NationStates Jolt Archive

my mom really liked a guy I used to date. He and I are friends, we're both dating other people, I've been dating the same guy for almost 2 years...

and not only is she nagging me to go spend time with him in the few days I get to go home a month (usually I spend a total of 4 days there if I'm lucky) despite the fact that those few precious days are also spent seeing my bf, my family et c. She's clearly trying to get us back together and I'm fucking sick of it. It's annoying to the point where I don't even want to talk to my friend anymore because of my mom's nagging.

Also, it's not like he's the only friend I never see. One of my really close friends moved somewhat closer and I haven't seen her in longer and I can't see her either because I never have the time.

I went out with a girl. I split up with her because basically I messed things up but we still kept in touch. She told me that her mother blamed her for us splitting up and say that people who went out with her afterwards were not as good as me.
This says one thing to me. PARENTS KNOW NOTHING ;)

i think you need to yell at her. tell her in no uncertain terms that your love life is none of her business

I went out with a girl. I split up with her because basically I messed things up but we still kept in touch. She told me that her mother blamed her for us splitting up and say that people who went out with her afterwards were not as good as me.
This says one thing to me. PARENTS KNOW NOTHING ;)That's not true. Mine, at least, are very smart. Which explains why I'm a genius. :)

And they haven't interfered at all with my love life, or lack thereof, b/c I seem to put people off in any case.

It could be worse. My Evil Ex's similarly evil mother had this conversation with him in front of me on multiple occasions:

"Have you talked to [insert nice-Jewish-girl name here] recently? She's such a nice girl. I always thought you two would make a wonderful couple. You should really ask her out to dinner sometime. I like her so much! She's still single, right? I'd think all the guys would want to date her. She is? Oh, good. Here, why don't you call her right now? I'll treat you two to dinner..." (and so forth)

I think she figured if she made me cry often enough, he'd think I was pathetic and go date one of her hand-picked nice Jewish girls instead. She = not a very nice woman.

That's not true. Mine, at least, are very smart. Which explains why I'm a genius. :)

And they haven't interfered at all with my love life, or lack thereof, b/c I seem to put people off in any case.

If they haven't interfered whith your love life then your very lucky. My parents want me to marry my girlfriend mainly because it would be good for the family. Think yourself lucky.

Man you don't know how good you got it ;)

I kinda understand both sides of this thing -- my parents were more in love with one of my exes than I ever was while he and I were together, and he and I are very close friends now (to the point that he makes me meet the girls he likes and say what I think, because I'm "never wrong about girls"), but I made it clear after awhile that I wouldn't put up with that from them. I understood why they liked him more, and why they're still holding out for us to get back together (nevermind that they really like my current boyfriend as well....I think they're just torn), but I told them that I didn't appreciate their constant yapping about it. If nothing else, tell your mother you think it's demeaning. Moms are apparently unable to stand the thought that their children find their actions demeaning.

Also, don't take it out by not seeing this friend of yours -- it's no fault of his that your mother can't let go of past events, and there's no reason to cut him out. But I do think it's stupid for her to expect you to see him more than anybody else.

i think you need to yell at her. tell her in no uncertain terms that your love life is none of her business
She's a bit of a dick to my current bf too...

My last serious girlfriend was Mormon, and she (she being her mom) thouht our relationship was evil :(

But she only knew a fraction of it. :eek:

Simonist']Also, don't take it out by not seeing this friend of yours -- it's no fault of his that your mother can't let go of past events, and there's no reason to cut him out. But I do think it's stupid for her to expect you to see him more than anybody else.
I know. I dont' end up seeign him simply because I'm in the same city an average of 4 days a month if I'm lucky and I have to divide that time between my family and my bf.
Although I get the feeling that he's either encouraging this kind of crap from my mom or he's just trying to be her friend too... he'll talk to her when I'm not home.

If they haven't interfered whith your love life then your very lucky. My parents want me to marry my girlfriend mainly because it would be good for the family. Think yourself lucky.

Man you don't know how good you got it ;)Lol, they can't, because I don't even have one. I've never had a g/f, never fallen in love, don't even believe in it.

<snip>
Ah yes, well known to our family. Key words you do not mention to my sister are; Nice, Jewish, Boy. Especially not in the same sentence, that is, not unless you want to be slapped, repeatedly, and then have her not talk to you for a week.

Lol, they can't, because I don't even have one. I've never had a g/f, never fallen in love, don't even believe in it.

You, my friend, are sadly mistaken then.

My parents broke up a relationship by basically sacring off this guy that I was head over heels for. I used to hate them for that. Being a parent myself now, I've realized that even though they were wrong for butting in, they had my best interests in mind.

Good parents want to see the best for their children. The hardest thing for them to do is step back and let their children make their own decisions, especially when they think their child can do better.

You've got to thank them for caring, but tell them that it's your life and your decision.

Although I get the feeling that he's either encouraging this kind of crap from my mom or he's just trying to be her friend too... he'll talk to her when I'm not home.
That changes things a wee bit. Personally, and this isn't a suggestion to you, but personally I'd probably drop him. I don't appreciate that kind of stuff, myself.

Lol, they can't, because I don't even have one. I've never had a g/f, never fallen in love, don't even believe in it.

Well I have and believe me you will.

I just hope it goes better for you than it did for me

My gf's mother keeps trying to set her up with "good Polish boys" and last year while she was visiting family in Poland for the summer her mother kept telling her I would find some other girl (as if I hadn't already burned all those bridges in the town I was living in). I'm fairly certain it's all jokes, but I know how people feel about it and it drives my girl nuts :P

my mom really liked a guy I used to date. He and I are friends, we're both dating other people, I've been dating the same guy for almost 2 years...

and not only is she nagging me to go spend time with him in the few days I get to go home a month (usually I spend a total of 4 days there if I'm lucky) despite the fact that those few precious days are also spent seeing my bf, my family et c. She's clearly trying to get us back together and I'm fucking sick of it. It's annoying to the point where I don't even want to talk to my friend anymore because of my mom's nagging.


Rule of thumb, no one can make you feel anything you don't let them. So, yes, perhaps being gone from your current b/f might seem long. However in the grand scheme of things it's a blink!

Your feelings from what you say couldn't be clearer. You only lose if as a friend (the ex) if you allow your mother to dictate the "all or nothing" way you've come to see it.

I say don't giver her that kind of power over you, because only you can give that to her. Just do what you do.. don't give up a friendship to spite your mother. Also if your love is true to your current b/f, well, that's not an issue.

Just remember, on the most part, our parents truly believe they are doing what is best for us. (As misguided as it maybe sometimes. :) )

Why mothers are annoying.Probably hormones.

my mom really liked a guy I used to date. He and I are friends, we're both dating other people, I've been dating the same guy for almost 2 years...

and not only is she nagging me to go spend time with him in the few days I get to go home a month (usually I spend a total of 4 days there if I'm lucky) despite the fact that those few precious days are also spent seeing my bf, my family et c. She's clearly trying to get us back together and I'm fucking sick of it. It's annoying to the point where I don't even want to talk to my friend anymore because of my mom's nagging.

Also, it's not like he's the only friend I never see. One of my really close friends moved somewhat closer and I haven't seen her in longer and I can't see her either because I never have the time.

1) That should take about five minutes to fix. Just tell her, in no uncertain terms, that your love life is none of her business. Cut her off if she tries to pull a guilt trip on you by saying something to the effect of: "Mom, I love you, but shut up. I am an adult, whether you like it or not, and I can make my own decisions, whether you like them or not. I am not a child, and I do not appreciate being treated like one."

2) In the big scheme of things, keep in mind that this really isn't that big a deal. It would rate about a 2 on my MSMO-meter (Mom Screwed Me Over), assuming I still considered her a mother and allowed her in my life. That alone should be something you should be thankful for--however annoying she is, she is still, however vaguely, trying to help you out.

It could be worse. My Evil Ex's similarly evil mother had this conversation with him in front of me on multiple occasions:

"Have you talked to [insert nice-Jewish-girl name here] recently? She's such a nice girl. I always thought you two would make a wonderful couple. You should really ask her out to dinner sometime. I like her so much! She's still single, right? I'd think all the guys would want to date her. She is? Oh, good. Here, why don't you call her right now? I'll treat you two to dinner..." (and so forth)

I think she figured if she made me cry often enough, he'd think I was pathetic and go date one of her hand-picked nice Jewish girls instead. She = not a very nice woman.In Jewish culture..Mom plays a bigger role...

that has some negatives...but It also has some positives (even if we dont wanna see them)