NationStates Jolt Archive

A few days ago I broke up with my boyfriend of almost six months (would have been on August 1). I'm not here to complain, but I'm wondering from those who have enough experience to contrast - how is it easier to move on?

Don't see them - I could see how this might work because eventually I'd stop thinking about him, but then when I try to be friends again would I be forcefully returned to my feelings?

See, but don't interact with them - This seems to make sense, as I'd be forced to undo my feelings but not too directly. However once moved on how do you say "okay NOW I'll talk to you."

Interact with them - It could make me confront my feelings right, but I'm afraid they'd just be maintained by interaction and nothing would change.

Sorry, but I can't help you here. I'm a completely emotionless being.

I selected other.

The best idea is to simply not worry about it.

If a friend asks you to go out with a group of friends, and you don't know who is there, then go out, have fun. If he happens to be there, try to avoid an "ordeal," but at the same time, don't try too obviously to give him the cold-shoulder. While a one-on-one conversation won't be too comfortable, for either of you, don't be afraid in engaging in a group conversation that he just happens to be part of...at the same rate, don't be overzealous about interacting with him.

If a friend asks you to go out with a group of friends, and mentions that your ex will be there, if you don't feel like talking to him at all, then politely decline. It will have been better for you to simply stay home (even if you wouldn't mind seeing him) and avoid an uncomfortable conversation, then to spoiled everyone else's time by being depressed or causing an ordeal because of your ex.

Basically, do whatever it takes for it to bother you the least at the present moment, then as time goes on (don't expect it to be quick, and don't expect it to happen until you've started dating someone else, at least), the friendship will begin to build.

Building friendships after dating is possible, but you're basically starting farther from friendship than even two strangers may start. Just give it some time and let him become basically a stranger to you (although, don't be excessively stand-offish, otherwise you'll create a grudge), and then a friendship can build.

It depends how and why you broke up with the bloke.

I simply force myself to move on. I've had some serious relationships, which aren't easy to get past, so I tried some counseling, made an effort to see my friends much more often, things like that. Bought recent movies, read good books. Good luck to you, just don't let it eat you up.

First off, why did you break up with him?

I was with you completly until you said experience its the other thing i lack after a Personality.

I was with you completly until you said experience its the other thing i lack after a Personality.


You can make up for the personality thing by no longer being a libertarian.

You can make up for the personality thing by no longer being a libertarian.
Yes, because conforming to what others think you should do instead of making your own decisions is definitely how you build personality.

I've recently been forced into the 'keep interacting' line, and I'll let you know that it's VERY hard at first.. you need some space to let things in your head and heart settle, and being around him a lot and talking to him and stuff is really not good for a smooth transition. All of my past relationships were the 'never see him again' type, except one... and I think the 'see, but not interact' is the best one, especially if you go for a few months before you see him again. I got some really good closure with that one, but it took a while.

BORING! Relationships cause pain, unless it's 'true'....or if the sex is AWESOME! ;)

First off, why did you break up with him?

We just weren't relating as well as we used to. Didn't talk as much, and our personalities were starting to not work together (passionate extrovert v. aimless introvert); just wasn't getting what I wanted from the relationship anymore, and it wasn't improving. Not a big fight or a betrayal, just a realization of "not right for each other".

Someone asked how, too; we went to coffee and I told him what I'd been thinking, and that I wanted another solution but couldn't think of one myself - he had nothing to offer.

Since posting this, we've instant messaged. He isn't bitter, thank god, and it's heartening that we're still somewhat chatting. Seeing him in person, though, would undoubtedly be difficult.

We just weren't relating as well as we used to. Didn't talk as much, and our personalities were starting to not work together (passionate extrovert v. aimless introvert); just wasn't getting what I wanted from the relationship anymore, and it wasn't improving. Not a big fight or a betrayal, just a realization of "not right for each other".

Someone asked how, too; we went to coffee and I told him what I'd been thinking, and that I wanted another solution but couldn't think of one myself - he had nothing to offer.

Since posting this, we've instant messaged. He isn't bitter, thank god, and it's heartening that we're still somewhat chatting. Seeing him in person, though, would undoubtedly be difficult.

Oh hey. That should be easy since the breakup wasn't violent. Sit down, sort out your feelings (don't wait for it "fade away"; it's such a passive move), and voila! Remind yourself he is ONLY a friend and in a few months time you could really be friends again (if that's what he wants).

Yes, because conforming to what others think you should do instead of making your own decisions is definitely how you build personality.


No, I just don't like libertarians :rolleyes:

We just weren't relating as well as we used to. Didn't talk as much, and our personalities were starting to not work together (passionate extrovert v. aimless introvert); just wasn't getting what I wanted from the relationship anymore, and it wasn't improving. Not a big fight or a betrayal, just a realization of "not right for each other".

Someone asked how, too; we went to coffee and I told him what I'd been thinking, and that I wanted another solution but couldn't think of one myself - he had nothing to offer.

Since posting this, we've instant messaged. He isn't bitter, thank god, and it's heartening that we're still somewhat chatting. Seeing him in person, though, would undoubtedly be difficult.


I went through the same thing with my girlfriend. But we were (and are) madly in love with each other, so now we're working it out.

If you guys were committed enough to each other, than it's worth it to work it out.

You can make up for the personality thing by no longer being a libertarian.
You mean a Librarian right?

If im a Liberal then id hate to see what the Rights are like.
Though im not the most right on here by far i hold a nieche market.

Oh
Unless your talking about my Political Compass well im Pope John Paul II so meh im happy.

Otherwise ? :confused:

Yes, because conforming to what others think you should do instead of making your own decisions is definitely how you build personality.
Wow thanks for standing up for 'Liberal me' wow the last two days have been shit and i get this great! :)

ill Fluffle you now! :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle: :fluffle:

You mean a Librarian right?

If im a Liberal then id hate to see what the Rights are like.
Though im not the most right on here by far i hold a nieche market.

Oh
Unless your talking about my Political Compass well im Pope John Paul II so meh im happy.

Otherwise ? :confused:



Oh crap sorry! I thought your economic indicator was a plus 5! No, never mind, you are a perfectly wonderful and personality-strong individual. I just really, really don't appreciate libertarians. Especially lately.

You mean a Librarian right?

If im a Liberal then id hate to see what the Rights are like.
Though im not the most right on here by far i hold a nieche market.

Oh
Unless your talking about my Political Compass well im Pope John Paul II so meh im happy.

Otherwise ? :confused:


Libertarians are these people in the US who sound a bit like this: "Yeah! Free-enterprise is where it's at! And let's take a piss on social healthcare and socialism! Hooray for the Bourgeoisie!"

Back on the topic...

From my experience, I would recommend a bit of space for a little while. I've had a few breakups where we tried to remain friends and it usually resulted in one or more of the following: getting back together for no good reason, fighting in public, immense feelings of jealousy when one finds a new partner.

Even in mutual breakups, or where the breakup is your idea, it's normal to grieve the relationship (i.e. the loss of having someone always there) and those feelings can get confused with a desire to resume a relationship with that person.

A bit of space gives you time to get over the passionate feelings. A few months down the track, when the wounds are no longer raw and you've moved on, it is possible to resume a friendship. But I think it's very hard to be friends straightaway.

My ex and I were together for 10 years. We split about 2 years ago and we still see each other several times a week. It's easier to get along now since I can leave whenever I want.........

It really depends on who you are and who the other person is. I'm the type of person that I'd rather push through the pain of interaction, that way you can resume a friendly relationship soon-after. If you never interact, than it's easier to forget the pain, but not necessarily easier to get over the pain. My "ex" invited me to join this site!

I voted for other because the three above didn't work for me.

I've been trying to move on from my past relationship which ended horribly because of miscommunication and my partner completely refused to listen to my side of the story. Don't ever get together with a guy named 'Sunflower moonsprout Krishna Om Stewart'. Not a good idea.

I went through the same thing with my girlfriend. But we were (and are) madly in love with each other, so now we're working it out.

If you guys were committed enough to each other, than it's worth it to work it out.

Eh... I'm 15. "Committed" is relative. Thanks all, I am getting the impression I ought not to try too hard for friends right away, but it's definitely possible later. I still enjoy IMing him and that way we can keep contact but until we both sort of "step out" of love perhaps no further interaction is wise.