet high, and yet your lungs seem to be functioning just as well at the top as they are at the bottom.

You can march hundreds of miles under heavy armor in the hot sun.

Monsters are invariably unfriendly towards you.

The NPCs never make a move to defend themselves, and somehow tend to survive all the time anyway.

In games like Age of Empires, you can very well tax your citizens. But no—all your money comes from mining gold.

----------------------

That's why I don't play video games. ;)

COUGHDUNGEONLORDSCOUGH. I assume that's what you meant by halfmade games? They have features in the manual and even some that show up in the game that you can't use. Then the makers said they weren't even being planned. THEN WHY ARE THERE OPTIONS FOR IT IN THE GAME? I mean they don't work, but they're there. But that's just what I heard, never actually played it. I don't plan to with the horror stories I've heard, even from people who pretty much defend any game that someone attacks. 14 here, but from a combination of looks, personality, and voice, I often get confused for a 17/18 year old.

That's the game I was thinking of, yes. I'm not buying it either. Don't know how it survived a beta.

I used to get upset in racing games where it seemed like I always had an unreasonably faster car but it in the start of the race I had piss poor acceleration.

Yes, same here.

I also hated how you were always at the last position.

Now to rationalise Czadas' arguments (N.B I agree with him. But this is interesting):

You can go for days without ever using the bathroom.

That's because your anus is filled with weapons.

You can kill things by jumping on them.

Golf shoes.

A turtle can hurt your powerful gun-wielding hero type guy.

If it's thrown at me, I'd go ouch.

You can have a revolver with unlimited shots.

And you're complaining?

Your army only ever sends out one guy at a time to fight the 4 million plus Germans/Russians/Chinese/Americans/what have you.

Likewise, that one guy can blow up a whole army with only a submachine gun and an ordinary hand grenade as weapons.

That's because the Germans/Russians/Chinese/Americans/what have you are actually French.

You can somehow carry 30 weapons at a time, and switch between them effortlessly while fighting the Uber Evil Monster of DOOM.

See first point.

You can become immortal by typing in a cheat code.

See point on unlimited ammo.

You can suddenly get a surplus of gold/water/wood/weapons/soldiers without doing anything for it.

Funded by the U.S. Always throwing money at a problem.

Your barracks can produce and train soldiers within 5 minutes (or less depending on your RAM).

Aye, but the troops are always stupid. Possibly French.

After living in peace and coexisting with another civilization for 50,000 years, they suddenly decide to attack you.

Nah, all that time they were stockpilling weapons.

There are all these coins floating in the air that you can jump up to get, and when you touch them they disappear.

Pockets.

The police are always after you and not the twenty-five different people who helped you rob the bank.

Well, you were stupid enough to leave evidence.

Ledges and blocks always seem to be suspended in mid-air.

Nah, a forklift suspends them in mid-air behind the curtain.

There are cliffs 50,000 feet high, and yet your lungs seem to be functioning just as well at the top as they are at the bottom.

When you kill those monsters, they release oxygen as well as gold.

You can march hundreds of miles under heavy armor in the hot sun.

Next time you play a game, touch the screen where the sun is? Is it hot?

Monsters are invariably unfriendly towards you.

Go out into a foxes den. Do they give you tea and crumpets?

The NPCs never make a move to defend themselves, and somehow tend to survive all the time anyway.

Really? In my experience, they die instantly.

In games like Age of Empires, you can very well tax your citizens. But no—all your money comes from mining gold.

AoE was set in times when gold was a valid currencey.

That's why I don't play video games. ;)

So why are you here?

Try here. I think someone mentioned this list earlier, but I'm posting the link!

Big List (http://www.project-apollo.net/text/rpg.html)

There was a major thing that pissed me off about one game I hold in high regard - Halo. I thought the idea about only carrying two guns was genius - it limited the player to choosing a good balance of weapons and brought new feeling to FPSs. However, someone in Bungie obviously felt this may have created a limitation in the amount of people buying the game - the people who use a tonne of ammo just to waste one enemy. So what's the result? 660 rounds for the Assault rifle. Now, fair enough, a clip was 60 bullets (fucking big clip if you ask me) but even with one clip in the weapon that's good ole master chief carrying ten large clips. Not to mention the 8 grenades and possibility of a ROCKET LAUNCHER with 8 SPARE ROCKETS! IMHO, they should have made the rocket launcher only useable with a sidearm e.g. the pistol, or a plasma weapon e.g. the plasma rifle. Even if someone was 8ft tall, they could not carry that amount of munitions.

i find it tremendously amusing, in age of empires, hat a man runs up to a STONE bulding, and starts to smack it with his club, AND IT SETS ON FIRE!
to my knowledge, stone isnt very flammable...

How come in every FPS the hero always pulls his ammo out of his navel!

How come the rest of us don't have these magical Bullet-Belly-Buttons?

i find it tremendously amusing, in age of empires, hat a man runs up to a STONE bulding, and starts to smack it with his club, AND IT SETS ON FIRE!
to my knowledge, stone isnt very flammable...

Even worse is when you have a few bowmen firing at a stone wall, and it begins to crumble.

Why hasnt anyone come up with the idea of putting a silencer on every barrel of a mini-gun? MGS1/2/3 would be SO much easier if you got a silenced minigun instead of a SOCOM

the one that everyone seems to be forgetting is hitting some1 with your gun is more powerful than shooting them in the head

i find it tremendously amusing, in age of empires, hat a man runs up to a STONE bulding, and starts to smack it with his club, AND IT SETS ON FIRE!
to my knowledge, stone isnt very flammable...

Maybe the mortar is?

Why hasnt anyone come up with the idea of putting a silencer on every barrel of a mini-gun? MGS1/2/3 would be SO much easier if you got a silenced minigun instead of a SOCOM
Because a typical minigun isn't exactly a personnel weapon - generally it's mounted on a helicopter. Besides, I imagine the sound of .50cal bullets tearing holes in everything they touch would create enough sound to render a silenced minigun useless.

the one that everyone seems to be forgetting is hitting some1 with your gun is more powerful than shooting them in the head
It's far more accurate though :D

and i love how if u hit them with ur gun from behind, even if you hit their butt or the back of their legs, they die.

Maybe the mortar is?
what mortar? i was talking about a guy with a CLUB, ya know, a short piece of wood?

what mortar? i was talking about a guy with a CLUB, ya know, a short piece of wood?
Mortar as in bricks and mortar, the stuff that fills the gaps. :)

what mortar? i was talking about a guy with a CLUB, ya know, a short piece of wood?
The mortar in the building. And, uh, act of God. Yeah, that's it.

Mortar as in bricks and mortar, the stuff that fills the gaps. :)

oooh, lol, i thought he meant the grenade-launching thing :D

That's because your anus is filled with weapons.Whoa, you mean like the g--



Golf shoes. What if you don't own a pair?



If it's thrown at me, I'd go ouch. These that I refer to are just walking around.



And you're complaining?Well, what does it look like? :rolleyes:



That's because the Germans/Russians/Chinese/Americans/what have you are actually French. ROFLMAO!


Funded by the U.S. Always throwing money at a problem. See comment concerning the French.



Aye, but the troops are always stupid. Possibly French. And does that explain how they were created in 5 minutes? Normally it takes 21 years. ;)



Nah, all that time they were stockpilling weapons.
Then why are they so unprepared when you bring your Uber-Powerful Military of DOOM to kill them all?!

Pockets.
LOL....


Well, you were stupid enough to leave evidence.Oh, so it took just 30 seconds for the police to learn of the robbery, pick up all the evidence, and analyze it, showing that it points to you?



Nah, a forklift suspends them in mid-air behind the curtain.It must be fairly invisible or very tall.....



When you kill those monsters, they release oxygen as well as gold.And where did they keep it all?



Next time you play a game, touch the screen where the sun is? Is it hot?Fairly. But then, I've been on for the last 9-10 hours. :p


Really? In my experience, they die instantly.
I don't get why they don't defend themselves, though.


AoE was set in times when gold was a valid currencey. Yeah. But if it was currency, the citizens would be earning it for their work, right? And there is such thing as income tax, isn't there?



So why are you here?I'm not, I'm in America. :D

Czardas double posted?!?! *Has heart attack.*

Whoa, you mean like the g--

Yes, I do.

What if you don't own a pair?

Kill a monster and take the money they drop. Then go to a shop. Simple.

These that I refer to are just walking around.

Trip over one, fall on your face...

Well, what does it look like? :rolleyes:

A revolver with infinite ammo. Duh :rolleyes:

ROFLMAO!

I thought you'd like that one.

See comment concerning the French.

See comment concerning the ROFLMAO.

And does that explain how they were created in 5 minutes? Normally it takes 21 years. ;)

Time is messed up in games. Why do you think the sun never sets?

Then why are they so unprepared when you bring your Uber-Powerful Military of DOOM to kill them all?!

Because someone from Admin "borrows" the tanks alongside the staplers and hole-punches...

LOL....

Thank you.

Oh, so it took just 30 seconds for the police to learn of the robbery, pick up all the evidence, and analyze it, showing that it points to you?

Obviously they had previous experience doing detective dramas on the T.V, where they always caught the crinimal.

It must be fairly invisible or very tall.....

It's hidden. BEHIND THE CURTAIN. This is why, in every 2D game you cannot move sidey-ways. The "sprites" are actually a type of insects that can fit into the disk/cartridge.

And where did they keep it all?

Lungs.

Fairly. But then, I've been on for the last 9-10 hours. :p

Even "fairly" hot is still colder than room temperature.

I don't get why they don't defend themselves, though.

French. Again.

Yeah. But if it was currency, the citizens would be earning it for their work, right? And there is such thing as income tax, isn't there?

No minimum wage. The peasants were paid a pittance, below the level at which they had to pay taxes.

I'm not, I'm in America. :D

I meant "on this thread".

1. big breasts
We all know that women have breasts. We don't need to be reminded by women who have breasts bigger than their heads. Get over it.

2. Wolves=evil, unless they are refered to as dogs or if the wolf is the main character.
How old is this cliche. If you are in a game and you see a wolf that isn't you and is called a wolf, you'll have to kill it.

3. Dungeons are trap and/or puzzle riddled.
Okay. If a trap didn't work on you the first hundred times, what makes them think that you'll fall for it this time? Also, how stupid do they think we are when they say that you'll never figure out which switch to hit and there's only one switch?

4. enemies taking cover behing a crate of explosives.
how stupid are they. Also, wtf is a crate of explosives doing out in the open? If it was an explosives factory run by morons or if it was a bomb that didn't go off, I would understand.

Czardas double posted?!?! *Has heart attack.*Jolt has problems, ok?!! :rolleyes:

1. big breasts
We all know that women have breasts. We don't need to be reminded by women who have breasts bigger than their heads. Get over it.

At least you know they're women.

Many female sprites don't have visible breasts (see: RPG's), and this, compounded by the fact that they don't have a real name, means you never quite know it's a woman.

How many heros have embraced the love of their life just to get a nasty surprise?

Right! Damn these cliche`s~!! We need REALISTIC games! Seriously! Think about it. A WWII simulator where two shots and you are OUT! No saving, no medpacs, your gun jams easily and the entire game lasts a staggering 1,000 hours! Pause? F**K PAUSE!! There's no pause button in life! You rest when your character does! Which is hardly ever!

Adventure games would follow the same principle. Keys to doors that you need to go through? They're on the other side, idjit! Why would a key to unlock a special door be on the side that it's locked?? Monsters? Bah. They don't really exist. You'll be wandering with no real goal, roaming town to town, mingling with the essentially brainless population, who rather than need your assistance, can do their jobs just fine, thank you. Puzzles? Since when do you need to place a glowing crystal into a fairy's scepter!? TOTALLY unrealistic and TOTAL cliche`.

I could think of other sarcastic remarks to make, but I have to go to work now =( Hehe oh yea, and this post isn't to be mean, it's all in good fun. See ya! =)

Right! Damn these cliche`s~!! We need REALISTIC games! Seriously! Think about it. A WWII simulator where two shots and you are OUT! No saving, no medpacs, your gun jams easily and the entire game lasts a staggering 1,000 hours! Pause? F**K PAUSE!! There's no pause button in life! You rest when your character does! Which is hardly ever!

Adventure games would follow the same principle. Keys to doors that you need to go through? They're on the other side, idjit! Why would a key to unlock a special door be on the side that it's locked?? Monsters? Bah. They don't really exist. You'll be wandering with no real goal, roaming town to town, mingling with the essentially brainless population, who rather than need your assistance, can do their jobs just fine, thank you. Puzzles? Since when do you need to place a glowing crystal into a fairy's scepter!? TOTALLY unrealistic and TOTAL cliche`.

I could think of other sarcastic remarks to make, but I have to go to work now =( Hehe oh yea, and this post isn't to be mean, it's all in good fun. See ya! =)

You didn't write this (http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/games/wargames.html) did you?

Actually, in Call of Duty you don't have medpacs (on the hardest level) and yoy usually die in one or two shots.

Standard Operational Rules for WW2 Soldiers:

1) You are to be completely sufficient with all weapons, that all countries use.

2) You certainly don't have to have accuracy with any of the guns; Combat is never more than 15m away.

3) You are an individual. While you may sometimes do things with one or two helpers, god forbid you be attached to a team, or a squad.

4) You never have signifigant advantages over the enemy. You are either on the weaker side, or you are fairly equal to the enemy.

4a) You never get support from things such as tanks, etc, unless the enemy has something too strong for you to handle. You would never want to have armoured advantages.

5) You never retreat. You go forward, and you accomplish the mission, or you die fighting. It doesn't matter if the entire german army is coming at you with tigers and panthers.

6)Ammunition rules:

6a) You will never be issued more than five clips of ammunition.

6a2) You will have to scavange for ammunition. You are never resupplied during a mission.

6a3) Luckily, the enemy seems to stock your ammunition and clips in its ammunition boxes.

6b) Throw away used magazines. God forbid you re-use them.

6b2) While you throw away all used magazines, you are able to reload your guns as many times as needed, as long as you have bullets left. Whatever mag you load, will be fully loaded, unless you dont have enough total ammunition for that to occur.

6c) Bolt action rifles always use stripper clips, which can be used to reload any number of rounds, despite how many are on the stripper clip. The exception is snipers, which never use stripper clips.

7) Some guns have an unlimited supply of ammo, though you never see it.

7a) Some of these guns have barrels, that overheat after twenty or thirty rounds. Other guns never overheat, however, despite being fired at full auto constantly.

8) Ironsights are ineffective. You either use your intuition, or your scope.

9) You are to be perfectly trained with a sniper, for the rare occasions that combat occurs at 15 meters.

10) Though you can operate every enemy weapon perfectly, you cannot drive enemy cars, trucks, or operate enemy mortars or AT guns.

11) The enemy will always use tanks in cities, never in the open. The enemy will never effectively bomb you or bombard you with artillery. You may be lightly showered with mortar fire.

12) The enemy never hides. They may use some cover, but they will fully expose their bodies before taking shots.

13) Every mission you undertake is crucial. You never do anything mundane, such as securing city blocks, checking bunkers, clearing out forests, etcetera.

14) The enemy will never effectively use suppressive fire. You can always outrun suppressive fire, if you run fast enough.

15) If a door is closed, and you havn't been ordered to open it, it stays locked. No matter how many explosives are used against it.

16) The enemy will never effectively use Anti-aircraft and Anti-tank weapons against anything but their designated targets. Its not honorable to kill infantry with such weapons.

17) Cover is cover. No M2HB's, Stuart cannons, or Bazooka's will penetrate.

18) The only weapons the US army uses is Garands, Thompsons, and once in a great while, M1 Carbines and M1903's. Every soldier gets a 1911. Nobody ever heard of M3a1's, M2 Carbines, Squad Operated M2HB's, regular M1903's, etc. On the other hand, every German soldier gets an MP40 or an STG44, with the rare Kar98/scoped.

19) Every russian soldier gets an M91/30 Mosin Nagant, or a PPSh-41. There are rare Snipers.

20) If you are russian, you likely dont have ammo, or a gun. You pretty much never get tank support, either.

21) You can never call for support, unless you find a radio in a strange place. Heaven forbid you fire a few 105's into that german-infested house.

22) Despite your being a Pvt or a PFC, you are given every important task, and do your tasks much better than your Corporals, Sergeants, etc. You never get promoted though, no matter how much combat experience and accomplishment you have.

23) It doesnt really matter what your job is. You can operate aircraft turrets, tanks, heavy weapons, any small weapons, radio's, map's, though you still can't figure out those tricky german cars.

24) Your chain of command never comes into play. You are almost never given orders in the line of duty, unless they come from officers who arent even at the battle.

25) You can carry multiple explosives, many grenades, lots of ammo(as long as you find it yourself), many guns, and all of your gear. You, however, do not get a decent map, or binoculars.

EDIT: Note: The notable exceptions for these are CoD, and Brothers in Arms. They have their own set.

3. Dungeons are trap and/or puzzle riddled.
Okay. If a trap didn't work on you the first hundred times, what makes them think that you'll fall for it this time? Also, how stupid do they think we are when they say that you'll never figure out which switch to hit and there's only one switch?

No. You can just walk up to the dungeons, walk right in, grab the treasure and walk out. THAT'S THE ENTIRE POINT OF DUNGEONS!

1. Princesses are weak. They should always be captured, unless the villian avoids that cliche for the even bigger "conquer/blow up world" cliche. Heaven forbid the princess be able to fend off enemies that die when they touch ANYTHING.

2. weapons from the future always look a bit fruity. Chrome is vital, as well as floaty parts. Heaven forbid it doesn't shoot laser beams either.

3. There is only one currency. The russians use it. The Americans use it. The Monkerfellers use it. Everyone does.

4. Dwarves are typically loners and care nothing about their looks. Heaven forbid their hair isn't full of previously unkown substances and species.

**FIGHTERS***
1. The female fighters should be about half as strong as the male fighters and half as dressed. Their breasts SHOULD be impossible huge(bigger than D) and barely covered.

2. Everyone has strange and fruity combos. You wouldn't want the child fighters to not leap a couple hundred feet in the air and nuke the stage.

3. Blood is limitless. The blood should be able to fill more space than the fighter it came out of. Little fighters should have no less blood than is required to fill an olympic-sized swimming pool.

4. most weapons are magical somehow. Some eat you everytime you fire a bullet. Others make you fly.

**heroes, heroines, and villians***
1. everyone has a glaring flaw. Balance is the enemy.

more on the way.

No. You can just walk up to the dungeons, walk right in, grab the treasure and walk out. THAT'S THE ENTIRE POINT OF DUNGEONS!

No, the point of dungeons is to get lost and chase your arse for an hour before somehow finding the solution. And you can't quite figure out how you done it.

No, the point of dungeons is to get lost and chase your arse for an hour before somehow finding the solution. And you can't quite figure out how you done it.

OH, I thought you meant the traps and stuff in general. I think it should be a nice medium on normal, what you say on hard, and your orignal comment on 'WTF? Are you a total moron?'.

OH, I thought you meant the traps and stuff in general. I think it should be a nice medium on normal, what you say on hard, and your orignal comment on 'WTF? Are you a total moron?'.

What are you talking about "I thought you meant"???

Orignal comment? What was that?

What are you talking about "I thought you meant"???

Orignal comment? What was that?

Original comment= 1 Lever, easily doged traps, etc.

Original comment= 1 Lever, easily doged traps, etc.

Not my comment.

"Oh no! That was a load-bearing boss!"

**Dungeon collapses**

"Oh no! That was a load-bearing boss!"

**Dungeon collapses**

lol, someone beat you to it. :P

when the game runs out of bad guys, all they have to do is add "dire" to the creatures name to double their creature database

I hate that all countries have the same currency, weither or not they are across the sea, or literally another world.

I think this thread peaked with my comment about irrational healing items...

"General, those Irapi fuckers are out-gunned by our army 200 to 1, also, we have M-16, 3 whole bomber squardons and tanks....BUT THEY'VE GOT ICE CREAM! I THINK WE SHOULD ABORT THE MISSION, IT IS HOPELESS!!"

Now to rationalise Czadas' arguments (N.B I agree with him. But this is interesting):



That's because your anus is filled with weapons.



Golf shoes.



If it's thrown at me, I'd go ouch.



And you're complaining?



That's because the Germans/Russians/Chinese/Americans/what have you are actually French.



See first point.



See point on unlimited ammo.



Funded by the U.S. Always throwing money at a problem.



Aye, but the troops are always stupid. Possibly French.



Nah, all that time they were stockpilling weapons.



Pockets.



Well, you were stupid enough to leave evidence.



Nah, a forklift suspends them in mid-air behind the curtain.



When you kill those monsters, they release oxygen as well as gold.



Next time you play a game, touch the screen where the sun is? Is it hot?



Go out into a foxes den. Do they give you tea and crumpets?



Really? In my experience, they die instantly.



AoE was set in times when gold was a valid currencey.



So why are you here?

Now, my friends, this person, (whoever they are) is truly amazing, I saw the long post before it and was already brimming with witty comments, but by the time I got to the end of it, I found that he had already said a lot of them, AND MORE!! Good work. Good sir, as stated in my earlier post, you must have laserbeam eyes.

There was a major thing that pissed me off about one game I hold in high regard - Halo. I thought the idea about only carrying two guns was genius - it limited the player to choosing a good balance of weapons and brought new feeling to FPSs. However, someone in Bungie obviously felt this may have created a limitation in the amount of people buying the game - the people who use a tonne of ammo just to waste one enemy. So what's the result? 660 rounds for the Assault rifle. Now, fair enough, a clip was 60 bullets (fucking big clip if you ask me) but even with one clip in the weapon that's good ole master chief carrying ten large clips. Not to mention the 8 grenades and possibility of a ROCKET LAUNCHER with 8 SPARE ROCKETS! IMHO, they should have made the rocket launcher only useable with a sidearm e.g. the pistol, or a plasma weapon e.g. the plasma rifle. Even if someone was 8ft tall, they could not carry that amount of munitions.

It states in the bio that Master Chief's suit, the Spartan (and thus, the Spartan Mk. VI in "Halo II") gives him the strength of several men even after the weight of the suit. This wasn't a dumb complaint b.t.w., good work. :)

Ihatevacations']when the game runs out of bad guys, all they have to do is add "dire" to the creatures name to double their creature database
D&D came up with that.

D&D came up with that.

..but bizarrely enough, the 'dire wolf' which was the seed of all that D&D/AD&D Monster Manual madness was an actual creature:

http://www.museum.state.il.us/exhibits/larson/images/dire_wolf.jpg

http://www.museum.state.il.us/exhibits/larson/canis.html

..but bizarrely enough, the 'dire wolf' which was the seed of all that D&D/AD&D Monster Manual madness was an actual creature:

http://www.museum.state.il.us/exhibits/larson/images/dire_wolf.jpg

http://www.museum.state.il.us/exhibits/larson/canis.html
:eek:

:eek:

Never let it be said that experiencing total party kill by kobold ambush in the very first dungeon of B2: Keep On The Unknown is not an educational experience. Heck, how else would people still know the meaning of the word 'dweomer'?

Ever notice how, in RPG's, the hero is a direct decendant of a previous hero? Also notice how the hero is usually different from the rest.

Here are some more:

Asian guys are usually wise martial arts masters
Americans are usually portrayed as heroes, fatasses, big mindless buffs, or any combo of 2 of the three mentioned unless just about everyone else is American, in which the cliches are void.
Africans/African Americans are almost never the main hero unless:
-the game's about gangs/crime
-it's create-a-hero time
-the game's supposed to be different
-the game takes place in Africa

Bosses are mostly bigger than you. Few are smaller or the same size as you
wolves are evil, unless you are one
half-most enemies are pretty ugly
the enemies are dumb enough to leave supplies where you can easily get them, like in crates or, oddly enough, grass(Zelda has them hidden in grass).

In the case with older games and/or Gameboy games, A almost always =jump in platformers.

mindless combos in fighters. How does kicking twice before punching while standing on one leg make someone shoot lasers?

someone acting like it's for real, yet tells you to press a button on the controller. wtf? I'm pretty sure no gamer is controlling me. please take 3 steps back and press ABXXYYtriangle purple whoopty-doo to jump. Press start to continue.

rumors are always correct. I heard that the sky is green. OMG! :eek: it really is green.

If a spell has a wierd name, there's a 50/50 chance that it's completely useless.

If the world's in danger without Mr. Floatytimer, it's not really in danger until you do something. You can do it a favor by doing nothing.

Big-head mode.

Unnecesary stealth. If I have a machine-gun with unlimited ammunition, an entire arsenal of nuclear weaponry, a sword that cuts through anything like a hot knife through butter, and three different flavors of pie, why am I hiding from Mr. Weakestenemyinanygameever? Why do I get a gameover/get thrown in prison when he sees me when I could just wipe him off the face of the game? Why can't my sword cut through wood and dirt when it can cut through several feet of diamond/steel? Is it super wood?

Rescuing princess/family member/world/sanity. Why doesn't the princess just get some freak'n body guards? Why did my sister fall into an obvious trap? Why does the villian want to blow up the planet he/she's currently on? Is he/she suicidal?

Bullet time. why the f is my character doing bullet time? It's a freak'n water balloon. You have water-proof armor. Act like it.

big breasts. Women have breasts. I know that. You know that. Why act like I don't? Get over it.

big breasts. Women have breasts. I know that. You know that. Why act like I don't? Get over it.

Gems like this make pissing my life away worthwhile.

Can't we let evil win just this once?
No.
Aw come on.
I said no.

With Geo-Mode: it doesn't matter about the material, it's all the same speckeled rock. And a rocket that can blast through rock can't take out my enhanced enemy in one shot?

Finally: If you can't destroy that door, why not armour the troops with it?

Finally: If you can't destroy that door, why not armour the troops with it?Brilliant.

Same with fences too.

"Ha! Your level 6402002 fireballs can't hit me! I've got a FENCE around me!"
"Dammit! Not the fucking fence!"
"Now watch as I walk in circles fighting random battles with wolves and DIRE wolves and level up to level 642003!"
"Shit shit shit shit I can't stop him! He's got the FENCE!"

I increase my power through experience points.

An enemy wipes out entire militaries that have magic and armor and metal, yet is killed by a kid with a twig. Come on. Is wood really that deadly? Are armies really that weak and stupid. Is the enemy tired out or something?

Squishy squishy. There goes the army. Stupid troops. They can't hurt me as long as I have this here fence made out of rotting wood. Their guns and flamethrowers are useless. Now, to take this gun out of my ass and to fire unlimited ammo at them. What's that? OMG OMFG :eek: A kid with a twig. Better take shelter on this here floaty platform and summon some wolves to conquer the world for me so I can hide healthpacs and ammo in crates and grass and kidnap that there princess. Look. Her breasts are bigger than she is. Security at my hideout won't be a problem. I got my weakest enemies guarding it, as well as traps that didn't work on the heroes the first million times, but are sure to work this time since they are hidden in broad daylight. Now to play with random chemicles and stupidly blow up the world I'm on because I'm evil and don't have a reason. Better paint my weakspots in easily spotted colors so the heroes know where to hit.

An enemy wipes out entire militaries that have magic and armor and metal, yet is killed by a kid with a twig. Come on. Is wood really that deadly? Are armies really that weak and stupid. Is the enemy tired out or something?

Squishy squishy. There goes the army. Stupid troops. They can't hurt me as long as I have this here fence made out of rotting wood. Their guns and flamethrowers are useless. Now, to take this gun out of my ass and to fire unlimited ammo at them. What's that? OMG OMFG :eek: A kid with a twig. Better take shelter on this here floaty platform and summon some wolves to conquer the world for me so I can hide healthpacs and ammo in crates and grass and kidnap that there princess. Look. Her breasts are bigger than she is. Security at my hideout won't be a problem. I got my weakest enemies guarding it, as well as traps that didn't work on the heroes the first million times, but are sure to work this time since they are hidden in broad daylight. Now to play with random chemicles and stupidly blow up the world I'm on because I'm evil and don't have a reason. Better paint my weakspots in easily spotted colors so the heroes know where to hit.

Or every plot writer used to write for B-Movies.

What is that supposed to mean? I was trying to include as many cliches as I could in a short paragraph of a story. :(

What is that supposed to mean? I was trying to include as many cliches as I could in a short paragraph of a story. :(

It's just that some plots seem like they could come from a B-Movie.

what about bosses that go through 4 different forms before dying?

Hero-RAWR *chops up evil boss-type thing with sword of crap +4*
Boss-*explosions*
Boss-*gets up*Now you will see my true form! *gets bigger*
---repeat as needed---

In games based on movies, random enemies that had nothing to do with the movie at all.

Dudes in Age of Empires (etc) can mysteriously build an astonishingly enormous, amazingly complicated wonder of the world just by hitting it with a hammer for a few seconds.

And how come in every RPG you can walk into people's houses and they just ignore you the entire time? Sometimes they even have casual talk with the STRANGER that just walked in!

"Sleep on my bed and rest? SURE!"


And I always wondered whether my characters liked sleeping in the nude.

And do they ever change the sheets in the Inns? Or do they just say "Well fuck that they're our only customers anyway and they come in every goddamn day"

In Morrowind (a RPG) if you're seen getting into a bed then the guards will chase after you in the same way as they do if you kill or steal. If you can get into the bed unseen then you can sleep there for as long as you like and nobody cares! Oh, and you could get away with any crime by taking your trousers off before the guards caught you but I think they fixed that in a patch. Damn!

Ihatevacations']when the game runs out of bad guys, all they have to do is add "dire" to the creatures name to double their creature database

My personal favourite was Age of Wonders's 'Dire Penguin'. That was awesome!

http://aow2.heavengames.com/aowsm/gameinfo/units/summoned.shtml#dire_penguin

In Morrowind (a RPG) if you're seen getting into a bed then the guards will chase after you in the same way as they do if you kill or steal. If you can get into the bed unseen then you can sleep there for as long as you like and nobody cares! Oh, and you could get away with any crime by taking your trousers off before the guards caught you but I think they fixed that in a patch. Damn!

Apparently mooning the cops stuns them into amnesia. =p

Apparently mooning the cops stuns them into amnesia. =p

Works for me every time. :D

Well...of course most games are almost completly without realism...especially the older ones. While it's funny to just gather these "errors" many of them are necessary to make a game playable. Others are just plain stupid cliches, course someone didn't care to spend some time just thinking of something new...

So we got two sorts of Cliche's: stupid but necessary and plain stupid

- Of course Quicksave, Savepoints etc. are horrible unrealistic...but without them most games would be absolutely unplayable. You could of course always go back to arcade days were a game didn't take more than 30 Minutes (and a lot of coins) to finish completly. So here's the prime example for stupid but necessary. It would be fine if some developers would try to think of some explanations why you are able to "save" your progres..if the scenario allows for it. Or you could just allow saving for continuing where you last stopped the game, but no multiple savegames. Or limited saves...been there, seen that. And to be honest...it sucked! It just ends in the gamer playing the same 30 minutes of the game again and again just to die at the midboss again. The gaming experience could be intensived by this...but mostly it's just plain annoying.

- Unlimited ammo, carrying loads of weapons and other inventory. Of course this is also unrealistic to the extreme. But if you choose to take an realistic approach and allow only for two small weapons and some ammo. But many players will mourn and not buy your game cause they want to play with different weapons to fit to different situations.

- Player is the lonely hero to save the princess/kingdom/world...Now, this is a tricky one. Of course new ideas are apreciated and no one wants the old story over and over again. So the developers should think of some new, maybe read a few good books, but realize it...in the end you gotta be the hero! Get over it and get the job done. Of course you could also play a game where you play a cop, go to a few years of training, walk the block for some more years and then get a office job where you can push around papers for 8 hours a day. Would be hell of fun, wouldn't it. Of course there are ways between these to extremes..and the developers should think of them. But a hero will be needede the most times...and i can't see me paying for a game where i spend my time watching an NPC doing his hero-thing.

Ok, this post is getting way too long, so i better cut it short

Lets finish with some of the just horrible cliches we just don't want to see anymore:
- All female charaters are nearly naked with their big boobs sticking out and hitting the hero each time they turn around. That's just simply annoying. Nothing against good loking female characters...i play for fun afterall...but show some more respect...
- BLACK/WHITE good/evil...the world is grey for heavens sake...One could think G.Bush spend his youth with video games when you look at his simple view on good and evil. The bad guy should have another motive than just to be the bad guy of the game...
- Fence etc. as map/ending...Ok, just plain stupid...There's no way you could trick me in believing that my soldier/hero/whatever can't jump small fence or for heavens sake just knock it down. Of course a map needs its borders, but think of something better. Walls, deep water with Piranhas...what ever...don't just let me look like stupid kid who can't get his feet of the ground...

Ok, enough of it...just wanted to add some funny anekdotes and look what you have done with me!

But I think there has been some progess. The storys are getting better and most of the cliches i read are from older games.

In the end it all boils down to "realism vs. fun" and please don't forget we're talking about GAMES here...they're supposed to be fun, you know...

I know the big boobs thing has been mentioned, but that doesn't bother me too much. What really bugs the crap out of me is that these huge-chested women have never once thought about purchasing a bra.

I know the big boobs thing has been mentioned, but that doesn't bother me too much. What really bugs the crap out of me is that these huge-chested women have never once thought about purchasing a bra.

Just plain respect for women would be good. In the mid 90's female gamers said they would play more if they weren't so objectified by games. Pity almost no-one has taken that on board *cringes in memory of the OoT ads*.

Just plain respect for women would be good. In the mid 90's female gamers said they would play more if they weren't so objectified by games. Pity almost no-one has taken that on board *cringes in memory of the OoT ads*.

You mean women are objectified by this?

http://www.psxzone.opalnet.pl/Texty/tinaarmstrong.jpeg

I believe Eidos got the message though. The next Tomb Raider game will have a much less absurd Lara Croft.

- All female charaters are nearly naked with their big boobs sticking out and hitting the hero each time they turn around. That's just simply annoying. Nothing against good loking female characters...i play for fun afterall...but show some more respect...
Not to mention, some guys, like myself, don’t like the idea that every main female character is a slut.
- BLACK/WHITE good/evil...the world is grey for heavens sake...One could think G.Bush spend his youth with video games when you look at his simple view on good and evil. The bad guy should have another motive than just to be the bad guy of the game...
A compelling villain is always a good thing. I’m trying to think of an example in video games, but I can’t. Can anybody else think of one?

A compelling villain is always a good thing. I’m trying to think of an example in video games, but I can’t. Can anybody else think of one?

Ramirez in Skies of Arcadia. Quite surprising how he turned out...

I kinda liked Sindri from Dawn of War too even though the plot was as old as 40k itself.

Ramirez in Skies of Arcadia. Quite surprising how he turned out...

I kinda liked Sindri from Dawn of War too even though the plot was as old as 40k itself.
Two games I’ve never played, nor really ever even heard about. Hooray!

Two games I’ve never played, nor really ever even heard about. Hooray!

Dawn of War. (www.dawnofwargame.com) PC RTS game.

Skies of Arcadia was an RPG on the Dreamcast which got ported (and improved) to the Gamecube.

I'm too lazy to check on the troops and see if anyone is dead or missing.

Now, my friends, this person, (whoever they are) is truly amazing, I saw the long post before it and was already brimming with witty comments, but by the time I got to the end of it, I found that he had already said a lot of them, AND MORE!! Good work. Good sir, as stated in my earlier post, you must have laserbeam eyes.

Thanks...I think.

From Stalingrad, to about 50 thousand more levels of Stalingrad, to suddenly showing up in front of Berlin with a tank, to storming the Reichstag yourself.

Actually, while the first few Russian levels or so in Stalingrad (the first 3 or so), the other levels are not. I know (Spoilers-higlight to read)in one you infiltrate a factory in Warsaw, and another takes place away from Stalingrad. Also, the tank levels are not "in front of Berlin," but rather take place near the Oder River.

And I LIKE the health packs - couldn't get through CoD without them. But the point is made regarding indestructible walls, crates, etc.; I could see an Onion story being written about the Pentagon armoring our vehicles in Iraq with videogame objects. :)

Not to mention, some guys, like myself, don’t like the idea that every main female character is a slut.

A compelling villain is always a good thing. I’m trying to think of an example in video games, but I can’t. Can anybody else think of one?

Magus from Chrono Trigger. And does any modern PC game actually still use save points? Not including console ports of course.

Another cliche: How come the most powerful weapon the main character can possess is unpronounceable?

Another cliche: How come the most powerful weapon the main character can possess is unpronounceable?

"Rocket Launcher". I can say that just fine. :D

Big F***ing Gun 9000. That's not very hard to say.

"Rocket Launcher". I can say that just fine. :D

I was actually refering to RPG's, where the big sword he has always has stupid names.

Uhh, Big F***ing Sword +9000?

Are you refering to Masamune and Murusame?

I was actually refering to RPG's, where the big sword he has always has stupid names.

I know what you were referring to; I was just being a jerk. Sorry. :)

Uhh, Big F***ing Sword +9000?

Are you refering to Masamune and Murusame?

I was thinking of the Kikuichimonji from Golden Sun.

And others.

I was thinking of the Kikuichimonji from Golden Sun.

And others.

Or a zweihänder.

Anyway I hate it when they misname weapons, or there is an all powerful weapon of infinite power that makes all other weapons pathetic (Like in Kingdom hearts, the last weapon you just swing and teh enemies are like "Ach schizen die hero ist killing me. Ashswell*)

*Jibean catch phrase similar to oh well, but better.

You can kill the same enemy a hundred times, but your rocket launcher never damages your teammates. (Medal of Honor and other FPS's)

Yeah it would be good to kill teamates *sigh* :mp5:

Has anyone ever played Fable? That game was one big cliche.

Or a zweihänder.

Anyway I hate it when they misname weapons, or there is an all powerful weapon of infinite power that makes all other weapons pathetic (Like in Kingdom hearts, the last weapon you just swing and teh enemies are like "Ach schizen die hero ist killing me. Ashswell*)

*Jibean catch phrase similar to oh well, but better.

Oh, there should be a mega weapon, but you shouldn't be able to aquire it in the course of the game. It should be hidden, preferably in a super-hard demon thing.

Oh, there should be a mega weapon, but you shouldn't be able to aquire it in the course of the game. It should be hidden, preferably in a super-hard demon thing.
Which leads to another of my favorite rpg cliche: creatures dropping weapons and items they shouldnt have

"Holy shit, I just got a +1 crooked dagger... wait, how the hell did a rat get a crooked dagger? Did he EAT it or something? what the hell."

and of course, when the monsters actually DO have weapons they NEVER drop that particular weapon

"OH cool, that monster is wielding the uber rare, hard-as-hell-to-find shadow blade. *kills* What the hell is this? Glittering dust? Son of a bitch"

Ihatevacations']Which leads to another of my favorite rpg cliche: creatures dropping weapons and items they shouldnt have

"Holy shit, I just got a +1 crooked dagger... wait, how the hell did a rat get a crooked dagger? Did he EAT it or something? what the hell."

and of course, when the monsters actually DO have weapons they NEVER drop that particular weapon

"OH cool, that monster is wielding the uber rare, hard-as-hell-to-find shadow blade. *kills* What the hell is this? Glittering dust? Son of a bitch"

Weapons are damagable and can break, monsters don't use some things they drop because the drop rate is based on random numbers, or I could just say because they are not proficient with them. Yes animals eat the weapons/gold.

Ihatevacations']Which leads to another of my favorite rpg cliche: creatures dropping weapons and items they shouldnt have

"Holy shit, I just got a +1 crooked dagger... wait, how the hell did a rat get a crooked dagger? Did he EAT it or something? what the hell."

I always assumed they eat the gold.

and of course, when the monsters actually DO have weapons they NEVER drop that particular weapon

"OH cool, that monster is wielding the uber rare, hard-as-hell-to-find shadow blade. *kills* What the hell is this? Glittering dust? Son of a bitch"

I know what you mean. Happens too much.

Maybe I should mention the fact that I created a first person shooter using vb. It was great, your average enemy pops up randomly you shoot it before he damages you.

I used:
Teddy bears as weak enemies- Deals 5 damage
Illithids as medium- Deals 10 damage
Beholders as hard- Deals 13 damage
Teddy King as Harder- Deals 25 damage
Grenady (A cartoon grenade)- Deals 99 damage (You only have 100, plus three life packs (Plus 20 health each).

Teddy to beholders damage after 5 seconds range from sizes medium to large
Teddy King damage after 3 seconds size medium and rare (1 in every 100 random numbers (I think he was number 2 or 13)
Grenady deals damage after 1 second size extremly small (the area was less then 500 twips) he was rarer then the Teddy king (I think)

All required a one shot kill. Three levels. First anywhere from 1 to five teddies, then 1-5 teddies plus 0-5 illithids then finally you either have 0-2 teddies, 0-2 illithids, 0-2 beholders, or grenady else the Teddyking.

The invincible hedges/fences in racing/sports/RPG's. Like in True Crime, You can punch through iron fences. In Need For Speed Underground 2, you can't drive your 400hp Hummer through a hedge.

And another thing. You know what I'm talking about as you've probably said it yourself. "I'm not even gonna ask where that white wolf was keeping that battleaxe."

The invincible hedges/fences in racing/sports/RPG's. Like in True Crime, You can punch through iron fences. In Need For Speed Underground 2, you can't drive your 400hp Hummer through a hedge.

And another thing. You know what I'm talking about as you've probably said it yourself. "I'm not even gonna ask where that white wolf was keeping that battleaxe."

In his mouth, cant you see him chopping down those trees?

Go ahead, smash all those pots. Not only willthe people who own the house forgive you, but they'll let you keep all the rupees you find, too.


They don't get mad because the pots magiaclly reform after you leave and comeback! :D

Another Cliché: All impossibly huge, metal-clad, rocket-shooting, world-conquering bosses can either be brought down by lobbing grenades into their mouth or by hitting their big-flashing-red achilles heel.

annoying background music

the classic has to be the original N64 James bond Golden eye, with the exploding chairs and tables and crates and barrels and alarms, you name it

RPG classics, Clear this cellar of rats. who can loose a battle against a big RAT!!!!!

Bosses who can take more bullets than a regular grunt

Another Cliché: All impossibly huge, metal-clad, rocket-shooting, world-conquering bosses can either be brought down by lobbing grenades into their mouth or by hitting their big-flashing-red achilles heel.
unless of course it is a arcade FPS where they assume you have the shooting skills of a ceritified sniper and make their achilles heal obscure points on their head in a 2 inch space surrounded by armor which you are expected to hit while moving at 30 miles an hour and while they are bobbing and weaving like muhammad ali

BOSS PATTERNS!!!!
Why why why, does every boss, always follow the same goddamn pattern. This is no matter how often you *throw a grenade - run aimlessly - hide behind conveniently placed crates - pop up and shoot - run some more - throw a grenade*. Is it too hard to realise that I'm gonna throw a grenade/fire a rocket at you if you turn your back? Metal Gear 3, I'm looking at you here.

And how in hell does building city walls help to defend against a Radar Guided Artillery bombardment followed by a division of Tanks? On Civ 3 my Modern Armour got wiped by some weedy spearman. WTF?

Big, big Swords and heavy armour. The hero (and important villains) uses a sword that would weigh some 30+ kilos for hours on end, singlehanded, has a shield that is made from 4" thick steel and wears an armour that would immobilize the Hulk by sheer weight.

Nothing good ever comes out of a meteorite.
Wrong, young grasshopper. I says: M.U.L.E.!

oh fun bit in a game

in MoHFF when you walk along the path then the other guy jumps out in front of you. I ALWAYS jumped and blew that guy to pieces with my springfield. but he never dies :(

Maybe I should mention the fact that I created a first person shooter using vb. It was great, your average enemy pops up randomly you shoot it before he damages you.

I used:
Teddy bears as weak enemies- Deals 5 damage
Illithids as medium- Deals 10 damage
Beholders as hard- Deals 13 damage
Teddy King as Harder- Deals 25 damage
Grenady (A cartoon grenade)- Deals 99 damage (You only have 100, plus three life packs (Plus 20 health each).

Teddy to beholders damage after 5 seconds range from sizes medium to large
Teddy King damage after 3 seconds size medium and rare (1 in every 100 random numbers (I think he was number 2 or 13)
Grenady deals damage after 1 second size extremly small (the area was less then 500 twips) he was rarer then the Teddy king (I think)

All required a one shot kill. Three levels. First anywhere from 1 to five teddies, then 1-5 teddies plus 0-5 illithids then finally you either have 0-2 teddies, 0-2 illithids, 0-2 beholders, or grenady else the Teddyking.

Got a link so I can download it?

"Level 89 Wolf? No problem!"
"A fence? Oh shit, let's turn around you guys!"

I also have a question as to where the monsters/npc's get all of their levels from! I mean... as you go further into any adventure, the monsters ALWAYS have more levels... did they just grow up in a rough part of town? Has their entire lifetime been spent devouring creatures of similar difficulty, and if so, why are there still so many damn monsters around!? :P

random encounters. One minute, you're walking towards a city in the middle of a treeless area with barely any grass(lawn grass that is apparently mowed everyday by some unseen groundskeeper). The next minute, you're in an arena fighting a giant. wtf? Where did all of this come from? Was my drinking water spiked again? It's always spiked in RPG's.

Engrish. It can be fun as long as you don't need to figure out what it means. All my base belongs to who? What does "someone set us up the bomb" mean, anyway? What does this have to do about the new mini-quest you're sending me on?

Yay. Someone finally agrees with me about over-sized breasts. They should be smaller than the woman's home planet, not bigger.

Wolves are evil now, but not when we domesticated them into dogs. Dogs are good. Wolves are bad, especially dire wolves behing fences.

How about the times where you play in the beginnning of the game, "Oh shit, there are the "invincible" evil forces, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE NOW!!!! THEY ARE IMMUNE TO ANYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO TO THEM. IF YOU TRY TO ATTACK THEM, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO THEM AND THEY WILL KILL YOU IN ONE HIT! Soon after, you encounter them again, and they are quite mortal. You can even equip your old shitty weapons from the beginning, and they harm the enemy. For instance, Fighter pilot games, Many RPGs.

...or "Help! I'm a 6'11" man that is twice your weight, height, strength, etc. Can you bring/save my (insert item, person, dog here)?

I always found it funny when I got attacked by hippies in Earthbound.

How about the times where you play in the beginnning of the game, "Oh shit, there are the "invincible" evil forces, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE NOW!!!! THEY ARE IMMUNE TO ANYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLY DO TO THEM. IF YOU TRY TO ATTACK THEM, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO THEM AND THEY WILL KILL YOU IN ONE HIT! Soon after, you encounter them again, and they are quite mortal. You can even equip your old shitty weapons from the beginning, and they harm the enemy. For instance, Fighter pilot games, Many RPGs.

Actually, in many RPG's, when you first meet the bad-guy, you are generally weaker, and you have to lose to progress the story.

I also have a question as to where the monsters/npc's get all of their levels from! I mean... as you go further into any adventure, the monsters ALWAYS have more levels... did they just grow up in a rough part of town? Has their entire lifetime been spent devouring creatures of similar difficulty, and if so, why are there still so many damn monsters around!? :P
And why don't these people who are begging ME to go save the world just go pay the monsters a handsome fee to go fight for them? Nooooo....ask the 12 year old with no abilities and who has dead parents! Not like he has anything to live for anyway!

I was thinking of the Kikuichimonji from Golden Sun.

And others.

Ah, most Japanese turn based RPGs use weapons from Japanese mythology, so that's why they sound\look weird.

Basically ran around bashing Nazis with my rifle. Not fun. :(
I have to point out: that certainly sounds like fun!

here's a basic list:
items in crates
big breasts
evil wolves
fences you can't pass and/or destroy
block puching puzzles
Dire-anything
items with confusing names.(some of us aren't Japanese, you know.)
random battles
bosses with glaring weaknesses
load-bearing bosses
town getting all explody
dumb enemies
even dumber allies
French troops dressed up as Americans, Russians, Brits, Nazis, Magazines, etc.
whores as allies
whores as enemies
useless mascots
big-head mode
enemies hiding behind explosives
Engrish
Police targetting you and not those who helped you, left fingure-prints everywhere, were caught in the act, and even still there
kidnap princesses
weak princesses
conquering world
bad-guy living in ring
fighter combos
etc.

Well for the item names, it makes sense where the game is originally made for, and the translations would probably be pronouncable, but would sound stupid as a sword name. Some swords, like Masamune, were named after the people who forged them.

Is it just me or are there a significant number of BBEG that never deal with the heros when they start messing with their plans?

Random goon: Sir we just received a report about a *insert detailed discription of hero/heros here* destroying one of our bases perhaps we should do something about it?

BBEG: Fuck that, now get me a Martini and put the Wagner CD on. We'll deal with that shit later.

How long will it be before Xbox Live is used to update games that have flaws?

I give it 3 years.

Um, now. They offer patches to you everytime you log on. Only certain games have or necessitate patches however (Halo2).

Bard's Tale actually makes fun of the fact that you open chests that belong to people and that money and whatnot spills out when you kills beasts. They also have a quest where once you talk to a barrelmaker he pays you to around into people's places and smash barrels so he can sell them more. Now THAT's realistic ;-)

Not to mention, some guys, like myself, don’t like the idea that every main female character is a slut.

A compelling villain is always a good thing. I’m trying to think of an example in video games, but I can’t. Can anybody else think of one?

Or every video game guy for that matter. I think with that thing dangling between my legs so much that I can't figure out that the women I'm trying to save is evil or I can be seduced by someone that wants to kill me (throw movies into that one). I mean if I was evil and a woman and I thought I could seduce and then kill someone instead of them killing me I'd definitely do that, but why do the heros always fall for it. Yes, there are maidens just waiting to sleep with a hero, but what I really need is a half-demon that wants to eat my soul.

for fps: headhitboxes are rarely, if ever, properly on the head

How's my list?

Brilliant.

Same with fences too.

"Ha! Your level 6402002 fireballs can't hit me! I've got a FENCE around me!"
"Dammit! Not the fucking fence!"
"Now watch as I walk in circles fighting random battles with wolves and DIRE wolves and level up to level 642003!"
"Shit shit shit shit I can't stop him! He's got the FENCE!"
LOL, it's so true!

Actually, in many RPG's, when you first meet the bad-guy, you are generally weaker, and you have to lose to progress the story.

Which is something else I hate. In some games, you're just a plain badass (at least, if you're like me, and you level up so each new area you go in proclaims you a god, or at least, really fucking tough guy/girl/creature), and they expect me to lose, when I've got a damned awesome character? *twitches*

Here are some cliches that often get passed onto games.

http://www.enphilistor.users4.50megs.com/cliche.htm

If that doesn't work, try taking off the www.

"General! We should f###king pull out of Iraq, now! THE ENEMY HAS PUT UP FENCES AS WELL AS GETTING MORE MAGICAL HEALING ICE CREAM AND ROAST BEEF!"

How's my list?

Pretty good.

thanks.

I'm amazed why the hottest character in the game is always underage, single, and not even pregnated.

I'm amazed why the hottest character in the game is always underage, single, and not even pregnated.

Because she usually has skills and the will to pummel anyone attempting to do so into mush?

Because she usually has skills and the will to pummel anyone attempting to do so into mush?
HER?
http://www.aristasia.co.uk/gsmia.jpg

She sold that thing of hers down there for money needed for plastic surgery. I won't even say what the thing is. Take a wild guess. That long thing on men goes in it and babies come out 9 months later.

She might have some magic birth control going on.

HER?
http://www.aristasia.co.uk/gsmia.jpg
Golden Sun. Sweet. :D

Anyway, she does travel with three men who don’t seem interested in her at all. That probably helps. I mean, who’s going to risk taking a pass at someone who appears to have three well-armed brothers (as in sibling, not black guys) with her at all times?

Ever notice, how in many RPG's, the characters all dress up in the fruitiest of all clothing.

In many RPG's, the longer a woman's dress, the weaker her physical strength. This may or may not be compensated by magic.

The prettier the female scientist, the smarter she is. The older the scientist, the crazier/smarter he or she is.

witches are usually old hags who most likely managed to survive the witch trials and father time.

Empires are evil. Kingdoms are good.

The more powerful the enemy, the dumber it is.

How's the list I posted on page 14?

How's the list I posted on page 14?
Idea-spawning. ;)

HER?
http://www.aristasia.co.uk/gsmia.jpg

I would have to ask. Who's that? And secondary note, what system?

I see that insanely large breasts have been mentioned, but has anyone discussed female characters' clothing (or lack thereof)? I'm always amused by these characters' choices of attire. One pictures the average female warrior standing in front of her closet before a day of fighting monsters, thinking, "Hmm...full-body armor - no...comfortable pants and a T-shirt - no...ridiculously skimpy chain-mail bikini top and matching miniskirt - YES! After all, what's more important, comfort and freedom of movement or looking totally HAWT for the monsters? And it's not like I use my vital organs for anything anyway..."

My personal favourite was Age of Wonders's 'Dire Penguin'. That was awesome!

http://aow2.heavengames.com/aowsm/gameinfo/units/summoned.shtml#dire_penguin

:D

<-- is also a fan of the squeaky Dire Penguin (and of Age of Wonders).

I see that insanely large breasts have been mentioned, but has anyone discussed female characters' clothing (or lack thereof)? I'm always amused by these characters' choices of attire. One pictures the average female warrior standing in front of her closet before a day of fighting monsters, thinking, "Hmm...full-body armor - no...comfortable pants and a T-shirt - no...ridiculously skimpy chain-mail bikini top and matching miniskirt - YES! After all, what's more important, comfort and freedom of movement or looking totally HAWT for the monsters? And it's not like I use my vital organs for anything anyway..."

Lady Chris in Suikoden 3 was an exception to this rule. Gauntlets, breastplate, leather skirt, greaves, just about the correct dosage of armored wear for the medieval age warrior I think.

I have to point out: that certainly sounds like fun!Only for some of us.... :rolleyes:

I would have to ask. Who's that? And secondary note, what system?
Mia, from Golden Sun/ Golden Sun 2 on the GBA

Pretty fun game.

I swear it had mind-control powers that made me play through both games TWICE.

1) sleep restores full hitpoints yet time doesn't move forwards - I'll take a short nap and get back 99% of my health.

2) it takes so long to get your ultimate weapons that by the time you get them... you can defeat the big bad boss with the kids and the healer. (FFX)

3) you can bitch slap the final boss but still can't defeat some smucks 'experiment' (FFX)

4)
http://www.rpgworldcomic.com/comics/20000910.jpg

5)
http://www.rpgworldcomic.com/comics/20001119.jpg

Got a link so I can download it?

No, the drive it was on got wiped out, but if I get the program, I'll try to remake it.

FFX is so easy to level up in...haha....my Yuna can hit with 9999 with her stupid little staff. It's hilarious.

FFX is so easy to level up in...haha....my Yuna can hit with 9999 with her stupid little staff. It's hilarious.
so you didn't get the "Limit Break" for Yuna then? she can hit a lot harder than 9999

I had her follow Lulu's path, (Riku too) so the battle with Sin was so short.
three casters with Double Cast, Limit Break, and 1 mp cost... 1 round of combat and sin went down.

Wooden objects that still do damage to fire monsters and don't burn.
The only thing protecting that dire-wolf is a fence. You can't even shoot through the gaps.
food heals all wounds
in many sci-fi scenerios, the party going on a dangerous mission always has erreplacable people, like the captain, the chief engineer, the only one who can contact other starcrews, the chief medic. The ones who are allowed to stay safe are the ones you can actually replace, like the soldiers that are meant to go on the dangerous missions.

glass is bulletproof, and heavy explosive proof..

Cities are always perfectly safe until you progress through the game. The only threat to the world is you.

Legends are 100% true. Rumors are always accurate. Believe everything you here.

The strength of a woman is determined by the length of her skirt. Stronger women tend to wear mini-skirts. Weaker ones wear skirts that sometimes touch the skirt.

Dire-anything. Dire-wolf. Dire-bunny. Dire-pie. Dire-goodguy. Dires are always evil, even the dire-goodguys.

Unltimate weapons aren't.

Fruity-sounding spells almost never work.

White mages are healers.

Police target you and not the guy gunning down orphans right in front of the coppers. You are the only crinimal.

Your allies are actually French. That's why they stink at fighting and in smell.

Any others? Why not combine some cliches into a story? Most cliches wins.

Any others? Why not combine some cliches into a story? Most cliches wins.

Not in MY thread!
*flip jumps into vents to get to Avika*
No1 starts baiting forumites to show off their sub-standard wit, but ME!
*drops into Avika's room and kicks Avika's ass, Jackie Chan style*
Zexaland: 1 Avika: 0
*strikes stupid pose*

Not in MY thread!
*flip jumps into vents to get to Avika*
No1 starts baiting forumites to show off their sub-standard wit, but ME!
*drops into Avika's room and kicks Avika's ass, Jackie Chan style*
Zexaland: 1 Avika: 0
*strikes stupid pose*

FINISH THEM!

FINISH THEM!

*Drumroll, screen darkens*
Zexaland:*rips off mask* TOASTY! *flames Avika to death*
Announcer: ZEXALAND WINS, FATALITY! FLAWLESS VICTORY!

That reminds me, in most fighting games, when you win, they just say "You Win" or "(Your Character) Wins", and when you lose they say "(Opponent's character) Wins" or "You lose".

You guys are totally overlooking the difference between cliche and stuff thats there for a good reason... like for example, White mages are healers because well... they use White Magic, which is according to mythology healing and positive energy magic. Also, please, when someone wants to complain about something and say, "Why is it that in every game... (insert complaint about so-called cliches here)", make sure that you didn't just think of one game and not all of the others. The comment about the ultimate weapons being unpronouncable for example... take Final Fantasy VIII, Squall's final weapon was the Lionheart, that's not hard to say unless your IQ is below room temperature, in Final Fantasy X, Rikku's ultimate weapon is the Godshand. The main characters weapons typically aren't hard to say... I'm sorry but, even if that was true, that's not a cliche... Next up, why can't you go through doors that you aren't directly told to go through? I can't believe you even asked that... if you could go anywhere you wanted, then you'd be complaining about how you wandered out of the military base, into Las Vegas, gambled away all your mission funds and can't get back without a whole lot of walking... Not to mention, then the game would have to have a main quest that consisted of two rooms, because there'd be so many places to go that the game wouldn't have enough memory to do anything cool, like new monsters, thus prolonging the life of the dire-everything situation. And as for dungeons having numerous repetitive traps... you better not be the one complaining about games not being realistic enough, any villain who spends twenty years making each of his traps unique probably got mugged on the way back to his hideout and is already dead anyway. Ever heard of wholesale? It's cheaper. Next point women wearing skimpy clothing, I agree totally, I think that women should wear decent clothes. However, I find it annoying how, initially (this is true, look it up) women were some of the ones who came up with this, it was their way of compensating for the 'control' that men had over women in the past. By wearing crazy things, they get attention... this isn't true of everyone, mostly just teenage moms and/or strippers, or the occasional insecure person, who may end up as either one of the things I just listed. (That wasn't meant to be offensive, if anyone takes offense, you most likely misunderstood, simply read it until you understand, or stop being to uptight.) Alright now... alright, and for the biggest exception to the ally-not-doing shit rule... Sgt. Johnson in Halo 2 (yes I refer to H2 a lot), the last battle is only won because he can snipe a tiny spot on the brute leader guy while he's running at top speed. However, typically I agree with the comment, there are a few exceptions, like the helpers in Resident Evil Outbreak, as dumb as they are, they pick up equipment and find you and give it to you. That's badass. Right... um cool badguys, I CANNOT believe no one has mentioned Sephiroth from FFVII and Kefka from FFIII (I think its III). Sephiroth isn't just all, "I'm a bad guy... raaaa..." he's a carefully thought out character with intense emotion and reasoning behind his actions, as misguided and sociopathic as they may be. But most of all, I would like to give some severe congratulatory points to whoever made the it's just a game and some things have to stay the same for the games to be fun. As for the whole savepoints are unrealistic thing... I'm sorry, I will never come out and just bash someone for a stupid comment... except for situations like this... holy crap, you are dumb. You can just go play your 70 odd hour rather difficult decision based no savepoint game. Microsoft is more likely to become a nonprofit organization than you are to ever complete even 70% of that game without a guide. Oh right, you know what really pisses me off, when people say that they beat the entire game of something without a players guide and you know they used one. "Yes friend, I'm sure that you randomly figured out the exact right combination of people to talk to in the exact right order, I mean, there's only 448928385939293848923438502394 of them spread about the world, and some disappear at a certain point. Oh, and you beat the game that is estimated (by the makers) to take 84 hours in only 25?!? Wow, you're a guru, NO!!! F*** that! seriously, if you need to lie about your video game skills, then you know what, I'm just real... real...real.... sorry. So until next time, God... I can't think of any nice thing to say, I'm just appalled at some of the idiocy on this site. (I'm not trying to be mean, some people just force me to be) :rolleyes: -OH GOD NO!!! :sniper: -HAHAHA

Paragraphs. Please? Every time you use bad grammar, God kills a kitten, a hot chick/dude, and a famous video game designer.

Next point women wearing skimpy clothing, I agree totally, I think that women should wear decent clothes. However, I find it annoying how, initially (this is true, look it up) women were some of the ones who came up with this, it was their way of compensating for the 'control' that men had over women in the past. By wearing crazy things, they get attention... this isn't true of everyone, mostly just teenage moms and/or strippers, or the occasional insecure person, who may end up as either one of the things I just listed. (That wasn't meant to be offensive, if anyone takes offense, you most likely misunderstood, simply read it until you understand, or stop being to uptight.)

I'm not sure what you're talking about - I was talking about female characters in games, who are fictional and thus presumably do not actually have a say in their attire.

Final Fantasy - if its the FINAL fantasy, let the goddamn continual sequels END!!!

Hey, I LIKE Final Fantasty!

Final Fantasy - if its the FINAL fantasy, let the goddamn continual sequels END!!!

Technically their not sequals. Each one didn't have anything to do with the previous one.

Technically their not sequals. Each one didn't have anything to do with the previous one.
Except FFX and FFX-2....Man that confused so many people thinking that FFXII already came out.

Well, yes, that was the only exception to date.

Here are some annoying things in video games that keep popping up, feel free to add our own.

1) Irrational healing items-medikits, food, etc. just lying around or surrended by enemies or pink heart or dinner meal items that somehow reverse the effects of bullets, etc. "Yeah, pal, you keep shooting that Uzi. I have a roast beef here that says you don't have enough bullets in that thing to kill my hungry ass!"

2) Smashable crates-I'm watching you, Crash Bandicoot!

3) Explosive barrels-What ARE they filled with, anyway? Petrol? Nitro?

4) Key items such as keys (D'uh!) protected by traps/puzzles/"dead" enemies-This cliche` is very prevalent in adventure and survival horror games.

5) The most poweful weapons always having the lest ammo and/or protected (see above)-The BFG in Doom or the Rifle in Silent Hill 2 good example of this.

6) Main hero trying to save/avenge girlfriend/father/family/wife/friends/master/society/self/etc.-Shemue, Halo, Half Life, Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, etc.


Point 6 is rather lame, what do you want from a game ?

To die and its over, play ALIENS you can go the alien !

Battlefield 2 is amazing and San Andreas, DOOM 3 is crap another ' shoot and find key' game over and over again !!

i dont post much at all, if ive ever posted before this one... i dunno... but at the end of the day, its only a game, so what if it follows a few stupid cliches like the ability to save oneself from death by eating half an apple pie, or finding bullets and guns on park benches to defeat the evil plague of zombies... what would you all suggest you place to heal yourself with? a quick key combination to surgically remove a bullet and stitch up you arm? maybe breaking into the chemists and robbing a few plasters for the grazes on your knees. no offense meant to anybody, but get a life. if these games didnt have cliches, then you would have to spend valuable gaming time reading manuals on how to heal etc, at least if i see a glowing, floaty medipack, i know im gonna be healed up. you're all complaining that you see these stupid things all too often in the games... why complain, just stop buying the damned things... its a simple solution to something giving you all soooo much grief. :headbang: :mp5: :sniper: :gundge:

i dont post much at all, if ive ever posted before this one... i dunno... but at the end of the day, its only a game, so what if it follows a few stupid cliches like the ability to save oneself from death by eating half an apple pie, or finding bullets and guns on park benches to defeat the evil plague of zombies... what would you all suggest you place to heal yourself with? a quick key combination to surgically remove a bullet and stitch up you arm? maybe breaking into the chemists and robbing a few plasters for the grazes on your knees. no offense meant to anybody, but get a life. if these games didnt have cliches, then you would have to spend valuable gaming time reading manuals on how to heal etc, at least if i see a glowing, floaty medipack, i know im gonna be healed up. you're all complaining that you see these stupid things all too often in the games... why complain, just stop buying the damned things... its a simple solution to something giving you all soooo much grief. :headbang: :mp5: :sniper: :gundge:

Deus Ex did try and do away with the cliched ammo/guns/health in wierd places but.

2 give a decent example of little cliched games...far cry, the guns and ammo are either in cabins and on shelves etc, yet admittedly, you use a medikit to heal up, but how else could you do it...

2 give a decent example of little cliched games...far cry, the guns and ammo are either in cabins and on shelves etc, yet admittedly, you use a medikit to heal up, but how else could you do it...

Seconded.

1. Woman fighters/warriors barely wearing anything. There are some exceptions, like in Metroid and Super Smash Bros. Melee. You're going to fight a horde of viking Zombies with chainsaws and added intelligence dressed like a slut? You might want to put on some extra padding.

2. Evil wolves. It's been overdone. It's not needed. Let's not use it.

3. Inability to jump. Don't blame Zelda because you could jump off ledges in that game.

4. Jumping like you're on the moon. It made sense in those Mario games. Look what he eats. 'Shrooms. He has a drug addiction. Of course he's going to see mushroom people.

5. Floaty coins. I better hear a good explanation for how you got my money to float like that.

6. Stupid enemies. Are French troops really cheaper than hired thugs?

7. Even dumber allies. See comment for #6.

8. Load-bearing bosses. I wonder how many corners were cut to save money?

9. "emergencies". Often times, emergencies only turn into disasters in RPG's when you progress through the game. The only real threat to humanity is you.

10. Force-field jails. Every power-outage is a jailbreak.

11. "expert" fighters turn into pancies when they join your party. o.......k.....

12. Zombies. Come on. You can be more creative than that.

13. Weak princesses. Can't they afford body guards?

14. Kidnapped princesses. If you still refuse to get those body guards, then you deserve to be kidnapped.

15. multi-stage bosses "Prepare to fight my ultimate form." "That's what you said last time."

16. Rumors and legends are 100% true. Believe them.

17. Good kingdoms and evil empires.

The "turn on the power somehow" puzzles. Can't any1 get a F***ING SECOND POWER SOURCE?!

1. The ability to perform perfectly regardless of your health status.
2. Never tripping/falling down/losing balance, whether jumping or running into things or whatever...does every character have PERFECT coordination?
3. Enemies who are capable of knowing where you are NO MATTER WHAT.