NationStates Jolt Archive

My ex, who is now a friend of mine wants to meet my bf. My bf has mentioned that he might not want to meet him, though i don't know if his stance has changed on that...

However, my friend is a bit offended by this and I really don't know what to do here.

introduce the ex to someone only pretending to be your new thing. perhaps one of those abraham lincoln actors.

"ex, i'd like to introduce you to my new guy, honest abe himself"

Hmn... Find a friend to play the part (sans the affection, except for pretend kissing and nice hugging)and then if your ex starts being suspicious, "break up" - rinse and repeat. Tell your bf of this little scheme and find out if he approves.

My ex, who is now a friend of mine wants to meet my bf. My bf has mentioned that he might not want to meet him, though i don't know if his stance has changed on that...

However, my friend is a bit offended by this and I really don't know what to do here.


Why the interest of your ex to meet you new man? Are you two (you and your ex) best friends? I can understand why yoru current wouldn't want to meet the ex. I am not to fond of meeting my girls ex's either. Your ex should understand that and not be offended. What you really need to do is show your current conclusively, in any way you think will work, that you have no romantic interest in your ex at all. Then he will probably be okay with it. Some people just have a tough time with jealousy. It's not easy to get over.

Okay, first off, honesty is the best policy. Do you really want to jeopardize your friendship with your ex?

Second, if your bf really loves you, meeting your ex will not be that big of a deal.

You could also tell him you've given up men.

You could also tell him you've given up men.

...in favor of dead presidents

...in favor of dead presidents


who wear wigs

Your ex doesn't want to know your bf. He almost certainly wants to size up what the competition is and re-evaluate his chances. (This is a mistake I would guess most women learn to stop making by their late twenties) Your bf may or may not have your "friend" on his radar. If you start to entertain your ex's interfering in your new relationship, that's a good way to send it to quick end, or even worse a horrible, painful, slow, death spiral. So if the relationship is of particular importance to either you or your bf (why not be merciful ladies?) it'd be best to be careful.

If you're bf wants to leave your past in the past, and he's not interested in your friend, take the good from that. Maybe it points to your bf's insecurity, or perhaps it points the fact that he thinks the ex is neither a friend nor in the game, or your bf just might find the prospect tedious. If you want to know, you've got the guy who can give you answers at your disposal.

But you might want to reflect on why you want them to meet. What do you hope will happen? If you're just trying to share more of your life to build intimacy, there are less combustable ways to do it. You might also want to take a brutally clear look at whether your ex is the kind of friend you can depend on, or whether he's just a comfortable artifact of your past. If he's the latter, or if he's lying to you (and perhaps himself) waiting for your change of heart, he's not really your friend anymore. That's just absent mindedly massaging old scars, wasting each other's precious time. While familiar, it doesn't have anything to do with the future.

One of my exes, now a close friend, is somebody that I couldn't imagine NOT introducing to my boyfriends. We've played around with the possibility of getting back together a few times since the breakup (five years ago) but have always come to the same conclusion -- we're best for each other as friends. Therefore, he still gets to be the second most important male in my life, and I get to be the second most important female -- that is, if we don't count parents, which I don't in this case.

However, there is another thing to consider.....when my ex met my previous boyfriend, he immediately told me he got a bad vibe from him and we didn't seem to have a very good chemistry. I laughed it off and joked that he was just jealous, but the guy did turn out to be a jerk in a lot of senses, many of which are absolutely offensive to me. Similarly, he likes me to meet his female interests before they get together, because he trusts my judgement above all else (he claims that I'm never wrong about girls and him, which I then use against him when he jokes about getting married). There's a chance that, whether or not your ex knows it, part of the reason he's so upset about not meeting your current boyfriend is that he simply wants the best for you and wants to at least meet this guy once, if not actually getting a chance to better get to know him.

However, it pretty much all boils down to this, if neither budge: which is more important to you, your friend or your boyfriend?

I can understand your boyfriend's stance.

I wouldn't want to meet someone who had done the things with my husband that I now do either...

My bf and I have been dating for 2 years this August, it's not really a new relationship and he has been wanting to get to know my friends, excepting anyone I have dated. And yeah, I get the feeling that it's because me and my ex have a past together (obviously...)
I value my friendship and my relationship... perhaps in time my bf will be comfortable meeting my friend, if that doesn't occur by the time serious commitment comes up then i would perhaps press the issue, but until then, I would prefer to make my bf comfortable and I don't really see the need in getting them to meet anyways.