NationStates Jolt Archive

Welll, if he exists, he is.
I just wanted to and then he made my aunt (who is a nun) call me.
q.e.d.

Welll, if he exists, he is.
I just wanted to and then he made my aunt (who is a nun) call me.
q.e.d.

LoL I don't know if your pulling my leg ( am i really this dumb )

How did your aunt know you were pulling one off ?

LoL sorry man I couldn't resist :p

Think Of The Kittens, Man, Think Of The Kittens!!

If god was really against masturbation he'd have hired a prostitute for you.

Bluestrips2']
How did your aunt know you were pulling one off ?


Did she have to know? God just could have...

Did she have to know? God just could have...

LooL :D

Every time you masturbate, a kittem is killed...just remember that... :mp5:

Masturbation is actually quite healthy, it helps to clean out if you know what I mean. Don't over use it though. I thought only Catholics were against masturbation, thought most Protestants don't like it.

As a friend wants told me, if God didn't want you to, he would have put it on your back.

Just about every religion is against masturbating. I think the arabs arent against, they love it. But when you go get facts on this you will see that maybe even, the religious ppl jack off.

Welll, if he exists, he is.
I just wanted to and then he made my aunt (who is a nun) call me.
q.e.d.

You'll go blind! :D

i`ve never heard such rot, get a life, if you want to masterbate y not? your not harming anyone if you do itin private and a word of advice............. get a lock for your door then nuns and whoever can`t get in when you are enjoying yourself ;)

Masturbation is actually quite healthy, it helps to clean out if you know what I mean. Don't over use it though. I thought only Catholics were against masturbation, thought most Protestants don't like it.

I heard that, because it cleans out you know what I mean that it helps prevent some types of cancer.
So, in this light, whilst the doctors are out there fighting the big fight against cancer, in some small way at least, Pamela Anderson, Lucy Liu, Jenna Jameson and Salma Hayek are all doing their own small part, too.

Just about every religion is against masturbating. I think the arabs arent against, they love it. But when you go get facts on this you will see that maybe even, the religious ppl jack off.

You realize, first of all, that you're wrong and second of all that "arab people" does not constitute a religious group, right?

Wanking is great LOL :D

Welll, if he exists, he is.
I just wanted to and then he made my aunt (who is a nun) call me.
q.e.d.

Bull. If God had intended for us not to masturbate, He'd have made our arms shorter! :D

Bull. If God had intended for us not to masturbate, He'd have made our arms shorter! :D

If god had intended us not to shoot people he would of made us with no brains to make them ?

Once when I was jerkin my turkin (can I say that?), my mom came in and yelled at me "is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?" :D

Once when I was jerkin my turkin (can I say that?), my mom came in and yelled at me "is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?" :D

LooL :D


Oh man the thought of being caught is nearly enough to put me of, but thats what locked doors are for :D

What god wants you to do is marry a girl who just had her period and then screw her eyeballs off. Only way to not waste your seed and all that, you see.

Bluestrips2']Oh man the thought of being caught is nearly enough to put me of, but thats what locked doors are for :D

Having been caught in the act more than once I can say, that a lock on my door would have saved me from quite a bit of embarassment. Thankfully both of my parents, my sister and two of my friends have all been civilized enough not to bring the matter up again, although none of them seem to be civilized enough to knock.

Did she have to know? God just could have...
Smited him!

Once when I was jerkin my turkin (can I say that?), my mom came in and yelled at me "is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?" :D

Aw, you should have made a joke about how "Jesus is coming".

There are some times when it needs to be mentioned...

Having been caught in the act more than once I can say, that a lock on my door would have saved me from quite a bit of embarassment. Thankfully both of my parents, my sister and two of my friends have all been civilized enough not to bring the matter up again, although none of them seem to be civilized enough to knock.

Anyone who barges into someone else's room without knocking first gets no sympathy from me for seeing things that they'd rather un-see again. Not that there's anything to be embarrassed about, there... I mean, it's not like they don't do it, too.

And remember, if someone does barge in, while you're 'in the middle of things', aim for the eye, dammit! Aim for the eye!! :D

Answer about "Masturbation - is it a sin according to the Bible?"from http://www.gotquestions.org/
The Bible never specifically mentions masturbation or states whether masturbation is a sin or not. The fact that the Bible lacks mention of masturbation does not necessarily make it right. The Bible tells us to avoid even the appearance of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3). I do not see how masturbating can pass that particular test. Sometimes a good test for whether something is a sin or not is whether you would be proud to tell others what you had just done. If it is something you would be embarrassed or ashamed about if others found out, it is very likely that it is a sin. Another good test is to determine whether we can honestly, in good conscience, ask God to bless and use the particular activity for His own good purposes. I do not think masturbation qualifies as something we can be "proud" of or can genuinely thank God for.



The Bible teaches us, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31). If there is room for doubt as to whether it pleases God, then it is best to give it up. There is definitely room for doubt in regards to masturbation. "For whatsoever is not of faith is sin" (Romans 14:23). I do not see how, according to the Bible, masturbation could be considered glorifying to God. Further, we need to remember that our bodies, as well as our souls, have been redeemed and belong to God. "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's" (1 Corinthians 6:19,20). This great truth should have a real bearing on what we do and where we go with our bodies. So, in light of these principles, I would definitely have to say that masturbation is a sin according to the Bible. I do not believe that masturbation is pleasing to God, avoids the appearance of immorality, or passes the test of God having ownership over our bodies.

And remember, if someone does barge in, while you're 'in the middle of things', aim for the eye, dammit! Aim for the eye!! :D

ROFLOL :D

Aw, you should have made a joke about how "Jesus is coming".

There are some times when it needs to be mentioned...
Those Christians are so poor, they can only afford one God!!!! Now we Romans, why we have a god for everything except premature ejaculation, but I hear he's coming soon!!!

Sometimes a good test for whether something is a sin or not is whether you would be proud to tell others what you had just done. If it is something you would be embarrassed or ashamed about if others found out, it is very likely that it is a sin.
My former roomate boasted of dirtying a mirror from across an entire hotel room before. Yes, he's male. And yes, absolutely, this topic is turning out to be increasingly more graphic than anyone could ever have imagined. Oh, wait, those are just my posts.....

Those Christians are so poor, they can only afford one God!!!! Now we Romans, why we have a god for everything except premature ejaculation, but I hear he's coming soon!!!

LoL :D

This is the funniest post I've ever seen by the way :p

Your aunt's a nun, eh? Nice.

I'll be back in fifteen minutes.

Bluestrips2']LoL :D

This is the funniest post I've ever seen by the way :p
thx i think this is one of the funniest threads ive ever seen but then again, it's not like i've been around NSforum and back

Oh, the irony!!! Playlist on random play, and what comes on but "In your face! Feels so good!" wow

Answer about "Masturbation - is it a sin according to the Bible?"from http://www.gotquestions.org/
The Bible never specifically mentions masturbation or states whether masturbation is a sin or not. The fact that the Bible lacks mention of masturbation does not necessarily make it right. The Bible tells us to avoid even the appearance of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3). I do not see how masturbating can pass that particular test. Sometimes a good test for whether something is a sin or not is whether you would be proud to tell others what you had just done. If it is something you would be embarrassed or ashamed about if others found out, it is very likely that it is a sin. Another good test is to determine whether we can honestly, in good conscience, ask God to bless and use the particular activity for His own good purposes. I do not think masturbation qualifies as something we can be "proud" of or can genuinely thank God for.



The Bible teaches us, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31). If there is room for doubt as to whether it pleases God, then it is best to give it up. There is definitely room for doubt in regards to masturbation. "For whatsoever is not of faith is sin" (Romans 14:23). I do not see how, according to the Bible, masturbation could be considered glorifying to God. Further, we need to remember that our bodies, as well as our souls, have been redeemed and belong to God. "What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's" (1 Corinthians 6:19,20). This great truth should have a real bearing on what we do and where we go with our bodies. So, in light of these principles, I would definitely have to say that masturbation is a sin according to the Bible. I do not believe that masturbation is pleasing to God, avoids the appearance of immorality, or passes the test of God having ownership over our bodies.


hmm.... this web site seems to differ http://www.jesusjournal.com/articles/publish/article_9.html

"Whether a person masturbates or not should not be based on their place in the theological spectrum. It is not a matter of liberals doing it and conservatives not doing it. Masturbation could have been condemned by name in the Bible had the Holy Spirit so inspired the writers. But since this is not the case, Christians need to take it for what it is, a temporary release from sexual tension."

You'll go blind! :D
Um ... can I just do it until I need glasses? :D

Welll, if he exists, he is.
I just wanted to and then he made my aunt (who is a nun) call me.
q.e.d.

Hey! You're that wanker who needed help in quitting porn.

I suggest you check for updates!

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=432263&goto=lastpost

Once when I was jerkin my turkin (can I say that?), my mom came in and yelled at me "is this where you want to be when Jesus comes back?" :D

Sure. You could also say Paddling your Pickle, Beating your Meat, choking your chicken, beating the bishop, etc...who can come up with some more of those neat little names for it?

Oh, I got another one...boggling your Bologna.

Sure. You could also say Paddling your Pickle, Beating your Meat, choking your chicken, beating the bishop, etc...who can come up with some more of those neat little names for it?
Oh, I got another one...boggling your Bologna.

Flogging your log, bludgeon the beefsteak, clean your rifle, bang the burrito.

Having been caught in the act more than once I can say, that a lock on my door would have saved me from quite a bit of embarassment. Thankfully both of my parents, my sister and two of my friends have all been civilized enough not to bring the matter up again, although none of them seem to be civilized enough to knock.

Get a desk chair. Wedge back of chair under door knob. Door cannot be opened. Problem solved.

Get a desk chair. Wedge back of chair under door knob. Door cannot be opened. Problem solved.

Come on, just beat off in the shower!

Those Christians are so poor, they can only afford one God!!!! Now we Romans, why we have a god for everything except premature ejaculation, but I hear he's coming soon!!!

Nah...he already snuck out while ya wasn't lookin'....

Come on, just beat off in the shower!

I dunno about guys, but shower's not a very good place for it if you're a girl. Something about doing it standing up is not...uhhh...well, it doesn't seem right...
Us girls prefer the bathtub for that sort of thing.

Actually, you guys have something of an advantage, because you can do it quick...takes longer for it to work for a girl.

Come on, just beat off in the shower!

And USE SOAP, GUYS....trust me, it works...well, it works for girls, anyway. I imagine it would have the same effect for a guy, though.

Alright, I know That I do it often enough, and it feels good, one word of caution to new cummers ( :D ) to this interesting activity, alternate hands, I found out the hard way that you need to.

And USE SOAP, GUYS....trust me, it works...well, it works for girls, anyway. I imagine it would have the same effect for a guy, though.

I tried that, but there were some irritation issues; might have been the brand, though.

Alright, I know That I do it often enough, and it feels good, one word of caution to new cummers ( :D ) to this interesting activity, alternate hands, I found out the hard way that you need to.

Really? I've never been a switch hitter myself; playing golf must help.

Come on, just beat off in the shower!

NEVER do that.
1. You waste water.
2. Everyone expects you to do it.

I tried that, but there were some irritation issues; might have been the brand, though.
My girlfriend never... er... whatever.

Iam a good Catholic lad and i believe masturbation is a way of praising God. So, i make it my duty as a Catholic to lock my bedroom door and praise the Lord at least once or twice a day.

Iam a good Catholic lad and i believe masturbation is a way of praising God. So, i make it my duty as a Catholic to lock my bedroom door and praise the Lord at least once or twice a day.
Well that is the nice thing about believing in a god, you always can say: "God thinks..." and "God wants us to..." and you do not have to give reason...
I am sorry for this being a little off topic.

Just about every religion is against masturbating. I think the arabs arent against, they love it. But when you go get facts on this you will see that maybe even, the religious ppl jack off. No, you wouldn't, because they wouldn't admit it. I know I wouldn't…

Alright, I know That I do it often enough, and it feels good, one word of caution to new cummers ( :D ) to this interesting activity, alternate hands, I found out the hard way that you need to. I'm intrigued. Please tell me what terrible thing happens if you don't.

quick question: if this were a planet of apes would we spank the monkey or would the monkey spank us?

I'm intrigued. Please tell me what terrible thing happens if you don't.
One of your arms starts getting massively huge, while the other shrinks and eventually falls off.

I'm intrigued. Please tell me what terrible thing happens if you don't.
Im guessin one arm is abnormally bigger than the other, hense giving the freakshow effect to ur appearance, ergo, u shud switch every now and again to balance out the workout.

quick question: if this were a planet of apes would we spank the monkey or would the monkey spank us?
We would probably spank some other type of lesser primate, like baboon r George Bush (really bad joke i know, but i cudnt resist.)

Iam a good Catholic lad and i believe masturbation is a way of praising God. So, i make it my duty as a Catholic to lock my bedroom door and praise the Lord at least once or twice a day. The advantage of prayer is that you don't need to clean up afterwards, unless you're a flagellant.

Bluestrips2']Wanking is great LOL :D

Thank you for that highly informative insight.

but u wont need 2 clean up, just buy sum condoms and have a posh wank.

but u wont need 2 clean up, just buy sum condoms and have a posh wank.

With a condom??? Now, that's a bit weird... and I'm really glad to be a girl. No mess, no cleaning up, just fun :D

but u wont need 2 clean up, just buy sum condoms and have a posh wank. You're not supposed to use contraception, remember? :p

With a condom??? Now, that's a bit weird... and I'm really glad to be a girl. No mess, no cleaning up, just fun :D But I thought… with girls… well… never mind.

But I thought… with girls… well… never mind.

You made me curious... With girls what? Own up! ;)

You're not supposed to use contraception, remember? :p

What if his hand got pregnant?

You made me curious... With girls what? Own up! ;) Just wondering about the lack of mess… thought there was "mess".

Just wondering about the lack of mess… thought there was "mess".

I wash my hands afterwards, yes, but that's about all the mess there is... ;)

I wash my hands afterwards, yes, but that's about all the mess there is... ;) I occasionally have the mad urge to cut myself for fun - seriously, not because I'm depressed or anything but because I think blood is very pretty - and the only reason I don't is because it would make a lot of mess. That and it's actually quite hard to force yourself to cut your own skin.

Also, WTF is this whole kittens dying when you masturbate thingy? I mean… sounds like an odd joke to me. I kill kittens anyway, wouldn't make a difference if I wanked.

Famous nerd picture shall explain everything!

http://photos1.blogger.com/img/196/2653/1024/everytimeyoumasturbategodkillsakittenpleasethinkofthekittens.jpg

Wanking is great!

Famous nerd picture shall explain everything!

http://photos1.blogger.com/img/196/2653/1024/everytimeyoumasturbategodkillsakittenpleasethinkofthekittens.jpg

Wanking is great!

access denied

access denied
Click the other link that appears

Ok, just a quick note for all those people who like to quote bible verses and such... as the daughter of a lifelong minister who taught greek and hebrew at a christian college (and therefore owns an actual copy in and can read the original language that Paul wrote his letters in in the new testament and obviously reads from that to his children) I was taught a few things about the apostles opinions on a few things and the way the current NIV has been mistranslated.

In I Corinthians 7 Paul explains that it is best for a man not to marry, to be a monk like he was and devote yourself fully to God, but it is not a sin - and is in fact encouraged - to marry. If you cannot (or will not) marry, then it is best to 'satifsy your urges' yourself so you will not sin in lust in your heart at the women you pass on the street. Even in the NIV it says 'it is better to marry than to burn with passion'. So the official biblical standpoint is that it's better to release your sexual tension than to burn unsatiated with lust because you won't. Also, the bible acknowledges that some people have different desire levels than others - so one course is not always best for all, not all of us can be monks.

Of course, Paul also says the greek words 'scubala genetai' (not sure on the spelling, please don't eat me alive) which translates to 'shit happens' (now it's translated into something like 'garbage' or something :P) later in his letters, so he must be the liberal of the group.

With a condom??? Now, that's a bit weird... and I'm really glad to be a girl. No mess, no cleaning up, just fun :D
I distinctly recall having to wash my hands every time I did that to my girlfriend... :rolleyes:

I distinctly recall having to wash my hands every time I did that to my girlfriend... :rolleyes:

And I distinctly recall having to wash a whole lot more everytime I did that to my boyfriend :D

And I distinctly recall having to wash a whole lot more everytime I did that to my boyfriend :DAh, yes, but I never denied this. I just wanted to refute your "no cleaning up" hypothesis :D

Ah, yes, but I never denied this. I just wanted to refute your "no cleaning up" hypothesis :D

Ok, I'll admit it. But in comparisson, there's a whole lot less cleaning up to do ;)
No cleaning the room, no washing the sheets afterwards every single time ;)

Ok, I'll admit it. But in comparisson, there's a whole lot less cleaning up to do ;)
No cleaning the room, no washing the sheets afterwards every single time ;)
Pshaw. He just needs to aim right and you don't have to do more than whipe it off. Just have a bunch of tissues lying around and it shouldn't be much of a problem.

"If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much."

A quote by Mark Twain from "Some Thoughts on The Science of Onanism"

I found it hilarious. On the actual issue, i see no problem with it unless you spend a lot of time doing it.

On the "mess" issue, it depends on how often the male does it. The longer its been, the bigger the mess. Not sure about how it works with women though. i do remember a mess with my girlfriend though.

This was funny based on the classic opera tune Funiculi, Funicula:

Last night, I lay my head upon my pillow,
But stayed up late, to masturbate.
Last night, I lay myself upon my bed, but
I stayed awake, for pleasure's sake.
You should see me working on the short strokes,
It's really grand, I use my hand;
You should see me working on the long strokes,
It's really neat, I use my feet.
Smash it! Bash it! Pound it on the floor!
Smite it! Bite it! Ram it through the door!
Oh, it's so neat to beat your meat while sitting on the toilet seat,
Isn't life divine,
Funiculì, funiculà.

Pshaw. He just needs to aim right and you don't have to do more than whipe it off. Just have a bunch of tissues lying around and it shouldn't be much of a problem.

Or, again if he aimed right, you could rub it in.

Lots of protiens. Great for skin and hair. ;)

Or, again if he aimed right, you could rub it in.

Lots of protiens. Great for skin and hair. ;) :eek:
I wish I had a camera to take a picture of how my face just contorted thinking about that... That is SOO wrong!

Wouldn't it smell? I seriously hope you aren't serious Ellaness.

Or, again if he aimed right, you could rub it in.

Lots of protiens. Great for skin and hair. ;)

*giggle... Well, actually.... you're right there

Wouldn't it smell? I seriously hope you aren't serious Ellaness.

Hmmm the smell...
Well, you know how like you buy distilled essence of rose or something and it's highly concentrated? This is like, distilled essence of your boyfriend/husband. :D

If you want to go into WTMFI land (way too much f***ing information) then if you rub it into your belly then throughout the day you just get a little whiff now and again and it smells like your husband and like sex and it sparks all KINDS of memories and emotions -- a very happy moment at work, maybe. Anywhere closer to your face and it's too much to actually go and do your day with and anywhere further away and you don't get any effect. A good rubbing in, and then pat dry what's left and under your clothes no one but you will notice it, and if they did it'd be an underconscious turnon and they'd be all flirty and nice.

Go through YOUR day thinking of sex and love and see what kinda reaction you get and how you feel when you see him again.

edit: Also, make sure he knows, because he'll be thinking about it all day too. The reuniting at home in the evening is quite ... energetic.

Go through YOUR day thinking of sex and love and see what kinda reaction you get and how you feel when you see him again.Hey, that's what men are like all the time :D (except it'd be her and not him)

Yeah, but jizz is different than what women um... secrete (don't know how to describe it)? It smells really bad and women's... it isn't so bad. I can kind of see what you're saying though. Nice hidden message too.

Yeah, but jizz is different than what women um... secrete (don't know how to describe it)? It smells really bad and women's... it isn't so bad. I can kind of see what you're saying though. Nice hidden message too.

I don't think it smells bad... or tastes bad, for that matter. I like it...

I don't think it smells bad... or tastes bad, for that matter. I like it...Pity you live in Dublin LI :D

Have another guy roommate who does it... fervently and you may disagree.
As for the taste, i wouldn't know. Haven't tried myself and won't and haven't gotten around to it with my girlfriend.