Pontification
22-07-2005, 23:16
I just created the first of a series of soundbites on completely random subjects, and I intend to post them on the net.
Before I go any further, I'm not saying they're any good, or worth listening to, or that you'll even understand them, but I hope that they fufill their function in that they should be reasonably funny.
Number 1 is on calculators, and for those who have heard the original Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio series, the format should hopefully sound familiar.
Comments/ feedback welcome. No flames though! :)
Soundbite number 1 - The origin of calculators (http://www.shortstoriescentral.co.uk/sb_1_calc.mp3)
For those of you not able to understand my accent, you can find a transcript here:
It is worth noting at this point that calculators are strange and complex tools. They come in many shapes and sizes, and have different functions, but it is interesting to note that they all share some common characteristics. Firstly, the buttons are always made of cheap rubber or plastic. This results in highly unconvincing use, as much time is wasted in fixing buttons that go in at odd angles or don’t register properly when hit. It is a well lamented fact that it is precisely in the middle of typing a massive calculation that the crucial key will fail to register and throw your calculation spectacularly wildly out of proportion. Another, almost equally well lamented fact, is that the batteries of a calculator will last only the exact amount of time it takes for you to reach for it in a critical situation, whether it be an exam or an executive meeting, you can be sure that the battery will give out at that moment you go to press the equals button.
Some people have speculated that calculators have an unseen form of intelligence lurking in their cheap plastic covers. Other people, however, have asserted the fact that they believe some people to drink too much alcohol. And so the issue passed on throughout the depths of time.
Before I go any further, I'm not saying they're any good, or worth listening to, or that you'll even understand them, but I hope that they fufill their function in that they should be reasonably funny.
Number 1 is on calculators, and for those who have heard the original Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy radio series, the format should hopefully sound familiar.
Comments/ feedback welcome. No flames though! :)
Soundbite number 1 - The origin of calculators (http://www.shortstoriescentral.co.uk/sb_1_calc.mp3)
For those of you not able to understand my accent, you can find a transcript here:
It is worth noting at this point that calculators are strange and complex tools. They come in many shapes and sizes, and have different functions, but it is interesting to note that they all share some common characteristics. Firstly, the buttons are always made of cheap rubber or plastic. This results in highly unconvincing use, as much time is wasted in fixing buttons that go in at odd angles or don’t register properly when hit. It is a well lamented fact that it is precisely in the middle of typing a massive calculation that the crucial key will fail to register and throw your calculation spectacularly wildly out of proportion. Another, almost equally well lamented fact, is that the batteries of a calculator will last only the exact amount of time it takes for you to reach for it in a critical situation, whether it be an exam or an executive meeting, you can be sure that the battery will give out at that moment you go to press the equals button.
Some people have speculated that calculators have an unseen form of intelligence lurking in their cheap plastic covers. Other people, however, have asserted the fact that they believe some people to drink too much alcohol. And so the issue passed on throughout the depths of time.