NationStates Jolt Archive

Recently my wife has decided that she is ready to expand her sexual horizon. She says that it is not me and that she still loves sex with me, but she would like to see if we can do more. Mostly she wants a guy, girl, girl threesome. Shoul i say "yes" or "no" and why?

Recently my wife has decided that she is ready to expand her sexual horizon. She says that it is not me and that she still loves sex with me, but she would like to see if we can do more. Mostly she wants a guy, girl, girl threesome. Shoul i say "yes" or "no" and why?

Is that a rhetorical question? :eek:

This is a trick question, right? :p

It's too much when you become hotter than goatse on the internet. :eek:

Well, personally I'd say no… if I had a wife… but I don't know about you. But hey, I'm a bigoted prig, as you probably know. :) ;)

Recently my wife has decided that she is ready to expand her sexual horizon. She says that it is not me and that she still loves sex with me, but she would like to see if we can do more. Mostly she wants a guy, girl, girl threesome. Shoul i say "yes" or "no" and why?

Questions you know the answer to, you don't need to ask! :)

Recently my wife has decided that she is ready to expand her sexual horizon. She says that it is not me and that she still loves sex with me, but she would like to see if we can do more. Mostly she wants a guy, girl, girl threesome. Shoul i say "yes" or "no" and why?

You should say yes, because being in a heterosexual relationship, you never know when you'll have another chance.

Recently my wife has decided that she is ready to expand her sexual horizon. She says that it is not me and that she still loves sex with me, but she would like to see if we can do more. Mostly she wants a guy, girl, girl threesome. Shoul i say "yes" or "no" and why?

You'll say yes, because otherwise everyone with a Y chromosome within five miles of you will either excommunicate you or beat you silly.

Seriously.

Anyway, the third shold either be someone you know very well who is similarily openminded, or someone you don't know at all who would never cause awkwardness.

Don't do it if you're not comfortable with it.

But if you are uncomfortable, examine why.

And as to your title question...it's too much when the people involved decide it is. And not before.

Is that a rhetorical question? :eek:
This is a straight foward question, I do not know how to feel about the fact that 6 months into our union she wants to sleep with other people, even if it is a girl.

This is a straight foward question, I do not know how to feel about the fact that 6 months into our union she wants to sleep with other people, even if it is a girl.

Sex and Love can be too seperate things. They dont always have to be linked. Maybe she just wants to have a little fun. It doesnt mean she feels any differently about you

This is a straight foward question, I do not know how to feel about the fact that 6 months into our union she wants to sleep with other people, even if it is a girl. Okay, six months definitely is a bit… well, unexpected, really. I mean, it would be different if it were 15 years or something. Hmm… not sure what to suggest, I'm fairly useless here, sorry.

The question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to deal with having to sexually please two women at the same time. You answer to that question should weigh heavily on your final decision.

This is a straight foward question, I do not know how to feel about the fact that 6 months into our union she wants to sleep with other people, even if it is a girl.
Hmmm...six months? Well. It took my husband and I 8 years to get to this point.

How DO you feel?

The question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to deal with having to sexually please two women at the same time. You answer to that question should weigh heavily on your final decision.
Don't worry too much about this one. Prothetics are wonderful things. And the women likely wouldn't be leaving it all up to him anyway...

This is a straight foward question, I do not know how to feel about the fact that 6 months into our union she wants to sleep with other people, even if it is a girl.

You should sit down and discuss it with her at length. How old are you two anyway? If she's college-age, it's rather normal. Many people have the urge to experiment somewhere between the age of 12 and 30, so if you're in that rather large window, don't worry.

Personally, I wouldn’t do it. This, however, is really only something you can decide for yourself.

The question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to deal with having to sexually please two women at the same time. You answer to that question should weigh heavily on your final decision.

Then again think of the multiple opportunities to strut around looking smug afterwards

This is a straight foward question, I do not know how to feel about the fact that 6 months into our union she wants to sleep with other people, even if it is a girl.

Your name isn't Ross by any chance?

Anyway, what you need to do is to find out where this is coming from. Is she just sexually adventurous, or is she lesbian/bisexual? Do you care? What would it take for you to be GGG ("good, giving and game")?

I'd say yes, even as a girl :).

Setting rules however may not be the best thing to start out with in the beginning seeing as how if one of you ends of breaking a rule during the "throes of passion" it might end up doing more harm then good, especially if its the first time. Trying it once, and then setting rules afterward might be a better idea....you know....for next time ;).

Good luck and have fun!

Sex and Love can be too seperate things. They dont always have to be linked. Maybe she just wants to have a little fun. It doesnt mean she feels any differently about you

I am a strog believer in sex being seperate from love, but sex drive while seperate can still destroy love with its push to be heard or driven as it were.

Don't worry too much about this one. Prothetics are wonderful things. And the women likely wouldn't be leaving it all up to him anyway...

There are also these nifty inventions called fingers and a tongue . . .

You should sit down and discuss it with her at length. How old are you two anyway? If she's college-age, it's rather normal. Many people have the urge to experiment somewhere between the age of 12 and 30, so if you're in that rather large window, don't worry.
we are 24 me and 23 her.

Recently my wife has decided that she is ready to expand her sexual horizon. She says that it is not me and that she still loves sex with me, but she would like to see if we can do more. Mostly she wants a guy, girl, girl threesome. Shoul i say "yes" or "no" and why?

I know that being in a threesome is the fulfillment of most men's fantasies, but when one of the people is your spouse, I can't imagine that somebody wouldn't end up hurt or jealous.

There are also these nifty inventions called fingers and a tongue . . .
Ha! Well yes...they tend to get sore after a while though, where as the prothetics don't....a combination of all tactics is necessary.

Your name isn't Ross by any chance?

Anyway, what you need to do is to find out where this is coming from. Is she just sexually adventurous, or is she lesbian/bisexual? Do you care? What would it take for you to be GGG ("good, giving and game")?

Woot! Someone else reads "Savage Love". Maybe the thread author should ask Dan?

When it comes to me and my wife, experimentation only goes too far when my erection goes away and doesn't come back. :D

But seriously, discuss it.

Sharing sexual fantasies with your mate is a healthy thing. Even if they just remain fantasies. It is certainly better than her wondering and fantasizing about it for years without telling you and then leaving you for a lesbian in five years. It's the discussion that matters. Open, frank and understanding discussion about sex is important.

((In fact, in my opinion, these fantasies should have been addressed before marriage. But I understand that some people frown on pre-marital sex.))

It depends really, if you dont weant to because of your devotion to your wife, then dont. But if you want to please your wife, Id go with it, bsides whats the bad side of it?You get two chicks at the same time and many guys wish their wives would be the same way. don kill yourself deciding. :headbang:

I guess my biggest fear is that it starts with a girl, then she wants a guy, and i am a hypocrite for sayng no , but it is alright for me to sleep with two women.

"Sharing" can be tough...and you need to really be prepared for it. If there are some things she doesn't want you doing to another person, or visa versa, you should get that out in the open BEFORE you do it. And if you are going to end up hating her for it after, best not to bother.

For myself and my husband, we had to grow up a little first...and become more comfortable and honest with one another.

That kind of openess comes with time. I don't know that you could have a lasting, long term relationship with someone when you start it off like that at the first...unless you were both really sure about what you were doing....which it sounds like you are not.

When it comes to me and my wife, experimentation only goes too far when my erection goes away and doesn't come back. :D


HA HA HA!

I guess my biggest fear is that it starts with a girl, then she wants a guy, and i am a hypocrite for sayng no , but it is alright for me to sleep with two women.

I like that your thinking two steps ahead in case you get trapped in some sort of devious test

Recently my wife has decided that she is ready to expand her sexual horizon. She says that it is not me and that she still loves sex with me, but she would like to see if we can do more. Mostly she wants a guy, girl, girl threesome. Shoul i say "yes" or "no" and why?
It sounds like a good idea, but why do you think she wants guy/girl/girl and not guy/guy/girl?

I guess my biggest fear is that it starts with a girl, then she wants a guy, and i am a hypocrite for sayng no , but it is alright for me to sleep with two women.
Exactly.

And this may be her trump card to get that.

Then again, it may not be.

But I wasn't going for a threesome until the hubby was fine with MY fantasies too.

This is a straight foward question, I do not know how to feel about the fact that 6 months into our union she wants to sleep with other people, even if it is a girl.

Well, the real question is why you are asking us for advice, but I'll try my best.

Threesomes, or so I've heard, are really in most respects just like any other sexual encounter. You need to consider the feelings of all involved, ask what everyone would and would not like to do, etc. The primary distinction is, obviously, that there is one more person's feelings, wants, desires, and fantasies to consider before things get underway.

I don't necessarily think that this is a sign that she wants to escalate the relationship, make it "open", or anything of that sort. Simply put, if she wanted to sleep with other people outside of the relationship, she would be doing so with or without your permission, so the fact that she's trying to include you is in my mind a good sign. The primary worry I get from your posts is that you are worrying about those things, and those things, if left unresolved, can damage the trust in a relationship. So what I would do, first of all, is have a long talk with your wife. Maybe she wants to experiment. Maybe she wants to fulfill what she perceives as the ultimate male fantasy for you.

Whatever the response is, you then need to ask yourself "Is this what I really want?" Maybe it is, maybe it isn't; sexual freedom is just as much about the right to say "no" as "yes." In any case, if it isn't going to be fun for you, and/or if it is worrying for you, she should understand that if she loves you. Keep in mind, however, that there are other ways of exploring this fantasy of hers without necessarily going to full-blown sex: try going to a bar or nightclub and dancing with a hot girl while she watches, then take her home and have sex with her. Maybe you can work out some kind of middle ground until you come to some conclusion.

My guess here is that the real problem is that she sprang this a little early on in the marriage. Most women who start up with the partner-swapping and threeways do so 5-10 years into the relationship, which is long enough 1) to establish a comfortable relationship, and 2) long enough to be bored to tears with standard sex. At six months, you guys may still be a little too wet behind the ears to deal with this.

It sounds like a good idea, but why do you think she wants guy/girl/girl and not guy/guy/girl?

It is what she asked for.

Woot! Someone else reads "Savage Love". Maybe the thread author should ask Dan?
I met Dan once. He was promoting his book and we had this long talk after his spiel about his dream of unionizing McDonalds workers. Dan is one hot gay sex-columnist! And wicked funny too.

what fass said.

6months is kinda soon to want to go that far. you need to find out where she is coming from. i think theres a real good chance that its not just "fun and games" but deeper problems. those things need to be discussed if both of you are going to be able to enjoy the 3some experience.

use it with fantasy for now and see how it goes. take it slow. remember that its not right to use another person for your sexual gratification so the 3rd person will take some careful selection.

if you just jump into "every man's fantasy" you can easily destroy what you already have. so be careful and good luck.

I guess my biggest fear is that it starts with a girl, then she wants a guy, and i am a hypocrite for sayng no , but it is alright for me to sleep with two women.
Not the same, as she brought this one up in the first place, so she's obviously comfortable with the idea of another girl. You, at least I assume, have not in any way indicated that you would be interested in having another guy there.

If you want to, I don't see any reason why not.

Of course, if you choose to, please videotape it for us. :p

Woot! Someone else reads "Savage Love".

Since it was clandestinely called "Hey, Faggot!" even.

Maybe the thread author should ask Dan?

Or look through the archives. Dan's bound to have answered a similar question earlier.

remember that its not right to use another person for your sexual gratification so the 3rd person will take some careful selection.


As in...no to prostitutes? Or strangers in general? How would you be using someone else for your sexual gratification?

I guess my biggest fear is that it starts with a girl, then she wants a guy, and i am a hypocrite for sayng no , but it is alright for me to sleep with two women.

My wife fantasizes about that. And I used to be bisexual. But when I told her I was unconfortable with that, she understood.

You just have to talk about it. That's the most important thing. Deciding whether or not to try it is minor compared to that.

Dan is one hot gay sex-columnist! And wicked funny too.

Aye. I'd hit it any day of the week! Sabbath be damned!

As in...no to prostitutes? Or strangers in general? How would you be using someone else for your sexual gratification?
no as in not to pick up a stranger in the bar, fuck her in any way that seems fun, then toss her out of your house never to speak to her again.

many women have jealous streaks that mean that you have to do just that. bring the 2nd woman in, use her, then pretend you have never had anything to do with her if you see her again in public.

If you want to, I don't see any reason why not.

Of course, if you choose to, please videotape it for us. :p

Well my wife is hot, hey mabey we should start with a camera instead of a person! thanks thats a great idea.

My wife fantasizes about that. And I used to be bisexual. But when I told her I was unconfortable with that, she understood.

You just have to talk about it. That's the most important thing. Deciding whether or not to try it is minor compared to that.

However it may sound, that is my home, and i would shoot anyone who invaded my home.

no as in not to pick up a stranger in the bar, fuck her in any way that seems fun, then toss her out of your house never to speak to her again.

many women have jealous streaks that mean that you have to do just that. bring the 2nd woman in, use her, then pretend you have never had anything to do with her if you see her again in public.
Or second man.

We've favoured the stranger route (safely) rather than screwing people we would be seeing on a daily basis. We've always been clear it was a one-night stand, so I don't think we've been at all deceptive. And they haven't left unhappy....but frankly, I wouldn't want to hang out with them later...and neither would my husband. Why? Because we aren't looking for RELATIONSHIPS with these people...just sex.

However it may sound, that is my home, and i would shoot anyone who invaded my home.
Huh? You mean, your wife is your home, and you would shoot any man who 'invaded' her?

To answer this question, you have to think long and hard about what your feelings are about the request. If you have a problem with threesomes, tell her no. If you don't have a problem with it and you don't think it will be a strain on the relationship, feel free to set some ground rules ahead of time.

Personally, I'd say no to a threesome.

Huh? You mean, your wife is your home, and you would shoot any man who 'invaded' her?
JUst like I walk into my house, my qther thinker, goes into her.

JUst like I walk into my house, my qther thinker, goes into her.
*raises eyebrows, and lets it drop*

JUst like I walk into my house, my qther thinker, goes into her.
i recommend you say NO to the 3some idea

Say yes, it should be great. I haven't had a bad threesome yet.

*raises eyebrows, and lets it drop*
"other thinker" except for the walking part.

I cant believe Im saying this...but I say dont do it.

There are too many opportunities for jealously to occur.
What if she decides she likes it better with a woman?
What if you find yourself more attracted to the other woman?

If you werent married, I'd say sure...but the awkwardness of the "afterglow" might be a little too much to take.

It sounds like fun...but there are too many possibilities that could damage your relationship.

Reagardless of sex, a monogamous relationship is just that.

Well I got to go, so I will just let this simmer until my return, please keep the opionions comming.

I don't see the problem as long as no one is hurt, but if you don't want to do it, then you don't have to.

Well it is still where I left it.

Woot! Someone else reads "Savage Love". Maybe the thread author should ask Dan?

:D Hey! That was my very first thought on reading this.

Well it is still where I left it.

I say do it. You might as well, because whatever you choose this is going to end in tears. At least this way you'll have something to tell the grandkids about the crazy noughts.

At least this way you'll have something to tell the grandkids about the crazy noughts.

haha

"tell us a story grandpa!"

I say do it. You might as well, because whatever you choose this is going to end in tears. At least this way you'll have something to tell the grandkids about the crazy noughts.

Yeah, this is why Free love doesn't last, it dosen't stay free.

Yeah, this is why Free love doesn't last, it dosen't stay free.

Well you could try and nip it in the bud. Fake her out by claiming you are cool with it, but say you want a girl/guy/guy instead and hope to hell that freaks her out and she drops the subject henceforth. Of course, that could backfire horribly. (Still according to several movies I have seen on the subject, you are under no obligation to "take one for the team", so how bad could it be?)

Probably won't work though.

Well you could try and nip it in the bud. Fake her out by claiming you are cool with it, but say you want a girl/guy/guy instead and hope to hell that freaks her out and she drops the subject henceforth. Of course, that could backfire horribly. (Still according to several movies I have seen on the subject, you are under no obligation to "take one for the team", so how bad could it be?)

Probably won't work though.

It is the lead into being a hypocrite by saying no to a guy/guy/girl, after saying yes to a girl/girl/guy that i think scares me the most. I only like friction in sex.

It is the lead into being a hypocrite by saying no to a guy/guy/girl, after saying yes to a girl/girl/guy that i think scares me the most. I only like friction in sex.

Yah, you know what; Just be a hypocrite. If she's so desperate for a guy/guy/girl she'd leave you if you won't do it, and you won't do it, you are kind of fucked anyway because there is nothing you can do. (Except cave, and you have no guarantee that this would be a one time only fixture).

On the other hand, if she is prepared to do a girl/girl/guy just so she can get a guy/guy/girl by being manipulative, but isn't prepared to walk out on you if she doesn't get her way, then this could be a valuable life lesson for her about not using sex and emotional blackmail to get what she wants.

In any case, she brought this up, so she sowed the wind &c.

It is the lead into being a hypocrite by saying no to a guy/guy/girl, after saying yes to a girl/girl/guy that i think scares me the most. I only like friction in sex.

Don't do it before you can be honest with eachother. If the above is your major concern and you haven't even told her, then it's definitly a bad idea.

The key to having fun escapades, is to be open and honest about it. If you're gonna do it, be damn sure you talk about all the negative things. If you're not honest with eachother, you're likely to be hurt. Her as well as you.

For most couples, it takes a couple of years to develop the trust needed for this. When people rush into it, they almost always regret it.

Sucks to be you.

Fact is, if you don't do it, it's going to cause a rift. Just do it and see what happens.

Fact is, if you don't do it, it's going to cause a rift. Just do it and see what happens.
If its a test he's screwed.
If its not he's screwed twice!

The question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to deal with having to sexually please two women at the same time. You answer to that question should weigh heavily on your final decision.
Hey not a big issue if the wife is going to get some from the other lady or vise versa :)

(and yes I have done it … if the girls are willing to experiment and do some of the work it is absolutely amazing … if not it is painfully exhausting)

I went through this with my ex-husband... he is ex for a reason... I went along with his little idea.... more then once... but then realized I liked the girls more then I liked him... at that point in time I would have liked anybody more then him... but the thing is it is never as fun as it sounds.. unless the relationship is set up this way from the beginning it almost never works.. someone gets hurt... or gets too emotionally involved... and it ends up a disaster... I would really question her motives in this.....

I went through this with my ex-husband... he is ex for a reason... I went along with his little idea.... more then once... but then realized I liked the girls more then I liked him... at that point in time I would have liked anybody more then him... but the thing is it is never as fun as it sounds.. unless the relationship is set up this way from the beginning it almost never works.. someone gets hurt... or gets too emotionally involved... and it ends up a disaster... I would really question her motives in this.....
Yeah … the only times I have done it were in a relationship where it was set and understood from the beginning

On top of that it was only a GF … not something I would leave to chance with a spouse.

My advice is telling her how you feel and what worries you before you make any decision. If you can't talk about it openly and honestly, you probably shouldn't be doing it.

yup... I was in a relationship where the person was poly and I knew that from the get go... because of that I had nothing to be jealous of ya know? But if is was set up to be an exclusive thing and they suddenly want to play elsewhere something is going on...

yup... I was in a relationship where the person was poly and I knew that from the get go... because of that I had nothing to be jealous of ya know? But if is was set up to be an exclusive thing and they suddenly want to play elsewhere something is going on...
Yeah that or they were lying to you … also not a good sign

Good news/Bad news. First, CONGRATULATIONS! Theres no doubt yer gonna do it. Set some REALLY simple guidlines that arent restrictive for yourself that you can live up to. Dont assume she will live up to anything that she says, cause she wont. But who cares, yer gonna be with 2 chicks. Second, relax. If you hype it too much in yer head then yer gonna blow it, and that can be bad. Just relax and let her do what she wants, and kinda slide in as the bonus plan, that way you arent the focus and wont steal her thunder, and you will remain in control of the situation. Do it like that and yer gold.
Bad news, since she brought it up, yer relationship is already iffy at best. Ya she prolly still loves you, but she has issues with something somewhere that she is still working out. This is ok due to her age, dont sweat it. If you do this right and later she shows increased affection toward you, then no blood no foul, do it at your lesiure, but remember this phase will pass. If she dosent have the affectionate reaction, then you are on your way out of this relationship. Meebe not today, or tomorrow, but soon. Dont blame the threesome, you were on your way out anyway, she just liked you enough to give you a parting gift.
Either way, ya gotta do it, or she will do it without you and you just lose out. So relax, tease her playfuly with it, prepare for it( set mood, stay casually enthusiastic, only bring it up AFTER she does) and roll with the moment. Dont get too anxious, Dont get frustrated, and Dont be pushy.
If done properly, it is a BEAUTIFUL thing. If done improperly, it can be devastating, so good luck. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :) :fluffle: :p :eek: :eek: :D ....... :cool:

I had my own little run on this not too long ago, though it was a different situation. She had two guys she loved lots and wanted both. So, she asked if it would be ok if she had both of 'em. I told her that if she had another guy, I got another girl, too. So, if she wanted two guys to be there, there must be two girls. I'm completely heterosexual. It's true that the girl would be able to get more from two guys, but I find the offset of the number of guys to girls to my disliking.

However, that situation has changed to where she is attached to me more than she is to the other, so we don't have this discussion (or the like) anymore. I'm quite happy with just one. I have five sisters. Living with that many females in the house was enough to tell me I only want one.

I've seen this happen before. Starts out guy girl girl, then ends up girl girl and the guy part ends up being kicked out. For real.