NationStates Jolt Archive

I'll start this:

'Advantage... Widdecombe'

Wimbledon? :confused:

Something about Maria Sharapova and fuzzy balls.

'Point to Henman and......... has anyone seen my pants?'

"You know maybe we should host these in New Jersey one year."

For those of you don't know, Wimbledon is among the largest tennis tournaments in the world today. It's famous for 'Henman Hill', where large numbers of people congregate to watch Tim Henman loose, again! Anyway, this thread is for sheer comedy. Post something you wouldn't hear a Wimbledon commentater say normally. It's just for fun. Look:

'In the women's contest, why does the good looking one always loose to the moose?'

"Once you pop, you just can't stop"

For those of you don't know, Wimbledon is among the largest tennis tournaments in the world today. It's famous for 'Henman Hill', where large numbers of people congregate to watch Tim Henman loose, again! Anyway, this thread is for sheer comedy. Post something you wouldn't hear a Wimbledon commentater say normally. It's just for fun. Look: -snip-Ah, now I understand.

"...and the Queen just started mooning the crowd"

"I'd like to love HER fifteen, if you know what I mean."

"*banjo strum*..OH, she'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes.."

"I have no Idea what this game Is about, TACKLE HIM TACKLE HIM!!! MORONS!!!.......... Preparing for the volly....."

The Tennis annoucers either are really exited over nothing or really bored over something.......


(Newport, RI Da Gangsta's Homeland)

'Now theres a ball boy needs taming'

Mock the week fan?

"The Queen just jumped into the court and spiked the BALL!!", "when asked why she answered 'I am the Queen I can do whatever the fuck I want!'"

Mock the week fan?
What gave me away? Anyway, this is good because it is loads of people, instead of just six (Frankie Boyle is the best on there btw)

"Henman wins".

'It's time to get this party started... *Dance music starts 'Everybody Dance Now'

"oh, shit, look out!"

I'll start this:

'Advantage... Widdecombe'

"Quiet, please, no vomiting during service. Try some of the hair of the dog that bit you, and you'll feel better. Thank you."

45 - 37

"Home run!"

TOUCHDOWN! The Dallas Cowboys take Superbowl XXXXX

This is the third 'Mock of the Week' rip off I have seen on these forums.

This is the third 'Mock of the Week' rip off I have seen on these forums.

And your point is? It's funny, no matter where it comes from.

45 - 37

lol, yeah

and (instead of Deuce):

"Duche"

Mock the week fan?

Evidently.

Not a problem in itself, but it is a crap show.



And your point is? It's funny, no matter where it comes from.

Bah, once you've heard it once, it's nice to hear something original.

For the last time, McEnroe, NO MUSICAL SOCKS!

TOUCHDOWN! The Dallas Cowboys take Superbowl XXXXX

Actually, it would be Super Bowl "L"

Actually, it would be Super Bowl "L"

I don't know all of Latin numerals, so sue me

"And it seems we have an all British final!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, it seems as though Henman is going to progress past the quarter finals this time!"

"You know, Henman hasn't got a hope, we should just accept it and move on"
(because every year is Henmans year :rolleyes: )

"Well Maria Sharapova is out, and watch as all the fans suddenly get bored and leave"

"Oh, god! Look at the way they handle those balls! Such speed! Such accuracy! I wish I could handle mine with such control!"


[Intro]

"...And now, the game that inspired pong..."

I'll start this:

'Advantage... Widdecombe'

Somebodys being watching Mock the Hoople

"All this grunting is really turning me on"

"Aww hell. Where am I? This isn't the World Series! What the fuck is this shit?"

"Now you see, these particular balls are very well balanced, and just the right size to be handled well *Staring at Sharapova*

"oléeeee olé olé oléeeee oléeee oholéee"

"You know what, Tennis is really boring to watch, and it fucks up the television schedual."

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

"Instead of watching tennis we are going to listen to the incoherent babblings of The Life and Times of Boris Becker"

"In the beginning there was nothing..."

"Aaaaannnndddd I just pissed my pants!"

"So we're in day two of my utter disappointment for being rejected as a commentator for the Super Bowl..."

"Gee, it sure is great to have former President Bill Clinton up here with us today as co-commentator!"
"Yeah...hand me those binoculars and turn around...."

'Like we've said before, the football is on the other channel'

"Is that a ball in your hand or are you just happy to see me?"

"Doom must find a way to harness the power of these Williams sisters..."

"Is that Oprah I see over there? Hey, Oprah!! OPRAH!!!
OVER HERE!!! YOOHOOO!!! YOOOHOOOO!!! LOOK THIS WAY, OPRAH!!!
What a bitch! I think she can hear me but doesn't want to look here
HEY, OPRAH, LOOK OVER HERE!!! OPRAAAAAH!!!

Oh, wait. That's not Oprah.
Nevermind."

"Would you just look at the crowds on Hendman-Hill, all cheering him on. Go home you plebs!! He's not going to win!! Go back to your jobs and try doing soething usefull with your time!! Go on fuck off!!!"

'Here comes Sharapova, and I'm sure like me you just want those long Russian legs wrapped round your face"

"touchdown!!!!"

"..and the Lord spoketh unto them.."


*grun**grunt* "This is the lamest porn ever"

"Hello?......Hi mom....... At wimbledon!...."

"Man I like watching how these men just slam their balls across the net"

"Touchdown!... oh crap..."

"zzzzzzzzzz..."

"If you watch carefully, she fondles the balls in her hand... carefully fingering it as she watches her opponent.... "

*why can't my wife look like that*
*thats it, i'm going to streak*
*SHARAPOVA, MARRY ME*
*..... so it turned out my cat had worms.....*

"Three sets, no smell... that's Palm Olive"

"And sharapova smacks the top a the net with a forehand.... It seems we have a bit of a delay as the ball boy refuses to get the ball.'

"Word from down here on the court is the ball boy refuses to move until his boner subsides to a hidable size. This could be a long delay."

"Well that makes two of us"

"It's going..... going.......GONE!!!! IT'S OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"UH...Ah....UH....AH....UH.....AH.......UH.......AH...UH...AHHHHHHH!!!!!.... And now back to the tennis."


"Looks like it her time of the month"


"And Tim Hennmans just died on court, what a terrible loose for Brittish tennis."


"People cheering for Hennman *Oh SHIT that really happens!

"And we will just take a quick 25 minute break from our incessant 10 hour a day coverage to show you something else for a change"

"I see that the 2-for-1 Guiness special has really brought out the crowds toni. . .ooh, look at that poor bloke in Section 6 who just took a chair to the head."

"Whenever you watch Agassi, you can't help but imagine what it would be like to have his powerful legs wrapped around your face."

*A cookie for those who get the reference*
"And yet again, those damn Scots have once again swept Wimbledon."

"Now theres a ball boy that needs taming"

(women are hitting the ball back and forth)

"Dear God, this is boring. (begins to get down from the chair) Don't mind me, ladies, go on and keep playing... I'm just going to grab a bite to eat and catch the end of the morning edition of Sportscenter."

"Sorry, I just farted"