NationStates Jolt Archive

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge.

"Yeah," I said, "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute.

"Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"

So I hung up.....

not shallow, just stupid

I'd say a large portion are shallow, stupid, or both, but I'd like to think of m'self as one of the minority who isn't.

I'd say a large portion are shallow, stupid, or both, but I'd like to think of m'self as one of the minority who isn't.
ditto

I'd say a large portion are shallow, stupid, or both, but I'd like to think of m'self as one of the minority who isn't.Same here.

In fact, I have the rare quality of modesty in addition to my great intelligence, sense of humor, good looks, and charm! ;)

as a man i my opinion is a resounding YES men are shallow. nature made us that way, so keep it up men.

Same here.

In fact, I have the rare quality of modesty in addition to my great intelligence, sense of humor, good looks, and charm! ;)

If you're modest, then I am not an NS General addict.

as a man i my opinion is a resounding YES men are shallow. nature made us that way, so keep it up men.

No..Society tells us that it's okay to not reach our intellectual potential by seeming to discourage philosphical and other intellectual persuits, and that the pleasures and aesthetics of the flesh are a very important quality in a woman. Nature had nothing to do with it.

If you're modest, then I am not an NS General addict. Righto, you aren't. I mean, May '04 and only 885 posts? I'm a Feb '05 nation and have at least five times that! :eek: I, my friend, am an addict. You are puny compared to me in that field. Mwahaha!

Women are just as shallow. It's a matter of making stupid decisions, and if it was just sex, who cares? You can get some ass from someone new if you want.

Righto, you aren't. I mean, May '04 and only 885 posts? I'm a Feb '05 nation and have at least five times that! :eek: I, my friend, am an addict. You are puny compared to me in that field. Mwahaha!

Well, I started posting in earnest about 2 months ago. Before that, I have about 150 posts. *Shakes fist at you*

YOu know that move was so shallow- s he asid "i've put on a couple punds myself" and you didn't even give her the benefiet of the doubt :)

not only are you shallow, but you're also a moron :)

I t's not just men though. It's the whole damned generation...

bucha degenerates...

Well, I started posting in earnest about 2 months ago. Before that, I have about 150 posts. *Shakes fist at you*2 months? Ha! In the past week I've made more posts than you've made in your entire lifetime! I had 2,800 at the beginning of July. By July 9 I had 2,900. Now look where I am! :p :headbang:

YOu know that move was so shallow- s he asid "i've put on a couple punds myself" and you didn't even give her the benefiet of the doubt :)

not only are you shallow, but you're also a moron :)

I t's not just men though. It's the whole damned generation...

bucha degenerates...

You realize he made no mention of his age, right? And one could say that about a number of generations.

2 months? Ha! In the past week I've made more posts than you've made in your entire lifetime! I had 2,800 at the beginning of July. By July 9 I had 2,900. Now look where I am! :p :headbang:

It's called "Spam",Czardas. :p

It's called "Spam",Czardas. :pI wasn't actually spamming most of the time, I was just on about 20 hours a day, debating & posting in off-topic threads like this one. I only went off to Spam when there was nothing interesting on General, to keep Achtung 45 company. How dare you suggest I'm a spammer?!!

(Post count +1! :D)

Are men shallow or doe's it go deeper than that?Yes, No.

YOu know that move was so shallow- s he asid "i've put on a couple punds myself" and you didn't even give her the benefiet of the doubt :)

not only are you shallow, but you're also a moron :)

I t's not just men though. It's the whole damned generation...

bucha degenerates...

Two things,
1: thats what prompted the thread header question
2: What benefit of the doubt didn't I give her? Are you saying that someone should consider themselves lucky to get anything at all?

Men are often shallow. This is a trait that should be discouraged because non-physical characteristics of women tend to be the most important when it comes to the necessities of living. This trait could be weakened to a certain extent if men were trained not to think in this manner.

men shallow in general...maybe

you stupid for not hooking up with a girl you already had for gaining a few pounds....yes.

unless you were just looking for an excuse to end the conversation anyway in which case you may have been smart...better to let old wounds heal then to reopen them...even if it does satisfy you for the moment.

Hmm... I'd have to agree with the whole generation that got flushed a helluva lot deeper into the **** hole of ethos idea.

Men are often shallow. This is a trait that should be discouraged because non-physical characteristics of women tend to be the most important when it comes to the necessities of living. This trait could be weakened to a certain extent if men were trained not to think in this manner.

Do you have any examples of non physical characteristics that are important in woman? What should a man focus on?

I wasn't actually spamming most of the time, I was just on about 20 hours a day, debating & posting in off-topic threads like this one. I only went off to Spam when there was nothing interesting on General, to keep Achtung 45 company. How dare you suggest I'm a spammer?!!

(Post count +1! :D)

It's quite easy to suggest it. I mean, look at your post count. But..I stand corrected..damn it. And..20 hours a day? Damn. I'm proud, Czardas.

*le snip*
2: What benefit of the doubt didn't I give her? Are you saying that someone should consider themselves lucky to get anything at all?

What you should've done was not assume that "A few pounds" means "now hideous". Even still, to get back with someone and form a relationship purely on their outer selves is not a healthy basis for trying to make a long lasting relationship.

It's quite easy to suggest it. I mean, look at your post count. But..I stand corrected..damn it. And..20 hours a day? Damn. I'm proud, Czardas.Yeah...I go on after lunch, stay on until 3 AM, then go to sleep. At 7 before breakfast I get back on. Then whenever I can between breakfast and lunch I go on again. It repeats again and again...

And besides, plenty of people have higher post counts. However, they are either spammers, or have been here longer than I have. :p

We're shallow. Nothing harder to understand than that. It's programmed into us. We can resist the program successfully (though even this is often an act designed to make us more appealing to women,) for extended periods.

Most things in life are rather arbitrary. Why lose time and worry about this rather minor failing?

Do you have any examples of non physical characteristics that are important in woman? What should a man focus on?

Men should focus on qualities that make the woman a good friend and companion. Possibilities include intelligence, kindness, openness, sense of humor, similar morality and worldview. Ultimately qualities that make the woman fun to be around, you might have friends and if you do they most certainly have some qualities that make them your friends. Ultimately, a focus on non physical characteristics requires some maturity but can ultimately be more rewarding and can create feelings of closeness, and love which is seen by many as an extremely rewarding feeling.

Do you have any examples of non physical characteristics that are important in woman? What should a man focus on?

there are actually plenty...i have been married for over 8 years now, and had my fun for awhile before then. personally i think a womans personality, sence of humor and lifestyle is just as important as her looks.

unless you like sticking it in just a sexy piece of meat(not trying to be offencive, just speaking the dudes language) and thats all that matters to you, open up your eyes. Speaking strictley on sexual terms, its alot more fun when you can have a conversation with her before and afterwards AND actually know that not every tom, dick and harry has had it before...unless becoming an STD stat is your goal in life...

Most things in life are rather arbitrary. Why lose time and worry about this rather minor failing?

Failings should be worried over otherwise we may never correct them. By punishing the self with shame and guilt we prevent ourselves from doing the same again.

<snip> (1st post)

No, I don't think men are all shallow after reading that, just you :rolleyes:

No, I don't think men are all shallow after reading that, just you :rolleyes:
oh no, men are shallow. it's just that only the ones that aren't are posting in this thread

oh no, men are shallow. it's just that only the ones that aren't are posting in this thread

Yeah, I tend to agree. I used to know some males that would spend most of their time talking about sex, penis size, and drugs. It would not surprise me if they were not a minority among young males.

Men should focus on qualities that make the woman a good friend and companion. Possibilities include intelligence, kindness, openness, sense of humor, similar morality and worldview. Ultimately qualities that make the woman fun to be around, you might have friends and if you do they most certainly have some qualities that make them your friends. Ultimately, a focus on non physical characteristics requires some maturity but can ultimately be more rewarding and can create feelings of closeness, and love which is seen by many as an extremely rewarding feeling.

You're funny.

Men aren’t shallow, people are shallow.

Yeah, I tend to agree. I used to know some males that would spend most of their time talking about sex, penis size, and drugs. It would not surprise me if they were not a minority among young males.

Hmm.. maybe I jusy hang around with too many nerds... or maybe they're just polite and don't say that kind of stuff infront of me

there are actually plenty...i have been married for over 8 years now, and had my fun for awhile before then. personally i think a womans personality, sence of humor and lifestyle is just as important as her looks.

unless you like sticking it in just a sexy piece of meat(not trying to be offencive, just speaking the dudes language) and thats all that matters to you, open up your eyes. Speaking strictley on sexual terms, its alot more fun when you can have a conversation with her before and afterwards AND actually know that not every tom, dick and harry has had it before...unless becoming an STD stat is your goal in life...

When did I speak like that?
I read today that the average amount of time that couples spend talking to each other is 4 minutes per day. I guess thats the before and after sex discussion you are reffering too.

Your comment above refers to the rumoured perfect woman doesn't it? Looks and persoanlity and a sense of humour.........wowee, where do you find those?

Hmm.. maybe I jusy hang around with too many nerds... or maybe they're just polite and don't say that kind of stuff infront of me
that could be it, nerds do often think in a shallow way, but are far too scared of girls to act that way - for a large portion of high school i tried to ignore the fact that they existed

Your comment above refers to the rumoured perfect woman doesn't it? Looks and persoanlity and a sense of humour.........wowee, where do you find those?
on tv and in movies and anime

When did I speak like that?
I read today that the average amount of time that couples spend talking to each other is 4 minutes per day. I guess thats the before and after sex discussion you are reffering too.

Your comment above refers to the rumoured perfect woman doesn't it? Looks and persoanlity and a sense of humour.........wowee, where do you find those?

I find those facts way off. I talk to my girlfriend 2 to 4 hours, every day. I've friends that do the same. I fail to see how it's feasible to sustain any relationship by talking to someone a mere 4 minutes a day.

As for "the perfect woman", I happened to find mine, and I'm sure with a little bit of searching with open eyes, anyone else could, too.

on tv and in movies and anime

They probably exist in real life, they'd just be arrogant... oh wait, that messes up the personality, hey :D

They probably exist in real life, they'd just be arrogant... oh wait, that messes up the personality, hey :D

Nothing wrong with a little confidence.

Nothing wrong with a little confidence.

Nah, I was just bein stupid, seriously, I'm sure those girls do exist

I find those facts way off. I talk to my girlfriend 2 to 4 hours, every day. I've friends that do the same. I fail to see how it's feasible to sustain any relationship by talking to someone a mere 4 minutes a day.

As for "the perfect woman", I happened to find mine, and I'm sure with a little bit of searching with open eyes, anyone else could, too.

Its a sad but true fact, 4 minutes per day of meaningful discussion with your partner is the average

Nah, I was just bein stupid, seriously, I'm sure those girls do exist
yeah, the only problem is if this 18 computer geek will ever be able to recognise them.
<weeps for himself>

Coming from a man's perspective (albeit a boy-man's):

All men are obese, ugly, moronic, or have horrible personalities.

(i fit last category)

Men can be in multiple categories, but it takes a true Son of God to fit into all four (and someone I would never want to meet, crap I already have, scratch out this sentence)

Its a sad but true fact, 4 minutes per day of meaningful discussion with your partner is the average

I really am skeptical of this..you happen to have an online source you can cite?

yeah, the only problem is if this 18 computer geek will ever be able to recognise them.
<weeps for himself>

*Laughs at your pathetic self-loathing*

I find those facts way off. I talk to my girlfriend 2 to 4 hours, every day. I've friends that do the same. I fail to see how it's feasible to sustain any relationship by talking to someone a mere 4 minutes a day.
you're talking for 2-4 hours, but the statistics say only 4 minutes of that is actually meaningfull

*Laughs at your pathetic self-loathing*
hey, i deserve the right to be the person who dislikes/hates me the most.
few people have better reasons for disliking me than me.

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge.

"Yeah," I said, "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute.

"Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"

So I hung up.....

Yes, men are shallow, and I would have done the same thing if I had believed she wasnt good looking anymore...

But if she was gorgeous before, she probably still is. Girls exaggerate their weight... You should have at least checked it out.

you're talking for 2-4 hours, but the statistics say only 4 minutes of that is actually meaningfull

He he, statistics... :D

Oh and who gets to decide what's meaningful? :p

Yes, men are shallow, and I would have done the same thing if I had believed she wasnt good looking anymore...

But if she was gorgeous before, she probably still is. Girls exaggerate their weight... You should have at least checked it out.

I can't believe you just wrote that... since when do looks form the crucial part of a relationship?

1) I wouldn't generalize about men-in-general or women-in-general in this regard. Both are all over the map.

2) You didn't even ask her where she put on a few pounds? What if it was all in the bust? ;)

I can't believe you just wrote that... since when do looks form the crucial part of a relationship?

Since the beginning of time, naïve one.

He he, statistics... :D

Oh and who gets to decide what's meaningful? :p
no idea what can be said to be meaningfull, but alot of what people talk about is meaningless.
alot of people talk about tv/random useless happenings/games/etc. and alot of that is meaningles

Two things,
1: thats what prompted the thread header question
2: What benefit of the doubt didn't I give her? Are you saying that someone should consider themselves lucky to get anything at all?

One benefit I see you did not give was, given the way the conversation seems to have gone, you have not seen this person in a long time, and 'a couple pounds' could very well mean she gained ten pounds and feels self conscious about it, thusly exagerating. Big flipping whoop. The second benefit was that maybe she is actualy a wonderful person who even were she to gain (gasp) 30 pounds or something, might still be a person to indeed give a chance.
But the way I see it, you acted like an absolute jerk by hanging up and all. Your actions are reminiscent of the comical phrase "I'll burn that bridge when I get to it". And you have indeed burned that bridge. When I see people do crap like you did, I can't help but spitefully wish that that person remains eternally lonely. And that, sirah, is my personal shallowness.

When did I speak like that?
I read today that the average amount of time that couples spend talking to each other is 4 minutes per day. I guess thats the before and after sex discussion you are reffering too.

Your comment above refers to the rumoured perfect woman doesn't it? Looks and persoanlity and a sense of humour.........wowee, where do you find those?


well, as i mentioned, i have been personally in love with and married to my perfect woman...by some standerds she my not be perfect, but whats most important is that to me she is...her body is sexy, she has a beautifull smile, face and hair, she can hold a conversation about other things other than herself, she is funny and can make fun of herself, she appreciates what i do, she is an excellent mother, teacher and wife, she puts up with my stupidy and shallowness, etc.

as to where i found her: a totall chance encounter in Grant Park in Chicago during the Taste of Chicago...i grew some balls and approached her and 5 months later we were married and on a journey that has gone over 9 years total and hopefully and eternity forever.

anyway, enough of being mushy. good luck for real in your search and for real, dont just look at the outside. i have dated women who may have been 'prettier' then my wife by social standerds, but would never have met MY standards of the 'perfect woman'.

thanks for you time :)

PS> speaking of time, that stat is very funny. 4 min a day huh? i work 10-12 hour days and wife works 9(not including taking care of our 18 mo old) and we spend alot of time talking to each other. How much of it is meaninful? who cares. we are still happy and still in love and still communicate. THAT is the only stat that matters, imo.

we ourselves can only be the judge of what is meaningfull....

I can't believe you just wrote that... since when do looks form the crucial part of a relationship?

Looks can play a very important part in a relationship if there is little other basis for it. It is possible to have a relationship on all levels, intelectual, empathetic, caring, even convenience (sorry, but sometimes it is there), and still have looks in there, but often a relationship might be based on only a few, or even on only one, of the above. I would predict them to be much less stable, of course, but relationships can develope, among the 'shallow', based soley on looks.

I can't believe you just wrote that... since when do looks form the crucial part of a relationship?

All of our advertising revolves around looks, all of our perceptions are visual followed by secondary senses, how we present ourselves to others is purely visual..........it stands to reason that looks would form the crucial part of a relationship

Hey, for all you know those few pounds she gained could have been on her chest. :p

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

"Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge.

"Yeah," I said, "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute.

"Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"

So I hung up.....


*ahem*

[loud, booming voice)

What the fuck?

i'm not shallow or stupid
i'm as deep as a mountain
and as smart as at least two rocks

Well considering all of the divorces it is possible that 4 minutes is the average. Looks do help(I hate to admit that I am flawed but I can), but the intellectual qualities are most important.

The reason why we search for good looks is because good looks are taken to suggest good genes(these good looks in reality do not have much use other than to influence others of our species). Looks do not form the most important part of the relationship(old people are ugly yet they still have relationships) the feelings that you feel towards a person affect how you think that they look.(I remember having a crush on a girl and during that time I thought she was the prettiest person, despite the fact that she was not my physical ideal)

i think we should find this girl and make her show up at Lardtrophia's house wearing a fat-suit

(I remember having a crush on a girl and during that time I thought she was the prettiest person, despite the fact that she was not my physical ideal)

I’m pretty sure that’s how it is for everybody. Love, or at least perceived love, has a way of contorting ones view of the world.

i think we should find this girl and make her show up at Lardtrophia's house wearing a fat-suit

But would she fit through the front door?

He he, statistics... :D

Oh and who gets to decide what's meaningful? :p

My thoughts, exactly.

*ahem*

[loud, booming voice)

What the fuck?

What 'e said.

*ahem*

[loud, booming voice)

What the fuck?For once, Colodia says something that we can all agree upon. :p

But would she fit through the front door?
damn, this was meant to be a conspiracy against you, stop looking at our evil plans
:sniper:

I can't believe you just wrote that... since when do looks form the crucial part of a relationship?

I dunno, the seventies? Sometime before I was born.

Not to say you cant like an ugly chick...but it makes it so much harder, and often, its not worth the trade.

I’m pretty sure that’s how it is for everybody. Love, or at least perceived love, has a way of contorting ones view of the world.

I have little doubt of that being true. In fact that is part of my argument. The higher qualities and greater gain of a woman are important because of how they influence the person's worldview and create some amount of happiness.

Lardtrophia, I have a question. What do you know or theorize about the dynamics of a mature relationship? What do you want out of a relationship?

I have little doubt of that being true. In fact that is part of my argument. The higher qualities and greater gain of a woman are important because of how they influence the person's worldview and create some amount of happiness.

Lardtrophia, I have a question. What do you know or theorize about the dynamics of a mature relationship? What do you want out of a relationship?
One persons maturity is another persons maintenance issue. Therefore one persons ideal of a mature relationship will be anothers definition of a headache. In an ideal world, I would not have a relationship, instead I would have a succession of women parading through the place on a strict roster. Socially however, this is not a reasonable expectation.

So to answer your questions, my expectation from a relationship is that the mutual needs of the parties involved are met and satisfied.